BFC 3-1 Accrington Stanley, Saturday 21st January 2023

‘He doesn’t have a right foot. Or a left.’

What just happened there? We’re 19 minutes in and winning by three goals to nothing. The game is effectively over….which is roughly a 100% improvement on the last home game (Bolton) which was over in 10 minutes. We were 2 up in 8 minutes. I know this cos I went for a p*** after Norwood opened the scoring with an overhead bicycle kick (have I really just written that?). I mean, there’s no way we’re gonna score 2 in 2 minutes, especially not this early in the game. The cheer went up as I re-entered. Nice to have the recognition, I never thought.

The 2nd was by Aitchison (I’m told). I’ve since seen it on telly and I think most of us would have scored it, the keeper dropping the ball to him to roll into an empty net from 20 yards. Can YOU kick a ball straight from 20 yards? You’ve a few yards leeway either side, so give yourself SOME credit. Aitchison later wins a mystifying MOTM decision, presumably based on his role in the 3rd….as he fails to hold a ball up and Connell’s subsequent throughball for Phillips splits the defence and allows Williams to run onto the return ball. The control and sidefoot…beautiful. A sweet, sweet move finished by a player with the utmost composure. Nevermind selling him to Preston, get him up top!

The other 71 minutes was disappointing comfortable. I’ll be generous. The game was won and we played within ourselves. Hopefully, conserving some of that energy and them there goals for another game. Cos the alternative was we failed to drive the nail into Stanley’s coffin and p***ed away our chance of improving our goal difference. Worse, in injury time, the ref gave the most bizarre penalty decision in a while, as Larkeche was barged over, their player went down with him…and the ref pointed to the spot. Ah, 3 nil, what does it matter? Well, it matters to US. A clean sheet, the goal difference….but to the ref, it’s just giving the little team a sop for getting to our box. How many penalties against us is that now this season?

Onwards and upwards!

*** Connell. Love the way he controls it, flicks it past 2 opposition players and breaks the line. Twice. Fast becoming my favourite Reds player.
** Norwood. Led the line superbly. Held it up, brought others into the game, scored.
* Williams. Love it when your wingback is furthest forward in open play (and scoring).

Official MOTM: Aitchison

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1= Norwood / Connell 3. Jordan Williams

Despatches:
Kane played very well, kept midfield ticking over. Aitchison was decent (but not decent enough to be MOTM) while Thomas had an outstanding game on debut in a back three with Kitching and Mads. Notable points about the performance for me was our ability to win every second ball, and Kitching and Thomas confidently bringing the ball out of defence. Collins had nought to do, save saving a penalty….which he didn’t. Let’s not beat about the bush…for all we’ve conceded, he hasn’t saved a penalty all season, has he? The latest one went straight through him.

I also note that in 2 games against Accrington, we have scored four goals, and conceded two – both extremely disputable penalties. I wouldn’t mind, but I’m still fuming at the one NOT given to us for a blatant foul on Cadden in the away game. If we got the rub of the green (and had a forward line) we’d be running away with this division. (Well, we’d be a place higher than we are now.)

Drink du jour: A lovely IPA in Spiral City. Mind, the small print decreed I couldn’t read it without my glasses on.

Away: 247

Today’s take home: Cole dropped. We score 3. Coincidence?

The Damage:
c.£30 travel (petrol)
£3.50 programme
= £33.50

The Tunes:
BBC 6Music (Radcliffe and Maconie / Huey Morgan)
BBC5Live
BBC 6Music (Craig Charles’ Funk and Soul Show)

Charlton Athletic 2-0 BFC, Saturday 14th January 2023

‘We were alright…till kick-off.’

After a day of drinking…and 2 days of recovering, I can finally face putting fingers to keyboard. £7.20. Seven pounds twenty pence. The cost of my first beer in that there capital city in nearly 3 years. Yes, I understand there’s a crisis in the hospitality industry (cos Loko keeps telling me so) but I didn’t realise I had to solve it single-handedly. Seven hundred and twenty pence. For a beer. And even then I/we get criticised for not having the ‘sense’ to open a tab and wait for our Brewdog Knight in Shining Armour to get us our 25% off. But we did get a bowling alley to amuse ourselves, interrupt conversations and get us mingling. And I don’t mind admitting….Mummy Brewdog (Alison) won. All hail the champ!

In defence of Brewdog, and it’s Palace of Waterloo (it’s biggest yet), beers in London Bridge later were seven quid a pop too. God, I’ve missed London. Reassuringly expensive, as Stella Artois used to claim. And if you drink enough, you can forget all about the latest Reds’ effort….running the show against Chorlton (23 shots to 8) and somehow succumbing 0-2. But if you can’t shoot…of these 23 efforts we had TWO on target. 2 out of 23. That’s less than 1 in 10, less than 10%. These are professional footballers. Not only are they the cream of the crop, they also get to practice 5 days a week. Talent, practice…and a woeful inability to kick a ball at a target 24ft x 8ft, or approximately the size of a barn door.

Mind, I don’t remember too many out and out chances. The one I DO remember, which still annoys the hell out of me, was Cadden hitting the bar with a free header just before half-time. He must have had a clear view of the ball for 30 yards, yet still couldn’t head it on target from about 6 yards. Benson hit the bar too, from outside the box. The rest of our efforts appeared to be players lacking sense and skill, leaning backwards attempting 20 yard half volleys. No-one in particular either, I think they all took a turn finding the crowd. Oh, I nearly forgot. One sweet one touch move ended with a side-footed effort into the bottom corner of….Cole. Possibly the only time he had the ball in their box, given his propensity to be invisible. Cheers, Devante.

Otherwise, we played some super stuff, pass and moves leaving Chorlton stranded as we continually found space out wide for balls to be pulled back…to their centre halves. Time and time again. Given the practice we must have put in for the original move, it seems a little remiss that Cole, or Norwood, or anyone else purporting to be a forward, can’t run into the pre-ordained space to slot it home. That’s what Man City do. Our forwards? Too busy hiding behind defenders, or standing in areas the ball will never reach. Just MAKE A F***ING RUN to the near post, will you!? We have carved them open AGAIN and yet we have NO-ONE in space. Or, if they are in space, it’s somewhere the other side of the box. Never did we look like scoring.

I think they scored with their first attack. Mads backed off and their player got his head down and drove it in at Collins’ near post. In Mads’ defence, I think he was trying to cover the pass (they were 3 on 2), while Collins was expecting the usual shot to the far post. But my main thought was ‘why doesn’t Cole do that? Why doesn’t Cole just run at the defender and get a shot off?. Cos it looks easy to me…if you’ve got pace, and can control a ball, while running. Oh.’ Their second, on the hour, we seemed to switch off. Their forward turned, shot, and we stood still as it hit the post…and ran across goal for a tap-in. OK, they got lucky, it dropped nice….while every bobble in their box went to their centre halves….but we can’t keep blaming bad luck. We have forwards who have no idea what anticipation is. Thus, all our lovely work outside the box goes to waste.

Onwards and upwards!

Top 3: Honestly, I couldn’t choose any. Not cos we were rubbish, just that so many were involved in our intricate passing moves. But I can’t give it to the defence…nothing to do and conceded two (I’m a poet and I don’t know it) while the forwards had plenty of ball in their box to feast on, and feast on they didn’t. Which probably leaves Kane (who got hauled on 64), Connell (who I didn’t think reached the heights of late) and Phillips (who someone had a right rant at me about how s*** he is….but I can’t remember who was doing the ranting….Loko? Anyway, suffice to say, I still haven’t seen our 2nd top scorer score.) We are still in a good place positionally, comfortably ensconced in the play-offs, but it’ll not last forever. Not at this rate: 3 games played in 2023, 3 defeats, zero goals, 8 conceded.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Kitching 2. Jordan Williams 3. Kane

Despatches:
It was good to see Lord S, back from the almost dead, joining us pre-match. Hopefully, he’ll be back at the match soon. Pompey Ian graced us with his presence too, as Havant and Waterlooville’s game at Farnborough was called off. Stu was up from Witney, while all the usual faces were there. Shout out to A. Reed and his hotel, comfy bed, free beers and a literal punk alarm call. It’s never too early to hear the Slaughtered Dogs, or whatever band I’ve never heard of. Dunno what time we got to bed, but I know I crawled out of Andy’s at 9am to get home at….5pm. Trains are not stopping in Durham (or Darlo) for 3 months at weekends, so I had to go to Newcastle, get a rail replacement bus to Durham…then bus to Ferryhill. ‘Up to one every 20 minutes’ the bus proclaims. Yeah – during the week. Sunday, it’s one an hour. And the next one is 55 minutes time. Welcome to the countryside.

Drink du jour: Hazy Jane, Lost in Guava, Leffe, Beavertown Neck Oil

Away: Just over 1,000.

Today’s take home: If you can’t shoot, you can’t score.

The Damage:
£63 travel
£23 ent
£3.50 programme
= £89.50

The Tunes:
London. People. Cars. Police sirens. The screeching of trains. Passenger service announcements. Moaning Barnsley fans. The hum of a busy pub.

Darlington 0-3 Chorley, Saturday 7th January 2023

Darlington 0-3 Chorley, National League North, Blackwell Meadows, att. 1,727

I’m meeting up with a mate, Kev, today, so I thought I’d treat myself. Not for me the drive to Darlo, and restriction of ale; I’m going to catch the bus, get there early and have a few ales. Well, that was the plan. Sadly, This is England, 2023. The 12:08 ‘service’ fails to arrive. The 12:28, ditto. The electronic information board gives the barest of information – the time of the buses. Indeed, periodically, it tells us to ‘refer to the timetable’. (Thus, all the electronic board does is repeat the information already available on the bus stand.) The only information it gives is when the bus is due. When the due time duly arrives, the time disappears. There is no information as to what has happened to these services, whether they’re late, whether they even set off at all (from Durham City). I am appalled, but at least I can walk the 15 minutes home and take the car. The octogenarian lady who’s been waiting at the bus stop since I got there doesn’t have that option, nor do thousands of other people in the region who’re reliant on public transport.

The 12:48 DOES run. I know this, cos I saw it from the car as I passed through town. I still needed to visit the garage for air (I’ve got a slow puncture). One looks forward all week to footie on a Satdy and then there’s this. At least I have a smooth run to Darlo, picking Kev up and parking nearer to the ground than normal, since we’re still relatively early. I know we’re early – we get beers in the social club without having to wait 20 minutes in a queue. Alcohol isn’t allowed outside though (quickly negating the advantage of non-lge football – I’d considered going to South Shields today, a far better matchday experience, but, y’know, mates are important.)

With visitors Chorley not being of sufficient rivalry, we could stand where we liked today. The ‘away’ end, a grass bank 20 yards from the touchline, or the Tin Shed, behind the opposite goal? Well, with Darlo kicking towards the Tin Shed 1st half, we headed there. Cosy and covered, we found a spot near to a bloke Kev knows. (Surely ALL Darlo fans know each other?) And for 20 minutes it was one-way traffic, as it looked a matter of time before the home side opened the scoring. Even the ref could see it. Otherwise why else would he only book the goalkeeper for deliberately handling the ball outside the area as the centre forward was about to round him for an open goal? Without knowing it at the time, this took the wind out of the Quakers’ sails.

Half-time came round, scoreless. A flick through the programme offered the nugget that Darlo were the last visitors to Hull City’s Boothferry Park (winning 1-0). What a difference the two clubs’ fortunes have been since; Hull, Premiership and 2 goals up in the FA Cup Final v Arsenal….Darlo, administration, tumbling out of the league, FA Trophy win, bankrupt…though a renaissance of sorts, having scrambled their way up to the 6th tier from the 9th level Northern League. This season’s resurgence (top of National League North, though Kings Lynn have games in hand) has come as a pleasant surprise. So perhaps today’s proverbial kick in the nads was strangely comforting. The second half reverted to type, Darlo fell apart and couldn’t get out of their own half. Still, Kev and I hadn’t moved, so at least all the action was this end…Chorley romping home 0-3 and much of the crowd having left long before the end. Still, no national headlines this week, which represents progress of sorts. Last week’s game at Scarborough was held up for 40 minutes as the ref took the teams off due to misogynistic abuse of the lineswoman. And at least I was home in good time. None of that reliance on local public transport.

The Damage:
£15 ent
£3 programme= £18*

*Kev got the beers in, which was nice. Staropramen.

The Tunes:
Vulture Prince (Arooj Aftab)

BFC 0-3 Bolton Wanderers, Monday 2nd January 2023

‘Luca, what’s the score? Luca, Luca, what’s the score?’

At least the hand dryers are warm. And powerful enough to dry your hands. (This wasn’t the case under the previous feted ownership.) And I enjoyed my pie and peas (with mint sauce). And hanging with the Galvins in their own personal fiefdom of the far corner (upstairs) of the Joseph Bramer. And it’d not taken 4 hours to get to Barnsley, unlike the other night. Yes, it was half-time at t’well and I was looking for the positives. It was miserable. And I couldn’t leave, entrapped by having to give Diane a lift back.

Yes, for the first time in however long, I could have happily left early. 10 minutes in to the match, to be precise, as Mads got himself sent off for tangling with their centre forward in our box. A Bolton penalty and facing 80 minutes of a match with 10 men, having been played off the park with 11…even my masochistic tendencies were being tested. It didn’t help that too many other Londontykes absolved themselves from the despair. Sunning themselves in San Diego, or Corsica, or watching on ifollow, or recovering from life-threatening illness….I’ll give it to Reedy, who chose to stay at home and clean his house. I wished I’d stayed at home and cleaned the house. I wish I’d driven to Beckenham and cleaned Reedy’s house. That’s how bad it was.

Was it a pen? Was it a sending off? Are all referees part of some conspiracy to deny Little Old Barnsley their rightful place in the European Super League? I dunno. I didn’t see the start of the tangle, but once the ref has decreed Mads is preventing their player from reaching the ball by nefarious means, he has no choice but to send him off. It wasn’t like Mads was trying to win the ball through a tackle, so ‘double jeopardy’ didn’t apply. Seeing it again (27 times) I think the ref has no choice. Yes, Kitching was running across to cover, but was it unreasonable for the ref to decide that without the infringement, their player would’ve got his shot off? I don’t think so, and although we were all hoping we could blame the ref for a 3rd game running (or ‘living the dream’ as a Reds fan), it’s not to be for me. In basic terms, Mads holding on to their man gives Kitching time to come back.

And the writing was already on the wall…their centre forward clearing the bar from 8 yards under pressure from Kitching (or ‘despite being fouled by Kitching’ came the ifollow verdict; so we could have been down to 10 men and facing a penalty even earlier). Earlier than early, we’d escaped a let off as their right winger broke free on his own, but somehow messed it up. For the linesman’s (lineswoman?) sake, good job, cos he was never onside the entire more, always being a yard behind our last man. (I was in line with this one, so feel I can speak authoritatively.)

With the penalty put away, it was 80 minutes of damage limitation. Yes, we had a couple of efforts on target (Connell and Norwood snapshots in either half) but all hope was officially lost with Cundy’s inexplicable blunder. Not content with miskicking a backpass, (did he stub his toe? Kick the grass? What?) he then fails to stop the player rounding him before winning a tackle with Collins. Do we have the only centre half in the entire world of professional football incapable of obstructing an opponent? Where’s Keith Curle when you need him? Even at 59 (yes, I looked it up) he could still do a better job than Cundy. And he obviously knows his football, sending back Clarke Oduor from his loan spell at 2nd off bottom League 2 Hartlepool. (*Pedants: Hartlepool are no longer 2nd bottom, having improved since sending Oduor back to Oakwell.)

Apparently, plenty of fans left at half-time, but I didn’t really notice, watching the action to the end, flagellating myself for crimes not yet committed. Plus nobody had left in our row, so I hadn’t had to get up and let escapees pass. However, the killer 3rd with about 15 left brought floods to the Oakwell exits. Worse, it was to a 30 second strain of ‘olés’ as the Trotters played it around and we gave up / were too tired to put in a challenge. Another positive was that was it. (I’m all about the positives, me.) The pummelling was complete.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Connell. Head and shoulders above anything in a Reds’ shirt, whether covering in defence, making tackles in midfield or driving forward the attack. The former Trotter had a tremendous game, no matter the taunts from the away end.
** Kitching. Kept us in it at times (look away for the 3rd tho).
* Kane. In a toss up between him and Norwood, I’ll give it Kane for some nice pass and moves.

Official MOTM: Kane

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Connell 2. Kane 3. Kitching

Despatches:
I learnt today that the average number of negative thoughts per person per day is 11. Surely some mistake? That’s gotta be per hour, right? Or, per minute in the case of 3:10pm, yesterday. I’ll add a fresh one to the mix: Collins’ recent inability to get near a penalty. Is it just bad luck he’s gone the wrong way 3 times in a row? As a guide, I’d say, more often than not, a right footer will hit it left and vice versa. Why? Cos if you’re putting your foot through it, that’s the way the ball would naturally go. Collins meantime is hoping the right footer will PLACE it to his left, thereby having a softer shot to save (and it’s true, players do this too). Maybe he’s even done his homework on the penalty takers. But if I was a penalty taker, I’d do my homework on keepers, and to my mind, Collins dives the same way every time. (I would do some research, but I’ll leave it to those who’d like to prove me wrong.)

Talking of research, I know ‘Super Michael Duffy’ is extremely popular (‘Mads at the back, Devante in attack’….errrrr…..lads….Mads has been sent off). Anyway, to show what a difference our new hero makes, let’s point to our last 2 matches. Given he was sent from the stands with 5 minutes to go in our last game….we have averaged a goal every 5 minutes without him. In the 175 minutes of the remaining 2 games, we have scored…once. So we are 35 times more likely to score without Duffy bothering to rock up. Defensively, in 5 minutes without him, we have yet to concede, while in 175 minutes with him, we’ve let in 3. Thus, mathematically at least, we are INFINITELY better without him. I think that’s how it works. (On a semi-serious note, what a waste of time appealing his sending off last home game; could today have gone WORSE were he in the stands? Just take your medicine and move on.)

Drink du jour: Leffe at the local ‘spoons. It’s not my fault other ale houses don’t serve my favourite tipple!

Away: 3,091. Holiday time, crucial game, average home crowds of nearly 20,000….I was expecting a sellout and a 15,000+ crowd. Oh well, their loss. Those that were there had a ball.

Today’s take home: A draw would’ve done, keep ‘em at arm’s length…

The Damage:
c.£30 travel (petrol)
= £30

Programme? I’m still boycotting it because of this season’s comedy covers. Today was exceptional – a cartoon of a (presumably) Barnsley footballer (who I didn’t recognise) with an elephant. No, I’ve no idea either.

Oh, and 4 years in, the pedestrian bridge over the closed level crossing is finally under way!

The Tunes:
BBC 6Music
BBC5Live