Gateshead 1-1 Eastleigh, Tuesday 6th February 2024

Gateshead 1-1 Eastleigh, National League, Gateshead International Stadium, att. 855 (14 away)

It’s midweek and I’m up in the north-east on business. I considered the Northern League, but I’ve been reading an article about Gateshead’s possession-based football leading to manager Mike Williamson being poached last month by MK Dons (booooooo!). And with The Heed challenging for a play-off spot, times haven’t been this good for a while. Plus it’s an easy half an hour up the A1 from my abode. That’s the thing about where I live now, in the West Yorkshire Pennines...you get nowhere fast. From Ferryhill in County Durham, there must be 50 grounds within half an hour or so.

With a smallish crowd expected, there’s no problem getting parked in the academy adjacent to the stadium. Free too, which is just as well as I’m stung for twenty quid admission. 20 quid? That’s what I paid to see Everton v Palace in the cup the other week. Still, this’ll be a better game to watch. Easy in, and, as mostly, only one stand open, the Tyne and Wear (West) Stand. It’s a large propped cantilever stand which affords great views despite the running track, due to its steepness.

A similar stand lies opposite, albeit with only the skeleton of a roof frame. When the opposition bring numbers, it’s open. Tonite, Eastleigh bring fourteen whole supporters, and well done them, I could hear them. Behind either goal are more open seats, with the north end being slightly larger. I’m not sure when they’ll ever be used again. Does Gateshead still host Diamond League athletics meetings, now we have the ‘London Stadium’, nee the 2012 Olympic Stadium? I dunno, I don’t really follow athletics.

Pre-match, I head for the ‘Old Goat’s Bar’ under the stand, for a craft ale refresher. Last time it had a few choices from a local brewer. Not this evening. It’s Stella or Strongbow (dark or original...wooo!) or some other non-descript beverage. I decide to keep my powder dry and pick a pew. I could enjoy a padded VIP seat on the halfway line, but I choose a higher perch, for the view, just in front of a stanchion.

The game is a throwback. In the modern era, where the high press rules, Eastleigh simply retreat into their own half every time they lose possession, which is every time. Gateshead easily enjoy over 80% possession, but despite the probling of midfield pair Whelan and Francis, Eastleigh’s rigid defensive lines of a 5 and 3 are difficult to thread a pass through. They also cede the wide areas to Gateshead, confident that any delivery will be comprehensively cleared. And this works for 95 minutes (Eastleigh one up before the hour with a rare counter attack).

Then, with seconds to spare (the minimum 5 mins of injury time the ref had signalled is up), a corner is lofted in and the ref points to the spot. No-one in the stand has any idea what the offence is, and only one Spitfire (great nickname) complains until he’s booked. Foul? A push? Handball? I have no idea, and neither do two other blokes I listen in on as I leave. But who cares. Gateshead snatch the point as Luke Hannant despatches the pen, reward for an interesting piece in the programme. Although in his second spell with The Heed, he initially came to the north-east to study (choosing Newcastle cos it had the best nightlife!) and, after a spell in the Northern League for Northumbria University, was spotted and signed. Good on the lad, it lead to a spell at Port Vale and now he’s back as an influential older head.

The Damage:
£20 ent
£3 programme
= £23

FC Halifax Town 1-2 Chesterfield, Tuesday 24th May 2022

Halifax 1-2 Chesterfield, National League Play-off, Shay Stadium, att. 5,661

The National League play-offs and a final game of the season. A last chance to stand in traffic on the M62 and miss kick-off, a chance I took with both hands. Even then, getting off at Halifax, the two lanes soon halved due to more roadworks. A sign said lane closed in 600 yards, but rather than pull in and sit angrily as queue jumpers do what they do best, I sat in the soon to be closed lane (well, 600 yards later closed) and crawled along beside another car. I don’t think I’ve ever been car-horned like this before (by the wannabe queue-jumpers) but I rather enjoyed it. Even then, when the flash car immediately behind pulled in, he tried to ensure I couldn’t eventually pull in by being so close to the car in front (the one I’d crawled beside). Shame for him then that said car let me in, in front of him. (As an aside, I’ve read that traffic flows quicker if drivers do queue jump, but this sits uneasily with me, and, I hope, every other driver who pulls in when they see signs for a closed lane, only to be overtaken by queue-jumpers, who, I presume, haven’t read the same article as me on traffic management and are just being twunts.) Anyway, glad I got that off my chest.

Halifax. I can’t believe I’ve never been, to the ground or the place. It doesn’t help that they’ve been non-league since 2002. Seems like only yesterday they were perennial re-election favourites along with Darlington and Hartlepool. However, in 2008 they went bust and reformed as FC Halifax Town. This season sees their highest position since reforming, 4th place gaining them a place in the convoluted National League play-off system, where 4th plays 7th, 5th plays 6th, then the winners play away at 2nd or 3rd, with the winners playing the final. I’m not sure I agree with a system that gives promotion to a side in 7th, but Chesterfield grasp it with both hands, deservedly winning 2-1 on the night. They’ll now play 3rd placed Solihull Moors, away, for a chance to get beaten in the final by Wrexham or Grimsby (who progressed at Notts County last night with an injury time equaliser and 119th minute winner). Capiche?

Tonight’s game certainly attracted a crowd, over five and half thousand (Halifax’s average attendance this season: 2,130). Mind, it helped having 2,063 visitors, as well as sundry groundhoppers (I spotted 3 people I know). Shay Stadium (née ‘The Shay’) is quite smart these days too, a far cry from its tenure as a ramshackle speedway stadium. Two large (by modern English standards), covered terraces envelope either end, while a newish Main Stand also provides unencumbered views. The only stanchions are contained in the Skircoat Stand, the only remnant of the speedway days and now the seated area for away fans. This stand covers maybe two-thirds of the touchline, giving an overall stadium capacity of over 14,000.

Driving in, I passed The Shay, so at least I knew how far it was to walk. I eventually found somewhere to park the other side of the railway station, about 10 minutes away, so not too bad. I missed less of the game than I expected. Checking my wallet, I only had 20 quid, so lucky I raided the soap dish full of change in the car – it was £21 to get in. No programmes though. There never are by the time I arrive. The long queue at the turnstiles which I’d passed earlier had now disappeared and I was straight into the home terrace. Plenty of space, even given Halifax’s biggest crowd in an age.

Good atmosphere too, helped in part by the referee and a crackers 5 minute period around the half hour mark. 4 awful tackles, 3 yellow cards…and a home side baying for red. Later on, in the pub, Halifax fans mused on how the guy who scored the winning goal should have been sent off. Isn’t it strange how these things come back to bite you? The ref did his best though, and it was Chesterfield fans who were goading him with ‘You’re not fit to referee’ in the 2nd half, as they desperately clung on after Halifax pulled one back for 1-2. There were still 20 minutes left, but, in truth, the home side fell short. An excellent game for the neutral, I topped it off with a half at the Three Pigeons – Salt Jute session IPA. I wish I could have stayed for more, but I had another 2 hours’ drive in front of me. I can muse over what a season it’s been; the worst Barnsley FC season in my memory, only seeing 3 away games (thank god), visiting every Northern League ground at least once and ticking off Barrow and Harrogate in the league. And my dad passing away after 2 years of illness. Perhaps next season will be back to normal…whatever ‘normal’ is

The Damage:
£21 ent
£4 burger
= £25

The Tunes:
Jarvis (Jarvis Cocker)
The Voltarol Years (Half Man Half Biscuit)
Sometimes I Might Be Introvert (Little Simz)

Dulwich Hamlet 1-3 Havant and Waterlooville, Tuesday 20th January 2020

Dulwich Hamlet 1-3 Havant and Waterlooville, National League South, att. 844

Welcome to....the Hawks on tour!

What a difference a midweek makes.  3 days earlier, The Hamlet played in front of nearly 3000, and yet 3 days later there was nary a quarter of that number there, 844, lowest of the season.  It can't have been much to do with the opposition either, as Havant and Waterlooville were arguably a bigger draw than Chippenham, challenging as they are for the top 3.  They brought a few too.  However, it was very very cold and perhaps Hamlet fans are not the hardiest.

The teams line up.

I'll be honest, I didn't even know Hamlet were at home till I heard a mate was coming up to support his locals Havant (and Waterlooville).  The match was re-arranged from a December postponement, which explained the use of the same programme, save for a new teamsheet.  It was another world for my mate too, as he summed up 'Dull Witch Omelette' as '£10 pieminister pies, dogs (multiple) dressed in club scarves and people drinking Prosecco on the touchline'.  He was spot on there.  Indeed, what could be more Hamlet than a chat in the clubhouse between 2 other mates and I...a trade unionist, a teacher and a social worker?

Welcome to ...(II)

I stood behind the car wash end 1st half, with the Havant fans.  (Are Dulwich the 'Haves' while Havant are....?)  Mainly cos I could chat rubbish with my mate, but partly cos I couldn't be bothered to change ends.  And a good decision too, as all the action was down our end, with goalkeeper Charlie Grainger performing heroics.  I heard he was on loan from Leyton Orient, but t'internet suggests he's been let go.  Either way, I cannot believe Orient have a finer keeper and he looks worth a punt in the football league.

Looking towards the Main Stand.

Still, that Havant still hadn't scored was as much down to themselves, as former football league goalscorer Danny Kedwell (now officially the fattest full-time footballer in existence) thundered a penalty off the bar.  I'll give it to a couple of Havant fans, they called it; 'this one's going over.'  And it did, on the second rebound, as the first hit someone or other.  I'll give it to Kedwell though, despite the weight, he still knows where the goal is and is in amongst the leading scorers.  Hamlet limped in at half time, nil nil.

Kedwell blast the penalty off the bar.

Hopefully Hamlet had weathered the storm and would now push on.  Well, 6 mins in they did just that, actually going ahead.  Their own top goalscorer Mills found himself clean through, driving it across the keeper from the right and into the opposite bottom corner.  The Dultras went wild!  Well, those who were there.  Could the shock be on? 

Well, Havant continued to spurn chances, as Grainger pulled off yet more unbelievable saves, including a couple of one-on-ones.  However, the dam was finally broken as a Havant player was cut down again for a penalty on 77 minutes.  This time Magri stepped up and although soft, he sent Grainger the wrong way.  Five minutes later a loose ball was lashed in from the edge of the box, Grainger being given no cover whatsoever as the defence were overloaded.  Then, in the last minute, more poor defending left Havant clean through.  1-3 and no more than they deserved, despite Grainger's best efforts.  He needs to find himself another team - or Hamlet need a new back 4.

Bit busier as Hamlet kick this end 2nd half.

The Damage:
£12 ent
£2 prog
£5 beer x 4 (3 Erdinger, 1 Camden Pale Ale)
= £34

The Tunes:
Late Night Tales (Jon Hopkins)
Human (Nitin Sawhney)

Borehamwood 0-0 Barnet, Wednesday 1st January 2020

Borehamwood 0-0 Barnet, National League, att. 1,401

Welcome to ...

Over the last couple of years I've often marvelled at the National League and the results of Borehamwood, a side with crowds of around 600 punching well above their weight.  I was almost developing a soft spot for them.  And with my team Barnsley having their New Year's Day game at Derby moved so the nation can see Wayne Rooney make his £80k/week debut for the Rams (paid for by a betting company, while DCFC themselves fail to pay their own players on time and sack the ageing, injured captain for getting hurt in a car driven by his younger, drunker, more saleable teammates who didn't get sacked...don't get me started).  Anyway, suffice to say that I have no interest in bankrolling Derby's players at £31 a pop.  No, let's go Wood.

The Main Event

Perfect timing too, New Year's Day, local derby, big crowd (but not a sellout...hopefully).  And no, it wasn't a sellout.  Probably for any number of reasons that start and end with the admission.  £20?  For a non-league game?  To stand?  (It seemed to be £20 all round, but who wants to sit in the cold?)  Dearie me.  Having made my way there, I coughed up, under duress.  Still, what a game I had on my hands, local upstarts v the big (non-league) club from down the road.  It was truly terrible.

I could have simply stared at the back of the stand for 90 minutes.

I s'pose being up all nite following a NYE party didn't help, nor the hair of the dog beers at whatever time we got to the pub this morning, but, my god, what a terrible game.  I vaguely remember a couple of long range potshots, but other than that, I struggle to fathom how two teams can spend 90 mins in the middle third of the pitch.  And as for the buzz of a derby....23 'yoof' in the home head either chanting 'We are The Wood, we are The Wood, we are, we are, we are The Wood' or else besmirching Barnet as 'just a bus stop in .....' (I forget where; somewhere in the Herts hinterland.)  Or else there were the Barnet hordes, who surely made up more than half the crowd, yet made no noise that made it as far as these ears.  Perhaps their lack of a roof didn't help.

What a great des-res.

In fact, so bad was it, I nearly fell asleep (twice) while leaning on a crush barrier (not that there's much call for those around here).  Or maybe that was my lack of sleep in the preceding 36 hours or so.  I tried to liven myself up by queuing for a burger I didn't want.  Thankfully, service was so slow, I decamped back to the terrace unserved as the second half began, my mood not helped by having thoroughly read the programme (another two quid) in approximately 120 seconds while stood in line.  That's a pound a minute.  I wouldn't mind so much, but it actually covered two games, 'printing deadlines' and all that over Xmas.

The North Bank...is there a theme here?

All of this was a shame, cos it's a tidy little ground, easily reached, 10 or 15 mins from Elstree and Borehamwood station.  There's a newish stand down one touchline, and a covered terrace behind the goal for the home fans.  A more elderly stand on the other touchline gave the ground character, while at least the away fans could stand on a terrace, as open as it was.  Capacity is a decent 4,500, with 1,700 seats, more than enough for present crowds, yet big enough to suggest potential.  A shame then that it appeared emblazoned with Arsenal FC here and there, a result of said women's team playing here.  In that case, why aren't they Borehamwood Women?

Time to go home and get some sleep.  Finally.

Eh?

The Damage:
£20 ent
£2 prog

The Tunes:
Laura Mvula with Metropole Orkest
The Rough Guide to Indian Classical Music (Various)
Music in Exile (Songhoy Blues)
Tales From Turnpike House (St. Etienne)

Borehamwood v Barnet panorama.

A 1st sighting of the stadium.

The view from outside.

An old exit.

All stands should be camouflaged.

The best seats in the ground acting as segregation.

The stand with the trees behind it.

Same again.

The home end...eventually.

The view from the corner flag.

The Tree Stand.

The Main Stand.

Actual real life action.

A packed home terrace for the New Year;'s Day derby.

Will this game ever end?