Quality hattrick too. The first, a sweet counter attack, ending with a beautifully weighted low ball from new signing O’Keefe on the right, straight into Cole’s path to sidefoot home without skipping a beat. His 2nd, another low ball from the right, half volleyed high into the net early in the second half, and the cherry on the icing on the cake came as he bamboozled a defender on the halfway line, ran clean through and finished by bobbling it through the keeper….Cadden covering the dribbling ball into the net rather than lashing in to be sure. Wow.
That made it 4-0, 8 minutes into the second half. Unreal. Especially if you’d seen the first half performance. Never have we played so badly and been two nil up. You can take that as hyperbole, but it’s what I gained from 3 conversations at half-time, and a text from Waddington (who’s never knowingly wrong). We were all over the place, as Port Vale bore down once again on our goal, a mix of desperate clearances from us and poor decision-making on behalf of the visitors somehow keeping chances to a minimum. Still, they had a big shout for a pen (a push in the back) at ni nil and our new keeper (I don’t know his name) made a superb diving save from a header...was that at 1-0?
Still, for all Vale were the better team they were 2 down. Unlucky? Or do poor teams lose when playing well? I remember in the Barry Conlon years...we played well in 6 games…and lost all 6. I’ll put my head on the block and say the Valiants will be relegated before we’re promoted. The second goal, after Cole’s opener, came from another delicious low cross from a wingback...this time it’s Cadden, whose ball their left back found impossible to resist, deflecting it in with his chest in panic. Vale’s back was broken. (I know how they feel, my back’s killing me.)
And, yes, amazingly I was back in my seat in time to see Cole’s 2nd after 47 mins and the hattrick 6 minutes later. Then the goal of the game, as a galloping centre half (Kitching) breaks free and is found by a sublime pass from Kane. You know things are going your way when a left footed centre half is hitting a half volley from just inside the box into the roof of the net with his right. Like when Barnard hit THAT goal in the Huddersfield win. Or, to coin a similar effort, when Tony Adams trotted through under Arsene Wenger to lash home in a title decider. Another exquisite cross from Cadden sees Russell bang the ball in with his head. Now I know I’m hallucinating. (Ahhh, the good old days….) Collins takes pity and takes Cole (and others) off, but there’s still time for Cole’s replacement Dallas to head another in injury time. We are in 7th heaven! (No need to guess next week’s Chronicle headline.)
At half-time I even told Reedy I was changing my mind. We’re not finishing 10th. We’re finishing 2nd. Behind Man City.
Onwards and upwards!
*** Goal King Cole. Tis true, anybody could’ve scored the first one, but the 2nd was a quality finish, while his pace (and trickery?) brought the hattrick. Official MOTM.
** Cadden. Superb. Great balls in and what was he doing as the farthest man up the pitch to protect Cole’s 3rd?
* Roberts. The new keeper (I’ve looked up his name.) Great saves, confident in possession and came out and punched when needed. Also the first footballer in history to be booked for timewasting at 6 nil up. (He wasn’t, but it’s the new rules.)
Despatches:
I’ve gotta say I wasn’t optimistic pre-match. Or during. ‘We’ll settle for one-nil, right?’ agreed my compadre.as the Reds struggled to make it out of their half. 4 mins in and Cole is getting an ‘unlucky’ from the bloke behind...for failing to control a simple ball to feet. It’s going to be a long season. But I won’t mention that cos we won. Or the fact we’ve just sold our best striker to a side in the 5th tier. ‘We need a target man’ said bloke later says. Well, what is 6’3” Watters if not a ‘target man’? I’m pleased he touched the ball twice in the last (52nd) minute of the first half, cos it doubled his tally. Did we really bring him back after his loan last season? His biggest contribution was getting booked for arguing with the ref after Kane was cautioned, presumably for a loose elbow in an aerial challenge. I can imagine Watters now, doing his best Crocodile Dundee accent...’Call THAT an elbow? I’LL show you an elbow!’ Oh, and he got in the way of a Cole shot which may have brought the latter's hattrick. Lucky it made no difference. Dallas and Oli Shaw later came on up front and both looked promising, excellent movement, good touches...and of course Dallas scored. I think he’s my new favourite (up front).
Further pessimism was brought on by the absence of star man Connell (ill?) and Phillips (suspended). ‘Have we missed Phillips?’ my friend Diane asked. Yes, I think we did. I don’t think a shot of ours found the stand all day. O’Keefe had a good start at right wing back, averaging an assist every half an hour...cos that’s when he went off injured. What does Cotter make of it all, recently signed and now 3rd choice right wing back? Anyway, an able deputy in an attack-minded side playing feeble opposition. With centre halves injured or too recently signed to play (we shipped in a Frenchman yesterday), Jordan Williams switched to right centre. The Polish lad joined them in a back 3. Not sure what to make of him, though the manager was apparently screaming at him, possibly about his positional missense (is that a word?). With Connell out, Kane played deeper. I don’t think he lost possession. I’m not quite sure what Russell brought. He’s becoming more of an enigma than The Enigma. He’s tidy enough, but even at 7 (seven) nil, I don’t see Connell’s position under threat. Then there’s the forwards. This argument will run and run (like the great man himself)…is Cole a half decent centre forward…or could pretty much anybody score goals in front of probably the best midfield and wingbacks in the division? Well, Dallas came on and averages a goal every 15 minutes...*
*plus 10 mins injury time. The EFL, taking a year to digest events in the 2022 World Cup, have finally decided to take some action against all the bl**dy timewasting I’ve been moaning about for years. 7 (seven) mins 1st half, 10 mins 2nd. Bad news for Londontykes wanting to catch a train, good news for anyone wanting to see a game of football. Quite what former timewasting specialist Bradley Collins will do from now on is anybody’s guess, and Coventry’s problem. Good riddance.
Oh, and talking of new rules…I think it was Styles tempting the ref into our first card for not retreating at a free kick. In the end, we picked up 6 yellows, with 2 for them. So it goes without saying that the worst challenge of the match (Cotter taken out in full flow) went unpunished, save for a free kick and a talking to. Oh well. The ref didn’t give Port Vale a penalty. And we’re top of the league. Top of the league! The season can end now for me.
Drink du jour: Squawk Quelea Pale Ale. Gorgeous. Reminiscent of Northern Monk Faith.
Away: 1,675 (Att: 13,796...though a ‘sold out’ Ponty was short of at least 500. I pity the poor fan - Hi Jonesy! – who’d rather watch the game on iplayer in Corsica than see 7 goals in person)
The Damage:
c.£30 petrol
£4.30 meat and potato pie.
= £34.30
Four pounds thirty. It’s my own fault, too busy gassing and not giving myself enough time to eat pre-match. Four hundred and thirty pence for a meat and tatie Pukka Pie. It will take a long while to cleanse myself of this schoolboy error. But I was hungry.
Oh, and it wouldn’t be me without a moan, or BFC for being BFC...but I didn’t see anybody in a new shirt, so I presume they’re not on sale yet...while programmes had sold out by quarter to 3. So the next time our club owners plead poverty...
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