Bedlington Terriers 2-1 Heaton Stannington, Saturday 24th October 2020

Bedlington Terriers 2-1 Heaton Stannington, Doctor Pit Park, Northern League Division 2, att. 81

Welcome to ....

Why do Bedlington have a sheep on their badge, I wondered?  Turns out it’s not a sheep – it’s a Bedlington Terrier.  But of course it is.  I have no idea what a Bedlington Terrier (the canine kind) is.  But now I do, a silly looking mutt no self-respecting individual would be seen walking down the street with.  Not even Bedlington.  Two dogs (isn’t that an alcopop?) were in attendance, but disappointingly neither were of the local breed.  Oh well.

The Kennels/changing rooms.  Genius.

I got to the ground early.  I’d intended to have a little look around the town centre, but my route took me through there and the phrase ‘nothing to see here’ sprung to mind.  No worse than anywhere else, a couple of pubs and a Greggs summed it up.  But The Terriers were playing Heaton Stannington, from down the road in Newcastle, so I had to make sure I was one of the first 150 through the door.  I needn't have worried.  The crowd was 81, including a decent amount from Heaton.

The social club (with upstairs exec box?)

I was accosted as I entered for the half-time draw.  Go on then.  ‘What do I win?’  ‘Half the pot.’  Sounds good.  I never did hear what the winning number was though.  Did I win?  While I had his notice, I asked him why Bedlington’s crowds were so poor.  It’s not that long ago they won the Northern League 5 times in a row.  ‘You tell me’ came the reply.

The Main Stand

The ‘café’ was just opening so with tea not ready yet, I did a circumference of the ground as both teams warmed up.  From an ‘exec box’ above the social club, to loose chairs in the main (only) stand, to a sign in the tunnel referring to the changing rooms as ‘The Kennels’ (brilliant) it had its quirks.  Two sides of the ground were very enclosed, with neighbours’ back fences providing the outer boundaries.  And with most spectators on the Main Stand side, I had the perfect perch in the second half as I stood on the opposite side inbetween the two benches.

Freestyle seating in the Main Stand.

The first half I stood behind the far goal, with my cuppa.  This was a useful tool to prevent the Covid-police from telling me to put my facemask on.  Bedlington may not have many fans but they had 5 stewards, often patrolling, keeping us safe.  Tea finished, facemask on, I was ready to see the Stan keeper pull off a couple of diving saves right in front of me.  Bedlington looked the better side and the front two were a handful – so Heaton broke upfield and a shot rebounded to Joe Kerridge who drove into an empty net.  Was he 10 yards out, or 20?  I couldn’t tell.

2nd half view, towards the stand(s).

It’d been a hard fought battle and the second was more of the same, on a cloying pitch under a drab sky.  Chances were at a premium when a Terrier took on a defender and the lunging tackle brought a penalty.  This was the cue for the ref to be surrounded by at least 8 away players as they contended that their man had got the ball (putting it out for a corner).  I thought they had a point, but ‘it’s one of those’.  The ref may not have been able to see the touch from his angle.  Even the home manager admitted he’d have been unhappy had it been given against his side.  The keeper dived left, the ball went right.

Heaton defend a corner.

Terrier tails were now up and a few minutes later the ref gave the home side another spot kick.  ‘You’ve had two f***ing shockers ref’ shouted a Heaton sub, though complaints on the pitch were at a premium, as the ref initially allowed play to continue following the foul, with the keeper saving the shot with his legs.  The penalty went the same place as the first, as did the keeper, 2-1 Terriers.  This it stayed despite a couple of late deadball situations, including the keeper coming up for a corner.  And despite a few comments between subs and players, it was all smiles between the benches at the death – as it should be.

The winning penalty.

The Damage:

£5 ent
£1 half-time draw
£1 tea 
= £7

The Tunes:
Whirlpool (Chapterhouse)
Nowhere (Ride)
6 Music (Gilles Petersen)

Behind the far goal.  Didn't Everton's once look like this?

Behind the near goal. (Note: they're leaves, not tickertape.)

The scoreboard.  Switched off dead on full-time.

The home dugout.  An enraged sub?

The dugout touchline with neighbours' back fences.

The Main Stand.

Doctor Pit Park panorama.  Classic alliteration.

The far goal.

The Jack Carter Stand.

A local hedge.  I couldn't resist.

Esh Winning 2-4 Chester-le-Street, Thursday 22nd October 2020

Esh Winning 2-4 Chester-le-Street, The WindowsPlusRoofs Arena (AKA West Terrace), Northern League Division 2, att. 121

Welcome to ...

West Terrace is reputedly the most picturesque ground in the Northern League, so obviously I went when it was dark.  Nestled in the Deerness Valley and not even in Esh Winning (it’s a mile down the road in Waterhouses), it’s certainly surrounded by country rather than concrete.  But there’s no denying the charm of the ground itself, as a high bank at one end affords great views, while a small stand and other buildings give it a higgledy-piggledy appearance.  Yes, it’s gorgeous.

The paddock upon entrance.

I thanked the satnav (again) for finding my way there, arriving just before kick-off.  Turning down a lane to the ground, I parked up in a field adjacent to the stadium, the wheels spinning in the mud.  Still, this gave me something to think about, second half.  Should I try and be one of the first out?  Am I best off letting everyone else go, so if I got stuck I could start pulling branches off trees to wedge under the wheels?  (As it was, I was one of the first away as a gate in the fence led directly into the car park, and no, I didn’t have any problems getting away.)

The teams (apologies for the shadows!)

The entrance was on the opposite side of the ground, down the dark, dark, lane (would I, like Doctor Foster, end up in a puddle right up to my middle?)  Entrance was through an office before hitting the touchline.  Although right on the halfway line and with cover, it wasn’t the ideal place for Covid-19 social distancing.  I walked to the far end, to stand on top of the hill behind the goal.  Even more splendidly, there were three huts atop this bank, containing benches (though I was too late to partake).  Some steps cut through the banking, while water flowed down said steps.  Some natural stream?  (On the way out I had to hop over a small stream to get into the car park, while the actual River Deerness flowed behind the far goal.  Country indeed.)

The banking behind the goal.

The left hand touchline had a collection of old bus shelters (a la Ryton & Crawcrook – or is it the other way around?) so there were numerous possibilities for rain avoidance.  To my right, inbetween the entrance and social club, stood the Main Stand, a fine structure whose roof appeared to be saluting.  All hail Esh Winning FC!  It was a decent turnout too, higher than usual for Esh, boosted by numbers from Chester.

The view from the bank.

The game was competitive, but fraught at times.  Players from both sides were very vocal, complaining at every opportunity.  Unusually though, this was invariably aimed at TEAMMATES.  Esh Winning in particular couldn’t resist a dig.  It was everyone’s else’s fault but their own.  I eventually thought I was imagining it, till I overheard a woman tell her friend in the second half ‘Your old man’s having a great game’.  ‘Well, you wouldn’t think so with the criticism he’s getting’, Mrs Player replied. 

The far touchline (carpark behind)

I’d seen Esh in a friendly at the start of the season and they were full of it, taunting the opposition with ‘they don’t want the ball.’  Well, based on tonight, neither do they.  Passing was what other teams did (or was it the forwards’ fault for not being able to hold a ball up?)  As they threw away a half-time lead, I’d have been tempted to shout ‘heads up’, but their heads were never up, and once Chester-le-Street took control in the second half there was only one winner.  It finished 2-4, but the sails were taken out of Esh halfway through the half when an Esh defender was sent off for chopping a clean through Cestrian.  The punishment was compounded when the rebound from the free kick was volleyed in with aplomb for 2-3.

Spectators behind the goal.

Thereafter it became a procession, with the Esh keeper getting himself pointlessly sent off for handling outside the area in the last minute.  For a second match in a row I’d seen the keeper sent off and replaced with an outfield player.  The free kick cleared the bar.  Now, can I get my car out?

The Damage:
£5 ent
= £5

(Oh, and I would have had a cuppa but the half-time queue was too long in the social club.)

The Tunes:
6 Music (Marc Riley / Gideon Coe)

Esh defend a Le-Street attack.

Floodlight, dugout and Main Stand.

The Main Stand.

Gladiators, I salute you!

A roller has a break.

Main Stand side.

The Deerness End.

Recycling bus shelters and 5 aside pitches.

A bus shelter remains upright as the fence leans backwards.

Garforth Town 1-3 Maltby Main, Tuesday 20th October 2020

Garforth Town 1-3 Maltby Main, Bannister Prentice Stadium (AKA Wheatly Park), Northern Counties East League Premier Division, att. 124

Welcome to .... GTFC!

I was due in Barnsley today to get a signature on a legal document, so what better chance to expand my non-league repertoire from the Northern League?  I contacted my mate Loko and he sourced Garforth, about half an hour from his place near Ferrybridge and an hour down the motorway from my base.  So with typical inevitability, my reason for being down that way dissipated, but I’d made my decision – I was going to Garforth anyway.

Of all the places for him to stand...

I was driving home to County Durham afterwards, so in an effort to appear an all-round great bloke, I picked Loko up, so at least he could have an alcoholic beverage, even if I couldn’t.  Loko did have one job though.  He was navigator, and as we hit Garforth we headed through a new estate to find a football ground parked the other side.  Loko celebrated with a bottle of Black Sheep (takeout only). 

Down the touchline.

Garforth’s claim to fame is that one Socrates once rocked up here for a game (but he was 50, and had chain-smoked his way there).  Still, he’s never played for our team, Barnsley, so let’s not mock.  I knew little-to nothing about Maltby Main, beyond it was a place somewhere near Rotherham and had some link to mining.  (Loko however thought it was in North Yorkshire and the ‘Main’ referred to it being the…errr….main Maltby.  Not to be confused with Lesser Maltby, wherever that may be.

Looking towards the...Tree End?

Anyway, the PA announcer made an early bid for MVP by telling us how many miles Maltby was from Rotherham and Doncaster (I think, 6 and 10 respectively).  He also told us famous ex-residents of Maltby included Fred Truman and Lynne Perrie.  Seriously, I love this guy.  ‘Today, we welcome visitors Newcastle United.  Newcastle is situated 5 miles west of Whitley Bay and 22 miles north of Ferryhill.  Famous ex-residents include Crocodile Shoes’ Jimmy Nail and both Ant AND Dec.’ 

Nicely enclosed.

While Loko had the beer, I couldn’t resist pie and peas from ‘Ralph’s Kiosk’, one of the choicier non-league refreshment parlours.  I could have had a Pot Noodle, but it was the mint sauce wot won it.  Pie and peas every time.  (Mind, I’d brought a ham and pease pudding sandwich to the game.  How northern am I?)  We stood on the far side and admired Garforth’s towering stand opposite.

A cover behind the goal.

The ground is a simple affair.  One brand spanking new cantilever stand with a small paddock in front and nothing else beyond a wooden fence, but it was very tidy.  The food kiosk and bar were behind the Main Stand and they even produced a programme, describing tonite as the ‘Miners’ Derby’ (the visitors having once been the team of the local colliery, while Garforth were founded in a pub, The Miners’ Arms).

The refreshment kiosk.

Garforth had made a great start to the season, three wins and a draw, so were slight favourites based on the league table.  This was borne out by taking the lead just before half-time when a counter attack led to Burton half volleying from the edge of the box into an empty net as the keeper didn’t appear to know where he was meant to be covering.  Loko and I wandered round to the Main Stand and decided to take a pew here for the second half.

High and mighty...Garforth's Main Stand.

Consequently, we had a great view of Maltby’s comeback, three goals in a 9 minute battering, before Garforth had their keeper sent off for racing forwards and taking out the centre forward outside the box.  While treatment was given, the ref considered his options, and eventually sent the keeper off.  Loko thought it was harsh, as there were defenders around, but for me, the defenders had ran past the scene of the crime and if the forward hadn’t have been brutalised, he would have faced an empty net, albeit with a couple of defenders inbetween.  Still a goalscoring opportunity in my view, and an outfield player took over in goal.  Disappointingly, there was no comedy action to be had and Maltby saw out the game without threatening.

I then drove Loko home listening to 5Live when he cheered Manure scoring a last minute winner against PSG in a Champions League group stage match.  What's all that about?  Who cares?  I'm learning stuff about friends that I didn't wanna know...

The view from the Main Stand (apologies, my camera's not the best in the dark).

The Damage:
£6 ent
£1.50 programme
£2.50 pie and pies
£1 tea
= £11

The Tunes:
Grey Area (Little Simz)
Disintegration (The Cure)
Spirit of Eden (Talk Talk)
Death of a Ladies’ Man (Leonard Cohen)

Looking towards the...non-Tree End.

Newcastle Benfield 4-1 Ryhope Community Association, Wednesday 14th October 2020

Newcastle Benfield 4-1 Ryhope Community Association, Sam Smith’s Park, Northern League Division 1, att. 109

Welcome to ....

Benfield are a new team on me.  When I left the north-east for fame and fortune in that there Londontown (achieving neither), Benfield were barely out of nappies, having been founded in 1988.  Initially members of the Northern Alliance League, they joined the Northern League in 2003 and have been members of the first division for 15 years.  They won the title in 2008-09 with an 88^th minute goal at Penrith – the first time they’d been top of the table all season.  It’s all in the timing.  So, formation to Northern League champs in a little over 20 years.  In their finest season, they completed the double, winning the league cup against…Penrith.

Match programme

Fast forward to 2014-15 and ex-Newcastle forward Paul Brayson was scoring 49 goals for them, a feat he repeated in 2017-18.  He’s still there today.  Either he’s very old or time flies.  Or both.  I looked him up, he’s 43, and tonight he scored with a deft Panenka-like flick over the keeper.  Class is permanent.  (In fact, even more so, as in the following game he hit 5.)  Of course, he doesn’t have to run about these days, leaving that to the spring chickens of the side.  Benfield ran riot early doors, 4-0 up after 26 minutes.  It wasn’t that it was all one-way traffic either, as Ryhope had their chances too.  But one side could finish, one couldn’t.  Brayson even thumbed his nose up at a penalty, allowing former RCA player Reece Noble to score against his old mob.

Barriers ready at full-time for the teams.

Despite my predilection for ‘traditional’ Northern League sides (preferably from County Durham), Benfield’s Sam Smith’s Park was a real treat.  It has two proper stands, each side of the pitch, both with decent rakes for a good view.  One is bizarrely situated between the two dugouts, meaning to get into it you walk in front of the dugouts (one can be forgiven for not spotting the you can walk around the back of the stand and pop out next to the home dugout).  There’s also a couple of ‘stands’ or glorified sheds, with a raised platform and that artificial turf stuff you see in traditional greengrocers.  One also contained exercise bikes, which may be linked to the in-house gymnasium behind one goal.

Behind the goal.

The rest of the ground is also tightly enclosed, no large empty spaces behind the touchlines, while there were two (two!) refreshment areas.  One sold beer , which seemed quite popular considering the wet weather.  Though it did offer the bizarre sight of half the crowd not wearing facemasks because they were drinking or eating.  That’s one way around it.  (To be fair, we all had our temperatures taken on entry.)

The dugout touchline.

I watched the 1^st half from the nearside stand, which I thoroughly enjoyed as it became obvious a couple of the incumbents were local non-lge regulars, following anyone who was playing.  Despite being home fans, they sympathised with Ryhope’s plight at half-time, confirming they could have had a few themselves.  At half-time I grabbed a tea and swapped sides, partly to hear the wit and wisdom of the benches (usually the harshest critics of the ref), and the home manager – did I detect an Essex twang? – at one point invited the referee to join in the game.

Coronavirus seating restrictions.

Ryhope did pull a goal back on half an hour, but despite the 1^st half promise, the second half petered out to nothingness as I worried about whether my car would be locked in the carpark next door.  (I still couldn’t bring myself to leave though.)  Luckily, it wasn’t (people were still playing football at the sports centre next door).  All was well in the world.  Now to retrace my steps through the mean streets of Newcastle.  For a country boy, this was Metropolis meets Blade Runner.

The second half view.

The Damage:
£6 ent
£1 programme
£1 tea
= £8

The Tunes:
Debut (Bjork)
Geogaddi (Boards of Canada)

Benfield about to make a sub.

Tonite's teams.

The astroturfed 'terrace'.

Down the touchline.

Looking toward the dugouts.

The Tree End.

Masks ahoy!

Refreshment Bar/Gym End

Changing rooms.