I am, of course, enraged. 5 million pounds? And the rest. 12 mill it cost in the end. Built to rid us of our risk to safety as we used the level crossing at Jumble Lane. Yes, there were idiots on a matchday sometimes, running across as the barriers came down, but the safety risk was limited to imbeciles surely not long of life anyway. As someone (Hicksy?) pointed out the other week...if National Rail want to close all level crossings based on safety, what are they going to do in a place like Lincoln, where the rail track is essentially one level crossing after another? SAFETY? Instead, we now have a 12 million pounds bridge which brings you to the WRONG F***ING SIDE OF THE ROAD (cos Gala Bingo wouldn’t sell a bit of their plot, as is their right). The wrong side of the road. Which means you now have to cross 2 lanes of road, and/or the slip road from Harborough Hills Road. Suffice to say, I’ve never felt more UNSAFE than dodging traffic after the bridge, than I ever did from a train I’ve been warned is coming. If there’s a council competition to name the multimillion pounds edifice they’ve now blighted the town with, I vote ‘The White Elephant.’
And no, I’m not finished. Coming back after the match, I overhear a couple of conversations. ‘Should this bridge have been built?’ ‘No.’ Terse didn’t do this gentleman justice. ‘It’s like walking on a badly laid carpet.’ I heard another. I know what he meant, if only he’d said ‘a badly laid felt roof.’ The structure itself may well be ‘striking’ (ie, large) but it’s entirely out of keeping with crossing 2 lanes of rail track. 12 million pounds. 12 f***ing million. Thank goodness we are not going through any kind of cost of living crisis. Thank heavens Barnsley is the kind of place that can afford to chuck around this kind of money on vanity (sorry, SAFETY projects). It should almost be a cause of celebration that we no longer have to walk via the railway station (and beyond). Instead, I suspect that as long as I live, I shall walk to Oakwell incredibly f***ing angry that the taxpayer has had to shell out on this overbearing monstrosity.
Thankfully, within 4 mins of kick-off, I was livid again. In the opening minute, they’d launched one, won a flick on, and been clean through down our left. So we learnt our lesson, and it took the opposition 3 whole minutes to go ahead via the same route. Only this time, the attacker picks up the ball, cuts inside 2...3 Reds...and curls a ball to the far post. Great save from Roberts. But it drops nice for their other forward to sidefoot the rebound, via the keeper’s palm. Don’t we have defenders? Possibly not, but we have O’Keefe, who puts another Stevo (as their Australian branch call them) player clean through. He’s so surprised he drags it wide.
Phillips misses an identical chance for the Super Reds, but it problies came too early for all but us Phillipophiles to notice. Still, he was at least 10 yards out, what did you expect? The half descends into (yet another) game of us making a few nice passes in midfield before it goes up top and we lose it. I am as bewildered as anybody when we equalise, a hopeful punt out to the left wing audaciously lobbed in by Luton Loanee McAtee. You can tell he’s not one of ours.
Second half...well...for 10 mins we are pinned in our own territory. They are faster, more physical, more up for it. I wonder what inspires players more...a dour Scot (Collins) or a raging, shouting, overweight bag of spleen (Steve Evans). I was rather hoping the 1st half was our BAD half. But then what? Shall I call it luck? Or managerial genius? Ok, genius is maybe a bit strong. Just a decent call? Collins hauls O’Keefe for the mercurial Cotter, and Cosgrove is on for Phillips. Cosgrove, the Poundland Max Watters. Or is it vice versa? Either way, once he comes on, we dominate. Even Devante gets a kick of the ball. Sorry, Cosgrove putting himself about up top brings Cole into the game, at last. So he gets hauled. (Who did the manager haul last week only once he’d got into the game...was it Styles?) 70 mins are down, and Kane picks up the ball in midfield. They retreat...and retreat...and retreat. Kane, realising he hasn’t got a 6 yard square pass on, identifies his only option is to shoot, and he deftly hits it off a defender so the ball loops over the keeper from 20 yards. Lampardesque. Collins then sends on the ‘finishers’ (and by ‘finishers’ I obvs don’t mean players who can finish, ie, score) and Jalo runs free on the left. Should he do a Dire and shoot (and miss) or square it for Cosgrove to sidefoot into the roof of the net? Of course it’s the latter (this lad has ‘football intelligence’). I shout and swear and do brief impressions of Tim Henman winning a point at Wimbledon, before wondering how comes they’re in our half putting the ball into an empty net. Half of our team is in their half. Don’t they know the rules re: kick-offs? Bizarrely, our goal has been disallowed. There was no initial flag from the linesman (I know, cos it’s the first thing I look for when we score) but it appears the referee was so baffled as to how Jalo was clean through that he’s had to converse with the linesman, and between them, concoct a story as to how to chalk it out. With 6/1 on the 2-1, the ref is as relieved as us as a later Stevenage (free) header somehow goes wide. Have we ever been so poor, yet somehow been in the running for the play-offs?
Onwards and upwards!
*** Kane. Honestly, it could have been anybody and nobody. However, for the winner, and for making a block with his FACE, I’ll go Kane.
** Cosgrove. Controversial, but it all changed when he came on.
* McAtee. Him or Connell. But goals win prizes. Was that Bruce Forsyth?
Official MOTM: De Givigny. Never.
Londontykes’ POTY: 1. McAtee 2. Connell 3. Styles
Despatches:
More class from Kane as, when we ‘score’ the 3rd, while everyone goes to mob scorer Cosgrove, he congratulates Jalo, the architect. (If I was a footballer, I’d like my nickname to be ‘The Architect’. Mind, if I was a serial killer, ditto.) Official MOTM was De Givigny. who was DREADFUL 1st half. In fact, all of our back 3/5 were. I saw a Reds poll on Twitter/X this week on what is our best line up. So fair dues to Collins, who resolutely REFUSES to play Jordan Williams at right wing back, and giving chance after chance to O’Keefe and Cotter, who between them can’t decide who’s worse. I do like Cotter though. Is he consistently inconsistent, or inconsistently consistent? I’ll ask Susie Dent. Meantime, Jordan looks anything but comfortable as the right of a back 3. (Neill: here’s a clue...when he was RWB, he was being linked with a move to the Championship; now he’s being linked with a move to Barnsley reserves.)
Phillips missed his usual chance, but also whipped in a ball you’d expect any forward worth his salt to make a run for. Unfortunately, Cole is worth less than half what’s currently in my (small) salt shaker. Listen, Devante, the reason we don’t pop high balls in is cos you and whoever’s with you will never win them. So we whip them in low and expect you to be almost pro active and run to where the ball MIGHT go. You can stand behind a defender all you like, but see that centre half? He’s a professional footballer. He will completely miss a ball that comes toward him once, maybe twice, a season. You will never score standing there. This is not the Barnsley and District Sunday Morning League (though it often feels like it). However, Cole nearly gets the assist of the season, as the ball cannons off his knee on the halfway line and sends McAtee clear, 2 mins after the latter’s 25 yard lob. Unfortunately, with time on his hands, he possessed the coolness of an Odejayi, the composure of a Rammell, and the closer he got, the more he bricked it, a weak near post effort saved.
Oh, and Cadden came on for the ineffectual Styles. Did the Bury Baggio deliver ONE cross from left wing back? (Let me help you here: no.) I expected a rampaging, pacey wingback and what I got was...a left wing back version of Styles the centre midfielder. Cadden had 10 minutes and looked the best players on the park. So I expect Collins will pick Dodgson at Port Vale on Boxing Day.
Drink du jour: Squawk IPA in Spiral City. (JIM! Are you reading this? So much for driving up 200 miles and expecting us to be in the Old Number 7.)
Away: 352. Within 10 seconds, ‘Barnsley’s a sh*thole.’ And I’ve BEEN to Stevenage. ‘Is this a library, is this is a library?’ I see what you’re saying. There’s no noise in this place. But I’m baffled too. The kid 2 seats from me is wearing ear defenders. EAR DEFENDERS? AT OAKWELL? THE QUIESTEST PLACE IN BARNSLEY (IF NOT PLANET EARTH)?
The Damage:
c.£8 petrol
= c.£8
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