Luton Town 2-1 BFC, Saturday 25th April 2026

‘It’s made of long cod pieces.’

I love Kenilworth Road. The low roof. The acoustics. The entrance through someone’s backyard. And the paying of 26 quid to not be able to see EITHER set of goalposts. Still, good job it’s ‘safe standing’ (as opposed to their previously ‘unsafe seating’, where anyone over 5 foot tall couldn’t get out of their seat cos they were jammed in) as this allowed peeps to move around and crane necks around whichever stanchion was in the way this time. Consequently, over the course of 90 minutes, I think I dropped my shoulder left...or right..then left again, more often than Maradona in his prime. And yet I still couldn’t avoid watching another defeat.

Yes, we’re back to playing well and losing, which is what poor teams do. Who was this week’s defence failing to keep a clean sheet? Was it MdG and O’Connell in the middle? I know when push came to shove, it was some bloke called Mads Andersen winning the header off the corner for them to scramble in the winner. I wish we still had him (though probably not on the wages he’s now on).

And it’s not just the defence, is it? We are all of 15 minutes in before Luca Connell fouls their man for a penalty. The very epitome of 'a rash challenge.’ 1 nil. Was there anything more depressing this week than reading Connell is contracted to us for another season? (Yes! O’Keeffe’s here till 2028!) So is Nwakali (2027, that is). But what’s the odds that a new manager will do exactly what Coaches Collins, Clarke and Conor have done, and pick Connell anyway? He’s barely had a decent game since Duff left. (Can we have him back as well?)

Still, we equalised. Kelly picks it up on the halfway line, drives forward 30 yards and the interception falls to Cleary and although his shot is saved, Phillips heads the rebound into an empty net. Oompah loompahs, peaky blinders and a 6 foot shark behind me go wild. Well, it is what should have been the last game of the season.

And then, during our period of being the better side in the second half, we have the obligatory penalty shout turned down, as Phillips rounds the keeper then crashes to the floor after bumping into their covering defender. Not for me, this one, but if you don’t ask, you don’t get. And you don’t get, even if you do.

Then, before the hour, Coach Conor goes for the jugular, sending on Gent and McGoldrick for Earl and Bradshaw. Then it’s Nwakali for Bland on 70, and Farrell and Banks for Phillips and Cleary. It does the trick – we concede. Still, at least it’s not Devante Cole, given a 26 minute trot out for the Hatters. Apparently, they think he’s useless. (I know he is.)

The match winds down with us camping on the edge of their box but refusing to do owt with it. Same old, same old. Is the season over yet? It can’t come quick enough (again). And with Conor telling us there’s no hope next season, I wish it was this time next year already!

Onwards and upwards!

*** Kelly. Everything good about us going forward stems from Kelly.
** Phillips. Most likely looking goalscorer (apart from the fact he WAS our goalscorer).
* No-one. I have no memory of anybody else impressing me. But then again, I was drinking till 3 in the morning.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Kelly 2. Phillips 3. MdG

Despatches:
Special mention to Nice Guy Chris and Equally Nice Wife Jane, who put me up Friday nite. (Considering my train ticket was 90 quid, this was a welcome respite from losing my fortune.) And cheers to that there Andy Jones, who not only bought my train ticket* (generous of him!) from Kings X to Luton, but came laden with bottles of Leffe. He can come again!

*I think he actually wants paying for this.

Indeed, I continued the Leffe theme at Luton Wetherspoons, the Super Reds reputation preceding them as we were barred from 1st choice, The Bricklayers. This is a real shame, as I’ve not had a fight with a Luton fan in ages. Has anybody? Everyone was in good spirits in Spoons (as the kids call it), whether a Hatter or Tyke. They still had something riding on their season, while we were just glad it’ll soon be over.

On that note, I was wavering on Satdy. Should I go to Northampton on Tuesday nite? I’ve only been once, and we lost. And I know it’s crap (a new build in an out of town retail park) but they’re going down, and I don’t know when we’ll see them again. (‘Season after next...unless they come back up!’) But, you know what? I think Luton was my 37th game of a long season. And this game should have been played on a Satdy, weeks ago, but both teams have too many internationals and called it off. So, if they can’t be bothered playing it on a Satdy, I can’t be bothered coming down for it.

Oh, and we had a guest in the away end, Satdy – Vimal Yoganathan. Good on him. I think Vimal even got a selfie with Jonesy.

Drink du jour: Leffe in Wetherspoons.

Away: 1,179, sellout. (11,781). ‘We’re off to Bromley...you’re going as well!’

The Damage:
£90 train (Wakefield to London rtn)
£10 train (Kings X to Luton rtn)
£26 ent
= £126