Millwall 4-1 BFC, Saturday 9th April 2022

What’s that noise? Is that the fat lady I can hear?

I think I had a dodgy pint, Satdy. How else to explain vomiting into a washing up bowl at Andy’s late on? It can’t have had anything to do with the other 12 pints (and the rest) or the lack of food since a morning apricot croissant. You have to do what you can to endure the Super Reds these days, and a trip down the Bermondsey Beer Mile certainly helped dull the pain somewhat. Anyway, was I really that drunk? We did win, right?

What a glorious day, not even those ne’er do wells and shysters we call Barnsley footballers could ruin. Come to think, maybe I was a bit tipsy. Did Romal Palmer score a goal? Nevermind drunk, I must have been on LSD. Did I also imagine learning that Slacki has bought a 2nd hand sit-on lawnmower? Was that really Loko I could hear rowing with another fan at the game and calling him a c*** cos he had a different viewpoint? (That definitely happened, ask his mum). Did Loko also drop his wallet in the ground at half time? (I wished I’d been the one to pick it up…the beers are on ME!) No, it was a great, great day. I miss you gays guys!

Oh yeah, there was a match. My descriptions may be somewhat off (see earlier), but I could swear Styles missed when clean through at nil-nil. This is the thing when you play a left footed player, wide right….the shot was on his weaker right foot. I can’t remember anyone being surprised the keeper smothered it. Then keeper Collins gets himself hurt. How? I’ve no idea, but on comes Walton. 7 minutes later he’s picking the ball out of the net, as Mi’wa’ spring the offside trap (!) and are left with a tap-in.

Half-time comes and while everyone disappears, I stay to keep an eye on my bag. Dammit, wish I’d seen that wallet lying on the floor behind me….anyway, peeps come back, I have a trip to the bog….and it’s two-nil. The muffled cheer as Anton and I ascend the stairs gives us hope. Have the Super Reds equalised? Dunt be s’daft. Seeing it on telly, a cross from the touchline is headed in from 2 yards. WTF is Walton DOING??? Nevermind Benik Afobe bamboozling Styles and Brittain to create the crossing opportunity in the first place.

With the season over, Romal Palmer decides to enter the fray 2 minutes later with a smart finish into the top corner. Where’s he been all season? It’s actually a smart strike too, a half volley from 15 yards into the top corner. (Please, BFC, don’t be fooled and offer him a new contract.) It’s ok though, as 2 players stand and stare as a cross is put in from the corner flag…Walton saves the header, then everyone else stands and stares as the rebound is put in. Honestly, it looks like we’ve given up. And oh! We have. Only the aforementioned Afobe bothers to react after a flick-on from the keeper’s hoof. Sunday morning route 1 stuff, and we can’t handle it. We’re going down….but fear not! We can still do the Bermondsey Beer Mile next season for Chorlton away!

Onwards and upwards!

*** No-one. I honestly thought no-one stood out.
** No-one. These two were partners in defence, partners in midfield….and I don’t think we got up top.
* Palmer. Go on then. Decent finish.

Londontykes’ MOTM: TBA

Despatches:
I’m not sure where I stand on this, but should we really have been drinking in Fourpure, who recently allowed Boris and his tax-dodging (sorry, tax avoiding) US Green Card-holding chum Rishi to hold a PR event there? But the beer’s SO nice, and they have big tables wot can fit us all on. Sarah liked it anyway.

Drink du jour: Ha ha haaaaa….anything IPA and 6%. But if I can blame anyone for my later state, it’s my Arsenal mate Rod, who insisted we have another can of beer on the way up to the ground.

Away: 500 and odd. Suckers.

Games before we’re officially relegated: I’ll say 3. Huddersfield to apply the final cut.

The Damage:
£111 travel (train returns for 2 from Durham)
£25 ent
£3 programme
= £139

The Tunes:
None. Basking in London life!

BFC 0-1 Millwall, Saturday 2nd October 2021

‘Anyone can beat anyone in this league…apart from us’

I remember when Saturday was the best day of the week. You worked hard all week and you were rewarded with a match and a few pints (and half a bottle of vodka). What do I get now? A 2 hour drive to get soaked in the rain (surely the weather will be as glorious as it was in County Durham?) And since when were my trainers no longer waterproof? Then, in the pub, I get scolded by Mr Jones snr cos he hasn’t had chance to speak to #1 son cos I’m talking to him. Christ, he’s had 50 years to speak to him. I even got asked to stop singing on my way out of Oakwell, though I can understand that – even I don’t like my voice. Come to think, why did I have the Bros ‘classic’ ‘When will I be famous?’ running through my head? Surely it’s lesser known B-side ‘when will I next leave Oakwell not depressed’ was more apt.

Yet it started so, so….a bit better than it has been of late. Schopp rang in the changes, putting Devante Cole and Iseka up top in place of the ineffective Oduor and Freezer. Cauley dropped deep, making it a 3-5-2, but the pace of Cole and Iseka looked promising. If only we had someone capable of putting a ball on a plate for them. As it was, for all the pretty football, the half hour resulted in only one Reds chance, as Cole charged down a defender and ran clean through. The finish, on target though it was, was woeful. No confidence, easily saved. Did someone say he’s a centre forward? Still, his dad often needed 5 chances to score a goal, so, at this rate, I predict Devante will bag in January.

At the other end, we looked comfortable, though we still nearly gave them an opener early on as Collins fumbled a soft effort straight into the path of the centre forward. There’s nothing like creating your own opportunity to pull off a remarkable save, as Collins jumped back up to block. (TV replays confirmed I’m being harsh on Collins, as the original shot took a wicked deflection – I admit, I had a tip-off.)

The second half was simply abysmal. I think our 1st touch in their half was 5 minutes in, and offside. Cole, then Iseka, went off, but what is there left to say? Kicking towards the Ponty, the best we could do was a late 5 on 4 that Brittain blazed into the crowd from inside the box. This went nicely with his usual 25 yarder high, wide and not very handsome. Will SOMEONE ban this guy from shooting? He simply CANNOT do it. Mind, this wasn’t a problem last season as he delivered a succession of great crosses into the box. Nowadays, he has metamorphosed into Chris Shuker, a useless irritant whose only redeeming factor is his ability to run around a bit. Still, well played for the interview with Radio Sheffield afterwards, where he admitted the team were low on confidence (really!?) and had no plan on how to score a goal. Stick THAT on your gravestone, Schopp. (Genuinely, it was a refreshing change to hear a player speak plainly rather than the usual PR guff, so I respect Brittain for that at least.)

As the game wore on, occasional chants of ‘Schopp Out’ could be heard. Millwall sent on Tom Bradshaw (no danger there) and the towering Matt Smith. So it came as no surprise to see Mi’wa’ get a corner and NO-ONE pick up their tallest player. I mean, why would you? I’d position myself next to a dwarf and claim to be marking somebody too. That time, we had a let-off, as Smith headed straight at Collins. We weren’t so lucky in the last minute, as a looping corner from Wallace found Wallace, who had the simple task of getting it on target. Let the arguments commence, but I blame Collins – that corner looped so high, the keeper (unimpeded) had plenty of time to come off his line. He didn’t, 0-1 Mi’wa’ and ‘We want Schopp out’ ringing out from the home end. We are doomed.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Loko. Gave him a lift and received not only free beer, but a homemade lamb curry. Sunday’s dinner is SORTED!
** Whoever gave Nice Guy Chris coronavirus. Chris doesn’t know how lucky he was to miss this latest travesty
* The Reds Box Office. I forgot my season card. ‘Can I have a replacement ticket please?’ ‘Are you a Millwall fan?’ Eh!!??

*** Kitching. Are we playing a sweeper system these days? Cos if anyone’s making a last ditch tackle, or covering a run, it’s Kitching. Official MOTM
** Helik. Won his battles….and ended up on the left wing as we became more desperate.
* Cole. Go on then. Almost looked dangerous in that 1st half hour.

Londontykes' MOTM: 1. Kitching 2. Iseka 3. Helik

Despatches:
I meant to have a pork pie in the Old Number 7, forgot, and subsequently went hungry for the rest of the day. Got home, ordered a Chinese…then couldn’t go out cos the care company assigned to my dad don’t have the staff and I had to help out. I blame Brexit. Then when I did go to collect my takeaway, one cash machine was out of order and the other one devoured my card. My team is s***, my town is s***, my dad’s care company is s*** (but rest assured they’re claiming for 2 carers* from the NHS)

* can I say, the actual carers are first class. The company they’re working for are absolute shysters.

The players? What can I say? I know Schopp is taking all the blame, but surely he’s not telling them to go out there and be f***ing useless? Surely? Matters reached a new nadir at full-time as Cauley reacted to some abuse by rowing with the fans. There is something rotten in the state of Oakwell.

Drink du jour: A beautiful, beautiful, pint of Weihenstephaner before a rose lemonade.

Away: 511. I also needed the presence of police from DURHAM and NORTHUMBRIA constabularies. Are you seriously telling me there’s not enough coppers in Yorkshire for a minimal away support? And who pays for all this? BFC?

The Damage:
£3 programme
£32 petrol
= £35

The Tunes:
Lullabies to Violaine (Cocteau Twins)
Fighting Talk (BBC 5live)
Craig Charles’ Funk and Soul Show (BBC 6Music)

Thank goodness for a toasty car and a show like this. For a couple of hours I could forget all about what went before, even if it did lash it down the entire way. I can’t wait for next week. (International break.)

BFC 0-2 Millwall, Saturday 17th March 2018

‘They’re down. Definitely.’

Welcome to...the old Main Stand.

There were some angry people in the Old Number 7 after the match on Satdy.  Was there a worse performance this season? Well, there’s been plenty of competition.  But for sheer tactical ineptitude, this took some beating. How many centre forwards did we have on the pitch towards the end?  4 or 5?  Well, I wouldn’t care, but the only one capable of scoring (Swansea City’s Ollie McBurnie) was centre midfield by this point. F*** me.  Every time I sensed a change, I was waiting for McBurnie to be put up top, but no, he went from left wing, to left midfield, to ambling around in the centre circle.  WTF is this new coach DOING?  I cannot believe he’s passed whatever coaching badges he needs (did he buy them online?) cos it was a masterclass in how NOT to manage a team.  

Maaaan, it was cold.

Farnham summed it up perfectly: 'it was like watching a kids v dads game where all the youngsters came on to play up front.'  What formation were we playing?  It looked like 3-1-6 to me, bet Neil Harris hadn’t planned for that. Not that’s it’s any good as only one of the 6 knows where the goal is and he was stuck out on the left wing.  A more positive view (!) came from Pompey: 'Anyway any manager who can play a 3-1-6 formation deserves special praise I don’t care what the game situation!!'  All fun and games.

The teams line up.

From the off, we had Thiam on the right, McB on the left and Moore looking every inch the carthorse at the spearhead.  Gardner, Potts and Mallan to provide the creativity from midfield.  At least we were spared the Williams/Gardner combo.  Reedy has likened their inability to play together to England’s Lampard and Gerrard.  Well, if this is our ‘Golden Generation’ we need to call Houston.  We have a problem.

West (old Main) Stand seats.

For 20 odd minutes, all was well.  The game wasn’t going anywhere (hurrah, another point!) till Mallan, filling in for Williams, does what Williams does and gives them the ball in a dangerous position. Another pass later, they’re clean through and Townsend is picking the ball out of the net.  Their first shot on target?  Probably.  Still, I s’pose we bought Mallan to create, and boy, did he manage that.  0-1.  We proceed to not look like scoring, while the weather bounces from glorious sunshine to snow blizzard and back again.

Looking towards the away end during a sunnier spell.

I was continuing my tour of the ground.  My dad refuses to come till we start winning (!) and he looks more the sage with every week.  So I went for the West upper this week.  Cosy, dark…and the advantage of stanchions in the way.  I could have done with a few more, cos I could still see enough of the action to realise how s*** we are.  Plus, if truth be told, I was a bit lonely, not fancying moaning constantly to complete strangers.

The view from the old Main Stand.

Half time, Mallan is dragged off.  Bit harsh but I can understand.  Moncur is on.  Christ.  How many hapless ‘creative’ central midfielders do we have?  And how bad must McGeehan be, if he’s behind Mallan, Moncur and Kajagoogoo in the pecking order?  Worryingly, Moncur goes on to show he possibly IS our best midfielder, puts his foot on the ball, beats players, makes runs, and in one glorious move, plays a one-two, gets to the edge of the box and sidefoots an effort towards the bottom corner, which the keeper tips around the post.  (The keeper tipped a similar shot from Lindsay around the post, while McBurnie’s hook over the keeper was cleared off the line.)

Moncur on...we MUST be in trouble.

Unfortunately, this is to give the impression we were somewhat in the match.  Let’s ignore the 30 yard strike into our top corner for 0-2, a goal from the moment it left his foot. Now, Reds, here’s an idea: when kicking WITH the wind, use it to your advantage and HAVE A GO.  Millwall did and look what happened.  Fair play to ‘em.  We didn’t, and look what happened to us.  Little over an hour gone and quite a few fans take this opportunity to leave.  Good call.

0-2, clueless coaching, weather closing in, match going on....Ponty emptying.

Millwall miss the best two chances, Townsend saving a one-on-one and another being stabbed wide.  We are all over the place.  Morais finally sticks on a winger…but takes off a central defender and Gardner has to move to centre half.  This coach is making things up as he goes.  I go downstairs and stand in a blizzard for the last 10, while using a stanchion as protection.  Full time can’t come quick enough.

The last few mins are played out in a blizzard.

It is now 11 home games without a win and counting.  Not a sniff of victory at Oakwell for over 4 months.  Time is fast running out, and what with Brumingham finally bagging a win, things are looking bleak for us.  We’ve only won something like 2 games against the top 20 and we haven’t any games left versus anybody else.  We look as doomed as we have at any stage this season.  Oh well.  We might win more games next season.  Might.

Onwards and upwards!

The distant hills are a whiteout.

*** Yiadom.  Constantly trying to create, look for a pass, do SOMETHING.  Not faultless, laying a chance on a plate for them, but his tracking back helped the player put the one-on-one chance wide.
** Moncur.  Aside from Yiadom, the only Reds player not to s*** himself in possession.

* Gardner.  Tidied up, covered, rarely gave ball away.

Twitter MOTM: Thiam (I’m told). Wasn’t announced at the game, problies cos they heard fans laughing when it was announced we could vote for the MOTM.

Londontykes' MOTM: 1. Yiadom  2. Gardner  3. No-one

West Stand bogs (with added roof, since the last time I was here).

Despatches:
What’s your record for number of Walnut Whips in a day?  One?  Phil did 3 on Satdy and still bought another packet ‘for my mates’ (hoping we’d not have one).  His final tally of 4 is still pretty impressive.

I quite enjoyed the 1pm KO. Still time for a pre-match pint (literally: one) but time for a post-match autopsy in the #7 before catching a train to Sheff and another couple in the Tap.  Probably one reason Reedy and I did so poorly on our bottle of vodka – too much beer!

The players?  Well, apart from the aforementioned: Townsend: S***.  Penniless: S***.  Lindsay: S***.  Jackson: S***.  Potts: S***.  Mallan: S***.  Thiam: S***.Moore: S***.  McBurnie: Played out of position.

Which reminds me.  I walked into the Old Number 7 after the game.  Molly had baggsied a table (he left when the 2^nd went in).  ‘He needs sacking.’  That was it. No ‘hello’. No ‘mine’s a pint.’  'He needs sacking.'  I concur.  Has any 'permanent' BFC manager ever completely lost the faith of the faithful within 5 games?  Not in my memory.

Seeing out the last 5...a lonely experience.

Drink du jour: Wheat beer all the way (Erdinger and whatever the Sheffield Tap had) plus vodka, followed by pale ale in St P.  Then home (after falling asleep on a nightbus; where the hell IS ‘Clapham Park’?) then getting home, watching The Championship (glutton for punishment) and falling asleep on the couch.

Away: 740. At least they enjoyed themselves.

The Damage:
£30 train
£3 prog
£25 away shirt
= £58

The Tunes:
Favourite Worst Nightmare (Arctic Monkeys)
Fading Frontier (Deerhunter)
Fabric 84 (Mathew Jonson)

A deceptive Oakwell panorama.

Oakwell panorama.

The East Stand and the few gluttons still left.

The Ponty in busier times.

In the old Main Stand.

Come on you Reds! (1)

Come on you Reds! (2)

Millwall 4-1 BFC, Saturday 6th January 2018

‘You’re fackin’ s***, you’re fackin’ s***, you’re fackin’ s***’

Welcome to ....

It’s been a while since I’ve walked home from a game.  About 35 years to be precise.  So it was with some amount of joy that I trotted home from The New Den to my place in Peckham.  Course, to fully enjoy this walk, one’s team has to have won, and one must like walking through an elongated industrial estate and traveller encampment.  (I don’t mind ‘travellers’ per se, but I do mind folk who never go anywhere being referred to as ‘travellers’.  How about ‘caravan dwellers’  - as opposed to ‘home owners’?  I digress, but I know of at least three of these sites around Millwall/Peckham…)

Where it all started today....(the award winning) Peckham Library.

It’s been three months since we last played Millwall away, a game I thoroughly enjoyed, through a) winning, b) a few drinks in a cidery on the Bermondsey Beer Mile and c) after match beers on home turf in Peckham.  What I can deduce from today’s FA Cup capitulation is that a game at Millwall is so much the better for us WINNING.  Being knocked out t’cup before it’s even started is a bad blow by anyone’s standards, especially against a side who always let us win.

Match action in front of literally...dozens.

Having enjoyed the beer mile last time, we vowed to go on more of a crawl.  This is great in theory, especially as brewery Head Brewery Honcho Loko can get us some free beers, but in January, what this means is drinking a variety of beers in a variety of cold railway arches.  Chilly.  I actually thought the last place would involve a pub, given it involved a 10 or 15 minute walk.  But no, it just meant we were nearer to the ground and in a different railway arch with more chipboard furniture than the rest.  I have no qualms over the beers, btw.  I’m just bitter that I haven’t had time to simmer down following the debacle on the pitch…

Moor Beer Company

We took the lead.  True, not much was happening, but then a ball is laid out, Hammill crosses and some guy runs in and buries it high into the net.  It’s only Potts!  Y’know, that bloke who everyone slates for being a bit s*** (he probably is) but outscores every other midfield player we have.  Great finish.  Time for a few rounds of ‘It’s happening again…’.  Will this be our 6^th or 7^th victory in a row against this bunch?  I forget.

The path to the away end; not an away fan in sight.

Luckily, the squad misread the script.  Lindsay failed to deal with a cross and Millwall score, despite Davies’ best efforts.   (Someone else said it was Davies’ fault, so I look forward to seeing a replay).  It was good to see it wasn’t a fluke though, as Lindsay gifted Millwall a 2nd just after half time.  Ok, ‘gifted’ may be harsh.  Perhaps ‘tediously slow to react’ could be more accurate, as he’s unable to turn and deal with a cut back.  I’m still annoyed.  It was the only place the Millwall fella coulda put the ball.

No-one outside either, save for a steward.

Of bigger worry is the seemingly bizarre decision to swap our fullbacks.  Who does that?  Is Heckingbottom some tactical genius who ‘thinks outside the box’?  He must be, cos at half time it was one-all and 61 minutes in we’re losing 4-1.  Course, no-one can legislate for Williams’ ridiculous challenge (actually, we can, cos we know he likes to put a foot in) and we’re now 2-1 down, away from home, and we only have 10 men.  I don’t fancy our chances.

There ARE some away fans...

Still, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed having Williams’ #1 fan in front of me (Loko – Marius still watching it on TV in Norway).  It’s true, Williams does make a tackle, and does occasionally find a red shirt, but finally (FINALLY) even Loko can vouch for Williams losing the ball 3 times in dangerous positions in ONE HALF.  Two of these were simple passes made bad, while the 3^rd was being tackled while strolling out.  Dangerous Brian O’Callaghan territory.  I’m sorry, but I don’t quite see the maestro everyone else sees.  Maybe 3 matches off will focus our midfield…

The full bit.  Behind the home dugout.

Course, maybe Williams is (or will be) a great player.  He’ll certainly never be as bad, or as anonymous, as Gardner’s younger brother, Gardner.  I’ll have to admit ignorance here, cos while chanting ‘There’s only one Craig Gardner’ I presumed no-one joined in cos he’s s***, not cos I had the wrong brother’s name.  He’s still s*** though.  Good job we’ve punted out Kay and McGeehan on loan, while giving every chance to other teams’ players.  Grrrrrrr.

Let me cheer myself up again.  Hawkes Cidery, Bermondsey.

I cannot remember Millwall’s 3^rd and 4^th.  Suffice to say their forwards play neat little give and go’s, other players move…and it ends with goals.  Cheats.  We stand around and hope Messi will run past 6 players and lay it on a plate.  Can you spot a problem there?  Outclassed by Millwall.  F***ing Millwall.  About the only positives from today are a) it’s only the cup (only!?) and b) Fulham lost.  Our game at home to the Cottagers goes ahead on 4^th round day and The Captain’s decision to purchase rail tickets doesn’t look so bad a judgement.

Just checking. It IS 4-1 isn't it?

At this point, I must sound very angry and bitter.  And I am.  I am currently watching a different programme to everyone else.  In the pub (sorry, railway arch), ‘will we stay up?’…I got 3 responses of ‘absolutely’ and a tentative ‘yes’ (A. Reed).  We have midfielders with no creativity, wingers who can’t beat a player, forwards who can’t make their own chances (Bradshaw) or who shoot from anywhere without reward (Thiam), a keeper who can concede from anywhere, fullbacks who DO give the ball away (whatever McCarthy’s chant) and centre halves who….well, they’re inconsistent at best.  I realise I’m seen as a bit negative (!) but I think I live in this world called ‘reality’.  Truth will out, I guess.

*** No-one.  Nice Guy Chris asked me who my favourite Reds player is.  Well, at the mo, problies ‘No-one’.  He certainly makes himself known on a regular basis of late.

** No-one.  Does the work of two in this team. 

* Potts.  Scored, and it annoys everyone else.  Apparently we’re s*** cos Potts is in the team, which ignores our poor run when he WASN’T playing. (PS, didn’t he return to our team for our 1^st win in 11 at Sunderland?)

Does what it says on the stand.

Despatches:
Where to start? How about up front?  Guess what? Bradshaw battled hard, spent the match with his back to goal and never looked like scoring.  Thiam meantime buzzes around, gets the ball, and shoots from anywhere, ignorant to the result of this.  Mamadou, let me tell you – Matches: too many. Goals in open play: f*** all.  Did someone say we’re paying him a fortune?  F***.  We’re stuck with him, then.  Isgrove played.  Allegedly.  Ditto Gardner, who at least offered some amusement with a 20 yarder which he dragged wide in slow motion.  Didn’t he do this at home to Dirty Leeds? Or was it Derby?  Basically, a central midfielder who can’t shoot, can’t head, doesn’t run with the ball, never tackles, doesn’t pass a ball forward…basically, we are paying someone else’s player to keep the team’s shape.  Surely that is the LEAST a player can do.  I blame the manager.  Hammill played too, but I only noticed him when the right winger laid the ball back…to Hamill.  Christ, I thought Hammill WAS the right winger.  The fullbacks were average, though having read reports about Toby (Cavare) I wonder what the fuss is about.  The best I can say is that he blends in with the rest.  And McCarthy hasn’t been the same since being dropped for being good.  That’ll teach him.  Pinnock looked alright, classy.  But that was at 1-0.  Nowhere when they were scoring.  And I've done Lindsay.  At least Jackson's back training, I read.

Anyway, I didn’t want to go to Wembley (again).

Onwards and upwards!

Drink du jour: all sorts, though a brand new experimental apple pale ale at Hawkes Cidery was my highlight.

Away: 414 (advance sales).  Whatever they claim about today’s attendance, it can’t have been more than 3000, including not many of us.  

The Damage:
£15 ent
= £15


I may have bought a programme had I seen one.  Apparently they were sold out. Sold out?  How many did they print?  50?

The Tunes:
OX4 – The Best of Ride (Ride)
Hippopotamus (Sparks)

I should have turned back here.

The New Den panorama.