*to be more precise, before Covid hit, there was a cost of living crisis, no-one could afford to go out, and they closed all the other rooms to save on electricity.
The Greyhound has Staropramen...I forget what my mates have. But the sparsely attended karaoke is far too loud. Do we go Dean and Chapter (nee Black Bull), a place I once saw a couple of travellers have a go at an indoor punchball machine before one of them lamped an innocent 6”4’ bloke over a railing outside? Or the White Horse, a place I’ve been to twice and been lucky to finish my (one) beer before leaving? Let’s go Dean and Chapter (named after the local pit the painter Norman Cornish worked at, culture vultures). Back to San Miguel...and MORE karaoke, with an infusion of Play Your Cards Right (no dollies). No idea of the purpose or prize (if there was one) but the bar staff came out to watch. Did I say not much goes on here? We dared ourselves to go to the White Horse. James had a fag outside, while Joe and I stood at the bar and waited...and waited. The barman didn’t move, sat on his stool staring at us menacingly. It was like An American Werewolf in London, without the customers. In fact, his one customer broke the ice by offering us a try of his John Smiths as we pondered what to have (Cruzcampo for me, not Guinness for the other 2, as 'delivery wouldn’t be for a few days.’)
Where was I? Oh, yeah, we played Chorlton, Satdy. Comprehensively outplayed 1st half, we lead one-nil. Outplay them 2nd, lose a cheap goal. One-all, fair result, but I turn to manager Collins who tells me we could have scored more goals and got more points than we did. Yes, Neill, and we could have conceded more and got FEWER points. I’m starting to really enjoy his post match interviews. The words suggest some kind of Boris Johnson style boosterism. The tone suggests Leonard Cohen at his grandma’s funeral (having had his house burn down the day before).
My abiding memory of that first half is how easily the Addicks (as no-one calls them, but I’m sure my 84-85 Rothmans Yearbook said that was their nickname) ran rings around us. All they had to do was give and go. A 1-2 left our men for dead. (Yes, MEN, for while one of our players had the job of blocking the guy with the ball, the other guy’s job was to WATCH the opposition player next to him run on to the return ball. This happened time and time again, and again. De Givigny, Jordan Williams, McCart, O’Keefe...they all did it. Thankfully, Collins had a word at half-time. So I only spotted Phillips standing and staring as his markee (is that what you call someone you’re meant to mark?) disappears into the distance, or ‘free down the left’ as it’s known, following another 1-2. Listen lads, if a 1-2 bamboozles the opposition so easily, why don’t WE try it!? Appalling.
So we go one up. The ball breaks in midfield and Phillips pops a delicious ball into space down our left. Kane is onto it like a flash. Sorry, Kane chases it down, as only a man who looks 40 can. He manages to stop it crossing the line, but as the defender lets it slide out for a goalkick, Herbie has a second bite at the cherry and keeps it in*, before advancing to the box and pulling it back for Phillips to strike into the top corner. The most bizarre goal we’ve scored since the last home game.
*I honestly believe the officials got this right, tho it was pure guesswork as the linesman was on the wrong side. If you remember that goal Japan scored v Germany in the World Cup, the part of the ball touching the ground was past the line...as this was...but part of the ball...did you know balls were spherical?...was definitely ON the line. I know this cos I was 50 yards away.
Anyway, we’ve dodged a bullet. And we come out the second half looking lean, mean, and desperate to look a gift horse in the mouth. For Charlton, 1st half, read us, 2nd. How many promising moves can we mess up? What is the POINT of a cross if there’s no-one to cross TO? Is a cross still a cross if there’s no-one there? O’Keefe delivers the ball of the match to the back post for McAtee to fail to get to it by centimetres. But I’m more concerned with everyone’s darling Cole, who barely moves, and blatantly makes no effort. (Check out the highlights on youtube if you think I’m being harsh.) First half, Phillips delivers that ball only he can do, a first-time effort straight across the ‘corridor of uncertainty’. Why do our forwards (today, Matthew, it’s CAC, Cole and Cosgrove) not expect the ball to go EXACTLY where our creative player is aiming for? Why are they hiding behind defenders or not busting a gut to hit the space where the ball is going to go (if he gets it right)? Why are we not going to make the play-offs this season? Do our forwards have NO faith in where our wingbacks and Phillips will hit a ball? Even so, are they under instruction from our manager? ‘The ball will go out wide and our player will hit it straight back, right across goal, just in front of the 6 yard area. Whatever you do, DON’T make a move. Let their defence panic and be unable to deal with it. Always worked when I was at school.’ I dunno. It’s one of those where I’ve gone past being angry about it (a la Dire being offside). I can but laugh and celebrate it now. Lineker would’ve scored 50 goals this season by now, Super Sammy Winnall, 30. The service is NOT the problem.
Then they score. The danger has passed, we’d won it back, and Jordan (I think) attempts to play it out. It’s probably worked 20 times this match. But the passee (?) has moved at the wrong time, they pick it up, drive through us...and I can only describe the cut inside past the entire defence to whack it in from close range as ‘easy’ and ‘predictable’. And I’ll add ‘deserved’, based on the first half. The game peters out, despite the forward line being replaced by another one. Is it home time yet?
Onwards and upwards!
*** Connell. Like The Beatles, ‘I have to admit it’s (Connell) getting better, a little better all the time.’
** Dodgson. Best game so far, good movement, good crossing, not beaten easily.
* McAtee. The damage this guy could do if he played with better players…his movement is second to none (at Oakwell).
Official MOTM: Connell, I think.
Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Connell 2. Phillips 3. Kane
Despatches:
It was good to see Phillips back. (I mean it.) As well as the aforementioned goal and cross, Phillips Bingo was complete with the shot wide of target that he should have done better with...while completely ignoring an overlapping O’Keefe in acres of space. De Givigny had his worst game since his debut (ok, I didn’t see Horsham at home), while McCart looked dicey. Extra marks for Jordan Williams for shouting at De Givigny. Saved me doing it. I also thought one half of CAC didn’t do badly, first half...but was soon shot down by Reedy, Slacki, et al at half-time. Suffice to say Cosgrove looks more mobile than Watters, and I could swear he DID win some headers, tho I’m told otherwise. Excellent knockdown for Phillips to pass to Kane to Phillips to score. Jalo came on. Did what I fear he’ll do forever, run into trouble and constantly lose the ball to the big boys. Bullies. Cole? He’s into double figures, so we can’t call his performances ‘garbage’ anymore, just ‘quiet’. Anyway, after a silent opening half, he got hauled just as he was getting into the game. Oh, and it was great to see Roberts back in goal. He really is excellent. If we keep hold of him in January, we can still finish top half. (Don’t ever say I’m not one to make bold statements.)
Drink du jour: Jaipur in Spiral City, and...what was it? Flok hazy pale ale? That was very nice.
Away: 644. ‘We’re the Charlton boys making all the noise.’ Yes. Yes, they were. For 30 seconds in the 71st minute. Worst away ‘support’ this season. (Jonesy’s PE dept can stick that in their pipe and smoke it.) Not even a ‘Barnsley’s a s*thole, I wanna go home.’
The Damage:
c.£8 petrol
= c.£8
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