Accrington Stanley 1-1 BFC, Monday 26th December 2022

‘I’ll give yer a Mexican spanking wi’ mi’ hand.’

It’s nice to be worked up every now and again, and on Boxing Day, I was worked up. All morning I had the stress of wondering if I’d even get in. Having spent Xmas in Lichfield (at the outlaws), I’d left my match ticket in County Durham. And whilst BFC’s Twitter proclaimed no more away ticket sales, Stanley’s suggested I could at worst buy a ticket in the home end on the day. In the end, I needn’t have worried. Arriving early (knowing many Reds fans would have to pick up duplicates due to Royal Mail strikes), I put my case to a confused ticket office worker. He took my details…before telling me no problem…there’s still tickets left in the away end and they’ll go on sale 1:30pm. Why don’t BFC tell fans these things? Later, I stood in a queue with a couple of Reds fans from Blackpool who’d had to learn from Stanley that they could buy a ticket on the day.

I’d left Sarah in the car, before we pootled into town for a lively drink in The Stanley (how apt!). The town had plenty of pubs and the pubs had plenty of Barnsley in them. By 2, it was time to leave, as Sarah had more sense than to come and watch BFC – she was off to the cinema. I parked up in a backstreet near the stadium and squeezed into The Crown, a hostelry adjacent to the (Crown) Ground. It was rammed, but I didn’t care, it was warm. But all good things must come to an end and I was determined to get in vaguely early (ie, before kick-off) and bag a prime spot on the terrace. Come on you Reds!

Course, being as long ago as 10 minutes since I last paid a visit, I needed the loo. And what an experience the Accy loos are. 2 portacabins of 3 urinals and 2 toilets (and one toilet each for the ladies) for a terrace holding about 1500. You know you’re short of toilets when Reds fans are p***ing in the sinks BEFORE kick-off. Took me back to Blundell Park and Grimsby, one year, where fans couldn’t wait to get at the troughs and p***ed against the walls, floors swilling in it. Anyway, it wasn’t as bad as that, but it was bad. Almost as bad as the ref….

Seamless. What a link. Nobody noticed that one. The ref. Every week I find myself defending the ref against one-eyed Reds bias, but, without any other Londontyke to form a contrary opinion against, I found myself increasingly frustrated by this person in black. I have since looked at the BBC summary and it claims ’11-16’ on fouls. If that means they had 16 free kicks to our 11, I am convinced I watched a different game. Did I miscount 9 consecutive free kicks given to Accy, 1st half? EVERY SINGLE TIME a home player went to ground, it was a free kick. And that was her good half. (Did I mention the ref was female? Such a shame, as that encourages the usual comments, but proof even misogynists have a sense of humour as ‘we’re getting fined in the morning’ broke out amongst the away support, a reference to the £30k we’ve already been done for this season.)

Second half, and I write this 2 days later, these are the ‘decisions’ I remember: an Accy shot is blocked. Home fans appeal for a penalty for handball. It’s given. (I have yet to see a replay and the ball is at the other end, but I’m not sure what the defender – Cadden – could do about it.) The other ‘decisions’ are at our end. Cadden beats his man in the box and is shoved over. Ref gives a corner. (This is at 0-1.) It is either a penalty or a goalkick, but she does what refs do and consider a corner a ‘sop’ to both sets of fans.

Devante Cole is breaking into the box. At least he would be, were he not having a defender having hold of him with BOTH paws. Their player has hold of him for about 8 yards as he gets into the box before going down. Free kick at worst, penalty at best. And it’s on the linesman’s side. Not given. Later, Phillips turns the defender and if he could stay on his feet he’d be virtually clean through. But the linesman has flagged for a foul as the defender falls over Phillips leg. Listen, the defender GAMBLED and lost. He tried to get around Phillips and FAILED. I am verging on apoplectic now, with time running out. Still, the main official does more to get a decent atmosphere going than anyone in red, as injury time and beyond is consumed by an entire end and a half chanting ‘YOU’RE NOT FIT TO REFEREE’. I didn’t know what to think as I watched her trying to keep a brave face on as she left the pitch with her accomplices. (Misogynistic or not, you could tell she was trying to keep a hold on her emotions.) Either way, I’d like to think the chant erred on the side of the ref’s skillset rather than gender.

I know, I know. Cherry-picking a handful of decisions to prove a point. It’s what fans do, innit? But I was (internally) complaining during the first half, when we were winning, whilst arch refereeing critic Jonesy (in Corsica, watching on iplayer) felt she had a decent 45. I s’pose there’s nowt to moan about when you’re one up and cruising to an 8th consecutive victory, as we were. The Super Reds looked streets ahead of a Stanley side not much above the relegation zone. Kane pulled the strings in midfield and neat passes here and there pulled the home side all over the place. Defensively, they never got near our box, and we deservedly went ahead early as Norwood flicked in a header. That’s as many as 4 goals he’s scored this season. Almost worth the repeated the bursts from the yoof of ‘James Norwood’s on my mind and he’s Barnsley’s number 9’.

The ref’s equaliser, round about the hour mark, still provided plenty of time for us to go on to victory, but in truth, we looked winded. Still, great pen, buried hard to Collins’ right, while he dove left. Kane-esque (in the days before he blazed them high and cost England the chance of a World Cup semi, ho ho). Thereafter, the officials prevented our best moves (see earlier) save for Phillips running clean through. Problem was, he was running clean through treacle, and as defenders closed in, he sidefooted his effort straight at the keeper. Not quite the ‘couldn’t hit a barndoor’ I’ve been used to, but most definitely not the ‘5 goals in 6’ I’ve not. 2 points dropped. Cheers, ref.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Kane. Lovely little passes, running midfield.
** Andersen. Another clean sheet (ish). Best defender in this league?
* Norwood. Credit where it’s due. Held it up, brought players in, scored. Can’t last the full 90, but neither would I with that bod.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Kane 2. Andersen 3. Kitching

Despatches:
The atmosphere. I had a great view, back of the terrace, right behind the goal. I was also just to the left of ‘da yoof’ and fair play, they make some noise. But…and I’ve been to games where I thought I was imagining this….what is it with their attitude towards joining in chants that others start? I am convinced that they rarely join in with anything they don’t start themselves. And they only have 2 chants, the one proclaiming James Norwood to be ‘always on my mind’ (he’s often on my mind too, pretty much every time Adeboyejo scores ANOTHER goal for Burton). Then there’s this:

‘We’ve got super Michael Duffy
He knows exactly what we need
Mads at the back
Devante in attack
We’re gonna win the f***ing league’

It’s a great chant. Presumably stolen from some Premiership team or other, with a Reds themed verse supplanted (or am I being unfair on their collective braincells?) My only issue is this: we are not going to win the league with Devante Cole (or James Norwood, or both) in attack. Just saying.

I could also kill their idea of fashion too. At one point, I was stood within 2 metres of 8 pairs of Adidas (it may have been more, as it became crowded). Listen, kids, I wear Adidas. Go and get your own brand. Aren’t Sketchers for the kids? Who knows?

Oh, and I nearly forgot….Cadden broke clean through 2nd half, and drove it at the keeper. It’s ok tho, we’re one up and absolutely CRUISING. (We finish at 20-4 on shots.) What can go wrong? Let’s not blame the ref….

Drink du jour: Beavertown Neck Oil, at both The Stanley and The Crown.

Away: c.2000

Today’s take home: Happy Xmas!

The Damage:
£20 ent
£3 programme= £23

The Tunes:
BBC 6Music
BBC5Live
Lotta Sea Lice (Courtney Barnett and Kurt Vile)
London Conversations (The Best of St. Etienne)

Accrington Stanley 0-2 BFC, Saturday 17th November 2018

‘Where are you John?’

Welcome to ....

At last!  Just over 38 years since my first professional football match (Barnsley v Millwall, 1980), I’ve finally completed the 92.  And to celebrate, why not go in the exec box with Dave Wood, Oakwell historian supreme?  Of course, when in Accrington, one must do as an Oakwell historian does…so a few of us pootled to the old ground, Peel Park, the scene of Barnsley FC’s greatest (ok, biggest) ever away win, 9-0 in 1934.  There’s little to show of the old ground now, save for a bit of banking which may have terracing underneath, while the pitch is now a school playing field.  However, the Peel Park Hotel next door is still there and a cracker of a pub it is too, a traditional old boozer full of old photos and friendly locals willing to point you in the direction of another great pic.  While Dave and I headed to the ground, the others enjoyed a beer or 2 off the beaten track of the Barnsley hordes, 20 minutes walk away.

Once upon a time the scene of Accrington Stanley 0 Barnsley 9 (nine).

The Captain was supposed to have made it; the exec box ticket was his.  But once again he failed to make the train (never his fault; this week was the turn of a late bus or somesuch).  So I gave my terrace ticket to Anton, up from Brighton and quite fancying watching it from the away end rather than home terrace.  With a record breaking crowd of 4,801, and a sellout away end of 2,500, how many other Reds fans were in the home end?  I dunno, but half the exec area were away fans.  So much so the MC asked us if we’d celebrate respectfully if we scored.  (I did quite well the first time, but I failed miserably with the 2^nd, in injury time and us down to 10 men.)

Indeed!  The bar in the exec at half time.

I hadn’t realised I was also amongst royalty; bigknob Peter Ridsdale was there and the Accy Managing Director had come over to talk to Dave about the bits and bobs he’d helped put in the programme re: Accrington and Barnsley Pals’ Battalions in World War 1.  Jolly good show!  Less of a good show was my starter: mushrooms in a creamy sauce.  I passed mine on, but the 'mature' waitress was having none of it.  Back she came with another one and insisted I take it ‘cos someone else can have it.’ She didn’t quite understand that I just didn’t want the aroma under my nostrils.  Yes, Dave had a second.  

Tell me this looks appetising.

The main course was a lump of meat (possibly beef) with a side of carrot and potato mash with, yes, too much butter.  So I couldn’t eat all that either, and then, the piece de resistance, the dessert.  Dave said he’d seen chocolate cake, and while I gazed lovingly into his eyes and hung on every word he said…I somehow cut straight into my dessert, had a mouthful, and nearly spat the thing out. (Actually I did, into a tissue).  F***!!!!!!  It appears cheesecake really does contain cheese.  (I don’t think I’ve ever had it, being allergic to all things fromage.  But I can honestly say it was the worst dessert I have ever eaten.)  So, the food wasn’t a success, but let’s be generous and say it was down to personal taste.  At least the beer was £2 a pint (happy hour!) and another lady brought it direct to your table.

Definitely NOT chocolate cake.

Then it was onto the match.  We took our allotted positions, in the 4^th row, virtually on the halfway line.  Great for views of Daniel Stendal.  And if the Reds’ coach would sit down, I might be able to see the far goal too.  I still managed to see the debutant keeper look better than anything we own by tipping 2 early shots over before we broke, Kiefer Moore backheeled and Cauley Woodrow ran through to finish confidently.  As an aside, I realised later on he’s not really called Woodrow Wilson, as I’d been calling him all day.  It’s an easy mistake to make, mixing up your early 20^th century presidents with injury prone footballers.  And for anyone wondering why the hell he’s signed for us, Dave sez his dad’s from Rotherham.  He has a spreadsheet on such things (true).

Oi!  Daniel!  Move!

We hadn’t played well, but we were one up.  Sign of a good team.  Sign of an even better team is to have a man sent off and never, ever look in danger despite over half an hour to play.  Indeed, we looked dangerous on the break and often kept 3 men up even when THEY had the ball.  Talk about confidence / not being ar5ed to track back.  And we finally gained our reward when, in injury time, Potts broke forward, shot, and the keeper parried it up in the air for Moore to bundle home in front of the away end (there was also an away SIDE).  If you squint carefully, you can see Nozzer et al right behind the net.   

The teams come out in front of the away end.

All in all, a professional performance, despite the numerous bookings and sending off for Fryers.  Was that his 1^st league game back?  Shame as well, cos I thought he looked better than owt else we have at left back, but all the bookings were justified.  If we insist on kicking players up in the air, referees will insist on booking them.  The mild-mannered Mr Wood was mildly irritated though, complaining to a local about some challenge or other.  ‘When yer come t’this side o’Pennines, you have t’grow a pair.’ Indeed.

Onwards and upwards!
*** Moore.  Apart from winning everything in the air, holding balls up, and scoring, what surprises me is how easily he outpaces many defenders.  Did I mention he has skill too? 

** Jordan Smith.  Excellent debut in goal.  Aside from the 2 he tipped over, his best save was reaching backwards to tip a cross around the backpost for a corner.  He can even kick the ball properly.  Imagine.

* Potts.  Closer to his early season form, carrying the ball to the opposition and looking dangerous.

Londontykes' MOTM: 1. Moore  2. Jordan Smith  3. McGeehan

Cruising!

Despatches:
Had a debate with Dave about the relative merits of Lindsay.  He loves him.  So the next time I saw him was to see him turned on the edge of our box and giving the foul away.  Booked (for another challenge), but solid otherwise.  Pinnock was composed, but Accy didn’t threaten too much.  Cavare looked an improvement on late, while Mowatt was one of those being booked for lumping someone.  It’s fair to say I noticed McGeehan’s hair more than his football, while Thiam was…dragged off.  He’ll never be a footballer, etc.  I like Woodrow Wilson though.  Sacrificed for Pinillos after the sending off, he looks a strong lad and has composure.

AKA the home end.

Oh, and the taxi driver stuck some money on us in an accumulator and walked away with over £450 from a £16 bet (his tips that morn).  No, not on us WINNING, but on the number of BOOKINGS.  Maybe Fryers was on a cut?

The highlights kept on coming though, as on our journey back, a drunk Scouser woke up to find that a) he’d missed Birmingham and b) the train never went via Birmingham anyway.  Otherwise, we finally found out EFC stood for ‘Every f***ing c***’ and some people answer the phone to their missus with ‘Hi bitch!’  Each to their own.  I can’t remember the rap he did, but who else did he promise us?  David Bowie?  I can’t remember.  An entire carriage breathed a sigh of relief when I convinced him to get off at Watford Gap and switch trains.  He’s probably still there.

Full time.  Get in!

Drink du jour: Christ.  Ben brought beers for the train up, more beer in the exec, more beer in Preston waiting for the train, bottle of port for the journey…then onto Peckham for Soul Train and Red Stripe till 4 in the morning.  I was in a right state on Sunday, getting up at half 12, watching a bit of telly, having a sausage sarnie, then going back to bed at half 2.  38 years in the making that hangover.

And well done Accy, for putting a beer tent with band on outside the ground.  They sure made Reds fans welcome today. 

Away: 2,500

The Damage:
£44 train
£15 taxi
£35 ent (£20 discount)
£4 beer x 2 (happy hour)
£7.80 beer x 2 (non-happy hour)
free prog
free teamsheet
= £105.80

The Tunes:
Dirty (Sonic Youth)
Pretty Hate Machine (Nine Inch Nails)
Serial (Podcast)

Wham Stadium panorama

The Main Stand, with beer tent.

An interesting stadium addition.

Longside Reds.

That is one hell of a slope...

A gobsmackingly amazing throw-in.

The view from the exec.  Cosy.

Inside the exec (the teams have just come out for 2nd half).

The far side.

Home end.

Full time, everyone out.

Goodbye Stanley!

A great end to a great day...Soul Train, Peckham, the early hours.