BFC 1-3 Stockport County, Saturday 2nd May 2026

‘F***ing disgusting. F***ing outrageous.’

Well, I’m glad that’s over. We can all have 3 months off now and watch England fail instead. I’m reminded of the Orient manager’s quote at the weekend about it being a wasted year, coaching the (crap) players at his club. I know the feeling. I’ve wasted a year of my supporting life on a side where 3 of the top 4 league starters were Luca Connell (39), Jack Shepherd (37) and ‘Jono’ Bland (32). No wonder we struggled. Still, after a magnificent tail-off in what form we did have, we’ve now finished in our worst league position since the days of Dire, (2002-03, 19th). Note: Isiah the Messiah came in for an injured Dire and saved us with a late winner at home to Brentford in our last home game. Sorry kids, but I’m dealing with facts, not opinions, on this one.

We have finished 15th, below the mighty Doncaster Rovers. I also notice that we’ve swapped positions with Mansfield Town (now 10th) since a certain Jon Russell was deemed ‘surplus to requirements’. Oh well. Roughly 30 games of Connell and Bland neither setting owt up, nor scoring, nor protecting our defence. Shepherd being the WOAT (Worst of all Time) centre half, his partnership (is that the right word?) with Roberts being the worst in memory. Why have 2 centre halves who can’t defend, can’t control a ball, and can’t pass a ball, when you can have 2? At the same time!? And left backs who can’t kick it with their left foot? It’s been so bad that Earl returning at fullback has been a RELIEF. And he’s poor as well.

Which is as close as I can get to a link back to the game. We’re however many minutes in when Earl plays a suicidal ball across the back straight to their player. Why the mad Hatter elects to control it, rather than simply sidefoot it past today’s ineptitude in goal (Flavell) I know not. The extra touch costs him and MdG is in on the block. Flavell then makes a couple of routine saves, and you start thinking, hang on, he might just have the basics, when…he lets an innocuous cross slip through his grasp for a tap-in on the line. Awful. This is why he can’t be trusted with being our first choice. Though blaming him for not being good enough is like blaming Shepherd for being picked. God apparently loves triers, so he must adore this pair. (Mind, who’s on the backpost losing his man? Why, it’s Captain Marvel himself, but I can forgive him this one. You expect your keeper to be able to CATCH a ball...don’t you?)

We settle back, expecting Stockport to run riot now. They need a win to make sure of a play-off place (having been turned over at home to relegated Port Vale midweek) while we have nothing to play for, beyond new contracts for those facing unemployment in the summer (MdG, O’Connell and Phillips of those on display). But Cleary is showing glimmers of what he was before February; a winger who can beat a player and put a ball in. We may get something yet.

And so it is we equalize. Phillips has already had a header saved when he flicks another one goalwards from a Connell free kick. The keeper pulls off an absolute WORLDY, but is slow to get up as O’Keeffe hooks the rebound back across goal for Adam to head in on the goalline. 10 minutes later, Phillips’ reward for being the most likely to score (indeed, for being the one to score) is to be hooked. A good chance to see sub Lennon on the wing. Or getting lost in the middle (cheers, Conor).

We go behind on 71 to one of the most bizarre decisions of a season of bizarre decisions. O’Connell clearly tackles their guy. It’s not even in dispute. The ball trickles towards the wing. Their guy goes down and I’m not even sure why. I am as perplexed as anybody when the ref points to the spot. As is my Blunt mate, who expresses his surprise in greater vocality than I. I’m just dumbfounded. Maybe I’d open my mouth if there was something riding on it, but I’m just in shock. Who cares? It makes no difference to our season. 1-2. For all the penalties awarded against us this season, have we saved one?

Thereafter, Coach Conor sends on Marc Roberts to save the game. Or give us his last hurrah. There is no ‘we all dream of a team of Marc Roberts’. A pity, as this is our 2nd funniest chant after Luca Connell ‘putting on a show’ (where’s that disappeared to?) MdG is pulled. Goodbye Mael. I don’t suppose we’ll give you another contract, not that you’d want one. I liked you, even if plenty found in you a scapegoat. (Still, difficult to blame him when he wasn’t playing!) Farrell is also on for Bradshaw; like Roberts, another player who’ll be fondly remembered only for his 1st stint with us.

The changes make no difference, so off go the Undynamic Duo (Connell and Bland) with Nwakali and Banks coming on. I’ve no idea what the formation is, but we put everyone in their half, so when Nwakali loses the ball in injury time, their player is clean through from his own territory. And while it’s cruel to compare Flavell to the likes of Luke Steele, the one thing I can say about the latter is that he always saved one-on-ones. Flavell doesn’t, and he doesn’t. 1-3. Thank goodness that’s all over.

Anyway, goodbye to this team. If you need a reason to be cheerful, we’ll never see this line up again (4-2-3-1):

Flavell O’Keeffe MdG O’Connell Earl Connell Bland Phillips Kelly Cleary Bradshaw

Onwards and upwards!

*** Cleary. Beat players, whipped in crosses. Hopefully will tempt clubs into dangling a few mill our way.
** Kelly. Not his strongest game, but he’s that far ahead of what we have...Patrick, it’s been a pleasure seeing you develop, put your all into every game, having some personal and professional pride in every appearance while attempting to drag the team up by the scruff of its neck. I also apologise that you’ve had to bear such responsibility on your young shoulders. I can only wish you well in your career development and hope you do your new club proud, whoever it might be. So long, and thanks for all the fish. But if you’re still with us in September, you need a new agent. (Note to BFC: don’t sell him cheap.)
* Phillips. Scored. Nobody else did (for us).

Official MOTM: Kelly

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Cleary 2= Kelly / MdG / Phillips

Despatches:
I see we gave McGoldrick the POTY trophy. Not bad for 3 months off, plus another month at the end. Nice to see it being awarded at some exec function, midweek, too. Must make an extra few hundred quid out of it, rather than have it unveiled pre-match in front of the whole crowd. The club are always on the lookout for ideas of how to get fans to Oakwell early, in the hope they buy an extra pie. I can look back on the anticipation I used to feel with fondness.

In other moans, the club announce the game as all-ticket 2 days before the match. 2 days! Presumably this was a SYP directive, normally attuned to a capacity away end. Some of us DON’T actually hang on every word that comes out of Oakwell, so big thanks to whichever Londontyke informed me, cos it meant I had to buy a ticket for my mate. I realise we we wouldn’t have sold too many tickets on walk-up sales, but still.

And who next for our manager/head coach? Hugo Colace was in the crowd, but I can’t see it being him. You don’t go from Bangor City to Barnsley. (Mind, we gave Coach Conor the job, and he’d not managed ANYWHERE!) Of the runners and riders, I’d accept a Staniel Dendal back. Correct, he couldn’t defend either, but that was in a division higher than this. Though admittedly, it’s gonna be a mammoth task given the players we currently have. But one has to be optimistic. We’re shipping out a lot of chaff (while keeping plenty more). A new manager...ANY new manager...can only improve on this season...can’t they?

See you in August.

Drink du jour: Beartown Inception in Spiral.

Away: 2,609 (12,940). And South Yorkshire’s finest made it all ticket...for this?

The Damage:
£8 petrol
£4 prog
£31 replica shirt
= £43

One more thing. Official POTY was McGoldrick (despite having 3 months off). Londontykes POTY was the supreme Patrick Kelly (2nd Cleary, 3rd McG). Not everyone let us down this season.

BFC 1-1 Stockport County, Saturday 28th September 2024

‘Sky TV is f***ing s***, Sky TV is f***ing s***’

I don’t know what the fuss is all about, this ‘playing on a Satdy nite’ thing. I mean, obviously it’s s***. We all want to be home watching Strictly/Michael McIntyre/X-Pop Voice Factor…but it certainly improves the atmosphere at Oakwell, as all day drinking kicks in and the Ponty makes some noise. Quite whether viewers at home heard this, I know not, as surely Sky turned the mics down as they became the target. Satdy nite. Satdy f***ing nite. The town centre is a-buzz with cavorting crowds and the loyal faithful are forced to trudge to Oakwell to witness THIS.

Still, it starts well. We get an early penalty as DKD makes a dazzling run into the area before being chopped. Phillips steps up and for once misses the stand. You Reds! For ten minutes we look a decent outfit and create…nothing. Stockport slowly get to grips with the task and slowly, but surely, become the better team. We creep in at half-time with an undeserved lead, as Slonina keeps out a clean through Hatter, as well as the rebound. On the assumption we only play one good half, we’ve got this. I look forward to us clicking in the second half, and us running away with this game. Or b), I’ll settle for one-nil. I’ll settle for one-nil.

The second half is shambolic. Did we have a kick? I’m told the Hatters averaged 85% possession for great swathes of the second half. (Mind, if you take a small enough sample, it’s 100%, innit?) I do know this. Once the manager hauled off Craig, DKD and Humphreys before the hour, for Benson, Marsh and Cosgrove, we were lost. On paper, the subs made sense. I was bemoaning a bit of movement and pace in attack, so Marsh ticks that box. So we didn’t pass to him once. Not once. Benson had a couple of good touches – on the halfway line. And Cosgrove? Within seconds the ref gave a free kick against him. I haven’t read the rules (‘laws of the game’) in a while, but I’ve missed this one: Should a defender go to ground in a tussle with Cosgrove, it’s a free kick against Cosgrove. Should Cosgrove go down in a tussle with a defender, it’s a free kick to the defender. (One exception, as we got a free kick wide on the halfway line).

Anyway, from that moment, it was all Stockkport, save for one break where Earl ignored the overlap (who’d have been clean through) to have a shot himself (blocked) and a rebound (blocked). That’s 3 times thus far this season I’ve seen us ignore the easy ball to the overlapping wide player (the other 2 were Luca). I presume they practice this move (not the ignoring bit, but you know what I mean). I know we’re 3rd division, but still.

But this was one attack. They had dozens. Basically, every time the ball crossed the halfway line, they picked it up and came at us again. Nobody in a red shirt could keep hold of the ball, or pass it to another red, and we retreated further and further toward our own penalty area. In the end, it was lucky we didn’t concede earlier, as if we had, they could have got 3 or 4. As it was, with the finish line in sight (1st minute of 6 minutes injury time) they are camped around our box. One shot’s blocked, but the rebound is put away. We have no complaints.

Except we do. A la Burton last week, we’re not interested in playing till the opposition equalise, and in the last minute we actually have a...what do you call them? Oh yes, an ATTACK. The ball is played across goal and sub Lofthouse has a tap-in…till he’s cleaned out by a defender who’s found himself the wrong side of the ball. I had a perfect view from the Corner Stand and the reaction of the defender says it all. He’s face down, praying the ref won’t give it. He doesn’t. Of course he doesn’t.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Cotter. I’ll say this. When he went off, we were winning.
** Craig. OK, gave it away a couple of times, but he was usually the reason we had the ball in the first place. We never had it once he’d gone off.
* Slonina. Didn’t put a foot wrong, and saved a one-on-one (twice).

Official MOTM: Cotter

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Cotter 2. Roberts 3. Earl

Despatches:
For a change, the PA’s usual mid-match appeal to the crowd not to chant anything racist, sexist, religionist, etc is responded to with a full-on ‘f*** the Pope and the IRA’. All-day drinking, eh? A decent rendition of ‘red suspenders’ too (I hope Nice Guy Chris heard)...She...WORE, she WORE...’

Full marks too for BFC, offering anyone who saw our Old Trafford surrender a free ticket. While this didn’t directly benefit season ticket holders (some of whom you KNOW will moan about it), it meant we could bring a lamb to the slaughter mate to the feast. (sadly, I’m one of those people who doesn’t know ANYONE who’d even want to watch the Super Reds for free.) Thus, the crowd figure was boosted by up to 2,000. Will they be back? At Edgeley Park, maybe.

The players? Cotter was MOTM again. I concur. I thought Earl was alright, bar ignoring that overlap. O’Keefe was...well, he was a right wing back playing left back, before getting 15 minutes in his rightful position. (I thought we’d be rid of this disease when we shipped out Jordan Williams. Just play players in their rightful positions, or don’t play them at all.) Playing O’Keefe, or Earl, down the left means we have virtually nothing going forward down that wing, increasing the pressure and workload for Cotter on the right. Sadly, Cotter broke down again, but so would I if I had to do EVERYTHING in this sorry team. Why’s our right back our most dangerous player? Game after game after game. Of course, he still lets us know he’s Barry Cotter with the odd silly error. Hopefully just enough to put Real Madrid off come January, (Note: our goal came from O’Keefe playing a ball across to DKD for the pen. So I’m talking about the OTHER 88 minutes.)

Roberts finally did what we signed him for, heading balls away, while De Givigny...De Givigny. Who does he think he is? Maradona? John Stones? Listen, Mael, once you’ve beaten ONE player, GET RID. You are simply not good enough to be rounding player after player before losing it. Oops, he just has done. Still, it makes a change for Roberts (or even Pines) not to be the liability at the heart of our defence.

The midfield? Jesus. Outside of Craig, what was there? DKD is going backwards, possibly literally. 2 or 3 times he was in a race to the ball, several yards headstart, and didn’t get it. We already have players who can do that. Phillips? The Invisible Man? He possibly challenged sub Aidan Marsh for least touches of the ball. What does he do? Where does he go during the match? Then there’s Luca, who, Once Upon a Time, was a damn fine player at this level. Watching him ‘putting on a show’ is painful. I’d love to say the captaincy is affecting his game, but he was the same last season. Occasional flashes of skill inbetween the game passing him by.

The forward line? Double Jesus. What’s worse than a Humphreys? A Cosgrove? And what’s worse than a Cosgrove? A Marsh? Don’t forget we still have Watters to come back, as well as Noble-Lazarus Mk II.

Oh, and Lofthouse. Came on for the last 10 and played...centre midfield? #10? A player who’s impressed most in cameos as left wing back. Now, if only left wing back was a problem position...

Drink du jour: Schneiderweisse at the Penistone Tap*, Paulaner at Spiral City.

*Nozzer and I went to see Penistone Church in the afternoon. Another great reason for Satdy nite Sky football!

Away: 2,378. Tremendous.

The Damage:
c.£8 petrol
= c.£8

Due to injuries and suspension, Nozzer and I were the grateful guests of Gally in the exec box. Cheers Gally!