I’d made a late decision to go to the game. Late enough for tickets to have gone offsale on the website, despite them being ‘digital only’. How does that work? Rocking up to the game on the nite (luckily, there was space…about 15,000 of them) I am now the proud possessor of an actual match ticket, at no extra cost. (Don’t get me started on the likes of Ticketmaster charging extra pounds for a ‘souvenir ticket.)
Usually on a Tuesday nite, I’ll go and see a non-league game with my mate Kev, a Darlo fan in Ashton-under-Lyne. I gave him a choice: Ashton Town v MSB Woolton (a game that was called off as we got there t’other week), Barnoldswick Town, or my leftfield option, Port Vale v Barnsley (‘£25’). He was remarkably keen to see the Super Reds, possibly in return for me seeing Darlo at the likes of Chorley and Curzon Ashton this season. Would he notice the gulf in class that I see?
I parked up in my usual street (I love Port Vale away) and we went into a micropub that wasn’t all that micro. I was undercover, of course. These are mean streets. Pootling to the ground after a quick pint, one noticed how many hostelries Burslem has. Loads. And even then, the one that’s closed and left to rack and ruin is the pub where Robbie Williams grew up.
We got in a few minutes before kick-off. A (lucky?) black cat scampered among the deserted seats of the corner stand, closed off. Bizarrely, in front, they’ve built a breezeblock enclosure for the groundsman’s tractor (no roof). Between this and a giant scoreboard in front of these seats, it looks like Port Vale have no plans to fill Vale Park imminently.
Team news: de Vagina (ho ho) was out, head injury from Satdy. Coach Conor replaces him with Roberts, who’s overtaken Shepherd in the pecking order by not playing. Captain Marvel is also out, The GOAT replacing him in centre mid. Meanwhile, Cleary is benched again. Either play him, or leave him at home and give him a rest.
It wasn’t a good game. Can you tell? I mused on what the opposite of ‘end to end’ was...when the game is played predominantly in that area inbetween the 2 boxes. ‘Box to box’ Kev said, helpfully. This is to give the game some semblance of action. Basically, each side took turns to get not very near the opposition goal before giving the ball away. The exception was a headed chance for erstwhile sniffer, Tom Bradshaw, who missed what looked like a great chance to head home at the far end. (Note: It WAS a great chance. Headed wide from 4 yards, on his own.)
My other favourite game was to ask Kev who our international is. He thought carefully, so carefully, I thought he’d forgotten the question. ‘I dunno, but the 22 looks alright.’ Patrick Kelly. Star man. Best player (IMHO). International. Thinking about the rest of the team, I don’t think I’ve ever disliked so many of our starting XI. I’ll hold my hands up, I really don’t like 5 of them, while it’s also fair to say I don’t rate 7 of them.
Second half was a little better. Maybe it was just the Super Reds were kicking our way. Kelly held a ball up and Yoganathan took it off his toes to burst into the box before being clipped. PENALTY! I’d put my house on Phillips scoring. I’m now homeless. Phillips puts it to the keeper’s right, but it’s far too close. I then realise the keeper is Joe Gauci, one of our merry-go-round of loan keepers in the few years. Did we get him from Villa? Is he still a Villa player? Or left to find his level?
You’d think this would hand the impetus to Vale, but Coach Conor sends on Luca (for The GOAT) and Cleary for Banks. Banks has had another decent game, but we take control with Cleary on the pitch and we start to get the ball in the box. Bradshaw flicks a header wide (good effort) before, in the last minute, he has a free header from a Yoganathan flick on. He’s 4 yards out, the keeper does a Schmeichal (the star jump keepers do in handball) and the ball hits him. A great chance to win it. It’s a good job we’ve nothing riding on this game.
Onwards and upwards!
*** Kelly. Driving forward, keeping possession, laying it off.
** Cleary. Beat players, crossed balls...more dangerous in 20 than the rest of the team in 70.
* Roberts. Solid in defence.
Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Kelly 2. Yoganathan 3. Cleary
Despatches:
217 away supporters (inc. Kev) is poor by any measure. Indeed, Darlington took more than this to Curzon Ashton the other Tuesday, but there’s a number of factors at play. First and foremost, the fanbase are depressed. The team is off form, there’s nothing to play for, it’s all the owner’s fault for crap signings (we’ll ignore Kelly and Cleary!) and the manager thinks we’re all fools for having a semblance of optimism for this season. I’ll gloss over the appeals (or lack thereof) of Burslem, but why spend good money coming to this when you can stay at home, in the snug, and either watch this on your own dodgy stream, or, more likely, a Champions League quarter final? Then there’s the fixture overload. We have 6 (SIX) away games in April. Also, the yoof weren’t there. Skool nite. For a side going nowhere. I dread to think how many will be at Stevenage, or Northampton, the next couple of Tuesdays. Probably 215.
Corners. I can’t I’m writing this, nevermind having seen it. When we now get a corner, one of the 2 players Coach Conor drags back to defend the halfway line is Vimal Yoganathan. He’s 6 foot 4, FFS. I get that he’s WEAK, but he’s TALL. You’d think if anybody has a chance of getting his head to a ball in a crowded penalty area, it’s the Sri Lankan giraffe. But Conor knows best. (Note: 9 corners, 0 goals).
In fact, looking at the stats, shots on target 1-4, off target 2-10, XG 0.58 v 1.96. This was a game we should have won.
Drink du jour: Vocation Crush Hour hazy pale ale at Johnny’s Micropub.
Away: 217 (4,863)
The Damage:
£25 ent
£1 fanzine
c.£25 petrol
= c.£51
No comments:
Post a Comment