BFC 0-2 Lincoln City, Monday 29th December 2025

‘She should have swallowed.’

My day today was this: Spent the morning driving round the Huddersfield suburbs with a flat tyre looking for an open garage; sitting in a cancer ward while Sarah gets chemo; went home and washed up (having to fill the basin twice, cos the water escaped the 1st time); going to see the Super Reds. You can imagine which brought least joy.

We were poor. Or, at least, Lincoln were a sight better than Mansfield. Was that why Darrell didn’t even rant at half-time as we stood a goal down? Or was it resignation? (It was certainly resignation at the end, as the few who stayed gave the most cursory of boos, nothing like Boxing Day.) Resignation. Again. Like under the dying days of Collins, of Clarke. Apathy is worse than anger, and judging by the gaps in the home end, there was plenty of apathy tonite. Even the drummer didn’t show up. Does he only do special occasions?

It’s all Caylan Vickers’ fault, Mansfield. So Coach Conor drops him and brings the GOAT into midfield, Watson replacing said GOAT at right back. It takes GOAT 8 minutes to play a ball behind his teammate to set up the Lincoln counter attack. One foul later and the free kick is swung in from the right. Do I remember this right? Was their guy on his own, 4 yards out, when he bangs the header past Cooper? Now, call me a traditionalist, but I expect a keeper to come and catch a ball that’s only 4 yards in front of him, especially when there’s no traffic to get through. Let’s hope TV doesn’t prove me otherwise, but I’d be willing to bet, when the free kick is taken, that Cooper is closer to where the ball lands than any other player. Get rid.

Do we manage an attack ourselves in that 1st half? Cleary has a shot that smacks a defender’s head. We also have a penalty claim, as the ball strikes an Impish hand. Yes, it could have been given, but really, we’re feeding off scraps. Lincoln have our measure; at one point they triple up on Cleary. They later do the same on Kelly. Do they ever bother marking Connell, Bland or Yoganathan? Not that I noticed.

Lincoln are extremely well organised, and that’s it. Every time we have possession, they have 8-10 men behind the ball. Usually 8 (2 banks of 4) before we knock it around sideways and it becomes 10. If ever we venture forward we are massively outnumbered. Well played Lincoln City. Unspectacular, but manage the basics...and I’m led to believe they’re 2nd in the table (I still refuse to look).

Half-time comes and Coach Conor bursts into action, subbing Yoga for Phillips. And he even lets Phillips have a couple of shots, though that doesn’t end well. About 2 minutes into the 2nd half he wastes what would prove to be our best chance, screwing a close range shot wide. (Later, he’s spotted at right back again. WTAF is our manager doing?) Other chances include...no, scrub that. Our only other chance is Kelly missing the same opportunity from a 37 year old’s beautiful cross. But the game had gone by then. 0-2 and into injury time.

And WHAT A STRIKE their second was. Shepherd heads a corner clear (I’m not putting this goal on the kitchen fitter). It falls from the sky to the edge of our box where former Fowl and Smog Monster Adam Reach rolls back the years to lash one in off the bar on the volley. Where’s our defensive midfield when you need ‘em? That ball took an age to come down and yet there still wasn’t a Barnsley player in sight. Oh well. I stood up and applauded, and plenty of others put their hands together (and not around Coach Conor’s neck).

I rather got the impression that had we scored a couple, Lincoln woulda gone and got 3, or 4. They looked like they played well within themselves and that gift of an early goal meant they just had to remain compact and let our mistakes do the talking. It was just all...too easy.

I’ve just had a text from the NNN (Nozzer News Network). He claims we are 2 pts above relegation. I refuse to look, and I refuse to believe him.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Earl. Couldn't really fault him. Won his headers. Found Reds players with the ball. Didn’t gift the opposition any goals.
** Kelly. We’re onto the default settings now. Made a few runs forward, but invariably outnumbered and toothless.
* Cleary. Had a shot and a couple of crosses. Most likely to create summat, but didn’t.

Official MOTM: Kelly (see earlier: ‘default settings’)

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Kelly 2. Cleary 3. Earl

Despatches:
Coach Conor’s 2nd half response? Sends on a Jalo for Watson, with the GOAT to right back. Then MdG for Roberts (injured? Hope so!) before sending on a pensioner in the 87th minute for the GOAT (and Phillips to right back). Still, at least he resists temptation to bring on Farrugia, but it’s not pretty. Still, you never see a goalless draw at Oakwell, do you!?

With nobody else wanting to go, I think I’ll give Wigan a miss, especially as there’s a tasty looking Stalybridge Celtic v Bury game on down the road. I still quite fancy Port Vale, but 3 Reds games in a week? I wouldn’t wish that on anybody right now.

Drink du jour: Tiny Rebel Clwb Tropicana at Heaven and Ale. Plus a roast turkey and stuffing sandwich and a few roasties. I was winning life at that point.

Away: 1,529 (10,711 - never). ‘Barnsley get battered everywhere they go....everywhere they go.’ Indeed.

The Damage:
c.£7 petrol
= c.£7

BFC 4-3 Lincoln City, Saturday 1st March 2025

‘We didn’t sign a striker. But it doesn’t matter Cos we’ve got Max Watters.’

Just over a week ago we were solid midtable, going nowhere fast. 8 days later, 3 wins in a row and we’ve given ourselves a chance of 8th. COYR! Today’s victory was an odd one. There were 7 goals but it was hardly a thriller. There was little jeopardy till the last 4 minutes, as we raced into a 3-0 and 4-1 lead before trying to give it away. Sorry, before Coach Clarke tried to give it away by hauling off the first team for the poorest bench in eons (one of whom actually scored!)

Yes, we were ahead within 12 minutes, as DKD darted inbetween two statuesque defenders to lob the keeper, himself stranded in no-mans land. Then, with the half hour up, we were away and cruising, as DKD played in Phillips to lash home, low. Honestly, what had happened to Lincoln? Last season, they came to Oakwell and tore us apart, 5-1. Now they looked on a par with Crawley Town.

Still, they had half-time to hope. Given our second half form this season, who didn’t expect us to collapse? Instead, their backline mess up and gift Georgie Gent on the backpost after good work from DKD and Humphreys. Georgie Gent! Finally paying off some of that 200k we spunked on him? Not so fast. An Impish ball to our backpost has Gent falling over himself and chesting it down for them to score. WTAF? If he wasn’t there, he’d have done a better job.

To be fair, the team tinkering had already begun. Why wouldn’t you start subbing players at two nil? Watters is on for Humphreys, while O’Keeffe was hauled for Lembikisa at half-time. The coup de grace is Benson for Beds (he’s seen enough of them) on for Phillips. Mind, all looks rosy again when Watters is played through on the halfway line. (Benson actually won the ball.) He strides forward to the edge of the box, bamboozles the defender, drops a shoulder, goes right, and drives the ball across the keeper into the far bottom corner. Absolutely superb.

Of course, the game is won now. Bob thinks it’s a chance to boost our goal difference. The coach thinks otherwise. Gent is off (injured). A chance for Conor Barrett to unimpress at right back, with Lembikisa to continue his awfulness on the opposite flank. Who are these people who think playing left back and right back are the same thing? Have they ever tried it? He also drags DKD for Rodrigues (‘the baguette munching Frenchman’). I am at least pleased for those who’ve never seen this bloke play before. Admit, it, you’ve forgotten what he was like already.

Within two minutes, the Imps make it 4-2. Barrett has yet to figure where he’s meant to be standing, and the ball is played into the space where a right wing back might normally be expected to be. An Imp runs onto it and leaves Earl for dead. Earl is running in treacle. He always is. Still, a smart finish from their player, burying it low off the far post. (I’ll get to the finishing later.)

With 6 mins (plus injury time) left, all the talk is whether we can throw this away, a la Ipshit all those years ago. I am weirdly confident. I must say though, I’m placing my faith in Lincoln’s inability rather than...

We are 2 minutes into the added time when Barrett inexplicably lets their player wriggle past him. PLEASE let this cameo be the first and last I see of this guy. He is TERRIBLE. (There’s a reason he can only sneak a rare place on the bench.) A mad scramble ends in the inevitable…a toe poke into our net...and FINALLY. Game on! Some jeopardy! Suddenly it’s all hands to the decks as a defence containing Barrett, Lembikisa, Earl and Roberts attempt to hang on, while all other outfielders are haring around like they CARE. And, if anything, we looked more likely to break and score. But we didn’t. Cos we’re still not good enough.

Onwards and upwards!

*** DKD. He’s on FIRE! Who’s betting he’ll still be here next season?
** Roberts. Won his challenges and remained composed. That’s two in a row.
* Russell. Another tidy performance linking up midfield and up top.

Official MOTM: Russell (I think).

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. DKD 2. Roberts 3. Russell

Despatches:
Well done all concerned on the new flag. Looked great, though I’m not sure about ‘Barnsley FC – a rare delight’. Rare in what way? That there’s only one of them (Barnsley FC)? Or ‘rare’ in that they usually fail to deliver (especially at home)? Works both ways, I guess. Putting my sensible head on, I’d have gone ‘Spectamur Agendo’. Let us be judged by our acts. For you will be. Players, coaches, owners...Directors of Recruitment. And I guess someone already has Billy Casper giving it the two fingered salute for their own flag, otherwise I’d have that an’ all. But hey! Baby steps. (We’re a little away from Standard Liege having a banner for a returning player showing a fan having cut off said player’s head with a machete, blood dripping, head in one hand, machete in the other.)

XG today 0.82 v 1.65. What can it all mean? Well, it tells you that we outperformed our expected tally. It tells you that the shots we took don’t normally end up in goals, ie, they were either blinding finishes, or the keeper has messed up. It was the former, barring Gent nicking one from a panicky defence (and even that was a good finish, cutting in and finishing with his wrong foot). But, as ever, we’re relying on good hits. As were they.

No MdG today. We didn’t appeal his red card midweek, which tells me there was enough in it to give it. McCarthy stood in and we won again. Anyone would think it’s coincidence. Maybe it is. Connell was suspended too but Nwakali didn’t help himself, having his worst game yet, losing the ball in dangerous areas. Everyone agreed Lembikisa was as bad, if not worse, once he’d switched sides. Good job he was only on for 45. O’Keeffe was poor, Gent same. I thought Earl was average, which in his world, is above average. I’m not sure the keeper saved owt (remember: he turned their XG of 1.42 into 3!). Oh, hang on, he did, smothering a 1-on-1 at 3 or 4-1. Humphreys and Phillips had their moments, though the former is not a centre forward, even if you play him there.

And then there’s Max Watters. Nothing makes you appreciate a centre forward than not having one. That French bloke? The Orish wingback? Aidy Marsh? Honestly, Max Watters came back looking like a combo of Nat Lofthouse, Tommy Lawton and Alan Shearer. I imagine. Either way, he looks a class above the alternative, and I applaud him for it. (I’d still accept a refund in a heartbeat.) So good in fact, the Ponty were singing his name to the tune of Billy Joel’s ‘We didn’t start the fire’. It was always burning since the world’s been turning. (I used to love that song. Still do. Note to the PA: you;ve binned the dirge that is Hey Jude, replaced it with that whine about taking me home…let’s get the ground chanting Watters’ name!!!! I’ll get the petition for Billy Joel now!

Oh, and then I jetted off to see Fatdog in Manchester. I was a bit surprised, wearing my Reds shirt, to get a ‘YOOO REDDDS!’ from some young lad who wasn’t even born when said shirt was first worn. Fatdog were unbelievable too. File under ‘need to be seen to be believed’.

Drink du jour: House Party IPA in Spiral, Weihenstephaner (Sheffield Tap), Beavertown Neck Oil (Manchester Academy)

Away: 1,217 (11,914). A couple of da yoof got off the train, cans in hand, exited the railway station and instantly broke into a round of ‘Barnsley’s a sh*thole, I wanna go home.’ Listen kids. If you’ve not been before, you need to see a bit more of the place before coming to a fair judgement. And if you have been before…well, why’ve you come back? Kn*bheads.

The Damage:
£11 train
= £11

BFC 1-5 Lincoln City, Saturday 9th March 2024

‘No-one saw that coming!’

Before the match I was chatting to Nozzer. ‘We never beat these.’ ‘What do you mean?’ I asked. ‘We beat them 4-2 at their place in the 90s, Vat of Lard scored.’ ‘Ok then, we never beat them in the league.’ I’ve just looked it up. We haven’t beaten them in the league since I WAS BORN. Who cares that we’ve only played them 10 times since (Lincoln: 7 wins), but still. That’s incredible. Add on Lincoln’s recent form, 10 unbeaten in the league, and there was something almost inevitable about Satdy’s result...but still.

FIVE ONE. Five bloody one. And the one only came once the game was gone. We were absolutely destroyed whilst ‘enjoying’ 67% possession. I guess there’s only so many times you can play triangles, or rectangles (there were usually 4 of them) on the halfway line before the opposition get bored and show you how it’s done. They open the scoring when a super 50 yard reverse crossfield ball (eat yer heart out, Herbie Kane!) finds the right winger in space and he lays it across for the centre forward to fire in from 10 yards. Great goal. Direct, at pace, each player in tune with what the other player was going to do. It’s almost as if they practice. Cheats.

What does our 67% come up with? Well, Cadden bundles his way through a couple of times, but his centre forward has gone missing (as he has done since January; still, you can’t blame the club for not selling Cole if no-one offered to buy him), while Phillips drives a cross in from the right, but the centre forward has gone missing...etc. Phillips also hits a 30 yarder from a free kick, but the keeper saves, bottom corner. Still, no keeper gets beaten from there (see later).

It’s 0-1 at half-time but Oakwell is a morgue. We’ve come back from a goal down how many times this season? How many times this past month? But there was something in the air (tonite), a collective resignation. How fortunate that my friend Anna Marie could compare the (lack of) atmosphere with her 2 previous games...Arsenal beating Liverpoo (yes, even The Library has an atmosphere sometimes) and Argentinian no-marks River Plate (!) She doesn’t even like football. (A prerequisite for a Reds fan, some might say.)

Coach Collins sends the same side out. Why not? We’ve dominated possession, and looked vaguely dangerous down the flanks. He gives it 8 minutes. Kane and McAtee are hauled, the latter to the bafflement of the crowd. Do we want to win this? Obviously not. Cosgrove is on, though surely Grant is an improvement on Kane. Within 5 minutes we are losing three nil. A cheeky Imp runs BETWEEN 2 of our players (with the ball, WTF?) before planting it into the corner. The 3rd is worse (or better, if you’re a Lincoln fan). We lose the ball on the halfway line, they break, and an Imp beats one...two...three...four players in red shirts before putting it in the far corner. I hadn’t realised they’d signed Messi. God give me strength. (Difficult. He doesn’t exist. Sorry to be the bearer...etc.)

Coach Collins gives it another 6 minutes, then says ‘f*** it, the game’s gone’ and takes off Cadden (and Cole, apparently he was playing too). O’Keefe and Marsh are on. What? Are we a charity? Marsh’s sole contribution is to get in Cosgrove’s way, preventing the latter scoring a certain header. The changes make a difference though, as Lincoln score another, a 30 yard shot which bounced in front of a diving keeper and in. (Note to Phillips: make it bounce!) Still, there’s no way a keeper gets beat from there. Not a good one. The crowd leaves. Sorry, MORE of the crowd leave. (Not La Famille Jones, I can still them in the Ponty, crying.)

Then IT HAPPENS. We have a real life attack and score a real life actual GOAL. Credit to Cosgrove for completely missing the spherical object for an open goal, thereby allowing the ball to be picked up on the left and crossed back in for Phillips to crash into the top corner from 10 yards. Some fans still won’t forgive him though for his part in the balls-up at 0-1 where we were 2 on 1 and his square pass came off his studs as Cole ran away, allowing the keeper to collect.

Then my own personal highlight. We immediately bring on Russell for Luca (I told you Coach Collins had given up) and within a minute Russell and MdG are being outpaced by another pesky away fellow. All that sitting on the bench must be tiring for the lad, I reckon. 1-5. Nevermind watching them try to play football, I’d pay good money to see Russell and Herbie Kane be part of a 4x100m sprint relay team, Russell as anchor (I said ‘anchor!’)

Five one. Five bloody one.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Phillips. Intelligent crossing, scored and had our only other worthwhile effort.
** Cadden. Twice beat 2 defenders and hit a low cross into the pocket of space without a Reds forward running anywhere near it.
* No-one. The rest were, without exception, appalling.

Official MOTM: Phillips.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Phillips 2. Cadden 3. No-one

Despatches:
Where was Pines? No idea. Interesting that Coach Collins played McCart in the middle, rather than MDG, when MDG had been there all season pre-Pines. Did it work? (That’s rhetorical, kids.) So who do we blame for the defensive debacle? Coach Collins for choosing the set up? McCart for coming in and spoiling an unbeaten run (albeit one that couldn’t keep clean sheets)? The Frenchman for having a flashback to his debut? If all the opposition have to do is run at De Gevigny, we can kiss goodbye to promotion now. Earl mucked in with the defensive aberrations too.

However, I’ll also raise you a Jordan Williams. Captain Extraordinaire’s contribution appeared to be in his arms rather than his legs as he waved them about frustratedly at anybody and everybody. He must be taking captaincy lessons from Bruno Fernandes. Listen, Jordan, it’s MY job to tell the players how s*** they are. It’s YOUR job to do something about it. Or just concentrate on your own game, that’d be a start.

Or was it the midfield’s fault, for the lack of cover? Connell, half the player he was last season, but twice the pay packet (and the rest) after signing his new contract last season. I hate to say it, but I wish we’d cashed in on him last summer. Kane? Well, he’s out of contract at season’s end, isn’t he? Isn’t he? He’d better be. We can start counting down his games now. Ditto Devante. It’s only the lack of an alternative keeping him in the team. ‘But he’s the top scorer in the division blah blah blah’. He’s rubbish, and you know it.

Hopefully this is the wake-up call for us to go on a run, but we can’t carry more than one, maybe two players who’re ‘off it’. And between Kane, Connell and Cole, there’s 3 for a start.

Drink du jour: House Party IPA in Spiral City.

Away: 1,965. Nearly two thousand fans had a whale of a time on Satdy, and by full-time, probably outnumbered our ‘magnificent support’.

The Damage:
c.£8 petrol
= c.£8

BFC 0-1 Lincoln City, Tuesday 25th October 2022

‘And the official player of the match is #14….Josh Martin.’ ‘BOOOOOOOOO’.

Things are going from bad to worse. No, not the football, the state of traffic to the match last night. It’s bad enough that it’s an hour and half to Barnsley, without another hour for a burnt out car on the A1. Then, more blue light action on Huddersfield Road, stagnant traffic and me using my childhood knowledge of my nana’s ‘ends’ to rat-run through Pogmoor and Gawber. It was great to see Rowland Road and Summer Lane again, after all these years. I notice the Polish Club is now ‘The Old School House’ or similar. Well, it’s what the town’s Brexiteers would’ve wanted. That and economic doom.

The football? My God, it was worse than Satdy. Square, square, backwards, keeper…hoof. Is Keith Hill back? Coach Duff, hailed as the next big thing not a month ago, later told us we’d played well in that 1st half, passed it around, etc. Eh? In terms of numbers, probably. But what’s the point when it’s 10 yards square and you’re in your own half, under no pressure? Anything along the floor and forward, invariably by Kane or Benson, was either intercepted with ease, or taken off whichever forward didn’t know what to do with it. We created NOTHING.

We’d had a scare before their goal. The only goal. I looked up from staring into the abyss to see an Imp beat 2 of our players on their left, cut inside….and clip it off the outside of the post with Collins stranded. Which idiot defenders failed miserably this time? Turned out it was Benson and Cadden. All from a throw from their keeper from OUR corner. Appalling. Cadden has a hand in the goal too, as a crossfield ball finds him losing his player, Mandroiu. The latter chests it down, drives forward and hits a crisp shot across the keeper from 20 yards. A superb finish the like of which is utterly beyond any of our (fit) players. I can imagine Luke Thomas being capable and the longer he’s out, the better he looks.

Second half….it was TURGID. I had to provide my own entertainment by flicking Opal Fruit wrappers at the steward. Unfortunately, the kid next to me had seen me do it and wanted a go. It was his first ever game, bless, and mum was saying how it was great to be at Oakwell, with the atmosphere (!). The atmosphere? 15 mins in, the call went out over the tannoy for fans not to make any racist chants. If they’d have said ‘any chants’ they got their wish. I never heard anything from our support, though Lincoln came in numbers and seemed to be enjoying themselves.

It was the longest 45 minutes I’ve seen since Swansea came last season and wouldn’t let us have the ball. Lincoln did the opposite….letting us have all the ball we wanted, knowing we couldn’t do owt with it. Our only hope was corners and we had a couple of weak headers saved. Then, as injury time loomed, the parents put themselves out of their misery, dragging junior out for the sake of ‘beating the traffic’. Not seeing the equaliser would hopefully be a valuable lesson to this little Tyke. The cross came in. We had not one, but TWO players on their own, 6 yards out. HERE IT COMES. Yes, Norwood and Cole crash into each other. I can’t remember if I laughed or screamed. We are s***.

Onwards and upwards!

*** No-one.
** No-one.
* Kitching. Provided brief hope from corners.

Londontykes’ MOTM: TBA

Despatches:
3 weeks ago I’d not seen us ever lose to Exeter, Morecambe or Lincoln. Now I’ve seen us lose to all 3. If only we weren’t playing Forest Green for the first time this Satdy. Oh. I didn’t even know when we’d last played Lincoln in a league game – turns out to be 75/76. But maybe their win wasn’t as surprising as I thought – they’ve 5 wins and a draw in the last half dozen league games against us. I have the twitter feed of ‘Barnsley FC Stats’ to thank for this one tho….we’ve now failed to score in 4 consecutive league games at this level for the 1st time since 1979 (a bizarre 4 game sequence which started in April 1972!) We didn’t even manage that under Little Lee.

Michael Duff. Hero to zero in weeks. I’m no master tactician, but I’d have thought the entire point of playing 3 centre backs is so you can have wingbacks who get up the field and deliver balls for forwards to score. We have Tom Edwards and Nicky Cadden. The former, finding himself in plenty of space due to smart passing moves (as opposed to pace) put 2 first half crosses into the stands. At least Tom Williams used to be running at pace as he launched his infamous efforts into Row Z. But at least he can defend. Fullback, yes. Wingback? No chance. Cadden, what can I say? I had high hopes. My mate Loko (who knows everything about everything) said he played a key role in getting Forest Green up. Great attacking wingback, etc. I presumed he was some 21 year old up and comer. He’s 26. We’ve signed a plodding journeyman without the pace to beat a player and without the nouse to defend. Early days, but he can’t hide behind the ‘he’s only young’ excuse.

Benson and Kane swapped positions this match, Kane playing higher up. More tactical genius. Giving them the benefit of the doubt, some of their balls were played into space and our front two simply didn’t read them. But what’s the point of passing to Cole and Norwood? No point at all. But I’ll leave analysis of their inabilities for another time. I’m depressed enough.

Martin (the Norwich loanee) was given another start. Must be charity week. He was awful (again) and I suspect whoever chose the man of the match was having a laugh. The other loanee bloke (or have we bought him? My interest is waning), the Burnley one whose name I can’t be ar5ed to learn came on later. I like him – he gives the ball away and then blames everyone else. Who was that midfielder who used to do that for us in the Golden Age of division 3, when we were in admin and he refused to give up his squad place even tho he was injured? ‘The new Redfearn?’ (I can’t remember, my memory has given up.) Anyway, a player whose name I don’t know reminded me of a player whose name I forget. If a sentence sums up watching the Super Reds right now, that’s it.

In more positive news, without the Londontykes coming en masse, I spent pre-match in Barnsley’s premier centre du biere….‘Heaven and Ale’, in the back streets behind Morrisons. Cracking pub, great company (not Nozza and Darrell, but a couple of pooches who insisted on a stroke). Plus some Black Country contractors marvelling at how great the pub 2 doors down from their Air BnB was. Recommended.

Drink du jour: CLWB Tropica (Tiny Rebel) in Heaven and Ale.

Away: 1,231. Superb turnout, great backing…but they had to give up baiting us (‘Is this a library?’) cos they got nowt back.

Today’s take home: Things could be worse. That burnt out car on the A1 could have been mine.

The Damage:
c.£31 travel
= c.£31