Hull City 0-1 Barnsley, Saturday 26th January 2013

'But I AM’

Battling Barnsley bravely battle to victory.  Another week, another all hands to the pump performance.  Despite a couple of changes to the team selection, the fluid 3-5-2 or is it 5-3-2 system continued, and after riding our luck a little 1^st half, we nicked a win with a superb counter attack. 

Wise heads wondered why Wiseman was given a starting berth.  My own theory was that it was our last chance to let him have a good game before the transfer deadline, thereby getting rid. (I didn’t realise we had a game on Tuesday.)  Unfortunately, he was dogs*** at right back, so that's that plan out of the window.  If any move personified his ‘ability’ it was when he miscalculated the bounce of a ball, and as it went over his and the striker’s head, he clattered into the striker, earning a booking.  Had he simply stood still the ball would’ve gone out for a throw-in to us.

Equally appalling was Crainie at centre half.  Not only did he look like Wiseman, he played like him too.  Thankfully, some bloke called Hassell was ready at all times on the cover.  Where’d we get him from?  He looks a cracking buy.  Golbourne was also outstanding and Steele was only really called into action in the last 10 minutes.

The 1^st half was all Hull tho.  We simply never got out of our half.  I don’t know what it is about us sometimes.  One week we’re playing balls to the feet of Dagnall and Harewood, the next they never see the ball.  And if they do, no-one’s bothered to come up and support.  Hull have several half chances, mainly headers flicking past the post from needlessly given away corners and free kicks.  It seemed only a matter of time, so it was with some relief we made it to HT scoreless.

2^nd half and it was a different game.  Both sides attacked, leaving space behind their defences. The game became increasingly spread out before Flitcroft made a couple of changes the rest of us woulda made before the match even started – O’Brien on for The Stroller and Stones on for (an injured) Wiseman.  (As with the reason to play Wiseman, the reason NOT to play Stones is we don’t want him injured before we sell him!)

Then we ruled, man.  We took it to the Tigerrzz and in one attack had 3 efforts on goal before Dagnall knocked in the 3^rd rebound.  The crowd went wild!  Actually, we did.  A decent turnout too, about 1500.  Amazing what this ‘football for a tenner’ brings out.

Then for 5 minutes we had attack after attack, so Flitcroft did the decent thing, took a striker off (Dagnall) and stuck a defender on (Foster) and the momentum was lost.  We dropped deep for the last 10 and Steele made 3 or 4 saves where previously there were none.  They also spurned a couple of free kicks from the edge of the box, electing to hoof it into the crowd.  I guess it is a rugby town.

Pleasant journey back too.  Me and Andy sourced the spiced rum from the BIGGEST TESCO I HAVE EVER SEEN in Hull city centre (I think it WAS Hull city centre) before we retired to the saloon of the posh hotel in the station to admire our good work, while helping Tim spend his latest fruit machine winnings (£160).  It got me wondering, how many hours of practice, how many pounds of hard cash, does one have to feed into those things to understand how to play them? Cos I have seen Tim drop at least 3 of these things and it can’t be coincidence.

*** Hassell.  Read the game superbly from a deep lying central defensive role (sweeper?).  In particular, got us out of trouble when Crainie and Wiseman were attempting to put us in it.

** Golbourne.  Got up the wing in support, especially 2^nd half.

* Steele.  Just edges out Perkins cos the last 10 mins, where he made crucial saves, Perkins lost a couple of cheap balls.

Despatches:
Perkins had a decent game.  Harewood didn’t do anything for 60 minutes then sprang into life. Stones and O’Brien came on and upped the tempo.  And Dagnall was Dagnall.  Tho we can now add ‘goalscoring’ to his repertoire.

Shame Hull managed to p*** over our balloons at the end, putting the full time Championship scores up.  Just as we’re celebrating victory, we get to see all our rivals at the bottom have won. Could we swap the cup wins v Burnley and Hull for 5 extra points, pls?  (We drew at home to Burnley.)  No, scratch that.  Let's go down while winning the cup.  I'll have Luton away in the next round, pls.

I was also talking to Andy about Stroller.  What does Mellis DO?  I decided I’d keep my eye on him for a bit, but it’s like watching paint dry.  Try it.  Honestly, after about 30 seconds I simply got bored.  I can tell you what you already know though – he can’t tackle.  I can handle that he’s hardly a tough guy, but a couple of times he even found himself the wrong side of the man, so once he lost the tackle he was also behind the player as he ran towards goal.  Obviously he doesn’t run back after his man either.  Which leaves the defence-splitting passes which he’s renowned for, which come about once every 4 games (and the rest).  He’s stealing a living, for me.  However, every cloud has a silver lining – apparently he saves the club a fortune in laundry fees cos his kit never needs washing.

Overall, our feeling was we’d definitely recommend an away trip to Hull.  Direct train, decent boozer beforehand (followed by Hicksy’s hoolie-boozer, where no-one wore colours), Tesco next to the train station and a posh hotel bar to celebrate in.  And the pick of the seats on the train back cos Hull’s the end of the line.  Shame we won’t be playing there next season (cos they’re going up, see!?)  And the cutest little 6 year old of them all for company (Lillie).  To whom I’ll leave the final word.  As Lillie climbed all over the seats (she’d taken her shoes off tho), Dad said ‘Lillie, don’t be a buffoon.’  Quick as flash came the retort.

‘But I AM!’

She’s adorable.  If I had a kid, I want that one!

Barnsley 2-0 Dirty L***s, Saturday 12th January 2013

'Ken Bates' Dad's Dog's Dead'

Afternoon all, and what a glorious day to be alive!  The Super Reds are super and Dirty Leeds are despatched.  One way traffic from start to finish, aside from Ross Barclay's turn and shot which hit the bar for them.  Harewood cuts inside and hits the post (though it was a surprise it even hit the post, looked wide) and Crainie flicks a corner onto the same woodwork (though it was a surprise it even hit the post, looked a nailed on goal).  On top of that, the Flying Pig (Kenny) made a number of saves from long distance, while I simply cannot remember Steele making a save in our net.

At 2-0, the game was over and we enjoyed a stress free last 20 minutes as any time DL got within 25 yards of our goal, they handily cleared it into the Ponty.  Good lads.  And in their longest spell of possession (note: 'possession' not pressure) it was a joy to watch someone else pass square, square, backwards, square, before hoofing it out for a throw.  Are Leeds the new Barnsley?  I can also listen to Leeds fans booing their side off all day every day.  BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.  Ha ha haaaa.

Of course, it wouldn't be a game against Dirty Leeds without the obligatory carrying off of a Reds player.  This year proved to be the turn of Jim O'Brien.  O'Brien nipped in ahead of their player, knocked the ball of his shins and their bloke went straight through him.  In this day and age, it's a booking at least.  So naturally the ref waves play-on and once Steele collects and kicks it into the stand, on comes the stretcher and off goes Jim.  So when Leeds fans were later chanting 'We only get s*** refs', I presume they were meaning decisions such as these.  Or the penalty they got to beat us at their place, the foul being 2 yards outside the box???  Good to see Jim (with crutches) on the pitch at the end to celebrate.  (Well, it would have been good:  I didn't see it, but the others did.)

On comes Mellis and off goes hope, or at least a little of it, as part of our success at that stage was the high tempo pressing game of O'Brien, Perkins, Dawson and Dagnall which they revel in.  A team as poor as Leeds was unable to pass it's way out of trouble.  Another key ingredient was the fluid system we had.  Arguably Kennedy was key to this, as Stones and Golbourne were allowed to get up the park without worrying about the lack of cover behind.  Didn't we reach the Prem playing something resembling 3-5-2?  At one point, Stones chased Leeds down and ended up being in the centre forward spot, while Harewood (Harewood!!) ran back 60 yards to cover him.

This was a joyous team perfromance, and without doubt the best of the season at home.  The front partnership of Harewood and Dagnall tore them to bits, with Harewood holding the ball up, winning corners, while Dagnall's movement had them tied up.  It's also amazing what keeping the ball on the floor can do for this front 2.

The atmosphere was very good, though the crowd numbers were worrying.  If Leeds brought 4800 and the crowd was 13999....Having said that, it felt busier than 9200 Reds fans in the ground.  There weren't any empty seats around me, though it seems the East lower, towards the away end, was kept empty after the trouble v Washday and some of them had migrated to the posh seats.

*** Dagnall.  Ran Leeds ragged.  Turned them inside out for the pen, so when all was done and dusted and he was insisting on taking it himself, folk all round Oakwell were saying 'DON'T let HIM take it, FFS'.  My mind was made up.  He'd been awesome all game.  He'd earnt the right to take it.  And if he missed, I wouldn't blame him.  He didn't, Kenny went the wrong way and it was 1-0 Barnsley.  And to prove an albatross had been lifted from his neck, he then went and buried a left footer into the far corner.  You could see what it meant to the little fella.  (Mind, it's still not enough for me to stop mistakenly calling him Shuker, as I did later on.  There is something deeply embedded in my consciousness about dark haired dwarves with receding hairlines wearing red shirts.)

** Harewood.  Ran the channels, held the ball up, took a bit of the physical and linked up perfectly with Dagnall.  Best forward display of the season, save for Davies and Dagnall at Brum.

* tough one.  Anybody apart from Mellis (continues his stroll through the Championship) or Steele (nothing to do).  I'll go with KENNEDY.  Simply cos his inclusion made it feel like it wasn't the usual back 4:  Stones   Foster   Wiseman    Golbourne.

Despatches:

Leeds fans.  Now, I'm all for a bit of un-PC, but if I was giving some of these lads any credit, it's that they must be deliberately doing these things to get up people's noses, so, QED, I have to ignore it.  But I'm not sure they even have THAT intellect.  How do you follow 'He's Jimmy Savile, he shags who he wants' with 'Davie Jones is a paedophile' (note: found not guilty in court).  Do you have to be a pr*ck to support Leeds?  (it helps).  Maybe they could do stickers in the club shop:  'You don't have to be a pr*ck to support us...but it helps!'  They obviously pick up more than their fair share, see also the bloke from Gloucestershire who slapped Kirkland at Washday.

I was sorry I missed the teams coming out.  Rumour has it P. Hicks (formerly of Harrow) was 'flying the flag' (quite literally) for Barnsley.  He'll be pleased to know previous allegations of his gayness once again came up on the train, together with a select few chanting his name.

Davies:  Good riddance.  I rated him, but if the extent of his ambition is turning out for another struggling side with no hope of the play-offs, I'll take the £300k thank you very much.  I wish players would be honest and just say 'I went for the money'.

Flitcroft:  I note in the Chron he said it was time for Wiseman to move on.  'The emergence of Stones and the fans love of Hassell have made it difficult for him.'  He missed the bit about 'not being good enough' and 'getting picked every week however s*** he was'.  On the positive, as I write this, Flitcroft's been given the manager's job.  And after 4 months without a home win, we've now won every home game this year (two).  Based on yesterday, I wish him luck.  I was very impressed at the fluid nature of the set-up and it augurs well for the rest of the season.  The fight starts here, kids!

Onwards and upwards!  COME ON YOU REDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Peterborough 2-1 Barnsley, Tuesday 1st January 2013

This week's match report shall be small but perfectly formed.

Apparently we controlled the game, had most of the possession...and created little.  Apparently Dagnall hit the post.  But I missed that, I was having a  p***.  This was a 3rd division fixture a year in advance.  While hope has just gone over the hill (no pun intended), at least one of us, Washday, Posh and Bristol City will stay up.  Is there any way WE can be that awful team wot stays up?  Cos someone has to.  It should be like Masterchef:  If Greg and Michel are particularly unimpressed with the contestants, they won't put anyone through to the next stage.  All 4 of this bunch should be relegated, they really are s***.  And we are the s***est of the s***.

*** Harewood.  Came on for 15 minutes, scored, looked different class to the rest.  Oh dear.
** Dagnall.  Ran around alot.
* O'Brien.  Ran around alot.

Despatches:  Awful defending for their 2 goals - but you knew that already.  A poor away turnout too, tho decent atmosphere, of course.  Next season we'll be standing on a few more terraces, hey ho.

Our goal was odd.  Harewood buried it, but the linesman seemed determined to chalk it off.  Foul?  Offside?  No idea, but after a minute of conversation with the ref, it was allowed to stand.  Thankfully, there was still enough time to grant Posh a winner, which we duly did in the 87th minute.

We bumped into Greening again at the station.  I thought he sat on the bench very well today.  Tim blagged a(nother) set of player's boots.  He thinks an autographed pair of Jonathan Greening's Nikes will be worth something in years to come.  As ever, we were very diplomatic with our questions, but what must Greening think, not good enough to get into THIS Barnsley side?  Still, we must pay some poor wages, judging by Greening's kit bag - a black bin liner.

Fell asleep not once, not twice, but thrice today.  This is what happens when you stay up all night drinking.  Well, it does at my age.  After being up all night partying, I fell asleep on the bus home and missed my stop, so had to go without a shower.  Fell asleep on the train from P'boro (cheers Andy, for the flattering photo), then fell asleep on bus back home and had to walk back from the wrong side of Brixton (is there a right side?).  At least I woke up before the end of the line, for once.

According to the BBC website 'Flitcroft would consider Reds job'.  Sorry, Gaz, you have to share the blame (with Hill) for where we are.  Goodbye and good riddance.  Happy New Year.