Leyton Orient 1-3 BFC, Saturday 29th August 2026

***having probs uploading photos

‘Do you make a carafe snake?’

It’s amazing what can happen when Luca Connell isn’t anchoring our midfield (‘anchoring’ as in ‘holding it back’? Making sure it goes nowhere?). 2 wins in 2 games, 6 goals scored. Numerous attacks. Camped in their half. Yeah, yeah, there’s a limited statistical spread to come to conclusions, but why spoil my fun? Satdy was tip-top. We bossed it from start to finish. Orient were reliant on the odd counter attack and giving the ball to Corey O’Keeffe (more later).

New signing O’Riordan (from Blackburn) slotted in nicely at centre half beside Gale but left me wondering whyever Blackpool would sign Josh Earl. Doesn’t their scouting system extend to East Lancashire? This bloke looks great. (Early days, etc). So Kay’s position this week was left back, with Noslin on the opposite flank. Otherwise, same as it’s been, which can only help understanding.

Early entertainment came from the ref, who thought Gale was injured so waved on the physio despite Gale telling him he didn’t need him. So the ref made Gale go off for a minute, as per these new rules. That is INSANE. Why can’t the ref just change his mind? If he gives a penalty, then realises he was wrong, he can reverse his decision. This makes no sense to me. ‘Yer clueless ref’ I shout…’already’ adds A. Reed, perhaps thinking I hadn’t finished my sentence.

Still, those there may forget that the Orient fans had already given him a round of ‘you’re not fit to referee’ and while his decisions continued to be...errr...inconsistent, he did manage to give us a penalty…before a blatant elbow to the head of one of our ethnically diverse players (I forget which) didn’t even bring a free kick. (I guess if he gave the free kick, he’d have to send their bloke off). All in all, standard 3rd division refereeing.

Still, we escaped an early scare, as Ravenhill gave the ball straight to them, 30 yards out, and he DIDN’T just lob it back over the keeper’s head. Within minutes we are ahead, as Kay plays a sublime ball down the left* for Cleary to run onto before crossing low for Kirk to slide into an empty net. Honestly, even Kirk looked like a footballer today, putting in a shift, scoring, and challenging for every ball. Doesn’t make my top 3 though. And we really should have nailed Orient to the cross that half. I don’t know how many times Cleary had the chance to destroy their right back, but he has to know when to part with the ball and when to shoot.

*after taking their player on. Lose it and they’re 2 on 1. Welcome to Stendelball! High risk football bringing high rewards...or losses.

Half-time, and Stendel sends on Richards for Alker. Now, Richards didn’t impress on debut (Wigan?) but between him and Noslin, they make mincemeat of the Orient left. When was the last time you saw one of our players kick a ball past an opponent and then go round him the other way? Well, you’d still be waiting, cos Richards has his ankle clipped as he does this. Penalty. (I’ve since watched it a dozen times and I couldn’t tell you if the contact is actually inside the box, but the player certainly lands in it.) McGeehan sends the keeper the wrong way in convincing fashion. This is more like it!

0-2 is still not a fair reflection, however, but the Super Reds aren’t finished yet. Richards and Nozzer (is Nozzer’s favourite player Tyrese ‘Nozzer’ Noslin, I wonder?) combine again and the ball drops loose to Cleary, who takes a touch and rockets it in from just inside the box. This is more like it, part II. The obligatory fire drill starts in the home end and we’re left to play the last 15 at a canter.

Farrell and O’Keeffe come on for Kirk and Cleary. I kid you not, I was thinking earlier, the only chance Orient have is if we send Shepherd on (which would have been difficult, as he wasn’t even on the bench) but surely the next best is Corey O’Keeffe. What did I say the other nite? ‘He could be an asset as long as he has no defensive responsibility.’ He isn’t and did, a header towards Ravenhill latched upon by their centre forward to bury. Momentum switched in the snap of fingers. (And I don’t know why I’m coming to the defence of a defender who can’t defend, but maybe this goal doesn’t happen if Ravenhill isn’t so far back. But I’m not paid to defend, O’Keeffe is.) A clean sheet ruined. (Like at Rovrum last season when we sent Shepherd on to concede a penalty.)

Onwards and upwards!

*** Noslin. Excellent again. Looks a threat, but also passes a ball to his teammates.
** Richards. BFC need to be proscribed as a terrorist organisation the way this bloke came on and frightened them to death. Set up 2 goals, and a great partnership with Nozzer.
* O’Riordan. Commanding. How have Blackburn let him go?

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Noslin 2. Cleary 3. O’Riordan

Despatches:
In a change to previous visits, it was the turn of the post-match to go wrong. It was bad enough that we were making our way to a back street boozer near neither Leyton nor Kings X (Reedy and I getting a train back)…but then a jumper on the line near Leyton downs the tube. Central Line out, that was 25 mins walk (and the rest) to Stratford, before 5 minutes’ walk from Liverpool Street becomes 15. I calculate we spent longer walking to our pint (singular) than the time we spent drinking said pint.

Pre-match was spent under the arches at Leyton Midland Station at Gravity Well. I’m sold on this place. Excellent range of beers and I can get away with drinking strong ale in two-thirds measures. My kind of drinking.

It was also great to see Waddinho come in from the cold (East Anglia, somewhere). We complimented each other on the nice food we’ve both obviously eaten since we last saw each other. It was nice to meet junior too…so junior he’s just completed his GCSEs!

The players? They were excellent, though looking thru the list, I can’t remember Alkerpops making a contribution. Perhaps that’s why he was hauled at HT? And Bland played well, though his highlight was running 20 yards to join in a row. It’s not a game of football if he doesn’t get booked. It’s in his contract. And in one game, we’ve jumped from 21st to 9th. By my reckoning, we’ll be top of the table in a fortnight. Nice also to hear the latest chance, summat about Stendel taking us up ‘again’. It’s the ‘again’ I like. (Brought to youse from the same yoof who brought us Hourihane taking us to the promised land, but still.)

Oh, and while not strictly matchday, I’ll share this from the previous day down in Camberwell, Sarf Landan. Starving, and craving a bacon sandwich, I walked into a café on the way to my house. The Gods were truly looking down on me. There, before my very eyes, was a beautiful tray of bacon, sizzling away, ready to put between two slices of Mother’s Pride. ‘Can I have a bacon sandwich, please?’ ‘No. I know it says we’re a café outside, but this is actually a New York-style deli.’ Eh? So I look at the board, 7 items I don’t even know what they are…’what’s the….?’ ‘Oh, we’re not serving yet, but you’ll be able to see what we’ve got when I put the menus out.’ I stagger out in shellshock. Thank goodness The Pelican (a student gaff over the road from my old house) could manage to do me a salmon and cream cheese bagel without the cream cheese! What is happening in this world!? If I was a hospitality business, I’d be trying to attract customers, not dissuading them from ever going to my business again.

Drink du jour: The Casimir Effect NEIPA at Gravity Well.

Away: 636 (8,642).

The Damage:
£30 ent
£60.10 train
= £90.10

Leyton Orient 4-3 BFC, Friday 18th April 2025

‘We need to get back on the water melon vapes at half-time.’

We were all over the place, the left leg not knowing what the right leg was doing. Organisation was pitiful, on field leadership was minimal and the managerial decision-making poor at best. But that’s enough about the Londontykes. We also lost a football match.

Yes, Nice Guy Chris kindly took it upon himself to organise a p*** up in a brewery pub. The Leyton Engineer, half 12. Easy peasy. I rocked up just before, 1st one there (I thought). I must have had a nasty feeling, as I buttoned my coat up before the door. Sure enough. ‘HOME ONLY’. Why? I’ve lived in Leyton for the best part of 10 years and never known it. ‘Do you have a ticket for the home end?’ enquired the bouncer. ‘Eh? No.’ ‘Do you have a ticket for the game?’ ‘What game? I’m not going to the game’ ‘Oh. Ok then...Boss, what if someone’s not going to the game?’ Obviously, they hadn’t thought that could be a possibility. (I know I shouldn’t be lying, but I was kinda hoping God would be busy, this being Easter Friday and all.)

So I got in, and WhatsApp’ed the crew. Slacki, Rhys, Alison, Farnham and Big Jim all got in ok. Indeed, there was a fair smattering of other Reds fans in there too. However, Jonesy, all liveried up in Reds gear was denied entry. Accompanying a minor (Jude) makes no difference to a man who takes pride in his job. By now Chris had replied. ‘We’re in a completely different pub having our dinner, thank you very much.’ I’m alright, Jack. I put Jonesy onto the Northcote Arms, another local with a ‘NO AWAY FANS’ poster up, but no bouncer. I went and joined him for a snifter, despite my beer in the Engineer (nee Leyton Technical) possibly being the best I had all season. I’m a martyr, me. (Tis the weekend for it.) In fact, I had two pints, and bucking the trend of diminishing returns, I enjoyed both equally.

My main worry was actually getting my backpack into the ground. I was staying down here for 3 days and needed to get my toiletries and underwear past passport control. As it was, the Orient stewards were well chilled, though not chilled enough to let Lord S put the flag up. ‘Too big.’ (I had thought, at least if they don’t let me in, I will maintain my unbeaten record at Orient, a thought that came back on me as the damn collapsed 2nd half.)

We went 2 goals up within 20 minutes. It’s easy this. Humphreys scrambles in a corner for the opener. Then he scores again, though it looked way offside (even Farnham said so!) but it was a nice finish, slamming in a volley. Anyone would be thinking he’s playing for a new contract. Half-time, two goals to the good, what can go wrong? Well, the warning was there just before HT as they clear an attack...and if he wins the flick-on on the halfway line, they’re clean through. He wins the flick-on, Orient run clean through, but the finish is off the post. HOW ARE WE 1 V 2 ON THE HALFWAY LINE FROM OUR OWN CORNER????

Half-time is grovelling time, as Chris looked so sheepish he could have been wandering around the Pennines being corralled by a black and white dog. (It’s ok, Chris, we’d have chosen the Engineer for ourselves, especially since last season’s craft ale place didn’t open till 2.)

The teams come out and the O’s RUN RIOT. Plus ca change. We’ve sacked Coach Clarke and 6 or so games in under Coach Conor we are EXACTLY THE SAME. 1st half, we have conceded the 2nd LEAST in the division (17), 2nd half, we have conceded the MOST in the LEAGUE (51). Ironically, we hold out till the 51st minute, so that’s 6 minutes of the second half. Weak. From memory, a soft shot across the keeper finds the far corner. Falafel really isn’t very good. That’s why he’s our 5th choice.

Orient pile the pressure on. Coach Conor makes changes doesn’t do a thing. Save for crossing his fingers and hoping for the best. We have a break, it’s DKD v the world (cos no-one else has the belief to join in). He beats the defender on the byeline, cuts back and rockets it high into the net. Superb, and in the week he’s been nominated for League 1 POTY.

Normal service resumes. They are ALL OVER US. Coach Conor makes a few tactical tweaks does FA and we concede a weak 2nd. Earl and McCarthy stand and stare at their right winger, allowing him to put the perfect low cross inbetween Roberts and Falafel for a tap-in. Why don’t we do that? But here we go! Conor brings on Lambrusco for MOTM Humphreys. Go Conor! We concede two more within 3 minutes. Jalo gives the ball away on the touchline and they are 3 on 3. It’s all too easy, as they scuff it into the net surrounded by defenders. Then a corner lands in our box without a head on it, carnage ensues and another bobbled effort goes in. We are kings of the soft goal (conceded).

Coach Conor LEAPS into action. He throws another right back on, Cotter. That’s 3 on the pitch. Then he drags Bland off, so that’s one less right back. Oh no it isn’t! On trots O’Keeffe. And Benson. So that’s half the outfield team made up of players who’ve played right back for us this season. Incredibly, we fail to threaten. We have gone from 3-1 up to 3-4 down in the space of 10 minutes. I’m almost pleased that we’ve found a new and exciting way to lose a football match. And my Orient record is ruined. And the good news? Coach Conor has been given the job permanent. Of course he has.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Humphreys. Scored two, had another saved. Won us the game. Oh.
** DKD. He’s wasted at Oakwell. How much will Sunderland (presuming they don’t go up) or someone offer for him in the summer?
* No-one. Absolute garbage.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Humphreys 2. DKD 3. No-one / Connell

Despatches:
I’m gonna start with Jalo. Hapless on Friday, it doesn’t take long to realise whether he’s on it, or not, whether it’s the kind of game for him, or not. Coach Conor coulda hauled him after 10 minutes. Instead, waited till we were beat. Falafel barely made a save. (DID he make a save?) Earl and McCarthy were soft as owt, always letting them have the ball. I didn’t really notice Roberts but if you see their goals, they were all catastrophes for our defence...and Roberts is (allegedly) the key man in defence. Connell was his usual self, 1 or 2 atrocious passes that went out for throw-ins. Any chance of getting shut? Phillips and Russell also played. Allegedly.

As for Leyton, what to do next season? Don’t these ‘home fans only’ pubs realise that those wearing colours are NOT the problem? Do we email the Engineer next year and get special dispensation? Or call up the craft ale place and get them to open early (as we did at Stevenage one year)? Course, I’m presuming they won’t win the play-offs. Our defeat puts them in the last play-off place. Leyton Orient. (Good luck to em.)

XG? 2.28 v 1.64. Suffice to say our goalkeeper is conceding more than he ought.

Afterwards, I had time for a quick beer before meeting up with Sarah and we (Jim, Farnham and James from Diss) went back to the Engineer (bouncers still there) and enjoyed a beer with some Orient fans. Anyway, they have my number. Maybe they’ll come to Oakwell next season (HOME ONLY).

Drink du jour: The Five Points Jupa in the Engineer, Cowcatcher American Pale Ale in the Northcote Arms

Away: c.700. ‘3-1 and you facked it up’ from their support. ‘Only sing when you’re winning’ from ours. And guess who stopped singing when they were no longer winning?

The Damage:
£30 ent
c.£50 train
£3.50 prog
= c. £83.50

Leyton Orient 0-0 Barnsley, Tuesday 17th March 2015

‘My Big Fat Gypsy St. Patrick’s Night’

Courtesy of my photographer...

Good God, I am STILL trying to get over what I saw t'other night – and I’m not referring to the match. Picture the scene: back street east end boozer, much of a muchness, a decent smattering of customers, virtually all male and of a certain age, when about 8 young ladies turn up in outfits the good burghers of Newcastle would class as ‘immodest’. If I said it was ALL out on display, it was ALL out on display. I would not lie if I said some of their skirts were 6 inches short. You can imagine how much THAT covers. And then another of the gang came in and her melons were the size of...MELONS.  I don't know how that top kept 'em in.  Still, took everyone’s minds off the football. Though it was disappointing not to see any of Tim, Slacki or Loko have a crack at one of them. (As Loko said later, he 'wasn’t taking his life into his hands').  Did someone say it was like a scene FROM Snatch or OF snatch?  I don't remember The Birkbeck ever being like this when it was my local.        

A heady mix of fog and lower division floodlights.

   
The match (there was a match?) was made even more bizarre for me later on.  If I'd gone from my old local pre-match, I was now drinking in my old HOME, Leyton Town Hall, now 'The Technical'.  (I presume the council's Technical Dept used to be based in the rooms the pub now used.)  Just a shame they hadn't made the council chambers upstairs into a poolroom, as we did, nor have illicit parties in the old ballroom (which really is a thing of beauty).

Consider yourself warned.

The match?  Well, being on Gerrywatch, I sat right at the front, ie, where I least like to watch a game from.  I hope it looked better from upstairs, cos from where I was sat we created FA and had Davies to thank for pulling off 2 blinding one-on-ones (again).  Apparently, he saved his best for when I hadn't yet returned at half time.  So make that 3 blinding saves.  Mark my words, this was a point won, not two lost.

Despite not alot happening, the ref still managed to send off one of our midfielders for missing a tackle.  Being how slow motion it all was, we were amazed when said midfielder was red-carded.  For a split second we all hoped it was Hourihane, but, naturally, you have to make a tackle to miss one, so it wasn't him.  That's Lalkovic out for 3 games then.  Funny, once the the red card came out, the Orient player stopped rolling around and promptly got up and walked away like nothing had happened.  Tw*t.  Still, a welcome return of 'You're just a soft southern ba5tard', which, quite frankly, you don't hear often enough these days.

Home end and (the other) Main Stand.

*** Davies
** No-one.  No idea who played well from where I was sat.
* Though I know it wasn't Waring!

Londontykes top 3:
1. Davies
2. Scowen
3. No-one / Pearson

Drink du jour: It was St. Paddy's Night and Guinness was £3 a pop.  So make mine a San Miguel.  (Later, The Technical had Krusovice which is rather an excellent pint of lager; another reason to go there.)  I don't know what happened at the Birkbeck, but they obviously missed a trick...Paddy's Night AND a match yet they only had one barman on.  And believe me, he worked harder than anything on the football pitch that night.

Away: 577. Bl**dy gloryhunters!

The Technical Pub, Leyton.  I lived here once.

No camera can do justice to this gentleman's hair colour.