As ever, all of our threat, such as it was, came from the flanks. Jordan, on the overlap, fizzed in a delicious ball which Cadden (Cadden! Where’s our centre forwards?) put wide before they went ahead. MdG shrugs off that snidely, conniving, cheating get Lyle Taylor then fires a backpass into the bottom corner. ‘That’s a goal’ I said before Roberts has chance to react. They’ve only been playing together all season, so it’s nice that the pair of them have a goalscoring relationship, cos no-one else in a red shirt has.
Still, we have the opportunity to equalise when McAtee misses the unmissable. Another gorgeous cross from the left (Earl) has Cole dummying it superbly completely missing his attempt and McAtee ghosting in at the back post for a tap-in. It’s 3 yards out FFS. He hits the post. Cambridge, with their 28% possession (invariably kicking the ball FORWARD) test Roberts out with a cheeky free kick from a wide angle before going 2-0 ahead, a header off a corner. Hold on though, the ref has spotted a non-existent foul. I’d be absolutely livid if I was a Cambridge fan. (What IS their nickname? I used to know them all. The U’s?)
At half-time I chat to Julian and Darrell. ‘Who do you blame, Julian?’ ‘All of ‘em.’ I think that was the general consensus. Darrell hits the nail on the head with Devante. ‘We’ve got the Cole we had 1st time round’, which is to say, he’s bl**dy awful. Can I remind people I’d have taken 250k for him in January? What’s he got since? One goal? I have Cher’s ‘If I could turn back time’ running through my head.
If I could turn back time
If I could find a way
I’d do everything I can
And you’d not stay
‘Let’s hope that was our bad half’ messages somebody. Errrr...I cannot remember us threatening their goal at all, second half. This is a side who’ve lost 6 in 7 (the other a draw) and have come to Oakwell on the back of 6-0 and 4-0 away wallopings. Cole chests it and bobbles one to the keeper. Cole hooks wide from 6 yards out. Cole is inches away from a right wing (O’Keefe?) cross. He always is. I’m starting to think the other players are in on the joke, always playing the ball JUST too far for our centre forward to get on the end of it. Or b) he’s just not very good.
Still, Coach Collins awakens the fans with his subs. He hauls McAtee for being our most likely player to create something, and puts on Cosgrove. There’s muted booing before several chants in McAtee’s name. O’Keefe comes on for McCart. It’s all the latter’s fault, again. Even without Pines we have enough centre halves to play Jordan out wide, but Coach Collins knows best. And it makes a difference, as Cambridge go two up within 5 minutes. A hopeful free kick forward is looped into the far corner of the net from 12 yards via a visitor’s head. The away fans cannot believe what is happening, and their earlier ‘How s*** must you be, we’re winning away’ morphs into ‘Can we play you every week?’ Indeed.
The closest we get is an appeal for a penalty, as...Phillips?...is grappled to the floor just after the ref warns the players to stop grappling as a free kick was about to come in. It’s ok though, he gives a free kick on the halfway for the exact same offence a couple of minutes later. Otherwise, the half’s highlight is Taylor getting injured and subbed, the snidely, conniving, cheating get. He still gets the last laugh though, as he’s allowed to limp off 40 yards to the halfway line, rather than the 10 yards he was from behind the goal. The very goal where the changing rooms are, where he could get some treatment for that nasty, wasty lil’ hurtyness. Superb sh*thousery, and I’d be disappointed if he did anything else.
Then, with 81 minutes on the clock, Coach Collins sends on Cotter and Watters. Cotter and Watters. For Cadden and Phillips. I spend 17 minutes (8 mins injury time) cackling to myself like some Victorian lunatic sent to the madhouse. Max Watters. I’m grinning inanely even as I write the words. It’ll be all-out aerial assault now. (The next ball in is subsequently a knee high cross cleared by the first defender). We didn’t even get Cotter comedically trying to take on defenders, cos we never gave him the ball.
Onwards and upwards!
*** Connell. Least worst of a bad bunch.
** O’Keefe. Did ok when he came on.
* Watters. Only kidding. Earl.
Official MOTM: Connell
Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Connell 2. O’Keefe 3= Earl / No-one
Despatches:
It was good to see the Super Reds taking up the cause of republicanism, though someone else reckoned the ‘Reds against the Royals’ ads on the digital displays referred to some forthcoming football match or other. Disappointing.
Good on the Reds too for losing, and for the defeat to be signposted long enough for many fans to leave before the final whistle. I was parked up next to Grove Street and got out very easy ta very much. Also, I like a trip to Cambridge, so that’s one away game sorted next season (fingers crossed it’s not midweek).
The players? Herbie Kane. Not for the first time I ask ‘what’s he for?’ The most sideways passes this side of Stephen McPhail and Mitch Ward combined. Mind, I can understand why he kicks it square, cos every time he kicks it forward it runs through to the goalkeeper. MdG had a good game tussling with that snidely...etc Lyle Taylor, and had the better of it, if we ignore his absolute howler. Which I won’t. Roberts saved us from going three down in another break. Yes, aside from the two goals, the closest anyone came to scoring was Cambridge (when they did; disallowed) and Cambridge, when they didn’t (Roberts saving a one-one one). There is nothing I can say in favour of anyone else, other than they didn’t fall over while putting one foot in front of the other (though, actually, Cole slipped trying to get...failing...to get on the end of rebound.)
I asked a select few the other week where they would like to see us win promotion…Oakwell, Blackpool (last away game) or Wembley. Well, that horse (donkey?) has left town. Since collapsing in that last half hour against Bolton, we have been hammered at home by Lincoln, lost to Cambridge, and failed to score against Cheltenham, the latter two in deep relegation trouble. Morale is at such a low ebb that I overheard one fan say they hope we DON’T go up, as we’ll get embarrassed in the Championship. Personally, I presume we’ll replace Cole, Kane and all the other ne’er do wells. But I live in hope.
Drink du jour: Siren, followed by Northern Monk Faith, which appeared halfway through in Spiral City. The amber nectar.
Away: 483. Respectable. And presuming they stay up, will all those chanting ‘Barnsley’s a sh*thole, I wanna go home’ take heed of themselves and not bother next season?
The Damage:
c.£8 petrol
= c.£8
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