Euxton Villa 0-5 Atherton Laburnum Rovers, Tuesday 24th March 2026

Euxton Villa 0-5 Atherton Laburnum Rovers, North West Counties League Premier Division, Jim Fowler Memorial Ground, att. 181

Talk about a last minute decision. Kev and I were off to Ashton Town, till it was postponed half an hour before kick-off, as we arrived. But, knowing Euxton Villa kicked off at 8, we knew we were in plenty of time to get to the Jim Fowler Memorial Ground. And, unbeknownst to us, this game would almost certainly be on, despite the rain. They have a plastic pitch.

Mind, tonite’s game is apparently a replay of an earlier, postponed or abandoned game. Why was that called off? Medical emergency? But we’re not complaining, tonite’s entrance fee is the princely sum of three pounds, or less than the can of beer from their canteen (I hesitate to use the term ‘social club’ as it was a bit small.)

My first impression as I entered the ground (canteen to our right) behind the goal, was ‘where’s the cover for standing,’ The rain was coming down at a pace and, although I could see a couple of stands, these were seating only. We could barely see the small structure on the far right touchline, and with virtually half the crowd in here, it felt quite busy. (Note: the crowd was 181).

On the opposite touchline, there was a brand new ‘off the back of a lorry’ stand, made super smart by the seats in alternate Euxton colours of orange (amber?) and black. There was more seating the other side of the canteen, in a tiny structure with about 20 seats, and wheelchair space. But the overall impression was of a club on the up. Everything was spick and span, from the perimeter fence to the plastic pitch. A walk around the ground showed the next improvement: flat standing, the limestone underlay already in place. Sadly, thids meant no circumference. No wonder the only spectator behind the goal in the opening half was a club volunteer. Maybe their next move after that could be filling in some of the potholes in their sizeable adjacent car park? But I’m nitpicking.

As I said, the social club was small and there were no beers on tap. Cruzcampo felt the best of a bad bunch, if you’re not one to drink Guinness or Strongbow Fruit. (I’m not.) Signed Bolton and Wigan shirts adorned the wall, rather than a telly showing Sky, while even the pennants were hanging off some trophy atop a cupboard. Still, it was warm and dry, and provided welcome respite from the rain.

And it poured. A temporary lull allowed us our walk, but the second half was played in constant rain, so shout out to the Euxton photographer, there to the end on the offchance her team would produce something worth photographing. She’s a better man than I am.

The game itself turned into a rout. Laburnum Rovers (who’d brought a few, btw) scored early and always looked superior, despite spirited home resistance. A couple of goals just before half-time made it 0-3 at the break, and when Laburnum went 4 up after 47, it looked like it could be anything. Mind, 3 of the goals came from corners, including one that was tapped in on the volley from 3 yards out. Truly appalling defending. The 5th came in the 90th minute, after Euxton had made the Rovers’ box several times. Typical. But that’s why one of these teams is lower mid table, and the other is right in the play-off hunt. Maybe there’ll be time to visit Atherton yet, this season.

The Damage:
£3 ent
£4 can of Cruzcampo
£2 tea
= £9

Ashton Town P-P MSB Woolton, Tuesday 24th March 2026

Ashton Town P-P MSB Woolton, North West Counties League First Division North, The Bartons Group Stadium

Having given Kev the options of Darwen or Bacup Borough tonite, I realise mid-afternoon that I’ve got the wrong day – those are tomorrow. I look up the fixtures again and narrow it down to Ashton Town, Euxton Villa or Prestwich Heys. The latter is closest to Kev, and it’s also where Cousin Chris lives. Maybe he fancies it too? Chris is unavailable, so we decide to leave Prestwich for another time.

We decide on Ashton, partly cos Euxton is an 8pm kick-off. 8pm? Whatthehell’s that about? As we head north on the motorway, the rain is lashing down. ‘It’s not gonna be on’ I say. Kev keeps checking Twitter. So far, so good. We make it to the lane leading to the ground, but I’m not keen. Especially not now we’ve seen a ‘parking full’ sign. We park up across the road and head down to the ground.

As we edge closer, I notice the floodlights aren’t even on. There’s only about half an hour to kick-off. ‘This match is off’ I say. Besides, the main gates are wide open. Kev checks Twitter for the umpteenth time. ‘Match off. They sent a message 4 minutes ago.’ So, roughly as we were parking. Still, the social club is doing good business, as both teams are in there enjoying a not very well earned drink. It is also the second time this season I have attempted to see MSB Woolton, and the second time it has been postponed (the other being Thornton Cleveleys). They are proving to be my nemesis.

Still, Euxton Villa kicks off at 8. Shall we? (We shall.)

Mansfield Town 2-2 BFC, Saturday 14th March 2026

’I haven’t had a shower for 2 weeks.’

‘That joke isn’t funny anymore’ sang The Smiths, presciently. How did they know they’d be describing Barnsley FC’s efforts at defending over 40 years later? How many more times do we have to throw away a two goal lead against third division opposition? (4 and counting.) How many more points are we to throw away from a winning position (20 and counting, only worsered (!?) by Doncaster Rovers, a side who I don’t remember even having a lead this season). Yes, we can blame penalties that weren’t awarded, and penalties that were, but at the heart of it is a back 4 (and 2 defensive midfielders, and a goalkeeper) unable to keep the ball out of the net against Mansfield Town.

Still, it’s not all doom and gloom. We actually IMPROVED in our result against The Stags, having managed to LOSE the corresponding home fixture (2-3) after being two up. Progress! By the season after next we might eke out two draws against them. And maybe a couple of years after that, keep a clean sheet. Cos this bunch can’t. 21 consecutive matches without stopping the opposition scoring. And after being serenaded positively throughout, the players left with the away end chanting ‘two nil up and we f***ed it up’ while Coach Conor looked a sorry figure coming to the away support on his lonesome to clap our efforts. Brave.

We went 2-0 up a few minutes after half-time. Given we’d looked superior in every department, first half, it looked like more of the same. Banks zig-zagged into the box before cunningly putting his shot straight at former Reds haplessee Liam Roberts. It was impossible NOT to save it, but he managed. Not to save it, that is.

The opening half, Yoganathan pounded one off the bar before POTY Kelly (Phew! He’s back!) drove forward, played it to Bradshaw (I think) who played it perfectly for McG to drive home low from 25 yards. EVERYTHING is going in for him (apart from that tap-in at the Ponty End recently). Where would we be without him? I’ve read he’s now top scorer, which is pretty incredible considering he had 3 months off.

It has to be said, I was probably 3 sheets to the wind when they pulled one back. (I’d sobered up, I was 4 sheets to the wind before that.) Penalty, at the far end. Was it a penalty? It looked like somebody tripped over, and Banks looked sheepish. 1-2. Well, nobody wants a one-sided game. 10 minutes later, Coach Conor makes his decisive move. The GOAT and Phillips on for Kelly and Banks. Now it really was one-way traffic, not helped by Bradshaw’s inability to hold a ball up. Why’s he not chucked Cleary on, give us some outlet?

He does. Finally. 86 minutes in, and we show more up top in the last few minutes than we had since Banks scored. There’s a big shout for a penalty (handball), but it’s fine, we’re still winning. We’re 94 minutes in, one more long throw to defend. One more chance for two of our own defenders to go for the same ball (Shepherd and...O’Connell?), leading to a poor header out, which is picked up and drilled home. Two-nil up and...

Onwards and upwards!

*** McGoldrick. Another quality goal and boy, does he work hard. This includes helping us to DEFEND. So how DO we concede so many?
** Yoganathan. Always looking to drive forward.
* Banks. Could be anyone, but he scored, and we were winning till he got pulled.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. McGoldrick 2. Yoganathan 3. Banks

Despatches:
I’ve not been insulted as badly as this for ages, but while Reedy and I were in the Mallard at Worksop Station, it was said of us that ‘they look sensible.’ How very dare they. Mind, we were so described by some of our idiots, and the landlord and his sidekick did extremely well in keeping them under control. ‘Were you happier when they arrived or when they left?’ I asked the bossman. ‘When they left’ came the instant reply.

Credit in despatches for Loko recommending The Brown Cow too. Thank goodness we’ve booked our place back there next season.

The players? My main remembrance was of being quite pleased with Coach Conor for hauling a previously booked O’Keeffe before he was sent off. But on the minus side, I can’t blame Corey for either of the conceded goals.

Drink du jour: Kirkstall Virtuous there and back at The Mallard, Worksop Station, DEYA Into the Haze at The Brown Cow before and after, Brew York Lupo Lion at Heaven and Ale.

Away: c. 1,500 (8,538).

The Damage:
£7 petrol
£15 train
£30 ent
= £52

BFC 2-1 Exeter City, Saturday 7th March 2026

’Did you know today is the anniversary of your dad’s death?’ ‘No.’

Whatthehell was that protest? 24 tennis balls are thrown from the Ponty End and a few fans accompany it with ‘You greedy bastards, get out of our club.’ We can’t even do protests right. Was there forewarning? Did anybody else know about it? Or was it dreamed up in the pub youth club beforehand? I guess that, it not being a school nite, there’s more of da yoof in than Tues nite.

I wouldn’t mind, but it’s not like it even benefited the town’s economy, being that Slazenger closed their tennis ball making factory 20 odd years ago. Pathetic. As was the ‘protest’. Depending on who I listened to at half-time, these owners of ours have put in £15-20m over three years or so. They might make some poor decisions, but I’m not sure I’d call them ‘greedy’.

Worse, the tennis balls came flying on as we were crushing Exeter, two-nil up and looking for more. The balls killed momentum, but hey! The last thing you want when you’re protesting is the team doing well. (See also: us scoring a late winner at Oldham to end Little Lee’s 8 losses in a row.) It does nought for the cause. McGoldrick had put us one up after Cleary put him through, time standing still as he advanced forward before dinking it over the diving keeper. Then, just past the hour mark, McG puts in a cross for Yoganathan to head home. Yes, our Welsh Sri Lankan was picked ahead of the Welsh GOAT.

It wasn’t the only unusual selection by Coach Conor. Having seen the team pre-match, speculation was rife that we’d be going back 3. No chance. The Ruben Amorim of League 1 sticks to what he knows. By putting the kitchen fitter at left back in a back 4. Inspired? Insane? Well, the only thing he did wrong was chopping down a Grecian for a booking, but injury saved him a 2nd one (lasting 5 minutes of the second half), Coach Conor deciding not to haul him at half-time. I was quite looking forward to Conor leaving a youngster on for the 3rd time this season to get a 2nd yellow (and then hanging him out to dry in the post-match interview).

I don’t remember much happening after this, till the subs. Exeter were quite the most awful side I’ve seen this season, absolutely no threat whatsoever. So Coach Conor drags Cleary and Bradshaw for Banks and The GOAT. The un-dynamic duo (Connell and Bland) back to showcase their central midfield dominance. They score 3 minutes later. So much for seeing out the game. Still, it’s difficult to blame anybody but MdG (outjumped) and O’Connell (slipped). Can you imagine US scoring from a 50 yard hoof into their box? Still, it’s entertaining, eh Conor? BTTS, etc.

We survived a scramble soon after (MdG clearing) and that was about it. I think the goal woke us up a bit, in that we were more wary about the chances of conceding. It certainly didn’t make us more attacking. Or was that the manpower changes? Banks had a long ranger tipped round the post, but the ref gave a goalkick. Have they changed the rules? Maybe shots have to be on target in the first place.

Then, with 3 or 4 minutes left, the depression of watching us try to timewaste a corner. Absolutely zero players put in their box, we’ll attempt to eat up a few ‘valuable seconds’. This narks me beyond picking the kitchen fitter. THERE ARE SEVERAL MINUTES TO GO and this piece of crapmanship only serves to tell the opposition we have NO INTENTION of scoring a goal…which means they can commit as many men forward as they wish. I’ll tell you what WOULD ensure victory. Extending the lead by heading in a corner. But I’m not sure we’ve done that all season. (How many HAVE Shepherd, Roberts, MdG or O’Connell scored? I’m pretty sure Earl got one, but he might have been left back that day for all I know.)

2-1 Super Reds. Woop woop.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Yoganathan. It’s him or McG. Yoga won balls, strode forward, passed to Reds players. Like a slow motion Kelly. Oh, and he scored. You don’t get that from Bland.
** McGoldrick. What a player. Mr Consistent in an inconsistent team.
* O’Keeffe. This is getting annoying. The opposition refuse to attack O’Keeffe, thereby making him look like a good player…and at least he tries to get up the park and create summat.

Official MOTM: McGoldrick

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Yoganathan 2. McGoldrick 3. O’Keeffe

Despatches:
As the second half meandered into nothingness (again) I was daydreaming (again). I was daydreaming about what other people daydream about. What’s for tea? The latest situation in the Middle East (doubtful). Is it me or is it getting cold? This is obviously as well as ‘what is Conor doing?’ ‘Why are we trying to protect a two goal lead against possibly the worst side to come to Oakwell this season?’

That said, individual performances weren’t great. Phillips was anonymous, and had I not seen Bradshaw’s part in the opening goal (clicking the ball onto Cleary) I’d have said he didn’t touch the ball all day. Ogbeta looks more hapless by the week. Is that what you get when you take a player out of the team for playing well? He loses all confidence, in and out of the team? MdG and O’Connell again looked our best central defensive partnership, yet still manage to prove it’s incapable of doing a job for 90 minutes. Connell wasn’t bad. Another sign of how poor some others looked? Cleary looked alright, but wasn’t given the ball enough. Crapman, meantime, had nothing to do. If I’d been in the nets this week, we’d have still only conceded one.

I was amused to hear Coach Conor’s latest spin. ‘3 wins in 5’. Blimey. That’s promotion form. I presume it’s also ‘3 wins in 6’ and WLWLWLWLWLWL does not for a place in the play-offs make. Still, if we win our 3 games in hand (laughing emoji).

Drink du jour: Beartown Inception at Spiral.

Away: 347 (9,706). Most remarkable for ‘Barnsley’s a sh*thole, I wanna go home’ chant before we’d even kicked off. They were as quiet as us after that, as befitted our lowest crowd of the season (lge only).

The Damage:
£7 petrol
= £7