Burton Albion 1-1 BFC, Friday 3rd April 2026

‘Where DO wookies s***?’

I think Burton Albion are metamorphorsising into Luton Town, the number of ex-Reds in their line up. Brad Collins in goal, Jasper Moon shoring up the defence, Kyran Lofthouse on the wing and Toby Sibbick benchwarming. On the latter, the manager said he’d been playing well lately, out of position at left back, but (get this!) he wanted a left footer there against the Super Reds. As for Lofthouse, he achieved his 10th assist of the season, while Brad Collins does what Brad Collins does: timewaste. His options are limited, what with the change in rules regarding the 6 second rule, but his (not so) subtle timewasting at goalkicks was bringing out the PTSD in me. Moon, I never noticed, probably cos we barely attacked.

I’d made a lateish decision to travel to Burton, based purely on convincing Sarah that it might be the done thing to occasionally visit her parents in nearby Lichfield (we only stayed one night). Besides, I like going to Burton. Laidback, loads of great places to drink, steady walk to the ground. Easy parking too, if you’re sent around a one-way system and somehow end up outside one of the two pubs one had earmarked (Cooper’s Tavern). Love this place. Ye olde worlde, with beer served from the barrel. Plus a pork pie. Pre-match was complete with pub chat about the latest American space exploration. As you do.

I also bumped into a couple of Reds’ fans too. ‘Optimistic?’ I asked. ‘Optimistic? I’m not even interested. I’m only here for the beer.’ These lads later beat me to the ground, even though they were ordering a pint as I left. Did a Lord Selwood and ordered a taxi. I bet they wished they’d stayed in the pub.

I got there in time for kick-off (brisk pace!) and it started well. Flavell in goal was serenaded by the faithful ‘he’s one of our own’. A change is as good as a rest. Perhaps Canada can call up Crapman more often? MdG (or ‘De Vagina’ as I heard him referred to) and O’Connell had the job of protecting Flavell, and this lasted all of 7 minutes, till O’Connell got injured. On comes the GOAT at right back, the right footed right back (Watson) going to left back and the (alleged) centre half moving from left back to centre half. We’re so fluid!

The opening 45, we barely got out of our half, yet arguably created the best 2 opportunities, both squandered by T. Bradshaw. If he’s not scoring, he’s not contributing in my book. The first, he’s unlucky, as he diverts a shot and it hits the keeper. The second, from a lovely cross by McG, he can pick his spot. He did – a yard wide. He really needs to retire, or play a further rung or 2 down (he might get his chance, if he stays!).

Still, at least we weren’t losing. Flavell fumbled a shot across goal and also dropped it, being cleaned out by 2 Reds defenders. Do we do ‘practice’? Thankfully there was no-one to tap home on either occasion. I start mulling on the possibility of our first clean sheet in forever being when we put this season’s 3rd choice in t’nets. If so, would Coach Conor retain his place? I needn’t have worried. I also note MdG getting a few points from the tellybob viewers, but all I remember about his performance was making 3 mistakes in the opening 10 minutes.

On the hour, a neat give-and-go leaves Lofthouse the simple option of squaring it for an open goal. Too easy. It’s down their right, but on seeing it on telly, the only person in a position to do owt (Yoganothing...sorry, Yoganathan) trips over his own feet. Ah well. This is the cue for the away end to turn toxic. ‘Sacked in the morning, you’re getting sacked in the morning.’ He wasn’t. But the worm has turned. This lot were the ones singing summat about Conor returning us to glory earlier in the season.

Then, I dunno what happened. Someone had the idea to stop it with the negative chanting and for the rest of the match it was all ‘we’ve got Super Daniel Stendal...Mads at the back, Cauley in attack’ etc Si senor, give the ball to Woodrow he will score. Always believe in...Devante Cole. COLE! Even an appearance by Bambo Diaby and his large appendage. (I mean a chant, obviously, not the actual physical specimen.) That the chants were all based on players in the last 10 years somewhat showed the age of those contributing. Where’s ‘can you hear the Ponty roaring, Ronnie Glavin’s always scoring’? I guess ‘can you hear the Bapp for Bolts Pontefract Road End roaring, David McGoldrick’s always scoring’ doesn’t scan so well. Still, good to hear Jalo is still ‘better than Christiano’. Last time I looked, he couldn’t get a game on loan at Oldham.

Coach Conor rang the changes, sending on the ineffective Cleary for the ineffective Banks, Phillips for Kelly (ditto) and then, on 74, the GAME CHANGER. Roberts and Farrell on for MdG and Watson. All out attack! Well, certainly fewer defenders and more forwards. And as injury time loomed, Connell curled a beautiful free kick (credit where credit is due) over the defence for Roberts to head across goal and McG finish from about 3 yards. Burton have been robbed. We celebrate not losing.

Onwards and upwards!

*** No-one. Like the Super Reds, I am struggling.
** No-one. Ran No-one very close for 1st.
* Roberts. Saved us a point from the bench.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Shepherd 2. MdG 3= McGoldrick / No-one

Despatches:
I read a stat on the BBC website, pre-match. In 10 Good Friday games, Burton have won only once – against the Super Reds a couple of years ago. Part of me would’ve been ecstatic if we’d extended that to 2 teams in 11 games – both of them Barnsley.

I walked back to the station, to pick up Sarah. A helpful attendant (AKA crowd control) was obviously worried about me lurking. ‘Where would you like to go?’ I thought. ‘Australia, maybe New Zealand.’ She looked at me like I’d said something about her mum.

Drink du jour: Joules Krush Smash pale ale (very average) and Jaipur at Cooper’s Tavern.

Away: c. 1,200 (4,203)

The Damage:
£19 ent
c.£30 petrol
= £49

Burton Albion 1-2 BFC, Saturday 21st September 2024

‘They’re not letting pies in? You’re kidding me!’

Another poor performance, another victory. I love division 3. Win our next home game and we’ll be on 16 points after 8 games. 2 points a game. Top 2 form in most seasons, and we’ve barely gelled. On Satdy we went in at half-time a goal to the good despite barely being in their half. I’m surprised the fans weren’t singing ‘are we Lincoln away in disguise?’ In the end, we concede late, score the winner later and it’s pandemonium in the away end. A bit like Millwall away the other season, when that faceless (Austrian?) centre forward scored the winner, the one I always said was crap. (He was.)

Of course, if you want to win games, scoring a 2nd...or a 3rd...might help, and the way we tossed away chances in the second half made it look like we were happy to squeak through. The more Burton desperately searched for an equaliser, the more we were left 3 on 3, 2 on 2...and in not taking our chances on the break, we nearly paid the price.

That we went ahead was thanks to a 30 yard free kick from Connell. I’m not sure we can rely on that every week. It was a good hit, low into the corner, but would I be accepting that from our keeper? Not a chance. Their best (half) chances came in the opening half hour as Roberts managed to blunder once, twice...thrice times. He really is a liability with the ball at his feet. If I were the opposition, I wouldn’t even bother hitting it into space, just look for Roberts on the floor. My God, he’s meant to be the experienced hand bringing calmness and solidity to our backline, not chaos and calamity. I wouldn’t mind if he was domineering in the air, but was that Roberts that their bloke ghosted past to head in the equaliser? (Answer: yes.)

Still, it was a peach of a cross. But with 2 minutes left (plus injury time) it looked like we’d thrown it away. Not that Burton didn’t deserve it. They’d pressed heavily that last 10 minutes, as well as the opening half. So we took a leaf out of their book and replied in IDENTICAL fashion...a right footed in-swinger from the left wing back (O’Keefe). Only our centre forward (Humphreys) has to work harder for it, dominating their centre half to head home. Why doesn’t Cosgrove do this? Or Watters? Win a header in THEIR box?

Humphreys thereafter shows his true class by miscontrolling a ball 10 yards when clean through, but by then it was pelting it down. That’s fine though. One of us has left his rainjacket in the car but has his sunglasses with him. Still, it’s a beautiful day...(am I coming over all U2?).

Onwards and upwards!

*** Cotter. Ran at people, beat people, got crosses in. It didn’t always work, but I’d say he’s earnt the right to lose a ball he’s carried 50 yards up the pitch.
** (My Name is) Earl. Strong at the back and enjoyed a run of his own.
* De Givigny. If you’re in a back 3 with Roberts, you need to be on top of your game.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Cotter 2. Earl 3= Connell / De Givigny

Despatches: Mr Tickle is right. Connell’s ability to draw a foul and slow the game down IS underrated...cos I don’t see it. I didn’t think Connell did owt aside from score. Bafflingly anonymous, aside from when he bore down on their goal 2nd half, ignored the overlapping wingback (O’Keefe by that point?), who’d have been clean through, to put his greedy glasses on and send a shot wide. That’s the second time this season I’ve seen him ignore an overtaking wingback who’s in a far superior position. Lots of space, a simple pass to make. Season before last, Connell was my favourite player. He’s not been the same since. Will we ever get him back? (Is he the new Woodrow? ‘Off form’ for TWO years.

DKD...superb debut and done nowt since. Brought out a conversation on players who’ve done same. Great start, turned out to be rubbish. I can’t remember which player was mentioned, but the one who stands out for me was a B. Dire. Was Sunderland away his debut? He was amazing. I spent the next 5 years (sorry, 25 years) cursing the day, etc. Anyway, DKD. Anonymous. I never saw him last week at Stevenage, but those who were there didn’t either. Honestly, I didn’t realise he was playing till I saw him trot back to help defend a corner.

The rest? Not worth a mention. O’Keefe was a having a bit of a mare at left back, 1st half…but HE’S NOT A LEFT WINGBACK. I am sick of going on about this. Left back and right back are NOT the same. Managers ought to get their heads around this. The best left backs are LEFT footed. Cadden got brickbats for having a poor ‘cross completion rate’ (WTF!?) last season but a) he got crosses in and b) it wasn’t his fault Cole et al hid behind defenders and wouldn’t break to the front post. Now, there’s nary a cross put in (so it’s ironic that’s how we got the winner).

Oh, Benson’s hair came on as sub. I love his hair. I wish I had a full head of the stuff like him. He looked alright, again. Jalo, meantime, came on and got broken by an opposition arm. He was virtually clothes-lined, like something out of Wrestlemania. Not even a free kick, let alone a card.

Still, another great day. Met up with Reedy, Nozzer and Special Guest Ozzy at The Last Heretic, before dragging them to a micro brewery under the railway arches that had a blackboard out advertising itself. Sat outside, sun blazing, beer in hand, the football not yet kicked off. Lapping up the last of the summer vibes.

Drink du jour: Thornbridge Crux IPA in The Last Heretic; Tasted weirdly of ginger to me. Thornbridge Astryd at Outwoods Brewing Company. OK, I s’pose. (Will I ever get that gig reviewing beer?)

Away: 1,161. First time (I think) we’ve never sold out here. Still 2 away games in a row (scored 0, conceded 10) can’t have helped. Youse missed a treat (ish).

The Damage:
£18 ent
c.£35 petrol
= c.£53

Burton Albion 1-3 BFC, Monday 1st April 2024

‘Get off the f***ing pitch you s*** c***’

The atmosphere in the away end started positive. The fans were getting behind the team, albeit there was some mystification behind Coach Collins’ selections and strategy. No Devante Cole (no argument here!) or McAtee. Or Phillips. Jon Russell was in the starting line up, a fact I learnt as some bloke started singing ‘it’s all Jonny Russell’s fault’ in the bog, pre-match. Collins has morphed into Gary Flitcroft, changing a winning (away) set up to demonstrate his continental appeal. Russell, in front of a back 4. Cadden pushed further forward and Earl playing left back. McCart and MdG centre halves. O’Keefe in front of Jordan on the right and Cosgrove up top on his own. 4-1-4-1. This’ll do well when we’re playing at Camp Nou.

One obvious advantage to all this is that Kane sees very little of the ball. Pushed further forward and without the safety net of 4 unmarked defenders to play it back or square to, he’s not in the game. (It took me a while to realise he was playing, as I scanned the field for changes.) However, with only one player up, the ball didn’t last long in their half and I don’t remember us having a sniff at goal.

Burton, meantime, looked poor but were allowed 2 or 3 snapshots at our goal. It’s ok though, I get it, the players are getting used to a new formation. But the lackadaisical attitude is summed up in Connell losing the ball on the halfway line goal and their player being allowed to run forward 25 yards before burying it into the bottom corner. The negative energy in the away end, thus far bubbling under, bursts forth. ‘Neill Collins…your football is s***’. And it is. This is woeful. Still, I am amused to hear the old Bambo Diaby chant, a surefire sign Washday are losing. I feel much better knowing he laiks for them and not us. Half-time comes with our fans chanting for the coach’s head, though I didn’t hear that. Maybe I’d blocked it out.

Truth be told, I was already in a bad mood. My back is killing me and I’ve made the mistake of standing. My second mistake is in not getting there early enough to bag a crash barrier to lean on. (Miraculously, my back doesn’t feel so bad later on, as we start scoring. Go figure.) I’ve also had a bit of a mare, pre-match. Driving to the outlaws in Lichfield, the A38 turnoff is closed (HS2! Yes, work is still on going in certain non-northern parts of the country!) and my satnav gets lost. At one point, I’ve turned the suburbs of Lichfield into the countryside with a sign saying ‘Lichfield 3½’.

Later, I arrange to have a pre-match drink with Chris. Let’s just say it didn’t go to plan as I allow Chris carte blanche. He’s near the station, he’ll find a place. I drive past the ground, park up near town, and find he’s wandered towards the Pirelli, past a couple of pubs (closed). I end up back where I was half an hour earlier, in a crap pub (The Beech) by the ground reserved for the away fans. In the home of brewing, I enjoy a...Cruzcampo. Spanish lager. Brilliant. I said I was in a bad mood. (It appears it was my fault for mishearing Chris, and it probably was. This is what happens when there’s no Andy Reed to orchestrate drinking.)

Where was I? Oh yes, half-time. Does Coach Collins stick with the experiment, have a word with the players, explain what they’ve done wrong, what to change (everything?) Or does he make actual changes? Bl**dy hell, it’s b). Phillips and McAtee (tee tee) are on, Kane and O’Keefe hauled. (I have to admit, I hadn’t realised O’Keefe was playing, nevermind Kane.) We are back to 3-5-2. You can imagine my disappointment, as if we start scoring, I’ll have nothing to moan about.

We start scoring. Less than 10 minutes have been played and McAtee has already put 2 dangerous crosses into the box (where’s Cosgrove?) before he takes matters into his own hands and smashes in the rebound after Phillips hits the post with an open goal header. 10 minutes later, he’s put us in the lead. The goal is both bizarre and brilliant. Cosgrove plays him in near the halfway line and, with the keeper in no-man’s land, McAtee hits it early and bamboozles the custodian from around 35 yards out. Anyone else would try controlling the ball first. Anyone else would NEED to control the ball first. Pure class.

The coup de grace is administered by Connell. In a finish reminiscent of Burton’s goal, defenders back off and back off before Luca hits it low from 20 yards across the keeper. And there’s always something sweet about being right behind a shot you can see the keeper is never getting to. I could have jumped around long before the ball hit the net, but I’ve a crippling back injury. Have I mentioned it?

By now, it’s a procession. The fans are onside, though an attempt at ‘EIEIEIO’ stalls before it gets to ‘Collins is our king’. But fair play to the coach. He doesn’t want to embarrass Burton, so sticks on Cole to stop the scoring. He has one chance, as another defensive aberration sees him up against the keeper on the edge of the box. Can he drop a shoulder, feint one way, go the other, and leave the keeper on his backside for a tap-in? No, he gets tackled.

Onwards and upwards!

*** McAtee (tee tee). Came on and turned the game. I wish he was ours.
** MdG. A magnificent performance. MOTM any other game, he won every physical battle, made interceptions, brought the ball out. Got done once, and that was at 3-1 up.
* Cosgrove. Created the first two goals with a flick on and pass.

Londontykes’ MOTM: TBA

Despatches:
I have a theory. You see all them home defeats? It’s that comedy home shirt. The players are embarrassed. Our only away defeat this season? Derby County. What strip were we wearing? That comedy shirt. I rest my case, m’lud. No further submissions. The opposition can’t take us seriously when we wear that shirt.

That said, I think I read this is the most number of away wins by a Reds side EVER (with 4 to play). Most points, most all sorts. Longest unbeaten away run. What have we lost at home? 6? 7? Mind, maybe SUPPORT helps too. The away fans generally get behind the team, and at home...well. We’ve had decent support in two home games...Derby and Bolton. We won one and were seconds away from winning the other. However, I’d argue CRITICISM helps too...we turned it around at Lincoln and Burton (and maybe others) after the fans turned on the players. So maybe just some NOISE from us makes a difference, instead of the usual chuntering on and leaving early (all home games). Or telling the yoofs off for singing about the Pope and the IRA. Who cares? (It was allowed today, and they only did it once.)

Finally, Connell. I know it’s blasphemy to criticise (potentially) our best player. But I was amazed to learn his goal was his 1st of the season. No wonder we’re struggling, if the centre forward isn’t bagging and our 2 central midfielders (Connell, Kane) offer such few goals. Thank goodness for McAtee (tee tee) and, to a lesser extent, Cosgrove.

Drink du jour: Cruzcampo.

Away: c.1300. Didn’t look a sellout, which shows the lack of belief at the moment.

The Damage:
£20 ent (£2 admin fee)
£3 programme
c.£30 petrol
= c.£53

Burton Albion 2-1 BFC, Friday 7th April 2023

‘It is adamantine parallelograms – indeed, hard lines.’

What can I say? The world and his wife knows this game was decided 10 minutes in. Or, to be more precise, COULD have been decided. We’ve broken down the right, the ball’s been cutback, the keeper is nowhere. All Norwood has to do is slot it, but he finds the defender on the line. Or the defender’s ARM. Now, I’ll be honest, I’m at the other end of the ground and the ref is far closer and has a CLEAR view. No pen, no nothing. Everyone watching online is positive it’s handball. But I’m sure the ref’s subconsciousness comes into play. Give the pen, send their man off and the game is potentially over. And if he gets it wrong, he’ll run the gauntlet for ruining the match. Far better to give Burton the benefit of any doubt – after all, promotion chasing Barnsley still have 80 odd minutes to win this game. And win it we didn’t.

(I’ve since seen a replay. Norwood is 6 YARDS OUT, FFS. I can’t see how the ref can definitively spot that’s a handball, it happens so fast. But it does allow me to give credit to Adam Phillips for the throughball to Jordan Williams which tears them apart.) Anyway, cue the vitriol for me for sticking up for the ref. This is not the Premiership, the ref doesn’t have the advantage / fallback of VAR. And besides, I rather like the idea of getting promotion without gaining a single penalty all season. But yes, the shot does hit his arm. If it had been at our end, we might have had a better chance of persuading the ref (think Old Trafford and THAT Gary Neville foul on Andy Liddell).

Then we fell apart. Ball after ball was aimed at the heads of Norwood and Cole (and later, Tedic and Watters) and the Burton centre halves mopped it up. Kane and Connell, so often the lynchpins, couldn’t their feet on the ball and were pulled after an hour, with us one down. Kane fails to stop the cross, Phillips fails to cut it out, and their bloke prods it in. What a terrible, terrible goal to concede. This is food and drink to a defence, this type of ball.

Credit where it’s due for their killer second on 87, as their bod cuts inside from Williams and curls it into the far corner from 20 yards. The game is up, Sarah’s dad needs the toilet and he’ll see us outside. He misses the (our) best 10 mins of the match, as Cadden pulls one back, driving home through a crowd. 7 minutes of injury time offers hope…and Burton are now camped in their half. However, we barely threaten until a last second Tedic header sees the keeper scrambling.

Onwards and upwards!

*** No-one. A poor show all round.
** Tedic. Only threat we had. The turn and snapshot, the header…
* Cadden. Notched.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Tedic 2. Cadden 3. Connell

Despatches:
It’s my old bugbear, timewasting. Their keeper had possession of the ball twice in injury time, holding it 15 and 13 seconds respectively. Last time I looked, the rule was 6 seconds. Of course, he'd already been booked, so the referee couldn't possibly award a free kick, as he'd have to send him off. When will this accursed rule be adhered to!!??

The yoof were in our real ale pub, pre-match, banging signs, standing on a picnic table, making a racket. Lads – fine, but wrong hostelry. (I think they had 3 drinks between them, so who knows what was powering their energy!?)

Excellent pre-match planning from the Londontykes as we agree to meet in a pub that doesn’t open till 4. Thankfully, crisis averted before I reached Burton. Visiting the outlaws in nearby Lichfield, I had Sarah and her dad slumming it from the likes of Norwich City and Aston Vanilla. Neither were impressed, but neither was I. Sarah wasn’t keen on the language (!) and both moaned about not having seats. Well, next season…

Drink du jour: Joules IPA in Coopers Tavern. Love this pub.

Away: 1500? A sellout, anyway.

Today’s take home: If Connell and Kane don’t boss it, what have we got?

The Damage:
£19 ent
£3 programme
= £22