Crewe Alexandra 1-3 BFC, Sunday 6th January 2020

‘Change at Crewe?  No, I’d like my change now please.’

Welcome to ...

Woo hoo!  We’re in the 4^th round draw for the first time since…well, since whenever that year was when we were gubbed at Man City.  And didn’t we do it in style, scoring three and winning handsomely?  Well, not quite.  Brown cracked one in on the half volley after 2 minutes from 20 yards and it looked like we’d run riot.  So we sat back, took it easy, never looked like wanting another goal (though Crewe were there for the taking) and got our rewards 3 mins into the second half when our defence wasted half a dozen chances to clear before they prod in.  Why don’t we play with centre halves?

Alexandra Stadium, from the nearby railway bridge.

Mind, it wasn’t like Crewe hadn’t had their chances.  Half an hour in or so, they blazed one over from close range while two Reds players lay injured in their half.  Course, our fans moaned it was unsporting, but I had no qualms about it.  The players lived.  Earlier, and I don’t say this lightly, we’d been saved TWICE with unbelievable last ditch interceptions from Diaby, including one where he got the faintest of touches to the ball, which meant they didn’t.  (Before I get carried away, check out where he is for their goal.  He’s funny.)

Teams don't do this enough anymore (tho it's out of date).

Thankfully, their goal was the kick up the proverbial we needed, and they never threatened again.  Odour fooled everyone by crashing a free kick off the bar instead of crossing before we enjoyed a lucky break; the linesman didn’t spot Thomas coming back from an offside position to collect the ball and switch it the left.  A foul, a free kick won, and the resultant cross was headed back across by Diaby (him again) for Chaplin to nip in with the header.  ‘He’s just a goal machine’ sang Girls Aloud.  

Charlton Athletic?  Pride of Cheshire?  Really?

Then, in the last minute, with their keeper Jasskelainen (sound familiar?) up the pitch for a corner, we score one of the strangest goals I’ve ever seen.  Dougall hoofs up a clearance and it’s a straight race between Thomas and their bloke.  Thomas wins a 70 yard sprint (I knew there was a reason Strudel hadn’t subbed him off) and taps home.  I dunno if TV shows this, but if you see a bloke in a red coat behind the goal, chuntering on to a steward having collected the Londontykes flag, that’s me.  So I had a unique view of Thomas bearing down on goal, with the rest of our collective side-on to the pitch.

Keep Saturday 23^rd May free!

Onwards and upwards!

The flag had a stand to itself.

*** Brown.  Why not?  Led the line well, got about 4 shots off (needs to hit the target more often tho) and bagged a cracker. 

** Diaby.  Go on then, just to make myself laugh.  Saved two certain goals.

* Chaplin.  Ran about and did notch.

Londontykes' MOTM: 1. Brown 2. Oduor 3. Diaby

Despatches:
To be truthful, there was barely a decent individual performance on show, which makes me very positive about our chances next season when we’re playing Crewe in division 3.  Finally, we play BADLY and WIN. 

I enjoyed a lively chat at half-time, as, having seen off one of Kempy’s crew(e), I find myself debating with an idiot a longstanding supporter with a different opinion to me, who was explaining that what we need is an experienced player to partner Diaby.  Once I’d stopped laughing, I told him otherwise, but who’s this to settle the argument?  Reedy rocks up and I ask him who’d he’d rather see partnered up with a decent centre half, Mads or Diaby?  ‘Neither’ he says, and walks off.  I like that man’s style.  And opinion.

The Reds hordes.

Drink du jour: Leffe on the 3 hour train jouney there, one measly pint of Krombacher Weizen in a craft beer place we walked past 5 pubs to get to in Crewe, and Stella bought from the station bar for the journey back. 

Away: 1,141

The Damage:
£11.50 train
£15 ent
= £26.50

Programme?  Never saw any on sale.  Another club unwilling to make money out of me.

The Tunes:
Ghosteen (Nick Cave)
She Hangs Brightly (Mazzy Star)
So Tonight That I Might See (Mazzy Star)

Crewe Alex panorama

Outside the stadium, pre-match.

A less than roaring trade at the box office.

The away turnstiles.

Entering the arena.

The teams line up.

What's a monkey doing there?  Bring cheeky?

The Londontykes' Flag Stand.

Crewe flags out in force.

Looking towards the home end at half-time.

That is an impressive stand.

Reds Reds Reds!!!

Inside the away stand.

Alexandra Stadium.

Mansfield Town 3-0 Crewe Alexandra, Saturday 7th January 2017

Mansfield Town 3-0 Crewe Alexandra (att. 3,040)

Welcome to ....

Almost into the home straight now, only half a dozen grounds or so to go of the 92. An unkind FA Cup draw to a southerly based Barnsley fan offered the opportunity to go someplace new. And who doesn’t want to visit Mansfield at least once in their lifetime? Even better, I was to be joined by a couple of other Reds fans who are in the process of completing their own 92.

No Through Road

I spent the journey up from London trying not to be worried by the sight of fog over the English countryside. After all, a couple of Championship matches were hit last week and I can’t imagine the Field Mill floodlights piercing the gloom too much. Luckily, it wasn’t an issue; the match was ON.
There’s no point in giving you directions to the ground – if you arrive by train you CAN’T MISS IT. Especially if the floodlights are on. The railway track overlooks the town and there’s the ground, directly to your right. Unless you come from Worksop, in which case it’s on the left. But no-one comes from Worksop, do they?

The Ian Greaves Stand, towering over town.

I arrived early, so had a nose around town. For a football ground who previously had the claim of being ‘league ground furthest from a railway station’ (the station re-opened in 1995) I was rather surprised to find a rail viaduct cutting right through the town centre. Talk about rubbing your snout in it for years, largest town in England without a railway station (I looked that one up).

See what I mean?

I strolled to the One Call Stadium, somehow managing to turn down a dead end street which led to the back of the disused, dilapidated and condemned Bishop Street Stand. I walked around the Quarry Lane End to find another fascinating gem: the stadium claims to be the oldest professional football ground in the world. Who knew? Certainly not I, and certainly not my match buddies. All a little disingenuous when one considers Mansfield Town weren’t formed till 1897. But a little piece of history nonetheless.

'The oldest professional football ground in the world'

Tickets were purchased – the Ian Greaves Stand, lower tier. I’d been looking forward to going upstairs an’ all. Mansfield have 2 small, modern stands at either end, holding the best part of 2,000 each, while the Ian Greaves towers over them. I’d also considered that when (if?) the match got a bit dull, I could stare over the rest of Mansfield from my lofty perch. No such luck; my mate is not the healthiest and wanted to avoid stairs. I shouldn’t grumble.

Pre-match meet 'n' greet

After a look in the club shop (small and perfectly formed, rather than the rough and ready with pots of old programmes that I’d hoped for) we headed for the social club in the main stand. And what a place! Positively palatial, with comfy booths, big screens, hot food at one end and a large bar. Also, coming soon, were various musical tribute acts, and while Green Date (Day) could do with improving their name, respect to Oasish. Genius!

The OTHER club shop.

We had a good chat with the mascot’s dad (tho’ a Dirty Leeds fan, he seemed alright really). He looked about 25 and when I said he looked far too young to have kids, he said his daughter was 17. Must be something in the water in this part of Nottinghamshire.

Despite an array of seats being available, we stuck to the ones assigned – which turned out to be behind the away dugout. So, we could see ex-Barnsley legend Steve Davis, who was as unlucky as they come in being a key part of the side who took the Super Reds up to the Premiership, but got a career-ending injury in doing so. And we could HEAR Steve Evans, the latest Mansfield manager. God, he shouts a lot. Even when things are going his way, he SHOUTS A LOT. Today, the Stags won 3-0 (2 scrambled efforts and a 15 yarder) and he still seemed perennially angry. I’d love to see him when they lose.

A HAPPY Steve Evans.

Sadly for Davis, the writing seems on the wall. I’ve never had Alex fans as the most lively of supporters, but a couple had brought their ‘Davis Out’ sheet with them, on the offchance of another defeat. Good to see their hard work was worth it.

Davis Out!

I really enjoyed my visit to Mansfield. I’d go again. A pity that barely 3,000 agreed with me.

The Damage:£20 Ent£3 steak pie£7 beers= £30

THIS is how you eat a pie.

The Road To Nowhere.

Back of the home end.

Come On You Stags!

One fan gets his ticket.

Back of the Ian Greaves Stand.

The gantry on the Bishop Street Stand.

The away bench.

Underneath the stand; divided off so no wandering upstairs!

The unbearable sadness of a closed exit.

The away end.

Is it a bird? Is it a plane?

The world's largest scoreboard.

Yellows! Yellows!

Half time at Field Mill.

Goodbye Mansfield!

BFC 1-2 Crewe Alexandra, Saturday 11th October 2015

‘I’ve slept with a horse’ (Andy’s mum)

Defeat this way.

Wow.  You all saw it.  80% of the match was attack v defence and we lost.  The second half, they made it into our half twice, managed a shot on target with one and scored with the other.  We are rubbish.  Johnson plays 4-5-1 (again) like we’re trying to hold Barcelona to a draw in the Camp Nou, yet we’re playing at home to a side at the bottom of division 3 (so I’m told, I haven’t looked at the table since we last won).  Crewe were/are CRAP.  Granted, they play pretty football when they have the ball, but, my god, they are so weak in defence, you’d have to be proper s*** not to score half a dozen against them.  The left back and keeper are as bad as I’ve seen at professional level.  So how s*** must we be??????????????

They score (see below, under ‘hapless goalkeeping’), we realise we now need to score, and run up the pitch and equalise within a minute (it’s THAT easy!) before giving them a late winner.  That is all the synopsis you need.  Stop reading now.

Dunno where the ball is, but it's on the way into the net (Crewe free kick)

*** Pearson of Manchester United.   WTF is he doing at Oakwell?  After patronising us with his efforts last season, I’d hate to see him p*** away his career with a 2^nd stint at a clueless 3^rddivision football club.  Ben – find  a Championship club soon.  Or see your chances of a higher division career fritter away.  Just saying.  Countless interceptions, countless breakdowns of opposition moves.  Then has the temerity to pass to a player wearing red.  So many times, I wish he’d just keep hold of it and dribble it till he lost it, cos passing it to a Barnsley player is only delaying the inevitable.  Twitter MOTM.  Even the technologically-savvy youngsters (for once)  - Loko? - recognise he’s the best player on the park.  By a country mile.  And some more.

** Harris of Cardiff City.  Everything you love in a winger.  Beats players, whips the ball in, is ignored by the rest of the team and is substituted.  Will be playing Championship football before we will.

* Mawson.  Decent game, won headers, read the game well…and I can see why he’s captain – is willing to tell others what to do, eg, we had a free kick wide right, Wubara injured, he called back Scowen to hoof it while he went up top.  I know, small details…but small details win games (not today, granted)  Oh, and he scored a soft header from a corner.

Londontykes' Top 3:
1. Pearson

2. Harris

3. Mawson

The Cost Cutting Clean Cut Crewe Crew (CCCCCC)

Despatches:
One must start with the keeper, that free transfer from Brum whose name escapes me right now (Townsend…I remembered it at the end of the paragraph).  The absolute highlight of my match was in injury time when he trotted up for a corner and I turned to my dad and wondered ‘whether he’d be as sh*t up front as he is in goal’ and he paid me back in spadefuls, as the ball dropped deliciously for him just inside the box and he swung and missed.  I’m sure he conceded 2 goals from their one decent effort, tho Andy swears they had 5 shots on target (official stats)  The 1^st goal, he lined up the wall, covered the gap to one side, then moved right behind the wall while their bloke blasted in to the gap he just left.  I’m reminded of the Rocky Horror Picture Show (I think)…’It’s just a jump to the left right and then a step to the right left, put your hands on your hips'…etc.  Apparently, Mawson told him exactly what he thought.  I was just hoping the ball went through the wall, to save this hapless keeper AKA Teacher’s Pet, the ignominy of the concede.  But if there was a doubt, witness the 2^nd - a ball is crossed from the right and the only place their bloke can hit the target is the near post – where Townsend ISN’T.  I’ve just seen it on telly and there’s no doubt, this is abysmal goalkeeping.  (I’d previously been wondering whether Nyatanga wasn’t tight enough).  Since LJ dropped Davies for no apparent reason (after an OUTSTANDING 2^nd half of last season), I am at a loss to figure out how one can drop a bloke after a 1-2 loss (when neither goal was his fault) while sticking in an untried keeper who’s had at least 3 poor performances in 6 games (and the other 3 he had nowt to do).  Lee: word to the wise.  Your job is now in serious peril.  Do what you need to do, mate.  Or Cryne will.

Unbelievable (if we hadn't seen it all before)

F***, I wasted all that on the keeper.  And I’m quite chilled about him – have a word with Reedy or Slacki.  They come hundreds (ok, dozens) of miles to see that s*** and I have to make the return journey with them.  They’re not happy.

The rest?  Who cares?  But I am willing to offer a theory:  I reckon I could send a team out onto that pitch against ANYONE in division 3 and they’d do a better job than what they’re being told to do by LJ.  You send out a team containing Scowen, Pearson, Harris, Winnall, Nyatanga, Mawson…Hourihane (!)…and just tell them to go out and PLAY….go on, decide YOUR OWN POSITIONS, YOUR OWN FORMATIONS….and I dare them to come up with something worse than I am currently watching.  (Surely everyone knows their best positions??)  I am rapidly becoming of the opinion that our manager is HINDERING our players/team rather than helping them.  I said BEFORE the game that even I could manage us to 11^th in this league with our players…then we lose to a team rock bottom, who’ve scored 7 goals all season (my dad tells me…as I say, I haven’t stared at the table, too depressing).  Without naming said person here (cos this is being copied and pasted onto my blog), Andy Reed had a conversation this morn with the chairman of a 3^rd division side who said he was surprised that a side of Barnsley’s stature had taken on a manager whose track record was so sparse.  Does more need be said?  Crewe, Shrewsbury, Doncaster, Blackpool.  Remember – we have a top 4 budget. No excuses.

The match continues...but the locals have voted with their feet.

ok, I’ll give you the rest of the despatches:  Our players played some nice one touch football, especially the attacking players, yet Hourihane was a f***ing nightmare from the deadball, as anything inswinging never got past the 1^st defender (think Chris Shuker) while anything outswinging was meat and taties to the keeper (till injury time, when young Josh was allowed to take one).    There’s too many things wrong with this team but I’ve got 2 solutions rightaway:  If we insist on 4-5-1, and Ryan Williams is fit, get him in for Hourihane.  And if we DON’T insist on 4-5-1 – just bench Hourihane.  The one thing Johnson calls correctly is that Conor can’t play in a 4-4-2 – so drop the waste of space!

Winnall.  Apart from Townsend’s swing, my other highlight was when Winnall proved it’s easier to beat 2 players in the box than put a ball on target from 8 yards (my dad says 6).  Beat 2 players, then, with the goal gaping, put it wide.  If only he’d been just a little more s*** (or talented), Jacob (Marley) was on the backpost for a tap-in.  Sadly, the ‘effort’ was neither shot nor cross.

The Ponty

Drink du jour: ‘Show me the way to Ameretto’.  A story with a happy ending.  Returning to civilisation (via Doncaster) we find Tesco is no longer.  It’s now B&M (whatever the f*** THAT stands for).  Somehow, our choice of JD turns into ‘Ameretto’ but we recover to have one bottle of undrinkable sweet rubbish (the rest of the bottle is at Slacki’s house) or vodka.  Noticeably, the vodka runs out. One of us runs to Sainsbury to get ice.  

After The Captain commented earlier on my inability to fall asleep on the bus after a game this season …I fell asleep and was awoken by the bus driver in Honor Oak (where?)  Thankfully, the half hour walk home gave me the chance of a McFlurry (Smarties).  So t’was not all bad.  (99p, suckers!)

Away: 136.  I counted ‘em 1^st half (twice) and never got beyond 80.  Which means either I can’t count (probable) or nearly half their crowd hang out in the toilets or hotdog stand (possible).  The proverbial ‘you must have come in a taxi’, bless ‘em.  Went bananas at full time (bless ‘em).  The ‘Cost Cutting Clean Cut Crewe Crew’ (CCCCCC) must have really enjoyed their day out. If one hadn’t seen it all before at Oakwell, they must have really thought they’d got away with it bigstyle today.  Good luck to ‘em, I say.  Bless ‘em.