BFC 1-0 Sheffield United, Tuesday 27th August 2024

‘Do you think the Victorians called The Victorian Arcade ‘The Victorian Arcade?’’

The youth didn’t look too healthy. What was he? 17? 18? It was difficult to tell, given that he was leant over the toilet trough, his head leaning against the metal wall, his hands desperately holding on to the ledge of the p***er. I pity the poor lad’s mate who’d have had to take him home, stinking of urine. Please tell me he had a mate. ‘This doesn’t happen in the East Stand’ I said to another smirking middle-aged bloke.

Yes, I was in the Ponty with the idiots last nite. Fancied a change. See how the other half live. And as the Blunts pressed for an equaliser late on, I didn’t know if the fact I could barely see the far end was a help or a hindrance. For the first time in a long time I was actually invested in the result. The team was MAGNIFICENT as it battled to victory against the big city higher division neighbours. Plus they silenced a full away end very early on. I don’t think I could have stood 5,000 crowing Blunts (I said ‘Blunts’, not ...)

I said I was with the idiots. I would have been – but one had already nicked my seat, back row. To hell with it, I’ll go and sit with Wadd. I could be the new Molly! But some others had nicked that seat too. All this in a stand that was less than half full. Still, I’m forever banging on that unreserved seating in the Ponty is at the heart of improving the atmosphere at Oakwell. Well, it did last nite! Mind, if I have one regret, it’s not swapping seats with Wadd at half-time,and given my right ear a break. Christ, he talks, and Christ, very little is about the match in front of him. Molly owes me one.

The opening half undoubtedly belonged to the Blunts, but we held strong, aside from Earl being stripped (he can add ‘left back’ to ‘left wingback’ as positions he’s not suited to. His worst effort was in trying to let the ball out of play, leaving the winger to dance round him and pull the ball back for Billy Blunt to sidefoot off the post from 6 yards. Unmissable. So unmissable, I’d have put money on Devante scoring. Or Dire. Or Dave Regis*. Winnall would have scored it twice. That said, the defence stood tall and happily gave away corners confident they’d head the ball clear. (We had both Pines and Roberts in there; the Blunts meantime had no Kieffer Moore. THAT would have been interesting.)

*I’m aware all 3 share the same ethnicity; this is coincidence. I was just had to find a 3rd after the first 2 trip off my tongue like my own slaver. And now I have to get paranoid cos the word for the spittle that dribbles from your mouth is the same spelling as...anyway, I give up.

I couldn’t see us scoring tho, despite them having Adam Davies in goal. (Yes, THE Adam Davies.) ‘Do we get pens after 90 minutes?’ I asked young Lucas. I was grasping for anything, still thinking if we concede one, we’ll concede 3, 4, 5. If we don’t concede at all, at least we’ll have the opportunity to beat them on pens. And we wouldn’t even have to suffer extra time. My fears were misguided – we were AWESOME (dude) that 2nd half, absolutely awesome.

We were on the front foot from the start, as Cotter rampaged down the right. On current form, he’s a better right winger than Farage. (Where’s he gone? Don’t bother replying.) The goal came courtesy of Bazza too, with a little help from his friends. A beautiful throughball to Phillips, wide right, is returned, low, across goal for Sniffer Watters to bury from 4 yards into an empty net. What a player this Watters bloke is. 2 goals in 2 games, is there no stopping him? (It’s transfer deadline week; can I see a show of hands on who WOULDN’T sell him, if we could, if anyone wanted him, if if...) Great goal.

That was earlyish, 2nd half, but for half an hour we were the better side. Then, with subs on and time ticking…the Blunts sending an SOS to star man Hamer on the bench…from 77 on we were under the cosh. I say 77, cos they had 3 chances in 3 mins. But the defence held out, the midfield never stopped running and the forwards put a shift in. It was like the good old days of a cup upset. Oh, and Max Watters has now scored more winners for Barnsley in derbies than everyone except Jamal Campbell-Ryce. Incredible.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Cotter. 2nd home game in a row he’s been diddled out of MOTM by Phillips. Waddington said it, Darrell, who I met outside, said it, I’m saying it, everyone who saw the game said it. So we took him off an hour or so in (injured?) and we were never the same.
** Roberts. Headed and cleared everything.
* Pines. See above. No wonder we were so keen to let them have corner after corner!

Official MOTM: Phillips

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Cotter 2. Watters 3. Lofthouse

Despatches:
I’ll not go through the team, the lot of ‘em were heroes. Special mentions to Marsh and Yoganathan as replacements for regulars Cosgrove and whoever plays with Connell in the middle..

But the crowd. If the Blunts brought 5,000 (should be easy to feed; 5 fish and a couple of loaves….or is the other way around?) that means 5,739 Reds fans. Pathetic. I saw on social media folk complaining it was 17 quid. OK, I get that, it could be less. But a league game is 29 quid FFS. I’d have thought 17 was almost good value. It didn’t deter dem blades. Maybe the clue is in being relegated from the Prem. With away allocations last season of 3,000 or less, and a desperation to see their team battered, this probably represented many of their fans with a rare chance of seeing an away game. So the price suited THEM. But perhaps the powers-that-be at Oakwell need to be more in touch with our own fans. (However, we could’ve given tickets away and not got rid of more than 10,000, so it’s a tricky game.) But it was bliss seeing a full, yet silent, away end. Enjoyed that. Well done you Super Reds. 1st home win since February. 1st win against the Blunts since...?

Drink du jour: Paulaner Weissbier (cans of) in Spiral City.

Away: 5,000 (sellout). Looked more, but 5,000 is the only figure I can find.

The Damage:
£17 ent
c. £8 petrol
£3 programme
= £28

BFC 2-3 Sheffield United, Sunday 24th October 2021

Peel Square toilets, R.I.P

I am livid, absolutely livid. No, not the football. We’ve been s*** before, and we’ll be s*** again. No, they’ve only gone and levelled Peel Square toilets. Am I alone in considering this a social, cultural and historical act of vandalism in Barnsley town centre? It’s a landmark, and one that’s been there for over a century. (I know this because the dates were on the porcelain – made in Burnley, c.1912). I mean, I understand it may no longer have been fit for purpose, and possibly been a haven for all things illicit, but that’s no reason to knock it down and bury it under a wealth of paving slabs. It was a thing of BEAUTY, the wrought iron gates opening to a magnificently tiled - cream and green – Georgian (1910s) masterpiece, with a wall of curved urinals. How can the people of Barnsley have allowed this to happen? (I’ve since read the plans have been in place 4 years, and now we’ll have an open space ‘capable of holding pop-up markets’. WTF? Barnsley town centre has enough empty space capable of holding a market stall or 3. All this tells me is that the town, the people, have no civic pride, blinded as they are by the development of the white elephant / Big Yellow Storage building that is the Glassworks.) Anyway, the toilets are now gone. There’ll be no cool underground bar, a la Shoreditch, or Newcastle. Even if they simply locked it up, the structure was easy on the eye, in a way a blank open space of paving slabs can never be. Barnsley, the more you try to improve, the worse you get. It breaks my heart, it really does.

The football? It was the worst possible result, as we were beaten out of sight, then a couple of consolation goals papers over the cracks and gives the coach ammunition for saying there’s the seeds of improvement. There isn’t. (Room FOR improvement, yes, seeds OF improvement…no.) After a first half devoid of content, the Blunts came out and put us to the sword early in the second period, scoring 2 within 8 minutes. Mousset scored a quality double. The first, he chased down the ball towards the corner, doubled back on Helik, then rifled it into the far corner from 20 yards. We’ve seen Cauley…and Big Vic…score similar (but not for a season). The second, a quick break, was inevitable the moment they got free on the left. Kitching was always the wrong side of Mousset, who swept the cross high into the net. Game over.

From then on, it could have got (more) embarrassing. We’d throw men forward in clueless fashion, run into a wall of Blunts, then they’d break and be 2 on 2, 3 on 3. How they never racked up 4 or 5 is to their own ineptitude. ‘How s*** must you be, it’s only 2-0’ sang the Ponty (more of them later). Another break, this time down the right, another cutback, and it’s 0-3. Hopefully that’s the end of Schopp. This was the cue for many to leave (though not as many as I’ve seen leave early in other games).

By now, Schopp had played all his cards. Big Vic was rewarded for being our one striker of presence by being given the hook, for Devante Cole. The crowd didn’t like that. Kitching was hauled off for Hondermarck, who promptly went into midfield, with Moon taking over at the back from Kitching. Reward for some of the worst passing of a football I’ve ever seen (Moon, in midfield). Kitching promptly marched up the stand and sat on his own (in one of those seats which are completely unsafe for the fans to use). What a mess. Still, we then took it to ‘em. Moon hit the post with a 20 yard rasper, while Cole…..Cole….missed an open goal with a sidefoot at the backpost. Woeful.

Then the unthinkable. A loose ball is lashed home on the volley…by Cole! Once the cheers died down, the Reds were met with ‘We’ve scored a goal, we’ve scored a goal, we’ve scored a goal’ from 3 2 sides of Oakwell. Let’s just say disbelief at us scoring a goal outweighed belief in the comeback. Then, after 82 minutes, Iseka bags, hitting a loose ball having stumbled through a couple of weak challenges. You can see the Blunts bricking it, as collectively they drop deep, and no longer make runs behind our defence for fear of losing the ball. Still, we never really looked like equalising, though a last minute corner had Collins challenging to net. I’d have LOVED that to have gone in, a last gasp equaliser from the keeper, if only to ‘reward’ all those fans who left early. But let’s not pretend it was anything other than a hiding. We were embarrassed and embarrassing.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Hondermarck. I know, I know. How can one give a MOTM to someone on the pitch for 16 minutes? One is disrespecting the honest toil of however many others. Yes, I am. Honda came on, bossed midfield and made one fantastic run (you know the one). Came on and 8 minutes later we’d gone from 0-3 to 2-3.
** Big Vic. Honest toil and good hold up play.
* Iseka. Scored. So did Cole, but Iseka didn’t also miss an open goal.

Official MOTM: Ha ha haaaa…you seriously think they dared name an official MOTM? Yeah, right. (Or, if they did, I never heard it.)

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Adeboyejo 2. Iseka 3. Hondermarck

Despatches:
The fans. We/they are beyond anger, all that’s left is sarcasm – and it worked. Once the fans started taking the p*** out of their own players, we started scoring. Since the third goal, the Ponty was chanting ‘we’ve lost the ball….we’ve lost the ball…we’ve got the ball….we’ve got the ball’. That was on top of calling for the manager’s chop, of course. ‘We want Schopp out’ changing to ‘We want Markus out’. What’s with using his forename? Surely you have to use the formal ‘Schopp’ if you’re calling for his head on a platter? Along with the inevitable ‘You’re getting sacked in the morning.’ We wish. As we have been wishing for 4 or 5 games (and the rest). Still, my own award for best chant of the day goes to….’West Stand, give us a song…’ Our historic stand, lying there empty, save for as many press and directors as I’ve ever seen. The stand is obviously safe for some…(actually, let’s just level it and replace it with paving; we don’t need a 4th side.)

We lined up 3-5-2, if you consider Brittain was playing for us. Someone put him out of his misery (please). Same for Moon. You simply can’t be allowed to make as many misplaced passes as he did, and be allowed to stay on the pitch. Even once he was moved back into defence, he continued hoofing the ball to them. And while we’re calling the vet, bring a 3rd bullet for Cauley. The man is undroppable. I get that he tries hard, I get that he’s our best striker…but it’s just NOT working. Surely a game or 2 on the bench might focus his mind, take him out of the firing line, etc. (It says something that in chucking on a bit of pace in Cole and Iseka, we looked more dangerous than in a while, though how much of that was due to a complacent United, I don’t know).

United were there for the taking too. They were so, so poor 1st half. Mind, one #7 regular thought otherwise, so Daryl put him right: ‘I was sat in front of someone who used to be in charge of waste for Yorkshire Water. And he said United were s***, and he knows what s*** looks like.’ Oh, it was good to see the electronic scoreboard working again too. From that, I can tell you it took 39 minutes for our first effort at goal (Moon, over) and 44 minutes before Big Vic flicked an effort on target. Woo hoo! BTW, early doors, Vic skipped round their right back, pulled it back…and nobody was there. I moaned about this after the last game. Our players should KNOW what their teammate is going to do, should know where to run, should have practiced this move in training…should have….should have….Christ. Watching our front 3 in the opening half, you’d swear they’d just been introduced to each other at kick-off. I’m with Brittain (on Radio Sheffield, t'other week) – we simply have no clue going forward.

Finally, I think I can get used to Sunday lunchtime kick-offs. I get to enjoy my Saturday, for a start. (Yesterday, I went to Ryhope Colliery Welfare v Bury in the FA Vase.) It also affords the opportunity to have a post-mortem of our latest defeat in the Old #7 (as opposed to a pre-match inquest into where it WILL go wrong. So what that it creates difficulty for those of our support who live far far away? (hello Londontykes!) F*** em, it’s their own fault!

(Copied from a missive from a fellow Londontyke) Icing on the cake today – someone posted a picture of the empty (But for the directors, scouts, media, youth team and various other hangers on) death trap where I used to sit and I can clearly see someone sitting in my seat and without a hard hat and flameproof clothing. Hard to escape the conclusion that I have been lied to about how unsafe that stand is

Drink du jour: Beavertown Neck Oil. The Weihenstephaner ‘isn’t on’. Isn’t that the most irritating thing, when you go into a bar, suss out what’s on tap…and it isn’t. New landlord an' all, I'm told.

Away: c.4000

The Damage:
c. £32 petrol
£3 programme
= c. £35

The Tunes:
BBC6 Music (Cerys Matthews)
Mordechai (Khruangbin)

BFC 3-2 Sheffield United, Saturday 7th April 2018

‘We’re Sheffield United, we’re sending you down.’

Welcome to...the programme queue.

What a day.  What a game. Local giants Sheffield United come to town and become the 1^st side in 13 matches to have their ar5es kicked by the Super Reds.  The embarrassment of it all.  Even worse, they’ve only thrown away a second half lead, and their fans' crowing was well and truly stuffed down their fat necks, as ‘We’re Sheffield United, we’re sending you down’ soon became ‘You’re Sheffield United, You’re keeping us up.’  Couldn’t happen to a nicer bunch of lads.

Read it and weep.

Mind, we shoulda been out of sight by half time, as we played them off the park.  Jose wisely kept the team which played so promisingly against Bristol City and we were so nearly rewarded early doors.  Moncur cracked one off the bar following a short corner routine, while Moore was winning everything up top.  Now, if only other players would run towards where Moore was aiming his knockdowns. Or, at least, run there BEFORE he makes the header.  Anticipation, etc.  But nevermind, a corner is cleared and Aston Villa’s Gardner hits an ABSOLUTE SCREAMER into the top corner form 20 yards. It was still rising when it hit the net.  Unstoppable. As ever, this makes him think he can shoot, and his next effort finds the crowd.

A minute's applause for Ray Wilkins, R.I.P.

We get in at half time, 1-0, thoroughly pleased with ourselves, but worried that we hadn’t built a bigger lead.  The only concern in the opening 45 was Fryers inability to defend and McBurnie’s inability to cover (though it seems a waste of your best forward if he’s having to scrap it out in defence too).  Luckily, the 3 or 4 times they got clear on their right (with the same ‘give and go’ each time; do we NOT learn???), the crosses lacked quality.  Or was it merely the superiority of our centre halves?

The Blunt hordes.

Surely the Blunts would improve after the break though?  Unfortunately, this was exactly the case, as we were penned in our box from the start. Also, Billy Blunt was on as sub and he ALWAYS scores against us, right?  Quick, one-touch passes left us all over the place and the desperate defending had ‘last 10 minutes’ written all over it.  We were defending deep, but I have to say the Blunts looked very slick.  And just as we thought we might ride the wave, they equalise, sidestepping Potts to bury it in the corner.  No less than they deserved.  Heads went down in our team, but on comes talisman Hammill for Isgrove.

The Ponty End v Sheff U.

6 mins later, it’s 2-1.  A catastrophic panic between Davies and Lindsay leads to pinball, where the only player with any composure is wearing a purple shirt.  We are down, we are out, we are f***ed, we are relegated.  Jose takes Moncur off. WTF? He was the best player on the pitch in the 1^st half.  But he’s barely touched it 2^nd half and we have 25 mins to save our season. On comes Bradshaw.  That’s it.  We really DO need a miracle now.

I need a hero...on comes Bradshaw.

Well, if we need a miracle, who better to turn to than former Messiah Adam Hammill. He’s had enough of players not looking like scoring, so cuts inside and has a go himself from 20 odd yards, with his weaker left.  The (reserve?) keeper makes a hash of the save and the ball falls kindly to new Messiah, Swansea City’s Ollie McBurnie, who has fast become my favourite Swansea player of all time. He is absolutely fabulous, I love him. Looks a less likely footballer than Peter Kay (‘ave it!), I could watch him all day.  Just don’t let him have to defend.  He dribbles the ball over the line and three sides of Oakwell go potty.  What a difference a goal makes. I can’t remember the last time a crowd went from this level of disconsolation to ecstasy in a game.  

2nd half action...the Super Reds hang on.

I’m sat upstairs this week, in my old seat and with time ticking, Stewart announces he’s leaving.  He always leaves after 87 mins, heart problems, needing to beat the rush.  ‘But you’ll miss their winner’ I say.  ‘It’s our turn today, lad’ are his parting words (he’s not dead, he was just leaving…), and he can’t have been halfway down the staircase when IT HAPPENS.

Moore bangs a ball across goal on the half volley…sublime…and Tom Bradshaw does what Tom Bradshaw does best…nails a header from 4 yards out.  Feed the Bradders and he will score. Make him do it himself, and he can’t.  Pandemonium.  Disbelief.  Shock.  Awe.  And loads of other words which can’t quite describe the f***ing amazingness of what we’ve seen.  You f***ing Reds!  We play our the last few minutes (and injury time) pretty comfortably.   

A busy camera gantry.

Today is all about Jose’s favourite word: belief.  And maybe after today, the players can kick on and get the points we need to deny me £60 this season.  (Oh yes, in the euphoria of winning, I found another gullible idio…mate willing to bet me a tenner we’ll stay up. Step forward Marius.)

*** Moore.  Won everything, held the ball up, set up the winner.  Shame he couldn’t get the ball from under his feet when clean through…was it 1-0 at the time?  Twitter MOTM.
** Gardner.  Another impressive match without Williams getting in his way finally has its rewards.  Obvs he scored a cracker, but the amount of times he chased back to delay a Blunt attack, or put a tackle in, or played the ball to a red shirt.  After a slow start, he’s won me over.

* McBurnie.  Who cares that he can’t defend?  The way the ball sticks to him is something else.  The way he dribbles past players without any need for skill, style, speed or grace.  The way he knows where the onion bag is, and can pick a pass.  The boy is a class act.  Too good for us.

Londontykes' MOTM:  1. Moore  2. Gardner  3. Moncur

Despatches:

Jackson and Lindsay were solid in defence.  Yiadom was composed throughout.  Moncur orchestrated the 1^st half dominance.  Isgrove combined well with Yiadom in defence, but offered little going forward, at one point messing up a 4 on 2 counter attack.  Potts drove hard from midfield while the subsHammill and Bradshaw proved their worth, both putting a shift in as well as being heavily involved in two goals.  Davies had little to do, and don’t be fooled by The Championship’s highlights of him making a great save from a header…it was offside.  The only disappointment was Fryers, who couldn’t defend to save his life, though at least he made a few forward runs.

And special mention to our mad manager, Jose, who, at the end, had the players run towards the Ponty, hands linked, to salute the fans a la European teams (and Huddersfield).  I know many of our cynics find it a bit ‘cringey’, but as someone else pointed out:  if we’re doing this every week it’s cos we’re WINNING.  We left Oakwell to the strains of The Monkees ‘I’m a believer.’  That word again. 

 
It’s great to be a Barnsley fan once more.

Onwards and upwards!

Away: 4,657.  Capacity, in this day and age where plod decides 1200+ seats are ‘unsafe’.  

The Damage:
£28 train
£3 prog
= £31

The Tunes:
No tunes.  Just Marius yap yap yapping.  Just what I need at half seven in a morning following beers and  late night (sorry Marius!)

Panorama v Sheff U.

Down the hill to Oakwell.

The teams line up.

Oh no, it's all going wrong.

BFC 1-1 Blunts, Saturday 28th November 2015

‘We are bottom of the league, say we are bottom of the league’

Derby Day at t'Well

I’ll start at the end: Andy dragging me out of the Euston Flyer to prevent a kicking.  Cheers Andy.  I believe Newcastle fans were involved, which may not be untypical.  And me being involved, which may not be untypical.

Anyway, we got a result.  In the 5^th minute of 6 minutes of injury time, Conor Hourihane blasted home from 20 yards through a crowd of players after a corner was half cleared.  Great finish – if only Slacki and Corey had seen it, having slunk out seconds earlier!

The away end

In truth, we never looked like scoring, which was strange given we hit the woodwork twice and had a penalty saved.  Hamill looked off-colour, yet still looked our best chance of a goal, putting in the cross for Winnall’s header which hit the post, as well as earning the penalty, cleverly delaying his touch and allowing the Blunt defender to think he could nick it.  He couldn’t and went through Hamill.  The pen probably wasn’t a bad one either, low to the keeper’s right, but, as ever, refs never pull keepers up for being off the line before the ball is hit.

Oh no, not again...

Otherwise, we’d been losing since what felt like the 1^st minute, but was actually the 16^th.  A corner was curled to the backpost and Basham headed in from 3 yards.  Appalling.  Could the keeper have come and claimed it?  I have a feeling he was blocked off by numerous others.  (Why don’t WE do that?)  Still, no excuse for the lack of marking or muscle from whichever Red was meant to be preventing Basham from scoring (Mawson?)  Cue crowing Blunts for the rest of the half, one of my least favourite sounds in the world.  Mind, he who crows last, crows longest, eh kids?

Hourihane's penalty is saved

A draw was problies a fair result, though Davies saved a couple of one-on-ones to keep us in it.  Equally, that midget from Southampton missed from 6 yards in the 1^st half, but from my superior vantage point in the East Upper, the keeper had made a connection with the ball which meant Isgrove couldn’t connect properly, so it wasn’t quite the chance most of our home end saw.

We are now bottom of the table, rudderless, yet sadly not managerless.  How Johnson thinks Winnall is worthy of a start ahead of Toney the Loanee, only he knows.  And it’s a good job he amends our lack of experience by bringing in a 24 year old Rotherham reserve player in place of George Smith.  It’s been a while since I’ve seen someone lose the ball trying to shepherd it out.  That should have been 2-0 right there.  Yet once Smith was on, we pushed on down the pitch and the last 10 minutes were almost exciting.

The Blunts.  No, it's not rhyming slang, don't be rude...

It may look like ‘inspired substitutions’ but the only inspired thing about it was probably leaving Hourihane on (inspiration or luck?), cos any of our attacking players were worthy of being dragged off; Watkins, Winnall, Hourihane, Isgrove and even Hamill.  In the end, Watkins and Isgrove bit the bullet, while Smith came on for White with 11 to go.  Even then, Toney was forced to play 20 yards behind Winnall instead of being up with him.  This manager has no clue.

Grove Street, yesterday

*** This is difficult.  No-one really stood out and there were a lot of poor or anonymous performances, but for saving the one-on-ones I’ll give it to Davies (Twitter MOTM) though he was far from assured on corners.

** Smith.  What can I say?  The 11 minutes (plus injury time) he played were far and away our best spell of the match.  The previous left back had never got in their half, Smith was never out of it.

* Hourihane.  Go on then, for THAT goal.  Otherwise awful, missed a pen and his deadballs were abysmal.  Tohellwithit.  Toney.  Does what our entire forward line CAN'T do.
Londontykes' Top 3:
1. Davies
2. Hammill

3. Toney of Newcastle

Despatches: I sat upstairs this week cos my dad didn’t come.  I really enjoyed it, save for listening to the Blunts 1^st half.  My dad had said he wasn’t coming, cos he had something on Sat nite…but when I rang him yesterday, his night out had been switched to Friday and he just couldn’t be bothered.  I think the early kick off didn’t help.  Or the s*** football.  I’d also fancied giving the game a miss, but since I had the train tickets….

The Ponty

The players?  Nyatanga was WOEFUL.  At least twice the ball went over his head and by the time he turned around they were clean through (one of them, the Blunt – Sharp? – pulled it down brilliantly with one touch before Davies saved).  Isgrove.  What does he do?  Technically plays wide midfield, runs about a bit, but doesn’t score, never sets anything up, isn’t defensive, can’t head (too midgety).  Does he only get a game cos Little Lee likes little players?  Winnall was fabulous entertainment, moaning his way to a booking and being the ball of positivism that he is.  Does he ever stop complaining? What’s he like at home?  Back to his diving-on-the-floor-looking-for-a-foul best.  Never ever looked like scoring, and never ever looked like he could do all the other things that Toney does when he comes on (winning headers, getting physical, worrying defenders).  Williams came on for the last 20 and he blended in straightaway with his anonymity.  The one run he had, beating 2 players before slightly overrunning it, he ruined by not having the bottle to follow through his momentum, cos he’d have easily beaten their man to the ball and would probably have taken a kick in the process.  I think I now know why he was declared ‘clinically fit’ in last week’s Chron, cos mentally, he looks in bits.  As for Hamill, altho he threatened sporadically, in the first half hour of the 2^nd half, the twice he took anyone on he was running towards his own goal, in his own half.  We need to get him running behind their defence, not giving it to him with his back to goal, surrounded by defenders.  Naturally, I blame Little Lee.

One advantage of a 12:15 KO was the ability to have post-match beers in the No. 7, but I could really do without having to get up earlier than I do for work.  Thanks, South Yorkshire’s finest.

Crowd: 13,571 (away: 3939).  Only about 4,000 down on last season.  We can’t afford to sack Little Lee, apparently.  We can’t afford not to, I’d say.

Drinks du jour: JD and coke on the train, Erdinger and Leffe elsewhere

The Damage:
34 train
5 taxi
2 fanzine

The Choons:
Favourite Worst Nightmare – Arctic Monkeys
Four Calendar Café – Cocteau Twins
Felt Mountain - Goldfrapp

The view from inside the East Stand

The Reds clear a corner

Action on the halfway line

Barnsley 0-2 Blunts, Saturday 4th April 2015

‘Why does he call me ‘Giraffe?’
‘Cos y’uv got a long neck’

The Blunts are here.  Call the cavalry!

The sun was out, the fans were out, the police were out (more of that in a bit) and The Blunts were out.  Sadly, only Barnsley FC failed to join the party and were comprehensively outplayed by the local rivals in what was our biggest game of the season.  ‘Very poor’ was a more generous assessment of our game by one local afterwards.

Me and Sarah got the train from York and were greeted by a guard of honour all the way from the train station to Oakwell.  A copper every 10 yards wasn’t an exaggeration, in fact, they’d even shipped ‘em in from County Durham (I saw a couple of vans).  Are you telling me, on a day (or kick off time) when no other team is playing in South Yorkshire, there aren’t enough dibble to handle a 3^rd division game round these parts?  Of course, both sides can muster enough idiots for a fight, but still…(after the game, it looked like one of the streets had been blocked off – were the Blunts frogmarched through the away carpark after the game?)  If Barnsley FC changed the kick off day to save money (as Mansford says), then I dread to think what the bill would’ve been on Easter Friday cos it must’ve been extortionate today.

I remember when they only used to bring 1500...

For 15 minutes this game was a thrilling end-to-end battle between two of the division’s better teams.  Then, like a team of Dale Jennings’  (what is the plural?  ‘a pie’?), they collapsed, and allowed United complete carte blanche for the rest of the match.  The Blunts took control, in particular, swinging ball after ball into our box.  And I wouldn’t even blame the fullbacks, the ball was coming in from deeper.  Also, whatever we had for an offside trap wasn’t working either.  Something had to give – and it was our defence. 

The warnings were already there before they scored.  One free kick into our box had the centre halves lost, the keeper off his line…with the resultant header clipping the bar.  Another corner was scrambled off the line, they had a couple of efforts blocked when nailed on to score.  ‘If we can only hold on till half time’ I thought.  I looked at the clock – still 10 minutes left.   A few minutes later we concede.  

The teams are paraded.

Sheffield get a free kick on our left touchline (another chance to swing the ball in – can we not LEARN?)  From memory, their bod is touched by Winnall, carries on going, and falls over with Pearson behind him.  The ref saw nought wrong, but luckily the linesman overrules him (!) and gives it.  (The Blunts do this all day, btw, get in front of a Reds player then stop running / slow down, so our player has no choice but to run into him; their cunning, or our naïveté?  Yet the ref can see through Winnall whenever he tries it.)  There’s a bit of a skirmish, lots of arguing, a talking to.  Did we lose focus?

The ball curls in (beautiful crosses all day from them) and time stands still as their guy meets it full on and it arcs into the far top corner.  Whatever you say about the inability of our centre halves to command the area today, the sheer number and quality of crosses, together with good movement and ability from their forwards, meant they’d get chances.  (I remember another sitter they missed now, their bloke getting a free header 8 yards out, which he headed down and the bounce nearly deceived Wildsmith in goal).  Our only chance was to either stop the crosses coming in, or (here’s an idea) get the ball in THEIR half.  We could no neither.

'You sign rapists, we sign Sammy Winnall, Sammy Winnall' etc

Still, we got to HT, 0-1.  The chance for Johnson to show his mettle and make a few changes, tactically, if not personnelly (is that a word?).  He/we did neither.  We’d desperately play one touch football among the 4 defenders, on a bobbly pitch, until one would scuff it out, or lump it forward to Ibehre, who would be expected to flick it on for himself.  (He actually managed this in the 1^st half, the closest we got to their goal).  For the most part, our 4 defenders failed to knock it to each other as one Blunt ran around harrying (think Dagnall in a fetching yellow number).  We couldn’t cope. 

The one other chance (to make a chance) we had was in the 1^st half, as Stewart picked up the ball and for a split second we were 2 on 1.  The split second was enough for him to panic, play an early ball instead of driving forward and forcing their centre half to commit, and overhitting said pass to the corner flag for Winnall to chase.  Pathetic.

Toby, Toby!!

2^nd half, not a lot happens.  We occasionally get past the halfway line (not often, and not too far past it) before Johnson made the changes to save the game – Jennings and Smith on for Hourihane and Stewart (Smith to left back, allowing John to push on).  2 minutes later it was 0-2.  We only had 3 or 4 chances to clear it (from a corner?) and a gentle header out was rifled in on the volley from the edge of the box.  Game over.  Once again we have crumbled in front of a crowd at Oakwell.  What damage limitation there was came from them – missing a couple of other chances as well as counting down time in the corner. 

Still, it wasn’t all bad.  With a ticket from Sheffield, we caught a train thankfully devoid of gloating Blunts, as they stayed in the ground to hail their heroes – the best 3^rd division team in South Yorkshire.  In fact, we even made it home (to London) while it was still daylight. Perhaps we should kick off at 12:15 every week?

Police lining up, ready for full time.

*** Josh Scowen.  Twitter MOTM (sponsors: Redfearns, AKA Loko and Hicksy, whose favourite player is….Scowen).  Made tackles and drove forward.  Had a shot (wide).  He appeared to be in the thick of things for the 15 minutes we were in the game.

** Ben Pearson.  Made tackles, held onto the ball, before disappearing.  He appeared to be in the thick of things for the 15 minutes we were in the game.

* Mason Holgate.  Looked a class act at times.  Sarah thought he had 90% of BFC possession in that early part.  He appeared to be in the thick of things for the 15 minutes we were in the game.
Londontykes top 3:
1. Scowen
2. Pearson
3. Holgate

Despatches:
They defended, attacked and midfielded better than us.  It’s just not FAIR.  Stewart looked appalling.  God, do I miss O’Sullivan.  Still, he wasn’t ours to miss.  I see Johnson says ‘we probably have too many loanees’…yet plays Stewart, as well as Declan John.  What’s George Smith done wrong? Cos John’s no better, from what I’ve seen.  And at least Smith is OURS.  Anyway, Lalkovic (ours) must be nailed on to replace Stewart on Monday at Colchester.  Ibehre looked half decent.  Held a ball up (when it wasn’t speared at his head) and his strength doesn’t allow defenders a free header.  Had zero support, though we went 4-4-2 with Winnall, who did that thing where he was always on his ar5e, complaining about being fouled.  He’s like a modern-day Andy Saville.  Weak as p***.  The fans love him, obvs.  He has approximately three times as many chants as the rest of the team combined.  Hourihane was Hourihane.  At least he got dragged off this week.  Even with Pearson and Scowen behind him, he resolutely refuses to find his earlier form.  (It must have been 'form' cos class is permanent!)  Crainie and Nyatanga were torn apart.  Their forwards did this thing where they move around, their midfielders did this thing where they played inch perfect, well timed throughballs or crosses and our centre halves looked like the little Dutch boy who plugs the hole in the dike – with rather less success.  The midfield have to accept responsibility for not cutting out the crosses.  I thought John and Holgate weren’t too bad, defensively.  Wildsmith made a couple of saves, but what we probably needed more of was him coming and claiming crosses, as their keeper did all day long (cos despite it all, we had a few corners).

4 matches without a win.  Either we beat Colchester and (crucially) Chesterfield next week, or it’s goodbye play-offs.  But let’s be honest, we haven’t deserved to be there (sorry).  Have we used up all our luck in that unbeaten run?

Drink du jour: I had one beer all day, an unfiltered Bernard at the Sheffield Tap.  Possibly the highlight of my day.

Crowd: 17,532 (c.5600 Blunts).  Cracking atmosphere, especially from our lot. The away lot gave up after a while...only piping up again once they'd scored.  Then they got a 2nd and we gave up.  Then Johnson gave up - sending on Hemmings for Ibehre.  Where's the white flag?

The Dimensions Stand, pre-match

The heathen hordes.  'Barnsley's a sh*thole' etc.