BFC 3-2 Burton Albion, Saturday 9th August 2025

‘He’s got a foot like a 10 bob note.’

Oakwell was resplendent in sunshine, Reds shirts were a-plenty, we had 4 players making their home debut...and we were two nil down at half-time to Burton Albion. Plus ca change, as Jonesy was probably telling his Corsican father-in-law* while on holiday. What a sh*tshow that 1st half was. We conceded a penalty after 1 minute and 50 seconds (Hurrah! The scoreboard was working!), we conceded a comedy second and didn’t have a shot on target till the 42nd minute. The depression around Oakwell at the interval was palpable. I was ready to sell my ST to Loko, who was thinking about buying one pre-match (if they offered them pro-rata). For some strange reason, he wasn’t as keen now.

*I’m just baiting him. Here’s where he will point out he’s not married, therefore...etc etc

That opening half was as bad as anything since...our last home game, probably (losing to bottom of the table Shrewsbury; part of my memory is still intact). Indeed, we could have been 3 down in injury time as they broke, 2 on 4 (yes, you read that right). If their bloke on the left of the halfway line had lofted his kick well enough, their other forward would’ve been clean through, stripping 3 Reds for pace as he was. Thankfully, he controlled the ball inside and Earl took him out for a booking. But their front 2 had given our back 4 a torrid time throughout. Last week’s fullbacks, MdG and Earl, were this week’s centre backs. And they looked like fullbacks trying to play centre half. Meantime, Burton’s centre half partnership, ex-Reds Jasper Moon and Toby Sibbick, could’ve sat in their deckchairs and enjoyed the view.

Still, the opening goal was controversial. I saw it, and still didn’t know what happened. Burton have a corner, which is sailing over everyone, when their player appears to run into home debutant centre forward McGoldrick and goes down clutching his face. My initial view was that collisions happen. But if we’d impeded their guy from getting it, perhaps fair enough, but they were nowhere near the ball. Maybe we need to run into defenders off corners and go down like we’ve been assassinated? Home debutant keeper Murphy banks on it going down the middle. It doesn’t. Nil one. That’s fine. Plenty of time.

Half an hour later it’s two. We still haven’t threatened, aside from a pathetic effort from a 3rd home debutant, the left back on loan from Plymouth (I’ll know his name by September – if he’s still in the team.) He gives himself space to put a ball into the danger area (or ‘corridor of uncertainty’ as a former miniscule manager may have said) but no, he goes for glory and blasts the ball into the crowd from a silly angle. I disgress. As I always do.

A Reds’ cross is cleared and MdG intercepts but his attempted pass doesn’t reach its target and a Brewer, with one pass, puts their striker clear IN HIS OWN HALF. MdG has already stepped out, and Earl inexplicably joins him, leaving their bloke with only Cooper to beat. Maybe this is the high press I’ve spent the summer reading about? Further inexplicity (!) sees Cooper 30 yards out of his goal and haring towards their striker, who knocks it past him before sidefooting it into an empty net from 20 yards. I was rather hoping these kind of goals wouldn’t happen this season, but I had to laugh.

Still, we roared into life we finally had something to show for our lack of class on 42 mins, as Phillips wins the ball by the corner flag and a couple of passes later our 4th home debutant…the Brighton guy...wotshisname?...pulls it back on a plate for DKD to somehow find the keeper. Still, it was a start. Then Albion missed their chance to win the game when he underhit THAT diagonal ball. Get it right and he’s clean through and we beg the stewards to leave at half time. (Apparently, some still did.)

Would some stern words at half-time make a blind bit of difference? Did they last season? (I read today we conceded fifty-six (56) goals in the second half last season. The most in England. I don’t know if that included cup games, but even so, that’s over 2 goals PER HALF a game of football.) Coach Conor has made zero changes, but sometimes you have to trust that the XI you put out will actually follow your orders this time. Mind, it’s still a shock when 10 minutes in we score. The ball is played out to Phillips who pulls it back for...is it Vickers?...to sweep home.

Momentum has well and truly swung, as minutes later Connell hits a snapshot which the keeper parries straight to the feet of DKD, who doesn’t miss from THERE. 2 goals in 2 games. Maybe Conor’s right, this front 4 is full of goals. If we keep them. As the atmosphere ratchets up a notch, a lull brings supersub Cleary on for Vickers and he tears Albion a new one in the last 20. Pacey, direct, bit of skill. Early on he blasts past a player, sees a small gap in the corner of the goal and goes for it, the keeper superbly tipping it round the post. And with time running out, Cleary plays a part in the injury time winner, as he holds the ball and gives it back to Phillips who whips it across goal for David ‘Didzy’ McGoldrick to tap in from 12 inches. I’ll say this: Max Watters wouldn’t have scored that. It might be a tap-in, but it’s the MOVEMENT and TIMING for the tap-in. And, bonus points, he lasts the match, save for being taken off to time waste a bit in the last minute. Wow. We have only come back from 2 goals down to win a home game for the first time since 1992. I was there for that one too – we beat Brentford 3-2. I and the 4,927 others who were there can say they saw John Pearson score twice…cos it never happened again, the useless f*****.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Phillips. Masterful. The amount of balls he delivered to a red shirt in that final third. And the way he pings crosses in, low (cos we’ve no-one to win a header). And his flicks straight into the path of Red on the move. A thoroughbred.
** Cleary. His pace, power and trickery blew them away when he came on.
* Vickers. Scored, was a threat...and crucially in my decision for 3rd, didn’t give a penalty away!

Official MOTM: Phillips

Londontykes’ POTY: 1. Phillips 2. McGoildrick 3= Vickers/Cleary

Despatches:
Starting with the players, Cooper had nothing to do, yet conceded 2. MdG looked very nervous, an accident waiting to happen. I thought he’d morphed into Marc Roberts the way he was treating the ball like a hot potato. Earl looked as baffled. I never really noticed the Plymouth bloke apart from that ‘shot’ early doors, while Bland was also part of a 4 man defence seemingly kept busy by one bloke in the 1st half. (And while everyone jumps on what a quality performance he gave blah blah blah– listen, I get it, we WANT Bland to do well – 4 times, FOUR TIMES, he got caught under throw-ins down the line in that 2nd half. Basically, he steps forwards, the ball goes over his head, and unless MdG covers, they’re in. Maybe there were more 1st half, but I notice it 2nd cos it was right in front of me.)

On to midfield, where Connell and Yoganathan can tippy-tappy till the cows come home if that 1st half was anything to go by. Still, better than kicking a ball FORWARD and out of play. I’d just go all school team and tell ‘em ‘Listen lads. When you get the ball, just pass it to one of them 4 in front of you. They’re better than you.’ At least Luca had that snapshot. THAT’S what I really want. MAKE THINGS HAPPEN, don’t just hope things will happen.

Then the front 4. For the little that DKD did, if you watch the extended highlights, he could have scored a hattrick. His movement and understanding with other players (other GOOD players: I mean Phillips and McGoldrick) means they know where he’s going, where to put the ball, etc. Plus he’s proactive (imagine!) He scored that tap-in cos he knows that keeper might save it, might put it just there and he might just score. And McGoldrick. He’s no pace, but he’s got class in abundance. The way he sometimes moves his body to keep the defender away from the ball reminds me a little of John Hendrie. Having a forward with a modicum of intelligence goes a long way. Now, where’s Max Watters?

Course, it can’t all be sunlit uplands. No wonder there was such a vast array of Reds shirts – you can’t get hold of the current one in the club shop. Sold out. That problem with the safe standing blocking those in the disabled stand from having a view? Yep, not sorted. (Still, it’ll flush out anybody pretending they can’t walk when they jump out of their wheelchair to see a Reds attempt at goal). Oh, and there was new BARNSLEY FOOTBALL CLUB lettering on the back of the West Stand (good). But the old lettering could still be seen (bad). Never do a job properly, BFC.

Big thanks to my chauffeur (Loko) for the lift to Barnsley. And thanks to Nice Guy Chris for pointing out it was the shorts wot won it. Yes, COME ON YOU WHITE SHORTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wasthe demise of the women's team in the summer worth it? No comment. And talking of Loko, good to see his favourite O’Keeffe give a penalty away fro Stockport after getting the wrong side of his man. Am I expecting too much of Challinor to teach O’Keeffe how to defend while he’s there?

Drink du jour: Verdant Lightbulb pale ale in Spiral City.

Away: 435 (12,456)

The Damage:
£9.70 train
50 odd quid new shirt
= £9.70

FC St. Helens 2-0 FC Isle of Man, Tuesday 29th July 2025

FC St. Helens 2-0 FC Isle of Man, North West Counties League Premier Division, SMS Pro Soccer Park (Windleshaw Sports), att. 195

It’s matchday 2 of the North West Counties League and my first chance after their eastern equivalent on Satdy. I’ve done my homework and am offering Darlo Kev Prestwich Heys, Atherton LR, Irlam or Whythenshawe, all venues I’ve yet to visit. He’s easy and the family’s not home, so he’s up for slightly further afield. Let’s do FC St. Helens, I suggest. Bit further, but manageable. I put the Kevnav on and off we go.

We arrive an hour or so before kick-off. I fancy a pub rather than straight into the ground. Up here looks promising (a main road). A pedestrian starts waving frantically. It’s only a one-way street. The area around the SMS Pro Soccer Park is full of them. Thank you random pedestrian. We park up and walk to The Gerard Arms, a grand building off said main road. A fruity pale ale and an IPA for the pair of us. Good start.

Time runs away with itself though and I find myself giving some of my pint away as we’re in danger of missing kick-off. We scrabble ourselves together and get in just as the players are coming out. Seven quid in, but the programmes ‘have just sold out’. Once in, we are met with a 50 yard pathway and through what looks like a tunnel. It’s almost like we’re the players entering the field of play, but it’s just a sign proclaiming the ground’s sponsor over the roofs of two 50 seater modern stands that get delivered by lorry. It’s a far cry from St. Helens rugby league ground, but therein lies the problem for a conurbation as big as St. Helens playing virtual village teams. That and its proximity to Liverpool and Manchester.

Mind, tonite it’s international nite. Or the ‘FC derby’ as nobody calls it. FC St. Helens versus FC Isle of Man. ‘Will they bring any fans tonite?’ asks a local. Actually, they bring a few, as I counted 5 or 6 replica shirts around the perimeter. No flags tho. The ones pinned to the net (the net preventing ball loss, rather the net fixed to the goalposts) are St. Helens. We walk past these, see the players enter the pitch, then head into the social club for a drink. As ever, it’s pretty large, and probably has as many seats as the ground, as well as a pool table. Handy if the game’s rubbish, or it rains.

It’s a mild summer’s nite though. Some folk are sat at the picnic tables betwixt club and pitch while most fans are standing on this side. The attendance of 195 is about par for this division tonite, barring a couple of clubs. The pitch is also one of the bumpiest I remember seeing. Excellent. Balls rolling along the floor pop up and surprise players whose ball control is limited as it is. The islanders threaten early, but soon St. Helens take control and thereafter look the better team, helped by a 9th minute opener. It stays like this till half-time, whereby we retreat to the bar so Kev can have another beer.

Second half, we continue our walk around the boundary. There’s a tiny stand behind the goal, the only standing cover, though it’s not needed tonite. Otherwise, it’s open all the way around to the aforementioned seats, which are nearer to the corner flag than halfway line. St. Helens press on and grab a second around the 70 minute mark. Game over, but a pleasant enough start in our North West Counties League season. Just be careful with one-way streets.

The Damage:
£7 ent
£4.70 Veltins lager (x2)
= £16.40

York City 2-2 BFC, Tuesday 22nd July 2025

‘I think we’ll struggle this season.’ ‘Oh, shut up.’

I can’t resist a new stadium, even if it is only a friendly. It’s our first ever visit to the York Community Stadium, yet another out-of-town new build with barely any character beyond the seats being different colours. I’d put it up there (down there?) with Northampton and Donny, a small stadium in the middle of a few retail bits. This one had a swimming pool at one end, and a cinema at the other. Beyond one side (the away side) you’d be hard pushed to know you’re outside a football ground.

Chris had come up from London. Handily, Yorkshire Cricket Club had arranged to be playing at Scarborough the next day and Chris was going to that. So of course he was coming to York, to drink beer (and wine) and be merry. And see the near-future of Barnsley FC. After several drinks we caught a bus to the ground from outside the pub we were nearly in. Excellent research, C.

We arrived in good time, time enough to do a circumference of the stadium. We met Gally in the queue outside, and cheekily took seats right on the halfway line. We were the far right of Reds support. (Far right of Brexiters? Dear me.) One obvious change from the Harrogate game was Conor Barrett in for Shepherd at centre half and the new guy from Brighton (Caylan Vickers) played right wing. Yoganathan got a trot out in centre mid.

We went behind to a superb goal. A few one-touch passes before Ollie Banks (son of Ian) curled one into the far top corner from 20 odd yards. Later, Cooper was forced into a diving save to keep the score at one-nil going into the break. Of the players, my main thought was of this new winger from Brighton. Apparently he’d had a good season at Mansfield last season. All I saw was a bloke who likes to keep possession (ie, doesn’t like to part with the ball), cuts inside, and carries on going till he’s forced to knock it back. Skill enough to keep a ball, but not skill nor pace enough to beat players beyond cutting inside them.

Coach Conor made no changes at half-time, which gave the 1st half players chance to make amends against the non-league Minstermen. And who should pop up with the equaliser but Caylan Vickers? Jon Russell played a peach through the middle and Vickers comfortably despatched.

On the hour (ish) the subs came on…Phillips for Russell, Farrugia (still being played at right mid) for Cleary and Senior (who?) for Roberts. Ogbeta then hit the post but with McGoldrick, Farrell (who?) and Graham on for DKD, Vickers and Bland, York went ahead. Another superb one-touch move leaves our players stood still in wonder, before the ball is whipped across goal for a tap-in. Now, had we scored their two goals, I’d be raving. Incredible. Movement, passing. Perfect. But as they were AGAINST us, I’m starting to think all you have to do is give it the old one-two. Our players are simply incapable of turning and running, or pro-actively spotting what’s happening before them. These are NON-LEAGUE.

McGoldrick had ensconced himself at left midfield, but fair play, he set up the equaliser a minute later with a throughball behind the defence for Phillips to run onto and score at the second time of asking. Nothing happened in the last 15 minutes. Two-all, a good runout, but we’re still 4 or 5 additions off midtable mediocrity. (Prove me wrong, Barnsley.)

Onwards and upwards!

Despatches: Chris thought it was his round when we got back to the statin, and the York Tap. I soon put him right – it was my turn. Biggest mistake of the nite. Would he like this red wine, that one, or the other one. ‘I’ve never heard of that one, I’ll try that.’ Make it a large one. FIFTEEN POUNDS, or one thousand five hundred pence, whatever sounds cheaper. Of course, Chris’s company is cheap at twice that price. Good job I don’t see him every game.

Drink du jour: Northern Monk Faith and Erdinger at the Fossgate Tap, Bluebell IPA at the Bluebell, Neck Oil at The Golden Fleece and Weihenstephaner at the York Tap.

Away: 772 (2,567).

The Damage:
£15 ent
£4.90 vegan pasty (the only one they had left, and I was hungry)
c.£20 petrol
£12 buses
= £51.90