BFC 3-1 Stevenage, Saturday 31st January 2026

‘She’s no spring chicken. She’s nearly 62!’

It’s the age old (25-26) conundrum: will our forward players outscore what the defensive players concede? Cos we’ll never keep a clean sheet. This week, we’re two goals in front, playing some of our best football of the season, when Captain Fantastic plays a loose pass straight to their bloke in front of goal. And to compound the error, while said player’s run is blocked by a covering defender, Luca is too busy holding his head in his hands to track back and an opponent runs past him to finish his mate’s pass. Still, no worries. We haven’t lost at home from two goals up since...well, since last month (Mansfield, Boxing Day). And that comeback began with a self-imposed error too. A pity, as Connell had been fantastic till then, including playing a couple of super balls through for Kelly and a 40 yard crossfield pass to Cleary.

Half-time, 2-1. Someone, possibly Woody, points out that’s 4 goals Luca has created in 2 games, a record. And there’s me the other week bleating he never sets up owt. We’ve been superb, save for the (usual) aberration. Coach Conor has gone 4-4-2, DKD and McG up top, 2 wingers (Cleary and new loanee Banks) with Connell and Kelly centre mid. No place for the GOAT. Must be saving him for his move to Barca….cos anyone who can’t get in the team ahead of Connell...etc

And we are great going forward. The understanding between our forward-thinking players is the best we’ve had in years. And we only have to make it till midnite tonite for the January transfer deadline to shut. Oh. I knew there was a rabbit off, playing Cleary, DKD and Kelly. Are we losing one, two or all 3 come Monday?

We go ahead around 15 mins in. Kelly has already missed a sitter when McG outpaces a defender (I still can’t believe I’m writing this) to wrap his leg around the ball to score. Their centre half had a slower turning circle than the Ark Royal, though he was on the verge of recovering when McG realized he couldn’t take the extra touch so went for goal instead. Quality.

DKD makes it 2 on the half hour, picking the ball up, waltzing past a defender, then side-footing it in off the far post. Finisher supreme. His 2nd, after half-time, is another peach. Banks plays a ball behind the defender, but DKD’s movement is top notch, ghosting in to round the keeper and put it in the corner. I read that he’s scored more than anybody in the EFL in the past year. We’ll miss him when he’s gone.

Thereafter, we simply see the game out. The subs don’t help, as he takes off DKD, Cleary and Kelly. Our 3 most sellable assets. Saving them for Tues? A wonderful coincidence? Or selling them for a knockdown fee? Time will tell. About 2 hours time, to be precise. And thanks for taking the obligatory short corner to waste time yet instantly lose the ball that we had on 87. Just tell me I needn’t bother watching the rest of the game if we’re not interested in scoring and I can jump in my car early.

Onwards and upwards!

*** DKD. Another couple of quality finishes.
** Kelly. Up and down like a bride’s nightie. (Haven’t heard that one in years.)
* McGoldrick. Effort, class, and a first class finish.

Official MOTM: DKD

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Kelly 2. DKD 3. McGoldrick

Despatches:
Last time I looked, we were 7 pts behind play-off Hudds, 5 games in hand. Now it’s 12, yet performances (and results) like Satdy retain the illusion of hope. Beat Northampton tomorrow (a foregone conclusion, surely – they’ve lost 4 in a row) and it’s 9 pts and 4 games in hand. And if we keep Cleary, DKD and Kelly...well, even if we do, all these Satdy-Tuesday-Satdy-Tuesday games will take their toll. We should have played Northampton when we had chance. Even without Yoga, Russell, the GOAT and all of our other internationals, we’d have stood a decent chance. Now we’ll just be running our superstars into the ground. You’ll see.

And talking of keeping the 3 musketeers…I thought it was odd when they played Satdy. OF COURSE the ‘January window’ doesn’t close at the end of January. It closes today, the 2nd of February. (Forgive me, I’m not glued to Sky Sports.) The big news as I write is that Luton are after Luca Connell. Fingers crossed. They must be getting the gang back together…they signed Devante Cole last week. Good luck to ‘em, that’s what I say.

The players? Keeper Goodman had nowt to do. Watson was immense at left back (though I detest that coaches think right back and left back are interchangeable). O’Keeffe, O’Connell and Shepherd failed to make any howlers, though disappointingly there was no Shep Flop. Stevenage were a poor team. How did they score!?

Banks made a promising debut, a solid 7/10, while Connell had a good game. Subs Yoga, GOAT and Cleary’s replacement from Wolves (Chirewa – remember his name, cos I won’t) made no impression whatsoever.

And the ref. I can handle refs making incorrect decisions, but when you've just seen their centre forward try to slam dunk the ball into our net, and you've given the free kick, surely a yellow card follows? (A 2nd yellow, as it would've happened). I presume the assessor had something to say about that one.

Drink du jour: Beartown Inception and Beavertown Satellite (2.8%) at Spiral City. I thought I’d give the 2.8% a chance (driving). I’ll not make that mistake again. Tasted like slightly creamy water. (Reedy wasn’t impressed either.) Left most of it.

Away: 205 (9,823). 2nd bunch this season I never heard a peep out of. Worrying home attendance (again)…considering we could all bring a mate for a tenner. Problem is, we’ve no mates who wish to come. It could be free and it wouldn’t make a difference. But at least the club are trying.

The Damage:
£38.50 away shirt
£31 home shirt
c.£7 petrol
= c.£76.50

BFC 0-1 Stevenage, Saturday 25th January 2025

‘Someone do SOMETHING!’

It’s all my fault. I went to this game thinking we might actually WIN. OK, we lost last week at Bristol Rovers, but we created chance after chance. And we’d won our last 2 home games. Ok, not enough to presume the ‘Oakwell Curse’ is over, but we WERE playing host to a midtable side whose playing budget is a faction of ours (whose budget is a fraction of Huddersfield’s, whose budget...etc) I was wrong. It happens to the best of us. It was abysmal from start to finish. Especially the finish. The team was rubbish, the fans were rubbish, even the half time entertainment was rubbish (I’m told) as the local bowling alley’s mascot suffered a deflating head. (I know, I know. The local bowling alley HAS A MASCOT!?)

It started well. When I say ‘well’, I mean we were 20 minutes in when O’Keefe beat a man wide right. He has all the time in the world and 3 choices: 1. Have a shot. It’s at an angle, but hey, maybe the rebound will drop for Watters. 2. Slide the ball in low inbetween defence and keeper, make our forwards earn their corn. Or 3. Blaze the ball over everybody. Obviously it was the latter. He knew I needed the toilet. However, as I walked through the concourse, I see on the TV screen we’re on the attack. I stop, I watch O’Keefe beat his man. Oh my God, I’m watching a replay of what I’ve just SEEN. There’s obviously a delay on the feed of about 15 seconds. How comes we can watch games in real time the other side of the planet, yet a game 50 metres away has a delay? Oh, and while you’re answering, tell me why the Oakwell scoreboard didn’t work either. Which was annoying in the second half, as we wondered how much longer we’d have to watch this garbage.

But Coach Clarke to the rescue. A stern talking to at half-time, some tactical juggling, maybe a substitution? None of it. They came out and repeated what we’d just seen. Except Stevenage were starting to sense we were incapable of stringing a move together, let alone having a shot. They were daring to raid our backline and Kilip was forced into a few saves, nothing amazing, but enough for me to decide he’s my MOTM as we entered injury time at nils apiece. The board is put up: 6 minutes. We’ve still time to...concede. 2 minutes into injury time, the inevitable...a cross comes in. It’s over Kilip and onto the backpost where Stevo has run inbetween O’Keefe and Roberts to head in from a yard out. It’s nothing less than Stevenage deserve. Well done them. I don’t wanna be in the play-offs anyway. (I do.)

Onwards and upwards!

*** No-one. I ummed and arred. Kilip? Nwakali? Both had pretty good games, but I’m going to be ruthless. Neither did enough to warrant a ‘MOTM’ vote.
** Kilip. Made 6 saves but caught out of position for the goal.
* Nwakali. Always looks to play the ball forward, but today he reminded of a Yank football quarterback, no options and forced to run around in circles with the ball.

Official MOTM: Phillips. Met with mirth and/or consternation, I can only presume it was one of those ‘protest votes’ by the sponsor.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Nwakali 2. Kilip 3. O’Keefe

Despatches:
We had ONE shot on target, a deflected effort from substitute Gent. DKD had another couple of shots, wide or blocked. And that was it. We never even got close to creating anything. So well done Coach Clarke for dropping Russell and playing Connell further forward, ahead of Nwakali. He was abysmal (Connell, that is) and was given 83 minutes to prove it. Gent came on after 67 for Faruggia and was definitely a step down, despite the shot. He did though take our XG from 0.06 to 0.09. Woo hoo! The best of the subs was Humphreys, who at least made a couple of enterprising dribbles in his 20 minutes.

In defence, Roberts was given another trot out. I’d leave him in the stables with the others. His inability is a liability. If he can’t control a football by now, no amount of practice will do otherwise. 4 wins in a row without him, 2 defeats in a row, with. Tho MdG was missing today, replaced by McCarthy, who didn’t cover himself in glory either, with one mess up nearly punished. Earl was by far the best of the back 3. Wingbacks O’Keefe and Farrugia had some promising moments…till they had to give the ball to another Red, who’d invariably give it away. In midfield, Phillips was terrible and Connell little better. DKD TRIED (failed) to score, but nothing he did came off. And as for Watters, 13 touches tells its own story.

Drink du jour: House Party IPA in Spiral City.

Away: 195 (10,831). Or 2 more than Crawley, last home game.

The Damage:
c.£8 petrol
= c.£8

Stevenage 2-1 BFC, Tuesday 9th April 2024

‘Our boy Spot is a gentle giant. He likes to come down for lots of fuss and licks your hand in appreciation. He can even be seen relaxing in our office on the sofa and has such a loving personality you can’t help but fall in love with him.’

It is the dawn of a new era. We have gone from BC (‘Before Cat’) to AD (‘After Death of cat’). After ten glorious years with us, Redfearn, AKA Redders / Reds / Redfearndinho / Big Cat / Little Fella / Puss / Puss’cat / Fat Boy / Super Purry Animal / Fur Features / Cuddle Cat / T. Cat / Tibbles has bitten the dust. Taken away by cancer in the prime of his life (ok, in human years, 72...about average in my family) his weight had plummeted in 3 months from 7.5kg to 4.5 as his eating fell off a cliff. For those of us attempting to lose some weight, there’s a top tip in there somewhere.

So it was that my long envisaged few days down in the capital to see us obliterate Charlton and Stevenage were…obliterated. Like the Super Reds, really. We’ve now more away defeats in 4 days than we had all season. Perfect timing with the play-offs looming. Can we still miss out on a not-very-coveted semi-final place? Well, we’re trying, though I wouldn’t say the forthcoming fixtures are quite kind enough for BOTH Lincoln and Oxford to overtake us.

Yes, we managed to lose again, in what many were saying was our worst performance of the season. It was certainly the worst I’d seen. Worse than Cambridge home, just the other week? I’d say so. A terrible opening half was bettered (worsered?) by an abysmal second. I was just pleased that Farnham was there to give his usual half-time assessment of ‘I hope that was our bad half’. It wasn’t. It’s not quite what I’d envisioned for our historical first ever visit to Stevenage.

Somehow, we were level at half-time. The Boro (why did they drop the ‘Borough’ part of their name, to sound as dull as anywhere else?) spurned 3 goalden opportunities to take the lead before a ball over the top from keeper Roberts was latched onto by Phillips, who nonchalantly lobbed the keeper. A finish so cool I had to rub my eyes and double check it wasn’t McAtee. As it was at the far end, debate abounded as to how he wasn’t offside, and whether the kick was a goal kick. Our minds had collectively drifted at the anaemic performance. (It was a free kick from the edge of our box.)

Beforehand, they’d had two free headers (directed at the keeper) and a tap-in from a fantastic run and cross from their right, which the centre forward somehow scuffed wide from 3 yards. I thought only WE had players who could do that.

After our goal we enjoy our best spell of the match. Russell goes clear but a mix of defender and keeper put the block on. Have we broken Boro’s spine? Onwards to victory! Or not. It’s the 2nd minute of 5 mins injury time and their bloke cuts inside from the left and drills it low into the bottom corner. Now, I may be being a bit harsh on Roberts, but from where we were (right in front of where the player cuts inside) there’s only one place their bloke can score and it’s Roberts’ near post. There’s that many other players in the centre, he’d have trouble finding the net that way. However, the defence hardly cover themselves in glory, panicking, losing their men and running towards the 6 yard box like headless chickens.

Hopes that their goal would wake us up at half-time prove false. Coach Collins sends em out and tells them to carry as before. Cosgrove fails to get on the end of a wicked RW cross before they go ahead with a free kick that avoids the wall entirely and curls into the middle of the goal. How does Roberts NOT save that? That’s two (weak) free kicks in 2 games he’s conceded. Do we have anyone who can practice weak free kicks, so he’s ready for the next one? (That’s rhetorical.)

Then Roberts keeps us in it with 3 magnificent saves. I’d have preferred him to do this at nil nil. We get a bit lucky when another shot cannons off the post from 20 yards, their attacker getting the shot off despite being surrounded by 4, 5 Reds defenders. We are awful.

By now, Coach Collins has sprung into action. He’s only gone and sent on CAK (Cole and Kane) for Cosgrove and Russell. Heaven help us. Herbie somehow punts a ball out for a corner with his 1st touch. Cole fails to get on to the end of a delicious RW ball (I tell you, it’s EVERY game!) but, with maybe 10 mins left, he’s clean through. How did that happen? He’s 10 yards out, pulling his leg back…even I have to admit he’s scoring this one...when he’s taken out from behind. Bl**dy hell. It’s a penalty, and a sending off to boot. The defender makes no intention of playing the ball. There’s no way he even can. The ref waves play on. (He’s poorly positioned, directly behind the defender and Cole, but what’s the linesman doing? Not watching play, that’s for sure.) Still, a more reasonable man than I would say we got what we deserved, which was absolutely f.all.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Nobody. It was shoddy from front to back.
** Nobody. Honestly, Nobody shone throughout.
* Nobody. I’m almost tempted to give Roberts a point. Or Phillips. But I won’t, cos I’ve come over all Tom (petty).

Londontykes’ MOTM: TBA

Despatches:
For the uninitiated, the football magazine 442 listed its top 50 EFL players in this month’s edition. Now, obviously, they do it to provide discussion / controversy by including some League 1 and 2 players. (Are you telling me at least 40 of the best 50 don’t play for the current top 4 in the Championship?) So obviously they include 2 (TWO) Reds players. Are you starting to laugh yet? Which two, do you think? My guesses were Connell and MDG. Yes, I know Connell is half the player he was last season, but who else could POSSIBLY be in 442’s thoughts? McAtee? Ah, but he’s not ours. Can I have a drum roll, please? I give you CAK. Cole and Kane. I kid you not. At #27 and #25 respectively (I’m told – I haven’t actually read it. Christ, I thought it was a FOOTBALL magazine. The least I’d expect a football magazine to know about is FOOTBALL.) Two players who wouldn’t (and didn’t, last nite) make our starting XI. The world has gone MAD. I just wish this edition had come out in December and convinced some mug to buy them (BOGOF?) in January.

Oh, Jalo came on last nite, so that was good news. He got chopped 3 times in 5 minutes. Tho I wish the older bloke on the supporters coach would stop calling him JLO. That’s Jenny from the block (used to have a little, now she has a lot). Had a half chance, disappointingly dragged wide.

Cosgrove. Where to start. Just insert any game from his entire season (apart from that last 30 seconds at home to Wycombe). Defenders can do what they like with him without recourse, but the minute a defender goes over it’s their free kick. We had a doozy last nite, as their keeper came out to punch and cleaned out his own defender. Free kick for a foul by Cosgrove. It’s getting silly.

Oh, and thanks in despatches to Nice Guy Chris, having a pint ready for me in the social club. The place was large too and I got to see their mascot, Boro Bear. There was another social club behind the away end. It’s embarrassing that a club that were non-league last week (it seems) have fan facilities far superior to our own. What do we have? A posh bar in the East Stand you have to pay a fiver just to get into?

Course, I only had time for a rushed pint cos I came down with the official supporters club. Why get there a couple of hours before kick-off when you can make it one (with half an hour at Peterborough services)? It’s a long way to come to watch that sh*te, so the least I’d want is chance to have a beer with my mates. Oh well. Maybe I need to enquire about the unofficial coaches. Mind, have you ever known a bus with 4 Allans (Alans) on it? Me neither. But I did last nite. (And one of them wasn’t even Bloore). You don’t have to be over 50 and called Al(l)an to be an official supporters club traveller, but it helps.

Mind, the unofficial coaches will have some of our best nobheads on, won’t they? Yoof who are keen to dole it out, but when one of their charges gets chucked out for being a d*ck, they’re all squealing ‘but he’s only 16!’

Once again, we were regaled with the ‘Neil Collins, your football is s***’ chant. True, but still. The same boo boys were deriding the long balls...though seemed happy enough when Phillips scored from the longest of them. I do share their frustration though. We either tippy-tappy it about (hello Herbie!) or launch it long to players who can’t win a ball, nevermind hold it up (Hi Devante!). I have never known a set of supporters feel so low as they enter the play-offs. Yes, I’m still saying we’ll make the play-offs.

R.I.P. Redders. Love you.

Drink du jour: Level Up IPA. Very nice.

Away 769.

The Damage:
£25 ent (£1 admin fee)
c.£8 petrol
£27 coach
= c.£60

Stevenage P-P BFC, Saturday 20th January 2024

‘Another week unbeaten.’

I’ve been looking forward to this for ages. It’s Barnsley’s first ever visit to Stevenage and the only League 1 ground I’ve not seen the Super Reds play at. Thus, I’m treating myself, getting the train. Get there nice and early, meet up with the Londontykes and find the best drinking hole before staggering on to watch the football through a haze. Sounds like a plan.

Setting off on a 7:30 train and travelling via Leeds, I arrive at Stevenage at 11:02. It’s a mild, sunny day but there’s a pitch inspection at 11am. As the weather has been ok for a few days, surely this is a formality. However, the decision has been bottled and there’ll be another inspection at 1. Time to be concerned. We head up to the old town, 20 or so minutes’ walk in the wrong direction from the ground and have a quick snifter in the Wetherspoons before heading to the Six Hills Brewery tap room, ‘The Broken Seal’, which doesn’t open till midday.

The others drift in over the next hour, including an old uni mate who I’ve dragged over from St. Albans. He’s coming to the game too, the fool. A plethora of quaffable ales are imbibed. It is, without doubt, my favourite away drinking hole of the season (and the company’s great too). And it’s a good job, as word comes through of the inevitable. The match has been postponed, less than 2 hours before kick-off, with the majority of Reds fans already in or around Stevenage. It’s like Exeter, last season, or Charlton a few years back. There is absolutely zero consideration for away fans travelling long distances. Why decisions like this can’t be taken the day before, only the EFL know.

In the end, I nearly miss my train back. I’ve cleverly elected not to let food get in the way of drinking and it’s touch and go whether I’ll make it. That would’ve just topped it off. Still, I’m an eternal optimist, and today’s cancellation brings several improvements in our players; Phillips didn’t sky any over, Shepherd didn’t gift the opposition a dozen chances in the 1st 10 minutes, Cole didn’t hide behind any defenders, Jordan didn’t look confused and Kane looked faster than usual. However, Watters was still dogsh*t. Plus ca change.

Drink du jour: Anything and everything. I know it started with a Leffe...

Away: c1,000+. I hope they enjoyed their day as much as I did.

The Damage:
£47 travel

BFC 2-1 Stevenage, Saturday 23rd December 2023

‘..and I hardly brought any back up’

Today will live long in the history of Barnsley. No, not the football club. The town. YES, IT’S HERE! After God knows how many years, with a meagre budget of five million pounds, the bridge over the River Kwai railway is FINALLY OPEN. Whooppee! One can finally walk from the town centre to Oakwell without need to go via the crossing within the railway station (and beyond, for a good 3 years we weren’t even allowed this); without need to walk through the Alhambra (Barnsley version); without a forced march with the Galvins (midweek) via Wellington Street. Now, we can walk and bask in the glory that is the .... Bridge (tell me it’s got a name?).

I am, of course, enraged. 5 million pounds? And the rest. 12 mill it cost in the end. Built to rid us of our risk to safety as we used the level crossing at Jumble Lane. Yes, there were idiots on a matchday sometimes, running across as the barriers came down, but the safety risk was limited to imbeciles surely not long of life anyway. As someone (Hicksy?) pointed out the other week...if National Rail want to close all level crossings based on safety, what are they going to do in a place like Lincoln, where the rail track is essentially one level crossing after another? SAFETY? Instead, we now have a 12 million pounds bridge which brings you to the WRONG F***ING SIDE OF THE ROAD (cos Gala Bingo wouldn’t sell a bit of their plot, as is their right). The wrong side of the road. Which means you now have to cross 2 lanes of road, and/or the slip road from Harborough Hills Road. Suffice to say, I’ve never felt more UNSAFE than dodging traffic after the bridge, than I ever did from a train I’ve been warned is coming. If there’s a council competition to name the multimillion pounds edifice they’ve now blighted the town with, I vote ‘The White Elephant.’

And no, I’m not finished. Coming back after the match, I overhear a couple of conversations. ‘Should this bridge have been built?’ ‘No.’ Terse didn’t do this gentleman justice. ‘It’s like walking on a badly laid carpet.’ I heard another. I know what he meant, if only he’d said ‘a badly laid felt roof.’ The structure itself may well be ‘striking’ (ie, large) but it’s entirely out of keeping with crossing 2 lanes of rail track. 12 million pounds. 12 f***ing million. Thank goodness we are not going through any kind of cost of living crisis. Thank heavens Barnsley is the kind of place that can afford to chuck around this kind of money on vanity (sorry, SAFETY projects). It should almost be a cause of celebration that we no longer have to walk via the railway station (and beyond). Instead, I suspect that as long as I live, I shall walk to Oakwell incredibly f***ing angry that the taxpayer has had to shell out on this overbearing monstrosity.

Thankfully, within 4 mins of kick-off, I was livid again. In the opening minute, they’d launched one, won a flick on, and been clean through down our left. So we learnt our lesson, and it took the opposition 3 whole minutes to go ahead via the same route. Only this time, the attacker picks up the ball, cuts inside 2...3 Reds...and curls a ball to the far post. Great save from Roberts. But it drops nice for their other forward to sidefoot the rebound, via the keeper’s palm. Don’t we have defenders? Possibly not, but we have O’Keefe, who puts another Stevo (as their Australian branch call them) player clean through. He’s so surprised he drags it wide.

Phillips misses an identical chance for the Super Reds, but it problies came too early for all but us Phillipophiles to notice. Still, he was at least 10 yards out, what did you expect? The half descends into (yet another) game of us making a few nice passes in midfield before it goes up top and we lose it. I am as bewildered as anybody when we equalise, a hopeful punt out to the left wing audaciously lobbed in by Luton Loanee McAtee. You can tell he’s not one of ours.

Second half...well...for 10 mins we are pinned in our own territory. They are faster, more physical, more up for it. I wonder what inspires players more...a dour Scot (Collins) or a raging, shouting, overweight bag of spleen (Steve Evans). I was rather hoping the 1st half was our BAD half. But then what? Shall I call it luck? Or managerial genius? Ok, genius is maybe a bit strong. Just a decent call? Collins hauls O’Keefe for the mercurial Cotter, and Cosgrove is on for Phillips. Cosgrove, the Poundland Max Watters. Or is it vice versa? Either way, once he comes on, we dominate. Even Devante gets a kick of the ball. Sorry, Cosgrove putting himself about up top brings Cole into the game, at last. So he gets hauled. (Who did the manager haul last week only once he’d got into the game...was it Styles?) 70 mins are down, and Kane picks up the ball in midfield. They retreat...and retreat...and retreat. Kane, realising he hasn’t got a 6 yard square pass on, identifies his only option is to shoot, and he deftly hits it off a defender so the ball loops over the keeper from 20 yards. Lampardesque. Collins then sends on the ‘finishers’ (and by ‘finishers’ I obvs don’t mean players who can finish, ie, score) and Jalo runs free on the left. Should he do a Dire and shoot (and miss) or square it for Cosgrove to sidefoot into the roof of the net? Of course it’s the latter (this lad has ‘football intelligence’). I shout and swear and do brief impressions of Tim Henman winning a point at Wimbledon, before wondering how comes they’re in our half putting the ball into an empty net. Half of our team is in their half. Don’t they know the rules re: kick-offs? Bizarrely, our goal has been disallowed. There was no initial flag from the linesman (I know, cos it’s the first thing I look for when we score) but it appears the referee was so baffled as to how Jalo was clean through that he’s had to converse with the linesman, and between them, concoct a story as to how to chalk it out. With 6/1 on the 2-1, the ref is as relieved as us as a later Stevenage (free) header somehow goes wide. Have we ever been so poor, yet somehow been in the running for the play-offs?

Onwards and upwards!

*** Kane. Honestly, it could have been anybody and nobody. However, for the winner, and for making a block with his FACE, I’ll go Kane.
** Cosgrove. Controversial, but it all changed when he came on.
* McAtee. Him or Connell. But goals win prizes. Was that Bruce Forsyth?

Official MOTM: De Givigny. Never.

Londontykes’ POTY: 1. McAtee 2. Connell 3. Styles

Despatches:
More class from Kane as, when we ‘score’ the 3rd, while everyone goes to mob scorer Cosgrove, he congratulates Jalo, the architect. (If I was a footballer, I’d like my nickname to be ‘The Architect’. Mind, if I was a serial killer, ditto.) Official MOTM was De Givigny. who was DREADFUL 1st half. In fact, all of our back 3/5 were. I saw a Reds poll on Twitter/X this week on what is our best line up. So fair dues to Collins, who resolutely REFUSES to play Jordan Williams at right wing back, and giving chance after chance to O’Keefe and Cotter, who between them can’t decide who’s worse. I do like Cotter though. Is he consistently inconsistent, or inconsistently consistent? I’ll ask Susie Dent. Meantime, Jordan looks anything but comfortable as the right of a back 3. (Neill: here’s a clue...when he was RWB, he was being linked with a move to the Championship; now he’s being linked with a move to Barnsley reserves.)

Phillips missed his usual chance, but also whipped in a ball you’d expect any forward worth his salt to make a run for. Unfortunately, Cole is worth less than half what’s currently in my (small) salt shaker. Listen, Devante, the reason we don’t pop high balls in is cos you and whoever’s with you will never win them. So we whip them in low and expect you to be almost pro active and run to where the ball MIGHT go. You can stand behind a defender all you like, but see that centre half? He’s a professional footballer. He will completely miss a ball that comes toward him once, maybe twice, a season. You will never score standing there. This is not the Barnsley and District Sunday Morning League (though it often feels like it). However, Cole nearly gets the assist of the season, as the ball cannons off his knee on the halfway line and sends McAtee clear, 2 mins after the latter’s 25 yard lob. Unfortunately, with time on his hands, he possessed the coolness of an Odejayi, the composure of a Rammell, and the closer he got, the more he bricked it, a weak near post effort saved.

Oh, and Cadden came on for the ineffectual Styles. Did the Bury Baggio deliver ONE cross from left wing back? (Let me help you here: no.) I expected a rampaging, pacey wingback and what I got was...a left wing back version of Styles the centre midfielder. Cadden had 10 minutes and looked the best players on the park. So I expect Collins will pick Dodgson at Port Vale on Boxing Day.

Drink du jour: Squawk IPA in Spiral City. (JIM! Are you reading this? So much for driving up 200 miles and expecting us to be in the Old Number 7.)

Away: 352. Within 10 seconds, ‘Barnsley’s a sh*thole.’ And I’ve BEEN to Stevenage. ‘Is this a library, is this is a library?’ I see what you’re saying. There’s no noise in this place. But I’m baffled too. The kid 2 seats from me is wearing ear defenders. EAR DEFENDERS? AT OAKWELL? THE QUIESTEST PLACE IN BARNSLEY (IF NOT PLANET EARTH)?

The Damage:
c.£8 petrol
= c.£8