Millwall 4-1 BFC, Saturday 9th April 2022

What’s that noise? Is that the fat lady I can hear?

I think I had a dodgy pint, Satdy. How else to explain vomiting into a washing up bowl at Andy’s late on? It can’t have had anything to do with the other 12 pints (and the rest) or the lack of food since a morning apricot croissant. You have to do what you can to endure the Super Reds these days, and a trip down the Bermondsey Beer Mile certainly helped dull the pain somewhat. Anyway, was I really that drunk? We did win, right?

What a glorious day, not even those ne’er do wells and shysters we call Barnsley footballers could ruin. Come to think, maybe I was a bit tipsy. Did Romal Palmer score a goal? Nevermind drunk, I must have been on LSD. Did I also imagine learning that Slacki has bought a 2nd hand sit-on lawnmower? Was that really Loko I could hear rowing with another fan at the game and calling him a c*** cos he had a different viewpoint? (That definitely happened, ask his mum). Did Loko also drop his wallet in the ground at half time? (I wished I’d been the one to pick it up…the beers are on ME!) No, it was a great, great day. I miss you gays guys!

Oh yeah, there was a match. My descriptions may be somewhat off (see earlier), but I could swear Styles missed when clean through at nil-nil. This is the thing when you play a left footed player, wide right….the shot was on his weaker right foot. I can’t remember anyone being surprised the keeper smothered it. Then keeper Collins gets himself hurt. How? I’ve no idea, but on comes Walton. 7 minutes later he’s picking the ball out of the net, as Mi’wa’ spring the offside trap (!) and are left with a tap-in.

Half-time comes and while everyone disappears, I stay to keep an eye on my bag. Dammit, wish I’d seen that wallet lying on the floor behind me….anyway, peeps come back, I have a trip to the bog….and it’s two-nil. The muffled cheer as Anton and I ascend the stairs gives us hope. Have the Super Reds equalised? Dunt be s’daft. Seeing it on telly, a cross from the touchline is headed in from 2 yards. WTF is Walton DOING??? Nevermind Benik Afobe bamboozling Styles and Brittain to create the crossing opportunity in the first place.

With the season over, Romal Palmer decides to enter the fray 2 minutes later with a smart finish into the top corner. Where’s he been all season? It’s actually a smart strike too, a half volley from 15 yards into the top corner. (Please, BFC, don’t be fooled and offer him a new contract.) It’s ok though, as 2 players stand and stare as a cross is put in from the corner flag…Walton saves the header, then everyone else stands and stares as the rebound is put in. Honestly, it looks like we’ve given up. And oh! We have. Only the aforementioned Afobe bothers to react after a flick-on from the keeper’s hoof. Sunday morning route 1 stuff, and we can’t handle it. We’re going down….but fear not! We can still do the Bermondsey Beer Mile next season for Chorlton away!

Onwards and upwards!

*** No-one. I honestly thought no-one stood out.
** No-one. These two were partners in defence, partners in midfield….and I don’t think we got up top.
* Palmer. Go on then. Decent finish.

Londontykes’ MOTM: TBA

Despatches:
I’m not sure where I stand on this, but should we really have been drinking in Fourpure, who recently allowed Boris and his tax-dodging (sorry, tax avoiding) US Green Card-holding chum Rishi to hold a PR event there? But the beer’s SO nice, and they have big tables wot can fit us all on. Sarah liked it anyway.

Drink du jour: Ha ha haaaaa….anything IPA and 6%. But if I can blame anyone for my later state, it’s my Arsenal mate Rod, who insisted we have another can of beer on the way up to the ground.

Away: 500 and odd. Suckers.

Games before we’re officially relegated: I’ll say 3. Huddersfield to apply the final cut.

The Damage:
£111 travel (train returns for 2 from Durham)
£25 ent
£3 programme
= £139

The Tunes:
None. Basking in London life!

Millwall 4-1 BFC, Saturday 6th January 2018

‘You’re fackin’ s***, you’re fackin’ s***, you’re fackin’ s***’

Welcome to ....

It’s been a while since I’ve walked home from a game.  About 35 years to be precise.  So it was with some amount of joy that I trotted home from The New Den to my place in Peckham.  Course, to fully enjoy this walk, one’s team has to have won, and one must like walking through an elongated industrial estate and traveller encampment.  (I don’t mind ‘travellers’ per se, but I do mind folk who never go anywhere being referred to as ‘travellers’.  How about ‘caravan dwellers’  - as opposed to ‘home owners’?  I digress, but I know of at least three of these sites around Millwall/Peckham…)

Where it all started today....(the award winning) Peckham Library.

It’s been three months since we last played Millwall away, a game I thoroughly enjoyed, through a) winning, b) a few drinks in a cidery on the Bermondsey Beer Mile and c) after match beers on home turf in Peckham.  What I can deduce from today’s FA Cup capitulation is that a game at Millwall is so much the better for us WINNING.  Being knocked out t’cup before it’s even started is a bad blow by anyone’s standards, especially against a side who always let us win.

Match action in front of literally...dozens.

Having enjoyed the beer mile last time, we vowed to go on more of a crawl.  This is great in theory, especially as brewery Head Brewery Honcho Loko can get us some free beers, but in January, what this means is drinking a variety of beers in a variety of cold railway arches.  Chilly.  I actually thought the last place would involve a pub, given it involved a 10 or 15 minute walk.  But no, it just meant we were nearer to the ground and in a different railway arch with more chipboard furniture than the rest.  I have no qualms over the beers, btw.  I’m just bitter that I haven’t had time to simmer down following the debacle on the pitch…

Moor Beer Company

We took the lead.  True, not much was happening, but then a ball is laid out, Hammill crosses and some guy runs in and buries it high into the net.  It’s only Potts!  Y’know, that bloke who everyone slates for being a bit s*** (he probably is) but outscores every other midfield player we have.  Great finish.  Time for a few rounds of ‘It’s happening again…’.  Will this be our 6^th or 7^th victory in a row against this bunch?  I forget.

The path to the away end; not an away fan in sight.

Luckily, the squad misread the script.  Lindsay failed to deal with a cross and Millwall score, despite Davies’ best efforts.   (Someone else said it was Davies’ fault, so I look forward to seeing a replay).  It was good to see it wasn’t a fluke though, as Lindsay gifted Millwall a 2nd just after half time.  Ok, ‘gifted’ may be harsh.  Perhaps ‘tediously slow to react’ could be more accurate, as he’s unable to turn and deal with a cut back.  I’m still annoyed.  It was the only place the Millwall fella coulda put the ball.

No-one outside either, save for a steward.

Of bigger worry is the seemingly bizarre decision to swap our fullbacks.  Who does that?  Is Heckingbottom some tactical genius who ‘thinks outside the box’?  He must be, cos at half time it was one-all and 61 minutes in we’re losing 4-1.  Course, no-one can legislate for Williams’ ridiculous challenge (actually, we can, cos we know he likes to put a foot in) and we’re now 2-1 down, away from home, and we only have 10 men.  I don’t fancy our chances.

There ARE some away fans...

Still, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed having Williams’ #1 fan in front of me (Loko – Marius still watching it on TV in Norway).  It’s true, Williams does make a tackle, and does occasionally find a red shirt, but finally (FINALLY) even Loko can vouch for Williams losing the ball 3 times in dangerous positions in ONE HALF.  Two of these were simple passes made bad, while the 3^rd was being tackled while strolling out.  Dangerous Brian O’Callaghan territory.  I’m sorry, but I don’t quite see the maestro everyone else sees.  Maybe 3 matches off will focus our midfield…

The full bit.  Behind the home dugout.

Course, maybe Williams is (or will be) a great player.  He’ll certainly never be as bad, or as anonymous, as Gardner’s younger brother, Gardner.  I’ll have to admit ignorance here, cos while chanting ‘There’s only one Craig Gardner’ I presumed no-one joined in cos he’s s***, not cos I had the wrong brother’s name.  He’s still s*** though.  Good job we’ve punted out Kay and McGeehan on loan, while giving every chance to other teams’ players.  Grrrrrrr.

Let me cheer myself up again.  Hawkes Cidery, Bermondsey.

I cannot remember Millwall’s 3^rd and 4^th.  Suffice to say their forwards play neat little give and go’s, other players move…and it ends with goals.  Cheats.  We stand around and hope Messi will run past 6 players and lay it on a plate.  Can you spot a problem there?  Outclassed by Millwall.  F***ing Millwall.  About the only positives from today are a) it’s only the cup (only!?) and b) Fulham lost.  Our game at home to the Cottagers goes ahead on 4^th round day and The Captain’s decision to purchase rail tickets doesn’t look so bad a judgement.

Just checking. It IS 4-1 isn't it?

At this point, I must sound very angry and bitter.  And I am.  I am currently watching a different programme to everyone else.  In the pub (sorry, railway arch), ‘will we stay up?’…I got 3 responses of ‘absolutely’ and a tentative ‘yes’ (A. Reed).  We have midfielders with no creativity, wingers who can’t beat a player, forwards who can’t make their own chances (Bradshaw) or who shoot from anywhere without reward (Thiam), a keeper who can concede from anywhere, fullbacks who DO give the ball away (whatever McCarthy’s chant) and centre halves who….well, they’re inconsistent at best.  I realise I’m seen as a bit negative (!) but I think I live in this world called ‘reality’.  Truth will out, I guess.

*** No-one.  Nice Guy Chris asked me who my favourite Reds player is.  Well, at the mo, problies ‘No-one’.  He certainly makes himself known on a regular basis of late.

** No-one.  Does the work of two in this team. 

* Potts.  Scored, and it annoys everyone else.  Apparently we’re s*** cos Potts is in the team, which ignores our poor run when he WASN’T playing. (PS, didn’t he return to our team for our 1^st win in 11 at Sunderland?)

Does what it says on the stand.

Despatches:
Where to start? How about up front?  Guess what? Bradshaw battled hard, spent the match with his back to goal and never looked like scoring.  Thiam meantime buzzes around, gets the ball, and shoots from anywhere, ignorant to the result of this.  Mamadou, let me tell you – Matches: too many. Goals in open play: f*** all.  Did someone say we’re paying him a fortune?  F***.  We’re stuck with him, then.  Isgrove played.  Allegedly.  Ditto Gardner, who at least offered some amusement with a 20 yarder which he dragged wide in slow motion.  Didn’t he do this at home to Dirty Leeds? Or was it Derby?  Basically, a central midfielder who can’t shoot, can’t head, doesn’t run with the ball, never tackles, doesn’t pass a ball forward…basically, we are paying someone else’s player to keep the team’s shape.  Surely that is the LEAST a player can do.  I blame the manager.  Hammill played too, but I only noticed him when the right winger laid the ball back…to Hamill.  Christ, I thought Hammill WAS the right winger.  The fullbacks were average, though having read reports about Toby (Cavare) I wonder what the fuss is about.  The best I can say is that he blends in with the rest.  And McCarthy hasn’t been the same since being dropped for being good.  That’ll teach him.  Pinnock looked alright, classy.  But that was at 1-0.  Nowhere when they were scoring.  And I've done Lindsay.  At least Jackson's back training, I read.

Anyway, I didn’t want to go to Wembley (again).

Onwards and upwards!

Drink du jour: all sorts, though a brand new experimental apple pale ale at Hawkes Cidery was my highlight.

Away: 414 (advance sales).  Whatever they claim about today’s attendance, it can’t have been more than 3000, including not many of us.  

The Damage:
£15 ent
= £15


I may have bought a programme had I seen one.  Apparently they were sold out. Sold out?  How many did they print?  50?

The Tunes:
OX4 – The Best of Ride (Ride)
Hippopotamus (Sparks)

I should have turned back here.

The New Den panorama.

BFC 3-1 Millwall (League 1 play-off final), Sunday 29th May 2016

'You can never have too much of a good thing'

Welcome to our new home.

Can I start with a disclaimer?  Whatever I write cannot do justice to this match, or our season. You had to be there.

And so it came to pass that the most memorable season since forever is finally over, 2 days off June. What began with high hopes and middled with desperation and abject misery has ended with the highest of highs, victorious at Wembley for promotion to the giddy stratosphere of the Championship. Goodbye Shrewsbury, Fleetwood, Oldham and other legendary Londontykes' away days this season, hello Wolverhampton, Brum and Dirty L**ds.  Joy.  Oh well, at least we won't have to face going to the Ricoh.

The meeting of the greats...Irn-Bru and Spongebob Squarepants (WTF?)

I don't think there's anything new to say about our rollercoaster season.  The whole land knows it.  Or should do. Beaten by non-league Altrincham in November, coupled with an 8 game losing league run.  And I wouldn't even mind but we finally hit literal rock bottom with THAT draw at home to the Blunts - yet Conor Hourihane's last minute equaliser proved to be the beginning, not the end.  And since signing the unknown Adam Hammill (!) it has been a non-stop party, both on the pitch and in the stands.  It has been, quite simply, the most unbelievable season I have ever known.  The sheer relentless winningness of the last 6 months.  (Of the last 10 games I've seen away from Oakwell, we've won 8 and drawn 2.)  The sheer, relentless losingness of the first 4 months.

In years to come, we'll remember this line up.

So, how apt that it should all end as it did - playing Mi'wa' off the park at Wembley to secure the final promotion place.  And, despite finishing 6th, who is to say we don't deserve it?  For the last half a year we have been the best team in the division.  This was the way to get promotion; how else would the Londontyke diaspora meet up in the same pub and sit together at the match and share the joy? From far and wide they came; Vienna, Bergen, Adelaide...Calgary.  Bl**dy hell.  Me?  I came from Peckham, so close to The Den that, when the wind is right, I can hear them from my garden (true).  I think there was a fan from Brazil there too, ginger bloke...well, he never put his Brazil flag down all night, from what I remember!

Londontykes celebrate in Mabels.

I think we're all agreed these two matches at Wembley (two!) have been about celebrating with friends and family at the 'home of football'.  None of this sending a text to someone with the result, or seeing them in the pub later, or never.  No, they were HERE, sharing the experience with the rest of us.  Thank god we won?  It was NEVER IN DOUBT.

Those Barnsley hordes

And we really did play them off the park.  Even the local 'Southwark News' says we deservedly won; in synopsis: 'They were better than us.'  To take the lead within 2 minutes was a dream come true. Lucky this wasn't Oakwell, or else I'd have almost certainly missed it.  Memory says Winnall won a flick on before Fletcher drove past 2 challenges to bury it into the far corner.  TV pictures say Winnall had no-one near him (the local rag did point out that their late injury was the bloke whose job it would have been to win that header).  Who cares!?  1-0.

Roberts drills one in.

After 19 minutes it was two and it looked like it could be a hammering.  The Mi'wa' defence ignore manager Harris's warnings about not letting Hammill cut inside and shoot...only to let Hammill cut inside and shoot.  But what can you do when he's, like, MILES better than you?  Easier said than done.  And once he's beaten 2 players he still only has to curl it into the top corner from 25 yards.  If he goes - what a way to sign off.  I love you Adam.

20 or so mins in, game over.

It was never going to be all Barnsley though was it?  And we have a slight wobble before half time, letting them pull one back.  Considering Beevors is Barnsley born and bred and used to be a season ticket holder, I make this 3-0 to Barnsley.  He rolls Roberts superbly in the scramble after a corner and sticks it in with his left.  Top striking.  Given we still win, I may even forgive Scowen for conceding the corner in the 1st place.

Wembley panorama

Half time comes and goes and so does a fair portion of the 2nd half with only one team looking like they'll score: us.  But that can't get in the way of a toilet break with Pompey (ooh-err) and as we re-enter (ooh-err), it's to see a cross come in and a Barnsley player flick the ball into the net.  GET THE F*** IN!!!!!!!!!  WE ARE THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Everyone bounces around hugging their nearest and dearest.  Or, in Pompey's case, me. (Stuart, however, passed us on his way out and missed the goal. Unlucky.)  Turns out to be Little Lloyd Isgrove, tiniest bloke this side of Little Lee (cnut) heading home from 4 yards. WHAT IS GOING ON???????

The lower tier light up a fat one in celebration.

Now all we have to do is sit back, let them commit too many men and hit them on the break.  Davies makes a couple of saves, but every time we look up it's 2 on 2, 3 v 3...and from one of these Marley Watkins is fouled, but no pen.  The ref must think Winnall's still on.  (Sorry, couldn't resist). Seriously, I was pleased for Marley; he was there during the s***, played a massive part in the recovery (and in particular, SSW's return to goalscoring form) and missed the Oxford game through injury.  A fitting end, seeing him out there sharing the glory.

Hammill leaves another Mi'wa' on his ar5e.

Oh, I nearly forgot.  That 3rd goal also enlivened a some Mi'wa' in the upper tier, trying to break through a line of stewards to attack what few Reds were up there.  I heard it described as 'shocking'...but how shocked was anybody to see this happen?  I for one think it was one of the reasons we didn't bring so many this time, compared to our last visit to Wembley, ooohhh...6 weeks ago.  Did I already mention we've already been to Wembley this season?

A couple come to blows (look carefully!)

And, after celebrating inside the stadium, it was back to where our day had started, 7 hours earlier...Mabels Tavern.  And where it wouldn't end till closing (again).  And where Hicksy got his money out for champers, having won £400 on today's result.  Who says betting with your heart doesn't work?  Lloyd Isgrove had to score ONE DAY...didn't he?

*** Obvs, they were all heroes.  Hourihane:  Great passing all day long, as well as the odd tackle.  Excellent deliveries from deadballs, including 2 daisycutters from corners which Super Sammy Winnall buried...into the stands.

** Hammill.  Cos he's class.  The goal of the season was the icing on the cake for a superb seasonal turnaround sparked by him.  I love you, Adam.

* Isgrove.  Finally, finally, all his running about got the goal his performances have deserved.  Good on you Lloyd - and good luck (if you don't remain on our bandwagon).

Londontykes MOTM: *** Hourihane   ** Hammill   * Isgrove

See you next season - same time, same place.  Anyone for Mabels pre-match?

YOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU REDDDDDDDDDSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Damage:
£62 ent (plus another £62 for my other half, and £31 for a pensioner, but anyway...)
£6 programme

Full time.  You Reds!

Bob's head's lost weight...

A former rock star, at the match incognito.

The scourge of the 21st century.  (Selfies, not SSW)

Cometh the occasion...I love you Adam!!!!!!!

Pyrotechnics for division 3's 6th best team

Super Sammy Winnall celebrates.

And again.  Give someone else a turn, Sam.

Contrasting emotions at full time.

Conor lifts the cup!

The celebrations continue.

Pre-match line ups.

The Ponty, at Wembley.

See you next season?

The Millwall end.  Good turnout, considering how far they've come...

Junior Waddington into the spirit

Peter Beagrie and the Sky crew.

Reds' flags behind the goal.

Do I love you?  Indeed I do.

Toby meets and greets pre-match.

That Brazilian bloke, with interloper.