BFC 2-2 Charlton Athletic, Tuesday 22nd October 2024

‘He’s been known to eat s***. Not tonite though.’

Never leave early. Never. It’s injury time, Charlton have taken the lead due to a(another) catastrophic goalkeeping error from Slonina and the fans are flooding out. The rest are only staying to boo the team off. Fortress Oakwell has been breached once again and it’s doom and gloom. From being one-nil up, in control and missing chances, we are now staring down the barrel of a home defeat. Good old Barnsley. Worse, we’ve used all our subs and can’t even bring Pines on to cause mayhem. Who ya gonna call...Ghostbusters Max Watters! (There is DEFINITELY something strange in the neighbourhood if you’re having to rely on Max Watters.)

Anyway, there’s maybe a minute left of injury time and Slonina hoofs one up, Cosgrove gets the flick on and there’s Max to the max, sweeping it home as defenders run hither and thither. YOU REDS! Great finish, and a welcome antidote to all this tiki taka football that’s all the rage these days. Just get the big men on! Launch it! Cause chaos! Hit the target! Score a goal! I wept a small tear for Big Val. We could have 90 minutes of this, if only we’d contemplate bringing him back (please no).

But how did we get into this mess? Whilst not being great, it was certainly one of our better performances this season. Gent had a scorcher tipped over. Humphreys had an effort saved. Russell cannoned a snapshot off the bar from 10 yards and a couple of minutes later was denied by an unbelievable goalline clearance. Then Charlton brought on Luke ‘does nothing everywhere’ Berry. Can you believe it’s 10 years since he signed for us? The only player I’ve ever known purely for the way he’d flick his hair midgame EVERY time he stopped. And every time he didn’t. (Cos, to be fair, he ran about a lot.)

15 minutes later, Chorlton equalise. Craig appears to be having his own keepy-up tournament on the edge of our box, before the ball falls to Berry to lash in on the volley. How many chances did we have to clear this? I lost count. I’ve seen it again on telly and it’s painful. DKD, Russell, Craig (but mainly Craig)...all p***ing about instead of simply CLEARING THE BALL. Another most excellent substitution of our own from Coach Clarke, who’d brought on Craig for Yoganathan just after Berry came on. Please tell me he sent on Craig to nullify Berry.

Then, in the 3rd minute of 5 minutes injury time, Chorlton deliver a hopeful cross from their right. It’s hanging in the air long enough for Slonina to be tempted. After the debacle the other week (when he didn’t jump and a forward nicked in ahead of him) he simply has to take this. Indeed, he crashes through 2 Reds defenders to make it his…and punches it meekly downward to the edge of the box where Berry returns it first time back over his head. He looks quality this Berry bloke. Sorry, we’re making this Berry bloke look quality. How the hell is it possible to concede a goal from a cross that’s only heading towards your goalkeeper and two centre halves? Indeed, Roberts tries ducking out of the way, presumably having got the call from Slonina. Slow Nina. Christ on a bike, there can’t be another team in the WORLD concedes this goal. I am more than slightly narked.

Still, well done to the Super Reds for picking themselves up and having the temerity to grab that equaliser. A draw was the least we deserved. As well as the most. You simply can’t concede the goals we do. You can’t. Our home record is now an underwhelming one win in 6 games...against Mansfield Town, Bristol Rovers, Northampton Town, Wycombe Wanderers, Charlton Athletic and someone I’ve completely forgotten about. Exactly.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Humphreys. Dazzled up top, wide. Beat as many players in one game as the rest (minus Cotter) have all season.
** Russell. Strode forward like a colossus and unlucky not to bag 2.
* Watters. When the going gets tough...well, anyway, when the away side retreat and panic...who ya gonna call!?

Official MOTM: Humphreys

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Humphreys 2. Russell 3. Gent

Despatches:
Well done to the club for giving ST holders the chance to drag 2 mates to the game for free. Unfortunately, everyone I spoke to knew of no-one they could even GIVE a free ticket to. Well, no-one who wanted to come. Last nite’s made-up crowd figure was 12,441, and it’s true, there were queues pre-match, but rumours were this was for the free teas and coffees. (I hope the away fans were offered same.) The fanzone was open too, and we arrived to see some poor lady belting out that terrible Cranberries song to nobody. Darrell neatly summed up the offer of half price beer at the ground...’s*** beer at half-price will still be s*** beer.’ Still, the club tried. They are the Luke Berry of administrators.

I’d been hoping a slightly busier than usual midweek crowd might make for an atmosphere and it only dawned on me when I heard someone bleating on about it at half-time that I’d not noticed the (lack of) atmosphere, cos it was THAT quiet. Probably not helped by Chorlton not making a sound either. Still, one peep from the Ponty in the second half and THAT warning about racist, homophobic...blah blah...came on the PA. I’d not heard owt of this nature, but I can bl**dy hear that PA telling people to shut up or they’ll be barred (after copious use of CCTV).

The players? The coach? Why is POTY Cotter on the bench again? If he’s not fit enough to start, get him rested till he is. Don’t dangle him the ‘carrot’ of the bench. As it was, I thought O’Keefe did ok. Gent was also better than usual. The 3 centre halves, Earl, Roberts and MdG had an easy time of it, I thought. Till Berry came on and upset the rhythm. I’m not sure what to make of Yoganathan, other than he can’t be a footballer with that build. He has some nice touches, but he’s too skinny and too slow. But apart from that...Connell was hauled to make way for The Saviour (Watters) which shows you the level he’s punting at these days. However, I thought he played better in a deeper role, with Russell played further forward. DKD flitted around, and at least showed the sniffer instinct lacking in our actual centre forwards, when he bagged the rebound.

Drink du jour: Siren ‘Dogs in the Moonlight’ hazy pale ale in Heaven and Ale. Bootiful.

Away: 472. Looked half that. In terms of making noise, as bad as us.

The Damage:
c.£8 petrol
= c.£8

Blackpool 1-2 BFC, Saturday 19th October 2024

‘Coke must have been on special offer in Barnsley that day.’

Is this how it’s going to be this season? Play poorly, but eke out just enough results to stay on the coat tails of the play-off pack, before finally succumbing to 8th? Cos if you haven’t seen this victory before, see also ‘Lincoln City’ and ‘Burton Albion’. The fans have obviously lost belief. We barely took a thousand on Satdy, one half of the stand completely empty. This is Blackpool away, FFS. One of the jewels in the crown of away games (stop laughing at the back). It was a turgid game lightened up with 3 goals that all came out of nowhere.

For those who hadn’t heard, we caught in-form Blackpool at the right time, manager Steve Bruce away on compassionate leave following the death of his four month old grandchild. He was replaced by perma-sidekick and former Reds legend Steve Agnew. The match was accordingly disjointed and lacking in both skill and excitement. Mind, a couple of Londontykes watching it on telly thought it was alright. Maybe the drink had taken its toll (on me). It was RUBBISH.

Still, we went ahead after something approaching half an hour of nothing happening. A smooth move began in our half ends with DKD cutting inside and stroking it home, a carbon copy of his debut strike. I said it was out of the blue. Where did THAT come from!? Blackpool missed a few half chances and there was no way we deserved a lead, but a lead we had. Could we build on it?

No. The teams swapped ends and proceeded to give us the same dirge we had 1st half. I pity the poor neutral (not for the first time). Blackpool were in the slight ascendancy, nothing unduly worrying, when a free kick was lofted over and none of our 3 centre halves dealt with it. I think it came off the forward’s foot eventually. A ball into the danger zone allowed to drop for someone to sweep it into the corner. P*** poor. Another timely substitution, as Coach Clarke had hauled Russell (for Craig) and Phillips (for Yoganathan) a minute earlier. He really is unlucky / s*** our manager, isn’t he?

Nothing continues to happen, until injury time. Coach Clarke hauls Humphreys for Jalo (I didn’t realise the latter was back from his hurty shoulder at Burton) before sending on Pines for Gent, presumably to get the winner. Well, it’s not Pines, but a minute later Connell sends a hopeful corner to the backpost and Marc Roberts loops a header back to the other post, where the defender has gone AWOL. (Have a look at it on youtube, the defender’s efforts are very funny. Indeed, it’s criminal he doesn’t deal with it.) We have STOLEN another away win. I can’t pretend the match was anything other than awful, it really was. Can we go home now?

Onwards and upwards!

*** Roberts. Apart from their goal (and I think Roberts bears most blame) he was solid. Oh, and scored.
** DKD. I have absolutely no memory of anyone else playing well, so DKD for the Litmanen (quality finish).
* Slonina. Reedy can hopefully vouch for me commenting that Slonina hadn’t put a foot wrong and couldn’t be to blame for the goal.

Londontykes’ MOTM: TBA

Despatches:
On the way out, I saw a couple of fans being handcuffed (‘fancuffed’?)...damaging seats...but the way the copper explained it to me, he thought I didn’t think ripping out seats and attempting to abscond with them was a crime. He should have been at Man City home the other year when their fans nicked an entire toilet door!

Pre-match was great. Beer on the pier with Andy, beer in the market with Andy, beers in the Tap room with Andy. An Oirishman explaining to me how he was from Oiland, as if I didn’t know what an Oirish accent sounded like. Being complimented by Tangerines for getting off the beaten track to find quality beer (but of course!) It was a world away from the promised coke fuelled aggro that follows Nice Guy Chris to Blackpool (he was boycotting it).

The players? I have no memory of any of ‘em. I’ve just looked at the line up and have zero reminisces of Phillips or Humphreys. Did they REALLY play? Ditto O’Keefe and Gent. And I just presumed MdG and Earl played, cos they always do. Was Connell his normal s*** self? I have no idea. I can tell you we had 2 shots on target (cos that’s what the BBC website tells me), so I’ll let youse work out how many saves their keeper made. For the record they had 5 shots on target. It was meagre gruel. Pls sir, don’t give me more.

Drink du jour: Beavertown Neck Oil on the pier, Mango Unchained in Abingdon St. Market, Lichfield Pale Ale, Sundown IPA, Thistly Cross Whisky Cask cider at the Cask & Tap. Leffe on the train home, Leffe and Elvis Juice on the train there. Come to think, there’s a reason I can’t remember much beyond ‘this is s***’.

Away: 1,598

The Damage:
£30 ent (!)
£20 train
= £50

Leek Town 0-1 Warrington Rylands, Tuesday 15th October 2024

Leek Town 0-1 Warrington Rylands, Northern Premier League Premier Division, F. Ball Community Stadium (Harrison Park), att. 421

There was limited choice locally for me tonite. I could have made my debut at local side Golcar, but it was only a league cup game. There were a few games Liverpool way, or even Bamber Bridge, but I was up the latter’s way last Satdy, and I’m due in Blackpool this Satdy coming. You can have too much of a bad thing. But, looking slightly further afield, Leek Town were at home in the Northern Premier. It’s still October, I’ll have an hour of daylight meandering through the Peak District, admiring the views. Yes, let’s do that, even if it is an hour and half.

As I hit Derbyshire, the fog came in and it never left. So much for views. I reached Glossop, then Buxton. Then a closed road. The main road to Leek cut off for roadworks. Fine. I follow the DIVERSION signs...which lead me to the exact part of the road that’s closed. (The two cars ahead, both obviously having the same problem, stop to ask the workmen WTF is going on.) My satnav is no help either, asking me if the road is still closed. What? The closed road you’d failed to tell me about in the first place?

There is then a harrowing few miles through thick mist, visibility only a few yards, up single track roads, knowing at any minute another vehicle will come out of the mist coming the other way. Far too late to change my mind now, I’m invested. I eventually reach a mainish road and make it to Leek, thankfully free of fog. Satnav now does the easy bit and finds me the ground, and I park 2 minutes on down Macclesfield Road. It’s taken me over 2 hours.

The turnstiles are down a lane, past the Main Stand. (I discover there are more turnstiles on the opposite side of the ground, but who knows when these were last used.) The Main Stand isn’t particularly easy on the eye, but it’s tall, has a large paddock in front and houses over 600 seats. Oddly, it runs from the halfway line to the byeline. I buy a programme and get the last teamsheet – should be worth something in future, that – before doubling back along the paddock, to the social club. There’s quite a few beers on, all big names, but I spy Krombacher and elect for that. An improvement on that lager with the Spanish name that isn’t from Spain. Unfortunately the barrel needs changing, so while the pipe spurts out froth, I miss the teams coming out. Boooo.

I am also hungry, and the snack bar has a better than average choice. I plump for pie and peas and walk around the pitch to stand near the corner flag. There may be only two steps, but this stand is covered and a couple of metres back. Much of the home support is behind this goal, Leek kicking this way first half. It’s a plastic pitch, which is of no advantage to the home side, as Leek have won one and lost 5 league games thus far. Indeed, hosting bottom of the table Warrington Rylands, they make it 6 defeats in 7, losing nil-one and having a penalty saved to boot.

Pie eaten, I wander round the pitch, beer in hand. Another small cover runs most of the length of the touchline, while a couple of steps level with the edge of the penalty area provides a nice little pew to watch the teams struggle. Neither team are especially great passers, but the plastic pitch removes any jeopardy. Rylands win it with a scrambled effort just after half-time. Ben Hardcastle is credited, though it looked an own goal to me, as the defender fell over himself trying to clear. The kind of goal that this kind of game deserved.

Thereafter, Leek laid siege to Warrington’s half, if not their goal. Rylands retreated, got men behind the ball, and Leek had no idea how to break it down. Their one chance was the penalty, given when a header then unintentionally came off a defender’s arm while his back was to the attacker. Harsh, but ‘the silhouette’ did for him. A low effort was saved by the keeper, and that was about it, save for me enjoying the last 20 or so minutes from the comfort of the stand. As I walked out, I could hear discussion among the 10 or so away fans as to who’d be washing the kit this week. ‘I can’t. I’m away.’ Likely story.

Oh, and I didn’t go back over the Peaks. Drove through Macc (whose floodlights were still on from their game) and the edge of Manchester. Much less hair-raising.

The Damage:
£12 ent
£3 prog
£3.50 pie and peas
£5 Krombacher (pint of)
= £23.50