'I can't believe we're winning...and we're
not.’
Yes, reality is dawning. I saw Reading come to Oakwell and deservedly take the points despite being down to 10 men for the most part. I saw Brighton take us to bits at the American Express Community Stadium…and I thought they looked a decent team. I’ve now seen Fulham DESTROY us, 1st win since before I was born (1970; last time they won, not when I was born, cheeky f***s.). 1st Fulham goals since the infamous 4-3 win in the early 80s when we were 3 down. The constant in these 3 defeats? Barnsley FC. In particular, the defence. Or ‘de-fense’ as Slacki described some nuance of American football in the pub late doors.
Things have changed at that there Barnsley. I know, I know. We’re no longer queueing up to eke out a draw at home to Scunthorpe, we’re now with the big boys (Fulham?). And, I’m sorry to say, as much as I love our style of football, hitting teams on the break at pace (we taught Leicester City everything they know) we’re now being found out. Fulham had done their homework. Despite no wins in 6, instead of sitting back, men behind the ball, grateful for a nil-nil, they did the high press. And without a ball playing centre half (Mawson: sold to Swansea) or overlapping wing-back (Aidy White, injured) we are nothing. Our back 4 today (Yiadom, McDonald, Roberts, Kpekawa) took more touches to control a ball than (Super) Sammy Winnall had contact with the sphere the entire game. Not that Sam was s*** either.
So, we failed to concede despite Fulham being able to cross as many balls in as they liked. Why does Kpekawa stand 6 yards off his man? My dad asked who our new assistant coach was, after the Tommy Wright business. I said I can’t remember his name, but I think he used to play left back for Ipswich (Jamie Clapham? I can’t be ar5ed to check.) Daddy M said he needs to give this bloke some tips then. Sadly, I remind him that our actual manager was one of the worst left backs we’ve ever had. And I think that’s half the problem. Given his own deficiencies, he wants an athletic big-ar5ed sh*thouse who LOOKS the part. Instead, we have someone who’d be better off preening himself in front of a mirror admiring his taught body while wondering why he’s not quite as athletic as he looks. Nevermind the inability to defend, control a ball, head a ball….anyway, I can’t give the full list. Reedy named half a dozen of his inadequacies on a platform at Donny rail station afterwards, before Slacki added 2 or 3 more. Can I just repeat: FOUR HUNDRED AND FIFTY GRAND (allegedly), while we GAVE AWAY George Williams in the summer for the sake of a few quid.
Am I ranting? I hope so. It also doesn’t help that Hamill hasn’t had a decent game this season, while Kent hasn’t the pace to outside a man, so keeps cutting inside only to lose it. If he were a schoolchild, he’d definitely come under the tag ‘slow learner’. As Hamill’s chief apologist, I can only say it’s difficult to run without legs, as one cheeky clip in the 2nd half showed. But still, he’s well below par. Also, am I imagining this, or did I really see a team sheet in the club shop which said Hamill and Winnall were benched today? It certainly explains some random coming up to me pre-match and saying ‘well, you must be happy’ (meaning Winnall).
Oh yes, Fulham then lost the ball cheaply in their own half and Morsy (Twitter MOTM!) slipped a simple pass through to Sam Winnall (m’lord) to crash one in off the far post. Great finish. Always liked him. F*** me, WE ARE WINNING! I’m chatting to the boke next to me (not my dad, the other one, the one who likes to wear perfume…sorry, AFTERSHAVE…to a game of football)…’I can’t believe we’re winning this game….and we’re not’. Fulham run through us straight from the kick off, a cheeky flick, good movement, a sidestep and cool finish. If it was against anyone other than us, I’d be raving about it. Instead, I toss a coin between irked and resigned. Resigned wins.
Half time with the Londontykes East Stand (lower) diaspora, nobody disputes Fulham’s right to be not losing. We’re lucky to be going in at 2-2 and hopefully Hecky can change things. He doesn’t. 32 seconds in and it’s 2-3. Slacki hasn’t even finished his p*** yet. (He’s only had 20 minutes.) Their left back pushes up and his cross is so bad it flies into the net. I wonder where our right back is: he’s standing on the apex of the 6 yard box. I’m presuming it’s Kent who’s foregone his defensive duties. Either way, it’s certainly Kent who’s in the same place to allow another Cottager to cut inside to whip in a pinpoint cross to centre forward Chris Martin to head home confidently. The same Chris Martin who the Fulham fan on the train was berating for not scoring in 20 matches and never looking likely. He looked phenomenal to me. Sorry, I mean we made him look phenomenal to me. Physical, niggly, a proper wind-up merchant….brilliant. I’d take him tomorrow.
Within a couple of minutes, all hope was extinguished as Joshua Scowen got clipped, scampered after it and dived into a tackle with Parker where he may have won the ball, but it was no surprise to see him depart under the ref’s orders; you simply can’t dive through the air into tackles like that these days. I enjoy a few seconds of screaming at the ref for not giving the original foul, before it turns out he had. Seems neither me nor Josh heard the whistle. But as someone else said, perhaps he should have gone through Parker sooner, cos the latter really did run the show. Note to Hecky: you need to react to what’s happening on the pitch. Even if it’s getting a pedestrian Sam Morsy to stand next to Parker so he can’t just do what he likes. If anyone’s expendable, it’s him.
And so, for the best part of half an hour, Fulham took pity on us, playing it around themselves (‘Please Mr Fulham, can we have our ball back’) without ever properly trying to score any more. I’m presuming that’s why they kept kicking it over the bar from promising positions. Then, as half the home crowd left (to be fair, most stayed till 85+mins) injury time came and we had our best 3 minutes of the second half. Bree was sent on at right back, Yiadom pushed into midfield, and both looked a vast improvement on what we had. We even had a cross (Bree) and shot saved (Yiadom). God knows what we’ll do against the Mags on Tuesday if we’re without both Scowen and Hourihane, but I’d take the risk of Yiadom in midfield again. Just please, please, let’s not have the opposition waltz around Morsy for 90 minutes. I might not be there, but I’ll still feel the embarrassment.
*** Watkins. A bit of muscle up front AND scored. Completely deprived of any service 2nd half, he disappeared.
** Winnall. A bit of running around up front AND scored. Completely deprived of any service 2nd half, he disappeared. Is now 3/10 of the way to costing me 50 squid. A bad day all round.
* Bree. Defended and attacked, which is 2 more things than anyone else in our back 4 did.
Londontykes MOTM:
*** Watkins
** Winnall
* Kent
Those were just SOME of the occasions we got away with it. Somehow we were one up when Marley Watkins (up front! Imagine!) ‘beat the offside trap’ early doors to bury it into the far corner. I’ll be honest, I was right in line with it, and I still think he was offside, though TV pics are inconclusive. Fine, I’ll take that. It was against the run of play, but we’ll come good. I don’t think we left our half for the next 20 minutes. Fulham were so dominant it was untrue. Nice (quick) little triangles, while we stood around like the traffic cones we are. Did I say we had a new player? Morsy was in for Hourihane, mysteriously sidelined today. My god. Is he ‘strapping’, ‘big-boned’ or just a fat lad? I do know that every time Fulham played a one-two he was lost (in music?). Needless to say he was the Twatter MOTM. Who votes for these things? On so many levels, he reminds me of one Jacob Ba5tard F***ing Mellis. Without the talent. Can someone remind me where Wigan are in the league?
Despatches:
Bradshaw came on and again showed good touches. I like how he brings others into the game. What with his goals last year for Walsall, he’s like a cross between Marley and Sam (the positive bits). Kent looked great for 10 minutes, then got tackled everytime thereafter. Hamill didn’t even have the 10 minutes. Blatantly needs to be benched (but not if it means playing Marley at wide midfield!) Davies possibly conceded more than he saved (given Fulham’s profligacy; they shoulda had 7 or 8) and did himself no favours with the 3rd. Scowen and Morsy looked overrun, so I was surprised when one of my near neighbours announced Scowen had been our best player. Morsy somehow set up our 2 goals despite being dogdirt. I guess we’ll score 10 when he hits form (and concede 11).
You know, I’d really missed BFC after the last 2 weeks off. I should have known better. Norris gave me my 3 Brentford tickets in the pub.
Perfect timing, since I was getting about 10 pints in, so I hastily put
them in my back pocket. Fast forward an hour and a woman comes up to me as I'm
leaving the chippy...'I think you've dropped these, love'. Christ, nearly
lost 70 quid's worth of tickets. Marius WOULD have been pleased next
week....over from Norway and unable to get in! Also, I think someone needs to have a word with
the programme editor at Oakwell. I'm not sure the prize of a 'singed
ball' would be enough to tempt me to enter the fan v player quiz.
Drink du jour: JD and coke. And we didn’t even finish that cos we were chatting to some horsey types who were off to see their 40 year old ‘unique’ looking daughter getting married to an embryo. He really was THAT young. Sti, it was a window into another world as Chris achatted to them about the ‘Breeder’s Cup’ which is held in…..come on kids…..Los Angeles. Who knew? (Chris is off there next week, sans wife, on their 45th wedding anniversary. Surely this eclipses that pr*ck who told his girlfriend to get her passport ready cos he’s taking her abroad on Valentine’s weekend….to Wrexham v Barnsley?) Oh, and 3 pints of Litovel in Kings X as well as Vedett pre-match. Good on the Old #7, getting in a wheat beer on tap.
Away: 700 and odd. A good effort from the notoriously fickle Fulham folk.
The Damage:
30 train3 prog45 3rd strip shirt (it’s fab!)
The Tunes:
Mixmag Sept 15: (What Hannah Wants)
Shangri-La (Jake Bugg)
 |
| I always think a queue at the box office is a GOOD thing. |
Yes, reality is dawning. I saw Reading come to Oakwell and deservedly take the points despite being down to 10 men for the most part. I saw Brighton take us to bits at the American Express Community Stadium…and I thought they looked a decent team. I’ve now seen Fulham DESTROY us, 1st win since before I was born (1970; last time they won, not when I was born, cheeky f***s.). 1st Fulham goals since the infamous 4-3 win in the early 80s when we were 3 down. The constant in these 3 defeats? Barnsley FC. In particular, the defence. Or ‘de-fense’ as Slacki described some nuance of American football in the pub late doors.
Things have changed at that there Barnsley. I know, I know. We’re no longer queueing up to eke out a draw at home to Scunthorpe, we’re now with the big boys (Fulham?). And, I’m sorry to say, as much as I love our style of football, hitting teams on the break at pace (we taught Leicester City everything they know) we’re now being found out. Fulham had done their homework. Despite no wins in 6, instead of sitting back, men behind the ball, grateful for a nil-nil, they did the high press. And without a ball playing centre half (Mawson: sold to Swansea) or overlapping wing-back (Aidy White, injured) we are nothing. Our back 4 today (Yiadom, McDonald, Roberts, Kpekawa) took more touches to control a ball than (Super) Sammy Winnall had contact with the sphere the entire game. Not that Sam was s*** either.
 |
| The teams come out (tho it's too sunny for a Samsung S5) |
So, we failed to concede despite Fulham being able to cross as many balls in as they liked. Why does Kpekawa stand 6 yards off his man? My dad asked who our new assistant coach was, after the Tommy Wright business. I said I can’t remember his name, but I think he used to play left back for Ipswich (Jamie Clapham? I can’t be ar5ed to check.) Daddy M said he needs to give this bloke some tips then. Sadly, I remind him that our actual manager was one of the worst left backs we’ve ever had. And I think that’s half the problem. Given his own deficiencies, he wants an athletic big-ar5ed sh*thouse who LOOKS the part. Instead, we have someone who’d be better off preening himself in front of a mirror admiring his taught body while wondering why he’s not quite as athletic as he looks. Nevermind the inability to defend, control a ball, head a ball….anyway, I can’t give the full list. Reedy named half a dozen of his inadequacies on a platform at Donny rail station afterwards, before Slacki added 2 or 3 more. Can I just repeat: FOUR HUNDRED AND FIFTY GRAND (allegedly), while we GAVE AWAY George Williams in the summer for the sake of a few quid.
Am I ranting? I hope so. It also doesn’t help that Hamill hasn’t had a decent game this season, while Kent hasn’t the pace to outside a man, so keeps cutting inside only to lose it. If he were a schoolchild, he’d definitely come under the tag ‘slow learner’. As Hamill’s chief apologist, I can only say it’s difficult to run without legs, as one cheeky clip in the 2nd half showed. But still, he’s well below par. Also, am I imagining this, or did I really see a team sheet in the club shop which said Hamill and Winnall were benched today? It certainly explains some random coming up to me pre-match and saying ‘well, you must be happy’ (meaning Winnall).
 |
| The |Ponty. Yup, still too sunny. |
Oh yes, Fulham then lost the ball cheaply in their own half and Morsy (Twitter MOTM!) slipped a simple pass through to Sam Winnall (m’lord) to crash one in off the far post. Great finish. Always liked him. F*** me, WE ARE WINNING! I’m chatting to the boke next to me (not my dad, the other one, the one who likes to wear perfume…sorry, AFTERSHAVE…to a game of football)…’I can’t believe we’re winning this game….and we’re not’. Fulham run through us straight from the kick off, a cheeky flick, good movement, a sidestep and cool finish. If it was against anyone other than us, I’d be raving about it. Instead, I toss a coin between irked and resigned. Resigned wins.
Half time with the Londontykes East Stand (lower) diaspora, nobody disputes Fulham’s right to be not losing. We’re lucky to be going in at 2-2 and hopefully Hecky can change things. He doesn’t. 32 seconds in and it’s 2-3. Slacki hasn’t even finished his p*** yet. (He’s only had 20 minutes.) Their left back pushes up and his cross is so bad it flies into the net. I wonder where our right back is: he’s standing on the apex of the 6 yard box. I’m presuming it’s Kent who’s foregone his defensive duties. Either way, it’s certainly Kent who’s in the same place to allow another Cottager to cut inside to whip in a pinpoint cross to centre forward Chris Martin to head home confidently. The same Chris Martin who the Fulham fan on the train was berating for not scoring in 20 matches and never looking likely. He looked phenomenal to me. Sorry, I mean we made him look phenomenal to me. Physical, niggly, a proper wind-up merchant….brilliant. I’d take him tomorrow.
 |
| The Cottagers |
Within a couple of minutes, all hope was extinguished as Joshua Scowen got clipped, scampered after it and dived into a tackle with Parker where he may have won the ball, but it was no surprise to see him depart under the ref’s orders; you simply can’t dive through the air into tackles like that these days. I enjoy a few seconds of screaming at the ref for not giving the original foul, before it turns out he had. Seems neither me nor Josh heard the whistle. But as someone else said, perhaps he should have gone through Parker sooner, cos the latter really did run the show. Note to Hecky: you need to react to what’s happening on the pitch. Even if it’s getting a pedestrian Sam Morsy to stand next to Parker so he can’t just do what he likes. If anyone’s expendable, it’s him.
And so, for the best part of half an hour, Fulham took pity on us, playing it around themselves (‘Please Mr Fulham, can we have our ball back’) without ever properly trying to score any more. I’m presuming that’s why they kept kicking it over the bar from promising positions. Then, as half the home crowd left (to be fair, most stayed till 85+mins) injury time came and we had our best 3 minutes of the second half. Bree was sent on at right back, Yiadom pushed into midfield, and both looked a vast improvement on what we had. We even had a cross (Bree) and shot saved (Yiadom). God knows what we’ll do against the Mags on Tuesday if we’re without both Scowen and Hourihane, but I’d take the risk of Yiadom in midfield again. Just please, please, let’s not have the opposition waltz around Morsy for 90 minutes. I might not be there, but I’ll still feel the embarrassment.
 |
| Looking towards the away end. |
*** Watkins. A bit of muscle up front AND scored. Completely deprived of any service 2nd half, he disappeared.
** Winnall. A bit of running around up front AND scored. Completely deprived of any service 2nd half, he disappeared. Is now 3/10 of the way to costing me 50 squid. A bad day all round.
* Bree. Defended and attacked, which is 2 more things than anyone else in our back 4 did.
Londontykes MOTM:
*** Watkins
** Winnall
* Kent
The back 4 were simply APPALLING. I’m sorry, I’ve got high hopes for Yiadom, but how many times were they free on their left? Mind, at least I’ve hope for Yiadom. What does £450,000 buy you these days? One Kpekawa, a player not even good enough for Queens Park Rangers. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear Tommy Wright and Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink were in on this one. The bloke can’t defend, can’t control it, and his efforts at overlapping involve jogging 10 yards behind Adam Hamill. In essence, our forwards can’t play with any confidence, cos the back 4 just ooze PANIC. McDonald and Roberts are decent DEFENDERS, but controlling a ball is not their forte and at least 3 times today they found themselves taking on the centre forward when losing the ball would’ve meant the Cottagers (great nickname!) being clean thru. I despair. I go mad on a Thursday nite when some 15 stone 40 year old does this in a game of 5 aside. I thought I was dealing with PROFESSIONALS on a Satdy?
Those were just SOME of the occasions we got away with it. Somehow we were one up when Marley Watkins (up front! Imagine!) ‘beat the offside trap’ early doors to bury it into the far corner. I’ll be honest, I was right in line with it, and I still think he was offside, though TV pics are inconclusive. Fine, I’ll take that. It was against the run of play, but we’ll come good. I don’t think we left our half for the next 20 minutes. Fulham were so dominant it was untrue. Nice (quick) little triangles, while we stood around like the traffic cones we are. Did I say we had a new player? Morsy was in for Hourihane, mysteriously sidelined today. My god. Is he ‘strapping’, ‘big-boned’ or just a fat lad? I do know that every time Fulham played a one-two he was lost (in music?). Needless to say he was the Twatter MOTM. Who votes for these things? On so many levels, he reminds me of one Jacob Ba5tard F***ing Mellis. Without the talent. Can someone remind me where Wigan are in the league?
 |
| Oakwell panorama, pre-match. |
Despatches:
Bradshaw came on and again showed good touches. I like how he brings others into the game. What with his goals last year for Walsall, he’s like a cross between Marley and Sam (the positive bits). Kent looked great for 10 minutes, then got tackled everytime thereafter. Hamill didn’t even have the 10 minutes. Blatantly needs to be benched (but not if it means playing Marley at wide midfield!) Davies possibly conceded more than he saved (given Fulham’s profligacy; they shoulda had 7 or 8) and did himself no favours with the 3rd. Scowen and Morsy looked overrun, so I was surprised when one of my near neighbours announced Scowen had been our best player. Morsy somehow set up our 2 goals despite being dogdirt. I guess we’ll score 10 when he hits form (and concede 11).
Drink du jour: JD and coke. And we didn’t even finish that cos we were chatting to some horsey types who were off to see their 40 year old ‘unique’ looking daughter getting married to an embryo. He really was THAT young. Sti, it was a window into another world as Chris achatted to them about the ‘Breeder’s Cup’ which is held in…..come on kids…..Los Angeles. Who knew? (Chris is off there next week, sans wife, on their 45th wedding anniversary. Surely this eclipses that pr*ck who told his girlfriend to get her passport ready cos he’s taking her abroad on Valentine’s weekend….to Wrexham v Barnsley?) Oh, and 3 pints of Litovel in Kings X as well as Vedett pre-match. Good on the Old #7, getting in a wheat beer on tap.
Away: 700 and odd. A good effort from the notoriously fickle Fulham folk.
The Damage:
30 train3 prog45 3rd strip shirt (it’s fab!)
The Tunes:
Shangri-La (Jake Bugg)
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