Burton Albion 1-1 BFC, Friday 3rd April 2026

‘Where DO wookies s***?’

I think Burton Albion are metamorphorsising into Luton Town, the number of ex-Reds in their line up. Brad Collins in goal, Jasper Moon shoring up the defence, Kyran Lofthouse on the wing and Toby Sibbick benchwarming. On the latter, the manager said he’d been playing well lately, out of position at left back, but (get this!) he wanted a left footer there against the Super Reds. As for Lofthouse, he achieved his 10th assist of the season, while Brad Collins does what Brad Collins does: timewaste. His options are limited, what with the change in rules regarding the 6 second rule, but his (not so) subtle timewasting at goalkicks was bringing out the PTSD in me. Moon, I never noticed, probably cos we barely attacked.

I’d made a lateish decision to travel to Burton, based purely on convincing Sarah that it might be the done thing to occasionally visit her parents in nearby Lichfield (we only stayed one night). Besides, I like going to Burton. Laidback, loads of great places to drink, steady walk to the ground. Easy parking too, if you’re sent around a one-way system and somehow end up outside one of the two pubs one had earmarked (Cooper’s Tavern). Love this place. Ye olde worlde, with beer served from the barrel. Plus a pork pie. Pre-match was complete with pub chat about the latest American space exploration. As you do.

I also bumped into a couple of Reds’ fans too. ‘Optimistic?’ I asked. ‘Optimistic? I’m not even interested. I’m only here for the beer.’ These lads later beat me to the ground, even though they were ordering a pint as I left. Did a Lord Selwood and ordered a taxi. I bet they wished they’d stayed in the pub.

I got there in time for kick-off (brisk pace!) and it started well. Flavell in goal was serenaded by the faithful ‘he’s one of our own’. A change is as good as a rest. Perhaps Canada can call up Crapman more often? MdG (or ‘De Vagina’ as I heard him referred to) and O’Connell had the job of protecting Flavell, and this lasted all of 7 minutes, till O’Connell got injured. On comes the GOAT at right back, the right footed right back (Watson) going to left back and the (alleged) centre half moving from left back to centre half. We’re so fluid!

The opening 45, we barely got out of our half, yet arguably created the best 2 opportunities, both squandered by T. Bradshaw. If he’s not scoring, he’s not contributing in my book. The first, he’s unlucky, as he diverts a shot and it hits the keeper. The second, from a lovely cross by McG, he can pick his spot. He did – a yard wide. He really needs to retire, or play a further rung or 2 down (he might get his chance, if he stays!).

Still, at least we weren’t losing. Flavell fumbled a shot across goal and also dropped it, being cleaned out by 2 Reds defenders. Do we do ‘practice’? Thankfully there was no-one to tap home on either occasion. I start mulling on the possibility of our first clean sheet in forever being when we put this season’s 3rd choice in t’nets. If so, would Coach Conor retain his place? I needn’t have worried. I also note MdG getting a few points from the tellybob viewers, but all I remember about his performance was making 3 mistakes in the opening 10 minutes.

On the hour, a neat give-and-go leaves Lofthouse the simple option of squaring it for an open goal. Too easy. It’s down their right, but on seeing it on telly, the only person in a position to do owt (Yoganothing...sorry, Yoganathan) trips over his own feet. Ah well. This is the cue for the away end to turn toxic. ‘Sacked in the morning, you’re getting sacked in the morning.’ He wasn’t. But the worm has turned. This lot were the ones singing summat about Conor returning us to glory earlier in the season.

Then, I dunno what happened. Someone had the idea to stop it with the negative chanting and for the rest of the match it was all ‘we’ve got Super Daniel Stendal...Mads at the back, Cauley in attack’ etc Si senor, give the ball to Woodrow he will score. Always believe in...Devante Cole. COLE! Even an appearance by Bambo Diaby and his large appendage. (I mean a chant, obviously, not the actual physical specimen.) That the chants were all based on players in the last 10 years somewhat showed the age of those contributing. Where’s ‘can you hear the Ponty roaring, Ronnie Glavin’s always scoring’? I guess ‘can you hear the Bapp for Bolts Pontefract Road End roaring, David McGoldrick’s always scoring’ doesn’t scan so well. Still, good to hear Jalo is still ‘better than Christiano’. Last time I looked, he couldn’t get a game on loan at Oldham.

Coach Conor rang the changes, sending on the ineffective Cleary for the ineffective Banks, Phillips for Kelly (ditto) and then, on 74, the GAME CHANGER. Roberts and Farrell on for MdG and Watson. All out attack! Well, certainly fewer defenders and more forwards. And as injury time loomed, Connell curled a beautiful free kick (credit where credit is due) over the defence for Roberts to head across goal and McG finish from about 3 yards. Burton have been robbed. We celebrate not losing.

Onwards and upwards!

*** No-one. Like the Super Reds, I am struggling.
** No-one. Ran No-one very close for 1st.
* Roberts. Saved us a point from the bench.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Shepherd 2. MdG 3= McGoldrick / No-one

Despatches:
I read a stat on the BBC website, pre-match. In 10 Good Friday games, Burton have won only once – against the Super Reds a couple of years ago. Part of me would’ve been ecstatic if we’d extended that to 2 teams in 11 games – both of them Barnsley.

I walked back to the station, to pick up Sarah. A helpful attendant (AKA crowd control) was obviously worried about me lurking. ‘Where would you like to go?’ I thought. ‘Australia, maybe New Zealand.’ She looked at me like I’d said something about her mum.

Drink du jour: Joules Krush Smash pale ale (very average) and Jaipur at Cooper’s Tavern.

Away: c. 1,200 (4,203)

The Damage:
£19 ent
c.£30 petrol
= £49

Euxton Villa 0-5 Atherton Laburnum Rovers, Tuesday 24th March 2026

Euxton Villa 0-5 Atherton Laburnum Rovers, North West Counties League Premier Division, Jim Fowler Memorial Ground, att. 181

Talk about a last minute decision. Kev and I were off to Ashton Town, till it was postponed half an hour before kick-off, as we arrived. But, knowing Euxton Villa kicked off at 8, we knew we were in plenty of time to get to the Jim Fowler Memorial Ground. And, unbeknownst to us, this game would almost certainly be on, despite the rain. They have a plastic pitch.

Mind, tonite’s game is apparently a replay of an earlier, postponed or abandoned game. Why was that called off? Medical emergency? But we’re not complaining, tonite’s entrance fee is the princely sum of three pounds, or less than the can of beer from their canteen (I hesitate to use the term ‘social club’ as it was a bit small.)

My first impression as I entered the ground (canteen to our right) behind the goal, was ‘where’s the cover for standing,’ The rain was coming down at a pace and, although I could see a couple of stands, these were seating only. We could barely see the small structure on the far right touchline, and with virtually half the crowd in here, it felt quite busy. (Note: the crowd was 181).

On the opposite touchline, there was a brand new ‘off the back of a lorry’ stand, made super smart by the seats in alternate Euxton colours of orange (amber?) and black. There was more seating the other side of the canteen, in a tiny structure with about 20 seats, and wheelchair space. But the overall impression was of a club on the up. Everything was spick and span, from the perimeter fence to the plastic pitch. A walk around the ground showed the next improvement: flat standing, the limestone underlay already in place. Sadly, thids meant no circumference. No wonder the only spectator behind the goal in the opening half was a club volunteer. Maybe their next move after that could be filling in some of the potholes in their sizeable adjacent car park? But I’m nitpicking.

As I said, the social club was small and there were no beers on tap. Cruzcampo felt the best of a bad bunch, if you’re not one to drink Guinness or Strongbow Fruit. (I’m not.) Signed Bolton and Wigan shirts adorned the wall, rather than a telly showing Sky, while even the pennants were hanging off some trophy atop a cupboard. Still, it was warm and dry, and provided welcome respite from the rain.

And it poured. A temporary lull allowed us our walk, but the second half was played in constant rain, so shout out to the Euxton photographer, there to the end on the offchance her team would produce something worth photographing. She’s a better man than I am.

The game itself turned into a rout. Laburnum Rovers (who’d brought a few, btw) scored early and always looked superior, despite spirited home resistance. A couple of goals just before half-time made it 0-3 at the break, and when Laburnum went 4 up after 47, it looked like it could be anything. Mind, 3 of the goals came from corners, including one that was tapped in on the volley from 3 yards out. Truly appalling defending. The 5th came in the 90th minute, after Euxton had made the Rovers’ box several times. Typical. But that’s why one of these teams is lower mid table, and the other is right in the play-off hunt. Maybe there’ll be time to visit Atherton yet, this season.

The Damage:
£3 ent
£4 can of Cruzcampo
£2 tea
= £9

Ashton Town P-P MSB Woolton, Tuesday 24th March 2026

Ashton Town P-P MSB Woolton, North West Counties League First Division North, The Bartons Group Stadium

Having given Kev the options of Darwen or Bacup Borough tonite, I realise mid-afternoon that I’ve got the wrong day – those are tomorrow. I look up the fixtures again and narrow it down to Ashton Town, Euxton Villa or Prestwich Heys. The latter is closest to Kev, and it’s also where Cousin Chris lives. Maybe he fancies it too? Chris is unavailable, so we decide to leave Prestwich for another time.

We decide on Ashton, partly cos Euxton is an 8pm kick-off. 8pm? Whatthehell’s that about? As we head north on the motorway, the rain is lashing down. ‘It’s not gonna be on’ I say. Kev keeps checking Twitter. So far, so good. We make it to the lane leading to the ground, but I’m not keen. Especially not now we’ve seen a ‘parking full’ sign. We park up across the road and head down to the ground.

As we edge closer, I notice the floodlights aren’t even on. There’s only about half an hour to kick-off. ‘This match is off’ I say. Besides, the main gates are wide open. Kev checks Twitter for the umpteenth time. ‘Match off. They sent a message 4 minutes ago.’ So, roughly as we were parking. Still, the social club is doing good business, as both teams are in there enjoying a not very well earned drink. It is also the second time this season I have attempted to see MSB Woolton, and the second time it has been postponed (the other being Thornton Cleveleys). They are proving to be my nemesis.

Still, Euxton Villa kicks off at 8. Shall we? (We shall.)

BFC 0-1 Doncaster Rovers, Saturday 21st March 2026

’Do they have sarcasm in heaven?’

Is there ANYONE we can’t lose to? After relegation certs Rovrum and Port Vale humiliate us on our own patch, it is now former relegation certs Doncaster Rovers’ turn. Only we could lose a goalless draw. They were rubbish. We were rubbish. The game was rubbish.

Still, the day was enlivened by a quite remarkable interview post-match on Radio Sheffield, where Coach Conor told us we had no chance of a top 6 place, never had a chance of a top 6 place, and neither would we next season. Honesty? Negativity? Stupidity? Or all 3? Honesty, well yes, it’s difficult to get into the top 3 without a centre forward under 82 and no defence. Negativity? It’s one thing to be saying we’re not coming close this season, but next season too? And stupidity? Season ticket renewal begging letters will be out soon, and a strapline of ‘we’ve got no chance’ is a bemusing way to convince us to part with £400. It was a manifesto for being pessimistic. I can get onboard with that! But if your own manager can’t be a cheerleader for the team’s prospects, who can? Granted, I couldn’t stand the bullsh*t that came out of Little Lee’s big mouth, but you have to talk up your chances, don’t you?

Also, whatever we think of the current crop of players, it is the head coach’s job to get a tune out of them. Is Conor accepting how limited he is? This week we learnt that the Super Reds spend £11.5m (that’s MILLION) on wages in 24-25. I’d have thought that’s enough to put a challenge in this season, even if we’ve managed to offload Benson For Beds (The Glassman) and Watters off our wage bill. (The latter, I’m pretty sure IS on our wage bill, there’s no way Dundee United are paying him £6k/week.) I’d like to think that paying out 10 million+ in wages (I know, I know, it includes non-playing staff too, but surely you’re paying your players the most) would be enough to form a football team capable of beating one of Port Vale, Rovrum or Donny.

Master tactician Coach Conor had a new one on Satdy: he’d outfox Donny by playing our star winger as a centre forward. As A. Jones of Sidcup said, it was like when Davey played JCR centre mid. It didn’t take anyone in the stands longer than a quarter of an hour to see that Cleary clearly had no idea what he was doing. It took Conor 45. The answer? Hauling Banks, putting on The GOAT and reverting to the usual 4-2-3-1 with the Undynamic Dup holding fort on the halfway line. While I think about it Luca Connell has TWO deliveries: underhit and overhit. Is there NOBODY at Oakwell who can kick a deadball better than this shyster. If I see one more gently dinked outswinger from a Connell corner, I think I’ll explode. Or chunter on about what a waste of space he is. (He also had one of our…2?...shots in the 1st half, a typically weak effort dragged wide.)

That said, after nothing of substance happened in the opening half, we regained our mojo for 10 or 15 minutes. Kelly was driving forward, taking players on. Yoganathan was winning it, losing it, winning it...and losing it again (but had at least gained some territory) while McG flitted about in his inimitable way. Then we switch off. A ball comes in from their right, and Corey O’Keeffe ends up the wrong side of the forward before ‘a silly tug’ (The Yorkshire Post). I couldn’t really see, but the Donny fans certainly felt it was a pen. On looking at it on telly, I’m surprised O’Keeffe didn’t get a red card too, preventing a tap-in. Another week, another failure to keep a clean sheet.

Worse, former useless Red Elliott Lee pokes a low one just to the keeper’s left. Sadly, the keeper goers right. Story of Crapman’s season. Still, the award was a slight surprise. The ref had been letting plenty of challenges go, which pleased everybody. Then he gave Donny 3 cheap free kicks in 5 minutes for their equivalent of the ‘Shepherd Flop.’ As for the winning ticket for our own ‘Shepherd Flop’, we’ll never know. Donny scoring broke the scoreboard. I’d say Jack’s latest effort was around 83 (minutes in, not marks out of 100).

A goal down, at home to local rivals, we piled forward for the last 20 and had them pinned in their box, keeper making save after save. Or b) our only effort was a smart move in the last minute that led to Kelly stabbing it goalwards and the keeper turning it around the post superbly. (Not sure it was going in, mind.)

The season is officially over. Anyone who thought we’d ever challenge for a play-off place is an idiot. Conor says so.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Kelly. I don’t know how this lad keeps up his morale, constantly driving forward while all around stand and watch.
** O’Connell. There must be some reason they’re not getting near our goal. (‘Cos they were crap?’)
* Lennon. Had a positive 20 mins after coming on for Cleary, wide left.

Official MOTM: Kelly

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Kelly 2. O’Connell 3= Lennon / McGoldrick

Despatches:
I tried resisting temptation to be positive pre-match, but the sun shone down, and I’d not seen queues like this at Oakwell for a while. Suspiciously long queues. ‘Searching people for tennis balls’ was the theory. Why else would there be lines of folk snaking from each turnstile? I’m presuming it had nothing to do with the box office being shut. Maybe BFC are just like the rest of us – beholden to when a tradesman can actually be bothered to make it. There must be some reason they’re not doing this work in the summer. Oh, and writing ‘POLITE NOTICE’ on a notice DOES NOT MAKE IT SO. So we now have a portacabin for a ticket office till some Polish bloke pops round to sort it out. (Actually, if he was Polish, the job would already be done.)

The players? I love the idea that we were hit hard by Bradshaw’s late withdrawal. Guess what? Donny were without their star player, Luke Molyneux, and their star former Blunt pensioner centre forward Billy. Maybe Rovrum can bring in Keith Edwards and all these crap League 1 South Yorkshire sides can have one. Let’s not also forget that Donny’s defence was marshalled by Matty Pearson, considered not good enough at Oakwell seemingly 20 years ago. (He was a crap left back, but played alright centre half.) I never noticed Elliott Lee, either with us or against.

Goodman had nothing to do in goal, but did it very well. Shepherd was back for MdG at centre half, another outlandish decision from Coach Conor. Sadly, he only miscontrolled it and nearly fell over once, nearly putting them clean through. I know MdG isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but at least he can control a ball, and run forward with it. Watson was this week’s ‘right footer at left back’ (while we had 2 left footed left backs on the bench). The highlight, possibly of the match, if not his own performance, was when Tennai messed up a throw-in and hoofed the ball 60 yards upfield in a hissy fit. He scored as well. Yellow card, hilarious. O’Keeffe...well, he settled the game, so well done him.

Connell, I’ve nothing new to expand on. Bit like his game, really. Bland did ok coming on, even making a run forward (just the one). Banks was unlucky to be dragged, possibly putting his hand up at half-time when Conor asked ‘who wants to be pulled off?’ McGoldrick had a nightmare opening 20, giving the ball away 4 or 5 times, while Cleary continues to show he needs a fortnite off.

Drink du jour: Verdant Lightbulb at Spiral.

Away: 2,824 (13,026). ‘Your support is f***ing sh*t’ the away end sang…not realising that at the time (1st half), it was our best atmosphere in months. We soon put an end to it though, and by the end were chanting against the board (of course).

The Damage:
£7 petrol
= £7