Aston Villa 3-1 BFC, Saturday 20th January 2018

‘If tha’ can fit tha’ in thee'er, tha’s gorra big un’

Welcome to ....

After last week’s promising shut out against the Wolves, it was time for me to make my 1^st ever visit to Villa Park to see the Super Reds (and only games against the Super Reds count, Reedy says so).  I tried to be optimistic: Villa hadn’t beaten us at Villa Park since before I was born.  But the head said we were in for beating, and so it proved.

A miserable day in Brum (aren't they all?)

We got to Birmingham. It was sleeting, it was snowing, it was miserable. No worries – we had tickets for the front row. S***. I hate sitting low down, nevermind the front row.  Luckily, our seats were so appalling (past the corner flag) that Andy and I could stand up without upsetting anyone behind.  This was great, as it also afforded a top view of all the stewards who stood in our eyeline.  Our reputation precedes us.

It's ok, I don't wanna see the goal.

Still, plenty of space in the upper tier (though we couldn’t find a staircase).  After going one down in 2 mins (a low cross at the far end bundled in by £15m Hogan) I asked a steward if we could go in the upper tier to, like, see the game.  No, this wouldn’t be possible.  Even worse, I’d missed a 2^nd Villa goal.  7 mins in and the game is over.  Perhaps a poor view might be for the best.  How many are Villa going to rack up?  Fortunately, Villa showed a replay endless times on their big screens.  What’s Davies doing?  I dunno, but he’s not flying off his line and punching it clear, that’s for certain.

The teams come out.

As we set ourselves for a pounding, up the pitch we go and a 1^st sight of new deadball specialist Stevie Mallan.  He whips the corner in right footed from the right and Cavare bangs it in with his head.  Goal crazy!  Funny, we don’t get a replay of THAT goal.  (Fine, it’s Villa’s prerogative; but if I was a Villa fan, I’d want to see the goals we score AND concede.  Perhaps Villa fans don't mind being patronised.)  Villa fans in the North lower also occasionally serenade us with ‘You’ve only come to see the Villa’, an arrogance that always seems to beset these ‘big’ teams lowering themselves to our level.  Yes, I think, that’s why I’ve seen you maybe 4 times in my life.  I love watching Villa.

Mallan whips in the corner for our goal.

To be honest, the goal is completely against the run of play, as Villa continue to carve us open like the turkeys we are.  Grealish (I think) runs between 2 or 3 defenders and lays the ball off for an easy sidefoot for Hourihane.  3-1 and 20 mins in. If this goes on, we’ll concede 10.  Somehow, despite Villa’s superiority, they fail to add another before half time and we trundle off, grateful for 3-1 and a feeling we might yet avoid a proper hiding.

Villa North Stand ultras.

Hecky decided to change it at half time, Hammill on for McCarthy.  The experiment of 5 at the back and a midfield triumvirate of Potts, Mallan and Moncur being a dead loss.  This, despite one eternal Reds fan in the bogs pre-match declaring it a bold and exciting decision.  These optimists.  They really get me.  Straightaway we look a better team, and aside from a Hogan effort off the post (again, against the run of play) we run the half without ever looking like scoring.  And as Andy pointed out, the match is still in the other half of the field, so we can still see FA.

The Reds' contingent.

I have a vague recollection Bradshaw had a shot saved, but I know the closest we came.  New signing Moore cuts inside from the left, beats one player…maybe two (it’s a long way away) and now is in front of goal, I’m guessing 10 yards out…and he blazes over with his right. He’ll fit right in here.  Despite the pressure, I don’t think we ever really looked like scoring, though Villa did survive one penalty appeal (from A. Reed) as one of our guys got chopped.  Turned out to be a free kick about 30 yards from goal.

A packed Holte End.  You've only come to see the Barnsley.

*** No idea.  Honestly, I don’t feel qualified to have an opinion.  Worst view in a long time.** Cavare.  Scored.  Though I didn’t think much of his defending.* Mallan.  Set a goal up and looked dangerous on set pieces.

Londontykes' MOTM:  1. Hammill  2. Mallan  3= Cavare/No-one

Despatches:
I like coming to Birmingham. Makes me feel superior.  But we did do well on pubs today, calling at a café-bar (‘Cherry Red’?) with a range of draft and the Victoria Theatre Bar, with a pint of some local unfiltered.  We don’t do Brewdogs. Corporate bullies. 

Oh, and Andy got a touch of the match ball, cleared our way at one point.  It reminded me, I've never touched the ball during a game in more than 35 years of spectating.

Onwards and upwards!
Drink du jour: 
In a throwback to the 80s (Birmingham?) I enjoyed a game of 3-2-1. 3 pints of Schneiderweiss at the Cherry pre-match, 2 Longhorn IPA unfiltered at the Victoria, and a pint of Weihanstephaner at the Euston Tap (which has been refurbished upstairs since Andy and I’s last argument).  

Away: c1500.  Decent, if unspectacular atmosphere.
The Damage:
£13 train
£30 ent
= £43
Programmes? Never saw one on sale.  Their loss.

The Tunes:
Transformer (Lou Reed)
Sound of Water (St. Etienne)
Skywriting (The Field Mice)

Villa v Barnsley panorama

Trinity Road, pre-match.

Pre-match in the Cherry Red.

No, thank YOU.

BFC 0-3 Aston Villa, Saturday 16th September 2017

‘If you lived in Brazil, you’d be dead by now’

Welcome to....

The more seasons change, the more things remain the same.  (Away) shirts in my size sold out?  Check.  Hand dryers in East Stand still p*** poor?  Check.  A gazillion new signings for me to make a snap judgement on?  Check. A Londontyke making ridiculous pre-match bets?  Check. (Slacki putting on a Palace/Reds double.  Neither came in.)  A dodgy pen given against us?  Check.  Welcome back!  After a summer of traipsing around Europe watching 23 matches of teams I couldn’t really give a s*** about, it was great to finally see the Super Reds.  And it wouldn’t be the same if we (I) didn’t start our season in imperiously losing form.  Christ, I wish I was still on holiday.

The Sky lorries come to t'well.

Course, it was destined to be.  We were playing the Villa, a side we’ve not beaten at home in a 130 years of trying.  130?  Yes, it’s that well known landmark anniversary wot everyone celebrates: 130 years since we were formed, or sumfing.  130?  My God.  We were promised a fleet of legends pre-match, and we got ‘em: Paul Cross and Colin Walker.  I just dreaded one of them being Brooce Dire (actually, later I was told he DID come out – with Sir Bobby, AKA ‘The God Squad’ but Salisbury must have been tipped off about an impending pitch invasion by Annoyed of Peckham, cos I missed it, as Salisbury came up to chat and drop off Wembley tickets.)

Former Reds' legends...and Paul Cross.

Oh, and while I’m at it, a 500 pence programme.  WTF?  I asked my dad if he ever thought he would live to see the day we’d be charging a fiver for a programme at Oakwell.  ‘No.’  130 pages we were promised too (see what they did there?) but was I the only one thinking that in a programme based on a multiple of 4 pages, this was impossible.  (OK, yes I was; I presume the programme must have been 128 pages or 132, unless it was stapled differently to norm.)  Still, I was amused to think that arch BFC programme collector P. Waddington, of Penistone, had turned down my offer of purchasing one for him, only for him to get to Oakwell and find them sold out.  (He nabbed one later for £7.68 on ebay.  Irritatingly, we actually had a spare ourselves as Phil got his beak involved and thus 2 were bought for a P. Ompey).  Oh well. 

The banner toured the ground pre-match.

Another annual event is also my missing out on the pub pre-match on my opening game.  As the years go by, I’ve noticed a trend: my dad always has his birthday on the last day of August, and as such, I feel duty-bound to treat him to a meal.  So it was that we found ourselves at Cannon Hall farm having dinner amongst dozens of little kids.  It seems Peppa Pig and George (whothef*** is ‘George’?) were visiting.  It was pram central.  The food was pretty s*** as well.  Though I had a wry smile that the toilets of ‘The White Bull’ (that’s the name of its ’restaurant’) were labelled ‘bulls’ (men) and ‘heifers’ (ladies).  I’ve seen a few heifers over the years in Barnsley, I thought.

The sides meet 'n' greet.

So, onto the match.  A traditional 5:30pm KO, to suit the global audience wot were surely tuning in.  Boy, I bet the X Factor’s viewing figures took a hammering tonite.  (If it wasn’t/isn’t on, forgive me, I haven’t seen Satdy evening telly in 20 years.  It’s still s***, right?)  So, yeah, there was this big team rocking into town to take on village misfits Aston Vanilla (what do you get if you cross a….oh, nevermind).  Hurrah!  We’d finally see a player of class and distinction – Conor Hourihane.  But, luckily, Villa haven’t yet found a way of utilising him efficiently, so he pretty much stood around in what I’d call the deep lying Jacob Mellis position, generally doing Sweet FA.  And after struggling to get out of our half for the first 10 mins, there was only one team in it: us.

Aston 'we always fill our end' Villa.

Barnes, Hamiill and McCarthy all whipped in great crosses.  One pullback resulted in an airshot (I’d love to blame Moncur, cos I think he’s s***, but truth is I’ve no idea who swung and missed).  A majestic chest control and volleyed cross by Hammill landed virtually under the bar.  Still not a Red in sight.  And did we really head wide from 4 yards off a corner?  Looked like one Barnsley player challenging another.  In the middle of all this, Bradshaw (our one centre forward) was strangely anonymous, never where the ball was landing.  Then the inevitable…Villa score from their only two visits into our half, both calamities of our own undoing.

The camera gantry on the old Main Stand.

McCarthy and Adomah chase down a Villa throughball; McCarthy is patently being stripped for pace, but fear not!  Davies comes hurtling out of his goal and for a split second appears favourite to gather – only he doesn’t and it somehow goes through him.  Adomah is left with a tap-in.  Whyohwhyohwhy do we have to work so hard for a snifter of an opportunity, while we just GIVE the opposition goals?  Then, a minute or two before half time, a ball over the top is stared at by one of our defenders, while Davis runs onto it for Villa.  Jackson makes a fabulous challenge, putting the ball out for a corner with his studs. The linesman starts flagging like mad.  He’s a bit excited for a corner, I reckon.  But no!  He’s given a penalty.  I guess he had to get spotted somehow, bless.  Adomah fires home, high into the net.  

Another dodgy pen against us despatched.

We are properly up against it now and Hecky goes all radical, bringing on not one, but two subs (I guess it would be harsh on Moncur to drag him off alone; it wasn’t ALL his fault).  Ugg-boots and Hedges on for Moncur and Barnes, we’re going 4-4-2 instead of Bradshaw on his own up front.  Result?  Well, to cut a boring story short, Villa score 9 mins in with  free header and coast to victory, with Uggy missing 2 glorious chances to score (but at least he moves to get into these positions; Bradshaw was virtually statuesque).

*** Hamill.  It’s difficult to put my finger on it, but he looked our biggest threat, till Uggy late on.  The chest and volleyed cross, 1^st half, was sublime.  Not his best game, but still the best we have. 

** Potts.  1^st half in particular, he won balls, was prepared to bring the ball forward and brought others into the game.

* McCarthy.  Defends well and gets up to help the attack.  Reminds me a little of Bree, ironically (considering we were playing Villa, though Bree was out).

Twitter MOTM: Williams

Londontykes' MOTM: 1. Hamill 2. Williams 3. McCarthy

Sun setting over our chances.

Despatches:

What is it with Villa and Brum fans?  When they’re not dragging out ‘Villa…Villa…Villa….’ (‘F*** off, f*** off, f***’ retorted the Ponty and that was the end of that) or that End of the Road dirge (Brum), they only sing about each other.  Perhaps if they got behind their teams, their sides wouldn’t be so bad.  Though why Aston fans think I’ve only come to see the Villa, god knows.  Still, nice touch of them to get their cameraphones out along with the Reds support in homage to terminally-ill Reds owner Patrick Cryne.  Please BFC, don’t get relegated before he bites the big one.
Players?  I couldn’t quite see what the excitement was regarding Williams.  I thought the game passed him by, so Twitter MOTM, obvs.  Bradshaw looked lost on his own, and second fiddle to Uggy when he wasn’t.  Had the presence of Sam Winnall, without the goals.  Uggy looked lively – shame he’s not ours.  The centre halves looked alright (Jackson/Partick Thistle bloke) apart from going AWOL for #3.  Potts looked excellent too, certainly a presence at 6 foot odd, blond and centre mid.  Barnes had a couple of good runs, and more’s the point (compared to Ryan Kent) whipped a couple of good crosses in.  So he was subbed at half time.  Davies caught and saved perfectly, but continues to be capable of the crucial blunder.  A poor man’s Luke Steele.  And Thiam’s only input was to outrageously flick a ball to their player with his 1^st touch.  Learn to do the simple things, idiot, and the rest will follow.  Thereafter did a passable interpretation of Brendan O’Connell (without the skill).
Anyone for Wolverhampton next week?

Onwards and upwards!

Drink du jour: A couple of lagers pre-match, including some p*** poor Yorkshire watter (Saltire?) and Jack and coke on the homeward bound.  Well, at least the train journey is worth coming for.
Crowd: 14,643 (3,268 away - looked more)

The Damage:
£23.70 train
£5 prog
£2 zine
= £30.70

The Tunes:

Big Balloon (Dutch Uncles)
Biggest Bluest Hifi (Camera Obscura)

Villa H panorama

Little's changed since May in the town centre.

Aston Villa 0-0 Crystal Palace, Thursday 1st January 2015 (Barclaycard Premiership), att. 29,047

Well, you can try...

Off to Villa today, ground #81 of the current league pile. Somehow, I've managed to avoid it till now, partly (mainly) due to it being one of two away games I missed during Barnsley's Premiership season. (We won. I should have missed more.)

£12 return to Brum by train too, proving it IS possible to charge folk reasonable rail fares AND stay in business. Naturally, this was via the slower Chiltern line and had nothing whatsoever to do with Virgin (ba5tards).

Holte End car park including big screen with big match preview.  Nice touch.

I'd always fancied visiting Villa Park even though I'm finding it hard not to dislike Villa, the team. What do they DO, apart from hang around the Premiership, taking up a space?  They're the modern-day Coventry City, though at least they won the FA Cup.  Villa must be one of the most pointless clubs in the land, an underachieving side from an underachieving city.  Apparently they once won the European Cup, but since all football began with the Premiership, I guess we'll have to erase that one.

I arrived at Moor Street station and made my way through the Bullring shopping arcade to the perennial building site that is New Street station, for a train to Aston. Being New Year's Day, they were only one every half hour.  I should have been warned for later.

At Aston, I followed the crowd.  I had an hour to spare but fancied a wander around the stadium rather than a pint. Good job - later experience proved it's very difficult getting into any of the local pubs.

If ever the back of a football stand summed up Birmingham...

I picked up my ticket from the Trinity Road ticket office, and efficient service it was too, everyone's tickets divvied up alphabetically.  (You can tell I'm not used to this.)  Welcome to the Premiership! After mucho photo taking I headed into the stadium.  The gentleman's called.

I'd plumped for the North Stand upper, mainly cos I'm a tight sod.  £27 (compared to £35 in the Holte Upper - why?)  One good thing about Villa's website is that it showed you the view from that particular part of the ground, which is why I didn't go lower tier.  And you can pick your actual seat, so I bagged a lone chair near the front of the upper tier, smack behind the goal.  Sadly, Villa are one of these teams who put away fans at the side, partly to diminish their noise, partly to rob them of even more money by charging them increased prices.  My dislike of Villa is increasing.

The Palace contingent, upstairs and down.  

It's been a while since I'd seen a Premiership game.  Must be at least 4 years (Arsenal v Spurs?).  So I was excited to see what the fuss is about.  And in Villa's case I'll tell you: play as slowly as possible, take few risks, never take a player on and never kick the ball forward when you can kick it backwards or square.  They really are the most tedious side I've seen in a long time.  And you;d be amazed how many times a side can f*** up a square ball, finding touch.  Their entire game can be summed up in one player (actually, more than one, but I'll pick on this one), Tom Cleverly.  What a one-paced nonentity this bloke is.  Didn't he used to play for England?  Well, only cos he played for Man U.  I presume the other players made him look good.

Now, Paul Lambert isn't very popular in our house, since Villa nicked him from Norwich, but I think Norwich got the better end of this deal.  As one Villa fan summed up the 1st half, 'F*** off Lambert you bore draw f***ing specialist.'  I later learned no-one in the league had scored less than Villa. Why am I not surprised?

Premiership superstars take to the pitch.

Cleverly was dragged off after 64 minutes, by which time I was enjoying watching him, in a perverse sort of way.  Which is how I felt about Villa as the game dragged on.  The last thing I needed was for them to spoil a perfectly awful display by scoring a goal.  A late free kick and a couple of scrambles from corners gave them that chance, but it wasn't to be.  A flying save from the free kick, a defender's block and the left back blazing over from 10 yards.  Those and Alan Hutton having a close range effort charged down by Speroni in the 1st half were the sum of it. Sounds better than it was to be honest.

Looking towards the Holte End.

As for Palace, while they didn't have much possession, at least they tried to do something with it when they did.  With Bolasie, Zaha and (later) Gayle, a fast break was the order of the day and Bolasie should have profited when Villa's defence disappeared and he ran unchallenged from his own half before cracking his shot off the bar.  I've seen him enough times now to realise that however dangerous he looks, if he had composure, he wouldn't be playing for Palace.

As for their fans, while Villa's were virtually mute, dividing Palace between tiers didn't help the away atmosphere.  After a promising start, the game, the home fans, the rain, the city...took hold and few could be bothered, save for a rousing 'You're ground's too big for you' after the attendance was announced (12,000 spare seats).  They're a big club doncha know!

Good use of club colours

After the match, I got to Aston station to find the next train wasn't for 25 minutes.  New Year's Day, Sunday service.  Rather than wait in the p***ing rain, I thought I'd go find a pint and catch a later train.  There was a pub over the road (Swan and Mitre).  No I don't have a pass.  Business must be good if they can turn it down, though the advertising board offering its leasehold suggested otherwise.  'Is there another pub nearby?'  'Yes, up the hill and past the lights.  5 minutes.'  The Villa Tavern (?) was indeed open...but locked.  Another half empty pub turning down business cos you don't happen to be a Villa fan.  This is s***.  I walked back to the station and found myself in a QUEUE to get back in.  Balls, I'm now gonna miss this train and now have half an hour to wait.  So much for my impatience.  Thankfully, they let us in as the train arrived.  I even got a chair.  Home Jeeves!

As for a trip to Villa Park, it's a great stadium sadly wasted on the Villa.  Perhaps you can try and get a ticket for when Villa aren't playing, like a cup semi.  Oh.  Otherwise, do what everyone else does and wait till one of the Big 4 come to town and actually fill the place (nearly).

North Stand lower, fairly busy (the cheap seats)

The Damage:
£14 travel
£29 ent (inc. £2 booking fee)
£3 programme
£2 fanzine (Heroes and Villans one-off special; excellent)
£6.60 pie and a pint

The Tunes:
It's Album Time (Todd Terje)
St. Vincent (St. Vincent)
Just for a Day (Slowdive)
Sheet One (Plastikman) - repetitive beats at their finest
Tales of Ephidrina (The Future Sound of London)
Loveless (My Bloody Valentine)

The match highlight...fans trying to land the ball on the target at HT.

Great idea, zero takers.

Villa have so many club shops they don't even open 'em all

The grand facade of the Holte End.

I didn't know the Trinity Road Stand actually goes over...Trinity Road (?)

Angles at the Villa: Trinity Road and Holte End

For them who don't know the history of the Villa.  Like me, for one.

The massive Trinity Road Stand.  It's massive.

Angles at the Villa: Doug Ellis and the North Stand

Doug Ellis Stand

Season's greetings to you all!