BFC 3-1 Huddersfield Town, Saturday 30th August 2025

‘Can you smell that? A goal’s coming.’

After the morning I had, I was just grateful to be there, Satdy. Setting off from the delectable surroundings of Castleton in the Peak District, my car was making some awful clunky noises and making a juddering motion. I used all my knowledge of cars, as well as my investigative skills, to determine something tragic had gone wrong with the engine. I limped to a car park and called the AA. Within the hour I was back on the road. The diagnosis? A bolt in the tyre. Not a nail, not a screw, a bl**dy BOLT. Anyway, yeah, yeah, I know nowt about cars.

Something else I know nowt about is golf, but I must’ve listened to the blokes behind me banging on about it for half an hour during that 1st half. ‘And you’ll never guess how many times I’ve had a go at that par 3’. No, I wouldn’t. I’m trying to watch a game here, one we’re actually being vaguely entertaining in, and you’re rattling on about where to buy the best ‘golf grip’. JUST SHUT THE F*** UP. (One of the 2 normally sits in my row and usually doesn’t even offer a grunt when he wants to be past for his half-time beer long before half-time arrives.)

We went one up early, DKD snaffling the rebound after Ogbeta’s cross was fumbled by the keeper. I was relieved for him, he’d missed the same chance a couple of minutes earlier after the keeper fumbled a Connell shot. I’m not sure about this keeper. Then, minutes before half-time, said custodian legs it out of his goal to decapitate McGoldrick outside the box. Fair play McGoldrick, he sees it coming and lobs the ball goalwards despite knowing the keeper is incoming. I’m not sure it needs the 14 rolls though. (Hilariously, on the highlights, he’s still rolling as they cut to a replay.) With 10 mins to the interval, could we nick one before half-time?

Yes, we most certainly could. Connell (who’d only given the ball away twice to provide breaks to Hudds in our half) hits one from the edge of the box through a crowd of players. One kindly deflection and a despairing dive later, it’s two nil. Then I get greedy, could we nick a third? No, though we had the ball in their final third. It’s fair to say that I felt confident, but not supremely so. The champions of England had thrown away a two goal lead against 10 men at the Mags this week, so I’m sure we could do too.

Second half...who had 10 men? For 20 odd minutes we were all over the place and there were plenty of half chances for our Terrier friends. Then Coach Conor sent on the ‘finishers’ (Kelly and Faruggia) for Bland and McGoldrick and we were all over them. Kelly driving from midfield, slick one-touch moves in their third, we were slicing them to pieces. DKD scores a tap-in after one such move, but he’s marginally ahead of the cross, offside. Boooo. Then, just as in the 1st half, he makes up for it within minutes, pouncing on the rebound after Phillips’ blockbuster was saved. ‘He loves a tap-in’ said I. Slack. Yes, he does. But this is to do him a disservice. He’s PROACTIVE, always on the sniff for such chances. What a world away it was when we had Max Watters up front. He’d still be there, somewhere on the backpost, gawping.

This was the queue for the away end to empty. They’d held on at 2-0, as I’m telling you, we gave them hope. So it’s with almost a smile that half of them missed their late consolation as Ogbeta’s backpass was never reaching Cooper. How will Coops ever keep a clean sheet with this defence? It brought a smidgeon of disappointment at full-time, as this could’ve been a chance to score 4 or 5 without reply. Still, I’d have taken 3-1 at 3pm.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Watson. Intercepted passes, made tackles, passed the ball consistently to a Red, got up the pitch. Perfect.
** DKD. Scored 2, had a 3rd narrowly offside.
* Earl. Confident in possession, faultless in defence.

Official MOTM: DKD.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. DKD 2. Watson 3. Earl

Despatches:
Jonathan Bland. Everyone loves him. A world-beater in the making. (I’m surprised none of the Big 6 have been linked.) Even yesterday I saw the messages at HT about what an amazing game he had 1st half, centre mid. I just don’t see it. Or, others didn’t see the 3 times he lost the ball, plus the poor defensive header after McGoldrick’s initial poor defensive header put the ball in his own box. For me, it’s no coincidence we ran riot after Kelly came on. He’s simply more dynamic. He runs FORWARD with the ball, gives and goes, makes things happen. Bland is just...tidy. Let’s see how the season develops, but there you go, I’ve nailed my colours to the mast. I’m now hunkering down for the expected incoming...

McGoldrick. Good job we have a DKD, cos after a couple of games without a goal, McG will soon match Dire, about 1 in 3. I loved his miscontrol when put clean thru on Satdy (by Vickers?), Rammellesque, controlling a ball 20 yards to the keeper. That woud’ve made it 3 nil early 2nd half, and who knows how many we’d have racked up?

I thought we were generally solid, though Shepherd had irked one Reds fan on Praise or Grumble, asking whether ‘he’s trying to be Beckenbauer with all his Cruyff turns’. WTF? Unpick that one.

Vickers continues to be good value. Best loanee since...? The way he turns and spins on a sixpence with the ball, leaving 1, if not 2, defenders dead and then creating space, is a joy. OK, he’s not your typical winger, running down the wing and whipping a ball in, but he’s great. Love him. Watch him be bought in Jan by some Championship side, a la Danny Drinkwater back in the day. (Actually, is he the best loanee since Drinkwater? Maybe.)

Finally, it’s transfer deadline day today. If we’ve any intention of challenging for the play-offs (let’s not get carried away with top 2, we’ve barely got a defence) we absolutely need to keep hold of Phillips and DKD. Let’s see what the ambitions are of our owners. (And for top 2, a pair of decent centre halves, pls, and another centre forward.)

Drink du jour: Back on the Lightbulb at Spiral.

Away: 4,831 (15,783) ‘Barnsley’s a sh*thole, I wanna go home.’ I live near Huddersfield, so listen lads. Get back on your poxy rail replacement buses (cos your station’s closed for a month), back to your poxy town centre and go buy some vapes, cos there must be a gazillion purveyors of said product within that ring road of yours. ‘People in glass houses’ etc.

The Damage:
c.£20 petrol
= c.£20

plus a new tyre. £95.

BFC 1-2 Huddersfield Town, Saturday 15th February 2025

‘Idea wer reight, ball wer sh*te.’

What does Coach Clarke say to our players at half-time? If they’ve played badly, he says more of the same. If we’ve played well (and Hudds 1st half was the best in a while)...he tells em to revert to type. He must do. We haven’t played well in a second half since...Christ, I dunno. Even our last 2 wins (Wrexham, Crawley) we were outclassed in the second 45. In one, we hung on, in the other, we were 3 up and Kilip made save after save. So I guess it was Peterborough away, last year.

Still, what can Clarke do with the players at his disposal? I’ve heard of strength in depth, we have weakness in depth. Or strength in weakness. Weakness in strength? If I told you we were losing and the answer is ‘take your centre forward off and put Josh Benson on’ you know you’re in trouble. Humphreys was switched to CF and was so witless he was hauled for a player who can barely get a game for the under 23s (Dire). To be fair, Dire junior was probably the least hapless, actually managing a header on target. The less said about the new Frenchie Rodrigues, the better. At least he lasted 62 minutes today, or 17 more than his debut. I can’t see him completing 90 minutes anytime soon. Indeed, I can’t generally see him. What DOES he do?

Back to Clarke though, in this game of Blame Ping Pong. We came out second half and were STEAMROLLERED by Hudds. Everyone could see a goal coming. Clarke’s response? Cross his fingers and HOPE a defence including Pines would simply hold out. It didn’t, and in the space of 3 minutes we go from winning to losing. THEN he hauls Rodrigues. I’m sorry, I’m starting to think this manager HASN’T A CLUE, irrespective that the majority of his players are substandard. He could always try IMPROVING them. The clue is in the job title: ‘Coach’. (Unless it’s the other kind of coach.)

A couple of crazy goals too. We manage to concede the equaliser from our own attack: the ball is played to Humphreys’ feet and he appears to be cleaned out. (I’ve since seen it on telly and he runs slap bang into Herbie Kane, of all people, and is run over like Wile E. Coyote hitting a lorry. Weak as p***. 2 passes later, they’re clean through. It’s at times like these I wish I didn’t have such a good view of the formations. It’s painful to see just how open we are.

Maybe the goal will revitalise us? Wake us up a bit. Have another guess. The Terriers get a free kick out wide, 35-40 yards from our goal. The ball is curled in, a Town player dummies it (was it Kane again?) and the ball bobbles into the far corner as new keeper Gauci misjudges it completely. Ah, Gauci. Didn’t take him long to mess up, did it? Good job we strengthened the one area that was going vaguely well, replacing our own employee for some other club’s keeper for us to improve. Well, he’ll certainly get some practice.

There’s half an hour left and the only thing keeping the score down is that Huddersfield are already winning. Good job they weren’t looking to improve their goal difference. We continued to be terrible. Our modus operandi appeared to be to limp to the halfway line, be confronted by an opponent, then square it crossfield 30 yards to repeat the process. Throw in an aimless forward ball and possession was ceded with ease. Lembikisa came on at right back and overhit not one, not two, but three balls down the line. The American bloke came on (Jon Lewis – hopefully he comes with the department store’s fabled money back guarantee), wide left, and looked vaguely promising, in the way Humphreys looks vaguely promising when he’s out wide. We manage a total of 4 efforts on target all game…apart from the goal, that (weak) Dire header, an early DKD 20 yarder and...I can’t remember.

The goal we scored was a thing of beauty. Russell breaks from the halfway line and strides forward. Defenders retreat, he cuts inside and fires into the corner from 20 yards. He didn’t celebrate. I suspect it was cos he’s ex-Hudds, but I like to think it’s cos he knew what was coming. In the space of a year he’s gone from one of our worst players to one of our best.

We are truly dreadful.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Russell. Looked tidy in advanced positions, scored an excellent goal and made a couple of great interceptions to prevent Terriers’ breaks.
** MdG. Is he really composed? Or does he just look it in comparison with Pines and Earl?
* DKD At least LOOKS like he’s trying to score.

Official MOTM: Russell

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Russell 2. MdG 3. DKD

Despatches:
Nice Guy Chris – look away now. Our XG today was 0.4 (thanks, XG correspondent Farnham). In other words, with the shots we took, on average, we’d be expected to score nearly half a goal. Nearly half a goal. At home. Ah, home games. I think I can thank the Chron for this stat...in the last year we’ve played 22 3rd division matches at Oakwell, winning 4, drawing 9 and losing 9. Throw in a hammering in the play-off semi final and these are grim days for the average season ticket holder. 4 home wins in 23 attempts against 3rd tier opposition. Drink that in.

Still, some positive came of Satdy. I left the game richer than I arrived – I handed in mine and Nozzer’s Northampton away tickets after its postponement. I barely wanted to go on a Satdy, so Tuesday nite? No chance. There’s always next season (cries mournfully into his lap).

As for the ‘arrive 8 minutes late’ protest, I’d say as many as 93 folk may have crawled into the Ponty after 3:08pm. There were muted chants of ‘sack the board’ later on, cos ‘sack the head of recruitment’ isn’t catchy enough.

Grim.

Oh, and did I mention Hudds had been badly out of form before facing us? Just like the away game. And, just like the away game, there was only one team in it.

Drink du jour: Beavertown Gamma Ray in Spiral City.

Away: 4,502 (15,600). Very quiet after we scored, bit more lively 2nd half.

The Damage:
c.£8 petrol
= c.£8

Huddersfield Town 1-0 BFC, Saturday 5th February 2022

‘Did you see that bird…...of prey?’

I got out of the car. It was raining. I got back in the car some 4 hours later and it was raining. And inbetween, it rained. It rained, it carried on raining, and it rained some more. So it was the perfect day to take Sarah for a day out in Huddersfield, and while she overdosed on caffeine in a succession of coffee shops, I braved the inclement weather to traipse to the stadium and see another goalless defeat. HTFC must have known how much fans like to stand in the driving rain too, as it wasn’t just the away end that had abysmally long queues outside the turnstile with kick-off looming.

Despite only having one competition left to play for this season (the FA Cup) top coach Asbaghi decided to ‘rest’ Helik and Morris, and give a trot out to carthorses like Iseka and Halme. Oh, and a debut for young Aidan Marsh after his promising cameo against Bournemouth last week. They lasted 45 minutes, dragged off at half-time for a chance to stay in this trophy. Usual story, they scored, we created nowt and the fans bounced between support of the team, taking the p*** out of the team, and criticism of the ownership. But still they made noise. It was too cold not to.

The matchwinning goal? Halme gives it away on the halfway line with a shoddy pass and one pass later they are clean through. I wouldn’t mind, but Halme (frozen out all season, so lacking in match practice, speed and ability – the Holy Trinity? – had already tried giving the Terriers a goal earlier with another careless pass, this time in his own area. Iseka’s contribution appeared to be to hide behind defenders when we were in promising positions to cross a ball. Why doesn’t he run across or in front of the defender, on the OFFCHANCE we’ll put the ball there? Or do we practice crossing balls and having professional footballers deliberately miss the ball for an Iseka tap-in? He is dross. Marsh meantime, well, the one time I saw him with the ball, wide right, he tried to drag it with his left foot (on his right) onto his left foot…basically, a move which wouldn’t come off against a Sunday league defender, telegraphed as it was. (I presume he can’t kick it with his right foot.)

And what a difference! On came Helik, Morris and…ok, Benson….and for 10 minutes we blitzed Huddersfield. A cross to the backpost was headed goalwards by Morris, but it hit a defender (so I don’t hold to the ‘zero shots on target’ the stats say). A couple of minutes later, Benson, with plenty of space to aim at, gets the cross wrong enough for Kitching to have no chance of getting it on target. The latter was on his own, nobody near him. The closest we got was when a Hudds defender completely sliced a cross off the far post, about a minute after they scored. No idea how it didn’t go in…but it didn’t.

And of course, that ‘luck’ continued into the last minute, as Helik’s injury-time equaliser was ruled out by a ref not wanting another 30 minutes in the driving rain. I can’t knock him, I’d have done the same. (In all seriousness, I never saw a foul, no-one did – by Bassi, I’m told – and the ref has a better view. But dare I suggest the goal would have been given 9 times out of 10?) I didn’t see any Terrier appeal, but maybe I’m wrong. I was too busy celebrating that a) we’d whipped in a decent cross and b) had men in the box wanting to get on the end of it.

* later footage taken from someone's cameraphone showed the Huddersfield player throwing himself to the floor under neglible contact. Ref - you've been fooled again.

However, any claims of ill-luck have to be balanced by the number of chances Hudds missed. The most blatant in the 1st half came from OUR corner, as the clearance bounced in front of Jordan and Randy Camel (Andy Rammell) ran clear, only to miscontrol it to the keeper. (Am I the only one to remember Rammell’s inability on 1-on-1s? He was almost as bad as Oddjob.) 2nd half, they could have scored 3 or 4 on the break, as we pushed forward. Fair enough. Some of their misses would have put Rammell to shame.

So there it is, or ‘we can concentrate on the league’ as some wag (note: not WAG…though don’t get me started on that…how can someone be a wife AND girlfriend? Surely it’s a wife OR girlfriend? Oh.) put it in in the post-match pissoir. ‘I hope you stay up’ said a sympathetic middle aged Terrier on the way out. ‘Well, that’s not gonna happen.’ I leant forward and headed into the driving rain.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Morris. 2nd half, we suddenly had a player who could hold a ball up, thereby helping others join him in their half. Imagine.
**Jordan Williams. Same as the last few games. Looks confident joining the attack and defends ably (one unlucky bounce aside). Proved an able deputy for Brittain by also finding the stand from a promising shooting position.
* Bassi. A midfielder who finds other (Reds) players and is confident in possession. What’s he doing here?

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Morris 2= Andersen / Bassi / Jordan Williams

Despatches:
Our shooting. Who coaches them? Callum Brittain? Williams blazes one high and wide from inside their box. Styles hits one 15 yards wide (almost as far wide as the distance he shot from). Morris curling one a yard beyond the top corner. They’re just the ones I remember. Abysmal. Benson. Apparently I wasn’t harsh enough about him last match. An Artist Formerly Known As A Londontyke messaged me ‘I thought Benson had a much better game than usual. He was only sh*te, rather than weak as f***ing p*** sh*te’. I also had a conversation at half-time with a long time face I know. ‘How does Palmer keep getting picked?’ He asked his mate. ‘Are you trying to make my blood pressure f***ing rise? COWARD. That’s what Palmer is. Can’t stand him.’ Blimey. Anyway, there’s a couple of our mainstays in midfield. And you wonder why we’re bottom and out of the cup. By my reckoning, we have a Championship defence, a 4th division midfield and (perhaps) a 3rd division forward line.

It was nice of Asbaghi to compliment the support too, though he obviously couldn’t make out what we were chanting. While we are still ‘by far the greatest team the world has ever seen’, my own favourite was ‘Que sera sera, whatever will be will be, we’re going to Shrewsbury, que sera sera’. Or the less succinct ‘Barnsley get battered everywhere we go (everywhere we go)’. I can see Nice Guy Chris turning in his armchair. Oh, and there was still plenty of room for ‘We want Conway out’ which, admittedly, is a bit catchier than my ‘We want Conway to repay any monies he’s robbed from fans in order to pay for the club, followed by a sign of contrition and some investment in the team.’ But it’s early days.

ps, is my quote of the day the most Kes thing you’ve ever heard? But I heard it, I did! On the way to the ground.

Drink du jour: A lovely latte in some café in a Victorian (looking?) arcade. Lovely.

Away: 2,700, a sellout. (But why do Huddersfield give a third of the stand to their own fans when they’ve 5,000+ empty seats elsewhere in the stadium? Or is it our own fault, as ‘away clubs have the right to claim for up to 15% of all accommodation’ (the FSA website)? At a tenner a ticket, and the game 15 miles from Barnsley, is our team so bad that the powers-that-be didn’t think we’d sell out the whole of that away end? (Don’t answer that.)

Number of games since we last scored 2 goals or won a game against Championship-grade opposition: 13. 0100110110000 or LLLDDLDLLLLLL. Whichever you prefer.

The Damage:
c. £30 petrol
= c. £30

I’d have had a programme too, if I could find one. (There were plenty trodden into the wet concrete of the stand, so they did exist.)

The Tunes:
BBC 5Live

I’d have listened to some music, but it’s that Sarah – she just loves a bit of sport. (True.)

BFC 1-1 Huddersfield Town, Saturday 4th December 2021

‘Perhaps they won’t let you in’
‘I’ve got my fingers crossed.’

Who was that team in red, knocking the ball about with quick one-touch football in the final third yesterday? I dunno. Possibly the same team who misplaced a pass in midfield (Helik), found too many players the wrong side of the ball and conceded from our own possession. Welcome to relegation, 21/22 style! Yes, we’d looked the better side, so, (as Andy said) it came as no surprise to see us one down. Indeed, in a half where we looked the better team, Huddersfield still had more shots than us. They hit the bar, Collins tipped one over…and before they scored, how they missed, I’ll never know. Collins palms a shot straight to their bloke, who, with two-thirds of an empty goal to aim at, knocks it back to a prostrate keeper. Ta very much, young man!

But, yes, there was noticeable improvement in the opposition’s half, as players attacked with PACE and no amount of SKILL. Morris and Styles, in particular, linked up well. However, 2 (TWO) shots on target tells its own story. And no wonder. Styles fizzed a low ball straight across the 6 yard box and Woodrow and Iseka were nowhere near. I’d have thought you’d have to move to score a goal. (Only Winnall had the ability to stand still and chances would come to him.)

Basically, everything that was thrown at the Huddersfield goal came from Carlton Morris, just back from long term injury. He had a shot deflected wide (the ref laughably giving a goal kick, if you wonder why our corner count was ‘nil’), while he turned a defender superbly to be free wide left, only for the ref to somehow find a foul. (The defender gambled wrongly.) A second half header that was going into the top corner was too far out to pose real danger, but was as good as it got in 45 minutes of nothingness (for either side). Oh, and I once had to do a double take, as Cauley Woodrow turned in the box and beat his player for pace. Then I realised it was Carlton! (Yeah, yeah, I know they look….different).

The goal? Helik got a second bite at the cherry and dinked a lovely ball over the top for Morris to run onto and bury into the far corner with his left foot. Have we finally got a forward who can finish?

The second half? Aside from that Carlton header, I cannot remember a thing about it. Except for the odd misplaced pass in midfield, a la 1st half. Luckily Hudds weren’t good enough to capitalise.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Carlton Morris. Hands down. And with us not losing, the official MOTM award is BACK! ‘And today’s man of the match is Carlton Morris’ said the most understated man in the world. No fanfare, no nuffing.
** Styles. For the 1st half combinations with Carlton.
* Gomes. True, there were a couple of misplaced passes, but he must have had more touches than anybody else. He does worry me though, as he always seems to be on the VERGE of losing it.

Official MOTM: Carlton.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Morris 2. Andersen 3. Styles

Despatches:
Cauley Woodrow. The man, the player, the legend. I don’t know a Reds fan who thinks he should still be in the team. I bumped into Darrell at half-time and before my ‘hello’ had finished he was on a rant about our captain. Still, if you were to listen to Cauley’s interview on Radio Sheffield after the match, we’re ‘fickle fans’ who ‘know nothing’. I’ve just looked up the meaning of ‘fickle’: ‘changing frequently, especially as regards one's loyalties or affections.’ Not guilty, m’lud. I have changed my mind about Cauley ONCE. I used to think he was a cracking centre forward, and I wasn’t awfully bothered about us losing Keifer Moore – we’d kept the better one. But for near enough 2 years, all I’ve seen is a struggling, cumbersome, slow, plodding bloke whose arms get more exercise than his legs as he appeals for yet another refereeing decision. I grant you I might know nowt, but let’s see…can 10,000 fans be wrong? If we say our fans average 10 years of support each (and it’s problies more, given the average age of our season ticket holders) that’s 100,000 years of watching football at Oakwell without being able to understand it. Quite the feat, I’m sure you’d agree.

Cauley then tells us players at the bottom DON’T score 15 goals a season*, perhaps not considering that if he DID score 15 goals, we wouldn’t BE bottom.

*True. Dean Saunders used to get 25+ with Derby County back in the day.

I’m going to be controversial here. 6 minutes in and the crowd are applauding. Who’s died now? Turns out to be for that kid in Solihull, horrifically killed by his parents (well, stepmum and biological dad). A tragic affair, for sure. But it’s only in the news cos his parents have just been sentenced. So what are we commemorating? Their sentence? Cos he died in June 2020, and we’d not bothered with owt since. Where do we draw the line? Must we commemorate every individual tragedy? Is that what I come to football for? What about my cousin who was killed in a ‘one punch’ incident? Is that tragic enough? The two sisters who were knifed to death in a park last year? Is that devastating enough? Do we have a points system for such things?

Let’s stick to once a year. Remembrance Day. Me? I was too busy tucking into a Gregg’s festive bake, the very meaning of Christmas. Apologies.

Drink du jour: A beautiful pint of an IPA I’d never heard of in Barnsley’s newest cracking bar – Spiral City. I’m going there again. (Cracking choice, Hicksy!)

Away: 3,848. A welcome return of ‘Barnsley’s a sh*thole, I wanna go home.’ You’d think folk from Huddersfield (15 miles away) would know what Barnsley is like. So why have they rocked up? And why can’t they exercise their civic right not to leave Huddersfield?

Matches played in front of a Main Stand safe enough for journalists/directors/non-playing players etc, but not safe enough for fans: 5. It teemed it down on Satdy, then teemed it some more. I was cold enough in the East Upper (but dry). Another Londontyke, moved from the ‘unsafe’ West Stand to the East Lower, got drenched, along with his 80 year old father. It’s ok having a roof, but no-one told the wind!

The Damage:
c. £31 petrol
£3 programme
= c. £34

The Tunes:
Praise or Grumble (Radio Sheffield)

BFC 2-1 Huddersfield Town, Saturday 11th January 2020

‘You should have seen their daughters.  I could have licked that screen.’

Town centre rebuilding continues.

What a great day!  It was just like the old days.  2 tables full of Londontykes on the Booze Express from Sheffield, alcohol flowing, rubbish being spouted…and Nice Guy Chris censoring the chants (ok, the latter never used to happen, but it does now).  Marius was over from Norway, so the crowds came out in numbers.  Loko half-inched supplies from work meaning beer o’clock started the minute the train set off up north.  Then it was downstairs at the Old Number 7, as Hudds had taken over upstairs (but that was fine, we had a table and there was still a decent atmosphere).  Then we saw a match (the boring bit) before a couple of highlights at the Sheffield Tap, neither of which involved beer.  Just imagine a real-life Jessica Rabbit (look her up).  Was it her top defying gravity or was it what was underneath?  We’ll never know. 

Down the hill to Valhalla.

Ah, yes the match.  What a horrible set of cnuts they were.  What’s happened to Huddersfield?  What is it about ex-Premiership teams?  Petulant, snide, dirty….do they learn that in the Prem or do they just sign those kind of players once they get there?  Either way, fine by us, as they moaned and cried their way through the game, showing no actual effort in just winning.  They obviously had a problem with the referee, who refused to listen to their snivelling.  Mind, I didn’t hear them moan when one of their players walked on Mads’ back after the ball went out.  And the quickest they moved all day was to surround the ref after Bambo had kicked a terrier up in the air.  I presume they were begging the man in black to keep Bambo ON and only show a yellow?  (He did.)

The away hordes.  'Barnsley's a sh*thole' etc.  Yeah, yeah.

Yes, another vintage Bambo performance had done his best, but sadly we still won.  Two-nil up, we’d barely had time to savour our imminent victory before Bambo wildly swung at a clearance, gives it straight to them…and it’s 2-1 and we’re hanging on.  Still, that was some finish, a rocket into the net from 25 yards that no keeper on earth would have dared get in the way of.  Earlier, Bambo had done his best Beckenbauer impression, going on some hair-brained run before losing it in their half.  They streaked down the pitch and only a last-gasp block from Mads saved the day.  (It comes to something when you have to rely on HIM.)  Mind, Mads also lost one in his own half when they had numbers up, but I am not kidding when I describe Huddersfield as the worst side I’ve seen this season. 

The old Main Stand.

We went one up early doors when Jacob Brown beat a defender wide-right with ease, before driving it across goal for a Mowatt tap-in.  One has to admire how Mowatt still does everything he can to get it on his left foot even when he’s 3 yards out.  Later, Brown clinched it with another sublime ball to goal machine Conor Chaplin.  10 goals for the season and Loko paying out to Slacki before the transfer window’s even closed.  Job’s a good un.

Otherwise, we had all of the ball and none of the chances.  We wasted a break not dissimilar to those Hudds had showed us how not to do it, but really, it was comfortable.  They really were terrible.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Halme.  I know what we’ll do with our best centre half.  Play him defensive mid and hope for the best.  To be fair, a class act. 

** Brown.  The danger man.  He’s here, here’s there…he’s laying on the goals.

* Chaplin.  Knock knock knockin’ on Barca’s door…actually, I hear Suarez is out for 4 months.  Barca to put in a cheeky bid for Conor.

Official MOTM: Jordan Williams.  Was that cos he was ex-Hudds?

Londontykes' MOTM: 1. Brown 2. Halme 3. Jordan Williams

The Ponty v Hudds.

Despatches:Odour continues to look a cracking find at left back.  Jordan Williams got MOTM, but I can’t say I noticed him.  The centre halves proved they’re capable of a mistake (no news there).  Mowatt was tidy if unspectacular (no news there either) while the new guy…Austrian bloke, no idea of his name….had an awful opening 20, crossing the ball into the stand, etc…but got better and better.  Thomas was close to my top 3 too, driving at Hudds but just not quite getting the final ball right.
I took on a 7^th bet of a tenner pre-match that we’re going down (so that’s two members of the Jones clan who’d better not kick the bucket before season’s end).  If I can convince the other 10,000 season-ticket holders, I can pay off my mortgage.  While I’m enjoying the recent upsurge (no, really!) we can’t keep scoring every week to keep us in it.  Not while we carry Laurel and Hardy at the back.  We just can’t.

And what was wrong with their fans today?  Don’t they know we generally have a good rapport?  If they’re not telling us ‘Barnsley’s a sh*thole, I wanna go home’ (go on then), they’re on the station platform after the match giving it ‘if you’ve got 6 fingers clap your hands’, followed by clapping.  Don’t they do intelligence in Huddersfield?  Still, they were right about Oakwell being a library today.  Why was the atmosphere so poor?  Local derby, 6 pointer, winning…the fans only got going in the last 5 minutes.

Then we were back at St P…so obvs we went to the Euston Tap, where we ended up sat outside in January, enjoying the clement weather and glorious beer.  No, I did not have any recollection of getting home.  Marius is convinced I stood outside my house piling a box of chips from Morleys into my face, but I know this not to be true cos I never go to Morleys.  Ever.

A minute's silence, pre-match.

Drink du jour: Crikey.  A selection of Brewdog…Wehenstephaner at the #7 and Sheffield Tap…spiced rum and ginger ale as well as some other random spirit on the booze express…then I’ve no idea what in London.  This is what happens when Marius comes…

Away: 4,476.  Also a little subdued.

The Damage:

£38 train

£3 prog

= £41

The Tunes:
None – couldn’t even listen to owt on the bus, cos Marius would not shut the f*** up.

East Stand panorama.

Ponty End panorama (cheers Jonesy).

A. Very Tall floodlight pylon.

Them Terriers again.