BFC 2-3 Mansfield Town, Friday 26th December 2025

‘Plod in riot gear? For Mansfield at home? Really?’

Shambles. Shambolic. Set of clowns. Moronic. Dumb beyond belief. An absolute sh*tshow. Well, there’s the synopsis. No need to read more.

I’d love to say I’m not angry, I’m disappointed. But I’m not. I’m absolutely fuming. Fuming with our defence. Fuming with Coach Conor. Fuming with Connell and his identically crap corner deliveries. Fuming at leaving my nice warm house. Fuming at the lack of a public transport system on Boxing Day so Nice Guy Chris gets out of watching this comedy. Still, in a Christmas of endless repeats of Morecambe and Wise, Two Ronnies, Mrs Brown’s Boys (more fumination)...it’s the Super Reds who provide the most mirth of the festive period.

The headline figure is we tossed away a two goal lead to lose 3-2. But it’s worse than that. Mansfield haven’t scored in over a month and are challenging the relegation spots. In 2 successive games we’ve conceded a total of 6 goals to two of the worst teams in the division. (Let’s not forget, bottom of the table Port Vale played us off the park at Oakwell the other week.) Our defensive organisation is beyond awful. Aren’t players and systems meant to improve the more you play them?

This week’s mentalists are Cooper in goal, as ever. And, as ever, he fails to make a difference. Howthehell did he keep 20 clean sheets last season for Stevenage? (The clue might be in looking at where Stevenage are now; maybe it had nothing to do with Cooper and they weren’t bothered in losing him.) My patience has snapped. I’ve been willing to grant him some leeway behind THAT back 4...but enough’s enough. He runs out of goal and makes the odd block, but that’s about it.

Right back is Bland, who, by all accounts, is the GOAT of defensive midfielders. (Mind, he was the GOAT of fullbacks before he was switched to midfield. Keir Starmer needs to employ Bland’s PR ppl, cos I don’t see it.) He ended the game trying to be an attacking central midfielder, while star man Kelly was shunted out wide. Insane. But let’s not digress into Coach Conor’s bewildering tictacs yet. The previously reliable Watson sits on the bench.

This week’s left back of choice is Josh Earl, who’s never previously let us down at full back. Sorry, I mean, ‘has never previously NOT let us down at fullback’. He actually had a good first half, before resorting to type in the collapse. (The equaliser comes from a backpost header...on his backpost.) Where’s Ogbeta? Shingles, allegedly. Where’s Gent? Knackered after his return from months out a fortnite ago? What? Despite being interviewed on Radio Sheff afterwards mouthing off about ‘never having been fitter’? (Don’t get me wrong, Gent isn’t good enough either.)

Then the centre halves. The centre halves. The f***ing centre halves. I’m going bold here. Our centre halves are the worst I’ve seen in 46 years of supporting this club. Even in rubbish seasons (the last Championship relegation?) we still had a Mads Andersen. We’ve ALWAYS had at least one half decent centre half. Always. McCarthy, Futcher, May, Tiler, De Zeeuw, Morgan, Mawson, Lindsay, Helik...et bloody cetera. Jesus, even Paul McGugan was better than anything we have right now.

My friend Diane asks if Shepherd ‘is the one who used to be a kitchen fitter’. I dunno, but I guess you’d need another trade as a 19 year old footballer for Pontefract Collieries. Listen, all he needs is a bit of time, bit more experience. And maybe, just maybe, in two years time he’ll be able to fit a sink. Cos he’ll never be a footballer as long as I’ve got an ar5ehole. (Apologies, family readers, I’m vexed.) That winning goal, the way their player took the ball 6 yards away from Shepherd with his 1st touch...a player who’s knocking about for relegation candidates. It’s beyond embarrassing.

Then there’s his sidekick, Marc Roberts. You can imagine how pleased I was to see the former ‘Reds legend’ back from injury. (In fact, add ‘Roberts Mk. I’ to that list of half decent centre halves.) Never the paciest, at least he’ll add some experience and organisation to that backline. PMSL. The bloke can barely stand up without falling over. Though I presume he taught Shepherd everything he knows about controlling a football and passing it. (As an aside, do you know what their favourite board game is this Christmas? ‘Risk.’ Geddit!? Cos every time they try to control it, try to pass a ball, it looks like an accident waiting to happen.) The one central defender who can control it, MdG, is sat on the bench. (He’s also gone backwards, but he’s the best of a bad bunch, especially if…like Coach Conor…you want to be playing it out from the back.)

Mind, you’d think the hapless back 4 would have some protection, given we’re playing not one, but TWO defensive midfielders. This week it’s Connell and...Yoganathan. WTF? Who thinks playing Yoganathan at defensive midfield is a good idea? Problies the same bloke who thinks ordering Phillips to stay put on the halfway line is clever. And for a player who’s constantly running back, making tackles/obstructing opposition players when they knock the ball past him (cos Connell is very good at that), how comes our defence always look under pressure when the opposition have the ball? Could it be that Luca’s not good enough either? (I also read last week that he has a paltry amount of assists over 3 and a half seasons....something like 16....which is incredible when he hogs all the corners and freekicks too.)

Even the attacking 4 weren’t faultless. Had DKD dummied it, or played the ball on instead of bobbling a shot to their keeper, Vickers woulda been through. Cleary twice cut inside to glorious positions...and curled shots immaculately wide. Vickers one effort at scoring a goal involved controlling Kelly’s rebound and launching it into the Ponty. We shoulda nailed Mansfield. Maybe add a stag’s head to the wall at Oakwell Mansions.

Kelly meanwhile....I won’t have a word said against him. Drove forward, helped create our two goals, found Reds players. Honestly, I thought he held out very well against the Mansfield XI. It’s difficult playing a side on your own.

We were one up inside 2 minutes. Kelly drives forward and plays Cleary in on the left. His pace takes him clean through and he crashes it through the legs of former Reds haplessee Liam Roberts in goal. 10 or so minutes later it’s two, a sublime move involving Kelly finding Vickers, who slips it to DKD to swivel and send his 20 yarder into the far corner. We are cookin’.

Cooking on calorgas, in a wet field, miles from anywhere. Without any gas. Cleary blocks a cross with his arm and it’s a penalty, so clear I could see it 60 yards away. 2-1. Cooper gets a good chunk of the ball yet somehow fails to keep it out. It seems harsh calling someone useless for failing to save a penalty, so I will. He’s useless. We survive another penalty shout as their forward nips in with Cooper sliding and is taken out. A penalty, for me (and for P. Waddington, who was much closer to the incident). The clue was in the reaction of the Ponty. Normally, they all go nuts when they spot a dive. This time, most held their breath and waited. We got away with one.

Half-time comes and surely a chance for Coach Conor to tell the players to be really really rubbish (cos that’s what he normally tells them at half-time). Mansfield are level on 58. A dink to their right wing sees Earl lose his man. That said, the header across our goal is PERFECT, inbetween keeper and centre halves. Their bloke makes it his while Shepherd, Roberts and Bland run around like keystone cops. Cooper and Roberts manage to get hurt in a collision, but sadly not hurty enough to go off.

Coach Conor’s answer? Phillips and Teacher’s Pet Farrugia on for Yoganathan and Vickers. Howthehell is Farrugia allowed to set foot in their half, while Phillips hangs back? Is it cos he is Oirish? Is he banging Conor’s sister? (Again, apologies family readers.) He’s not quite as poor a footballer as Shepherd, but Christ, he tries.

And Mansfield go on to get the winner, yet another comedy concede. (Can someone ‘on socials’ please put together a top 10 of appalling goals we’ve conceded this season? Cos this is another belter.) The ball comes into our box and one touch from a 3rd division centre forward puts him 6 yards clear of Shepherd, still wondering what he’s doing on an Oakwell pitch. The subsequent shot is decently saved, but the rebound pops out nicely for A. Stag to sidefoot home inbetween Roberts and Bland. And what IS the latter doing, dangling a leg in the air while turning his back on the ball? The can-can? Auditioning to be a ballerina? As for Roberts, I thought the former captain was a ‘body on the line’ sort of player, but he makes no effort to block it. This entire back 4 (5?) need replacing.

Oh, did I mention Cleary was injured by now? Yes, he’s been struggling for 5 mins or more, and couldn’t even chase down a promising ball down our left. But, a la Stockport away, Coach Conor leaves him on. WHY????? He finally hauls him once they’ve bagged, along with Bland (who’s been trying to play as some sort of attacking midfielder since Phillips has come on, the latter being the right side of a back 3 at one point). I can’t help it, but I’m actually chuckling as I remember this. Phillips playing right hand side of a back 3. Tell me that isn’t funny.

The final bit of comedy belongs to the triumverate of Connell, Shepherd and Roberts (with back up from Cooper). There’s 30 seconds left of injury time to play and these morons are trying (failing) to knock it around at the back under pressure from ONE Mansfield Town player. The ref blows and the boos rain down. I asked Santa for 5 goals for Xmas and he delivered.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Kelly. In a league of his own. How much can we get for him in January?
** Cleary. Gives a penalty away and misses two good chances. And, yet, he’s still our second best player. How much can we get for him in January?
* DKD. Another excellent finish and some good interlinking play. How much can we get for him in January?
Official MOTM: Kelly

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Kelly 2. Cleary 3. DKD

Despatches:
Years from now, when this game’s long forgotten, I hope you remember where you were the moment Josh Earl turned into Lionel Messi. Earl receives the ball, marauds (jogs) forward, an opposition player races across, launches into the tackle...and Earl pulls the ball back, lets the player slide right past him, then continues on with his jog. What a player.

Oh, ***research alert*** we’re that bad that Port Vale haven’t won a league game since they beat us (4 draws, 7 defeats) while Rovrum have won 1 in 9 since becoming the first Millers to win at Oakwell in anybody’s lifetime but Farnham and Nice Guy Chris. THAT is how bad we are. I wish we were more like Mae West. ‘When I’m good, I’m very good...but when I’m bad, I’m better.’ But I don’t think she was talking about playing centre half for Barnsley.

Yet...and yet...I wouldn’t get rid of Conor yet. For all the trials and tribulations of watching us try to defend, the attacking side of our game is the best it’s been for years. No, I would not swap what’s happening now for the dirge of Clarke, Supply Teacher Devaney, or Collins. At least there appears to be a plan going forward. And maybe, just maybe, we’d have a better defence if it didn’t include Shepherd, Roberts or Earl, let alone all 3 of them.

Drink du jour: Verdant Lightbulb at Spiral.

Away: 2,235 (12,856). ‘Two nil up and you f***ed it up.’ Indeed.

The Damage:
c.£7 petrol
£31.50 vintage shirt
£4 programme
= c.£42.50

BFC 1-2 Mansfield Town, Friday 9th August 2024

‘It’s the muthaf*uckin’ po-lice.’

Start as you mean to go on. In a game that lasted 97 minutes, I don’t see 2 by going to the toilet and miss our only goal of the game. I’d say ‘typical’, except that as we were being outclassed by Mansfield Town (Mansfield Town!) I did say I was off to the toilet in the hope we might score. There was precious little evidence up to that point that we were going to trouble their net. Of course, as we ramped up the pressure second half, I was being encouraged by those around me to take another convenience break. It’s all my fault.

We were 2 down inside 20 minutes, and that was even with the help of the officials somehow disallowing a soft 20 yarder for offside. Kilip was in goal. He couldn’t get a start last season in front of Roberts, whose game went to pieces, and today he’s in ahead of a keeper we’ve reputedly paid 200k for...with a Chelsea reserve reserve reserve due in to rescue us from both. If that 200k Walsall keeper is no better than Kilip, someone needs their heads examining with regards to our transfer policy.

Then Mansfield DO score a 20 odd yarder. Roberts (different one) heads a corner clear, but not clear enough as it’s half volleyed into the far top corner. We used to have a player who could do that once. He was called Conor Hourihane. Class finish, but no pressure on the player. Minutes later it’s 2, as we’re roasted down our left and the cross is flicked in at the near post. Shoddy defensive work, but we can’t say the Stags didn’t deserve it. Could we beat our opening day 0-4 at home to Wigan the other year? Dunno, but we can try!

I message the first ‘Clarke Out’ of the season. I can’t help but think someone would’ve beaten me to it. We are looking WOEFUL. The midfield can’t get hold of the ball while punts to our two big centre forwards keep coming back with interest from their ONE giant centre half, the veteran Aden Flint, who once went for 7 mill, let it be said. Our defence looks like it’s never met each other. Maybe it hasn’t? But what’s this? Clarke is calling it early. He’s sending on Super Jonny Russell to the rescue, the only known footballer slower than Herbie Kane. Debutant Gent gets hauled, but it could’ve been any of them.

And it WORKS. The midfield get hold of the ball. Russell in particular looks unfazed in possession and finds his own men, which is a novelty. I still elect to visit the gentlemen’s, as we’re not scoring otherwise, and I gladly claim my assist as the crowd goes wild as I get my knob out. I could get used to this. Oh, we’ve scored. OK. Returning to the concourse, I spend a full minute waiting to see a replay but it looks like Sky Sports News and they’re talking about anything else. Sorry, this game is live on telly and the club can’t be arsed to put it on the little screens underneath the stand? So I still haven’t seen it. The lady in the seat in front baits me for missing it. ‘I suppose you’re gonna tell me it was one of the best goals you’ve ever seen?’ ‘It was marginally better than Cosgrove’s against Wycombe last season.’ I hear it trickled in. Watters misses a simple headed chance to equalise. My limited vocabulary has run out of words to describe him.

Second half, it is all us, but without ever looking likely to score. Sure, Cosgrove blazes a half volley over from 8 yards. Marsh turns and shoots straight at the keeper from 6. Connell has a couple of potshots. Yet they probably have the best couple of chances, breaking free 3 on 2 and messing it up. Kilip makes an incredible diving save to the top corner (pretty much as some imbecile decides to leave, thereby half blocking my view) and if they’d cut the ball back, 2 on 1, they’d have had a tap-in.

We are bottom of the league.

Onwards and upwards!
*** Russell. I considered Luca, but Russell’s steady hand on deck curbed the potential rout and got us back into it.
** Connell. Strove forward, got shots off, scored (I’m told).
* Lofthouse. A promising cameo wide left from the sub, including a lovely cross to the near post that should’ve been buried. It wasn’t.

Official MOTM: Connell

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Connell 2. Russell 3. Lofthouse

Despatches:
Well, here we are. A new Sky TV deal means we’re looking at being on Sky 20 times this season. 3 Satdy 3pm home games have already been switched...to Friday nite (Mansfield), Saturday nite (Stockport) and Monday evening (Rovrum). How much are teams making from this deal? How much is Sky making? Who is going to watch Barnsley v Mansfield Town when there are 5 other games on tonite, mostly from the Championship? This deal is insane. And if I still lived in that there London, I’d have probably rang Oakwell after the games were switched and demanded my money back. As an exile, I could only ever see about 16 home games a season, now it’d be 13. (It could yet get worse, with home games up against ‘international weekends’.) I’m tempted to suggest fans who can’t make re-arranged games should be refunded pro-rata...but I suspect by the 2nd half of the season you’d have 8,000 ST holders suddenly ‘not being able to make the new date’ (whenever it is). Part of the attraction of watching a match on telly is the atmosphere, the fans...but if you’re messing around with Satdy 3pm kick-offs, you’ll get smaller crowds and fewer people interested in watching cos all you can see is empty seats. This is not the Premiership. (That said, I can make any home game and can now spend those Satdy afternoons watching some non-league footie. But I still think it’s s***.)

The team? It was a welcome return for Roberts and Hourihane, the latter in particular getting a hero’s reception when he came on as sub...before being as average as anyone else. Roberts hasn’t changed. He can head a ball and...anyway, he can head a ball. And throw a ball too, and one effort led to Cosgrove flicking a harmless effort into the keeper.

Defensively, I’m not sure Roberts, MdG, Earl or O’Keefe could hold their heads high. O’Keefe challenged Phillips for anonymity. Gent was hauled after 26 minutes (26 minutes!) which at least showed Clarke’s willingness to do something (anything) though the fact we once again started 3-5-2 suggests it doesn’t matter who our manager is, the formation remains the same. That said, we did get the ball up the pitch quicker than last season (and it came back faster too). Kilip saved half of the shots he faced, and did catch a decent cross. He’d look alright at Guiseley.

I only fleetingly noticed Craig in midfield, the Spurs loanee who was a wizz at Doncaster Rovers last season. Whoopee doo. Up front...I kid you not...it was Cosgrove and Watters. Aren’t they the same player? Surely there is only room for one slow, lump of a player? I was annoyed, as the two together did less than Cosgrove on his own late last season. It didn’t help that we simply put the ball on Flint’s head. But last season, when we played a similar (Bolton) giant in the play-offs, we had Cosgrove peeling off and winning header after header. Was it the supply today? Watters was hauled after 62 minutes for a player whose future lies in non-league (Marsh). Says it all. But at least Marsh runs about and is keen, bless. With Jalo injured, it would be a dereliction of duty NOT to bring in a centre forward. What is it with centre forwards? We’re incapable of scouting em, and incapable of bringing them through our system. (Do we have a ‘system’?)

The subs came on...Lofthouse had early success before losing it (twice). Cotter made one 60 yard run that only Barry can...before he played the ball inside and 2 passes later we were back in our own half. Just like last season!

Still, it’s not all bad. Sarah’s brother and family have invited themselves round on Tuesday, so I guess I don’t have to go to Wigan, And hardly anyone now wears that horrific stars shirt from last season. The new shirt has 21 (slightly more subtle) stars on it. I think Oakwell Historian said it was to reflect our record unbeaten run or summink. But you could think of any number and make it mean SOMETHING to Barnsley FC. Try it. I’m going 3767. (Number of hairs on Herbie Kane’s head x number of shots Adam Phillips has hit into the crowd + number of times Bruce Dire was offside. (42 * 67 + 953)

Drink du jour: Hoop IPA (Full Circle Brew Co.) Not a strong taste, but I liked it. Reedy felt it was a bit too ‘Planet Pale’ therefore a little disappointing.

Away: 3,296 Tremendous. Isn’t that more than they get for home games? (Only joking.) The cheeky blighters responded to home fans chanting in the second half with a round of ‘we forgot that you were here’….which was ironic, cos up till I heard them sing that, I’d forgotten they were there. (Crowd: 14,817).

The Damage:
c.£8 petrol
£55 home shirt (WITHOUT sponsor).
= £63

ps, I was at Oakwell a few hours before kick-off and overheard a member of the shop staff ask what they should say to customers who’re wondering when shirts in the sizes currently unavailable will appear. Let’s just say they have no idea when Jonesy will get a shirt that fits him.