Sheffield United 0-6 Arsenal, Monday 4th March 2024

Sheffield United 0-6 Arsenal, FA Premier League, Bramall Lane, att. 29,980.

‘What’s it like to see a decent team?’ texts an Arsenal mate. I should tell him I often see a decent team – every time Man City are on telly. Tonite I’m with a mutual friend, PC Chris (and the ‘PC’ does not stand for ‘politically correct’). He’s back up home on a break due to his shift work and he wonders if I fancy a bit of Blunts v Gunners. Yeah, go on then...been a while since I’ve seen a Premiership game in the flesh.

I’m surprised there are tickets left, but it’s Monday nite, it’s on telly, the Blunts are going down...and the fans are suitably depressed. Oh, and it’s forty four quid. Forty four quid! For little hope of a result. Quietly though, I’m excited, a chance to see a game from a different part of the ground. As an away fan, I’ve spent countless occasions in that there two-tiered stand behind the Bramall Lane goal. So it comes as mild disappointment that that’s exactly where our tickets are, though at least it’s the upper tier, which has a fabulous view. The away fans these days are only given the lower tier.

All hail the view too, as 3 goals in the opening 14 minutes put the game out of reach. Can Arsenal better the 8 (eight) Newcastle put past them at Bramall Lane earlier this season? Sadly not. Nil five, half-time, the Gunners make several substitutions and settle for 6. Indeed, the battering has thousands leaving early. Still, when you have a £100m midfielder against opposition whose whole team didn’t cost that, what do you expect? ‘Best league in the world’ etc.

It’s a(nother) chastening experience for the home faithful, watching a team destined for relegation with over two months of the season left, the desperation most keenly felt by the PA announcer at half-time, exhorting the fans ‘to get behind the team...please’. Still, it was nice to see a decent team. And it was nice to see PC Chris. Commiserations.

The Damage:
£44 ent
c.£10 petrol
= c.£54

Arsenal 1-2 Eintracht Frankfurt, Thursday 28th November 2019

Arsenal 1-2 Eintracht Frankfurt, Europa League, official att. 49,419 (ha!)

Welcome to ...

Finally, finally…after about 15 matches, I’ve seen The Arse lose at the Emirates.  I didn’t think it was possible.  With a whimper too, as a team containing at least half a dozen players I wouldn’t recognise in the street, throw away a half-time lead.  It must have been embarrassing, for they sacked head coach Unai Emery the following day (well, if rivals Spurs can sack Pochetino whilst still being in the Champions League, surely it’s the least Arsenal can do).  This was an 8^th game without a win, a lifetime with their expectations.  (My own team, Barnsley, are currently 17 without a win.  Beat that, Arsenal.)

Full time.  Unai Emery R.I.P.

Turns out fans couldn’t give tickets away for this one.  Around 30,000 were expected tonite (though official figures won’t reflect that, counting season-ticket holders who’ve had no choice but to pay for tickets in Europe’s secondary cup competition).  I gratefully accepted an offer to fill in for one, while I was offered another ticket on the night.  Thursday nite is 5 aside nite for me and my buddies, and normally, these days, we struggle for numbers when it’s Europa League and Arsenal are at home – half the players are Arse fans of some level.  Still, dedication to both causes from one, Mani, who’ll sacrifice 20 minutes of Arsenal to see our own game through.

This is what 49,000 looks like at The Emirates.

I really like coming to these Euro games.  The away side invariably fill the away end, bringing 3000+, and make enough noise to make up for the rest of The Library.  So I was disappointed to learn on the day that Eintracht had been banned from receiving tickets due to earlier naughtiness in Guimaraes.  Furthermore, Arsenal had limited sales on their secondary ticketing procedure.  I wouldn’t even have an atmosphere.  Great.

The naughty boys' end.

I arrived about 20 mins in too, having tied my horse bike up outside the Co-op.  I like arriving late; no queues, and an empty staircase.  I was soon next to my mate Rod, in the upper tier, right behind the goal.  However, like me, he’s become disillusioned with (modern) football and couldn’t wait to have a beer.  He lasted 20 minutes before ‘beating the rush’.  What rush?  There was nobody here.  He missed Arsenal’s goal.  Martinelli drove it across from the right, a teammate dummied, and Aubameyang drove it low, off the keeper’s legs and the bar, before nestling in the net.  He’s one of the luckiest (best?) finishers I know.  Everything he hits seems to go in.  I joined Rod for beer.

My favourite Emirates game: spotting the cannon.

There was humour too, from those fans present when the Gunners scored; chants of ‘You’re not singing anymore’ to the empty away section followed by ‘Shall we sing a song for you?’ and, with delicious irony, ‘Your support is f***ing s***’.  Only the Eintracht fans weren’t as non-existent as they ought.  Once they were ahead, the Frankfurters could be heard (yet not seen) at the Clock End (save for a topless gentleman who could only have been an away fan).   The middle (corporate) section looked suspiciously full at the away end, let’s just say that.  Arsenal apparently wait with baited breathe how UEFA will react for their apparent failure to invoke the ban in its completeness.

Eintracht woz ere.  A sticker finds its way onto a cannon.

Arsenal (the players) created little, second half – but we had a great view of Eintracht’s two goals.  We were still supping, chatting rubbish, and following the game on one of the screens under the stand.  We weren’t the only ones.  Japanese international Kamada won it with two super finishes, a left foot curler into the far corner and a low right footed drive, both from around 20 yards.  Only then did we take our seats again.  I mean, you don’t come to football to stand on a concourse, drinking beer and watching it on a screen…do you?  I said we were disillusioned.  Anyway, I hear Arsene Wenger’s available…

The Damage:

£0 ent (cheers Rod!)
£10.40 beer x 2 (Camden Pale Ale, I think)
= £10.40

The Tunes:
Imidiwan (Tinariwen)
La Radiolina (Manu Chao)

Arsenal go through...Unai gets sacked.

Arsenal 1-0 Bournemouth, Sunday 6th October 2019

Arsenal 1-0 Bournemouth, Premiership, att. 60,326 (allegedly)

Welcome to ...

Same as every other Arsenal match I've seen, comfortable home win, comfortable seats, no atmosphere.  Still, good to hang out with a few mates, as well as see an old face over from Oz.  Otherwise ....

The Damage:
free ent (cheers Geoff!)

Luiz makes the difference.  No, really.

The players mob the goalscorer.

Home time!

Time flies when...

Wenger Emery Out!

Match action in front of a packed Emirates (60,326!)

Arsenal 4-0 Standard Liege, Thursday 3rd October 2019

Arsenal 4-0 Standard Liege, Europa League, official att. 58,725 (Emirates Stadium)

Welcome to ...

At the risk of repeating a Smiths’ lyric…stop me if you think you’ve heard this one before.  Arsenal roll over inferior opposition in front of a two-thirds full stadium (while announcing it’s virtually capacity) while playing delightful footie, with a midgety skilful midfielder running the show.  Add in the away fans providing the atmosphere and you have the complete Emirates experience.  Boxes ticked all round.  The average fan would be well chuffed.  But this is Arsenal, where they expect to win trophies, so the usual scintillating home victory is never enough while they continue to roll over away.  However, this was their RESERVE side, and two of my Arsenal buddies both claimed, independently, that the reserve side is better than the 1^st team!  Certainly, there seemed more bottle, more effort, a greater will to win.  

Standard's corner.

I should sound more grateful.  A mate was over from Oz, and another mate had lent me his (son’s) season ticket.  Great view, comfy chair, soulless atmosphere.  Modern football at its finest.  But most important, a drink with my mates, some ‘bantz’ with an Aussie 15 year old…and a good time by all.  (He predicted the score correctly, btw.)  And I did enjoy (Real Madrid loanee) Ceballos orchestrating the game from deep midfield, while the average Arse could get excited about 18 year old Martinelli’s lively performance up front, including 2 goals.  Not bad for a winger playing out of position.  Standard were never at the races.  3-0 down after 23 minutes.  ‘Are you Tottenham in disguise?’ came the cry from….oooh, I dunno….3 dozen at our end.  Good effort lads.

Another week, another home win.  Every game is the same when I come here…

A packed-out Emirates.

The Damage:

€0 ent (cheers Geoff!)
= €0

The Tunes:
Psychocandy (The Jesus and Mary Chain)
La Radiolina (Manu Chao)
Endtroducing (DJ Shadow)

Let's not pussyfoot about...

The teams line up, Europa League banner ready.

Match action at the North Bank end.

Standard corner.

Arsenal 0-0 Sporting Lisbon, Thursday 8th November 2018

Arsenal 0-0 Sporting Club de Portugal, Europa League (c40,000; can’t find official attendance anywhere)

Welcome to ...

It’s a Thursday night, which can only mean one thing….5 aside up in Finsbury Park.  And, if I drop lucky, one of the lads offering me a free ticket to see The Arse in Europe.  In Europe’s premier club trophy, save for the European Champions League, which the Arse don’t qualify for anymore.  What a pity.

Setting the scene.

Anyway, cheers Mani, a late birthday treat.  Sadly, he couldn’t make it (‘a demanding wife and two kids’, which I took to mean only the wife is demanding…who knows?)  So I pootled from football, tied my bike to the rack outside the Co-op near the Emirates and in I went.  I was a bit thirsty too, having ran around for an hour and I was looking forward to a Coke (capital 'C' since I'm on-brand).  Pepsi just doesn’t cut it for me.  It’s just not nice.  The Emirates has Pepsi.  I went thirsty.  Not to worry, it wasn’t long before I had something else to think about: it’s quite chilly sitting there in shorts in November, especially when Arsenal are failing to score.

An injury is tended to, 1st half.

Yes, for the 1^st time ever, I failed to see an Arsenal victory at the Emirates.  I must have seen them 10 times, beating allcomers such as Spurs, Newcastle (twice), Borussia Dortmund, AC Milan, Stoke, Norwich…and they’re the ones I remember.  No, this finished 0-0, with neither keeper seriously tested.  Highlights were few, despite the pretty football.  Welbeck was carried off.  I say ‘highlight’.  I just don’t rate him, and was pleased to see Aubameyang get a run out.  Then there was the Sporting player who was laid out for 2 minutes cos a ball hit him in the BACK.  My god.  I didn’t often agree with The Irate Arsenal Fan further down my row, but I did here.  

Welbeck is carried off.

Mind, I notice he shut his mouth when Lichsteiner (sp?) was injured and, instead of limping 10 yards off the pitch behind the goal, hobbled 50 yards across the pitch, collapsing twice.  Now who’s timewasting?  Still, we got our rewards.  5 mins extra of nothingness, though Sporting’s centre half was sent off in the 87^th minute for chopping Aubameyang, the ref deeming it a goalscoring opportunity, despite Pierre-Emerick running towards the corner flag and on his wrong foot.  Still, he’s quite pacy, so maybe…

A disappointing night, but at least I beat the rush by staying till the end.  And, as ever, the seat was comfortable and the view good.

Up the Arse!!!!!!!!!!

Half time.  Spot the exec tier.

Away: c6,000, the entire bottom tier at the Clock End.  They looked like they had fun, especially when they started waving their scarves around as they realised Arsenal were never gonna score.

Drink du jour: none.  Tho I had did have that can of coke when I got home.

The Damage:
free ent

The Tunes:
Licensed To Ill (Beastie Boys)
A Little Deeper (Ms Dynamite)

Cech wonders whatthehell is going on.