BFC 2-2 Wycombe Wanderers, Tuesday 1st October 2024

‘That’s because...no, I’d better not say.’

A Reds season ticket is a right bargain these days. If you’re a Londontyke, it means an ever decreasing number of Satdy 3pm games due to international breaks and Sky re-scheduling (Reading now having been cancelled due to the number of world class players a side in the bottom half of division 3 has). And for the rest of us, the chance to see Barnsley FC stumble through games against the ilk of High Wycombe Wanderers. It was the same last season, till Sam Cosgrove’s Goal of the Season in injury time. We have now won 1 of 5 home games against Mansfield Town, Northampton Town, Bristol Rovers, Stockport County and Wycombe. Last season, Fortress Oakwell garnered 9 wins and 7 defeats. It’s simply not good enough. Some Reds fans don’t go to away games, so will have been lucky to see half a dozen decent performances in that time.

Last nite was no different. The opening half must have been the most pointless 45 minutes of football since time began. Not a single shot on target from either side, and the player with the most possession must have been Slonina, our keeper, as he wandered around wondering who to give it to before a lump forward. (To be fair, he’s not the only one to have little faith in our defenders to take the ball under pressure.) Surely we have to accept that some teams will press high, it’s de rigeur these days, and surely our players (defenders) practice during the week to take the ball comfortably, pass it off, before making a forward ball through the lines. If not, what’s the point? Dispense with the pantomime and just hoof it up there. Really, Roberts and Pines are not the kind of defenders to be passing it around. At least, not the defenders you WANT passing it around.

Still, Coach Clarke is doing his best. Pre-match, Darrell (loudmouth Darrell, not Darrell Clarke, although...) insisted that what we needed was 4-4-2. Be careful what you wish for, Darrell. It was 4-4-2, Cotter put further up the park, right midfield. This meant Earl playing left back (good) and MDG playing right back (not so good). And two players in the middle who can’t play football for toffee (Roberts and Pines). Still, it was good to see Pines look up, try to spot movement (good luck!) before hoofing it 50 yards to their keeper. Glenn Hoddle he is not (although their belief systems may have something in common).

There was no Phillips (it took me till half-time to notice!) so Lofthouse was left midfield. Craig anchored the midfield, while Connell...took woeful corners and free kicks. I’m not sure he played a part in the game, though upon having a shot, late 2nd half, the Ponty regaled us with Luca ‘putting on a show’. Rarely has a player been treated to such adoration for so little. DKD looked amazing...for ten minutes. He was back to debut form, before disappearing, literally; subbed off. Up top, it was Cosgrove’s turn to get a trot out and it was the usual from him. No goals, lots of imaginary fouls given against.

That first half though...it was awful. Well done the nigh on 2,000 season ticket holders (official attendance 9,800 – yeah, right) who boycotted / couldn’t make it / would prefer to stay at home and watch it in the warmth / were busy doing something with their loft (he knows who I mean!) It was dreadful. And I’m describing a match that eventually produced 4 goals. Truly, the 8th wonder of the world. If it wasn’t for Barry Twinkle Toes and a sublime bit of skill from DKD, that opening 45 would be the very definition of ‘uneventful’.

Second half...well, I’m pleased I didn’t miss too much of the start, cos I got in just as Wycombe scored. Coach Clarke’s half-time pearls of wisdom have taken less than two minutes to bear fruit. It was quite an odd goal too, as a cross to the back post was sidefoot-volleyed back across goal from an acute angle and not one of Slonina or 3 defenders could get to it. We are doomed. Truly doomed.

But what’s this? Clarke decides to meddle early, bringing on Humphreys and Jalo (Jalo Jalo) for Pines and Lofthouse with barely 10 minutes gone of the half. Yes, we were that desperate. A minute later, Humphreys cuts inside on the edge of the box, takes it early and curls one into the far corner of the net. Inspired! Clarke for Manager of the Year! We then spend a few minutes in our attacking third and (some of) the crowd wake up. Jalo cuts inside and hits one wide.

The game is fizzling out, till Cotter is beaten on the right. (Since the changes he’s been forced to right back.) The cutback is crashed off the bar from 3 yards out. We have survived! ‘Cept we haven’t. The Frenchman swings and misses, Earl blocks a shot virtually on the line, the keeper saves the rebound, before it’s stabbed home. We have resolutely passed up every chance of getting rid and now we’re staring defeat in the face. 163 away fans go wild.

We go again. Why do we only look interested in scoring after the opposition have scored? That must be 4 out of the last 5 matches (it didn’t work at Stevenage). We have a spell of 4 or 5 consecutive corners in injury time and Roberts forces the ball home after Benson (Benson!) has his header palmed out. THE GAME IS SAVED! ALL HAIL MARC ROBERTS! LONG LIVE DARRELL CLARKE! We have eked a draw at home to Wycombe Wanderers. 2 points now in 2 home games. This season ticket is a bargain.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Humphreys. Scored, had a bullet header saved. Basically, changed the game.
** Roberts. Scored, but made 2 amazing blocks with his HEAD.
* Cotter. Obligatory Bazza vote. Clearly our best player 1st half, but replaced up the pitch by Jalo later.

Official MOTM: Roberts

Londontykes’ MOTM:
1= Humphreys/Roberts 3. Cotter

Despatches:
Jalo came on and lost the ball more than he didn’t. He’s never gonna be worth anything if he’s less effective than B. Cotter. In the battle of skill v pace, pace wins.

I did feel sorry for Jalo though, getting a yellow card for trying to control a ball that was going out of play. How the ref deemed this ‘time-wasting’ I’ve no idea. Mind, he also won a corner for shooting wide, so swings and roundabouts.

Oh, and at 0-1...or 1-1...The Frenchman slalomed upfield before cutting inside and tempting the defender into a silly challenge. Penalty all day. No penalty. Not that we deserved anything. Worst two-all draw I’ve seen in a long time.

Drink du jour: Clwb Tropica and Duration ‘Another Day Done’ in Heaven and Ale. And pie and peas.

Away: 163. And half a dozen of them outsang Oakwell in the 1st half.

The Damage:
c.£8 petrol
= c.£8

BFC 1-0 Wycombe Wanderers, Tuesday 28th November 2023

‘When I was younger, I once dressed up as Stevie Wonder’

*you should have seen the photo. Imagine a 50 year old white woman all blacked up with a reggae wig. I am STILL laughing, though I know I'm not allowed to these days...

Never leave early. Never. Otherwise, you might just miss out on the goal of the season. Well, when I say ‘goal of the season’, I can confidently say I have NEVER seen a goal like Cosgrove’s injury time winner. Their keeper, as part of a timewasting routine he/they’d spent the second half perfecting, has the ball at his feet, taunting the Reds forward into running towards him before he picks it up. Cosgrove has slowed, but there’s a coming together. The keeper goes down theatrically, but drops the ball in the process. Cosgrove (‘sponsored by Rapid Response’...I’d have previously said ‘Vapid Response’) is onto it in a flash, rounds the keeper and puts it into an empty net. Time stands still. The ref, 40 yards up the pitch, is in line with both players (meaning he can’t see the keeper, nor the collision, given Cosgrove’s size). Everyone holds their breath and waits for the whistle for a free kick. The pause is interminable...but the ref points to the spot. HE’S GIVEN IT! I can only presume he’s had a word in his ear from the linesman, who’s in line (!) with the incident and can point out how Cosgrove had virtually stopped and the keeper made a meal of it. Either way, WOO HOO, we’ve won!

Or have we? Was that 3 minutes into seven (actually 10) minutes injury time? In the very final minute, Wycombe get a free header off a corner. We all wait for the ball to smash the net, only it’s wide. I wonder aloud ‘Was the keeper blocked, or just stood on his line like a lemon?’ The lady in front of me turns around. ‘A lemon.’ Then turns back. We really have won.

I guess here is where I say we fully deserved it, after yet another entertaining, enthralling devil-may-care attacking performance. Or b) 70 minutes of turgidity (please tell me I have invented a word), brought almost to life by Styles being hauled, McAtee dropping to a #10 role, and Jalo causing carnage everytime he had the ball. And, dare I say it, Cosgrove on...whatever the hell he does. (‘err...last minute winners?’)

Within minutes of dropping deeper, McAtee put the ball into open goal areas for our centre forwards (Cole and Cosgrove...’CAC’ for short) to comprehensively avoid. The first, McAtee whips it across goal with the outside of his right boot and Cole is centimetres from touching it in. Cole has no sense that this ball is going to be put into a place he couldn’t possibly miss from. The second was arguably worse, as a ball 3 yards from goal appears to go THROUGH Cosgrove, then Cole, with the keeper stranded. Add the open goal Cole wasn’t fast enough to react to in the first half, that’s a hattrick any ‘sniffer’ would’ve had. He gets hauled for a teenager (Jalo).

It’s now Jalo’s turn to shine. He’s only been given 6 mins (plus injury time) but he runs at the opposition and 2 are booked for hacking him down. The first, the ref plays the advantage and Jalo problies thinks the ref’s not seen it, the 2nd, he nutmegs a defender by the corner flag and is scythed down before he reaches the box. There should have been a third, as he’s wrestled to the floor after the ball is gone, but I guess the ref missed it, following the ball (it was THAT late). Now, is Jalo absolutely brilliant, or was he playing against a tiring defence? And were they deliberately targeting him cos he’s a youngster? Or were they swinging an angry leg at a player who’s a different level? It was certainly an interesting 15 minutes of cloggers (plural) v class.

I’ve seen we had 2 (TWO) shots on target. I can’t remember the other one. If our xG v Lincoln 1st half Satdy was 0.07 (and it included a Cadden 25 yarder well saved), then what was the first half xG for THIS? It was appalling. So another ‘good performance’ from the manager. I think it’s these comments, rather than results, which will do for him in the end. You can fool some of the fans all of the time, all of the fans some of the time, but never all of the fans all of the time. We had another manager fairly recently who liked to polish a turd. Who was it? Asbaghi? Schopp? I can’t remember, but one of them who saw a different game to the masses, never changed his views, and was eventually sacked to no-one’s sorrow*.

*by ‘masses’ I mean those of us willing to sit through this. I’d be amazed if there were even 8,000 in the ground last nite, though the gate was never announced. (10,466, allegedly.)

Half-time came, and once Nozzer recognised me he came over. (I’d cunningly disguised myself with clever use of a pair of reading glasses; otherwise, my attire was as it is every game...red coat, dark blue boot cut jeans, trainers, oversize handknitted red and white scarf...devilishly handsome looks) And the mild mannered janitor had something to say for himself, as he vented spleen on that there ‘performance’. What a rant that was. Truth be told, I think he was just cold and was trying to warm himself up. I enjoyed it. I thought ranting about our ineptitude was one of my ‘skillz’. Word to the wise though: if you want a warm, have a go on the hand dryers in the toilets, they’re lovely and normally restore my moral at HT...ready for a rant! Mind, it was cold. When people say ‘it was freezing’. Can I just say the proof in the pudding was that I had to de-ice my car when I got back to it?

Onwards and upwards!

*** Connell. Lasted another 70 odd minutes and was the class act in our side, reading the game, making passes (short and long), putting in tackles. Just needs his energy back for those drives forward!
** Jalo. It was a cameo, but what a cameo. As long as we give this lad the ball at his feet, we’ve half a chance.
* McCart. Two crucial blocks, one in either half, preventing possible/probably goals.

Official MOTM: Connell

Londontykes’ POTY: 1. Connell 2. McAtee 3. Jalo

Despatches:
Did I say one of their players got a red card for arguing about the goal? I’m not surprised. Imagine if THEY’D scored that goal, what a rumpus there would have been at Oakwell. But let’s not forget, the keeper only had it in his possession cos after a corner he went down pretending to be injured. Tw*t. (Twit!) Similar happened first half too. A corner is cleared to our right, we’re about to whip it back in when a Wanderer is seen lying on the floor holding his head. It’s all defenders have to do these days, go down, holding your head, drop ball, danger averted. My dad always used to moan on that football should take a leaf out of rugby’s book and allow the physio on during play. You’ll soon see who’s play-acting then!

Although we had most of the ball and play, Wycombe had a few breaks they could have done better with. Kane gave the ball away cheaply, leaving Jordan exposed, but thankfully he coped / Wycombe messed up the pass, 2 on 1. Did I say it was the same team as Satdy, meaning another chance for Kane to do nothing further up the pitch? Styles managed this too. Imagine a player who gets 90 minutes for Hungary not being able to pull up trees in the English 3rd division. Puskas must be turning in his grave. Hauled after 60. Same as Satdy v Lincoln, Cosgrove on (CAC!) and McAtee dropping...and McAtee looking different gravy to Styles. 74,. Connell tiring, on comes Phillips. Did he do more or less than nothing? Back in defence, Cadden was his dependable self. Between him, Cotter and De Givigny (from a half cleared corner) there were 3 delicious balls into the ‘corridor of uncertainty’ for Cole to hide behind numerous defenders rather than bust a gut to run to that front post. (Part of me wants to commend the Wycombe defending, but it’s EVERY GAME.) Ahh, Cotter. He has two games, worldie and worldly awful. It was the turn of the latter last nite. Couldn’t put a foot right, yet still wasn’t as bad as the last home game (Fleetwood). Falling over, losing the ball, crossing it into Row Z...he has a plethora of abilities. Over ambitious shooting too, as he attempted a 25 yarder with a defender right in front of him (blocked). But if you saw what we had up front...Anyway, O’Keefe came on and his first input was to let a gentle ball go under his foot for a throw. (Insert blaspheme here.) De Givigny I didn’t really notice. But it got me thinking….is he standing out above McCart every game purely cos he’s in the middle of the three, thereby gets to do a lot of the easy stuff? Anyway, just a thought. Did he have the header which for all the universe looked over, but somehow hit the bar? (The keeper collected the rebound as we stood and watched.) Jordan played quite well, but I am starting to be of the opinion he’d better out wide, with Lopata in the back 3. Though that would bring an end to my love affair with Cotter. Brilliant, or batsh*t, at least he invokes SOMETHING, at least he makes me feel SOMETHING. I could watch Kane all day and never get beyond ‘meh’. Kilip? Nothing to do apart from come out and claim that last minute corner. He didn’t.

Drink du jour: Leffe in Wetherspoons with the Galvins. And I hope Lord Selwood will be proud of me…I had the vegetarian curry! (‘as part of a calorie controlled diet’…as the ads used to say.)

Away: c.200. It was never announced. Perhaps another victim of our lack of admin campaign (Horsham anyone?)

The Damage:
c.£8 petrol
= c.£8

BFC 0-3 Wycombe Wanderers, Saturday 20th August 2022

‘Spacker!’

The first 4 shirts I saw in Barnsley town centre on Satdy were Man City, Man City, Arsenal and Dirty Leeds. On a matchday! Have some civic pride, Barnsley. Mind, I also saw a Wigan Warriors shirt and some Aussie rugby league shirt or other. Then a Blunts shirt on the way to the match. He was obviously a loyal Blunt as well, given they were also at home. Did he really wear his shirt just to annoy the hundreds (dozens) of Reds fans heading up to the ground? Anyway, he got a mouthful, and not just off me.

As a special treat, Diane was driving back, so I could drink as much as I could God damn pleasey this week. So 3 whole pints of a lowish percentage pale ale. What’s happening to me? Nowhere near enough to drown the effects of the match, a humbling nil-three to a side with half our budget (yet strangely containing Alfie Mawson) and on a run of 3 successive defeats. Another Londontyke who may or may not have been holidaying in Corsica didn’t know where this result or performance came from. I suspect there are others, such as myself, who found the game strangely comforting. It was entirely predictable. The more things change, the more they remain the same, etc. ‘Chalk and cheese from Tuesday night’ (3-0 v Bristol Rovers) one fan said to me. ‘Chalk and chalk from the Cheltenham game’ I replied. (Yes, I know we won, but I said they were poor. Unfortunately, Wycombe weren’t.)

I’d not long been marvelling at Mawson’s aimless clearances (what’s happened to him?) when he dinked a gorgeous 40 yard throughball for their centre forward, Although he controlled the ball into traffic, a little pass here and a 20 yarder there, 0-1. Quality goal from their perspective. Our 1st half output was a Cundy header off a corner, nicely tipped over, and Aitchison, snatching at a chance and driving it straight at the keeper from 12 yards with both corners gaping. You can’t teach composure. And that was it. That was our GOOD half.

Second half, we were played off the pitch and Wycombe scored 2 excellent goals, the like of which we’re incapable. (Actually, we’re also incapable of scoring those scrappy 6 yarders too.) The ball runs loose and a 45 yarder is looped over Collins. Is he the only keeper I know to be done from this distance at least twice (Stoke home, 3 years ago)? Very probably. Another Reds fan in the pub (I forget his name, one of Nozzer’s mates who talks incessantly, won’t listen and interrupts when you have the temerity to speak…anyway, him…not Darrell (altho’…) ….said summat about the wind giving us problems. That’s true. It was windy for us. Not for them. Then another slick move where their players MOVE and our players WATCH leads to another fine finish. Wycombe may not get promotion, but they’re streets ahead of us. Our attacking response? A low left wing cross which Cole runs to but misses the ball (a defender pressurising him). That’s it. I can’t remember us having a shot, nevermind missing a chance.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Nobody. He’s back. Strong in defence.
** Nobody. Best midfielder we had.
* Nobody. He was everywhere up front.

Official MOTM: None. We’re back to being mardy. Lose and it’s none of ‘em!

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1= Andersen / Benson 3. Kitching

Despatches:
Top marks to the Oakwell DJ at full-time, as he played the Inspiral Carpets ‘This is how it feels.’

So this is how it feels to be lonely
This is how it feels to be small
This is how it feels
When Wycombe score a goal

Not that most of the crowd heard it, Oakwell emptying at three-nil (a slight improvement on last season’s leaving at two down; are fans more hopeful of a comeback at this level?)

Top marks to those of you who found a top 3. I see Benson mentioned a couple of times. Christ. Did he even kick the ball? I thought Scowen did alright…but hang on, he doesn’t play for us anymore. Mawson had nowt to do, and McCarthy came on for the Holy Trinity. For us…I remember Kitching making another great 40 yard run down the middle of the pitch. Why can’t our attacking / creative players run with the ball? Otherwise, I watched as Mads Andersen stood 3 yards off a player about to shoot. I thought he’d be one of those Reds players a half-decent side might be interested in, but not if he can’t do the basics.

Regards the ref, I know it's the done thing to criticise him for not giving us 17 penalties, but my main remembrance was of Norwood conning him into giving us 2 free kicks with outrageous dives. Still, at least he (Norwood) made an impression. Be good if it was a positive one though. Please tell me we haven't handed over oodles of wages for a player whose only ability is to cheat?

To finish on a positive, I don’t think we’ll go down. (Famous last words.)

Drink du jour: Atlantis pale ale in Spiral City.

Away: 283.

Today’s take home: It’s going to be a difficult season without a forward line.

The Damage:
c.£34 travel
£48 away shirt. Get ‘em while they don’t have a sponsor!!!
= £82

I couldn’t be bothered to buy a match programme, given the cartoonish front covers of this season. Is some GCSE art student on work experience? I can’t decide if this season’s programme covers annoy me more than last season. A very petty grievance most of you will say, but at least it takes my mind off the football.

The Tunes:
BB6 Music (Radcliffe and Maconie / Huey Morgan / Craig Charles’ Funk and Soul Show)

BFC 2-1 Wycombe Wanderers, Saturday 16th February 2019

‘I’ll come in your box anytime.’

It's a fine day as we head to Oakwell.

Another week, another win.  It’s getting boring now.  And I don’t know if anyone else noticed, but Wycombe were another form side coming to t’Well, 11 points from their last 6, so were no mugs.  And so it proved in an entertaining first half which we largely controlled, yet Wanderers had their chances.  Cavare made an amazing block to prevent a certain goal at the Ponty End, while Davies later made a great save (ok, the ball was hit that hard it just hit him, but he was getting his body across the goal and deserved his piece of fortune).  But otherwise, it was all us.

Another week...another commemoration.  Gordon Banks R.I.P.

We’d taken an earlyish lead, on twelve or so minutes, as Bahre (in for the injured Kiefer) ghosted in from behind the defender and was taken out.  The Wycombe fans we met later felt the player was already going down, but it looked stonewall to me; their lad simply hadn’t seen him and as he nicked the ball he was kicked.  Cauley stepped up to send the keeper the wrong way, 1-0. Otherwise, Penniless hit a 25 yarder which the keeper just about got to, while Mowatt missed the chance of the day, somehow missing from 8 yards with only the keeper to beat.  (Clue: it was on his right foot)

Cauley slots home the pen.

In the second half, we looked streets ahead of Wycombe but without anything to show for it, until some bloke called Hedges (Hedges!!) split the defence with a throughball down the left and Jacob Brown crossed the ball low for Cauley to run onto and hit first time high into the net. Pure class, Barnsley.  And Hedges had only been on the pitch for a minute, having come on for Thiam (Stendel must have been confident; Thiam didn’t look injured).

Stadium improvements at t'Well.  New door on East Stand turnstiles.

Before then, one of their players got himself injured; maybe it was the way he landed? But it looked serious, cos he just didn’t move.  Eventually, with physios and stretcher-bearers surrounding him, he recovered, which was good news as far as I was concerned, cos I was beginning to envisage another visit from the Air Ambulance and our match called off (honestly, I was concerned for their player to BEGIN with!)  Course, this meant 10 minutes of injury time (after 12 last week) and we were aiming for a 17:11 train out of Barnsley.  Andy I agreed: if we were two up we’d catch that train.

The Wycombe hordes.

So it was that we missed 5 minutes of the injury time, just as the match was (literally) kicking off.   Challenges were flying in from all angles and McGeehan’s wild lunge on the halfway line resulted in a  yellow.  Stranger, their bloke reacts by getting up and pulling his HAIR.  Y’know, like a GIRL.  (Casual sexism ahoy!).  But seriously, if this was at school, back in the day, a boy pulling hair would’ve been laughed out of the place.  At least get sent off for PUNCHING McGeehan.  But I’m guessing ‘El-Abd’ is not from these parts and was brought up under a different set of cultural rules and expectations.  Still, it took the ref over a minute to send him off, as the player refused to answer to the incessant whistling.  Both Andy and I thought he’d have got away with a yellow had he come to the ref straightaway.

The Ponty v Wycombe.

Then we left, and apparently Wycombe scored a debatable pen.  How does that happen?  They go down to 10 men and we find it MORE difficult?  But not to worry, it’s soon game over and Andy can put his phone in his pocket and breathe easy.  The promotion push continues.
In a word: cruising

Onwards and upwards!

*** Cauley Woodrow.  Another week, another two goals.  Kiefer who?

** Pinniloss.  Solid throughout and helped out in attack.

* McGeehan.  Up and down, driving forward, getting shots off, finding his own men, winding the opposition up…

Londontykes' MOTM: TBA

Akinfenwa v Pinnock.  Spot the difference.

Despatches:Davies was excellent in goal (again).  Lindsay and Pinnock were both excellent.  I really enjoyed the latter turning his man at one point and strolling out with the ball.  Bahre ran around doing I’m-not-quite-sure-what, while Mowatt was his tidy self.  There were several little one-touch moves around midfield that can unlock a defence in the blink of an eye (witness the 2^nd goal). Brown had another good game, while Thiam looked good enough to keep on, but wasn’t.  Hedges got a good run out, but I can’t remember him doing owt beyond THAT pass, while Dougall was brought on late on to shore up things…but didn’t.

The Wycombe lads on the train said their keeper kept them in it (Cauley had a superb header superbly tipped over, denying him a hattrick).  Mind, they also said Davies was in the top 2 keepers in the division (they were young, bless).
And I presume everyone noted Moncur scored again for Luton?  That’s something like 4 in 130 minutes for them, as opposed to his 1 in 130 days for us.  (I haven’t worked that out, just a rough guess!)  Oh, and why did I explain several times in the club shop that the Toby Tyke gnome I was buying was mos' def' NOT for me.  It's for a friend in The Netherlands, honest.  No, REALLY.

Drink du jour: Late train meant time for a mere one (Weihanstephaner) in the #7. Stella and Kroney in the loud and quiet pubs in Donny.  Vodka and orange and a couple more wheat beers in the Parcel Yard.  

Away: 411.  

The Damage:
£8.30 train (due to refunds)
£3 prog
= £11.30

The Tunes:
Mixmag Sept 11 (Sven Vath)
Blue Bell Knoll (Cocteau Twins)

Panorama v Wycombe.

Match action in front of the old Main Stand.

Gordon Banks.  The only English goalkeeper to have won a World Cup.

Home Sweet Home.  The mean streets of Peckham.