Lincoln City 3-1 BFC, Tuesday 9th December 2025

‘Room for a little un? By, it’s cold in here.’

I knew it was going too well. I even said so in the pub. I’d found (free) parking close to the ground. The journey had gone smoothly, including pick ups for Lucas from school, Wadd in ‘tarn’ and Stu in Retford. We’d managed to get into the nearby Wetherspoons, despite the doormen looking out for ne’er do wells (Reds fans?) We’d even managed to get a table, and order food. Honestly, being the doom monger I am, I was worried for the journey home if we won tonite. I needn’t have worried.

It was an even opening half hour or so. Twice we’d had the opportunity to play a ball inbetween the centre halves for Cleary to run onto, and twice a poor effort was intercepted (Kelly, DKD). Not that it would have mattered. Cleary was playing as badly as anyone I’ve seen this season. If he controlled the ball, he lost it. And he didn’t often control it. At the other end (in a galaxy far, far, away) Lincoln cleared the bar when it looked easier to score.

However, gradually, Lincoln took control and the general feeling when it came was that ‘it was coming’. They always looked like they had an extra man in the move, but Watson (tonite’s left back) slips, the player cuts inside, and rockets a shot into the far corner. Too easy. We limp to half-time. Changes need to be made. What will Coach Conor come up with?

He takes Yoganathan off. It’s all his fault. (Can I just say, Vimal created the our only chance of note, 1st half, a pullback for DKD’s saved shot). Replaced down the right by a player without a right foot (Farrugia). What is Conor’s obsession with playing Farrugia here? He’s very fast, but even if he strips a player down the line, he can’t cross it in cos he’s only got one foot and that’s not where the ball is.

That said, we are transformed (I’ll ignore an early scare, Cooper tipping a shot round the post after Phillips’ aberration). We are by far the better side. Cleary is getting into the game, and we are on the front foot. And on 67 DKD grabs the equaliser following the kind of sweet move we’ve seen quite often this season. Phillips lays it out wide to Bland who drills the ball low across goal for DKD to sidefoot home. WE ARE IN THIS! Right, heads down, let’s go and get the winner. We hadn’t stopped celebrating before we were picking the ball out of our own net. WTF?

From the re-start after our goal, they play the ball back to the keeper, who chips a soft ball forward. I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE OUR CENTRE HALVES ARE (today it’s Shepherd and MdG) but they have 2 (TWO!) players clean through. Watson’s little legs are feverishly scurrying but he’s nowhere near as the cheeky Imp lifts the ball over Cooper, who’s run out of his goal to join in the embarrassment. Sunday league defending.

I tried looking on the positive side. 1-2 is better than 0-1 in my world, it proves we can score. Unfortunately, it also woke the Lincoln fans up. They were now bouncing while we were disconsolate. ‘You only sing when you’re winning’ chanted some Reds fans in response. ‘They’ve been winning most of the match’ Wadd unhelpfully pointed out.

Still, 20 odd minutes left, we can still get something. 3 minutes later it’s 3-1. This defence is appalling. MdG heads a ball UPWARDS instead of OUTWARDS, everyone stands and stares and an Imp, on his own, knocks it across goal on the volley for a free header on the backpost. Down and out in Sincil Bank. The only team threatening hereafter wore red and white stripes.

It's ok tho. At least it’s not far to the car.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Kelly. I asked Wadd who’d played well (if anybody). He said Kelly. The reason I was asking, was cos it was only Kelly wot stood out for me, but I’m starting to get paranoid that I’m only voting for him cos he’s my favourite player. I don’t want to turn into Bob with Chris Shuker!
** No-one. No-one else came close to Kelly.
* DKD. Scored, had another shot saved. If you think we’re bad now, imagine how bad we’d be without the division’s top scorer.

Londontykes MOTM: 1. Kelly 2. DKD 3. Cooper

Despatches:
This defence of ours. It’s terrible. And it doesn’t matter who plays in it. Take the left back spot. Who’s played there this season? Ogbeta, Earl, MdG, Gent, Watson. Wasn’t loanee Rooney also played there? Have I missed anyone? I take Chris’s point about how well recruitment did with regards to Kelly and Cleary...but what about centre half? What about centre forward? What about left back? And this Rooney bloke. How bad must he be that he can’t get in the team ahead of Shepherd, Roberts, Earl, MdG? Is this the best Coach Conor can do with regards his footie contacts? A Derby reserve player he remembers playing youth football?

As for St. Conor, Wadd said someone on that there social media was criticising the defensive coach. Hourihane is untouchable. Even when the team can’t defend, it’s not his fault. He’s the one who brought Keogh in, he’s the one in overall control of the team, he’s the one who brings on Farrugia on the right while Vickers is left twiddling his thumbs on the bench, he’s the...etc

Dismal.

Away: 737

Drink du jour: Leffe at the Ritz Wetherspoon.

The Damage:
26 ent
c.30 petrol
= c£56

Lincoln City 1-2 BFC, Saturday 17th August 2024

‘Serenity now, serenity now.’

This is why we’re better off in division 3. Cathedral, cobbles and German wheat beer. Where are Washday traipsing this weekend? Sunderland. Ever been to Sunderland? As well as fantasy trips to Hull, Stoke, Middlesbrough...it’s a just a tour of this summer’s far right ‘troubles’ innit? You can chuck in Dirty L**ds too. Whereas we also get Shrewsbury, Exeter, Cambridge...Rotherham. Ok, I’ll stop there.

Plus we win more in division 3. Often while playing quite badly. And so it was today, as we nick 2 goals from the only efforts I remember on target (save for a Cotter shot blocked) while a commanding performance between the sticks from our league debutant (and Chelsea 8th choice) Slonina brought renewed optimism for our chances this season. Sign a striker and we might even finish top half!

As Nozzer said, it was a most pleasant day out. Nice Guy Chris and Mrs Nice Guy met us at the train station and pre-match was spent in last season’s craft ale house, BeerHeadz. Mind, I lost Reedy and Nozzer on the way up, as I appeared to know half the street. There were Reds here, there and everywhere. Problies had to get there early for Lincoln Pride. I must pass on my thanks to Googlemaps too, directing me around the entire circumference of the cathedral to get to Beerheadz. Lovely. (You don’t get this in Sunderland...it doesn’t have a cathedral.) People who know me, will, of course, blame my inability to use technology properly.

Had a lovely walk along the river to the ground, too. Well, we would’ve done, were it not for the police barring any Reds fans from the pleasure. We got to admire the - ahem – characterful local housing instead. I hate being bullied. (It was the same afterwards.) Surely we Barnsley fans have an impeccable reputation, and are not the sort to destroy brand new toilets later on at the ground (rumour had it). To be fair, they could do with new toilets. As folk queued 5 deep for the urinals, fans simply p***ed in the sinks. And that was the Ladies. What was I saying about the appeal of division 3?

We had good seats, so much so we didn’t use them. High up, but not too central, so avoided the idiots (adjacent company excepted). Besides, from where we were, we could keep an eye on Chris, who’d rather sit near the front so he can’t see owt at the far end. (I should talk; even now people are telling me Roberts grabbed our winner, when I know full well it was Cosgrove heading home. Do we have too many blond Adonides? It seems we do; if Connell wasn’t so one-footed, I wouldn’t know the difference between him and Craig in centre-mid either). Anyway, that goal was at the far end. It’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.

Roberts’ goal was also early enough in the second half that many fans missed it. I know that feeling. But far away as it was, I detected a fine cross from B. Cotter. Love you Bazza! That put us two up, Cosgrove scoring after 13 with a beautiful pass into the far corner from just inside the box following immaculate control. Piece of cake this division.

I couldn’t see Lincoln getting back into it. Slonina had saved a one-on-one in the first half and commanded his area like no Reds keeper within immediate memory. However, his kicking was very much of the Adam Davies variety. Yet I’m sure I read he was good with his feet. Maybe he’s a dancer? Anyway, between him and defensive giants Pines and Roberts, nevermind MdG, Earl and Cotter...and big lads up top in Cosgrove and Watters...every time Lincoln got a corner, I told Andy ‘we’re not gonna concede from a set piece THIS SEASON.’ So we conceded from a set piece, as a corner was half cleared and a bloke with the glorious name of House swivelled and half volleyed into the far corner. ‘Who in the Reds team would score THAT?’ ‘Nobody.’ ‘House hits home’ the Lincoln Gazette confusingly headlines. Probably.

From that point on, we sat back and soaked up what barely constituted pressure. A couple of soft headers straight to Slonina, the closest other time we came to conceding was when Roberts chopped the right winger as he crossed it in. It was undoubtedly a foul. The only question was whether it was in the box. The ref had a great view of it…and ignored it completely. Good man. Oh, and a miscommunication between keeper and MdG. But I wasn’t worried. I wasn’t.

Last week: bottom of the table. This week: top of the bottom half.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Slonina. Remember that name. This kid will go far. (So he should, I hear he cost Chelsea 10 mill.) USA! USA!
** . Cotter. Raided the right wing, didn’t let the ball go under his foot for a throw once...and set up what turned out to be the winner.
* Pines. Dominant and composed.

Londontykes’ POTY: 1. Slonina 2. Cosgrove 3= Pines/Cotter

Despatches:
I’m liking this new manager – he tells it like it is. ‘The fans were 10/10, we were 3/10.’ One of the big problems with Neill Collins last season was his continuous inability to call a spade a spade. The football would be terrible and yet we’d ‘played well’ or ‘controlled the game’. Fans aren’t stupid. Sorry, all fans aren’t stupid.

Can I rewind? I know the best chance they had of scoring. Marc Roberts. What a liability he looked with the ball was at his feet. Gave it away almost as much as Phillips, but in much more dangerous areas. I’d rather he DIDN’T have to fling himself about trying (often succeeding) in winning the ball back. Just bl**dy control the ball and pass it simple. Simple. He’s like a s*** Chris Morgan. Obviously lucky not to concede a penalty, he also gave away a cheap corner despite being in control of the ball, being outwitted by an opponent whose IQ is in double figures. Unfortunately, Roberts is of an age where he won’t/can’t learn. Then there’s the fans, chanting ‘we all dream of a team of Marc Roberts’. I spent half the second half picturing what that would look like. It’s not pretty. Thanks for the winner tho.

Phillips was dire. Not as anonymous as last week (good) cos he kept giving the ball away (bad). Not even a wild hoof into the crowd this week, that’s how bad he was. If it’s true we’re after Keilor-Dunn, I’d take the money on Phillips and run. And Earl. What’s the point of him? We’re playing with wingbacks but he’s NOT A WINGBACK. Basically offered nothing going forward down the left. I can only imagine the manager is trying to make us the BIGGEST TEAM IN THE LEAGUE, so we don’t concede from set pieces...blah blah blah. MdG? Never noticed him till a(nother) misunderstanding with the goalkeeper nearly led to his backpass dribbling into an empty net.

Connell and Craig looked tidy, but didn’t do a lot, while Cosgrove and Watters...well, the former scored at least. We need a striker.

Oh, and the highlight of the day? On the train back, watching a drunk, middle aged, bald, Reds fan hammer on the door of the toilet for 10 solid minutes...before the train guard opened the door to tell him it wasn’t the toilet. Reedy is still cackling.

Drink du jour: Flotzinger Weissbier in BerrHeadz, Cloudwater Fuzzy in The Strait and Narrow.

Away: 1,845 (sellout).

The Damage:
£39 train (inc two together card)
£8 petrol
£25 ent
= £72

Lincoln City 2-2 BFC, Saturday 25th November 2023

‘F*** the cup, we’re going up.’

It pays to travel with Molly. You learn stuff. Like Lincoln cathedral used to be the tallest (manmade?) structure in the world and Sam, his cat, won European Cat of the Year three years in a row. Quite the achievement, though Selwood tells me his cat was World Champion. But these were fallow years, Redfearn not yet entering. Ahhhh, cats…do yer really wanna know what sets Lincoln apart in the away day world? No, it’s not the cathedral. It’s not the castle. Nor is it the charming olde world cobbled high street. It’s the cat café…which Sarah, Moll and I went to post-match. Whoooo’s a tiger…..YOU’RE a tiger!

The match? Rubbish. One of the worst two-all draws I’ve ever seen. 1st half, we had ONE shot on target, a Cadden 25 yarder from a well worked corner. (A similar corner later on had me firing off ‘PHILLIPS IS BACK’ on WhatsApp. And he was back…hitting the ball 10 yards over the stand (nevermind the goal)). Still, there were 4 minutes of the first half where we WEREN’T behind, as Jordan seizes the opportunity to foul their player as he nips into a gap. I thought it was a pen,. Others didn’t…including a bloke I chatted to at half time. ‘Never a penalty’ he said, ‘though I didn’t see it, ah was having a p***’. It was one of those. If it’s us, never in a million years. If it’s them, the ref can’t wait to point to the spot. Yes, the player was looking for it, but Jordan fell for it and contact was made.

Second half, game is going nowhere. Luca Connell is back in midfield, but he’s performing the Kane role. Neat and tidy simple passes, keeping possession, but zero runs forward and even fewer tackles. Kane is a bit further up, being totally anonymous without easy possession being given to him on the halfway line. Completing the midfield was Styles, whose one contribution I remember was losing it and then chasing 20 yards to win it back. He could’ve saved his energy by getting the pass right in the first place.

Up top, Cole and McAtee were this week’s Chosen Ones. Devante Cole. That lucky streak…sorry, that streak he had in August and September looks a long way off. Hopefully the last couple of months will assuage those who worried we’d lose him in January. There can’t be a team in the Championship he’d improve….in a league containing both Rovum and Sheffield Wednesday (pride of South Yorkshire). McAtee flitted around and got his reward for his movement by tapping in the winner. Well, it would have been the winner, had we been able to defend a late corner

Yes, tis true. From going nowhere fast, we scored twice in 4 minutes midway through the second half. I suspect the equaliser could be my highlight of the season. No, not the goal, good as it was….Cotter ghosting in on the backpost to send it the opposite way past the keeper. No, stood behind the goal, and bouncing down the terrace in delirium, I’m forced to sidestep a couple of bodies rolling on the concrete. ‘He doesn’t half look like Molly’ I thought. ‘And is that Nozzer?’ Yes, making the mistake of stepping into the aisle, they were mown down by their younger brethren. Quite literally ‘bodies everywhere’. Credit where it’s due though, while I tried to spin round Molly the Teenage Quinquagenarian Mutant Ninja Turtle and get him on his feet, concerned fans came to the aid of Nozzer. Luckily, no damage was done, though let’s be honest – worthwhile collateral damage for a Reds equaliser. (They wisely stuck to their seats as McAtee put us ahead.)

88 minutes on the clock, Lincoln are awarded a corner (apparently it should have been a goalkick, but there’s nothing to stop us defending said corner). It’s at the far end, and it looks like Kilip has dropped it for tap-in. Apologies. Turns out the defence allow a free header, keeper parries, and defence allows the rebound. The draw’s a fair result, and reward for excellent home support. Mind, our side appeared inspired the 5-10 minutes after a round of ‘How s*** must you be, it’s only one nil?’. Perhaps the players need more discouragement.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Ethel. Relaxed, calm, stayed by our side throughout.
** Alfie. Only appears once the chicken’s out…but my, what a magnificent beast.
* Skul. Played on despite an obvious injury (forced to wear the ‘cone of shame’)

Sorry, I mean:

*** Cotter. Lost it more than any other player – cos he tried to make things happen more than any other player. Quality finish for goal.
** Cadden. Apart from losing the ball once taking the fullback on, never put a foot wrong.
* No idea. I’ve hammered everyong else. Kilip. One-on-one save, 1st half, late save from corner.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Cadden 2. Cotter 3. Connell

Despatches:
It gets forgotten, but we coulda been two down, The Frenchman giving the ball away as last man. Thankfully, an unconvincing finish and Kilip saves. In the meantime, did we miss a chance? I don’t think we did. Cole’s one touch was to completely mess up a backheel as we broke in a promising position. Cosgrove came on, and Reedy marvelled at how such a huge bloke can’t win a header. (Well, if YOU were carrying that weight, could YOU jump?) Oh, and I liked the look of the #4. Whothehell is he? Turned out to be Lopata, on for Cotter after 86. Russell came on for Connell after 87. They scored after 88. Just saying.

Are we getting promotion? At 2-1, the fans loved a bit of ‘F*** the cup, we’re going up’. But I can’t help feeling this was purely cos it rhymes and my ‘F*** the cup, we’re finishing ninth’ just wasn’t catchy enough. And who wanted a cup run anyway? Who wanted to see us play at Sutton for the first time in our history, before a plum 3rd round victory at Old Trafford, or Anfield, followed by the inevitable march on a historic double Wembley trip – semi and final – FA Cup victory, Europe next season…etc etc. No, I’d rather we can’t fill in a bit of paper properly and get kicked out. I can do without the expense next season of a European tour. F*** the cup.

Drink du jour: Fierce and Noble Edelweiss wheat beer in BeerHeadz. Reedy comes good again.

Away: c.1,800 (sellout)

The Damage:
£20 ent
c.35 petrol
= c.£55

Lincoln City 0-0 BFC, Tuesday 18th April 2023

‘It wor a brek fer Ramadan.’

Is it the end of a dream? Well, maybe – if the dream is to finish in the top 2. Personally, I’d rather celebrate promotion at Wembley than sat on a couch at home like last time (some other team losing to give us promotion). But after drawing at Lincoln and the top 3 winning, automatic looks spent. That’ll teach us for getting our hopes up last nite, as at one point Plymouth and Ipsh*t were losing. Still, could be worse. Them losing would’ve opened the door for Washday, winning at Bristol Rovers. Let’s not fret about who we’ll face in the play-offs. There’s nothing to fear there – if we perform. If we don’t, well, we have ourselves to blame.

At the LNER Stadium (nee Sincil Bank) we drew a blank, but it wasn’t for the want of trying, particularly 2nd half. I know the stats say we only had ONE shot on target, a bobbler from Luke Thomas late on, but that didn’t tell the entire story. Their goal led a charmed life as Adam Phillips tried to walk it in. Did he dummy it twice, or 3 times, before his shot was blocked, 10 yards out? Then Bobby Thomas, unmarked on the back post, flicked it wide with the goal gaping. Why’s he flicking his head like that? JUST HEAD IT STRAIGHT AT THE GOAL. I think he wanted to find the corner, when all he needed to do was get it on target. (It was the first of many mistakes from Bobby last nite; he couldn’t put a foot right as passes went astray time and again.)

Thing was, it wasn’t even Lincoln’s first choice keeper. He’d been sent off at the weekend. So we spent 90 minutes not even trying to test this young lad from any range whatsoever, though I suspect a fair amount of that was stalwart defending from the Imps backline and midfield, who got back in numbers. Also, while our build up play wasn’t as ponderous as Burton away, there were still far too many hoofs/dinks to their centre halves. And if it cleared the centre half, it just ran through to the keeper. Listen, lads, there isn’t a player in the Premiership who can make the pass we’re trying to do. Who out there can chip a ball over a centre half, into a small amount of space between him and keeper, and make it spin backwards for the centre forward to run onto? So why are WE trying to do it?

Cole and Norwood looked lost, forever making runs out wide while midfielders (and defenders) misplaced the final ball. Though later, with Jordan Williams on the left beating his man all ends up, he pulled it back across the box for…..nobody. It was a perfect cutback, which neither Tedic, nor Watters, nor Phillips, nor anybody of a Reds attacking persuasion, read. Don’t these players PRACTICE? Whenever Man City pull a ball back, as defenders run to the line in panic, there’s someone popping up to knock it in. (Even Raheem Sterling could perform this most perfunctory of tasks while at the Etihad…and don’t tell me he’s anything less than rubbish).

Yes, it wasn’t our night, but fair dues Lincoln. They put a shift in, made life difficult, and forced the save of the match from Isted, 1st half, as he tipped it onto the bar. It’s not all doom and gloom. Next season, I’ll make a weekend of it. Sarah’s never been to Lincoln.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Mads. It’s that part of the season where I wonder who our star centre half will be playing for next season.
** Isted. Had one thing to do and did it perfectly.
* Norwood. Put himself about, yet often found himself one v two.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Andersen 2. Isted 3. Connell

Despatches:
The journey down was…interesting. I rather fancied getting there early, savour Lincoln, but twas not to be. A late start, caused by a paint job taking a lot longer than I envisaged, then problems on the A1. Roadworks south of the M62 meant losing a lane. And with us sensible types tucking in with 800 yards to go, it gave the tw*ts chance to push in. 4 went past before I pulled out to stop them, in time for a white black van man to go ape behind me, smashing his steering wheel and shouting abuse, as I prevented him cruising that 800 yards further up the motorway. Is that you? Are you that type? At one point, he tried to skirt around me onto rough ground by the central reservation, till I cut him off. Listen mate, I’ve got places to go too. Letting dozens of other cars cruise to the front would have meant it taking longer for those of us who were there first. And I didn’t realise it, but it would have meant me missing more of the match than I did…

The road cleared and I got off at Blyth (South Yorks edition) for a ‘comfort break’ and a Greggs. I put the ground into Google. Christ, 58 minutes…and it’s an hour before kick-off. But it’s taking me past Lincoln and in again. F*** that. I jumped in the car and went A57. ‘Toll bridge ahead’. What!? Yes, I had to cross a bl**dy toll bridge. On an ‘A’ road. Are we in the 18th century? (Insert own ‘Lincolnshire’ joke here.) Forty pence it cost me. Even odder, I then went through the hamlet of Odder, before being held up on a railway crossing on the edge of Lincoln. Is it the 19th century here? All these things would’ve been far more quaint were I not in a rush. Luckily, I parked up in a dead end side street about 10 mins from the ground, with Nozzer hassling me about when I’m gonna turn up (cos he had my ticket). Sorry, Nozzer. We got in just as the match kicked off.

And what’s this? Late in the first half, the ref has called a break to let me have a p***? Very kind of him, though someone in the bogs reckoned it was for Ramadan. Really? I thought we’d got rid of this religious nonsense when we started allowing games to be played on a Sunday. (Weirdly, while we couldn’t play games on Sunday, we played on Christmas Day. Go figure.) I’m sorry, but why are we pandering to people who CHOOSE to fast. (As an aside, there’s already a few loopholes allowing muslims to break their sacrifice anyway.) Honestly, at the risk of being accused of being a Daily Mail reader, I find it outrageous. (It didn’t help. Larkeche was subbed anyway.)

The players? Kitching disappeared after a promising first half. Jordan Williams encompassed everything (in)consistent about rhe performance, one second being brilliant, another giving the ball away needlessly. Ditto Kane and Connell. Was it Kane got booked for halting a Lincoln break? Too early in the game for dishing yellows Nozzer says. So we agree that you can do whatever the hell you want in the first 20 minutes and go unpunished. That’d liven things up here in the lower divisions. I never really noticed Cole. Occasionally, I’d see him run, but the ball never got there. Still, running is one thing NO-ONE has seen Watters do. Or jump. Again, he was lucky to escape a red as an elbow sorted the Lincoln scamp who dared to challenge him. (Sadly, when the ref eventually blew, we were up in numbers with the ball out wide.) Tedic was anonymous. Ooh, and fellow sub Luke Thomas. He probably looked the most likely to break the deadlock…till he allowed himself a shot and proved otherwise.

Anyway, it was a handy midweek fixture for me, being that I had to head on to London to organise a carpet fitting at my property in Peckham. So Weds was spent in Sarf Landan, thinking about things I miss….the panoply of ethnic restaurants, great drinking holes, the buzz of busy streets, Khan’s Bargain Store (where else can you buy a window squidgy and spices?) and warm, sunny weather. But in the interest of BBC balance, I’ll happily not miss dirty streets covered in debris, religionists (Christians) on their microphones telling me to let Jesus into my life, beggars (deserving or otherwise) and the mentally deranged, screaming at anybody and everybody in Greggs. Yes, Peckham certainly has more life to it than Ferryhill!

Drink du jour: Likely. That jam on the A1 put paid to that.

Away: 1700 and some. Packed. A crackling atmosphere, as we entered, and couldn’t get to our seats for fans standing. I loved being stood right behind the goal on a rammed staircase. All we needed was a goal and it would’ve gone off in there.

Today’s take home: Can we now officially start planning for the play-offs?

The Damage:
£24 ent
c. £20 petrol
= £44

The Tunes*:
Grey Area (Little Simz)
The Best of NWA (NWA)
Their Law: The Singles 1990-2005 (Prodigy)
Live and Dangerous (Thin Lizzy)

*They’re back, after an enforced absence. Listening to NWA and The Prodigy whilst sat in traffic ensured I was more pumped for the match than the players. Thankfully, they calmed me down.