FC Hartlepool 9-0 Washington, Tuesday 13th February 2024

FC Hartlepool 9-0 Washington, Northern League Division 2, Grays Enclosure, att. 131

It’s another sojourn to the north-east; this time it’s to have the staples removed from my neck after an operation last week. After two were painfully removed, I asked how many more? ‘One, two, three...oh, you’ve more than usual.’ Brilliant. Still, had to be done. Luckily, one of the two Northern League grounds I’ve never been to is hosting a game. FC Hartlepool, recently promoted to the Northern League, are at home to Washington, a side so bad that any other year they’d be bottom. Instead, crisis-club Brandon keep them away from the one relegation place to oblivion (the Wearside League).

I arrive 10 minutes late, in time to hear the cheer for FC’s (never refer to them as ‘Hartlepool’) 2nd goal. My dinner, a Toby carvery, was much more important after the day I’ve had. Within another 10 minutes, Washington are reduced to 10 men after a wild hack and half an hour into the game it’s 4-0. 4-0 up, against a side at the bottom down to 10 men, I had vague hopes of seeing double figures. In the end, Washington put up a semblance of a fight. FC only add one more before half-time and with various subs coming on second half, the flow of goals slows. They finish at 9, the last one in injury time, so very little time to get that 10 I craved.

The ground is a neat and tidy affair and it looked like I’d arrived in time to see 2 new stands having been delivered. As you enter one corner, two gleaming efforts stood either side of the corner flag, one for sitting, one for standing. As ever, the new (seated) stand, along the touchline, was placed somewhat away from the pitch and thus no-one actually chose to sit there. Still, both stands looked very smart bedecked in the blue and red of FC.

The majority of the fans stood on the dugout touchline, all the better for easy access to the clubhouse (it was very cold). Or you could stand outside and have your ears blasted by their beatbox, rigged up by the pavilion door. Opposite the dugouts is another stand, almost identical to the new seated one, save for the metal posts being painted white instead of blue. Otherwise, the ground is neatly enclosed. All in all, a welcome addition to the Northern League.

The Damage:
£5 ent
£1.50 tea
= £6.50

Hartlepool United 2-1 Blackpool, Saturday 8th January 2022

Hartlepool United 2-1 Blackpool, FA Cup 3rd Round, The Suit Direct Stadium (Victoria Ground), att. 4,932

Poolies v Pool in the FA Cup 3rd round, that most magical of rounds in that most magical of competitions. League 2 v Championship, 4th tier v 2nd tier. Could the Monkey Hangers upset the odds? Certainly, plenty thought so as I rocked up to the Suit Direct Stadium (!) to be met by huge queues. Should I just join one, or chance it? Well, I had nothing to lose. Kick-off was in about 10 minutes and there was no way I’d make it in on time by joining this queue. Good call – these long queues were for ticketholders. I’d yet to buy one.

I crossed the wasteland at the back of the catchily-named Teesside International Airport Stand and saw what purported to be a ticket office at the far end. It was a smallish queue. 15 quid and I had a ticket for the terrace in this stand. And of course it was busy – Hartlepool had given over their home end terrace to Blackpool in order to comply with allocation rules. It wouldn’t have mattered had the Tangerines been given the usual (seated) away end, they only brought 500 hundred and odd. Mind, there was a section of seating in the away (Rink) end closed, condemned. This split Poolies into both halves, though presumably this would be easier than doing it to the away fans.

Consequently, all available seats looked taken in The Rink End; one side full of vociferous Poolies and their drum. Mind, the terrace was busy too, and the atmosphere was the most raucous I’ve been to all season. (My other games either involving Barnsley or non-league.) The Main ‘Cyril Knowles’ Stand opposite was virtually full too. Pools were obviously ‘up for the cup’.

I bent under a barrier and squeezed in. I’d just missed kick-off but it was all Hartlepool. So after 8 minutes, Blackpool showed their class and scored with their first attack. The Tangerines then pulled the Monkey Hangers apart at will, missing the goal twice from 6 yards out. There’d be a 3rd identical miss in the second half (Lavery being the main culprit), as well as a close range header. There would prove costly.

Half-time and the chance to find a better, more Covid-safe view. After nearly bumping into mascot H’Angus the Monkey (of course) I snuck upstairs into the seats and found myself amongst the yoof, throwing a (presumably unused) condom at each other. Ahhh, the good old days. The singing and chanting went on throughout. Is it always like this at Hartlepool? I vaguely remember one popular ditty about an Irishman called Holohan who’s ‘a Poolie through and through.’ Anyway, it worked. 3 minutes after the restart Featherstone cut in from the left and shot, the deflection completely wrongfooting the keeper. Raucous became….more raucous. Manager Lee sent on 18 year old Joe Grey and a minute later he’d bagged, a neat pass putting him clean through. The control, the composed finish…but was it too early?

No. Blackpool had a couple of near misses, but never troubled the keeper and, if truth be told, their heads went down once the Monkey Hangers equalised. The higher division away team simply didn’t have the bottle to take on a side whose tails were up. Perhaps Blackpool ought to have been housed in the Rink End after all. That ice they’d been skating on, second half, was very, very thin.

The Damage:
£15 ent
= £15

I’d have had a programme too, if the police hadn’t blocked Clarence Road to home fans. ‘But I want to get to the club shop’…’well, you can walk round’ said a steward. Walk round 4 sides of the ground when the club shop’s JUST THERE? No ta.

The Tunes:
BBC5Live…and Newcastle getting beat by 3rd tier Cambridge. Bliss!