Heaton Stannington 1-1 Newcastle University, Saturday 30th October 2021

Heaton Stannington 1-1 Newcastle University, Northern League Division 2, Grounsell Park, att. 244

In the month when Newcastle United were taken over by Saudi Arabia, it was nice to visit the Geordie capital to see a successful side who play in the famous black and white stripes – Heaton Stannington, Northern League second division league leaders. However, I could’ve picked a better Saturday, as the Mags were also kicking off at 3 against Chelsea. Traffic was slow on the A1…and (shock, horror) parking was a nightmare in the city centre. I eventually found a back street where parking was free between 11:30-15:30; perfect for a trot into the city, before driving out towards Heaton, about 4 miles out. You could feel the buzz in the city too, as hundreds marched towards St. James’s from the railway station, including a fair amount of Chelski.

Traffic was difficult to Heaton too, and I was lucky to waltz into the ground a minute before kick-off. Walking through the main entrance, I was surprised to see one and a half sides of the ground being car park, with a big green box in the corner acting as both changing room and refreshment kiosk. ‘Stan’ enjoy the biggest crowds in the second division, regularly playing in front of over 200. Same again today, for a tasty looking clash against Newcastle University, who’re quite possibly the best side I’ve seen in this division this season. Can it be described as a ‘derby’? I dunno. Yes, the students might attend an establishment in the city, but they play their games 10 miles away in Prudhoe. Not that I noticed any ‘away’ fans.

Opposite the car park end is a grassy area and the back fences of some 1930s semis. Same along one touchline, where a couple of householders look like they’ve cheekily added extra garden plots inside Stan’s ground. This touchline appeared to be where most of the canines hung out. I counted 8. Is this a record? (I saw another couple on the Main Stand side later.) This touchline also had a slightly raised bank, offering a better view of…not much. The 1st half was as bad as last night at Tow Law. Was it all the Autumn leaves covering the pitch? Or 2 teams giving each other too much respect?

Half-time, I walked around the pitch, past a tiny main stand and into the clubhouse, which had the look of a proper pub inside. Given the chill in the air and the poor nature of the football, it would have been easy to stay in here and watch England cruise to victory in the 20/20 against Australia. But I was here for the football. I took my pint outside. Shoulda got a half, cos that’s all I drank. I do like an IPA, but not a Volt IPA. Second time in a month I’ve not been able to finish the one pint I allow myself to have (when driving). What should be a treat….

Next to the Main Stand and outside the clubhouse is a 3 step terrace with propped roof. ‘Excuse me, there’s only one Barnsley fan allowed in here.’ A fellow Reds fans had spotted my Barnsley hat and it was nice to chat rubbish as the game went on. ‘Worst we’ve played all season’ said the Heaton adoptee. Yes, it was poor fayre. The students went one up with a back post header from a corner. Stan looked devoid of ideas before a sweet one touch move which had hithertofore remained hidden, brought them level, the pullback hit high into the net. Stan then created a couple of chances, but overall, a fair result. The students looked the better side but lacked the creativity in the final third. Still, I’d be out of here faster than the average fan at St. James’s. Hopefully I’ll be back on that there A1 before the Geordie hordes!

The Damage:
£5 ent
£3 Volt IPA
= £8

Programme: I know they existed, I saw them. But I never saw any on sale. Oh well.

The Tunes:
BBC 5Live (Nadine Shah)
BBC 6Music (Gilles Peterson)

Tow Law 1-0 Esh Winning, Friday 29th October 2021

Tow Law 1-0 Esh Winning, Northern League Division 2, Ironworks Road, att. 152

Friday Night Lights. The glitz. The glamour. The hopes of a local community. No, this wasn’t US college football, but a Northern League second division derby between the former ironworks community of Tow Law and the former pit village of Esh Winning. The battle of former industries, if you like, all played out at Ironworks Road, the first ground in the country…or was it the Northern League?...to have hot baths. (I presume Roman amphitheatres didn’t have them, as their bath houses were separate.)

Yes, Friday Night football. An attempt to increase the crowd and inject a bit of pizzazz to Tow Law of an evening. Well, it worked to some extent, as the crowd was virtually double the Lawyers’ norm. And there were certainly away fans in existence, as I had a mini-row with one. As the Esh centre forward appealed for a record breaking 3rd handball in 5 minutes, I could bear it no longer. ‘Not everything is handball!’ ‘It’s not like you lot don’t appeal for owt!’ he retorted. ‘You lot’? I now officially have a Northern League team, as I stand, accused, of being a Tow Law fan. Come on you Lawyers! (I still have to get my head around supporting a side sporting black and white stripes.)

Actually, I was pleased Tow Law triumphed. The game had been dull dull dull, devoid of any chances whatsoever, and that spate of handball appeals ground on me. (It wasn’t just the centre forward either, other Esh players were in on the act.) So when the Lawyers forward ran clear we all held our breath…would the finish be in keeping with the rest of the game? No. The ball rolled past the keeper, victory secured. An edge had been taken off the undoubted chill.

The Damage:
£5 ent
£1 tea
60p Kitkat
= £6.60

The Tunes:
Kitchen Sink (Nadine Shah)

Crook Town 1-4 North Shields, Wednesday 27th October 2021

Crook Town 1-4 North Shields, Northern League Division 1, The Sir Tom Cowie Millfield, att. 365

Having already been to Crook once this season (albeit a friendly) it was nice to come for pure enjoyment rather than the priority being a groundhop. Millfield is a glorious Northern League ground, and while it’s heyday of thousands may be long gone, Crook still get relatively healthy crowds in the Northern League. As of last Saturday, they had the 7th highest average, 318 (Consett currently have the highest, 543).

Tonight’s visitors, North Shields, are the 4th best supported (358) and brought a number this evening. Oftentimes, you’d be hard fetched to know in the Northern League if there are any away fans in the ground, but Shields fans appeared to take over the Main Stand…or were they just more vociferous in nature? Most of the Crook contingent stood on the covered terrace adjacent, and the general hubbub meant an excellent atmosphere. The vast majority of the crowd, 365, or one for every day of the year, was on this side of the pitch. The wind was up and there was rain in the air, though it mostly held off.

Opposite and behind the goal to the left are grass banks. A couple of teenagers idled behind one goal while perhaps a dozen elders camped on the far touchline. Behind the goal at the turnstile end is probably the biggest terrace left in the Northern League (alongside its covered neighbour) and it was here I stood to take a phone call….and witness the Shields’ equaliser, a flick on from a free kick. This tidily cancelled out Crook’s opener, another header from a free kick.

Half-time came, and I stood in a queue at the ‘Only fools and sauces’ refreshment hut. If only I didn’t detest cheese, the allure of a ‘Black and amber burger’ woulda been tempting…burger, black pudding, bacon and cheese. Yours for four-fifty. Instead, I waited 10 mins for a cuppa, the queue barely moved and I gave up as the players were back out on the pitch. A cosy alternative would have been to have a pint in the social club, but my snobbishness with regard to beer found me wanting.

Another want was a programme. I hung back at the entrance, to take a photo…and missed out on the last programme. Oh well. ‘Apparently you can pick one up online.’ Cheers, but my determination doesn’t stretch that far. Still, though, I did meet a dog dressed in his (black and amber) scarf, and yes, he is a season ticket holder. He didn’t speak for himself, I should add, the bloke attached to his lead told me. You can’t beat a dog bearing the team’s colours at a non-league game.

The second half was a non-event in terms of a competition, as Shields strolled to a 4-1 victory and Crook never threatening. While this leaves Crook firmly ensconced in midtable, Shields are up to 3rd and could yet challenge for the league. Mind, promotion is compulsory these days (or else they’re demoted 2 divisions…to the Northern League 2nd division). Do Shields WANT promotion? I dunno. But I know plenty that don’t, added costs an’ all.

The Damage:
£6 ent
= £6

The Tunes:
Tunes 2011-2019 (Burial)