BFC 0-2 Lincoln City, Monday 29th December 2025

‘She should have swallowed.’

My day today was this: Spent the morning driving round the Huddersfield suburbs with a flat tyre looking for an open garage; sitting in a cancer ward while Sarah gets chemo; went home and washed up (having to fill the basin twice, cos the water escaped the 1st time); going to see the Super Reds. You can imagine which brought least joy.

We were poor. Or, at least, Lincoln were a sight better than Mansfield. Was that why Darrell didn’t even rant at half-time as we stood a goal down? Or was it resignation? (It was certainly resignation at the end, as the few who stayed gave the most cursory of boos, nothing like Boxing Day.) Resignation. Again. Like under the dying days of Collins, of Clarke. Apathy is worse than anger, and judging by the gaps in the home end, there was plenty of apathy tonite. Even the drummer didn’t show up. Does he only do special occasions?

It’s all Caylan Vickers’ fault, Mansfield. So Coach Conor drops him and brings the GOAT into midfield, Watson replacing said GOAT at right back. It takes GOAT 8 minutes to play a ball behind his teammate to set up the Lincoln counter attack. One foul later and the free kick is swung in from the right. Do I remember this right? Was their guy on his own, 4 yards out, when he bangs the header past Cooper? Now, call me a traditionalist, but I expect a keeper to come and catch a ball that’s only 4 yards in front of him, especially when there’s no traffic to get through. Let’s hope TV doesn’t prove me otherwise, but I’d be willing to bet, when the free kick is taken, that Cooper is closer to where the ball lands than any other player. Get rid.

Do we manage an attack ourselves in that 1st half? Cleary has a shot that smacks a defender’s head. We also have a penalty claim, as the ball strikes an Impish hand. Yes, it could have been given, but really, we’re feeding off scraps. Lincoln have our measure; at one point they triple up on Cleary. They later do the same on Kelly. Do they ever bother marking Connell, Bland or Yoganathan? Not that I noticed.

Lincoln are extremely well organised, and that’s it. Every time we have possession, they have 8-10 men behind the ball. Usually 8 (2 banks of 4) before we knock it around sideways and it becomes 10. If ever we venture forward we are massively outnumbered. Well played Lincoln City. Unspectacular, but manage the basics...and I’m led to believe they’re 2nd in the table (I still refuse to look).

Half-time comes and Coach Conor bursts into action, subbing Yoga for Phillips. And he even lets Phillips have a couple of shots, though that doesn’t end well. About 2 minutes into the 2nd half he wastes what would prove to be our best chance, screwing a close range shot wide. (Later, he’s spotted at right back again. WTAF is our manager doing?) Other chances include...no, scrub that. Our only other chance is Kelly missing the same opportunity from a 37 year old’s beautiful cross. But the game had gone by then. 0-2 and into injury time.

And WHAT A STRIKE their second was. Shepherd heads a corner clear (I’m not putting this goal on the kitchen fitter). It falls from the sky to the edge of our box where former Fowl and Smog Monster Adam Reach rolls back the years to lash one in off the bar on the volley. Where’s our defensive midfield when you need ‘em? That ball took an age to come down and yet there still wasn’t a Barnsley player in sight. Oh well. I stood up and applauded, and plenty of others put their hands together (and not around Coach Conor’s neck).

I rather got the impression that had we scored a couple, Lincoln woulda gone and got 3, or 4. They looked like they played well within themselves and that gift of an early goal meant they just had to remain compact and let our mistakes do the talking. It was just all...too easy.

I’ve just had a text from the NNN (Nozzer News Network). He claims we are 2 pts above relegation. I refuse to look, and I refuse to believe him.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Earl. Couldn't really fault him. Won his headers. Found Reds players with the ball. Didn’t gift the opposition any goals.
** Kelly. We’re onto the default settings now. Made a few runs forward, but invariably outnumbered and toothless.
* Cleary. Had a shot and a couple of crosses. Most likely to create summat, but didn’t.

Official MOTM: Kelly (see earlier: ‘default settings’)

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Kelly 2. Cleary 3. Earl

Despatches:
Coach Conor’s 2nd half response? Sends on a Jalo for Watson, with the GOAT to right back. Then MdG for Roberts (injured? Hope so!) before sending on a pensioner in the 87th minute for the GOAT (and Phillips to right back). Still, at least he resists temptation to bring on Farrugia, but it’s not pretty. Still, you never see a goalless draw at Oakwell, do you!?

With nobody else wanting to go, I think I’ll give Wigan a miss, especially as there’s a tasty looking Stalybridge Celtic v Bury game on down the road. I still quite fancy Port Vale, but 3 Reds games in a week? I wouldn’t wish that on anybody right now.

Drink du jour: Tiny Rebel Clwb Tropicana at Heaven and Ale. Plus a roast turkey and stuffing sandwich and a few roasties. I was winning life at that point.

Away: 1,529 (10,711 - never). ‘Barnsley get battered everywhere they go....everywhere they go.’ Indeed.

The Damage:
c.£7 petrol
= c.£7

BFC 2-3 Mansfield Town, Friday 26th December 2025

‘Plod in riot gear? For Mansfield at home? Really?’

Shambles. Shambolic. Set of clowns. Moronic. Dumb beyond belief. An absolute sh*tshow. Well, there’s the synopsis. No need to read more.

I’d love to say I’m not angry, I’m disappointed. But I’m not. I’m absolutely fuming. Fuming with our defence. Fuming with Coach Conor. Fuming with Connell and his identically crap corner deliveries. Fuming at leaving my nice warm house. Fuming at the lack of a public transport system on Boxing Day so Nice Guy Chris gets out of watching this comedy. Still, in a Christmas of endless repeats of Morecambe and Wise, Two Ronnies, Mrs Brown’s Boys (more fumination)...it’s the Super Reds who provide the most mirth of the festive period.

The headline figure is we tossed away a two goal lead to lose 3-2. But it’s worse than that. Mansfield haven’t scored in over a month and are challenging the relegation spots. In 2 successive games we’ve conceded a total of 6 goals to two of the worst teams in the division. (Let’s not forget, bottom of the table Port Vale played us off the park at Oakwell the other week.) Our defensive organisation is beyond awful. Aren’t players and systems meant to improve the more you play them?

This week’s mentalists are Cooper in goal, as ever. And, as ever, he fails to make a difference. Howthehell did he keep 20 clean sheets last season for Stevenage? (The clue might be in looking at where Stevenage are now; maybe it had nothing to do with Cooper and they weren’t bothered in losing him.) My patience has snapped. I’ve been willing to grant him some leeway behind THAT back 4...but enough’s enough. He runs out of goal and makes the odd block, but that’s about it.

Right back is Bland, who, by all accounts, is the GOAT of defensive midfielders. (Mind, he was the GOAT of fullbacks before he was switched to midfield. Keir Starmer needs to employ Bland’s PR ppl, cos I don’t see it.) He ended the game trying to be an attacking central midfielder, while star man Kelly was shunted out wide. Insane. But let’s not digress into Coach Conor’s bewildering tictacs yet. The previously reliable Watson sits on the bench.

This week’s left back of choice is Josh Earl, who’s never previously let us down at full back. Sorry, I mean, ‘has never previously NOT let us down at fullback’. He actually had a good first half, before resorting to type in the collapse. (The equaliser comes from a backpost header...on his backpost.) Where’s Ogbeta? Shingles, allegedly. Where’s Gent? Knackered after his return from months out a fortnite ago? What? Despite being interviewed on Radio Sheff afterwards mouthing off about ‘never having been fitter’? (Don’t get me wrong, Gent isn’t good enough either.)

Then the centre halves. The centre halves. The f***ing centre halves. I’m going bold here. Our centre halves are the worst I’ve seen in 46 years of supporting this club. Even in rubbish seasons (the last Championship relegation?) we still had a Mads Andersen. We’ve ALWAYS had at least one half decent centre half. Always. McCarthy, Futcher, May, Tiler, De Zeeuw, Morgan, Mawson, Lindsay, Helik...et bloody cetera. Jesus, even Paul McGugan was better than anything we have right now.

My friend Diane asks if Shepherd ‘is the one who used to be a kitchen fitter’. I dunno, but I guess you’d need another trade as a 19 year old footballer for Pontefract Collieries. Listen, all he needs is a bit of time, bit more experience. And maybe, just maybe, in two years time he’ll be able to fit a sink. Cos he’ll never be a footballer as long as I’ve got an ar5ehole. (Apologies, family readers, I’m vexed.) That winning goal, the way their player took the ball 6 yards away from Shepherd with his 1st touch...a player who’s knocking about for relegation candidates. It’s beyond embarrassing.

Then there’s his sidekick, Marc Roberts. You can imagine how pleased I was to see the former ‘Reds legend’ back from injury. (In fact, add ‘Roberts Mk. I’ to that list of half decent centre halves.) Never the paciest, at least he’ll add some experience and organisation to that backline. PMSL. The bloke can barely stand up without falling over. Though I presume he taught Shepherd everything he knows about controlling a football and passing it. (As an aside, do you know what their favourite board game is this Christmas? ‘Risk.’ Geddit!? Cos every time they try to control it, try to pass a ball, it looks like an accident waiting to happen.) The one central defender who can control it, MdG, is sat on the bench. (He’s also gone backwards, but he’s the best of a bad bunch, especially if…like Coach Conor…you want to be playing it out from the back.)

Mind, you’d think the hapless back 4 would have some protection, given we’re playing not one, but TWO defensive midfielders. This week it’s Connell and...Yoganathan. WTF? Who thinks playing Yoganathan at defensive midfield is a good idea? Problies the same bloke who thinks ordering Phillips to stay put on the halfway line is clever. And for a player who’s constantly running back, making tackles/obstructing opposition players when they knock the ball past him (cos Connell is very good at that), how comes our defence always look under pressure when the opposition have the ball? Could it be that Luca’s not good enough either? (I also read last week that he has a paltry amount of assists over 3 and a half seasons....something like 16....which is incredible when he hogs all the corners and freekicks too.)

Even the attacking 4 weren’t faultless. Had DKD dummied it, or played the ball on instead of bobbling a shot to their keeper, Vickers woulda been through. Cleary twice cut inside to glorious positions...and curled shots immaculately wide. Vickers one effort at scoring a goal involved controlling Kelly’s rebound and launching it into the Ponty. We shoulda nailed Mansfield. Maybe add a stag’s head to the wall at Oakwell Mansions.

Kelly meanwhile....I won’t have a word said against him. Drove forward, helped create our two goals, found Reds players. Honestly, I thought he held out very well against the Mansfield XI. It’s difficult playing a side on your own.

We were one up inside 2 minutes. Kelly drives forward and plays Cleary in on the left. His pace takes him clean through and he crashes it through the legs of former Reds haplessee Liam Roberts in goal. 10 or so minutes later it’s two, a sublime move involving Kelly finding Vickers, who slips it to DKD to swivel and send his 20 yarder into the far corner. We are cookin’.

Cooking on calorgas, in a wet field, miles from anywhere. Without any gas. Cleary blocks a cross with his arm and it’s a penalty, so clear I could see it 60 yards away. 2-1. Cooper gets a good chunk of the ball yet somehow fails to keep it out. It seems harsh calling someone useless for failing to save a penalty, so I will. He’s useless. We survive another penalty shout as their forward nips in with Cooper sliding and is taken out. A penalty, for me (and for P. Waddington, who was much closer to the incident). The clue was in the reaction of the Ponty. Normally, they all go nuts when they spot a dive. This time, most held their breath and waited. We got away with one.

Half-time comes and surely a chance for Coach Conor to tell the players to be really really rubbish (cos that’s what he normally tells them at half-time). Mansfield are level on 58. A dink to their right wing sees Earl lose his man. That said, the header across our goal is PERFECT, inbetween keeper and centre halves. Their bloke makes it his while Shepherd, Roberts and Bland run around like keystone cops. Cooper and Roberts manage to get hurt in a collision, but sadly not hurty enough to go off.

Coach Conor’s answer? Phillips and Teacher’s Pet Farrugia on for Yoganathan and Vickers. Howthehell is Farrugia allowed to set foot in their half, while Phillips hangs back? Is it cos he is Oirish? Is he banging Conor’s sister? (Again, apologies family readers.) He’s not quite as poor a footballer as Shepherd, but Christ, he tries.

And Mansfield go on to get the winner, yet another comedy concede. (Can someone ‘on socials’ please put together a top 10 of appalling goals we’ve conceded this season? Cos this is another belter.) The ball comes into our box and one touch from a 3rd division centre forward puts him 6 yards clear of Shepherd, still wondering what he’s doing on an Oakwell pitch. The subsequent shot is decently saved, but the rebound pops out nicely for A. Stag to sidefoot home inbetween Roberts and Bland. And what IS the latter doing, dangling a leg in the air while turning his back on the ball? The can-can? Auditioning to be a ballerina? As for Roberts, I thought the former captain was a ‘body on the line’ sort of player, but he makes no effort to block it. This entire back 4 (5?) need replacing.

Oh, did I mention Cleary was injured by now? Yes, he’s been struggling for 5 mins or more, and couldn’t even chase down a promising ball down our left. But, a la Stockport away, Coach Conor leaves him on. WHY????? He finally hauls him once they’ve bagged, along with Bland (who’s been trying to play as some sort of attacking midfielder since Phillips has come on, the latter being the right side of a back 3 at one point). I can’t help it, but I’m actually chuckling as I remember this. Phillips playing right hand side of a back 3. Tell me that isn’t funny.

The final bit of comedy belongs to the triumverate of Connell, Shepherd and Roberts (with back up from Cooper). There’s 30 seconds left of injury time to play and these morons are trying (failing) to knock it around at the back under pressure from ONE Mansfield Town player. The ref blows and the boos rain down. I asked Santa for 5 goals for Xmas and he delivered.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Kelly. In a league of his own. How much can we get for him in January?
** Cleary. Gives a penalty away and misses two good chances. And, yet, he’s still our second best player. How much can we get for him in January?
* DKD. Another excellent finish and some good interlinking play. How much can we get for him in January?
Official MOTM: Kelly

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Kelly 2. Cleary 3. DKD

Despatches:
Years from now, when this game’s long forgotten, I hope you remember where you were the moment Josh Earl turned into Lionel Messi. Earl receives the ball, marauds (jogs) forward, an opposition player races across, launches into the tackle...and Earl pulls the ball back, lets the player slide right past him, then continues on with his jog. What a player.

Oh, ***research alert*** we’re that bad that Port Vale haven’t won a league game since they beat us (4 draws, 7 defeats) while Rovrum have won 1 in 9 since becoming the first Millers to win at Oakwell in anybody’s lifetime but Farnham and Nice Guy Chris. THAT is how bad we are. I wish we were more like Mae West. ‘When I’m good, I’m very good...but when I’m bad, I’m better.’ But I don’t think she was talking about playing centre half for Barnsley.

Yet...and yet...I wouldn’t get rid of Conor yet. For all the trials and tribulations of watching us try to defend, the attacking side of our game is the best it’s been for years. No, I would not swap what’s happening now for the dirge of Clarke, Supply Teacher Devaney, or Collins. At least there appears to be a plan going forward. And maybe, just maybe, we’d have a better defence if it didn’t include Shepherd, Roberts or Earl, let alone all 3 of them.

Drink du jour: Verdant Lightbulb at Spiral.

Away: 2,235 (12,856). ‘Two nil up and you f***ed it up.’ Indeed.

The Damage:
c.£7 petrol
£31.50 vintage shirt
£4 programme
= c.£42.50

BFC 3-2 Leyton Orient, Saturday 13th December 2025

‘Look at all these people, staying in town to have fun.’

Lincoln City 3-1 BFC, Tuesday 9th December 2025

‘Room for a little un? By, it’s cold in here.’

I knew it was going too well. I even said so in the pub. I’d found (free) parking close to the ground. The journey had gone smoothly, including pick ups for Lucas from school, Wadd in ‘tarn’ and Stu in Retford. We’d managed to get into the nearby Wetherspoons, despite the doormen looking out for ne’er do wells (Reds fans?) We’d even managed to get a table, and order food. Honestly, being the doom monger I am, I was worried for the journey home if we won tonite. I needn’t have worried.

It was an even opening half hour or so. Twice we’d had the opportunity to play a ball inbetween the centre halves for Cleary to run onto, and twice a poor effort was intercepted (Kelly, DKD). Not that it would have mattered. Cleary was playing as badly as anyone I’ve seen this season. If he controlled the ball, he lost it. And he didn’t often control it. At the other end (in a galaxy far, far, away) Lincoln cleared the bar when it looked easier to score.

However, gradually, Lincoln took control and the general feeling when it came was that ‘it was coming’. They always looked like they had an extra man in the move, but Watson (tonite’s left back) slips, the player cuts inside, and rockets a shot into the far corner. Too easy. We limp to half-time. Changes need to be made. What will Coach Conor come up with?

He takes Yoganathan off. It’s all his fault. (Can I just say, Vimal created the our only chance of note, 1st half, a pullback for DKD’s saved shot). Replaced down the right by a player without a right foot (Farrugia). What is Conor’s obsession with playing Farrugia here? He’s very fast, but even if he strips a player down the line, he can’t cross it in cos he’s only got one foot and that’s not where the ball is.

That said, we are transformed (I’ll ignore an early scare, Cooper tipping a shot round the post after Phillips’ aberration). We are by far the better side. Cleary is getting into the game, and we are on the front foot. And on 67 DKD grabs the equaliser following the kind of sweet move we’ve seen quite often this season. Phillips lays it out wide to Bland who drills the ball low across goal for DKD to sidefoot home. WE ARE IN THIS! Right, heads down, let’s go and get the winner. We hadn’t stopped celebrating before we were picking the ball out of our own net. WTF?

From the re-start after our goal, they play the ball back to the keeper, who chips a soft ball forward. I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE OUR CENTRE HALVES ARE (today it’s Shepherd and MdG) but they have 2 (TWO!) players clean through. Watson’s little legs are feverishly scurrying but he’s nowhere near as the cheeky Imp lifts the ball over Cooper, who’s run out of his goal to join in the embarrassment. Sunday league defending.

I tried looking on the positive side. 1-2 is better than 0-1 in my world, it proves we can score. Unfortunately, it also woke the Lincoln fans up. They were now bouncing while we were disconsolate. ‘You only sing when you’re winning’ chanted some Reds fans in response. ‘They’ve been winning most of the match’ Wadd unhelpfully pointed out.

Still, 20 odd minutes left, we can still get something. 3 minutes later it’s 3-1. This defence is appalling. MdG heads a ball UPWARDS instead of OUTWARDS, everyone stands and stares and an Imp, on his own, knocks it across goal on the volley for a free header on the backpost. Down and out in Sincil Bank. The only team threatening hereafter wore red and white stripes.

It's ok tho. At least it’s not far to the car.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Kelly. I asked Wadd who’d played well (if anybody). He said Kelly. The reason I was asking, was cos it was only Kelly wot stood out for me, but I’m starting to get paranoid that I’m only voting for him cos he’s my favourite player. I don’t want to turn into Bob with Chris Shuker!
** No-one. No-one else came close to Kelly.
* DKD. Scored, had another shot saved. If you think we’re bad now, imagine how bad we’d be without the division’s top scorer.

Londontykes MOTM: 1. Kelly 2. DKD 3. Cooper

Despatches:
This defence of ours. It’s terrible. And it doesn’t matter who plays in it. Take the left back spot. Who’s played there this season? Ogbeta, Earl, MdG, Gent, Watson. Wasn’t loanee Rooney also played there? Have I missed anyone? I take Chris’s point about how well recruitment did with regards to Kelly and Cleary...but what about centre half? What about centre forward? What about left back? And this Rooney bloke. How bad must he be that he can’t get in the team ahead of Shepherd, Roberts, Earl, MdG? Is this the best Coach Conor can do with regards his footie contacts? A Derby reserve player he remembers playing youth football?

As for St. Conor, Wadd said someone on that there social media was criticising the defensive coach. Hourihane is untouchable. Even when the team can’t defend, it’s not his fault. He’s the one who brought Keogh in, he’s the one in overall control of the team, he’s the one who brings on Farrugia on the right while Vickers is left twiddling his thumbs on the bench, he’s the...etc

Dismal.

Away: 737

Drink du jour: Leffe at the Ritz Wetherspoon.

The Damage:
26 ent
c.30 petrol
= c£56