BFC 1-1 Wigan Athletic, Monday 1st January 2024

‘Watters is like that bridge.’ ‘What? Huge, pointless and barely moves?’*

*we’d ascertained the new bridge does, indeed, move.

With most of the Londontykes otherwise pre-occupied (work tomorrow!) I had the honour of seeing in the New Year with the Galvins in Wetherspoons. Obviously great company, but not so great that I can turn down the offer from Gally of joining the bigwigs in the exec. His compadres have all left him for sunnier climes and the poor chap is lonely, so Nozzer and I make our sacrifices and see what life’s like on the other side.

Well, for one, we have access to a bar in the Corner Stand. Poor choice of ale for the connoisseur (and me) so we settle on Madri. (Later on we find Loom pale ale is on offer in the bar in the main exec area. Boooo.) If you ask nicely, Gally might tell you the secret way through... And we have our own table, courtesy of ‘ABC Stone’ (Ben’s mum’s company). Lovely! And as many ‘free’ programmes as you can shake a stick at, and teamsheets handed out before kick-off. How DO you spell that French bloke’s name? Great soundproofing too, as no-one realises the teams are coming out. Why would you want to spoil a day at the football by hearing what’s going on?

Nozzer and I are last out, so we’re forced to sit as far away from the door as possible. I spend the last 20 minutes of the half desperate for a pee, yet unwilling to upseat everyone in our row, unlike everyone else where I sit in the East Stand. Those people have weaker bladders than me, and no manners to boot. (There was another door behind me, if only I’d looked. Doh!) Still, I was enjoying the padded seats (oh yes!) and the dubious quality of football.

Yes, HAPPY NEW YEAR Londontykes, and we start as we’ve been all season...disjointed, confused...and winning. With first half injury time upon us, McAtee wins the ball in midfield, sends Phillips away down the right and a delicious cross is slid home from close range by Cole. That’s it, dam broken, the goals will pile up second half. Thus far, every time we have the ball, there’s 11 Wigan players between us and their goal...or at least there is by the time we look up to play a forward pass.

In truth, we’d been jammy. For all our possession, Wigan should certainly have been 2 ahead. A Latic on the overlap is played in...and he fires over from 10 yards with the keeper to beat. (Later, in an IDENTICAL position, Kane would overhit a pass to Cadden with us 2 on 1. That would have put us two up.) A free header is put criminally wide. Second half, our jam continues. Jordan Williams falls over and GIFTS an unmissable chance to their centre forward, who puts it wide in the style of an Odejayi. The way he sidefooted it, surely he MEANT to hit that advertising hoarding?

Another header is cleared off the line, before our largest dollop of jam yet...they score direct from a corner and the ref blows for a non-existent foul on the keeper. (I have since seen a replay and the only contact I can see is our keeper trying to push away their player.) It reminds me of the time we got battered 7-1 at Man City and Colgan conceded direct from a corner just before half-time. That woulda made it six nil, but the ref disallowed it for the invisible. It was right in front of us and there wasn’t a Man City player within 2 yards of him. Like Colgan, Roberts has been completely bamboozled by a beautiful inswinger to the far post. (I have still only seen one goal in professional football from a corner, Darren Barnard v Gillingham one year...after the ref turned down a stonewall penalty to award a corner for them kicking us. I digress.)

Do we heed the warning? Well, Pep Collins has already made his move. Taking off our two most creative players before the hour (McAtee and Phillips, the latter making it plainly known he was baffled at being taken off). Then he takes Cole off after 72. We didn’t look in trouble, but Collins knows best, presumably proactively preventing the late Wigan onslaught. Or encouraging it. On came Styles, Watters and Jalo to have...errr...’quiet’ games. (Actually, I was told off for not pointing out Jalo got a couple of free kicks and one of theirs carded.) Then, with 3 mins of normal time remaining, the predictable happens. They win a free kick out right, take a short one and their player takes it past Jalo (the only player in the wall...if a ‘wall’ can contain only one player) and curls a SUPERB effort into the far top corner. Make no bones about it, it is a terrific finish and no more than Wigan deserve.

I await my bottle of champagne for correctly predicting the one-all in the competition in the exec. (Sadly, my crowd prediction was off, so I never did win, though I enjoyed teasing the lady asking me for a ‘guess at the capacity’. I (used to) know the capacity...isn’t it 23,009? I mean, before we built the Cornber Stand and South Yorkshire’s finest decreed we have to rope off various parts of the away end. Anyway, I think the poor lady learnt a new word. I know, I’m a tw*t. But it’s the lack of pedantry / standards that is the downfall of this country.)

We have 7 mins of injury time to create a chance, score a goal or kick the ball too long for our forwards. The draw takes us into a play-off position. I am as bamboozled as Roberts on that corner.

Onwards and upwards!

Another ‘guess a player’ week. Anybody and nobody.

*** Cole. The more I think about it...that 1st half, he had a header spectacularly saved (it really was spectacular; the keeper managed to dive despite it being straight at him). He also had a shot saved from a narrow angle – nobody up there for a return pass – and, of course, scored.
** Phillips. Floated around in dangerous positions, and set up the goal.
* McAtee. For THAT tackle.

Official MOTM: Connell. Never.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Cole 2. Phillips 3. McAtee

Despatches:
Afterwards, we headed to the main exec lounge. MOTM Connell couldn’t be with us to dissect why he was given MOTM as he needed some treatment for an injury. So they sent out Jalo, bless. At the risk of contradicting myself, I couldn’t hear a word he said...but he spoke great English. Perhaps the bloke with the mic needed to put it somewhere near Jalo’s mouth? So, a bit of a waste of time, save for noting what a big cheese Gally is, as folk queued to shake his hand.

Afterwards, the shirt Jalo wore when he signed his new contract was auctioned for charity (note: not his match shirt from today.) With bidding reaching 450 quid, I’ve never stood so still, for fear of bankrupting myself. Apparently the record is 600 nicker for a Mads shirt. Auction over, grown adults formed an orderly line to have their picture taken with a 17 year old.

The players? I said anyone could get the votes. At various points, Jordan, The Frenchman and McCart made some unbelievable blocks...but for reasons of all those other chances, there was a problem somewhere. O’Keefe and Cadden were quiet. I can’t blame Cole for not getting on the end of crosses if there weren’t any. Connell had his quietest game for a while, while Kane...what did he do? Jalo came on and lost the ball, Watters came on and never got near the ball while I never saw Styles. Standard. Wonderful substitutions, Collins.

Drink du jour: Leffe in Bramah’s, Madri and Bavaria (Alkohol Frei!) in the Exec. And I would have had a filter coffee at HT, if they’d bothered to re-fill the coffee pots. Apparently that complaint has already gone in. I had a tea instead, but the water wasn’t hot enough to stew the teabag. But they did have free blankets you could use, so it’s not all bad.

Away: c.1100. Somebody (no names, no packdrill) started wittering on to me as they announced it. I can’t be annoyed though, cos I got dinner at his house last week!

The Damage:
c.£8 petrol
£4 half time draw tickets
£11 Madri (x2)
= c.£23

BFC 0-0 Wigan Athletic, Saturday 19th November 2016

‘This cat does not give a s*** about your birthday’

A local celeb admires the local signage.

This match will not live long in the memory. The game kicked off, Winnall missed an easy header, the ref blew for full time.  True, I am missing the time Yiadom dribbled past someone.  Or McDonald heading a ball clear from the edge of his box.  Or that time Davies took a goal kick.  Honestly, it really was like watching paint dry.  I thought we’d got Keith Hill back, to be honest, all the sideways-sideways-backwards-hoof we had.  I said at half time we should have had another pint in the pub but what I didn’t foresee was more of the same, second half.  It was a pitiful afternoon’s ‘entertainment’.

What a shower.

True, Wigan came for the draw and showed zero enterprise.  Well, why not?  They were (are) second off bottom and have a new manager and they’d been panned last week 0-3 by Reading.  What I DID hope and expect was that we’d show more than we did.  The longer the match went on, the longer I watched Kent and Winnall do not very much, the more I realised Heckingbottom was as happy with the draw as they were; after all, it meant we cemented the cushion between ourselves and the relegation places.  But, really, this was a chance missed (about the only chance that was, ho ho).

Impeccably observed minute's silence.  Note Toby Tyke in foreground.

Oh yeah, we did have a chance to score. Yiadom whipped a ball in and Winnall missed when it was easier to bag.  Phew, that fifty quid of mine was starting to panic.  He did though find the net in 1^st half injury time, but he was flagged for offside. Oh well.  Get him off.  Why did we buy Bradshaw?  Scored loads for Walsall last season (a side who, lest we forget, finished higher in the table than us) and we never play him.  He must be on a small fortune.  And even if he isn’t scoring, at least he can hold a ball up.

Looking towards the away end.

Then there’s Kent, who couldn’t take on a player or cross a ball all day, then when he finally did (a great ball in from the left) he was dragged off. It was like Hecky had told him he could stay on until he’d done something.  75 minutes it took him. Still, it meant Hammill could come on.  So he did, and promptly ran straight into a couple of defenders and that was it from him.  Really, it comes to something when the closest you come to scoring is a blazer from teenage full back Bree, which deflected wide.

I'll get the hang of this cameraphone one day.

Wigan even had their keeper carried off, Bogdan replaced by Bolton legend Jussi Jasskelainen on the hour mark.  Isn’t he like 92 or something?  (Factcheck: he’s a mere strippling of 41).  I don’t remember him making a save.  Mind, I barely remember not-Bolton legend Bogdan making any decent saves either.  Did he save from Marley early on?  The worry was, that with 5 mins injury time announced and the Londontykes all making an early exit for their train, that the match might liven up.  I presume it didn’t.  6 hours on trains of various lateness today, for the worst match of the season.  About the only controversy of note was the ref’s inability to red card one of theirs for going straight through our player, rather like Scowen t’other week (minus the 2 attempted fouls on Scowen before he lunged in).  I doubt it would have made a difference though.  We had little ambition and they had none.

Oakwell under lights.

*** Scowen.  Cracking game, winning balls, driving forward, passing it to teammates.  Possibly had more to prove than anyone, coming in for Wigan Loanee Morsy.  Proved it.   
** Yiadom.  Made one mistake the entire match and that’s why everyone remembered it, cos he was outstanding otherwise.
* Roberts.  Not that he had much to do at centre half, but he did it.
Despatches:Davies can count himself unlucky cos he never put a foot wrong, but nor did he have owt to do.  Jackson again looked comfortable with McDonald, so much so that the pre-match chat was whether he’d be the one to partner Roberts when he returns.  (Or if Roberts would even get a game.)  Hourihane had a decent 1^st half before slipping further and further back.  Curled a free kick over just after the show of support for Cryne (the Ponty chanting his name, while folk held up the lights of their camera phones)  Armstrong again looked our best attacker, though all he had to show for it was dispossessing the right back before cutting inside and curling it over from 25 yards.  Might I add, Hecky has been moaning about the travel some of our players have had on international duty, yet he still picks Armstrong, who played for England under 20s in South Korea or somewhere.  Marley again looked our best winger, one run in particular looking promising, as he skinned the defender for SKILL.  Twitter MOTM, but the problem is, the better he looks in this position, the more he’ll be played in this position.  Bree had his moments, but a few mistakes too. 

Oh, and following the errant Burton bugler t’other week, we had perfection personified. I wish I could namecheck the band he came from (Worsborough Band, I'm told).  Tho since when did EVERY club have a ‘Remembrance Day fixture’?  I’m sure it used to be only Remembrance Day weekend.  We seem to have a minute’s silence/applause every week as it is.

'There's only one Patrick Cryne.'  Get well soon, Patrick.

Drink du jour: Erdinger and on the train, vodka and orange or JD and coke.  Rhys made a rare foray up with us (and probably regretted it) but at least he turned up; The Captain missed his bus from Hicksville (again) while Jonesy ‘had the trots’.  Lads – you missed nowt.  Tho’ once back in London we went to Lynne’s wedding party (?), thereby giving us a chance to drink even more alcohol. Luckily, I caught a bus back with Reedy, which meant I didn’t fall asleep.  Sarah thinks Andy should do this every week.

Away: 962. Since when did Wigan have such large away support?  A generally decent atmosphere, especially 2^nd half as we kicked towards the Ponty.

The Damage:
21.50 travel

The Tunes:
Until the Hunter - Hope Sandoval and the Warm Inventions
Mixmag Oct15 ‘Past and Present’ - Loco Dice

The Wiganers.

The Ponty Enders.

BFC 0-2 Wigan Athletic, Saturday 19th December 2015

'Something better change' (Jonesy was listening to the Stranglers this morn; how apt)

Wet and dreary Grove Street

Where to start?  Well, how about a tale from said Mr Jones on the train last nite.  He'd seen a local newspaper earlier and some kid had been telling the court he doesn't want to live with his mam anymore - she beats him.  'What about living with your dad?' the judge asks.  'He beats me too.' 'Well' says the judge.  'Who DO you want to live with?'  'I want to live with Barnsley FC.  They dunt beat anybody!'

Ho ho ho.

I have been trawling through the last few Chrons, courtesy of Salisbury.  Is there an article EVERY week from a player telling me we're 'good enough to go on a run'?  (I thought we had done - didn't we lose 8 league games in a row?)  Anyway, Toney should be pleased this week, cos he's quoted as saying 'I'm not happy unless I'm not scoring' (hopefully editing negligence.  Does the Chron even HAVE sub-editors?)  But my own favourite piece was Little Lee telling us he doesn't like the fans singing their ironic chants...'How s*** must you be?' etc  Well, little fella, I don't like the irony that YOU'RE still managing MY football team despite week after week of total tactical and team selection incompetence.  The Wigan journo previewed this game by saying 'I think they (Wigan) can get promotion but, if they don't, then it will be their own fault.  It won't be because teams have got better players than them. or that they have bigger budgets.'  Sound familiar?  How can a team containing Hamill, Toney, Hourihane and Pearson look so s***?

The Wigan Warriors...oops, wrong sport.

Despatches:  Pearson.  I'll start with him.  He looked a quality player when he 1st came, but slowly, and surely, he's getting WORSE.  Who do I blame for that?  I've been wondering what his level is and I think we saw it yesterday: not as good as David Perkins.  Lordy.  Hourihane.  A crowing Molly was asking me in the pub pre-match what I think of the legend now.  I said he'd had a very good month (that makes 2; the other one was August/Sept 2014).  Well, how s*** was he yesterday? Delivered 3 awful balls in the 1st 5 minutes, 2 into the keeper's arms and one into the stand.  Later highlights included giving Williams a hospital ball (like Williams needs a hospital ball!) and hoofing a free kick over the bar.  Still, the latter didn't matter, we were 2 down and into injury time. So much for Little Lee worrying that his form will have 'alerted the sleeping giants'.  The piece in the Chron sounded more like a sales pitch.  Lee - keep it up.  I can't see anyone making a bid myself.  (On another note, how comes Waddington and Molly are the positive ones;  they haven't even seen the games we HAVE won lately, Oldham and Colchester).  Toney looked a bit lost, but nobody thought Winnall should stay on the pitch instead.  Winnall. What a player.  Usually does nothing a forward should do, but notches.  Yesterday, he had 2 glorious chances; the 1st one he scuffed (aren't most of his goals scuffed?) while the 2nd, he controlled the pass of the match from Williams (a reverse pass putting Winnall clean through) and while he controlled it and dawdled a defender had the cheek to nick it from him.  Can Little Lee talk up Winnall's chances of being signed by someone else too?  Another who was bloody awful (the worst?) was Wabara.  This is a player whose contract is up in a fortnight.  Say what you like about Brooce Dire, but he was always on point when facing contract talks.  All Wabara does is prevent another of our youth from progressing (Bree - a player who was considered good enough when we were in the top half of the league last season).  These coaches and Chief Execs of ours talk a good game about developing our own players, then bring in loanees and free transfers to take their places.  Anyway, I'd get shut of Wabara.  There must be better out there, even if it's not Bree.  On a loanee note, it was good to see Long get a  game.  So it took 10 minutes for a cross inbetween him and Wabara for a Wiganer to miss a simple header.  Note to Little Lee: our defence will never get any better chopping and changing. Defences have to learn to play with each, learn to communicate.  Oh.  (To be fair, it does look like Long is quite vocal).  It was Mawson's turn to be dropped.  Dropped, while that disaster Nyatanga, plays on.  'How s*** must you be?' etc Watkins was either so-so (everyone else) or 'complete dogs***, the worst player I have EVER seen in a Barnsley shirt (Jonesy).  I'm ambivalent, and even when I watch him closely, think he's not great...but he's not that bad either. Better than Isgrove, tho, who sat on the bench 'earning' his loanee wages.

The Ponty, 60 mins in.

Finally, FINALLY, I heard my first chants of 'We want Johnson out.  We want Johnson out.' Why, it's only Salisbury's cousin Chris in the East Stand lower, who's had enough.  A few of us joined in, but most had already voted with their feet: they'd left.  (The match was still going on, but there was NO HOPE.)
***I learnt this morning Colchester have lost 7 in a row.  Puts our victory last week into perspective, does it not?
Oh yes, the match.  We were AWESOME for 10 minutes, piling forward (how else would Hourihane have 3 chances to cross a ball early doors?)  Mind, Wigan still missed THAT chance while we never had a shot on target.  Then they score, completely against the run of play.  It's a sweet, sweet move 2 or 3 quick one touch passes (were you watching and learning Little Lee, Conor...Winnall?) leaving Kellett to curl home with his left foot (making a run between left back and centre half).  Cut to pieces.

The Ponty, 87 mins in.

Second half, if we did pass it around, it was on the halfway line going nowhere.  The most dangerous we looked was either when Hamill and Aidey White linked up well, or when Wigan were trying their short goalkick routine.  The latter looked like an accident waiting to happen and sure enough Williams nicked one off the right back, bore down on goal...then made the mistake of passing it to Winnall to scuff.  Did I say how much I 'rate' the latter? 
And then Wigan bag a second.  I'm still not sure what happened.  Suffice to say, it looked like play had stopped, I turned to look at something else, and when I looked back, our keeper was haring towards a ball he was always going to finish second to and their bloke waltzed round him to plant the ball in the net.  Rumour has it the keeper f***ed up.  Or the centre half.  One of them.

West Stand

*** Aidey White.  I don't think much of his defending, but the left back was our best attacker.
** Williams.  His best 24 minutes yet.
* No-one.  Even Hamill had an offday, but if you want to see how good he HAS been, check out these Wigan Paint Pot trophy highlights:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMHidd0eoLw

Londontykes' Top 3:
1. White

2. RWilliams

3. Davies

Drink du jour:  wheat beer all the way folks;  Sainsburys had a choice of Weihenstephaner, Erdinger and Franziskaner.  We didn't go mad and I'd forgotten what a Sunday without a hangover felt like.  I didn't even fall asleep on the bus.  But at least the Super Reds lost, so one weekend tradition remained.

The Damage:
c£30 train

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