Birmingham City 6-2 BFC, Saturday 5th April 2025

‘We can’t change the events of Jesus, can we?'

I know, I know. We’ve just been battered for 6 and yet the 1st half was our best performance in 2 months, as our 10 men not only held on against the league leaders, but actually forced an equaliser after our resistance looked to have been broken just past the half hour mark. Indeed, it looked like having a man sent off was the best thing that could have happened for certain players, as Roberts dominated central defence, Humphreys and DKD foraged and Phillips actually ran about. That we eventually collapsed was probably inevitable. If I could compare it to the play off final heroics, Birmingham City are an outstanding 3rd division football team, better than Washday were 2 seasons ago, while we are a pale shadow of our final team. So, holding them to a draw at the interval was probably the extent of our powers.

That said, it was disappointing to hold out for all of 73 seconds of the second half. Once that went in, it was damage limitation, and we didn’t damage limit very well, conceding a total of 5 that half. So it was a strange atmosphere, with our lot singing throughout and their bunch only waking up in the 89th minute once the 6th went in. It must be boring, winning every week. I took my friend Anna-Marie to the game, and though a Brummie, she’d never had the pleasure of St. Andrews @ Knighthead Park* before, and was highly amused at ‘where’s yer binmen gone, where’s your binmen gone?’ Social comment from the away end. I was disappointed not to see huge piles of discarded binbags, but there was rubbish EVERYWHERE in the streets, as the detritus had blown all over the place. And, yes, it was worse than usual.

*I kid you not. This is the actual name of the ground these days. Did you know that? Probably not, cos Birmingham City are a bit of a Mickey Mouse club whose fans are only too grateful to pick up the Yankee dollar without complaint. Anyway, the owners have plans to knock it down and build them a new 60,000 ground elsewhere. I can’t say I’ll miss this place, despite the 4-0 and 5-0 wins.

We were down to 10 after 3 minutes, MdG continuing his (K)nightmare run. A sending off and 2 gifts of goals in the space of 3 games. However, I found the sending off harsh to say the least. I don’t know how their player goes down under the slightest of tugs, but judging where he’s kicked the ball, Roberts is covering, surely. You just don’t give that decision after 3 minutes of a game. Oh, sorry, you do.

I’ve no qualms about the penalty which put them ahead. Everyone can see it coming. The ball is played through, Flavell goes down...their player nicks in and makes sure he collides with the keeper. He’s no intention of rounding the keeper and slotting, but, hey! We could try it too, but we don’t have forwards pacey enough, or the opposition goalkeepers gullible enough. Flavell dives the right way, but it’s perfectly placed in the corner. That’s what you get for £15 million (Stansfield). Actually...quick bit of maths...if our starting 11 cost around 3 mill, surely this Stansfield bloke should be beating us 5-1 ON HIS OWN. That’s how it works, right?

Within 2 minutes we have equalised. I’m as amazed as anyone, as it comes from a long throw. And without Roberts (taking the throw), Watters (taken off) and MdG (sent off) who is going to win a header, let alone TWO? Adam Phillips wins the flick on and DKD sneaks in at the backpost to head in. 25 thousand Brummies do a passable impression of a guppy as they stare at what’s before them. It’s fair to say I enjoyed that goal. But we’d had efforts; Humphreys had burst clear and instead of carrying on running, elected to fail to chip the keeper, while Phillips had had a powerful effort pushed wide. As well as we’re doing, the ref decided it’s worthy of SEVEN minutes injury time. I don’t know where he gets that from, probably the same place that he’s denied us a single free kick that entire half (if I’m wrong, I missed it). It’s hard enough playing the league leaders, away, without having every single decision go against you, nevermind a sending off. That 1st half performance was incredible.

Second half, yes, it takes sub Alfie May just over a minute to bag. Wasn’t he the top scorer in this division last season? A handy little sub to bring on, eh? Roberts loses the header from a corner and DKD’s desperate effort on the line to chest it away comes to nought. They grab another, a header, as our defence remembers its true ability, before Humphreys pulls one back, another solo run and hit across goal. I’m not altogether sure it was a shot, but I am altogether sure the keeper makes a right pigs ear of it and deflects it into the goal.

However, this only upsets the Brummies. Somebody goes through and strokes it past Flavell. Then somebody else (I’m not interested in details) strides forward and by the time he hits it there’s 4 Reds players around him, all doing exactly nothing. Are we up to 5 yet? That’s Bob’s cue to leave, so he misses their 6th, as Falafel finally makes a save, only for it to rebound straight back to the bloke with the Polish name (another one who cost gazillions). Oh well, I’ve seen 8 goals. And the walk back to the city centre shouldn’t be as dangerous as usual (it wasn’t).

Onwards and upwards!

*** Humphreys. Drove at the opposition, got shots off, scored.
** DKD. As well as scoring, I don’t think he lost the ball all game.
* Roberts. If a player summed up the Reds, it was Roberts. Magnificent 1st half, dreadful 2nd.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Humphreys 2= DKD / Roberts

Despatches:
I enjoyed Loko’s top pre match tip, Purecraft. I had to go indoors though, as I think I might have blown my cover had I listened to some Blues fans much longer on a table outside. ‘Where actually IS Barnsley? It’s gotta be up north...somewhere.’ Takes me back to teaching the SEN class.

With MdG off, Hourihane hauls Watters. I hope he gets 8/90 of a wage packet this week. I bet he was pleased to be sacrificed, given the Alamo to come. On comes Bland, nominative determinism if ever there was. This week’s O’Keeffe howler is a beaut, as he simply lays the ball for a Brummie to be clean through (Flavell saving). Didn’t O’Keeffe do this at a home game earlier this season? I wouldn’t mind, but when you’re self-confessed Blues fan...McCarthy didn’t do bad, though a certain Londontyke was adamant most Blues chances ‘went down McCarthy’s side’. Well, maybe that’s where Birmingham’s best players played? Connell got the nod over Nwakali again, and was...I can’t remember. Never noticed him. Same with Russell. Phillips was rewarded for promising to be a good boy with a recall, and did very well for the most part before being replaced by Jalo, who was bullied out of it by the big lads. Watters did NOTHING (arf arf); pulled after 8 minutes, a record even for him. Lambrusco, Nwakali and Lewis came on for the last 4 minutes and we conceded. Good job they didn’t start.

XG? 3.68 v 0.41. So much for the defensive fortitude 1st half, we underperformed defensively on those stats.

Anyway, thank God we didn’t concede 7. I can handle that away at Man U (twice) and Man C, but Brum C? That’s a step too far, however awful we are these days.

Drink du jour: Longhorn unpasteurised IPA at Purecraft.

Away: c.700. Anna-Marie was very impressed with our vocal support, a far cry from a visit to Oakwell this season. (Her only 2 other football matches were River Plate and Arsenal v Liverpool.)

The Damage:
£30 ent
c.£40 petrol
= c. £70

BFC 1-1 Birmingham City, Saturday 28th August 2021

‘Eez ‘ad enuff time naaah, t’manager…’

Is it too early to be in trouble? Have we ‘only’ had one win in 5, or one defeat in 5? I dunno. Debate surrounding our 1st choice XI settled on it being bottom 6, whilst the bench was either bottom of the league or 3rd division. How can we have so many subs and yet have no choice in making a change? Mind, that’s every bit a harsh sleight on Big Vic, who came on and looked the best of a bad front 3. I’m not sure our missing players fill me with any sense of hope either; Kane (rubbish), Mads (no pedigree in front of a crowd) and a couple of Belgians no-one’s ever seen. The ghosts of Phil Gridelet. Do our chances REALLY depend on Carlton Morris?

Course, I’m being negative. I quite enjoyed yesterday’s game, in part because of our tactic of playing it out from within our own box. At what point will it cost us a goal? Who cares? It’s crazy, edge of the seat stuff and highly entertaining if you’ve no faith in our front players ever scoring a goal. How boring would it be to simply take a ‘proper’ goalkick and hoof it somewhere towards the halfway line? On the rare occasion it worked, we left 3 Brum players the wrong side of the ball and lots of space to attack into. Otherwise, we are inviting the opposition on and are pressed into our own half. Total football!

Somehow, it was an entertaining, open, game. I say ‘somehow’ because the opposition involved ‘Birmingham City’ and ‘Lee Bowyer’. Of COURSE they were niggly, but generally the ref let the game flow…unless it was Manchester United’s Hamza Choudrary falling down in front of a Reds player. Listen, I get that the ref admires Hamza’s hair. Me too. But I thought refs had been told to stop giving these stupid little free kicks when a player falls down after being touched. Particularly aggrieved must be Cauley Woodrow, who didn’t get ANYTHING and spent most of the match with his arms out wide, puzzled look on his face after yet another defender went through him. We should get a statue of him outside Oakwell – Cauley as Christ the Redeemer (with Russell Howard’s face. He does look like Russell Howard, doesn’t he?)

We went ahead relatively early. Oduor recycled the ball in their box and pulled it back for Styles to smash home into the top corner from just outside the area. Full marks to their defenders for showing him onto his left foot – the only one he has. Still, we returned the favour before half-time, Sibbick allowing the ball to drop over his head for that big centre forward with the Eastern European name who no-one can spell, however many years he plays in the Championship*, to score, after cutting back and leaving Kitching floundering.

*Jutkiewicz. I’ve just looked it up. He’s British as well. Who knew?

I just looked up something else too – how many shots we had on target. I know, I know, I was there and should know these things. The answer was 2 by the way, but I forget the other one. The closest we got to a goal second half was when Oduor (him again!) nicked the ball off the last defender and ran through on goal, only to be pulled back for a foul throw by Brum. Despite the anger of the natives, I think the ref’s hands were tied – you can’t play an advantage on a foul throw. (But you could ignore the fact it’s a foul throw, you do every other time it happens.)

Otherwise, we spent the half being picked off on the counter by Brumingham. This was a shame for La Famille Jones-Marchioni, ensconced together in the Ponty for their 1st match of the season (yes, I could see youse from the East Upper), as all the action was at the other end. But in a shock to the system, it appeared I was the optimistic one. Birmingham couldn’t hit a barn door with a banjo tied to a cow’s arse. I had every faith in their ability to miss from anywhere, and the one time they did get through, Collins saved a one-on-one. (It will come as no surprise to learn this was entirely our own fault as 2 of our players needlessly lost it on our left wing with most of our team in and around their box.) So, we’ve nicked a draw in a game we shoulda lost (today), got a win in a game we should have lost (Cov) and got a loss in a game we shoulda lost (Luton). Repeat after me: we are not in trouble. We are not in trouble. We are not in trouble.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Helik. Won everything and was official MOTM. In particular, I was impressed with his ability to step out from behind the centre forward and intercept balls. Get him sold before transfer deadline.
** Styles. For a second successive game, he takes a PROPER yellow with some cynical foul play. This time, knowing he’s being stripped for pace on the break, he shepherds the player out towards the Main Stand. Proper professional, none of these namby-pamby cautions.
* Collins. Didn’t put a foot wrong and involved in everything good about our performance (tippy-tappy triangles around our 6 yard box).

Londontykes' MOTM: 1. Helik 2. Collins 3. Styles

Despatches:
Reedy and Slacki made it as far as South Yorkshire, but chose the guaranteed good time of a Sheffield rock festival over Oakwell Roulette. Tut tut. The ref? He must be doing something right, both sets of fans agree ‘you’re not fit to referee’. That made me laugh, the Ponty’s ode followed by the away end encore.

The players? Oduor. Madcap foreign genius (again) or just madcap? What’s he doing up front? Are we the only team in the league to turn a wing back into a forward (Oduor) and a forward into a wing back (Miller, not that we ever see him)? Still, it gives entertainment value, as Oduor’s pace and trickery bring a few seconds of light relief before he inevitably loses it. What entertainment is there in the endeavour of a Freezer? Or a Woodrow? How many more times can I ask what’s happened to the latter? A snail crawling through treacle on a treadmill in reverse. Looked keen early on, as he shot wide from distance after 20 seconds. Shoulda taken him off then. Midfield? Brittain ran around and put in a few tackles. End product lacking, but no change there. Oh, nearly forgot…he tried ending his Reds drought with a 25 yard half volley with the ball behind him. No comment. Benson made a few passes and continued his BFC career as a slightly better version of Herbie Kane. Kitching and Sibbick I didn’t notice for the most part. They were just the blokes stood beside the immense Helik. If I’ve missed anybody, suffice to say they made no mark on the game.

Drink du jour: Rose lemonade. Good to be back in the Old #7, albeit briefly.

Away: 2,023 (Att: 13,950) Technically, a capacity away end in these days of post-Coronavirus, post-Brexit lack of stewards. I’m sure there’s an economic law for this, but when we give them 6,000, they bring 1500. When we give them 2,000, they sell out.

The Damage:
£3 prog
£48 3rd shirt
= £3

plus petrol…£20?

The Tunes:
Imidiwan (Tinariwen)
BBC 5Live
BBC6 Music (Craig Charles Funk and Soul Show). There’s only so much Robbie Savage one can put up with on 5live.

BFC 2-2 Birmingham City, Saturday 31st December 2016

‘R.I.P. Rimmo’

Tributes to Norman Rimmington, AKA 'Mr Barnsley'.

AAAAARRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Winning 2-0 with less than half an hour on the clock, against a team as average as Brumingham…well, we only have ourselves to blame.  We miss a chance to grab a 3^rd and Roberts miscontrols a ball straight to them and it’s 2-1. They have not been in the game and WE have given them a lifeline.  Even worse for Roberts, 5 mins into the 2^nd half he takes out their player in the box and he’s sent off.  Still, he can now go and enjoy the New Year festivities.  And everyone is entitled to a bad game and we all know what a rock he’s been.  Ho hum.

The walk of shame...

So, we have 40 minutes to play with 10 men and, you know what, despite one scare, we looked the likelier winner.  Winnall has a looping header tipped over while he headed one wide when he ought to have done better.  Again though, you can’t argue with the scoring machine and it if he’d been an inch taller he’d have bagged.  Earlier, he’d nodded in #11 from a corner.  How bad must Brum’s centre halves be?  Winnall scored a header off a corner in the away leg too.  2-0 up after 28 minutes.  I couldn’t believe it. We’d already won. It would’ve been nice to have seen a MATCH.

Towards the Ponty, pre-match

We’d gone ahead when Marley broke down the right wing, beat 4 players and pulled it back for Bradshaw to stroke home.  Another Hecky masterstroke; resting Scowen to bring back Marley. (With 2 games in 3 days, problies for the best, knowing how much Scowen runs about).  Another driving run from Marley wins the corner for Winnall’s goal.  He must be the most implausible right winger in the division.  And the most creative.

Hate Conor?  Captain and star man?  Oh, it's a #.

At 2-2, Hecky was forced to make changes.  He brought on Jackson as centre half, while on comes Scowen.  Who cares if you only have 10 men when Scowen does the running of two?  Kent and Bradshaw are sacrificed.  Surprisingly, he didn’t use the 3^rd sub, when I’d have expected Armstrong to show his face; his direct running could have stretched City at a time we were struggling to keep hold of the ball.  However, the 10 men held strong.

Not seen this for a while...I went upstairs today.

*** Marley.  Helps set up another 2 and nearly scored himself, what would have been a killer 3-0.  Didn’t see too much of the ball after we went a man down, but not many did  Twitter MOTM.

** Morsy.  Scurried around kicking anything that moved, sometimes even the ball.  He also showed something not previously seen in his locker, taking on 2 players before hitting a decent 20 yarder.

* Winnall.  Scored, could have had more, great movement.

Londontykes' Top 3:
1. Watkins
2. Yiadom
3. Morsy

I am proud.  Another champion effort.

Despatches:
The rest all had their moments, but special mention to MacDonald who made the clearance of the game at 2-2, when it looked like they’d have a tap-in at the back post.  Overall, we shouldn’t grumble.  We tore them apart with 11 and the ref had to even things up by making us play with only 10 men.  It just wasn’t fair on Birmingham otherwise.

And a final word on Norman Rimmington, ‘Mr Barnsley’. There can’t be another man in football like him…player, assistant coach, physio, groundsman, kitman…supporter.  A minute’s applause is the least he deserved.  Rest in peace, Rimmo.

Onwards and upwards!

The Ponty v Brum

Drink du jour: Vodka and orange.  We were really looking forward to a trip to the Tap as well, after the match, but Northern Rail put paid to that, ba5tards.

Away: 1350.  ‘2-0 and you f***ed it up’ followed by a round of sh*tting on the Villa.  But you have to laugh at this fickle bunch; when the crowd was announced, they had the gall to chant ‘your support is f***ing sh*t’.  How many do you think they brought?  That’s right, 1,350, or roughly 100 less than Blackburn the other day.  I bet I’ve seen Birmingham City more times than nearly 3 million people in England’s 2^nd city (based on population, rather than any kind of sporting or cultural achievements).

The Damage:
£26.10 train
£3 prog

The tunes:
Singles (Future Islands)

The away end.  Villa brought 3 times as many for a midweeker.

Looking towards the away end.

The old main stand.

and before darkness fell.