New season, same old. But at least it’s just (I hope!) the Under 23s taking a leaf out of the first team. Defence all over the place, midfield everywhere and nowhere, toothless forward line. All it needed was Marcus Schopp in the dugout and us playing goalkicks inside our box and we’d have had the complete set. Thankfully, the centre halves weren’t taking short goalkicks, but we did spend quite a bit of time passing it around aimlessly between the back 4.
Yep, welcome back everyone! I took a late decision, Tuesday, to go to the game the next day. ‘But tickets have sold out’. What!? Yes, unbeknownst to me, the Super Reds had sold out their allocation of 600 tickets, on the assumption that this was a first team fixture. (Actually, given the youth of our side the last few years, how would anybody know?) The Sulphurites (great nickname!) had missed a trick here, as 544 home fans (543 if you discount me) ‘filled’ the rest of the 5,000 capacity stadium.
I rocked up early to buy a ticket in the home end. I’d tried buying one online before I left home but for some reason I couldn’t….despite the website saying I could ‘buy one online until 7pm.’ Why would I buy online if I can simply buy one at the ground? Answer: I couldn’t. I’m in the ticket office and am told I need to buy it online. I try again, this time on my phone (it was on my laptop earlier). Same result, I’m being hindered by their website. I tell him to have a go…same result. (I want to eradicate ‘user error’ from the possibilities.) Have I bought a ticket here before? ‘Yes. Yes, I have!’ A few of us went last season. No, they’ve no record of me. I have to re-register. Still, nothing. So Ticket Guy goes on his in-house computer and logs my details and sells me a ticket. Whilst there, someone else arrives, wanting 3 tickets. He’s told he’ll have to register each person for a ticket, thereby needing to go through the rigmarole 3 times (presuming it even works for him) ‘because Barnsley have sold out’. What a palaver. Welcome to the new season!
I still have a couple of hours to kick-off, so head towards town for a beer. 10 minutes walk away is a smart Victorian pub, The Empress. It’s a nice day, so a pint of Neck Oil, pls, and a table outside. £5.80. That should assuage my homesickness for London. I guess petrol’s expensive and they have to haul it all the way from Das Kapital. After my solitary pint (driving!) I head back to have the pick of the home terrace. Last time I was here, it was packed. Tonite I’m joined by about 12 of da yoof, who, credit to ‘em, are in good voice. ‘We hate Barnsley’…and Bradford…and Leeds. And I’ve never heard ‘North Yorkshire la la la’ before and I don't especially wish to again.
The teams come out and it seems you’re unlikely to get a game for the Reds unless your name starts with ‘J’. We have Jack, Jordan, Jordan, Jasper, Jason and Joe, with support on the bench from Jamie and another Jack. The main experience comes from Jordan Williams (I trust this is a ‘getting back to fitness’ exercise, rather than a sign of where he is in the pecking order) and Jack Walton. Luke Thomas is there too, ‘but he’s only young’. Nicky Cadden starts too, and apparently plays 32 minutes without me noticing him once. Hondermarck continues from last season, looking the worst right back since that bloke back in our division 3 days who backed off and backed off with his arms out like he was playing basketball. Rhys Brown? Anyway, why is it….we change managers and yet STILL players are played in a position which doesn’t suit them? (A recent example being the last clown agreeing with Schopp that Oduor is somehow a forward.)
Jasper Moon looked even weaker without a Helik or a Mads in support, while Sraha….well, what can I say which doesn’t bring out the usual comments of ‘how can you judge a player so quickly?’ It’s the little things he does….or doesn’t. He stands ball watching as the spherical object clears his head, looks around, sees the forward run past him, then decides he’d better put a trot on. (‘Trot’ being the operative adjective.) I realise ‘he’s only young’ but this is something that shouldn’t even need coaching into him. If he’s in our first team this season, we’re looking at 4th division football next season. (Fingers crossed Harrogate stay up, I wanna come back.)
The Sulphurites (still a great nickname!) come close 2 or 3 times before I spy dinner. It might only be a friendly, but who can resist (jellyless) pork pie and mushy peas, with mint sauce? I know, I know, some of you will think leaving out the jelly is verging on blasphemy, but I never liked that bit anyway. Whatthehell is it? A murmur goes up behind me in the queue and I take a couple of steps back in time to see the ball lifted over Walton in goal for a tap-in. 1-0.
We continue to knock it around the back 4 like Keith Hill never went away (total football!) before punting it forward for Aidy Marsh or Fabio Jalo to lose. Jalo looks vaguely exciting…or is it the hair? Problies the hair. Since Toby Sibbick was shorn of his dreads, I’ve little to gaze at beyond the poor standard of football. Will Jalo ever see the light of a first team shirt? Well, he showed he’s more than capable, as a burst of pace and strength saw off 2 defenders to leave him clean through….and before he reached the box, he’d nearly been caught up and he wellies the ball into the side netting. There was just a smidgen of the Odejayi about that finish, I thought.
Then we equalised, with the last kick of the half. It came out of nothing. Jordan Williams, taking a throw-in on the right, sees Luke Thomas step inside and drag the defender out. Obviously this is a cunning ruse for Thomas to run into space down the right wing, which is where Jordan throws it. Only the ruse is cleverer than that….Thomas is stood still, looking perplexed and gives chase to the defender who’s onto it. He wraps his leg around said defender, wins the ball, advances to the box and crosses low for Marsh, who at the 3rd or 4th bite of the cherry, shoots in from around 8 yards.
We generally control the second half, least in terms of possession, though the Sulphurites (great…etc) look more dangerous on the break. However, it is the Super Reds wot go a goal up. Luke Thomas (him again) runs into the box and his low cross is cleared for our first corner of the game (they’ve had about 5 by this point). His inswinger isn’t dealt with by keeper and centre half and the resultant corner from the other side is headed in by Jasper Moon. Come on you Reds!
It wasn’t to last however, and the homesters deservedly equalise. They’ve already missed a couple of times when clean through before another slick move against statuesque centre halves gives them another chance to roll it past Walton, which they do. All in all, a poor performance against 4th division relegation favourites. Of course, I made the usual pact. If we won, the future’s rosy, Sraha will captain us to the Premiership, etc, and if we didn’t….well, it doesn’t matter, it’s only a friendly, it’s all about fitness, you don’t know if they’ve had an earlier workout that day…blah blah blah. Besides, it’s only the under 23s, innit!?
Onwards and upwards!
*** Luke Thomas. I said we were poor! But give this youngster some credit, not only was he our likeliest attacking threat, he chased back, put challenges in. I’m not saying he’s great, but the effort’s there. On a day when I attended my first Catholic Mass, perhaps we might yet see Luke’s resurrection as a Barnsley player!
Despatches:
I though the programme looked a bit glossy…turned out it covered not one, not two….not even three home friendlies, but FOUR. That must be a record. Washday, Rovrum, Hudds and us. At 600 away fans at each (I presume) that’s a tidy summer’s payday for Harrogate, though I wonder if it was only us got restricted to 600 cos of our…err….reputation. Hicksy did complain the stewards had their sniffer dogs out. For a friendly. Anyway, for those interested, our ‘key men’ are Helik, Styles and…Callum Brittain. I suspect it’s the Harrogate programme wot got the latter sold. Have we REALLY just got £1.5m for a player who can’t hit a barn door with a cow’s ar5e?
Drink du jour: Beavertown Neck Oil.
Away: 600. (601 if I include myself.)
The Damage:
£10 ent
£3 programme
£5.50 pie and peas
£34 petrol
= £52.50
The Tunes:
Wet Leg (Wet Leg)
The Overload (Yard Act)
Heidi: The Jackathon Volume 2 (Mixmag, April 2014)
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