BFC 4-1 Bolton Wanderers, Saturday 12th April 2025

‘Jalo Jalo Jalo...he’s better than Christiano!’

Some fans may put our victory on Satdy down to hard work and good planning after a month under Hourihane. I prefer to think it was Divine Intervention, as my mate Ken came to Oakwell to tick a ground off* and I sat inbetween a pair of Christians. Outside of school church services, when did THAT last happen? I’d be lucky if I’m on talking terms with half a dozen believers**, so to sit within two and see us DEMOLISH Bolton MUST be proof of Him.

*As a Spurs fan, is it still ‘Reedy rules’ with regards to groundhopping? It only counts if you see The Super Reds?

**Half a dozen who admit to believing; there may be more. Like voting for Boris in the London mayoral elections, everyone denies doing it, yet SOME folk obvs did (and one of them is a former Londontyke!)

Yes, Bolton come to town and are DESTROYED. Reward for the few home fans whose season ticket insisted they attend. Just look at the two ends. Over three thousand in the away end, less than half that in the Ponty. Where is everybody? Still, as the goals go in, there’s a bit of an atmosphere. Quality, rather than quantity.

It’s guess the formation at the start. With no MdG, Coach Conor goes flat back 4. Roberts and McCarthy are partnered in the middle, with Earl returned to left back. O’Keeffe is dropped (at last!) with Bland retaining his right back slot. Connell is picked ahead of Nwakali once again, while Russell, Humphreys, DKD, Phillips and Jalo flit around in attack. Jalo is the main recipient, as the players are under instruction to give it to his feet (imagine!) wide right and let him run at them. We reap the rewards.

It’s one-nil after a quarter of an hour as wing wizard Russell (!) drops a shoulder, cuts inside and strokes the ball into the far corner from the edge of the box. Lovely. 10 minutes later, we enjoy a free kick routine that would have Lineker, Shearer, Danny Murphy et al creaming their undercarriage had it been The Arse or Liverpoo. At the time, we only see the chip to the back post and knock across goal by Earl for Jalo to tap home. Watching it on replay, DKD hesitates taking it, a short pass is played to Phillips, who chips it to the far side for Earl. It is, quite simply, free kick perfection.

That’s not to say it’s easy. The game is quite open and the Trotters spurn a couple of chances, the simplest of which was bang on half time, an easy volley 6 yards out which finds the Ponty. We have a Guardian Angel today. (I don’t know whether that should, shouldn’t, have capitals.) It’s been an even opening half, but our finishing is the difference. I can’t believe I’m writing that.

With Bolton making a 4th substitution at half-time, it’s fair to say they’re a little disjointed. We look comfortable in the second half, no danger, then we POUNCE again. We counter and look to outnumber them, but Jalo pulls it back. Has the chance gone? Not a bit of it. He cuts inside, cuts outside, and rifles it into the top corner with his left from 8 yards. We are cruising. Nothing can stop us...apart from the referee.

The ball breaks on the halfway line and the ref blocks our player from challenging. Said Trotter can now trot forward under no duress and slide a through ball to his Trotter mate. The latter does take it well though, rounding Falafel in goal. There’s still a quarter of an hour left (and the rest). Can we throw it away? Never in doubt. (Honestly, never in doubt.) Phillips takes it wide and whips in an incredible cross for Super Jon Russell to head home from close range at the back post. We are cantering, they are trotting. Incredibly, it’s our 1st home league win against Notlob since the Premiership (2-1; Tinkler and Hristov)

Onwards and upwards!

*** Jalo (Jalo Jalo). Ran riot. Give him the ball to his feet and he’ll do damage.
** Russell. Chipped in with another couple. That’s 8 for the season now.
* Earl. Solid in a back 4 and set up the 1st with a nonchalant knock across goal.

Official MOTM: Jalo (Jalo Jalo)

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Jalo 2. Russell 3. Earl

Despatches:
I’ll start with Xg: 1.37 v 2.57. Eh? I’ll accept that in open play it was fairly even, but given one of our goals was a tap-in, and another was a header into an open net from 2 yards, nevermind other shots, our Xg was 1.37? Not sure about their’s either. It certainly wasn’t through Flavell’s saves that they scored so few: they had ONE on target. (Which means our keeper didn’t make a save. Really?) In contrast, we had NINE shots on target.

With a mate in town, I treated myself to the train. So obviously there was work on the Trans-Pennine line. Still, I made it, leaving my car at Lockwood (Huddersfield station being knocked out.) Even better, my car was still there the next day. And I had the pleasure of the Hudds yoof, making their way to Burton. Everyone agreed they wanted the Reds to win (to keep alive their play-off hopes). As we pulled into Barnsley I invited them to come to our match and it was too much for one young glad, a can of Cruzcampo to the good. ‘I’m not going to that sh*thole again.’ I wish I could have taken this conversation further. Did he mean the town (a much better proposition than Huddersfield) or Oakwell (a tidy modern ground with a historic main stand)? I dunno, but if I see him on the train next season I’ll remind the little pr*ck what he said. (Imagine if Waddington’s kid had blond hair, that’s him.)

Oh, and we finally opened ‘safe-standing’ section in the Ponty (the section closest to the Corner Stand). To no fanfare whatsoever.

Drink du jour: Timothy Taylor’s Hopical Storm in The Courthouse, Beartown Inception IPA in Spiral, some pale ale or other in The Jolly Tap.

Away: 3,265 (13,685). As ever, no way was there 10,000 Reds fans in there, the away end was twice as full as the Ponty. However, 2 early goals shut them up and by the end the Trotters were fighting amongst each other, much to our amusement and the stewards bemusement.

The Damage:
£9.50 train
= £9.50

Curzon Ashton 0-3 Spennymoor Town, Tuesday 8th April 2025

Curzon Ashton 0-3 Spennymoor Town, National League North, Tameside Stadium, att. 328

As the end of the season draws closer, pickings are slimmer. With winter not being as harsh as last year, most sides are on schedule with their fixtures, meaning fewer outstanding midweek games. I was on the verge of traversing the M62 to see Cleethorpes Town (champions-elect of the Northern Premier East, 8th tier) but then I get the message from Darlo Kev: he’s off to see his local side Curzon Ashton take on ‘Pride of County Durham’ (their words, not mine) Spennymoor Town. I’m in.

Kev hates the ‘Pride of County Durham’ tag, so I use it as often as possible on him. It’s annoying when some upstart starts outshining you, as Spenny have done recently with Darlington. Last Satdy they turned over Rochdale away in the FA Trophy semi final and are facing their first Wembley trip in non-league’s most senior cup competition. Was it 3, or even 4 messages of congratulations from Curzon in their programme tonite? If it’s an effort to soften them up, it doesn’t work.

I pick Kev up and drive the 3 miles or so to the Tameside Stadium, via Stalybridge. Ashton-under-Lyne is vast. It is my annual bewilderment how Curzon, based on tiny crowds (tonite: 328), have such a level of stadium and can fund a play-off push in the National League North. Do they pick up a cut of the associated sports facilities? There’s a popular cycle track adjacent to the ground and I admire the peloton, 1st half, as it makes one of its circuits. Mind, the Pennines is JUST THERE. It’s a hell of a lot easier cycling round a flat track.

There’s also been a development at the Tameside since I was last here. A scaffold roof has been put up at the near end, behind the goal. I’m not sure what the necessity is, given there’s cover for 1000 or so on the long side opposite the Main Stand, which in itself seats over 500. Kev eyes the surrounds with more than a touch of jealousy, as Darlo are still forced to share a rugby ground.

It’s a scandalous 17 (seventeen) pounds to get in. 17 quid? I could have gone to Huddersfield v Wycombe at the top end of League 1 tonite for 18. No wonder there’s only 328 here, in itself one of their lowest crowds of the season. I don’t suppose it helps that it’s the Champs League quarter final, Arsenal v Real Madrid. And it’s cold. I thought summer was coming? I get a programme (£3) and marvel again at its glossiness and content. Full marks to the programme editor.

We nip into the portacabin that doubles as the social club. It’s Kev’s round, after he’s taken me for a beer at the fabulous pub at Stalybridge station and he compliments the quality of the Guinness, despite it being from a can. Seems their fancy can opener does the magic. Then we are out onto the not-so-packed terraces. I want to go to the far end, which I’ve never been to, but it seems you can’t do that via the Main Stand, so we have to walk all the way round. We are joined by 4 others for an unremarkable opening half, peloton aside.

Second half, after draining the main veins (what film was that line in? ‘I’m off to drain the main vein.’ Robocop?) Anyway, the Main Stand looks tempting now we’re cold, and it does offer a nice view. We settle in, Kev all-in for Curzon and me kind of hoping Spenny keep up their own play-off push, keep it interesting. Junior Mondial (ex Darlo, useless) cheekily flicks in a low cross. Kev’s mood does not improve, and we find in the cheer that there’s more Spenny in the ground than we’d anticipated, maybe as many as 20. Maybe.

Then Spenny send on Glen Taylor, a centre forward who has played below his level for so many years he now has over 200 Spenny goals to his name. Game over. He scores one, creates continual havoc and Spenny score a 3rd before game’s end. Odds are neither will make the play-offs (Spenny have leaders Scunny away next) but odds are also that I’ll be back next season, to marvel at how Curzon have such a good stadium, how they’re in a play-off race and can produce such a glossy programme, all on tiny crowds. ‘It’s like de ja vous all over again’ as Shaka Hislop once said.

The Damage:
£17 ent
£3 prog
£11 2 pints of Guinness and Staropramen (I think)
= £31

Birmingham City 6-2 BFC, Saturday 5th April 2025

‘We can’t change the events of Jesus, can we?'

I know, I know. We’ve just been battered for 6 and yet the 1st half was our best performance in 2 months, as our 10 men not only held on against the league leaders, but actually forced an equaliser after our resistance looked to have been broken just past the half hour mark. Indeed, it looked like having a man sent off was the best thing that could have happened for certain players, as Roberts dominated central defence, Humphreys and DKD foraged and Phillips actually ran about. That we eventually collapsed was probably inevitable. If I could compare it to the play off final heroics, Birmingham City are an outstanding 3rd division football team, better than Washday were 2 seasons ago, while we are a pale shadow of our final team. So, holding them to a draw at the interval was probably the extent of our powers.

That said, it was disappointing to hold out for all of 73 seconds of the second half. Once that went in, it was damage limitation, and we didn’t damage limit very well, conceding a total of 5 that half. So it was a strange atmosphere, with our lot singing throughout and their bunch only waking up in the 89th minute once the 6th went in. It must be boring, winning every week. I took my friend Anna-Marie to the game, and though a Brummie, she’d never had the pleasure of St. Andrews @ Knighthead Park* before, and was highly amused at ‘where’s yer binmen gone, where’s your binmen gone?’ Social comment from the away end. I was disappointed not to see huge piles of discarded binbags, but there was rubbish EVERYWHERE in the streets, as the detritus had blown all over the place. And, yes, it was worse than usual.

*I kid you not. This is the actual name of the ground these days. Did you know that? Probably not, cos Birmingham City are a bit of a Mickey Mouse club whose fans are only too grateful to pick up the Yankee dollar without complaint. Anyway, the owners have plans to knock it down and build them a new 60,000 ground elsewhere. I can’t say I’ll miss this place, despite the 4-0 and 5-0 wins.

We were down to 10 after 3 minutes, MdG continuing his (K)nightmare run. A sending off and 2 gifts of goals in the space of 3 games. However, I found the sending off harsh to say the least. I don’t know how their player goes down under the slightest of tugs, but judging where he’s kicked the ball, Roberts is covering, surely. You just don’t give that decision after 3 minutes of a game. Oh, sorry, you do.

I’ve no qualms about the penalty which put them ahead. Everyone can see it coming. The ball is played through, Flavell goes down...their player nicks in and makes sure he collides with the keeper. He’s no intention of rounding the keeper and slotting, but, hey! We could try it too, but we don’t have forwards pacey enough, or the opposition goalkeepers gullible enough. Flavell dives the right way, but it’s perfectly placed in the corner. That’s what you get for £15 million (Stansfield). Actually...quick bit of maths...if our starting 11 cost around 3 mill, surely this Stansfield bloke should be beating us 5-1 ON HIS OWN. That’s how it works, right?

Within 2 minutes we have equalised. I’m as amazed as anyone, as it comes from a long throw. And without Roberts (taking the throw), Watters (taken off) and MdG (sent off) who is going to win a header, let alone TWO? Adam Phillips wins the flick on and DKD sneaks in at the backpost to head in. 25 thousand Brummies do a passable impression of a guppy as they stare at what’s before them. It’s fair to say I enjoyed that goal. But we’d had efforts; Humphreys had burst clear and instead of carrying on running, elected to fail to chip the keeper, while Phillips had had a powerful effort pushed wide. As well as we’re doing, the ref decided it’s worthy of SEVEN minutes injury time. I don’t know where he gets that from, probably the same place that he’s denied us a single free kick that entire half (if I’m wrong, I missed it). It’s hard enough playing the league leaders, away, without having every single decision go against you, nevermind a sending off. That 1st half performance was incredible.

Second half, yes, it takes sub Alfie May just over a minute to bag. Wasn’t he the top scorer in this division last season? A handy little sub to bring on, eh? Roberts loses the header from a corner and DKD’s desperate effort on the line to chest it away comes to nought. They grab another, a header, as our defence remembers its true ability, before Humphreys pulls one back, another solo run and hit across goal. I’m not altogether sure it was a shot, but I am altogether sure the keeper makes a right pigs ear of it and deflects it into the goal.

However, this only upsets the Brummies. Somebody goes through and strokes it past Flavell. Then somebody else (I’m not interested in details) strides forward and by the time he hits it there’s 4 Reds players around him, all doing exactly nothing. Are we up to 5 yet? That’s Bob’s cue to leave, so he misses their 6th, as Falafel finally makes a save, only for it to rebound straight back to the bloke with the Polish name (another one who cost gazillions). Oh well, I’ve seen 8 goals. And the walk back to the city centre shouldn’t be as dangerous as usual (it wasn’t).

Onwards and upwards!

*** Humphreys. Drove at the opposition, got shots off, scored.
** DKD. As well as scoring, I don’t think he lost the ball all game.
* Roberts. If a player summed up the Reds, it was Roberts. Magnificent 1st half, dreadful 2nd.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Humphreys 2= DKD / Roberts

Despatches:
I enjoyed Loko’s top pre match tip, Purecraft. I had to go indoors though, as I think I might have blown my cover had I listened to some Blues fans much longer on a table outside. ‘Where actually IS Barnsley? It’s gotta be up north...somewhere.’ Takes me back to teaching the SEN class.

With MdG off, Hourihane hauls Watters. I hope he gets 8/90 of a wage packet this week. I bet he was pleased to be sacrificed, given the Alamo to come. On comes Bland, nominative determinism if ever there was. This week’s O’Keeffe howler is a beaut, as he simply lays the ball for a Brummie to be clean through (Flavell saving). Didn’t O’Keeffe do this at a home game earlier this season? I wouldn’t mind, but when you’re self-confessed Blues fan...McCarthy didn’t do bad, though a certain Londontyke was adamant most Blues chances ‘went down McCarthy’s side’. Well, maybe that’s where Birmingham’s best players played? Connell got the nod over Nwakali again, and was...I can’t remember. Never noticed him. Same with Russell. Phillips was rewarded for promising to be a good boy with a recall, and did very well for the most part before being replaced by Jalo, who was bullied out of it by the big lads. Watters did NOTHING (arf arf); pulled after 8 minutes, a record even for him. Lambrusco, Nwakali and Lewis came on for the last 4 minutes and we conceded. Good job they didn’t start.

XG? 3.68 v 0.41. So much for the defensive fortitude 1st half, we underperformed defensively on those stats.

Anyway, thank God we didn’t concede 7. I can handle that away at Man U (twice) and Man C, but Brum C? That’s a step too far, however awful we are these days.

Drink du jour: Longhorn unpasteurised IPA at Purecraft.

Away: c.700. Anna-Marie was very impressed with our vocal support, a far cry from a visit to Oakwell this season. (Her only 2 other football matches were River Plate and Arsenal v Liverpool.)

The Damage:
£30 ent
c.£40 petrol
= c. £70