‘I feel shit’
What a game. Like 2 bald men fighting over a comb, or 2 fat blokes battering each other to exhaustion in a MMA bash (I’ve seen the latter), next season’s division 3 mid-tablers fought out a thrilling and error-strewn contest. It coulda, shoulda, finished 10-6 – to Yeovil.
The opener set the scene for the match, as a harmless through ball was left by Ramage after a shout from Butland. Cue the keeper left in no man’s land as their striker ran past Ramage to hook the ball into the net. Loko tears up about 3 betting slips. (Why do people bet on their OWN team?) Still, like Birmingham last time out, there’s plenty of time for the Super Reds to pull it back, and besides, that goal will force them to come out and play.
So, Mellis loses it (again) on the halfway line and we are caught short. A quick break and it’s one-on-one with Butland….it’s beaten Butland…it must be a goal…Christ, it’s 2-0….oh my lord! It’s hit the post and ran across the goal to safety. What ARE we doing? This lot are s***. (Them, not us. But us as well).
Honestly, the half was crazy. We had the ball most of the time, but every time they had it they ran up the pitch and missed an unbelievable chance. I cannot describe every chance missed, but me and Moll counted them from the exec box and made it 6 or 7, for sure. It should certainly have been four nil before we were given the proverbial ‘lifeline’ with a dodgy pen – Cywka having his foot slightly clipped, but not really worth a pen. Cheers ref! Tudgay steps up to score the only way he knows how – on a plate.
Everyone knows we don’t deserve owt, yet, remarkably, we are a clearance off the line away from 2-1 up. How we’d have laughed. (Actually, we were still laughing from the penalty decision.) O’Brien, who’d given us some form of attacking impetus since coming on as sub, knocks a ball back 1st time for the onrushing (on-plodding?) Mellis to curl into the top corner. Fabulous finish, beats the keeper all ends up. Shame about the backtracking defender who heads the ball over for a corner. Somehow we limp to half time, still level.
The break gives us and the players a chance to have a beer in the warmth. That made a pleasant change. Surely we’d improve after the break, with a bollocking from the manager?
Yes and no. We certainly looked better, not giving Yeovil quite as many chances to score, but it was a tired performance towards the end. Yeovil still had golden opportunities, notably a couple of headers from 4 yards out and a 3 on 1 break which they spectacularly messed up. Then, with Scotland already on, Mellon played his trump card: sending on centre half M’Voto up front. And would you believe it – he nearly scored, a marvellous diving save from their keeper . Within a minute, the keeper makes another point blank save and the Super Reds look almost likely to nick it in injury time. And Yeovil still nearly scored again on the break.
So there it is. One-all and no-one in any doubt that these two teams are going down. The only question is who will come bottom.
*** O’Brien. Legged it forward, legged it back, put us in some promising positions by playing the ball 1st time instead of controlling it, holding it, waiting for 3 defenders to turn up, then giving it away (are you listening, McCourt?)
** Cwyka. Best chance of a goal. Hit 2 or 3 shots, at least one of which was spilled by the keeper for the centre forward to tap home. Except said centre forwards were never there. Understandably, he tired towards the end (as did O’Brien). Got the pen with a nice bit of skill.
* M’Voto. To hell with it. Tactical genius or desperate, desperate throw of the dice, but created havoc when pushed up front. (‘As he does in defence’, some might say).
Sponsors MOTM: Mellis. Hilarious.
Despatches:
Ramage – bloody awful. It wasn’t even the f*** up with Butland what narked, it was the twice I saw him turned in our own box in the second half. Only woeful finishing prevented the subsequent crosses from being goals. And with the number of chances they missed, that was SOME hole in centre defence. Hassell anyone?
McCourt. Thank god someone tackled him, giving him the opportunity to limp out of another match, cos him and Mellis in midfield are a liability. As I said earlier, all McCourt does is hold up the pace of an attack by holding onto the ball and wanting to go on a dribble. There is a time and a place, Paddy. Occasionally, son, you need to resist temptation and lay the ball off 1st time to somebody ELSE. Alternatively, p*** off and go and play beach football. (Mind, he made one SUPERB pass to put Wiseman through early on. Shame Wiseman had neither the ability nor inclination to stick out the requisite foot to control the ball.)
Tudgay/Pedersen. Weak as p***. What one can’t do, the pair of them certainly can’t. Neither held a ball up all day and one O’Grady does more on his own than this pair can do together. We’d be better sticking another man in midfield, or, dare I say it, play 4-4-1-1 with Paddy or Mellis behind the striker. Then there’s the times we hit a shot and the keeper spills it. This pair are STILL stood 3 yards behind the defenders. GET IN THERE. Don’t WAIT to see where the ball is going, GAMBLE. Christ on a velocipede.
Mellis. What is there to say? It was the kind of game where his fans (Selwood) got to point out 2 or 3 moments of brilliance and say he had a good game, while the other 9000 (I’m not counting all the kids with free tickets who had their heads in bags of sweets) noticed how many times he simply gave the ball away to the opposition. Invariably this was done somewhere on the halfway line, with other Reds’ players pushing forward…leaving us remarkably susceptible to the counter attack.
Mind, did the MOTM presentation give us the mark of the man? While he was hunted out in the dressing room to be told to get over to the exec suite pronto, he gets his clothes on and sneaks out the back entrance into the night. I’d love to give him the benefit of the doubt; he’s embarrassed by the award, he knows how bad he was, and he’s going home to sulk. Or b) he’s gonna rush out to the players’ Christmas party and forget all about who pays his wages. I was looking forward to asking him how well he thought he’d played an’ all.
Fair dues to the professionalism of Pedersen and Dawson to come out for the sponsors. ‘So, Marcus, after the team gave it’s all today, how do you feel?’ ‘I feel s***’. Brilliant. He wasn’t allowed near the mic again. And then there’s Dawson, somehow hiding the disappointment of not being picked against his own brother’s team, sounding very articulate (and media trained) in focusing his answers on what was ‘best for the team’. I’d have told it like it was. (Barry Murphy tried, bless, him, but is perhaps suffering from the age old problem of…old age, so simply repeated the same 3 sentences half a dozen times.)
Hassell – I was reading the programme. Can Wadd get our official club historian to find out what the longest run of non-playing substitute appearances is please, cos I reckon Hassell is now up there. Must be easy being a Barnsley manager. Placate these Barnsley numpties by putting Hassell in the squad, but don’t give him a game, no matter how bad it gets in defence.  |
| The away dressing room |
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| In the exec box today, lads! |
So, Mellis loses it (again) on the halfway line and we are caught short. A quick break and it’s one-on-one with Butland….it’s beaten Butland…it must be a goal…Christ, it’s 2-0….oh my lord! It’s hit the post and ran across the goal to safety. What ARE we doing? This lot are s***. (Them, not us. But us as well).
Honestly, the half was crazy. We had the ball most of the time, but every time they had it they ran up the pitch and missed an unbelievable chance. I cannot describe every chance missed, but me and Moll counted them from the exec box and made it 6 or 7, for sure. It should certainly have been four nil before we were given the proverbial ‘lifeline’ with a dodgy pen – Cywka having his foot slightly clipped, but not really worth a pen. Cheers ref! Tudgay steps up to score the only way he knows how – on a plate.
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| Us scoring...it's all a blur. |
The break gives us and the players a chance to have a beer in the warmth. That made a pleasant change. Surely we’d improve after the break, with a bollocking from the manager?
Yes and no. We certainly looked better, not giving Yeovil quite as many chances to score, but it was a tired performance towards the end. Yeovil still had golden opportunities, notably a couple of headers from 4 yards out and a 3 on 1 break which they spectacularly messed up. Then, with Scotland already on, Mellon played his trump card: sending on centre half M’Voto up front. And would you believe it – he nearly scored, a marvellous diving save from their keeper . Within a minute, the keeper makes another point blank save and the Super Reds look almost likely to nick it in injury time. And Yeovil still nearly scored again on the break.
So there it is. One-all and no-one in any doubt that these two teams are going down. The only question is who will come bottom.
*** O’Brien. Legged it forward, legged it back, put us in some promising positions by playing the ball 1st time instead of controlling it, holding it, waiting for 3 defenders to turn up, then giving it away (are you listening, McCourt?)
** Cwyka. Best chance of a goal. Hit 2 or 3 shots, at least one of which was spilled by the keeper for the centre forward to tap home. Except said centre forwards were never there. Understandably, he tired towards the end (as did O’Brien). Got the pen with a nice bit of skill.
* M’Voto. To hell with it. Tactical genius or desperate, desperate throw of the dice, but created havoc when pushed up front. (‘As he does in defence’, some might say).
Sponsors MOTM: Mellis. Hilarious.
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| The press area at Oakwell. For no reason in particular. |
Ramage – bloody awful. It wasn’t even the f*** up with Butland what narked, it was the twice I saw him turned in our own box in the second half. Only woeful finishing prevented the subsequent crosses from being goals. And with the number of chances they missed, that was SOME hole in centre defence. Hassell anyone?
McCourt. Thank god someone tackled him, giving him the opportunity to limp out of another match, cos him and Mellis in midfield are a liability. As I said earlier, all McCourt does is hold up the pace of an attack by holding onto the ball and wanting to go on a dribble. There is a time and a place, Paddy. Occasionally, son, you need to resist temptation and lay the ball off 1st time to somebody ELSE. Alternatively, p*** off and go and play beach football. (Mind, he made one SUPERB pass to put Wiseman through early on. Shame Wiseman had neither the ability nor inclination to stick out the requisite foot to control the ball.)
Tudgay/Pedersen. Weak as p***. What one can’t do, the pair of them certainly can’t. Neither held a ball up all day and one O’Grady does more on his own than this pair can do together. We’d be better sticking another man in midfield, or, dare I say it, play 4-4-1-1 with Paddy or Mellis behind the striker. Then there’s the times we hit a shot and the keeper spills it. This pair are STILL stood 3 yards behind the defenders. GET IN THERE. Don’t WAIT to see where the ball is going, GAMBLE. Christ on a velocipede.
Mellis. What is there to say? It was the kind of game where his fans (Selwood) got to point out 2 or 3 moments of brilliance and say he had a good game, while the other 9000 (I’m not counting all the kids with free tickets who had their heads in bags of sweets) noticed how many times he simply gave the ball away to the opposition. Invariably this was done somewhere on the halfway line, with other Reds’ players pushing forward…leaving us remarkably susceptible to the counter attack.
Mind, did the MOTM presentation give us the mark of the man? While he was hunted out in the dressing room to be told to get over to the exec suite pronto, he gets his clothes on and sneaks out the back entrance into the night. I’d love to give him the benefit of the doubt; he’s embarrassed by the award, he knows how bad he was, and he’s going home to sulk. Or b) he’s gonna rush out to the players’ Christmas party and forget all about who pays his wages. I was looking forward to asking him how well he thought he’d played an’ all.
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| The infamous West Stand bogs. Or a comment on Jacob Mellis? |
Fair dues to the professionalism of Pedersen and Dawson to come out for the sponsors. ‘So, Marcus, after the team gave it’s all today, how do you feel?’ ‘I feel s***’. Brilliant. He wasn’t allowed near the mic again. And then there’s Dawson, somehow hiding the disappointment of not being picked against his own brother’s team, sounding very articulate (and media trained) in focusing his answers on what was ‘best for the team’. I’d have told it like it was. (Barry Murphy tried, bless, him, but is perhaps suffering from the age old problem of…old age, so simply repeated the same 3 sentences half a dozen times.)
Of course, none of this report should fail to mention it was the 60th birthday of a Mr P. Norris, match programme sponsor, loyal BFC exile and all round good egg. Thanks to his generosity for treating us to the exec box. Don’t let Jacob Mellis ruin your b/day, mate. (Otherwise you’ll let him ruin every Saturday!) Great day, great to see everyone, and a nice touch from the Vienna branch for sending the champagne. Note to Bob: next time, send 2 or 3 bottles!
Paul – Happy 60th. I had a great time. I hope you did too!!!!
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| Happy Birthday, P! |
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| The sponsor looking more dejected than the players... |
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