FIVE ONE. Five bloody one. And the one only came once the game was gone. We were absolutely destroyed whilst ‘enjoying’ 67% possession. I guess there’s only so many times you can play triangles, or rectangles (there were usually 4 of them) on the halfway line before the opposition get bored and show you how it’s done. They open the scoring when a super 50 yard reverse crossfield ball (eat yer heart out, Herbie Kane!) finds the right winger in space and he lays it across for the centre forward to fire in from 10 yards. Great goal. Direct, at pace, each player in tune with what the other player was going to do. It’s almost as if they practice. Cheats.
What does our 67% come up with? Well, Cadden bundles his way through a couple of times, but his centre forward has gone missing (as he has done since January; still, you can’t blame the club for not selling Cole if no-one offered to buy him), while Phillips drives a cross in from the right, but the centre forward has gone missing...etc. Phillips also hits a 30 yarder from a free kick, but the keeper saves, bottom corner. Still, no keeper gets beaten from there (see later).
It’s 0-1 at half-time but Oakwell is a morgue. We’ve come back from a goal down how many times this season? How many times this past month? But there was something in the air (tonite), a collective resignation. How fortunate that my friend Anna Marie could compare the (lack of) atmosphere with her 2 previous games...Arsenal beating Liverpoo (yes, even The Library has an atmosphere sometimes) and Argentinian no-marks River Plate (!) She doesn’t even like football. (A prerequisite for a Reds fan, some might say.)
Coach Collins sends the same side out. Why not? We’ve dominated possession, and looked vaguely dangerous down the flanks. He gives it 8 minutes. Kane and McAtee are hauled, the latter to the bafflement of the crowd. Do we want to win this? Obviously not. Cosgrove is on, though surely Grant is an improvement on Kane. Within 5 minutes we are losing three nil. A cheeky Imp runs BETWEEN 2 of our players (with the ball, WTF?) before planting it into the corner. The 3rd is worse (or better, if you’re a Lincoln fan). We lose the ball on the halfway line, they break, and an Imp beats one...two...three...four players in red shirts before putting it in the far corner. I hadn’t realised they’d signed Messi. God give me strength. (Difficult. He doesn’t exist. Sorry to be the bearer...etc.)
Coach Collins gives it another 6 minutes, then says ‘f*** it, the game’s gone’ and takes off Cadden (and Cole, apparently he was playing too). O’Keefe and Marsh are on. What? Are we a charity? Marsh’s sole contribution is to get in Cosgrove’s way, preventing the latter scoring a certain header. The changes make a difference though, as Lincoln score another, a 30 yard shot which bounced in front of a diving keeper and in. (Note to Phillips: make it bounce!) Still, there’s no way a keeper gets beat from there. Not a good one. The crowd leaves. Sorry, MORE of the crowd leave. (Not La Famille Jones, I can still them in the Ponty, crying.)
Then IT HAPPENS. We have a real life attack and score a real life actual GOAL. Credit to Cosgrove for completely missing the spherical object for an open goal, thereby allowing the ball to be picked up on the left and crossed back in for Phillips to crash into the top corner from 10 yards. Some fans still won’t forgive him though for his part in the balls-up at 0-1 where we were 2 on 1 and his square pass came off his studs as Cole ran away, allowing the keeper to collect.
Then my own personal highlight. We immediately bring on Russell for Luca (I told you Coach Collins had given up) and within a minute Russell and MdG are being outpaced by another pesky away fellow. All that sitting on the bench must be tiring for the lad, I reckon. 1-5. Nevermind watching them try to play football, I’d pay good money to see Russell and Herbie Kane be part of a 4x100m sprint relay team, Russell as anchor (I said ‘anchor!’)
Five one. Five bloody one.
Onwards and upwards!
*** Phillips. Intelligent crossing, scored and had our only other worthwhile effort.
** Cadden. Twice beat 2 defenders and hit a low cross into the pocket of space without a Reds forward running anywhere near it.
* No-one. The rest were, without exception, appalling.
Official MOTM: Phillips.
Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Phillips 2. Cadden 3. No-one
Despatches:
Where was Pines? No idea. Interesting that Coach Collins played McCart in the middle, rather than MDG, when MDG had been there all season pre-Pines. Did it work? (That’s rhetorical, kids.) So who do we blame for the defensive debacle? Coach Collins for choosing the set up? McCart for coming in and spoiling an unbeaten run (albeit one that couldn’t keep clean sheets)? The Frenchman for having a flashback to his debut? If all the opposition have to do is run at De Gevigny, we can kiss goodbye to promotion now. Earl mucked in with the defensive aberrations too.
However, I’ll also raise you a Jordan Williams. Captain Extraordinaire’s contribution appeared to be in his arms rather than his legs as he waved them about frustratedly at anybody and everybody. He must be taking captaincy lessons from Bruno Fernandes. Listen, Jordan, it’s MY job to tell the players how s*** they are. It’s YOUR job to do something about it. Or just concentrate on your own game, that’d be a start.
Or was it the midfield’s fault, for the lack of cover? Connell, half the player he was last season, but twice the pay packet (and the rest) after signing his new contract last season. I hate to say it, but I wish we’d cashed in on him last summer. Kane? Well, he’s out of contract at season’s end, isn’t he? Isn’t he? He’d better be. We can start counting down his games now. Ditto Devante. It’s only the lack of an alternative keeping him in the team. ‘But he’s the top scorer in the division blah blah blah’. He’s rubbish, and you know it.
Hopefully this is the wake-up call for us to go on a run, but we can’t carry more than one, maybe two players who’re ‘off it’. And between Kane, Connell and Cole, there’s 3 for a start.
Drink du jour: House Party IPA in Spiral City.
Away: 1,965. Nearly two thousand fans had a whale of a time on Satdy, and by full-time, probably outnumbered our ‘magnificent support’.
The Damage:
c.£8 petrol
= c.£8
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