I’ve not seen a game in a month, a mix of no car, the cold….and a warm living room for the ‘Human Rights World Cup’ in Qatar. So, with the DVLA finally giving me permission to get the car back on the road, what does one do but peruse the fixtures? And there it is, a Thursday nite in Glasgow. No World Cup fixtures this evening and a Rangers home game where there’s actually tickets available (albeit singles only). I’m inbetween employ, so why not stay over? I don’t really fancy driving there and back in the day, do I? And a drink would be nice.
It’s just over 3 hours drive from my County Durham base. My plan is to park up near Ibrox, take a few pics, then get on the subway and check-in at the Glasgow Youth Hostel. The plan works a treat, and included the bonus of walking through a snowy and relatively deserted Kelvingrove Park. Beautiful, as is the hostel. How’ve I never set foot in Kelvingrove Park before? An oasis in this dreich place.
I head back to Ibrox via dinner and Leffe in the Wetherspoons on Sauchiehall Street. I make no apologies for my lack of standards. Besides, there didn’t seem much up by the ground, the Louden Bar outside Ibrox station not looking welcoming at all. I’d earlier bought a couple of pin badges. Where else could I get a pin of the stand I’m in!? Turns out I got the wrong stand, so I went back for a swap, being in the Copland Stand, not the Broomloan. I went lower tier, and if I’ve learnt anything about Scottish football this season, it’s the overpriced nature of it. £34. Still, you only do these things once.
After admiring the grandeur of the historically listed main stand facade, I walked round to the Copland. Union Jacks adorned the gates inbetween, in homage to monarchs both recently deceased and appointed (anointed?). This is not something I’m used to in little old England (I’m not a regular at the tennis at Wimbledon), but obviously there’s a few ‘issues’ in this neck of the woods. Souvenir stalls further offered me ‘No surrender’ badges as well as an array of flags celebrating our armed forces and/or monarchy.
Inside the ground is, as you would expect, very smart. 3 two-tier stands, with the corners filled in and giant video screens, handy for showing highlights, pre-match (strangely, they didn’t show their 1-7 Champions League spanking to Liverpoo). A long way from the old Ibrox, massive terraces, oval ends, and an almighty record attendance of 118,000. These days, blank spaces behind the Copland and Broomloan stands show the potential for greater development, especially now Rangers play regularly in front of sell-out crowds. The 4th side is the Bill Struth Main Stand, with its historically listed façade. Inside, a 3rd tier has tastefully been added so as not to intrude upon the original Archibald Leitch features.
Tonite the visitors are Hibernian, 8th or summink in the Scottish Premiership. Whilst ostensibly being neutral, I have an interest in the game. Rangers include former Barnsley loanee Ryan Kent, a winger so fast he could only run in a straight line, while Hibs are managed by ‘Little’ Lee Johnson, the only manager I know to have avoided the sack despite losing 8 games in a row, twice (Barnsley and Bristol City). I have yet to come across a manager who talks such a good game but who delivers so little. The Boris Johnson of football management. (Maybe they’re related?)
Tonite is the dawn of a(nother) new era, as Michael Beale takes over for his first game. A month ago, he was pledging loyalty to QPR having turned down Wolves. But alma mater Rangers come knocking (and, perhaps crucially, QPR have been losing ever since) and he’s off. He was Gerrard’s assistant as Rangers won their 55th title. (55th? Since they’ve gone out of business and forced to re-form, wasn’t this their first? Isn’t it a completely different legal entity?)
He receives quite the welcome too, as the Union Bears have organised a massive tifo. It looks amazing, though by the second half, many fans have liberated the plastic vests they were given. Please tell me they’re biodegradable…(well, I suppose everything is if you wait long enough). Pyros are lit and smoke covers the pitch. Meantime, in England, we do all we can to minimise the atmosphere by banning such things. At least we’ve banned ‘Simply the Best’ from being played on PA systems up and down Albion. Rangers walk out to this and I am instantly transported to Roker Park, circa 1989.
The match is a thriller. Or at least it is for an hour. Early on, Rangers 40 year old keeper MacGregor tips one over and the resultant corner sees an unmarked Porteous head in. With Rangers red favourites, I find myself pulling for the underdog. Go Hibs! Also, there’s lots of moaning around me (this is the EIGHTH minute!) and the 2 little kids in front of me can’t sit down. At least not for any length of time. The lead lasts 7 minutes, as Sakala drills it in from 8 yards. Here we go. However, I have not even sat down from the celebrations when Nisbet goes clear to bang into the roof of the net. There is carnage in the away end, while I find myself alone, laughing my head off. Go Hibs! So much for Rangers’ motto: ‘Ready’. The moaning becomes even more vocal, as Rangers dominate possession, but Hibs look dangerous on the counter.
At half-time I move seats, a propitious move which takes those bloody kids out of my eyeline and provides the chance to chat rubbish with a couple of brothers who see my Barnsley hat and engage. Would I like a swig of the 25 year old Macallan whisky they have decanted into a Co-op water bottle? After initial misgivings (I’m not a big whiskey lover) I relent. It was quite the most beautiful thing I’ve tasted in forever. (A trip into a ‘The World of Whiskey’ – or whatever it’s called – the next day suggests a potential price tag of over two grand a bottle. Well, it WAS purloined from the wedding of the son of a Rangers director, so possible…
I ask about Kent. Every time I catch a bit of highlights, he’s tearing up that Scottish league (shows how bad it is!) but my new friends suggest this not the case. ‘He’s been ‘s*** all season’ came the judgement, though it was acknowledged that tonite was his best this season. There was a little more thought given to my other question: ‘Is it not boring supporting Rangers? Every home game apart from Celtic being attack v defence?’ Of course, no-one admits it’s boring to support your team, but I’ve seen enough games at Arsenal to see a tedious pattern (one that usually results in constant griping if you’re not winning).
Sadly, the second half resorted to type. Hibs retreated, trying to protect their lead, and couldn’t get out of their half. Rangers consequently bagged two by the hour mark and the game was effectively over. Though I was roused from my stupor by a rendition of ‘Rule Britannia’ (WTF?) and, as I contemplated leaving early in an effort to get the subway, the National Anthem broke out. Later on, my new friends explained this happens EVERY home game in the 89th minute. Really? How come I’ve never heard of this? In the curry house afterwards (them and their mates cunningly go and have beers here, rather than a pub…waiter service and no crowds)…eyebrows are raised when I declare myself a republican. What is heard is that I’m a member of the IRA. No, I say, I don’t believe we should have a king or queen. So that rules out supporting Rangers. As for Celtic….well, I’m not a believer either. Still, everyone took it in good humour and I got out alive (via another whiskey) to walk back the 3 miles home. The subway has long since packed in for the night.
The Damage:
£55.50 travel (£52 petrol, £3.50 subway return)
£34 ent
£3.50 programme
£7 pin badges
£23 accommodation (Glasgow Youth Hostel)
= £133
The Tunes:
Astro Tough (Audiobooks)
The Seduction of Ingmar Bergman (Sparks)
Doubt (Jesus Jones)
Surrender (Chemical Brothers)
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