Bristol Rovers 3-1 BFC, Saturday 18th January 2025

‘It’s like a competition this...build your best stand.’

I’ve been really impressed with the manager over our 4 game winning sequence. With injuries to ‘key defenders’ (!) Coach Clarke has had to jiggle around the side following the Orient stuffing with the result that we’ve won 4 in a row, including 2 tough fixtures against Wrexham and Bolton. So it comes as great disappointment that as soon as Earl and Roberts are fit, he sticks them straight back in the team. Result? We concede 3 and lose the match. Personally, I’ve enjoyed seeing McCarthy’s resurrection and like seeing a defender who can actually control a ball (as opposed to Roberts and Pines). Earl? Well, he’s not rubbish, but the best I’ve seen him was in his first month with us. Otherwise, he’s not all that. I had to laugh as Clarke, interviewed in the Yorkshire Post, claimed we had ‘5 top class centre halves’ (as he was pondering who to drop, now they’re all fit.)

We also have a glut of top class midfielders too (says Darrell) so obviously, with Connell, Phillips and DKD all fit, he reverts back to dropping Nwakali to the bench despite all and sundry thinking he’s our best midfielder. So, basically, Clarke’s learnt NOWT over the course of the season, and just picks the same 1st team he did when we were losing as many as we were winning, rather than looking at what changed during our recent 4 match winning run. He didn’t mention the forward line.

The forward line. My God. We could have had 7 or 8. Watters alone accounted for 4 of these misses. Clean through twice, 1st half, at least he forced the keeper into saves. 2nd half, he drags one wide, but his coup de grace is an unbelievable miss from 4 yards where he FLICKS it with the outside of his foot, up and over. It was virtually impossible to clear the bar from that range. Indeed, had the chance been at the far end, I’d have questioned my eyesight. He’s rubbish. (Actually, if he’d never found himself in goalscoring positions, I’d be tempted to say he had a decent game. I know, makes no sense. Like playing Watters.) TV replays later show he’s also the reason Connell’s 20 yard volley is disallowed…the clutz wandering into an offside position as he decides to stand next to the goalkeeper for reasons not altogether clear.

Still, despite our apparent domination, Kilip pulls off a worldy, tipping over a screamer headed for the top corner. However, determined not to go in goalless, we stand around watching a Gas cross hit the bar, then stand around watching the return cross, as a Rover does what it says on his tin and MOVES to the ball which drops invitingly between Roberts and MdG. Bullet header, one nil.

Second half continues as before. We are all over these. Watters completely misses a cross. Humphreys heads wide from 2 yards. Phillips has a shot saved and Russell falls over the rebound. But don’t worry, Connell’s about to give the ball away and leave them clean through, though Rovers intelligently square the ball for a tap-in rather than shoot and risk missing. Connell lasts 3 more minutes before he’s hauled for Nwakali, 55 minutes too late.

Still, Earl pulls one back, a header from a free kick, and there’s 20 minutes left. We can still win this. Watters is clean through…and pokes it wide. He’s useless. Then the aimless flick over the bar. He’s useless. Rovers break, O’Keefe is done on his inside and another low cross is sidefooted in. Simples. We have lost a game 3-1 that we have dominated from start to finish. 58% possession, 25 shots (9 on target). Not that I entirely trust the BBC’s stats. Number of ‘one-on-one chances’? One. Eh?

Onwards and upwards!

*** DKD. Good touches and brought 2 good saves out of their keeper, 1st half.
** Phillips. Along with DKD, combined well in our attacks.
* Nwakali. He’s just a joy to watch. Maybe I should go and see the reserves?

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Earl 2= Phillips / DKD

Despatches:
XG. Expected goals. Howthehell is this worked out? My Johnny-on-the-Spot Farnham says our XG today was 2.58. Does it take into account Max Watters is on the end of most of our chances? And are we the only team in the Marvel universe to have a lower AG (Actual Goals) than XG?

Anyway, nevermind the football, I had a great day. Reedy loves a bit of Bristol (as opposed to ‘Bristols’) so we treated ourselves to the train. You’ll be unsurprised to learn our return was an hour late, thereby causing us to miss the last train from Sheff to civilisation. However, we got a (free) taxi to Andy’s mum’s, and lateness of the train allowed us to go back to the bar for another pint. So it’s not all bad. Oh, and respect to the Rovers fans I chatted to in the pub after the game…they were all speechless as to how they won, but thought we took it well. ‘We’re used to it.’ My Spurs supporting mate was also impressed at how many Reds fans stayed when the game was lost. Don’t let him see a home game.

Drink du jour: Leffe on the train, Wonderland Hazy IPA in The Full Moon (very nice), Tacoma American Pale (not very nice, more like bitter) and something slightly more drinkable (only slightly) at a craft ale place with beer from barrels. The kind of place I’d have expected better. Neck Oil and Gamma Ray in The Sidings. And Brewdog Hazy Jane for the journey back.

Away: c.750. Full, as far as I could see. I was annoyed they didn’t give us the usual terrace, but it was a good atmosphere.

The Damage:
£25 ent
£41 train
£8 petrol
= £74

BFC 2-1 Bristol Rovers, Saturday 7th September 2024

‘But your mum won’t be as big a fan of women’s vaginas as we are.’

One unintended consequence of this season’s home shirt, with its 21 silly stars doted around the top of it, is that every time I look down, I think I’ve got crumbs all over my shirt. Even when I know the stars are there, I still fall for it. Is it just me?

You missed a treat, Satdy. In that first half we were FABULOUS. So obviously, we went in at one-all, despite absolutely dominating, and ripping them apart time and again. It helps that a) we don’t have a centre forward and b) our defence can balls one up at the drop of a hat. Their goal was comical, as a harmless looking flick-on was heading to Slonina. MdG left it, Pines thought he’d intervene, then didn’t...then maybe did...and the ball was past Slonina, leaving their centre forward with an empty net to tap into. We’d created chance after chance but we save our best one for them.

That we looked so good going forward was down to my new Favourite Player, this bloke with the double-barrelled (isn’t it great that ‘double barrelled’ is double barrelled?) name from Mansfield. He looks a class act. And he managed in 11 minutes what centre forward Cosgrove hasn’t managed all season. Score a goal. A throughball is delightfully flicked on by Connell to send Keilor Davis-Dunn...or is it Davis Keilor-Dunn? Keilor Dunn-Davis?...clean through and he has the composure and wherewithal to calmly stroke it home.

Together with his movement and passing, he looks some player. There was a moment second half when he superbly controlled a ball that was in the air behind him into his path without breaking stride. (Benson tried, and failed, the same thing later.) He already looks the future. I knew we couldn’t go the season with Cosgrove and Watters up top, so Watters’ injury has provided a handy inroad. (Of course, based on form and goals thus far, Cosgrove is in greater danger of the chop.)

Yet, for all our pressure first half, Rovers miss an unbelievable opportunity to take the lead early second half as O’Keefe (haplessly on at HT for the hapless Pines) unfathomably heads the ball back into his own 6 yard area for them to head it straight at Slonina. This will no doubt be forgotten about as people focus on their goal. We have 80% of the game and gift them the best two chances of the match.

Thankfully, it’s all to no avail, as Cotter bursts past the left back and clips the ball in for Phillips to run in and head. Just like he did last season. The kind of goals our centre forward(s) should be scoring. In comparison, Cosgrove’s best (worst?) effort came 1st half, as he completely missed the ball, 10 yards out, from a pull back. To be fair to him, why would he expect a Barnsley player to find him, free, in the penalty area, with a simple pull back?

Coach...Christ, I still can’t remember his name. Darrell something-or-other (triple-barelled!) is either extremely confident, or Phillips is injured…he’s hauled after scoring before the opposition even kick-off. On comes Benson (remember him?), the modern-day Phil Gridelet. Cost a fortune, full of promise, made of glass. He looked alright actually. Full of promise. He’ll be out for the season within a fortnight.

Onwards and upwards!

*** DKD. KDD. DDK. Anyway, him. It’s a photo finish between him and Cotter (and the FLP gave it to Cotter) but for having such an influential debut, I’m going with our new signing. What a player!
** Cotter. POTY. Who is this bloke? Will the real Barry Cotter please stand up (please stand up)? Well, he did in the first half, as he let a ball under his feet. I KNEW that was Barry. For a month I’d been thinking he’d been taken over by Josimar.
* Connell. Some great link-up play with DKD. WKD. ACDC. BBC.

Official MOTM: The new bloke.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Keilor-Dunn 2. Cotter 3. Craig

Despatches:
Taking into account the away contingent (and there never looked as many as 337 of them) there were less than 9,000 Reds fans there on Satdy. Given the figure includes ST holders who didn’t rock up, this is very worrying. Is it a direct result of the new Sky deal? Anyone with a new Sky box could have watched today’s game from the comfort of their sofa, despite the 3pm Satdy kick-off. (This had passed me by.) I wondered how Sky was going to get us on their screens 20 times this season, as per the agreement.

Surely this will result in a downward spiral in terms of attendances? Not just this season, but future seasons. Home matches being switched to Friday nite (Mansfield), Monday nite (Rovrum) and Satdy nite (Stockport) which some fans can’t get to. Matches shown on a Satdy afternoon when the weather turns (it turned today, from half 4 onwards Barnsley was covered in drizzle). We’ll have 7,000 season ticket holders next season, 6,000 the year after...oldies will start dying, there’ll be few New Kids on the Block, we’ll go down to 5,000...by which time the rest of us are thinking how miserable it is rattling around a barely 20% full Oakwell, we go down to 4,000...by which time the Sky deal is over, Oakwell is empty, there’s no TV money and The World Has Ended. But that’s me being optimistic.

*I’ve now seen the official attendance as 11,196, so 10,800 home fans. But that’s NOT what was said Satdy.

Regarding defensive misunderstandings between keeper and centre halves, we’ve now had 3 of these in a year (MdG and Roberts in a game last year, OG, MDG and Slonina at Lincoln, cleared off line). These should happen once every few years, so something’s not quite right. The head coach has changed too, so there’s no constant...or is there? Maybe it’s just one of those things that we’ve had a relative rash of them. Talking of centre halves though, I did enjoy one bloke’s comment on social media that MdG is unsteady in possession. It’s like he’s never SEEN Pines and Marc Roberts (and Earl). It comes to something when I can’t be bothered to argue with somebody…

Oh, and we’re now 3rd. Bottom of the table a month ago, at this rate we’ll be half way up the Premiership before Christmas and winning the Champions League by May. I can get used to this.

Drink du jour: Paulaner Weissbier (cans of) in Spiral City. Word from behind the bar is that Brewdog Wingman will be here for a while as they’ve given Spiral a terrific offer.

Away: 337. Really?

The Damage:
c. £8 petrol
= c. £8

BFC 2-1 Bristol Rovers, Saturday 13th January 2024

‘He’s a rapist. Nice kid though.’

I was chatting to a nameless Londontyke on Satdy. The omission of Luca Connell from our matchday squad started rumours amongst the chattering class that he was off to Huddersfield. (Why Huddersfield?) He was one of 3 players my colleague considered Championship class...'two of whom aren’t ours!’ I agreed. We have 3 players ready to make the step up, and 2 are on loan, Roberts and McAtee. The latter had a starring role on Satdy and was involved in most things good about our performance, whether floating around in a front 2 with Cole, or dropping back to a #10 role with Cosgrove introduced to finish the opposition off...which worked a treat, as Rovers equalised. Thankfully, the team recovered to run up the field and grab a winner through an inconsistent wingback. Fancy!

It was actually an open game, or at least the opening 45 was. Both sides looked to score and defences were pretty stretched at times. Our other loanee, Roberts, came to the rescue twice, saving one-on-ones, including an injury time effort after the Bury Baggio let the ball run needlessly under his foot. If their equaliser later (a blinding header) ‘doesn’t happen with this guy’ (new signing, 6ft 5 Donovan Pines), then that chance doesn’t happen if the manager picks Cadden at left wing back. (Out of interest, can anyone contradict my assertion that Cadden put in more crosses in 5 minutes than Styles did in 90?)

We’d also had chances of our own. Kane is free on the left and squares it instead of shooting; Shepherd (in for McCart) has a powerful header from a corner saved, and there’s an extraordinary scramble which somehow doesn’t end up with the ball in the back of the net. So it’s left to Goal King Cole to slide home after his initial header, a bullet into the top corner, is superbly saved. Unfortunately for the keeper, he pushes it onto the post and the ball rolls along the line. And had Cole not been there, a 2nd Red was there to finish (Phillips? McAtee?)

The second half wasn’t so bright, until coach Collins intervenes. He sends on Cosgrove and within minutes they’re level. Thankfully, it’s early enough for us to do something about it and we win it from a surprising source, Phillips playing in wingback O’Keefe on the overlap. And while everyone wonders which forward he’ll not pick out, he drills it into the far corner. Lovely. Are we top 2 yet?

Onwards and upwards!

*** McAtee. Lovely movement and vision.
** Roberts. Excellent saves and nothing much he could do about the goal.
* Cole. Good finish and some nice touches.

Official MOTM: McAtee

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. McAtee 2. Phillips 3. Cole

Despatches:
Good news! I won’t have to continue to be peed off at 12 million being wasted on that new bridge! Why? Cos it’s now costing THIRTEEN MILLION, with extra funding promised to ‘finish it off’. Give me a decent amount of explosive and I’LL finish it off.

Jon Russell. What’s he for? Stepped in for Connell, Satdy. Let’s hope it’s not permanent, Has there ever been a slower footballer? Not so much of a problem when he’s laying it off to others, but it is when he misplaces a pass and they are 10 yards behind him before he’s turned. Half a dozen others made careless passes in our half (a Cole backheel springs to mind) which turned into their best attacks. Mind, when Luke Thomas (is he still young?) is your greatest threat, you can rest easy. Still promised much and delivered little, before he was hauled. The more things change, the more they remain the same, etc.

Drink du jour: House Party IPA in Spiral City

Away: 512.

The Damage:
c.£8 petrol
= c.£8

Bristol Rovers 2-1 BFC, Saturday 4th May 2019

‘We’ve got Adam Davies….and Magic Mamadouuuuu!’

Welcome to...the League 1 promotion party!!!  'We've got Daniel Stendel...'

What a season it’s been.  Unbeaten at home (first time in my lifetime), crushing away victories and promotion clinched in midweek without even playing.  The football has been amazing at times (most of the times) with Stendel’s high press and slick breaks destroying lesser mortals.  And the away trips have been second to none.  Where haven’t I enjoyed visiting?  Wycombe, Shrewsbury, Burton, Luton, Southend…etc etc  A far better away day than these metropoli (sp?) of Brum, Wolverhampton, Leeds, Sheffield et al.  And we end it with one of the best, a first ever trip to the Memorial Stadium, the former home of Bristol rugby club.  And in a neat parallel, this place has as many stands (7) as the old Manor Ground, Oxford, where we last celebrated promotion without needing a result on the day.  It was a party from start to finish, though at least Reedy made the match this time…

Welcome to ....

It was though a long day.  With a 5:30 kick off we were in the Brewdog by midday (for our 25% off – cheers Loko!) before traipsing up Gloucester Road for a pub crawl.  I can’t remember the names of the pubs, but I do remember Pompey getting agitated at Reedy for bypassing one when we’d already been walking for 10 minutes (10 minutes!) just so’s we could get a pint of a lesser spotted craft ankle-biter, or whatever, half a mile further on.  (Ian: have you seen that latest Fosters ad?  Right up your street!)  The boys done good tho.  Not only did we walk all the way to the ground, we made it for kick-off.  Military discipline.  Bob would be proud.

Gloucester Road.  Where trees walk down streets.

Most of us were on the away terrace, though Nice Guy Chris and Nice Lass Jane were in the seats behind the goal, Lynne and Anton high up in the East Stand and the others in the home terrace.  But I doubt there was bother, as Rovers fans all day wished us well next season (and hoped we beat Brizzle City).  I got separated from the rest (it’s called nipping into the chippy) and with the terrace packed, stood past the corner flag 1st half.  S*** view, but I had the pleasure of blokes in knock-off lederhosen singing to their heart’s content.  (On a lederhosen note, Hicksy excelled himself, wearing the genuine article, resplendent in hat too.)

A village in Bavaria is missing an idiot.

We went ahead, I believe.  Looked like a game of head tennis with Moore finishing it.  Cruise control now.  Only, in a game of not very much, Lindsay ensured we wouldn’t have a centre half for next season’s Championship opener by getting himself sent off for a 2^nd yellow.  Rank stupidity.  It was bad enough he’d given their bloke the ball, without pulling him back in a match whose result didn’t matter.  Still, he’s a footballer and not paid to think.  This was before half time and Rovers went on to nick it with 2 goals on the back post where they had numbers and we didn’t.  Ho hum, who cares???

We're going up!  We're going up!

Yes, Rovers' last minute winner was the queue for Reds fans to start jumping around and really getting the party underway.  And while Rovers slinked off at full-time, the Super Reds came back out to take their acclaim.  How long were we there?  Half an hour?  Nice touch too, as the players celebrated in front of us, Stendal went behind the goal to show his gratitude to those in the seats.  And was that a member of Mossad or Nice Guy Chris who I saw straining through the crowd to shake The Great One’s hand?  He’ll never wash that hand again (Stendel, that is.)

The team celebrate.

Then it was over.  Another season gone, just like that.  It could go on forever, for me.  What a contrast from last season.  Where is The Fool (AKA Morais) these days?  If we can keep most of this team…and most importantly, Stendel, I have no fears about staying up next season.  It’s just a question of how high?

Onwards and upwards!  YOUUUUUUUUU REDSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Best wishes from the Rovers' club shop.

Despatches:
Truth is, I can’t remember anyone’s performance save for Pinnock looking magnificent and unflustered throughout.  It was good to see Cavare come on though.  Even if him and Stendel have fallen out, he has played 40+ games this season and deserves to be part of the celebrations.  Brown too, getting a rousing reception from the fans ‘His name is Jacob Brown and he’s f***ing dynamite.’  Shame he didn’t go all John Terry full-kit wan*er though.  
Roll on the summer.  Roll on next season. 

Did my grandfathers fight in a war for THIS?  (No: They were coalminers.)

*** Pinnock.  I’ll miss him when he’s gone. 

** Mowatt.  Surely the Championship will suit him even more?

* McGeehan.  To hell with it.  In the spirit of Bob, I’m just voting for my favourite players.

WE’VE GOT DANIEL STENDEL.....WE’LL PLAY IT FROM THE BACK.....KIEFER MOORE AND WOODROW.....WITH PINNOCK AT THE BACK....MOWATT AND MCGEEHAN, DIMI CAVARE TOO....SKIPPER ADAM DAVIES….AND MAGIC MAMADOUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALLEZ ALLEZ ALLEZ...!!!

Drink du jour: Dead Pony Club IPA, Maltsmiths IPA, Brooklyn, Pravda, Old Rosie, Leffe, Erdinger.  In that order.

Away: 1100 plus however many were in the home end.

The Damage:

£32 train

£18 ent

£3 prog

= £53

The Tunes:

Fabric 84 (Mathew Jonson)

Fabric 19 (Andrew Weatherall)

Memorial Ground panorama

Reds fans celebrate on the bus back to town.

Outside the Rovers' turnstiles.

Reds fans heading south...

The view from the car park.

Pre-match warm-ups.

Is that ANOTHER stand?

Kes flies the flag for Barnsley.

The West Stand.  Bit posh.

The Artist Formerly Known As a scoreboard.

The towering East Stand.

That can't be permanent...

Goodbye Bristol Rovers...hello City.

Stendel waves goodbye.  Job done.