Burton Albion 1-1 BFC, Friday 3rd April 2026

‘Where DO wookies s***?’

I think Burton Albion are metamorphorsising into Luton Town, the number of ex-Reds in their line up. Brad Collins in goal, Jasper Moon shoring up the defence, Kyran Lofthouse on the wing and Toby Sibbick benchwarming. On the latter, the manager said he’d been playing well lately, out of position at left back, but (get this!) he wanted a left footer there against the Super Reds. As for Lofthouse, he achieved his 10th assist of the season, while Brad Collins does what Brad Collins does: timewaste. His options are limited, what with the change in rules regarding the 6 second rule, but his (not so) subtle timewasting at goalkicks was bringing out the PTSD in me. Moon, I never noticed, probably cos we barely attacked.

I’d made a lateish decision to travel to Burton, based purely on convincing Sarah that it might be the done thing to occasionally visit her parents in nearby Lichfield (we only stayed one night). Besides, I like going to Burton. Laidback, loads of great places to drink, steady walk to the ground. Easy parking too, if you’re sent around a one-way system and somehow end up outside one of the two pubs one had earmarked (Cooper’s Tavern). Love this place. Ye olde worlde, with beer served from the barrel. Plus a pork pie. Pre-match was complete with pub chat about the latest American space exploration. As you do.

I also bumped into a couple of Reds’ fans too. ‘Optimistic?’ I asked. ‘Optimistic? I’m not even interested. I’m only here for the beer.’ These lads later beat me to the ground, even though they were ordering a pint as I left. Did a Lord Selwood and ordered a taxi. I bet they wished they’d stayed in the pub.

I got there in time for kick-off (brisk pace!) and it started well. Flavell in goal was serenaded by the faithful ‘he’s one of our own’. A change is as good as a rest. Perhaps Canada can call up Crapman more often? MdG (or ‘De Vagina’ as I heard him referred to) and O’Connell had the job of protecting Flavell, and this lasted all of 7 minutes, till O’Connell got injured. On comes the GOAT at right back, the right footed right back (Watson) going to left back and the (alleged) centre half moving from left back to centre half. We’re so fluid!

The opening 45, we barely got out of our half, yet arguably created the best 2 opportunities, both squandered by T. Bradshaw. If he’s not scoring, he’s not contributing in my book. The first, he’s unlucky, as he diverts a shot and it hits the keeper. The second, from a lovely cross by McG, he can pick his spot. He did – a yard wide. He really needs to retire, or play a further rung or 2 down (he might get his chance, if he stays!).

Still, at least we weren’t losing. Flavell fumbled a shot across goal and also dropped it, being cleaned out by 2 Reds defenders. Do we do ‘practice’? Thankfully there was no-one to tap home on either occasion. I start mulling on the possibility of our first clean sheet in forever being when we put this season’s 3rd choice in t’nets. If so, would Coach Conor retain his place? I needn’t have worried. I also note MdG getting a few points from the tellybob viewers, but all I remember about his performance was making 3 mistakes in the opening 10 minutes.

On the hour, a neat give-and-go leaves Lofthouse the simple option of squaring it for an open goal. Too easy. It’s down their right, but on seeing it on telly, the only person in a position to do owt (Yoganothing...sorry, Yoganathan) trips over his own feet. Ah well. This is the cue for the away end to turn toxic. ‘Sacked in the morning, you’re getting sacked in the morning.’ He wasn’t. But the worm has turned. This lot were the ones singing summat about Conor returning us to glory earlier in the season.

Then, I dunno what happened. Someone had the idea to stop it with the negative chanting and for the rest of the match it was all ‘we’ve got Super Daniel Stendal...Mads at the back, Cauley in attack’ etc Si senor, give the ball to Woodrow he will score. Always believe in...Devante Cole. COLE! Even an appearance by Bambo Diaby and his large appendage. (I mean a chant, obviously, not the actual physical specimen.) That the chants were all based on players in the last 10 years somewhat showed the age of those contributing. Where’s ‘can you hear the Ponty roaring, Ronnie Glavin’s always scoring’? I guess ‘can you hear the Bapp for Bolts Pontefract Road End roaring, David McGoldrick’s always scoring’ doesn’t scan so well. Still, good to hear Jalo is still ‘better than Christiano’. Last time I looked, he couldn’t get a game on loan at Oldham.

Coach Conor rang the changes, sending on the ineffective Cleary for the ineffective Banks, Phillips for Kelly (ditto) and then, on 74, the GAME CHANGER. Roberts and Farrell on for MdG and Watson. All out attack! Well, certainly fewer defenders and more forwards. And as injury time loomed, Connell curled a beautiful free kick (credit where credit is due) over the defence for Roberts to head across goal and McG finish from about 3 yards. Burton have been robbed. We celebrate not losing.

Onwards and upwards!

*** No-one. Like the Super Reds, I am struggling.
** No-one. Ran No-one very close for 1st.
* Roberts. Saved us a point from the bench.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Shepherd 2. MdG 3= McGoldrick / No-one

Despatches:
I read a stat on the BBC website, pre-match. In 10 Good Friday games, Burton have won only once – against the Super Reds a couple of years ago. Part of me would’ve been ecstatic if we’d extended that to 2 teams in 11 games – both of them Barnsley.

I walked back to the station, to pick up Sarah. A helpful attendant (AKA crowd control) was obviously worried about me lurking. ‘Where would you like to go?’ I thought. ‘Australia, maybe New Zealand.’ She looked at me like I’d said something about her mum.

Drink du jour: Joules Krush Smash pale ale (very average) and Jaipur at Cooper’s Tavern.

Away: c. 1,200 (4,203)

The Damage:
£19 ent
c.£30 petrol
= £49