BFC 1-0 QPR, Saturday 12th February 2022

‘I’ve got more chance of winning the half-time draw than we have of winning today.’

What is that weird feeling? I can’t quite put my finger on it. A sort of tingly sensation, making one smile nonsensically like a demented patient of Bethlem Royal Hospital (‘Bedlam’). A strange sense of joy, of positivism, of joie de vivre (is that right? My French is merde.) Oh yes, WE WON A GAME. Was it the Righteous Brothers who sang ‘You’ve lost that losing feeling...’? Barnsley are back (Barnsley are back)!

We outfought and outshot a Rangers side lacking the creativity and fluidity which have taken them to 4th in the table. Who’d have thunk they were 7 unbeaten, and us 13 without a win? Yet they should have opened the scoring early, as a cross to the backpost had a Ranger on his own, 6 yards from his nearest marker. Thankfully, instead of simply directing it towards goal with his right foot, he did everything to get it onto his left and blazed it into the crowd. What is it with one-footed players?

Talking of creative, we have Benson, who nearly broke the deadlock with a sublime pass which created a 2 on 1. Unfortunately, the 2 on 1 was in Rangers’ favour, but hey ho. Small steps, and all. Helik legged it across to make a superb block. In the meantime, we took pot shots from 20 yards which, while often on target, never really threatened. The most eye catching effort was from Jordan Williams, who ran from his own half and burst past at least 4 opposition midfielders in a way no-one else in our team can, before launching it over the bar in a way many of our team can.

One thing I’ll say for the second half – Rangers didn’t once threaten. Even when that last minute cross was millimetres from Dyke’s head, I was never worried. Us? Gomes blazed over on the volley from 10 yards. Poor. Another couple of ‘sighters’ and the best we had was 2 breaks down the left with Quina. Shirley (Bassi) was ahead of him, unmarked, an easy ball and a chance to cross. Quina ignored him, twice, to get his head down and run into traffic, the ball greedy so-and-so. The danger with this approach is that Shirley will stop making those runs. So it was with some trepidation that Quina broke away again, ignoring my screams to ‘PASS THE BALL!’ to lash home from 20 yards. What do I know? (Well, I know he wasted 2 promising attacks with his earlier unwillingness to part with the ball.)

Onwards and upwards!

*** Quina. Am I really giving MOTM to someone just for scoring? YES! But he did bring the ball forward a few times, which is a few times more than anybody else save for Jordan.
**Helik. Am I really giving 2nd for someone making a goal saving block? YES! (I’m having trouble sorting the wheat from the chaff this week; they were generally much of a muchness.)
* Vita. Why not? Looked comfortable coming forward.

Official MOTM: Quina. Won….so we named one.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Quina 2. Vita 3. Helik

Despatches:
Leaving the ground, there were people doing that weird thing they do, where open their mouths and show off their tooth decay. Smiling, I think they call it. ‘How many points are we off t’play-offs?’ I heard one fan ask amid joyful cackling. I was just happy we were off the bottom after Derby’s defeat. Oh. (I didn’t realise we were a staggering FOUR points behind a team who’d given us a 21 point headstart.) So, no, no time to get carried away. Just proof we’ve carried our midfield all season and we’re looking to a Watford reserve player (note: Watford are bottom of the Premiership) and a clean sheet to eke out a victory. I guess I was just disappointed Jonesy had finally seen a win this season. I was looking forward to us taking it to the wire!!!!

As for winning our 1st game in whenever, one must assume we did something different today. And I did – was it the pre-match steak bake? Or walking through the Alhambra to the ground, avoiding the usual hike around the train station while that bridge never gets built?

Drink du jour: What was that IPA in the record shop pub beginning with ‘E’? Epilogue? Epilepsy? Leprosy? No, can’t have been the latter, doesn’t begin with ‘E’. (What begins with an ‘E’? A decent night out!)

Away: 1,405. Never seen so many of ‘em. Took them 8 minutes for a round of ‘Barnsley’s a sh*thole, I wanna go home.’ Point of order on this one, chairman – QPR (or Shepherd’s Bush) is the only place I’ve ever been food poisoned pre-match, vomiting all over a pub wall within an hour of imbibing.

Number of league games since a midfielder owned by Barnsley FC scored a goal: 25. Can someone else check this, please? I can hardly believe it myself. Benson, Palmer, Styles, Brittain, Wolfe….ok, I believe it a bit more now. (FYI, Styles bagged in August. August!) Tell me I’ve missed one…

The Damage:
c. £32 petrol
£3 programme
£18 mugs
= c. £35

The Tunes:
BBC 5Live
Skywriting (The Field Mice)
Craig Charles’ Funk and Soul Show (BBC6 Music)

Queens Park Rangers 2-1 BFC, Tuesday 7th March 2017

‘I don’t feel too good….BLEEEUUUURRRGHHHHH’

Welcome to ....

Another season, another pasting at Loftus Road, and for some of us, an even more dire nite than usual, if one includes projectile vomiting on Shepherd’s Bush high street.  I ate a Mediterranean lamb stew and knocked it back with a pint and a half of Erdinger.  I thought it was the speed I ate and drank these things, but my innards today tell me there was more to that ‘stew’ than met the eye.  Tho any restaurant with a cat eating her dinner at the table (sat on a chair) outside is normally fine by me.  (Her name was ‘Boss’ and she was a 6 month old cutie).   

Nearly there...

Of course, that was before I got IN the pub.  Christ, we should get those 2 guys at the door in our defence.  No away fans, so half our lot pretended to know nowt about football (easy) or had to be picked up at the door by Phil (resplendent in a blue away shirt.  How does THAT work?)  It appeared that if you rocked up in the office attire of jumper and collared shirt, you were in.  Still, Erdinger on tap.  In plastic glasses.  So, they root out the riff-raff and still charge you the earth for the honour of drinking from plastic.  I problies felt sick before I left the pub.

The view from the top tier.

On to the match and at least we’d made the effort to buy a ticket in advance, limited view, £28.  (As expected, there was plenty of space, so we sat where we liked and plonked ourselves right behind the goal).  Marvellous view (as long as the rows in front were empty – they were), and about 6 inches of leg space.  Brentford was similar.  Is West London populated by dwarves?  But pity the poor few (Stu) who bought a ticket on the night: THIRTY SEVEN F***ING QUID.  Now, obviously, Stu only paid cos he likes our company, rarely sees us, and is a masochist anyway.  But this is CRIMINAL.  (Bearing in mind I wouldn’t even have paid the £33).  

I wasn't aware it had closed...

I missed the kick-off, and thereby the chance to see Ben10 mascot us for the hundredth time.  That kid’s made more appearances than Hassell!  I had a good feeling too.  For the first time since EVER, I felt I was going to QPR confidently knowing we are a better team than them.  This lasted for about 3 minutes, or however long I was in the ground when we conceded.  A cross, a flick, and the ball just hit the heel of a forward and trickled in.  Jammy ba5tards.  Still, poor defending, and there was plenty of it 1^st half.

Match action

Thereafter, both sides looked decidedly average.  Scowen put his foot through a couple of shots (over) while Marley (centre forward!) had one chance blocked with Kent blazing the rebound over.  Later, we went 2 on 1 and while Kent overlapped, Armstrong pussied a ridiculous sidefoot effort to the keeper.  Pathetic.  Then, with time ticking at the end of the half, Marley rounds a defender, fires across the keeper…and it’s cleared off the line.  Well covered, dammit.  QPR meantime hit the bar from a header and Davies dived low to his left to save a sweetly connected 20 yarder.  

It can’t be all bad though; Bristol City and Little Lee are losing to Norwich. And say what you like about the cosmopolitan nature (or not) of Oakwell and BFC, but we’ve yet to have an ‘always ar5e club’ a la QUEENS Park Rangers.  If I understood the half time announcement, Shaun Derry is the latest member.  You’d never have guessed to look at him (though the shaven head possibly gives it away.)  That was about it as far as my entertainment went last night.

The salubrious surroundings of the concourse.

2^nd half, I don’t think either side got going.  Mowatt was dragged off in midfield and a re-shuffle brought Bradshaw up top, Scowen moving centre and Marley out wide.  We still looked s***.  Or at the very least ‘unlikely to score’.  Then a ball was whacked out wide by QPR, it hit their man and proceeded to drop kindly for him to run onto and cross.  Jammy ba5tards.  And he whips in a beautiful cross to the front post where MacDonald and their bloke challenge to get the last touch.  Apparently it’s MacDonald.  Jammy ba5tards.  (Only kidding, great cross).

The game meandered on, then Hecky threw on Hedges and Hamill for the last 20.  Finally, we look like something going forward and a hopeful long ball is flicked on with his boot by Hedges and Bradshaw runs on, rounds the keeper and strokes it home.  We have pulled one back.  The atmosphere is still flat.  We know.  That’s it for another evening at Loftus Road.  3 draws, 20 defeats and counting…since our last win here.  It comes to something when fans are reminiscing about a draw, once (Martin Bullock scoring the equaliser, despite trying to clear the bar from under it).

A late free kick is wasted.

*** James.  Put his foot on the ball, rounded people, ran at people, gave himself time and space. 
Otherwise, I’m struggling, so….
** Kent.  Looked dangerous 1^st half.  (I know, I couldn’t believe it either) then disappeared 2^nd (I could believe that).  I’m obviously not the only one exasperated with this fellow, cos one Reds fans was giving him some right abuse, inviting him to p*** off back to Liverpool.  Unless it was Waddington, and he was talking about Hamill…
* Hamill.  At least there was some threat once the maestro came on.

Londontykes' Top 3:
1. James  2. Hamill  3. Roberts

Despatches:I can barely think of a morsel to write about the rest.  Yes, the centre halves cleared a few balls, but yes, the goals came from crosses.  As Stuart said ‘2-1 flattered both teams; it had nil-nil written all over it.’  Another crap nite in the Bush.  And Bristol City equalised.

Onwards and upwards! 

Drink du jour: Erdinger on tap.

Away: 526 Reds fans wishing they were somewhere else from the 1^st minute onwards. 

The Damage:
28 ent

I refuse to give ‘em any more of my money.

Loftus Road panorama

Full time.  Another defeat in Shepherd's Bush.