Charlton Athletic 1-0 BFC, Tuesday 4th March 2025

‘Christopher, you need to up your game.’

I heard we played at Charlton the other nite. I think I was there, but I don’t remember much of it. I remember having 3 delicious pints in SALT, pre-match. I remember a decent turnout, which included Lord S’s cousin, and Wadd’s old nurse mate Olly. I remember staying up till 2am with Nice Guy Chris. (Drink was taken.) The match? Barely anything happened, did it?

Granted, we lost. In a sh*t or bust game, the Super Reds passion for victory barely registered. Did we have an attack? Connell had a 20 yarder wot skewed wide, but otherwise...? Chorlton didn’t have much either, though they did force Smith into a couple of good diving saves. Sadly, he’d already conceded a soft effort, a free kick wot seemed to squirm through him. I can see why he’s been rejected for, variously, Slonina, Kilip and Gauci. What I can’t see is why we paid a reputed £200k for him. Did Chorlton hit the post as well? I have a vague recollection.

Truth be told, I didn’t see much of the game, spending most of it turning around to chat rubbish. Problem was, whenever I faced the pitch, nothing happened. Indeed, we were 68 minutes in before I realised (actually, before someone pointed it out) that we’d made a bunch of subs. It didn’t matter (the subs, I mean) as the game limped to a conclusion in the same way it had limped throughout.

So there it is, the season ending with a whimper, not a bang. We shuffled out with much the same apathy as the players.

Onwards and upwards!

*** No-one. An early dribble from DKD, a shot (wide) from Connell? It’s not good enough.
** No-one. Him again.
* No-one. The hattrick!

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Roberts 2. DKD 3= Connell

Despatches:
We peaked early with that SALT place in Deptford. Perfect. I’m looking forward to Chorlton away next season already (tho Jude tells me we’re now 6 from 6...6 defeats in a row). I hadn’t realised our Valley form, such as it ever was, has completely dropped off a cliff.

XG? 0.74 v 0.38. Sounds like I didn’t miss much.

Drink du jour: SALT Huck A Back NEIPA. Beautiful. Then Chris’s red wine stash.

Away: c.300

The Damage:
£50.10 train
£25 ent
= £75.10

Charlton Athletic 2-0 BFC, Saturday 14th January 2023

‘We were alright…till kick-off.’

After a day of drinking…and 2 days of recovering, I can finally face putting fingers to keyboard. £7.20. Seven pounds twenty pence. The cost of my first beer in that there capital city in nearly 3 years. Yes, I understand there’s a crisis in the hospitality industry (cos Loko keeps telling me so) but I didn’t realise I had to solve it single-handedly. Seven hundred and twenty pence. For a beer. And even then I/we get criticised for not having the ‘sense’ to open a tab and wait for our Brewdog Knight in Shining Armour to get us our 25% off. But we did get a bowling alley to amuse ourselves, interrupt conversations and get us mingling. And I don’t mind admitting….Mummy Brewdog (Alison) won. All hail the champ!

In defence of Brewdog, and it’s Palace of Waterloo (it’s biggest yet), beers in London Bridge later were seven quid a pop too. God, I’ve missed London. Reassuringly expensive, as Stella Artois used to claim. And if you drink enough, you can forget all about the latest Reds’ effort….running the show against Chorlton (23 shots to 8) and somehow succumbing 0-2. But if you can’t shoot…of these 23 efforts we had TWO on target. 2 out of 23. That’s less than 1 in 10, less than 10%. These are professional footballers. Not only are they the cream of the crop, they also get to practice 5 days a week. Talent, practice…and a woeful inability to kick a ball at a target 24ft x 8ft, or approximately the size of a barn door.

Mind, I don’t remember too many out and out chances. The one I DO remember, which still annoys the hell out of me, was Cadden hitting the bar with a free header just before half-time. He must have had a clear view of the ball for 30 yards, yet still couldn’t head it on target from about 6 yards. Benson hit the bar too, from outside the box. The rest of our efforts appeared to be players lacking sense and skill, leaning backwards attempting 20 yard half volleys. No-one in particular either, I think they all took a turn finding the crowd. Oh, I nearly forgot. One sweet one touch move ended with a side-footed effort into the bottom corner of….Cole. Possibly the only time he had the ball in their box, given his propensity to be invisible. Cheers, Devante.

Otherwise, we played some super stuff, pass and moves leaving Chorlton stranded as we continually found space out wide for balls to be pulled back…to their centre halves. Time and time again. Given the practice we must have put in for the original move, it seems a little remiss that Cole, or Norwood, or anyone else purporting to be a forward, can’t run into the pre-ordained space to slot it home. That’s what Man City do. Our forwards? Too busy hiding behind defenders, or standing in areas the ball will never reach. Just MAKE A F***ING RUN to the near post, will you!? We have carved them open AGAIN and yet we have NO-ONE in space. Or, if they are in space, it’s somewhere the other side of the box. Never did we look like scoring.

I think they scored with their first attack. Mads backed off and their player got his head down and drove it in at Collins’ near post. In Mads’ defence, I think he was trying to cover the pass (they were 3 on 2), while Collins was expecting the usual shot to the far post. But my main thought was ‘why doesn’t Cole do that? Why doesn’t Cole just run at the defender and get a shot off?. Cos it looks easy to me…if you’ve got pace, and can control a ball, while running. Oh.’ Their second, on the hour, we seemed to switch off. Their forward turned, shot, and we stood still as it hit the post…and ran across goal for a tap-in. OK, they got lucky, it dropped nice….while every bobble in their box went to their centre halves….but we can’t keep blaming bad luck. We have forwards who have no idea what anticipation is. Thus, all our lovely work outside the box goes to waste.

Onwards and upwards!

Top 3: Honestly, I couldn’t choose any. Not cos we were rubbish, just that so many were involved in our intricate passing moves. But I can’t give it to the defence…nothing to do and conceded two (I’m a poet and I don’t know it) while the forwards had plenty of ball in their box to feast on, and feast on they didn’t. Which probably leaves Kane (who got hauled on 64), Connell (who I didn’t think reached the heights of late) and Phillips (who someone had a right rant at me about how s*** he is….but I can’t remember who was doing the ranting….Loko? Anyway, suffice to say, I still haven’t seen our 2nd top scorer score.) We are still in a good place positionally, comfortably ensconced in the play-offs, but it’ll not last forever. Not at this rate: 3 games played in 2023, 3 defeats, zero goals, 8 conceded.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Kitching 2. Jordan Williams 3. Kane

Despatches:
It was good to see Lord S, back from the almost dead, joining us pre-match. Hopefully, he’ll be back at the match soon. Pompey Ian graced us with his presence too, as Havant and Waterlooville’s game at Farnborough was called off. Stu was up from Witney, while all the usual faces were there. Shout out to A. Reed and his hotel, comfy bed, free beers and a literal punk alarm call. It’s never too early to hear the Slaughtered Dogs, or whatever band I’ve never heard of. Dunno what time we got to bed, but I know I crawled out of Andy’s at 9am to get home at….5pm. Trains are not stopping in Durham (or Darlo) for 3 months at weekends, so I had to go to Newcastle, get a rail replacement bus to Durham…then bus to Ferryhill. ‘Up to one every 20 minutes’ the bus proclaims. Yeah – during the week. Sunday, it’s one an hour. And the next one is 55 minutes time. Welcome to the countryside.

Drink du jour: Hazy Jane, Lost in Guava, Leffe, Beavertown Neck Oil

Away: Just over 1,000.

Today’s take home: If you can’t shoot, you can’t score.

The Damage:
£63 travel
£23 ent
£3.50 programme
= £89.50

The Tunes:
London. People. Cars. Police sirens. The screeching of trains. Passenger service announcements. Moaning Barnsley fans. The hum of a busy pub.

Charlton Athletic 2-1 BFC, Saturday 1st February 2020

‘Reserved for Nigel and grandad at 1:15’

Welcome to ....

I love being spoilt for choice.  Was I angriest today at a) our 1^st half ineptitude b) the refereeing ‘performance’ or c) the gamesmanship/outright cheating of Charlton Athletic under (Dirty) Lee(ds) Bowyer.  Or d) the s*** pub I went to?  Yes, on the whole, I think the Addicks win by a nose, from the ref, as he was the one bloke who could have done something about it.  We saw all this last time we were at The Valley.  So how comes the man in black can’t see it?

Lions led by donkeys...or something.

Charlton, two up at half time, fell down 5 times in the first 20 minutes of the second half, looking for free kicks and treatment to hold up play.  It is the most INFURIATING thing, as your team is actively searching for a goal and all the opposition do is try to break up play illegally.  Of course, the ref bought the lot, even managing to book Chaplin for pointing out Chorlton’s tactics.  Funnily enough, this ruse stopped the moment the ref DIDN’T stop play for one of theirs being down, and you know what….said bloke jumped up and sprinted 50 yards to get into the action.  Charlton, under Lee Bowyer, simply try and CHEAT their way to victory.

A proper player.

At least the ref didn’t buy the so-bad-it-was-good dive in our box, arched back and all with nobody near him.  The ‘dive as an afterthought’ dive.  Did the ref book him?  Did the linesman call the ref back to issue the yellow?  Do bears s*** on Mars?  No, of course not.  Lyall Taylor got in on the act (for it was an act), goading the Reds fans behind the goal.  Listen, I’ve no qualms about that.  Let him.  He was so intent on winding us up he didn’t see his own corner had been taken at one point.  So why Jonesy is trying to report him to the stewards for incitement, I don’t know.  Fortunately, he’d already been beaten to it.  Later, I took amusement in counting aloud the number of seconds the keeper held the ball.  13 seconds was his best effort, 11 his worst.  Why is the 6 second rule simply NEVER enforced?  (The ref ‘had a word’ with the keeper in the 90^th minute and said keeper then took the best part of 30 seconds taking a deadball.  My Lord.)

No, it can't REALLY be called that...(yes it is).

A proper fight broke out in the stands, where stewards and our hoi polloi had a square-off, while Pompey Ian and Loko had a 20 minute row/discussion with the bloke behind on our transfer policy, or lack thereof.  Anyone would think we were losing for all the bad karma present.  Oh, yeah, we were.  Another ball into our box not won, another flick on, another static defence, another goal.  We have a new man in at centre half, Sollbauer (yeah, I looked it up.  SO?) and he blended in perfectly today.  He’s just as s*** as the rest.  Still, half-time is approaching, no worries.  So we concede another from a high cross into our box as our defenders SIMPLY CANNOT CLEAR A BALL.  When was the last time a centre half of ours headed a ball 20 odd yards from inside his own box?  Problies the season before last, come to think of it (and we went down then as well).  Charlton score from the loose ball.  The more games Diaby misses, the better he looks.

Charlton celebrate scoring.

I presume Strudel had a few things to say at half time, cos once we’d got to grips with Chorlton’s play antics, we absolutely murdered them.  We hit the post, the bar, had one cleared off the line, and Brown cleared the bar with the easiest of the lot.  That we lost was entirely of our own making, Halme also hitting the post off a rebound, 1^st half, when it looked easier to score.  At least we still have  Woodrow, who lashed the ball in from wide right past a startled keeper into the far corner.  Great hit, but reward for the 70 yard run upfield by Thomas.  Later, as the keeper reacted smartly to clear a Mads effort with his arm, Cauley hit the rebound too true, off the floor, then the bar.  He’s too good.  Anyone else would’ve skied it. 

Reds attack, 2nd half.

So, there it is.  I thought today was last chance saloon, not a game we could afford to lose, but we did.  We’re now 7 points off safety…but with 2 home games against Washday (on a bad run, but perennial bogey side) and Brum (useless), we could…could…bag 6 points.  We just need to find a centre half, any centre half.  There must be one somewhere…mustn’t there?  (Just don’t suggest to Loko that we get Paul McShane back.)

Onwards and upwards!

*** Thomas.  Ran at them all day.  If only he had a right foot…he wouldn’t be playing for us! 

** Woodrow.  Feed Cauley and he will score.  Some good forward passes from midfield too.

* Simoes.  Again looked promising when he came on in attack.

Londontykes' MOTM: TBA

You Reds!

Despatches:

Pre-match, I met up with fabled Oakwell historian Dave Wood in Plumstead to stare at a ‘field’ of concrete where Barnsley once upon a time played a few games at Woolwich Arsenal.  Apparently, one reason for them moving was cos some banking (which covered a pipe used for fecal matter) offered an excellent view of the pitch for free.  The banking is still there, nowadays offering a superb view of adjacent HMP Belmarsh.  I need to get out more.  Or less.  We then met up with Nice Guy Chris to peruse the Charlton Athletic museum, which certainly beat drinking craft ales in Deptford with the rest of the Londontykes (!)

One highlight tho was meeting Jonesy and his Pa outside the ground, midday, there to pick up their tickets off Loko, who was making a detour cos the Reds Box Office hadn’t bothered actually posting his/our match tickets out.  So you can imagine my mirth when I met Jonesy again at half 2, trying to pick the tickets up again.  Charlton couldn’t/wouldn’t reprint them till 1pm, valuable drinking time for Loko.  So one of them went back to the pub, the other went back to cook his family bacon sandwiches in Sidcup.  Everything that can go wrong, etc

The Valley in its full glory.

Woody, Chrissy and I decided to drink more locally – we walked to the Hope and Anchor on the Thames, 4.4 out of 5 on Google.  I cannot remember when I last went to such a s*** pub.  (Note to self: find a new word for s***.  This report is far too liberally sprinkled with this term.  But if one word summed up my day….)  To be fair, the pub looked the part, all traditional like, but the choice of beers was a bit poor.  So I pointed at some pumps and asked what was on them.  ‘Nothing.’  Ok.  I’ll…err….have an Estrella.  No you won’t, off.  Go on then, a fruit cider.  I’m getting desperate.  ‘Also off.  But I can add some blackcurrant to the ordinary cider’ said a barman without a hint of humour.  I passed on that, but took my pint of Aspinalls to an empty table…to find it was ‘booked from 1:15pm’, as were the other empty tables in there.  This is one of the scourges of modern society.  Booking tables in PUBS.  Worse, at about 10 past, our barman comes over and tells us the geezer is now in.  WELL, I COULD NOT GIVE A FLYING F***.  The piece of paper on the table says ‘1:15’ and I would love it, absolutely love it, if anyone came over wanting the table before then.  We supped up and were out by 1:14.  It still managed to get worse though, as I took Chris to the Rose of Denmark (only 4.3 on Google, meaning it’s even worse) but they wouldn’t let us in cos we were northern.  Fair enough.  Solace came in the chance to try out that fish and chip shop outside the ground and stand around for 45 minutes in the wind waiting for my ticket to arrive.  I felt sorry for the octogenarian serving.  Anaemic chips, no mushy peas.  Decent fish tho, I’ll give her that.

Pre-match chippy queue.

The players?
Radlinger came and caught everything (if by ‘everything’ I mean ‘nothing’.)  Oduor s*** himself (damn, that word again) every time he had possession and faced an opponent.  Jordan Williams chased back 60 yards to make one tackle.  Halme and Mads swapped positions at half time, with the result Halme looked a better centre half than Mads and Mads looked a half decent midfield player (I kid you not).  Chaplin and Brown ran around causing havoc 2^nd half, while Mowatt was strangely muted.  Probably sulking no-one bought him in January.

ps, did I mentioned I biked it today?  Not entirely on purpose, morning chores meant I'd miss my train from Peckham.  Still, only half an hour from The Valley to home.  There's one shining light on today.

Drink du jour: A lonely pint of cider.

Away: 1,084

The Damage:£12 ent (BOGOF on £24 tickets.  Well done Charlton!)
£3 prog
£2 fanzine
= £17

The Tunes:
Hippopotamus (Sparks)
Intro – the Gift Recordings (Pulp)
Claustrophobia (Scuba)
Con Todo El Mundo (Khruangbin)
Crystal Castles (Crystal Castles)

The Valley panorama.

Behind the 'Covered End'

League 1 play-off trophy in their museum.

It was nice to see something worthwhile today....

Good use of empty seats.

What used to be the biggest side of The Valley.

Woolwich Arsenal v Barnsley,  back in the day.

Charlton Athletic 2-0 BFC, Saturday 20th October 2018

‘I don’t want to lecture you, but let me point out….’

Welcome to ....

Marius is over from Norway and we’re doing the Bermondsey Beer Mile (before and after the match). What can possibly go wrong?  Well, for starters, I lost my tickets last week, so I’ve got to arrive early at The Valley to pick up reprints (well done all concerned).  Then I take Marius to the wrong end of the beer mile (nearer two, I’d say) and we have to walk all the way to the other end to meet Reedy and Pompey in Four Pure.  Needless to say they then leave 5 minutes later, while Sarah and I sip our pints (no-one told us we were on halves).  Still, cooking lager lout Pompey summed it up best: ‘£5 a pint for something dredged from the river?’ 

OK, technically cheating...We 3 enjoy beers on Sunday.

Then there was a match.  That went well too. The bookies had us down as twice as likely as Charlton to win. And they’re always right, so I felt the same.  Mind, I’ve never met Paddy Power, William Hill or that lad Brooke, so what do they know?  Still, with 3 wins and a draw in our last 4 there, it’s not like QPR.  ‘No, it’s not raining for a start’ (A. Reed)  A beautiful day, a busy away end and we could sit where we liked.  So we turned our seats by the corner turned into prime positions above the net.  We’d have a perfect view of Charlton’s 1^st.

The view from behind the goal.

We then proceed to pretty much give up.  The fans that is, aside from a few intermittent chants.  Do we only sing when we’re winning?  Are we spoilt?  Are we as complacent as the players?  Well, maybe.  About the only positive I could see in a stuttering 1^st half performance was our ability to switch the ball out wide.  But whereas Charlton scored from this, we simply drill endless crosses to the keeper, to the first man, to no-one, or worse, into the stand.  I reckon we had 20 crosses on Satdy and only one went in the right place, a second half low ball along the edge of the 6 yard area, while Kiefer was on the backpost and Brown was AWOL. 

The teams come out.

Yes, after knocking it around nicely and looking comfortable, we let Chorlton score.  We’ve been sucked to our left and one crossfield ball from the homesters sees a 1-on-1 with Pinnock. Howthehell has he got a one-one-one with Pinnock?  Anyway, Pinnock fails to deal with it, the player going on his outside and burying it with his left foot.  I’d say into the corner, but it’s only in the corner cos that’s where Davies’ hand has put it.  Good to have him back in goal as well (kidding).

A club whose ground is more too big for them than ours.

We DID manage one shot of note though, a free kick from miles out by Mowatt which the keeper scrambled around the post, much to our chagrin (it looked in all the way).  But after 39 minutes I’d had enough. I was hungry, so went and joined the queue for pies.  ‘Will you get me one?’  ‘Will you get me one?’ Christ. At least I didn’t miss anything (I was told).

I wondered this most of the match....

Second half and Big Kiefer was on for McGeehan (who was problies only in the team cos Bahre was absent).  Anyway, the second half started even worse than the first, as we took 7 mins to concede rather than 8.  Again, Charlton show us how it’s done with an overlap and cross that’s actually met by one of their own players.  Davies (for a change!) doesn’t cover himself in glory as the winger (fullback) was only ever going to put the ball in one place and he doesn’t read it.  When was the last time our keeper made a difference in a match?  (errr….last away game, penalty save at 0-0?)

Some (almost) pressure on the Charlton goal.

We continued to be disjointed, and although enjoying the lions’ share of possession, we never looked likely to score.  Indeed, we were ripe for being hit on the break and from one attack, it looked  like Charlton missed the unmissable from 6 yards.  Did Davies save it? Did the player simply miss the ball?  I couldn’t tell.  As I also couldn’t tell you the reputed seventeen (17!) shots we allegedly had on Satdy.  The only one I can recollect in the second half was a from Cavare, a weak effort following a great surge into the box beating 3 players.  It wasn’t our day.  Charlton had done a job on us, worked hard…and had the timewasting tactics second half to see it through.  I can’t remember seeing as many players collapse to the floor before, but according to Jonesy, his Charlton mate says this is de rigeur under Bowyer.  (He may not have said ‘de rigueur’, but I thought I’d drop in a bit of French just for Mrs Jones!)

*** Barnsley box office, for helping sort the reprint of the tickets. 

** Charlton box office, for helping sort the reprint of the tickets. 

* Nozzer.  For identifying the lost ticket seat numbers and buying replacement tickets to replace the lost boys.  (Miriam and Martin took those.)

All that was left was to traipse back to Bermondsey and drown our sorrows in some breweries or other.  Drink du jour quality-wise was a Belgian wit at the Swedish place. Just saying.

About as good as it got.

Despatches:
If I’m being generous, I’ll give one star to Kiefer Moore, the only player who looked owt like.  Good to see him back.  Maybe Brown looked alright, tho poorly supported.  The rest?  The midfield played it around nicely at times, without creating anything, while the defence looked penetratable (is that a word?).  Makes me laugh when I hear ‘Barnsley have the best defence in the division’ when what the commentators mean is ‘Barnsley don’t concede many cos they’re normally at the other end attacking.’  And for all the adulation early doors for Dougall, when I finally see him in a game where he’s tested, he comes up short.  I’ll tell you who we missed: Bahre.  Where was he?  Certainly, no-one else seemed capable of running about and panicking Charlton into losing the ball high up field.

Drink du jour: Too many to mention.  We finished in the George at London Bridge, just to show Marius a bit of historic.  Anyway, I think he enjoyed his weekend, having at least 13 new beers to add to his beer app (plus whatever he had at the Brick Brewery in Peckham on Sunday).  Just a shame he saw such a poor display from the Super Reds.

Onwards and upwards!

Away: 1500

The Damage:£21 ent
£2 fanzine (never saw a programme)
£4 pie
£2.90 coke (I know, unbelieveable)
= £29.90

The Valley panorama.

The teams line up.

Miriam complains the legroom isn't enough for a dwarf.

'Thanks for coming' etc

East meets...North.

The cavernous West Stand.