Curzon Ashton 0-3 Spennymoor Town, Tuesday 8th April 2025

Curzon Ashton 0-3 Spennymoor Town, National League North, Tameside Stadium, att. 328

As the end of the season draws closer, pickings are slimmer. With winter not being as harsh as last year, most sides are on schedule with their fixtures, meaning fewer outstanding midweek games. I was on the verge of traversing the M62 to see Cleethorpes Town (champions-elect of the Northern Premier East, 8th tier) but then I get the message from Darlo Kev: he’s off to see his local side Curzon Ashton take on ‘Pride of County Durham’ (their words, not mine) Spennymoor Town. I’m in.

Kev hates the ‘Pride of County Durham’ tag, so I use it as often as possible on him. It’s annoying when some upstart starts outshining you, as Spenny have done recently with Darlington. Last Satdy they turned over Rochdale away in the FA Trophy semi final and are facing their first Wembley trip in non-league’s most senior cup competition. Was it 3, or even 4 messages of congratulations from Curzon in their programme tonite? If it’s an effort to soften them up, it doesn’t work.

I pick Kev up and drive the 3 miles or so to the Tameside Stadium, via Stalybridge. Ashton-under-Lyne is vast. It is my annual bewilderment how Curzon, based on tiny crowds (tonite: 328), have such a level of stadium and can fund a play-off push in the National League North. Do they pick up a cut of the associated sports facilities? There’s a popular cycle track adjacent to the ground and I admire the peloton, 1st half, as it makes one of its circuits. Mind, the Pennines is JUST THERE. It’s a hell of a lot easier cycling round a flat track.

There’s also been a development at the Tameside since I was last here. A scaffold roof has been put up at the near end, behind the goal. I’m not sure what the necessity is, given there’s cover for 1000 or so on the long side opposite the Main Stand, which in itself seats over 500. Kev eyes the surrounds with more than a touch of jealousy, as Darlo are still forced to share a rugby ground.

It’s a scandalous 17 (seventeen) pounds to get in. 17 quid? I could have gone to Huddersfield v Wycombe at the top end of League 1 tonite for 18. No wonder there’s only 328 here, in itself one of their lowest crowds of the season. I don’t suppose it helps that it’s the Champs League quarter final, Arsenal v Real Madrid. And it’s cold. I thought summer was coming? I get a programme (£3) and marvel again at its glossiness and content. Full marks to the programme editor.

We nip into the portacabin that doubles as the social club. It’s Kev’s round, after he’s taken me for a beer at the fabulous pub at Stalybridge station and he compliments the quality of the Guinness, despite it being from a can. Seems their fancy can opener does the magic. Then we are out onto the not-so-packed terraces. I want to go to the far end, which I’ve never been to, but it seems you can’t do that via the Main Stand, so we have to walk all the way round. We are joined by 4 others for an unremarkable opening half, peloton aside.

Second half, after draining the main veins (what film was that line in? ‘I’m off to drain the main vein.’ Robocop?) Anyway, the Main Stand looks tempting now we’re cold, and it does offer a nice view. We settle in, Kev all-in for Curzon and me kind of hoping Spenny keep up their own play-off push, keep it interesting. Junior Mondial (ex Darlo, useless) cheekily flicks in a low cross. Kev’s mood does not improve, and we find in the cheer that there’s more Spenny in the ground than we’d anticipated, maybe as many as 20. Maybe.

Then Spenny send on Glen Taylor, a centre forward who has played below his level for so many years he now has over 200 Spenny goals to his name. Game over. He scores one, creates continual havoc and Spenny score a 3rd before game’s end. Odds are neither will make the play-offs (Spenny have leaders Scunny away next) but odds are also that I’ll be back next season, to marvel at how Curzon have such a good stadium, how they’re in a play-off race and can produce such a glossy programme, all on tiny crowds. ‘It’s like de ja vous all over again’ as Shaka Hislop once said.

The Damage:
£17 ent
£3 prog
£11 2 pints of Guinness and Staropramen (I think)
= £31

Curzon Ashton 1-3 Darlington, Tuesday 27th February 2024

Curzon Ashton 1-3 Darlington, National League North, Tameside Stadium, att. 283

How do they pay for all of this, Curzon Ashton? Smart, newish stadium, team challenging for a National League North play-off place, colourful programme...and the crowd tonite is 283 (and even half of that was Darlo). Attendance last game, v Peterboro Sports? 149. ‘Maybe it’s from the hiring out of all the sports facilities’ says my mate Kev, Darlo fan and Ashton resident. ‘It’s your taxes’ says Cousin Chris, another Darlo fan and Greater Manchester resident. The truth is, we’ve no idea.

I’ve picked Kev up, having climbed over the Pennines to his abode. ‘Shall we take my car or yours?’ I ask. ‘Oh...errr...yours...the wife’s borrowed mine.’ Settled then. Kev has to direct though, the ground is the other side of Ashton-under-Lyne, the biggest town nobody has heard of. I’m keen to see The Quakers this evening, as they’ve little chance of staying up and seem destined to return to Ashton next season to play United in the division below.

Parking is easy, there’s a large car park adjacent. We’re early, but it’s already busy. Turns out it’s all the runners and cyclists using the sports facilities here. The football ground is another 200 metres on, past a glorious statue to the 3 World Cup winners born in Ashton; Geoff Hurst, Jimmy Armfield (in the ’66 squad) and...wait for it...Simone Perrotta, who played every game as Italy won it in 2006. I know, with a name like that (and a limited knowledge of all things Italian) he could have been in any Italian World Cup squad ever. 1934? 1938? Could be!

The social club is a large portacabin. Characterless as it is, it was nice to receive a teamsheet as we drank. And I hate to say this, and I said it several times to Kev and Chris, Darlington dream of having a ground like the Tameside Stadium. There’s a cantilevered main stand on the halfway line (seating 524, though not tonite), a large covered terrace opposite and open terracing at either end. Official capacity is 4,200, but it looks like it could hold a lot more than that. Yet, despite their lofty position, Curzon (or ‘The Nash’...CurzoN ASHton) have breached the four figure barrier once this season, for the visit of Chester City (and who knows how many the visitors brought?) Less than 500 is the norm.

Still, The Nash are red hot favourites against a Darlington side on to their third manager of the season. However, The Quakers have spent a reputed ‘Boost the Budget’ £30k in January, raised by the fans, most of which has gone on a half decent centre forward who is strong, puts himself about, holds a ball up and is generally a pest. What a difference Cedric Main makes, as Darlington spurn 3 glorious 1st half chances. While everyone worries about Main, Mitchell Curry is allowed a trio of opportunities to score with the goalkeeper to beat. To say he’s hapless doesn’t do justice to hapless.

Thankfully, the Quakers go ahead with a backpost header off a corner and go on to record a notable 3-1 victory. As a Barnsley fan, I get to muse over the career of Curzon centre half George Waring. Once on loan to us in division 3 from Stoke, I never thought he’d amount to much, despite his stated aim of playing for Stoke in the Premiership. That didn’t go well in every way, but full marks for the delusion ambition that he’d displace England’s Peter Crouch. With Curzon increasingly desperate, Waring was pushed up for the last 10 minutes. He looked a better centre half.

The Damage:
£15 ent
£2.50 programme
= £17.50

*a beer on Kev ‘for the lift’.

Southport 2-0 Darlington, Tuesday 9th January 2024

Southport 2-0 Darlington, National League North, The Big Help Stadium (Haig Avenue), att. 647 (away: 78)

Now I’m living in the Pennines, a whole new world of groundhops has opened. This evening, my old local side Darlington are playing at Southport. A chance to see a former football league ground! It’s got me thinking. How many former league grounds (which are still being used) have I not been to? Southport. Well, I’ve mentioned them. Hereford. Must go there sometime. Do I have a vague recollection of Kidderminster Harriers being in the league? I presume they haven’t moved. Thereafter, I may have to do some research. Do Glossop North End still play where they played when they were in the league a century ago? I’ll find out.

Sadly, it’s midweek, so I’ll not be seeing the sea. Nor will I get a view of Gormley’s figures on the beach, partly cos Kev tells me they’re not in Southport (as I thought) but somewhere called Formby. Named after the 30s comedian, no doubt. Kev is a Darlo fan I know from our London days and when I make the offer to pick him up in Ashton, he promises he was going to the game anyway. Company might be good on a night like tonite.

Darlo are in dire straits, on to their 3rd manager of the season. However, an injury time winner in a crucial 6 pointer at fellow strugglers Kings Lynn on Satdy offers hope, however little. Southport are 5th off bottom and 4 go down. Darlo, 7 points behind, but a game in hand, are 3 places behind. The scene is set.

We follow the satnav, via a housing estate (Kev may have called a right turn a bit early) and on the edge of Southport we glimpse the floodlights and empty yellow seats of the main stand. Is that a pub? Indeed it is. I pull in. We can always walk to the ground from here. A pint later, I decide we are NOT walking from here. This is a match in the 6th tier of English football in front of a few hundred diehards. Surely I can find somewhere closer. I end up parked on a grassy roundabout in a street 100 yards from the ground. Perfect, though I wouldn’t have dreamed of parking there were there not other cars already intruding upon the green.

We’ve already got our tickets. Kev has done his homework. They’re 150 pence cheaper in advance, and they’re on his phone. Away fans have an open terrace behind the goal and part of the Main Stand. It’s far too cold to be sitting...and far too cold to be standing, come to think. The crowd is sparse, the greatest concentration under cover behind the home goal, huddling together like penguins. To our left, a few lone Spheniscidae (penguins) dot themselves around. Perhaps they don’t like company. Or warmth.

My left foot is numb by the game’s end, but the temperature gives me something to think about other than how appalling Darlo are this season. Tonite, outside of the craziest goalmouth scramble I’ve ever seen, Darlo create...nothing. Yet it’s still an improvement on their bottom 2 draw I saw the other month with Gloucester. Could be worse, I thought, I could be hungry. A fan near me returns to his spot after foraging for food. ‘They’ve only got coffee!’

Southport win it, with two goals from rebounds. Time stands still for the first, as a slow motion scuff arcs onto the bar with two defenders and the keeper staring. The ball returns to a startled forward (who should’ve bagged the 1st effort) and he bobbles it in with his studs. That’s about 20 minutes in. The killer, 5 mins or so from time, is a 35 yard free kick which rebounds straight into the path of the same forward. The same defenders were probably still staring, transfixed. We all agree Darlo can start planning for the Northern Premier League now. And I’m freezing. Can I go home now?

The Damage:
£13.50 ent
= £13.50

Do they even do programmes? I never saw one.