This is why we’re better off in division 3. Cathedral, cobbles and German wheat beer. Where are Washday traipsing this weekend? Sunderland. Ever been to Sunderland? As well as fantasy trips to Hull, Stoke, Middlesbrough...it’s a just a tour of this summer’s far right ‘troubles’ innit? You can chuck in Dirty L**ds too. Whereas we also get Shrewsbury, Exeter, Cambridge...Rotherham. Ok, I’ll stop there.
Plus we win more in division 3. Often while playing quite badly. And so it was today, as we nick 2 goals from the only efforts I remember on target (save for a Cotter shot blocked) while a commanding performance between the sticks from our league debutant (and Chelsea 8th choice) Slonina brought renewed optimism for our chances this season. Sign a striker and we might even finish top half!
As Nozzer said, it was a most pleasant day out. Nice Guy Chris and Mrs Nice Guy met us at the train station and pre-match was spent in last season’s craft ale house, BeerHeadz. Mind, I lost Reedy and Nozzer on the way up, as I appeared to know half the street. There were Reds here, there and everywhere. Problies had to get there early for Lincoln Pride. I must pass on my thanks to Googlemaps too, directing me around the entire circumference of the cathedral to get to Beerheadz. Lovely. (You don’t get this in Sunderland...it doesn’t have a cathedral.) People who know me, will, of course, blame my inability to use technology properly.
Had a lovely walk along the river to the ground, too. Well, we would’ve done, were it not for the police barring any Reds fans from the pleasure. We got to admire the - ahem – characterful local housing instead. I hate being bullied. (It was the same afterwards.) Surely we Barnsley fans have an impeccable reputation, and are not the sort to destroy brand new toilets later on at the ground (rumour had it). To be fair, they could do with new toilets. As folk queued 5 deep for the urinals, fans simply p***ed in the sinks. And that was the Ladies. What was I saying about the appeal of division 3?
We had good seats, so much so we didn’t use them. High up, but not too central, so avoided the idiots (adjacent company excepted). Besides, from where we were, we could keep an eye on Chris, who’d rather sit near the front so he can’t see owt at the far end. (I should talk; even now people are telling me Roberts grabbed our winner, when I know full well it was Cosgrove heading home. Do we have too many blond Adonides? It seems we do; if Connell wasn’t so one-footed, I wouldn’t know the difference between him and Craig in centre-mid either). Anyway, that goal was at the far end. It’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.
Roberts’ goal was also early enough in the second half that many fans missed it. I know that feeling. But far away as it was, I detected a fine cross from B. Cotter. Love you Bazza! That put us two up, Cosgrove scoring after 13 with a beautiful pass into the far corner from just inside the box following immaculate control. Piece of cake this division.
I couldn’t see Lincoln getting back into it. Slonina had saved a one-on-one in the first half and commanded his area like no Reds keeper within immediate memory. However, his kicking was very much of the Adam Davies variety. Yet I’m sure I read he was good with his feet. Maybe he’s a dancer? Anyway, between him and defensive giants Pines and Roberts, nevermind MdG, Earl and Cotter...and big lads up top in Cosgrove and Watters...every time Lincoln got a corner, I told Andy ‘we’re not gonna concede from a set piece THIS SEASON.’ So we conceded from a set piece, as a corner was half cleared and a bloke with the glorious name of House swivelled and half volleyed into the far corner. ‘Who in the Reds team would score THAT?’ ‘Nobody.’ ‘House hits home’ the Lincoln Gazette confusingly headlines. Probably.
From that point on, we sat back and soaked up what barely constituted pressure. A couple of soft headers straight to Slonina, the closest other time we came to conceding was when Roberts chopped the right winger as he crossed it in. It was undoubtedly a foul. The only question was whether it was in the box. The ref had a great view of it…and ignored it completely. Good man. Oh, and a miscommunication between keeper and MdG. But I wasn’t worried. I wasn’t.
Last week: bottom of the table. This week: top of the bottom half.
Onwards and upwards!
*** Slonina. Remember that name. This kid will go far. (So he should, I hear he cost Chelsea 10 mill.) USA! USA!
** . Cotter. Raided the right wing, didn’t let the ball go under his foot for a throw once...and set up what turned out to be the winner.
* Pines. Dominant and composed.
Londontykes’ POTY: 1. Slonina 2. Cosgrove 3= Pines/Cotter
Despatches:
I’m liking this new manager – he tells it like it is. ‘The fans were 10/10, we were 3/10.’ One of the big problems with Neill Collins last season was his continuous inability to call a spade a spade. The football would be terrible and yet we’d ‘played well’ or ‘controlled the game’. Fans aren’t stupid. Sorry, all fans aren’t stupid.
Can I rewind? I know the best chance they had of scoring. Marc Roberts. What a liability he looked with the ball was at his feet. Gave it away almost as much as Phillips, but in much more dangerous areas. I’d rather he DIDN’T have to fling himself about trying (often succeeding) in winning the ball back. Just bl**dy control the ball and pass it simple. Simple. He’s like a s*** Chris Morgan. Obviously lucky not to concede a penalty, he also gave away a cheap corner despite being in control of the ball, being outwitted by an opponent whose IQ is in double figures. Unfortunately, Roberts is of an age where he won’t/can’t learn. Then there’s the fans, chanting ‘we all dream of a team of Marc Roberts’. I spent half the second half picturing what that would look like. It’s not pretty. Thanks for the winner tho.
Phillips was dire. Not as anonymous as last week (good) cos he kept giving the ball away (bad). Not even a wild hoof into the crowd this week, that’s how bad he was. If it’s true we’re after Keilor-Dunn, I’d take the money on Phillips and run. And Earl. What’s the point of him? We’re playing with wingbacks but he’s NOT A WINGBACK. Basically offered nothing going forward down the left. I can only imagine the manager is trying to make us the BIGGEST TEAM IN THE LEAGUE, so we don’t concede from set pieces...blah blah blah. MdG? Never noticed him till a(nother) misunderstanding with the goalkeeper nearly led to his backpass dribbling into an empty net.
Connell and Craig looked tidy, but didn’t do a lot, while Cosgrove and Watters...well, the former scored at least. We need a striker.
Oh, and the highlight of the day? On the train back, watching a drunk, middle aged, bald, Reds fan hammer on the door of the toilet for 10 solid minutes...before the train guard opened the door to tell him it wasn’t the toilet. Reedy is still cackling.
Drink du jour: Flotzinger Weissbier in BerrHeadz, Cloudwater Fuzzy in The Strait and Narrow.
Away: 1,845 (sellout).
The Damage:
£39 train (inc two together card)
£8 petrol
£25 ent
= £72
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