BFC 0-0 Blackburn Rovers, Saturday 18th September 2021

‘His only mistake was in not starting Adeboyejo’

1 0 1 0 2 1 0 1 0. No, not some kind of binary code (nearly!) but the number of goals we’ve scored in games this season. Obviously the outlier (and Stu’s our statistics man) is the 2 goals we scored at QPR – does that mean we disregard that one as a fluke? Yes, I’d say so. 6 goals in 9 games. It’s simply NOT GOOD ENOUGH. It’s only our defence keeping us in it at the mo. Indeed. (quick look at league table, which I’ve been avoiding since we last won) we have 8 points from 8 league games…including a point for the heroics of Collins in midweek, and the only win this season coming courtesy of a last minute penalty save by the aforementioned. I don’t think we’re going to acknowledge we’re in s*** until we’re 16 points adrift with 5 games to play.

Whatever might be said about Big Val’s hoofball last season, at least there was a PLAN on how to score. All we have right now is the world’s most bizarre scientific experiment involving Oduor in a front 3. What was it Einstein said about doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result? At least Woodrow has pedigree, right? But since he’s barely scored a goal in open play in 2 years, when does ‘form’ become permanent? Once again, he spent 90 minutes trying desperately to get shots off which were never gonna go in, including a turn and twist 25 yard half volley in the 1st half. I can excuse the one where he was played in close to goal, wide right, 2nd half and he couldn’t wrap his foot around it cos, well, cos he’s a bit slow and cumbersome.

The other bloke in the front 3 was Iseka. I presume he’s one of them there Belgians we’ve been hanging our hopes on? Well, I’ll tell you how good he was, he was hooked at half time. On came Freezer, that other renowned goalscorer. Still, on rare occasions he stands still, you can at least admire his tattoos. In 90 minutes, the forwards engineered ONE chance, as Oduor ran through 3 or 4 of them and was so surprised at being clean through he delayed his shot till he was about 10 yards out…and missed the unmissable, somehow finding the keeper’s legs despite the custodian barely coming off his line. I’ve said before that I find Oduor running around being fast and tricky (but ultimately clueless) vaguely entertaining, but there’s no excuse for not being able to finish from there. Composure is something you simply can’t teach. You’re either cool in front of goal or your legs turn to absolute jelly and you find yourself praying the keeper will charge out, take you out…and you can let someone else take the pen (see: Stoke’s penalty on Wednesday).

The likeliest player on Satdy for us was Helik. In fact, after one gutbusting 50 yard run down the middle of the pitch, he was probably our best midfielder too. (This was 2 minutes after he’d had the ball and had a right shout at the players in front of him standing still). If a job’s worth doing, Michal… He had a header saved off a corner and another flick, so nearly into the far corner, missed the end of sub Victor’s boot by an inch. At least I know why centre forward Cauley is in the team – he can take a good corner. My God. He also had 2 powderpuff free kicks*, the first of which was clearly ideal for a left footer, but he waved Styles away. Quality captaincy. Someone I wish he COULD stop from having a shot is Brittain, who had his obligatory effort into the crowd (he will never score for BFC while I have a hole in my ar5e.)

* the 2nd was after Helik's 50 yard run was brought to a halt by a foul, the resultant freekick dribbling well wide after a deflection.

Inbetween, I thought Brittain had done alright in centre mid, along with Styles, quite busy and involved. So Schopp dragged Sibbick off at half time (no one knew why; the sheer hell of it?) and Brittain found himself right back (when he was there). Late on, he was tempted into charging forward for a loose ball, but wisely figured he wouldn’t get there, trotted back into defensive position…but a yard not far enough. The ball was played through, Brittain was beaten, and Collins rescued us again with a smart save on the near post. It was the minutest of mistakes, but it’s what separates the best from the rest. You have to be switched on to your job ALL THE TIME. Earlier Collins had saved a one on one when a peach of a through ball had sent Chilean international Brereton Dias (!) clean through.

Right, I’ll stop there. I’m almost thinking I’m making this game sound like a corker, which it plainly wasn’t. (1/5 in the Football League Paper). It had its moments, but the game was littered with mistakes. If we’re to stay up, it’s two points lost.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Helik. I’ve said it. Best defender, midfielder and forward we have. I think people are starting to take his interceptions, headers and tackles for granted, cos for the most part it was simply ‘his usual game’, but he’s so far ahead of anything else we have outside of a goalkeeper’s shirt, it’s frightening.
** Collins. What can I say? Perfection…but didn’t have owt to do apart from those 2 saves. 1 or 2 charges out of the box, but again, as per….
* Woodrow. I’ve had a real think about 3rd. I liked Styles and Brittain buzzing around, but after the tactical and personnel changes, they disappeared. If you took away Woodrow’s desperate attempts at scoring a goal, he led the line well….hang on, f*** it. Those free kicks are haunting me. I can’t really give him 3rd least worst Barnsley player on that pitch today, can I? To hell with it. * Brittain

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Helik 2. Collins 3. Woodrow

Official MOTM: Moon. Well, you have to give the young lads some encouragement, don’t you? (He had nothing to do; Helik did it all.)

Despatches:
Haven’t I said enough?
Iseka – carthorse
Hondermarck – carthorse
Halme – carthorse
Adeboyejo – carthorse
Cauley – errrr…..

I say let’s invest in a field and sow some crops cos we’ve got half the necessary equipment.

Oh, I’ll give you a despatch. As you might know, the Super Reds, having only had all summer to get season tickets working, have had to replace them all. So I updated my address to County Durham…and they STILL posted it to London. So they gave me another ST on Satdy…which (can you guess?) didn’t work on the turnstile. It was now 5 past 3 and the horrible man insisted on letting me in anyway, the ba5tard, ‘as it’s so close to kick-off’’. Errr…. So there’s my plans sorted for pre-match v Forest. I’ll stand in another queue to get my ST sorted. (ps, Loko, they didn’t have my card waiting for me on the ‘pick up tickets’ table. So much for me emailing them in advance.)

Drink du jour: A pint of Northern Monk pale ale. This really was the highlight of my day, savouring every last drop in the Old #7 while looking at pics of Mrs Reed’s gorgeous future abode. Oh, and how jealous I was, not having a train journey back to London to look forward to, with copious amounts of pain numbing alcohol to imbibe, good folks and the eternally optimistic telling me we’re heading for the play offs and if it wasn’t for the damn referee….(he was fine by the way).

Away: 1,647 (Att: 13,640) Very good. I’m not so sure about their taunts of ‘Your support is f***ing s***’ and ‘Is this a library?’ cos I’ve been to Ewood Park and if there’s one Championship stadium which makes Oakwell sound like a Boca Juniors-River Plate derby it’s….

The Damage: £3 programme c.£25 petrol = c.£28

The Tunes:
BBC 5live
BBC 6Music

Blackburn Rovers 3-2 BFC, Saturday 23rd November 2019

‘It’s alright lads, I’ve brought my lucky wet crotch.’

Welcome to....Jack Walker FC

The last time I went to Blackburn it was 30 odd years ago, we won 1-0 and Clive Baker made a double save from a penalty.  Great days.  Fast forward to 2019, and Ewood Park is transformed.  Gone are the small terraces behind each goal (and the actual terrace – wot people lived in – compulsorily purchased by the council, just so’s the Jack Walker-backed Rovers could have a stadium befitting their future.  In the bottom half of division 2.)

Mill Hill.  One Londontyke keeps lookout while another withdraws cash.

So it is, there are 17,000* empty seats today, while they cram the travelling support into one side of the upper tier.  The Londontykes are on the back row, and this has consequences, as I draw blood in my support for the Super Reds by twice fisting the roof jumping up celebrating us scoring.  Yeah, yeah, you’d think I’d learn – but surely celebrating a goal is INSTINCTIVE, unless, of course, you’re stuck in the parallel universe that is the Premiership and VAR.

*problies closer to 20,000, actually, as there can’t have been more than 10,000 home fans.  Ewood Park makes Oakwell look full.

The home end at Ewood Sparse.

YES, we scored 2.  And conceded 3.  Thus, Stuber surely becomes our worst manager in history (statistically), averaging 0.0 points.  Bring back Murray (average across 5 games, 0.6)!  But Stuber makes a difference.  The Austrian has made 5 changes and stuck in every German speaker we have.  Good on him.  Communication is key!  Collins is dropped in goal, for Radlinger, the least dominating tall keeper we’ve had since Paul Malcolm (Clive Baker’s hapless understudy).  Actually, maybe that’s harsh.  I just can’t think of any big keepers we’ve had since Lars Leese and Heinz Muller (ironically, both German. Unironically, both better than Radlinger.)  Bahre was back too.  I was rather hopeful he’d take to the higher level of football, but no.  He’s the modern day Mike Sheron, forever destined to be on a different wavelength to everyone else.  Schmidt was given a runout too.  A first start?  Hopefully last too, dragged off at half-time.  Did he even get a kick?  I bet the less-than-Great Dane Mads Andersen can speak Germanic too.  He can f*** off.

Skill and Labour (Google tells me).

But hey ho.  We put up a fight, we were better than them for long periods.  We outshot them.  We out mis-shot them.  We had more corners.  We were the better team.  We lost.  We went one down after 20 odd minutes.  Was it Rovers’ 1^st attack?  Mads took the blame, a mislaid pass being picked up in midfield and they cut through us.  But who was it he gave it to, who couldn’t be ar5ed to stick out a leg?  Mowatt?  A throughball, a mad keeper running out for no reason, a squared ball and an empty net.  We just give the opposition goals.

What's with the concrete pathway at the front?

Down at half-time, the manager brings on Dougall and Chaplin.  Why’s he dropped the former?  Been our best player (apart from Woodrow) since he came back.  Within 3 minutes we have equalised, as Brown drives into the box and lays it off for Chaplin to hit it early.  THE MANAGER’S A GENIUS!  It’s all us, as we pile/meander forward hoping to score another.  We don’t.  They do.

A rare forage upfield for the homesters leaves Stewart Downing free on the edge of our box.  The completely left-footed worst signing in Liverpool’s history (ok, maybe not as bad as Benteke or Carroll) drills it home from 20 yards with his RIGHT foot.  How does this always happen to us?  His 1^st goal in a year or summink.  That Forest bloke the other month, I think it was his 1^st goal in 3 years.  I’m not claiming bad luck though.  Mere incompetence.  Nobody has consistently let in 20 yarders over the last 10 years like we have. 

...cos it doesn't look good when people escape with match in progress.

Our loyal support (we are at the back with the idiots/young uns) shuts the f*** up again, just like they did after Rovers’ 1^st.  ‘Your support is f***ing s***’ they were crowing earlier.  (It was/is by the way.)  These youngsters though, seems they won’t sing with us oldies.  Maybe cos we have nothing in our repertoire which references the Pope or the IRA.  WTF?  These little pr*cks weren’t even alive when I moved to London and the underground was constantly held up with bomb scares.  Or when Victoria Station was bombed with Nice Guy Chris actually in it.  If only we had anyone in our crew who could teach these numbskulls something about History!

The view from the back.

But it’s alright, cos they find their voices again after 82 minutes, a marvellous piece of improv from Cauley seeing him thrust his chest out to direct it home for the equaliser.  Or via his hand as the media put it.  For the record, he was right in front of us, and you could see him physically stick his chest out as the ball hits it.  It’s party time again, and another chance to fist the roof.  I love fisting (!)
But can we hold out for the draw?  Draw?  F*** that.  We pile forward, Mowatt hits a shot which deflects to a wrong-footed Cauley.  The latter has a piledriver tipped over.  And then it happens.  One attack, one goal.  It’s bad enough we can’t defend the 1^st ball in, but we can’t defend the 2^nd either, as Rovers win the 1^st header, then Dack is somehow on his own between 2 defenders.  This happens every single f***ing week.  The header is saved, but before our defenders work out what month we’re getting relegated in, Dack has put the rebound in.  3-2, we’re doomed (doomed, I tell ya!)  Still, there’s always the journey back…

Onwards and…downwards!

*** Cauley.  I’ll miss him when he’s gone. 

** Chaplin.  Actually looked like a footballer, and did what forwards are MEANT to do, score.  That’s 2 he’s got this season.

* Ben Williams.  Comfortable in possession and ably supported the attack (though it showed how slow our attacks were, that he could keep up).

Londontykes' MOTM: 1. Ben Williams 2. (Cauley) Woodrow 3. Mowatt

Ewood Park

Despatches:‘Oi! Redcoat!’  Yes, as we walked into town for the deserved beer we never got (train times and the fact Blackburn is twinned with Scunthorpe and Burslem meant we were unable), I overtook some of the Barnsley yoof.  ‘They’re Blackburn’ I heard one scrote say (I had Loko and Selwood just behind me, so good luck lads).  ‘Which way is t’station?’ said testicle asked, in a poorly disguised fishing attempt to see if I was ‘one of them’.  I told him I had no idea, but knew it was somewhere in the town centre, (for which I was following a sign).  ‘Where you from?’ he enquired.  Now, I’m not used to making friends at my age.  Did he want it factual?  ‘I’m from a small town in County Durham called Ferryhill.  Are you aware of said former village mining community, squire?’  Or did he mean the less literal ‘where do you live?’  ‘Well, kind sir, I’m from a lively inner city South London locality called Peckham.  Has one ever partaken in a visit to said realm?’  No, while I considered my response, Loko gave them a terse ‘We’re Barnsley’.  He didn’t add ‘knobheads’ but there was definitely a word missing which hung in the air like the braincell said yoof had borrowed for the day.  Jesus.

The stroll from the pub to Ewood.

We also discovered it was a false economy going into Blackie for the fast train to Preston, as it stopped at Mill Hill (not that one) anyway, ie, we could have gone for another beer near the ground and caught the train from up that way.  Next time.  If there’s ever a next time.

Pre-match, we got off at Mill Hill.  A place that would consider it an honour to be called ‘drab’ even if the sun was out (it wasn’t).  I believe only two businesses were doing any business, as far as I could see.  The betting shop, and the pub (once we got there).  The north – what a place.  (Only kidding, Molly.  Just checking yer reading!)  Still, the pub was friendly enough, having two very strokable dogs in it.  And it’ll stay memorable for a while yet, as some idiot, rocking on his chair, landed on Dave’s foot….he yelped and upset the table, and an entire pint went over Nice Guy Chris, who didn’t seem happy that said idiot was now laughing.  But I couldn’t help it.  If only the wet lap didn’t belong to a man of retirement age…Still, it was nice to get an idea of how the day would go, eh Chris?

Ewood towering over nearby terraces.

The players?  Radlinger made no difference whatsoever, and if I’m being stat-happy, he’s averaging 3 goals a game when I’ve seen him (once).  Diaby, Mads, Halme…it doesn’t matter how many centre halves we have, there’ll still be a gap somewhere.  Sibbick had a mare of Cavare proportions at right back.  Mowatt was tidy, if unspectacular.  Bahre flitted in and out (mainly out) without ever seeing the ball.  Brown looked the part 2^nd half, as he was allowed to play in midfield.  How’s he ever going to develop if he plays a different position every week?  And I thought Dougall and Thomas looked alright when they came on…but problies cos I like Dougall and Thomas.

We never did get that pint in Blackburn.  Nor Preston, where we changed trains. Still, they do have a Greggs open till 9 and a Sainsbury.  It’d been a long day, but there was salvation in the form of the Euston Tap.  After being on the road for nigh on 12 hours, we were finally in a decent boozer, in civilisation.    

I like the potted history of Rovers on one corner...

Drink du jour: Leffe, Stella, Punk Dead Pony, Punk IPA, random wheat beer at £6 a pop.

Away: c.1300

The Damage:
£40 train
£25 ent
£3 prog
= £68

The Tunes:
Just For A Day (Slowdive)
Ladies And Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space (Spiritualized)

Ewood panorama

The 1880s.  The Golden Years.

Ewood's scoreboard.  Not much use to us.

Rammed.

The Jack Walker Stand.

Nearly forgot...our new flag made it's (losing) debut.  Cheers Dave!

BFC 2-0 Blackburn Rovers, Monday 26th December 2016

‘Same old s***, evey week, same old s***, every week’ 

Welcome to .....

After upsetting the odds with some recent results, just what we needed: a team from the relegation zone at home.  It had potential banana skin all over it, cos if there’s one thing we don’t like, it’s being favourites to win a game.  But how would Blackburn turn up?  Would they be the side who’d lost their last three 2-3, or would they learn from those games and shut up shop, a la Wigan t’other week? Fortunately, it was the former. They played an open game, clueless defensively, which could have resulted in us scoring half a dozen…but could have grabbed them a few as well.

Toby whips up the crowd.

It’s all us early doors.  Bradshaw skies a great opportunity from 10 yards.  Scowen fails to get on the end of an open goal at the back post.  A bad bounce prevents Bradshaw going clean through.  Say what I like about Winnall, he wouldn’t have passed up all three.  And sure enough, he bags number 10 for the season and costs me even more money (£50).  Thankfully, I have conveniently forgotten my phone, so don’t have to put up with the endless messages I’ve no doubt received from fellow Reds wellwishers (but I DID have to put up with Slacki’s gleaming face at half time).

Hourihane swings in a delicious ball from the right and Winnall runs in behind the centre halves to send a simple header past the keeper.  We have scored the most headers in the division and our centre forward is about 5’ 9”.  It’s all about the balls in and the movement.  We sit back and expect a deluge of Reds goals.

The teams come out.

Actually, if I said ‘we’ was the players, that’d be about right.  From 25 mins in, till half time, it was all Blackburn, with the occasional break by us.  Scowen clears one off the line while Davies smothers a one-on-one and tips one round the post which was top corner all the way.  We scrape in 1-0.
If Blackburn played an expansive game in the 1^st half, it’s nothing to the second.  From the off they set up like it was injury time, throwing way too many players forward and leaving one at the back.  We break 2 on 1….only Hourihane overhits the pass and ruins the move. Next, we go 4 on 1.  Only BFC can mess this up, and we do….Hourihane breaks to the right, receives the ball, then realises he has no right foot, so cuts inside.  Does he pass to one of the other 3, or blaze it over the bar? You guess.

Blackburn banners

At the other end, Davies is continuing the heroics, another one-on-one saved.  He even manages to keep some of his kicks on the pitch, though one kick comes off MacDonald and straight into the path of Rover, on the halfway line, who puts his paw through the ball and sends it over Davies and onto the post.  Another escape.  If I can compare this game to any, it’s the Bradford promotion match; we are WAY better than them, yet continue to gift them the odd chance. And like Bradford, the luck goes with us.

Kent dribbles round 3 and creates a chance.  So he’s pulled off (!).  This happened the other week an’ all: Heckingbottom waits till Kent does summat, then calls his number. But we’re doing the usual, sending Marley on ‘to strengthen midfield’ while Armstrong returns for Winnall.  Bradshaw meantime looks knackered.  Armstrong’s 1^st move is to nick a pass from them and drive past 3 or 4 players before running into traffic (though he still kept possession; a thinly disguised dig at Kent).  
Then we get the respite we’re looking for.  One of their players goes straight through Morsy and gets a red.  At least he’s picked one of our expendables: Morsy’s a Wigan player.  Howthehell does he not get into a team who’re currently 2^nd off bottom? I’ve no idea.  Once Morsy’s stopped rolling around, he’s up for a fight (think Scrappy Do – ‘Lemme at him! Lemme at him!’ but Scowen steps in to drag him away and prevent the inevitable.  On seeing the tackle again on TV, it really was a legbreaker and lucky for Morsy his leg wasn’t planted in the ground.  A shocker.

The Rovers' end. Boooo, hisssss...etc

So, no more worries, eh?  Not really, this is Barnsley.  Davies pulls off another late save, before we break 4 on 1 again. This time Bree slips in a perfectly weighted pass for Marley to casually slot home in front of the Ponty.  HAPPY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!  Later, on Channel 5’s football coverage, they talk about our plethora of attacking talent…Winnall, Armstrong, Bradshaw, Payne…and fail to spot the best one we have – probably cos he keeps being played right midfield. Marley Watkins, I love you.  Came on last week to set up the winner, this week scores the killer 2^nd.  2^nd most assists and 2^nd top scorer in how many games?  No wonder the Ponty serenaded him when he came on.

*** Scowen.  Up and down, side to side, tackle after tackle, sprint after sprint.  What a player. My favourite Scowen moment was when he gave them the ball before proceeding to win it back, beat 2 of them, then get dragged down as he ran into acres of space down the left.  Was also one of the many options Hourihane had when he decided to cut inside onto his left and clear the bar from 10 yards.  Twitter MOTM.** Davies.  Some great saves, mingled with the usual inability to catch a ball under pressure and 2 or 3 punches, some which worked better than others.  But his saves were top drawer: 1^st half top corner, as well as smothered a 1 on 1.  2^nd half, saved another 1 on 1, though got lucky with the miskick.* Bree.  I’m liking Bree more and more.  Continues to improve as a defender, but pops up in attack and creates chances (and goals!).  This week it’s Marley’s opportunity to benefit. 

Londontykes' MOTM
*** Davies
** Yiadom
* Scowen

The Ponty v Blackburn

Despatches:More omens broken. Apparently we hadn’t won in 6 Boxing Day games, nor beaten Blackburn in half a dozen.  Keep it up Barnsley.  Today was an exciting game, which should have been about 8-3 had we taken our chances to break. Perhaps we needed Rovers to score to become more clinical ourselves (a la Cardiff last week).  Driving up north, I also got to listen to a fair portion of ‘Praise or grumble’ on Radio S***field.  At one point there were 3 callers in a row talking about BFC and someone even texted in to moan that the show lacked variation.  Ha!  Made a change from listening to Washday fans who weren’t at the game telling us how badly they’d played and which continental superstar they should sign.  I also still had a signal north of Leeds, which surprised me.

The players?  They were great. What can I say?  Perhaps Bradshaw tired as the game went on and should have been subbed earlier.  Perhaps we didn’t take our chances.  But we can’t complain.  Everything positive I’ve said previously about our players individually goes for this game as well.  But one thing I did notice…and possibly a reason we score and concede so many….was that Roberts was in their box at least twice during OPEN PLAY.  I love our style of play though. Long may it continue (till we lose a couple and everyone moans about our defensive naivety) 

SSW points at the bloke betting against him getting 10 this season (me).

Will Winnall get 10?  F***ing f*** f***.  What a player.  Always said so.  His movement has been magnificient this season, his all round play has improved (though is far from perfect) and he has so many creative players to feed off.  Not bad for our 3^rd or 4^th best centre forward.  Getting into double figures before the end of the year is a great achievement (‘the first Barnsley player in 3 years’ said George wotshisface on Channel 5), which either proves the national media know nowt, or last season’s 24 goals really were a bad dream from which I’m owed my money back from certain bets.  I’m a bit surprised by George, actually, cos he allegedly supports a team from just down the road (Dirty L**ds) who’ve previously been linked with the goalscoring machine.  Actually, having read that sentence again, perhaps I’m not surprised at all.

Onwards and upwards!

Drink du jour: Diet coke.  Christ.  Never go in Redfearns.*  10 minutes of waiting in the cold only to be followed by Loko’s interpretation of a mannequin behind the bar. As I’m driving today, I can’t take up the offer of a pint.  ‘Can I have a coke?’  No.  Diet coke only.  They’ve ran out of the drinkable stuff.  I wouldn’t mind, but coke keeps for MONTHS.  Still, extra marks to Hicksy, who came out for a breather while I was in the queue and we exchanged the merchandise** for cold hard cash.

* only (half) kidding, before I get lynched by the Redfearns’ crew.  A convivial atmosphere and quickly served, if not by one of the Holy Trinity (Hicksy, Loko, Gally).
** Forest away tickets

Away: 1440.  They didn’t sound happy from what I could hear. They hate their manager, they hate their owners, they hate their team.  Not sure in what order though.  Good to see they’ve lifted the anti-climb netting from near the tunnel, so we could go back to the good old days of seeing irate away fans trying to get a piece of their defeated team at full time.

The Damage:
3 prog
1 diet coke

Always a positive sign: a queue at Oakwell.

Redfearns, pre-match.

BFC permits the disabled ???  Good to know.

There's no going back now.

It's a beautiful day!

Players' pre-match kickabout (yes, I was in early).