***there's a problem uploading photos...and it's not just my haplessness.
‘Get her a Slack-o-gram.’
When was the last time fans stuck around and serenaded the players off the pitch? That 4-2 against Washday? I dunno. Maybe it happens all the time and it’s just that I’m out the door as soon as the full-time whistle blows, but it was great to see so many fans stay behind last nite, as the Ponty sang ‘Barnsley’s going up again under Daniel Stendel.’ (It looks less catchy in writing.) The feelgood factor has returned! Will it stick around this time?
Another entertaining, attacking performance full of risks at the back...and another victory. Like last season, the bet appears to be BTTS (Both Teams To Score), the question being who’ll outscore who. I thank Nice Guy Chris for this stat (tho who knows where he got it from):
Most touches in the opposition box in the EFL this season:
Reds 165
Bristol Rovers 150
QPR 127
Cardiff 125
Stockport 124
That is INCREDIBLE. 15 touches ahead of 2nd, nearly 40 ahead of 3rd. Of course, one might say ‘goals scored’ is the crucial stat (if not ‘points won’) while who can say whether Cleary dilly-dallying is 100 of those touches? But still. The opposition can’t score if it’s in their box, surely? We are a pleasure to watch right now. As we were last season, when we were on the front foot. The difference is in our back 5:
Last season: Murphy/Crapman, O’Keeffe, Roberts, Shepherd, MdG
This season: Ravenhill, Kay, Gale, O’Riordan, Noslin.
I am tempted to say every single one of the current back 5 is an improvement on last season. Well done whoever signs these players. Early days, and maybe I’m still in my honeymoon period of not having to watch Shepherd and/or Roberts. (In years to come, I hope to look back fondly on quite how awful they were.)
We started slowly, Blackpool edging the opening 25 (the Tangerines hitting the post with a long range sighter), but thereafter, we looked comfortably the better side. But we still couldn’t score against a defence that included Josh Earl. (Add him to that list of hapless Reds’ defenders last season.) Even worse, when we were presented with the unmissable, it was Earl who blocked Kirk’s scuff on the line. Did I say unmissable? Kay plays in Kelly into the box, Kelly cuts back and puts it on a plate for Kirk, who can pick his spot. The pendulum has swung back in favour of ‘he’s useless’. He’s also soon to lose his place to this new Ivorian we’ve signed, surely.
That said, Blackpool had an opportunity early 2nd half which had 3 (count em!) unmissable opportunities in the same move, as the curse of the Ponty End box extended to their boots too. Maybe it was the new lights (see later)? O’Riordan (twice) and Bland cleared off the line from their unconvincing efforts, but how they didn’t score, I’ll never know.
It was end to end stuff, with Cleary seeing a good deal of ball and Kelly making runs, but it’s from a deadball we score. Noslin puts it in, it’s half-cleared and Kelly hits a bobbler from the edge of the box which is turned in by McGeehan. Johnny on the spot. It’s no fluke either, as he stretches out a stud to direct it in. I wonder to my neighbour whether we’ve gone ahead too early.
We have. Less than 3 minutes later, they’ve equalised. And if they’ve run out of creative options, there’s always the ‘letting a Red kick it to them.’ There’s a touch of misfortune as Bland’s attempt at a tackle rolls straight to their bloke, who squares it for the easy finish. Like Satdy, Ravenhill will never keep a clean sheet while we give them simple chances.
But we’re not deflated. Driven on by sub Richards, we’re looking dangerous. Richards himself has a scuffed effort (we seem to be specialising in ‘the scuff’ at mo...Kelly and McGeehan being masters too) deflected off the post by a defender and in the ensuing chaos Cleary sends a rebound across goal from 4 yards out.
It continues to be an open game and Blackpool blaze one over when the ref waves play-on after Kay chops their winger. Still, it’s nice to know some people know the rules and a Tangerine player helpfully reminds the ref about said foul until eventually, he pulls out the yellow card. Right decision, but still. (In the ref’s favour, he’s not slow in booking Blackpool players’ cynical fouls, 4 in all.)
By now, Connell is on for Bland. I didn’t see that coming. But I did call the next one, on-loan (Welcome back…Ziyad?) Larkeche on for a tired Noslin, Kay switching to right back. And did I mention Farrell coming on at half-time for Kirk? No I didn’t. Might as well be the same player. Tries hard to no effect.
And we go on to win it in controversial circumstances in the 87th minute. A Cleary cross is flicked on by Kelly for Richards to loop a perfect header over the keeper and into the far corner of the net. Seems fine to me (my instinct to look at the linesman suggested no infraction) but some of Blackpool’s players are going mad and convince the ref to consult his assistant. A photograph appears to show Kelly flicked it on with his hand, though you’d be hard-pressed to spot it in real time, and fortunately, the men in black don’t. Hopefully the Farnhams and Jonesys of this world will remember this when they’re totting up the Great Refereeing Conspiracy Theory against the Super Reds. (Or b) they weren’t there, so it didn’t happen.)
This could be a rollercoaster season. Hang on!
Onwards and upwards!
*** Richards. On at half-time for Alker, for me, he’s the difference between being on top 1st half and not scoring, and an even 2nd half, where we bagged 2.
** Kelly. Looked more like himself today, several runs at the defence gaining us yardage.
* McGeehan. Molly’s new favourite player. A steady head and always seems to know when to hold his ground and when to ghost forward to score.
Official MOTM: Kay
Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. McGeehan 2. Kelly 3. Richards
Despatches:
R.I.P. our floodlights. Well, rumours of their demise are perhaps greatly exaggerated at the moment, but it can’t be long. New bulbs in the roof make the floodlights surplus to requirements. If they’re packed off to Ken Booth’s scrapyard (ok, pedants, they’ve gone bust. And Ken died last year anyway) then I’ll be gravely disappointed. They’re part of the fabric of Oakwell. This town talks a good game with regards to its heritage, but I firmly expect they’ll go the same way of the early 20th century toilets of Peel Square. A landmark (can 4 floodlights be ‘a landmark’?) scrubbed from history.
Instead, we’ve got some (more) blinding lights off the roofs. Apparently, from the Ponty, the East Stand side looked dark. I know from my seat virtually on the halfway line, several times the brightness caught my eyes (and not in a good way). These could be teething issues, until they position them correctly, but it sounds worse in the lower decks, as the ball enters the orbit and you’re blinded by the light. Still, about time us heathens saw the light. But, please, don’t knock the floodlights down. (I believe at least one is used for communications, but let’s not leave just one up, either.)
I was also told the reason why we played Wednesday instead of Tuesday this week was cos of the transfer deadline. That makes sense. Had to make sure O’Keeffe left the building. How apt that his last ‘contribution’ was to give Leyton Orient a consolation last Satdy. Farewell, Corey. You leave with my best wishes (honestly). He could have been a contender, or, at the very least, a footballer. But he’ll never be a defender.
More crucially, we kept hold of all of our assets. I’d usually say ‘both of our assets’ (Cleary, Kelly) but I’d throw in Ravenhill, Kay and Bland (careful). The latter, especially, looks a lot better without having to kick the ball 6 yards square to Connell every time he gets it. Will Stendel resist temptation to bring the former captain back in? And how much did we turn down for Connell in the transfer window? (A club statement claimed we turned down overtures.)
Drink du jour: Beartown Inception at Spiral.
Away: c.600 (9,416).
The Damage:
£18.22 ent (Season ticket. £419/23 matches.)
£8 petrol
£55 home shirt (away shirts sold out)
= £81.22
Thursday, 10 September 2026
Chorley 5-2 Darlington, Tuesday 8th September 2026
***I'm having a problem uploading photos at mo.
Chorley 5-2 Darlington, National League North, Victory Park, att. c.700
There I was, comparing Northern Premier League games with local(ish) FA Cup replays when I spotted Darlo were at Chorley. Well, who wouldn’t rather go to a game with Darlo fan SuperKev, rather than tick off a new ground? Sometimes, it’s just nice to have company at a game, and as I told him pre-match, it was win-win for me. Darlo win, I’m happy, Darlo lose, and I can enjoy watching Kev suffer. Tonite is very much the latter.
We went last season, a Satdy game, and partook in the train and drinks pre and post match. I really enjoyed it. Sadly, we’ve no time to enjoy town frivolities this time (though we did drive past the bus station, with its immortal tagline ‘Chorley, the best of Lancashire all in one place.’ One need never visit the rest of the county.) We were already cutting it fine to visit a local hostelry, but the traffic was a nightmare, as motorway merged into motorway around Manchester.
We park up in an estate by the ground and walk through the park behind the main stand. What were the away turnstiles last season aren’t open. Maybe Darlo’s idiots don’t travel, midweek? Anyway, there’s no segregation and we walk around and gain entrance with everybody else. £3 cheaper in advance too. The blurb makes reference to buying it a day before, but Kev got mine in at 5pm, so one to be aware of (like at Marine, where we bought our tickets online at the turnstile, to save 2 quid!)
The social club is VAST, with half a dozen on more large tellies hanging off the wall. Do we stay in and watch Champs Lge, or savour the 6th tier? 6th tier wins, and we discover an outdoor bar with loads of picnic tables too. Even better, they’ve nailed up scarves of all colours and creeds on the fence around the bar, making it look like a giant outdoor stall at one of them Big Stadia. Kev’s not too happy about seeing a Spennymoor Town one though, and, even worse, it’s adjacent to a Darlo scarf. The Pride of County Durham, together!
We eschew the home end, a sizeable terrace which begins a few yards behind the perimeter fence, and lean on the barrier by the side of the pitch. The ground looks empty. There’s Villa on the telly, Bolton at home down the road and the Autumn cold is coming in. I wish I’d brought my hat.
Still, not penned into one end, I get to admire the couple of bizarre stands on this side. One looks like a glorified garden shed/’shoffice’ with half a dozen of them seats I only ever see in Premiership dugouts stood on a raised patio. This must be the exec section, though there’s no takers tonite, till 4 young Darlo fans make it their home, second half, to bait home fans about the size of their support. At least one act of defiance from Darlo. The team are losing four-nil.
Another small stand is perched precariously off the banking and reminds me of Bojack Horseman’s residence in Hollywood. (THERE’S a niche comparison!) Poles carrying the weight of the building above, in this case, seating of maybe 30. Must be incredible views. We should’ve gone up and joined the two fans sitting up there. We did enjoy some interaction though, as the mature lady on the front row dropped her walking stick and Kev and I did our good deed for the day, fishing it up from behind the perimeter fence. Any excuse to miss some of the match.
Ah, the match. Not much of a match. As in, these teams weren’t very well matched. 3 nil at half-time (and a missed penalty) turned into 4 10 mins into the 2nd half. Would Darlo match their 8-0 rout of a few years back here? Thankfully not. Subs on, game changed and Darlo pulled 2 back on 74 and 79. At this rate, we might see a draw. But it was to no avail. A poor backpass sealed the 5th, before a late sending off for sub Routledge, who’d pioneered the comeback. Booked for ‘helping’ a grounded Chorley player to his feet, it was a talking-to at best, but the ref carded him and after a several seconds appeared to realise he’d already booked him, so brought out the red. A lively half an hour for the sub, who’d also scored both Quakers’ goals.
The Damage:
£17 ent*
£9 2 pints of Wainwright Gold. Very average.
= £26
*Kev treated me.
Chorley 5-2 Darlington, National League North, Victory Park, att. c.700
There I was, comparing Northern Premier League games with local(ish) FA Cup replays when I spotted Darlo were at Chorley. Well, who wouldn’t rather go to a game with Darlo fan SuperKev, rather than tick off a new ground? Sometimes, it’s just nice to have company at a game, and as I told him pre-match, it was win-win for me. Darlo win, I’m happy, Darlo lose, and I can enjoy watching Kev suffer. Tonite is very much the latter.
We went last season, a Satdy game, and partook in the train and drinks pre and post match. I really enjoyed it. Sadly, we’ve no time to enjoy town frivolities this time (though we did drive past the bus station, with its immortal tagline ‘Chorley, the best of Lancashire all in one place.’ One need never visit the rest of the county.) We were already cutting it fine to visit a local hostelry, but the traffic was a nightmare, as motorway merged into motorway around Manchester.
We park up in an estate by the ground and walk through the park behind the main stand. What were the away turnstiles last season aren’t open. Maybe Darlo’s idiots don’t travel, midweek? Anyway, there’s no segregation and we walk around and gain entrance with everybody else. £3 cheaper in advance too. The blurb makes reference to buying it a day before, but Kev got mine in at 5pm, so one to be aware of (like at Marine, where we bought our tickets online at the turnstile, to save 2 quid!)
The social club is VAST, with half a dozen on more large tellies hanging off the wall. Do we stay in and watch Champs Lge, or savour the 6th tier? 6th tier wins, and we discover an outdoor bar with loads of picnic tables too. Even better, they’ve nailed up scarves of all colours and creeds on the fence around the bar, making it look like a giant outdoor stall at one of them Big Stadia. Kev’s not too happy about seeing a Spennymoor Town one though, and, even worse, it’s adjacent to a Darlo scarf. The Pride of County Durham, together!
We eschew the home end, a sizeable terrace which begins a few yards behind the perimeter fence, and lean on the barrier by the side of the pitch. The ground looks empty. There’s Villa on the telly, Bolton at home down the road and the Autumn cold is coming in. I wish I’d brought my hat.
Still, not penned into one end, I get to admire the couple of bizarre stands on this side. One looks like a glorified garden shed/’shoffice’ with half a dozen of them seats I only ever see in Premiership dugouts stood on a raised patio. This must be the exec section, though there’s no takers tonite, till 4 young Darlo fans make it their home, second half, to bait home fans about the size of their support. At least one act of defiance from Darlo. The team are losing four-nil.
Another small stand is perched precariously off the banking and reminds me of Bojack Horseman’s residence in Hollywood. (THERE’S a niche comparison!) Poles carrying the weight of the building above, in this case, seating of maybe 30. Must be incredible views. We should’ve gone up and joined the two fans sitting up there. We did enjoy some interaction though, as the mature lady on the front row dropped her walking stick and Kev and I did our good deed for the day, fishing it up from behind the perimeter fence. Any excuse to miss some of the match.
Ah, the match. Not much of a match. As in, these teams weren’t very well matched. 3 nil at half-time (and a missed penalty) turned into 4 10 mins into the 2nd half. Would Darlo match their 8-0 rout of a few years back here? Thankfully not. Subs on, game changed and Darlo pulled 2 back on 74 and 79. At this rate, we might see a draw. But it was to no avail. A poor backpass sealed the 5th, before a late sending off for sub Routledge, who’d pioneered the comeback. Booked for ‘helping’ a grounded Chorley player to his feet, it was a talking-to at best, but the ref carded him and after a several seconds appeared to realise he’d already booked him, so brought out the red. A lively half an hour for the sub, who’d also scored both Quakers’ goals.
The Damage:
£17 ent*
£9 2 pints of Wainwright Gold. Very average.
= £26
*Kev treated me.
Monday, 7 September 2026
BFC 1-5 Stevenage, Satdy 5th September 2026
***I can't add photos for some reason. Bear with me while I try to understand technology.
‘He was born 50.’
Rumours of our resurrection have been greatly exaggerated. Satdy was simply embarrassing. Catastrophic. Disgusting. Unacceptable. And all the other hyperbole for an absolute sh*tshow. It’s bad enough being beaten by a non-lge team, but to concede 5 is something else. And to see my team, our team, simply GIVE UP in the second half was beyond the pale.
The way we’ve played this season, I could see us taking a beating off someone. You can’t play a back 2 (at times) and not expect the opposition to find holes. But this wasn’t the case Satdy. Stevenage didn’t sit back and hit us on the break. That second period was spent mostly in our half of the pitch, as we had forwards who couldn’t hold onto it, midfielders who couldn’t pass it and defenders who…Christ, the defenders. Trades Description Act and all that.
Yet it started so well. Half an hour in, we were leading one nil and seemed destined for more. ‘Will today be one of them stress-free 2, 3, 4 goals to nil?’, I mused. Diane doubted it. McGeehan had put us a goal up from the spot after Kelly’s shot was saved by a Stevenage defender masquerading as their goalkeeper. So far, so good. If we ignore Kirk missing an open goal from 4 yards. I’m sorry, but whether the cross took a deflection or not, he’s got a clear view of the ball, all the way to his swipe of it. You know what they say about a goal ‘doing wonders for a striker’s confidence’? Well, since that goal at Orient, he’s missed 2 open goals. He only scores when he’s concussed, and I bet there’d be a queue at Oakwell if he offers to let fans smack him in the face. Bloody useless, he is.
Stevenage (I’d use their nickname, but does anybody know it? Can they still be ‘The Boro’ if they’d dropped the only thing that’s interesting about them, their previous name of ‘Stevenage Borough’? Is this pure sour grapes? (No. I always think this.)) Am I waffling? Am I trying to take my mind OFF the game, rather than ON it? You betcha. They make a tactical sub on 23 – never too early in my book, if it’s all going wrong – and gradually they haul themselves in. Still, it’s a surprise when they score, but it’s up there with Stan and Ollie carrying some new glazing across a busy street.
A Stevo (that’ll do) smacks it against the bar and the ball goes up into the stratosphere. Ravenhill tracks it…then he doesn’t. Blinded by the sun, presumably. Another player who must be blinded by the sun (presumably he’s got eyes in the back of his head, cos he wasn’t looking at it) is McGeehan, who stands and gawps at it while the centre forward steps forward to divert in his own rebound off the back of his head. Now go and watch this on replay. You’ll notice this big, strapping forward not marked THROUGHOUT THIS MOVE. When the ball doesn’t go in first time, he checks back and he’s free throughout. Now, it’s true, the centre halves are marking players, but when the ball comes back in, right in the centre of the 6 yard box, HE’S ON HIS OWN. It’s someone’s fault, that’s all I’m saying.
Still, it’s half-time, we go again. We’re obviously the better team. It takes 7 minutes for The Boro to go ahead. Now, I have to cheat here and watch it again on t’gogglebox, cos I simply can’t remember how many mistakes there are before their player bundles it in on the back post. A free kick is pumped towards our box. We lose that header. Gale wins the next header, but flicks it on as if he’s playing for them. (Maybe he is?) Kay’s now got no choice but to flick it on again and all their bloke has to do is turn and get it on target, with Bland dangling a leg as it passes him by. Possibly as funny as their opener. Harold Lloyd to the previous Laurel and Hardy.
‘Plenty of time for us to score 2’ I say. If you substitute ‘us’ for ‘them’ and ‘2’ for ‘3’ I’d say I was bang on. 5 minutes later it’s 1-3. Have we left our half since the last goal? A left wing corner is flicked straight in. Simples. Contrast this with our corners on that side. Cleary kicks it short to someone, who passes it back to Cleary, who now tries to take the defender on to try and get a cross in. Madness. (Also, on one of our corners, our centre halves DON’T EVEN GO UP FOR IT. This is taking ‘new tictacs’ to a whole new level. Who doesn’t put their tallest players in the box for a corner? Who doesn’t put the ball in on a corner? (Barcelona, if you must know, in peak tiki-taka years. But you know what? They were the best team in the world. They had players like Messi. In fact, they had Messi. Et-f***ing-cetera. WE ARE NOT BARCELONA. JUST GET THE BALL F***ING IN.))
Stendel decides now is the time for the cavalry. Or it’s the time to put up the white flag. He’s taking off star man Cleary for Alker, and Former Captain Marvel Connell for Bland. I cheer Connell’s name...then get a chuckle for announcing ‘only joking!’ It’s come to this. Oh, and we’d already made 2 subs at HT, Richards coming on for re-debutant Larkeche (does he get 2 different alumni numbers for being here twice?) and the ineffectual Kirk replaced by his doppelganger, Farrell.*
*by doppelganger, I mean they’re both as useless as each other. But they try. And are trying. Very.
Anyway, the changes work. We hold Stevenage at bay for 6 minutes this time. This is possibly my favourite of their goals, cos I felt I could savour it in real time. It felt like their player had the ball for 5 minutes while Kelly and McGeehan refused to tackle him, and by the time they realise there might be some danger (they may have seen the white line of the penalty area) their bod has unleashed a daisy-cutter into the far corner. One bloody four and I think this is the main cue for the stands to empty. I don’t mind this. Makes me feel more part of an exclusive masochistic club.
Anyway, they give us a breather and the Aussie bloke comes on for the last 15. I hope he said thanks to Daniel, cos, by now, what’s the point? It’s clear no Barnsley player wants the ball. Nobody moves when we do have it and it starts feeling like every ball is a Connell chip forward to no-mans land, even when it isn’t Connell. It’s appalling stuff and I can’t get enough of it.
And the cherry on the icing on the cake, the coup de gras, the piece de resistance, the...last play of note rightfully goes to Stevenage. We are into injury time, 93rd minute, and ANOTHER COMEDY GOAL. A harmless (ho ho) ball in comes from the left and Kay somehow gets under it, and it goes over his head, leaving their bloke no choice but to sweep it in. Embarrassing.
Onwards and upwards!
*** No-one. I don’t care that we played well for half an hour. That second half was an embarrassment.
** No-one. If anyone tells me anybody played better than ‘No-one’ I WILL SCREAM.
* No-one. Hopefully this is the one for the season. Goalkeeper, Defence. Midfield. Up top. Absolute garbage.
Official MOTM: McGeehan (a captain’s performance!)
Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Kelly 2. Kay 3. McGeehan
Despatches:
Nevermind the match, you should see the NEW IMPROVED HICKSY!!!! Back from death’s door, he’s a new man. Looks great, sounds even better, and without going into detail (ask him yourself) how utterly, utterly awesome that a second medical opinion has provided him with drugs that actually HELP rather than HINDER his performance. Good to have you back, pal.
Which leads me to those ‘MIA’ (Missing in Action). How dare Farnham go off on holiday and enjoy himself while we watch this rot. How very dare Lord Selwood go to Manchester Psychefest and potentially see The Beta Band and Angine de Poitrine (especially as I planned on going, but left it too late to get a ticket). But spare a thought for Nice Guy Chris, who couldn’t make it cos Dougal the cat (not named after fly by nite Reds Aussie midfielder…I think) needed the emergency vet. Anyway, Hicksy knows a good health practitioner. Dougal...get well soon, mate.
I can’t be bothered to obliterate each player via the medium of text, but I will mention that Ravenhill looked nervous and nearly gifted them a third, before they actually did. That battering could’ve been even worse. It’s up there (down there) with the worst second half performance I have ever seen from the ‘Super’ Reds. Even a Hourihane-inspired second half didn’t give us THIS last season. (Tho granted, EVERY second half was bad last season.)
ps, it was my new replica shirt’s debut. Lucky shirt or what!?
pps, if you’re at a loose end in town pre-match, get to the town hall and check out the town’s museum ‘Experience’ including a decent section on the Reds.
ppps, since the players have gone on holiday, so am I, so I’ll be missing the next 3 games. I look forward to in-depth coverage and positive critiques of all the players I don’t rate.
Drink du jour: Beartown Inception at Spiral.
Away: 129 (9,446). ‘We want 6. We want 6.’ Embarrassing. (Us, not them.)
The Damage:
18.22 ent
£8 petrol
= £26.22
(Season ticket £419...so 419 divided by how many league games I see and I’ve missed none so far. So £419/23)
‘He was born 50.’
Rumours of our resurrection have been greatly exaggerated. Satdy was simply embarrassing. Catastrophic. Disgusting. Unacceptable. And all the other hyperbole for an absolute sh*tshow. It’s bad enough being beaten by a non-lge team, but to concede 5 is something else. And to see my team, our team, simply GIVE UP in the second half was beyond the pale.
The way we’ve played this season, I could see us taking a beating off someone. You can’t play a back 2 (at times) and not expect the opposition to find holes. But this wasn’t the case Satdy. Stevenage didn’t sit back and hit us on the break. That second period was spent mostly in our half of the pitch, as we had forwards who couldn’t hold onto it, midfielders who couldn’t pass it and defenders who…Christ, the defenders. Trades Description Act and all that.
Yet it started so well. Half an hour in, we were leading one nil and seemed destined for more. ‘Will today be one of them stress-free 2, 3, 4 goals to nil?’, I mused. Diane doubted it. McGeehan had put us a goal up from the spot after Kelly’s shot was saved by a Stevenage defender masquerading as their goalkeeper. So far, so good. If we ignore Kirk missing an open goal from 4 yards. I’m sorry, but whether the cross took a deflection or not, he’s got a clear view of the ball, all the way to his swipe of it. You know what they say about a goal ‘doing wonders for a striker’s confidence’? Well, since that goal at Orient, he’s missed 2 open goals. He only scores when he’s concussed, and I bet there’d be a queue at Oakwell if he offers to let fans smack him in the face. Bloody useless, he is.
Stevenage (I’d use their nickname, but does anybody know it? Can they still be ‘The Boro’ if they’d dropped the only thing that’s interesting about them, their previous name of ‘Stevenage Borough’? Is this pure sour grapes? (No. I always think this.)) Am I waffling? Am I trying to take my mind OFF the game, rather than ON it? You betcha. They make a tactical sub on 23 – never too early in my book, if it’s all going wrong – and gradually they haul themselves in. Still, it’s a surprise when they score, but it’s up there with Stan and Ollie carrying some new glazing across a busy street.
A Stevo (that’ll do) smacks it against the bar and the ball goes up into the stratosphere. Ravenhill tracks it…then he doesn’t. Blinded by the sun, presumably. Another player who must be blinded by the sun (presumably he’s got eyes in the back of his head, cos he wasn’t looking at it) is McGeehan, who stands and gawps at it while the centre forward steps forward to divert in his own rebound off the back of his head. Now go and watch this on replay. You’ll notice this big, strapping forward not marked THROUGHOUT THIS MOVE. When the ball doesn’t go in first time, he checks back and he’s free throughout. Now, it’s true, the centre halves are marking players, but when the ball comes back in, right in the centre of the 6 yard box, HE’S ON HIS OWN. It’s someone’s fault, that’s all I’m saying.
Still, it’s half-time, we go again. We’re obviously the better team. It takes 7 minutes for The Boro to go ahead. Now, I have to cheat here and watch it again on t’gogglebox, cos I simply can’t remember how many mistakes there are before their player bundles it in on the back post. A free kick is pumped towards our box. We lose that header. Gale wins the next header, but flicks it on as if he’s playing for them. (Maybe he is?) Kay’s now got no choice but to flick it on again and all their bloke has to do is turn and get it on target, with Bland dangling a leg as it passes him by. Possibly as funny as their opener. Harold Lloyd to the previous Laurel and Hardy.
‘Plenty of time for us to score 2’ I say. If you substitute ‘us’ for ‘them’ and ‘2’ for ‘3’ I’d say I was bang on. 5 minutes later it’s 1-3. Have we left our half since the last goal? A left wing corner is flicked straight in. Simples. Contrast this with our corners on that side. Cleary kicks it short to someone, who passes it back to Cleary, who now tries to take the defender on to try and get a cross in. Madness. (Also, on one of our corners, our centre halves DON’T EVEN GO UP FOR IT. This is taking ‘new tictacs’ to a whole new level. Who doesn’t put their tallest players in the box for a corner? Who doesn’t put the ball in on a corner? (Barcelona, if you must know, in peak tiki-taka years. But you know what? They were the best team in the world. They had players like Messi. In fact, they had Messi. Et-f***ing-cetera. WE ARE NOT BARCELONA. JUST GET THE BALL F***ING IN.))
Stendel decides now is the time for the cavalry. Or it’s the time to put up the white flag. He’s taking off star man Cleary for Alker, and Former Captain Marvel Connell for Bland. I cheer Connell’s name...then get a chuckle for announcing ‘only joking!’ It’s come to this. Oh, and we’d already made 2 subs at HT, Richards coming on for re-debutant Larkeche (does he get 2 different alumni numbers for being here twice?) and the ineffectual Kirk replaced by his doppelganger, Farrell.*
*by doppelganger, I mean they’re both as useless as each other. But they try. And are trying. Very.
Anyway, the changes work. We hold Stevenage at bay for 6 minutes this time. This is possibly my favourite of their goals, cos I felt I could savour it in real time. It felt like their player had the ball for 5 minutes while Kelly and McGeehan refused to tackle him, and by the time they realise there might be some danger (they may have seen the white line of the penalty area) their bod has unleashed a daisy-cutter into the far corner. One bloody four and I think this is the main cue for the stands to empty. I don’t mind this. Makes me feel more part of an exclusive masochistic club.
Anyway, they give us a breather and the Aussie bloke comes on for the last 15. I hope he said thanks to Daniel, cos, by now, what’s the point? It’s clear no Barnsley player wants the ball. Nobody moves when we do have it and it starts feeling like every ball is a Connell chip forward to no-mans land, even when it isn’t Connell. It’s appalling stuff and I can’t get enough of it.
And the cherry on the icing on the cake, the coup de gras, the piece de resistance, the...last play of note rightfully goes to Stevenage. We are into injury time, 93rd minute, and ANOTHER COMEDY GOAL. A harmless (ho ho) ball in comes from the left and Kay somehow gets under it, and it goes over his head, leaving their bloke no choice but to sweep it in. Embarrassing.
Onwards and upwards!
*** No-one. I don’t care that we played well for half an hour. That second half was an embarrassment.
** No-one. If anyone tells me anybody played better than ‘No-one’ I WILL SCREAM.
* No-one. Hopefully this is the one for the season. Goalkeeper, Defence. Midfield. Up top. Absolute garbage.
Official MOTM: McGeehan (a captain’s performance!)
Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Kelly 2. Kay 3. McGeehan
Despatches:
Nevermind the match, you should see the NEW IMPROVED HICKSY!!!! Back from death’s door, he’s a new man. Looks great, sounds even better, and without going into detail (ask him yourself) how utterly, utterly awesome that a second medical opinion has provided him with drugs that actually HELP rather than HINDER his performance. Good to have you back, pal.
Which leads me to those ‘MIA’ (Missing in Action). How dare Farnham go off on holiday and enjoy himself while we watch this rot. How very dare Lord Selwood go to Manchester Psychefest and potentially see The Beta Band and Angine de Poitrine (especially as I planned on going, but left it too late to get a ticket). But spare a thought for Nice Guy Chris, who couldn’t make it cos Dougal the cat (not named after fly by nite Reds Aussie midfielder…I think) needed the emergency vet. Anyway, Hicksy knows a good health practitioner. Dougal...get well soon, mate.
I can’t be bothered to obliterate each player via the medium of text, but I will mention that Ravenhill looked nervous and nearly gifted them a third, before they actually did. That battering could’ve been even worse. It’s up there (down there) with the worst second half performance I have ever seen from the ‘Super’ Reds. Even a Hourihane-inspired second half didn’t give us THIS last season. (Tho granted, EVERY second half was bad last season.)
ps, it was my new replica shirt’s debut. Lucky shirt or what!?
pps, if you’re at a loose end in town pre-match, get to the town hall and check out the town’s museum ‘Experience’ including a decent section on the Reds.
ppps, since the players have gone on holiday, so am I, so I’ll be missing the next 3 games. I look forward to in-depth coverage and positive critiques of all the players I don’t rate.
Drink du jour: Beartown Inception at Spiral.
Away: 129 (9,446). ‘We want 6. We want 6.’ Embarrassing. (Us, not them.)
The Damage:
18.22 ent
£8 petrol
= £26.22
(Season ticket £419...so 419 divided by how many league games I see and I’ve missed none so far. So £419/23)
Tuesday, 1 September 2026
Curzon Ashton 2-0 Ashton United, Monday 31st August 2026
*** currently unable to add photos. If i knew why, I'd do it!
Curzon Ashton 2-0 Ashton United, Northern Premier League Premier Division, Tameside Stadium, att. 705
I’ve received a text from one of my neighbours, John. It’s the Ashton derby on Bank Holiday Monday. Do I fancy it? John’s not even a football fan, but he’s keen to support our new neighbour, Aidan, who’s only the goalkeeper of Curzon Ashton! We’d talked previously of going to see him/them, but I was away when they played at one of our local teams Emley. My only problem is I’m missing out on my 2nd team Darlington playing at Radcliffe, but whatthehell. I’m in. We also rope in Dan, who’s the meat in John and I’s house sandwich.
I offer to drive, but I feel I’m impinging on John’s alpha status and I happily accede to his offer to be the chauffeur. It’s not often I ride in a BMW. It’s about 25 minutes to Ashton, but then probably another 25 minutes getting to the bit of Ashton where Curzon play, notwithstanding a road closure. I have a horrible feeling the car park will be full by the time we pull up, but I’ve never seen so many spaces in it. I guess the sports facility that’s usually teeming is strangely under-utilised today, because the attendance at the match is nearly double what I’m used to here. There’s actually a queue at the turnstile. John is unfortunately blind-sided by a 14 quid entry. ‘I thought it’d be about a fiver.’
We go in the home end. I’ve never seen the Tameside Stadium segregated before, but the large roofed terrace opposite the main stand has been given over to Ashton United today. We decide we’ll stand behind this near goal, in order to give Aidan our ‘support’. But what’s this? There was a roof here last time, albeit one cobbled together with scaffolding. Where’s it gone? And the huge scoreboard on the corner. That’s disappeared too. Cost-cutting with relegation? Let’s hope it doesn’t rain. (It does. At one point, it chucks it down.)
We haven’t told Aidan we’re coming, but I think he hears me when United get a corner and I announce ‘this keeper’s susceptible!’. I’m not sure he gets barracked with ‘susceptible’ much. Or it could be that my accent stands out and he recognises it. Either way, he deals with any cross or throughball to perfection, while his only challenge 1st half is to control a bouncing backpass. United are strangely not up to much.
With hindsight, the game is decided as early as the 3rd minute when Brad Holmes shoots home. He doubles the lead just after the half hour mark and it really is easy for the home side. Ashton’s followers take solace in chanting ‘we’ve got more fans than you’, which, although probably true in general, isn’t quite the case today amongst the 705 in attendance.
Half-time comes and the lads are hungry, so they go under the main stand to scout some scran, while I queue up at the social club for more beer. This is as close to ‘proper football’ as we get today, as it takes both parties till the second half has begun to be served. I can’t help but think there’s inefficiencies in the drinks’ service. Why doesn’t one staff member just stand there pouring pints while the other serves? Or even (radical thought) get a 3rd member of staff in there? This is a derby, you’d think they’d be warned. In the food queue, burgers and pies run out by the time John and Dan reach the front and they take what’s left: chips covered in curry sauce. Still, it’s something.
We plan to go to the far end this time, another open terrace, but it’s not immediately clear how we get there. Probably why there’s only about half a dozen at this end. I tell the lads to ‘follow me’ as I guide us up the stand, along the back, and down again. Yes, there’s a way through. This time, there’s no mistaking us and in a break of play Aidan comes over, says hi and thanks us for coming. Thank YOU.
At least this half, he’s forced to make a save, as he races out to block a close range effort. Otherwise, the main ‘action’ is a United player crashing into the perimeter fence and (we think) breaking his wrist. It doesn’t look good, and play is held up for 5 minutes. Still, it’s not often I chat with a player during a game.
Otherwise, the half is fairly devoid of action. Curzon look happy to see it out, while United look incapable of making a game of it. Before kick-off, Ashton were slightly ahead, having made a better start to the season, but this win sees Curzon overtake them. The home side have ambitions of challenging for promotion and after a statement 3-1 win at league leaders Cleethorpes on the previous Friday, are looking good. Onwards and upwards! Good luck Aidan!
The Damage:
£14 ent
£16.30 2 pints of Staropramen and a Worthingtons
= £30.30
Curzon Ashton 2-0 Ashton United, Northern Premier League Premier Division, Tameside Stadium, att. 705
I’ve received a text from one of my neighbours, John. It’s the Ashton derby on Bank Holiday Monday. Do I fancy it? John’s not even a football fan, but he’s keen to support our new neighbour, Aidan, who’s only the goalkeeper of Curzon Ashton! We’d talked previously of going to see him/them, but I was away when they played at one of our local teams Emley. My only problem is I’m missing out on my 2nd team Darlington playing at Radcliffe, but whatthehell. I’m in. We also rope in Dan, who’s the meat in John and I’s house sandwich.
I offer to drive, but I feel I’m impinging on John’s alpha status and I happily accede to his offer to be the chauffeur. It’s not often I ride in a BMW. It’s about 25 minutes to Ashton, but then probably another 25 minutes getting to the bit of Ashton where Curzon play, notwithstanding a road closure. I have a horrible feeling the car park will be full by the time we pull up, but I’ve never seen so many spaces in it. I guess the sports facility that’s usually teeming is strangely under-utilised today, because the attendance at the match is nearly double what I’m used to here. There’s actually a queue at the turnstile. John is unfortunately blind-sided by a 14 quid entry. ‘I thought it’d be about a fiver.’
We go in the home end. I’ve never seen the Tameside Stadium segregated before, but the large roofed terrace opposite the main stand has been given over to Ashton United today. We decide we’ll stand behind this near goal, in order to give Aidan our ‘support’. But what’s this? There was a roof here last time, albeit one cobbled together with scaffolding. Where’s it gone? And the huge scoreboard on the corner. That’s disappeared too. Cost-cutting with relegation? Let’s hope it doesn’t rain. (It does. At one point, it chucks it down.)
We haven’t told Aidan we’re coming, but I think he hears me when United get a corner and I announce ‘this keeper’s susceptible!’. I’m not sure he gets barracked with ‘susceptible’ much. Or it could be that my accent stands out and he recognises it. Either way, he deals with any cross or throughball to perfection, while his only challenge 1st half is to control a bouncing backpass. United are strangely not up to much.
With hindsight, the game is decided as early as the 3rd minute when Brad Holmes shoots home. He doubles the lead just after the half hour mark and it really is easy for the home side. Ashton’s followers take solace in chanting ‘we’ve got more fans than you’, which, although probably true in general, isn’t quite the case today amongst the 705 in attendance.
Half-time comes and the lads are hungry, so they go under the main stand to scout some scran, while I queue up at the social club for more beer. This is as close to ‘proper football’ as we get today, as it takes both parties till the second half has begun to be served. I can’t help but think there’s inefficiencies in the drinks’ service. Why doesn’t one staff member just stand there pouring pints while the other serves? Or even (radical thought) get a 3rd member of staff in there? This is a derby, you’d think they’d be warned. In the food queue, burgers and pies run out by the time John and Dan reach the front and they take what’s left: chips covered in curry sauce. Still, it’s something.
We plan to go to the far end this time, another open terrace, but it’s not immediately clear how we get there. Probably why there’s only about half a dozen at this end. I tell the lads to ‘follow me’ as I guide us up the stand, along the back, and down again. Yes, there’s a way through. This time, there’s no mistaking us and in a break of play Aidan comes over, says hi and thanks us for coming. Thank YOU.
At least this half, he’s forced to make a save, as he races out to block a close range effort. Otherwise, the main ‘action’ is a United player crashing into the perimeter fence and (we think) breaking his wrist. It doesn’t look good, and play is held up for 5 minutes. Still, it’s not often I chat with a player during a game.
Otherwise, the half is fairly devoid of action. Curzon look happy to see it out, while United look incapable of making a game of it. Before kick-off, Ashton were slightly ahead, having made a better start to the season, but this win sees Curzon overtake them. The home side have ambitions of challenging for promotion and after a statement 3-1 win at league leaders Cleethorpes on the previous Friday, are looking good. Onwards and upwards! Good luck Aidan!
The Damage:
£14 ent
£16.30 2 pints of Staropramen and a Worthingtons
= £30.30
Monday, 4 May 2026
BFC 1-3 Stockport County, Saturday 2nd May 2026
‘F***ing disgusting. F***ing outrageous.’
Well, I’m glad that’s over. We can all have 3 months off now and watch England fail instead. I’m reminded of the Orient manager’s quote at the weekend about it being a wasted year, coaching the (crap) players at his club. I know the feeling. I’ve wasted a year of my supporting life on a side where 3 of the top 4 league starters were Luca Connell (39), Jack Shepherd (37) and ‘Jono’ Bland (32). No wonder we struggled. Still, after a magnificent tail-off in what form we did have, we’ve now finished in our worst league position since the days of Dire, (2002-03, 19th). Note: Isiah the Messiah came in for an injured Dire and saved us with a late winner at home to Brentford in our last home game. Sorry kids, but I’m dealing with facts, not opinions, on this one.
We have finished 15th, below the mighty Doncaster Rovers. I also notice that we’ve swapped positions with Mansfield Town (now 10th) since a certain Jon Russell was deemed ‘surplus to requirements’. Oh well. Roughly 30 games of Connell and Bland neither setting owt up, nor scoring, nor protecting our defence. Shepherd being the WOAT (Worst of all Time) centre half, his partnership (is that the right word?) with Roberts being the worst in memory. Why have 2 centre halves who can’t defend, can’t control a ball, and can’t pass a ball, when you can have 2? At the same time!? And left backs who can’t kick it with their left foot? It’s been so bad that Earl returning at fullback has been a RELIEF. And he’s poor as well.
Which is as close as I can get to a link back to the game. We’re however many minutes in when Earl plays a suicidal ball across the back straight to their player. Why the mad Hatter elects to control it, rather than simply sidefoot it past today’s ineptitude in goal (Flavell) I know not. The extra touch costs him and MdG is in on the block. Flavell then makes a couple of routine saves, and you start thinking, hang on, he might just have the basics, when…he lets an innocuous cross slip through his grasp for a tap-in on the line. Awful. This is why he can’t be trusted with being our first choice. Though blaming him for not being good enough is like blaming Shepherd for being picked. God apparently loves triers, so he must adore this pair. (Mind, who’s on the backpost losing his man? Why, it’s Captain Marvel himself, but I can forgive him this one. You expect your keeper to be able to CATCH a ball...don’t you?)
We settle back, expecting Stockport to run riot now. They need a win to make sure of a play-off place (having been turned over at home to relegated Port Vale midweek) while we have nothing to play for, beyond new contracts for those facing unemployment in the summer (MdG, O’Connell and Phillips of those on display). But Cleary is showing glimmers of what he was before February; a winger who can beat a player and put a ball in. We may get something yet.
And so it is we equalize. Phillips has already had a header saved when he flicks another one goalwards from a Connell free kick. The keeper pulls off an absolute WORLDY, but is slow to get up as O’Keeffe hooks the rebound back across goal for Adam to head in on the goalline. 10 minutes later, Phillips’ reward for being the most likely to score (indeed, for being the one to score) is to be hooked. A good chance to see sub Lennon on the wing. Or getting lost in the middle (cheers, Conor).
We go behind on 71 to one of the most bizarre decisions of a season of bizarre decisions. O’Connell clearly tackles their guy. It’s not even in dispute. The ball trickles towards the wing. Their guy goes down and I’m not even sure why. I am as perplexed as anybody when the ref points to the spot. As is my Blunt mate, who expresses his surprise in greater vocality than I. I’m just dumbfounded. Maybe I’d open my mouth if there was something riding on it, but I’m just in shock. Who cares? It makes no difference to our season. 1-2. For all the penalties awarded against us this season, have we saved one?
Thereafter, Coach Conor sends on Marc Roberts to save the game. Or give us his last hurrah. There is no ‘we all dream of a team of Marc Roberts’. A pity, as this is our 2nd funniest chant after Luca Connell ‘putting on a show’ (where’s that disappeared to?) MdG is pulled. Goodbye Mael. I don’t suppose we’ll give you another contract, not that you’d want one. I liked you, even if plenty found in you a scapegoat. (Still, difficult to blame him when he wasn’t playing!) Farrell is also on for Bradshaw; like Roberts, another player who’ll be fondly remembered only for his 1st stint with us.
The changes make no difference, so off go the Undynamic Duo (Connell and Bland) with Nwakali and Banks coming on. I’ve no idea what the formation is, but we put everyone in their half, so when Nwakali loses the ball in injury time, their player is clean through from his own territory. And while it’s cruel to compare Flavell to the likes of Luke Steele, the one thing I can say about the latter is that he always saved one-on-ones. Flavell doesn’t, and he doesn’t. 1-3. Thank goodness that’s all over.
Anyway, goodbye to this team. If you need a reason to be cheerful, we’ll never see this line up again (4-2-3-1):
Flavell O’Keeffe MdG O’Connell Earl Connell Bland Phillips Kelly Cleary Bradshaw
Onwards and upwards!
*** Cleary. Beat players, whipped in crosses. Hopefully will tempt clubs into dangling a few mill our way.
** Kelly. Not his strongest game, but he’s that far ahead of what we have...Patrick, it’s been a pleasure seeing you develop, put your all into every game, having some personal and professional pride in every appearance while attempting to drag the team up by the scruff of its neck. I also apologise that you’ve had to bear such responsibility on your young shoulders. I can only wish you well in your career development and hope you do your new club proud, whoever it might be. So long, and thanks for all the fish. But if you’re still with us in September, you need a new agent. (Note to BFC: don’t sell him cheap.)
* Phillips. Scored. Nobody else did (for us).
Official MOTM: Kelly
Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Cleary 2= Kelly / MdG / Phillips
Despatches:
I see we gave McGoldrick the POTY trophy. Not bad for 3 months off, plus another month at the end. Nice to see it being awarded at some exec function, midweek, too. Must make an extra few hundred quid out of it, rather than have it unveiled pre-match in front of the whole crowd. The club are always on the lookout for ideas of how to get fans to Oakwell early, in the hope they buy an extra pie. I can look back on the anticipation I used to feel with fondness.
In other moans, the club announce the game as all-ticket 2 days before the match. 2 days! Presumably this was a SYP directive, normally attuned to a capacity away end. Some of us DON’T actually hang on every word that comes out of Oakwell, so big thanks to whichever Londontyke informed me, cos it meant I had to buy a ticket for my mate. I realise we we wouldn’t have sold too many tickets on walk-up sales, but still.
And who next for our manager/head coach? Hugo Colace was in the crowd, but I can’t see it being him. You don’t go from Bangor City to Barnsley. (Mind, we gave Coach Conor the job, and he’d not managed ANYWHERE!) Of the runners and riders, I’d accept a Staniel Dendal back. Correct, he couldn’t defend either, but that was in a division higher than this. Though admittedly, it’s gonna be a mammoth task given the players we currently have. But one has to be optimistic. We’re shipping out a lot of chaff (while keeping plenty more). A new manager...ANY new manager...can only improve on this season...can’t they?
See you in August.
Drink du jour: Beartown Inception in Spiral.
Away: 2,609 (12,940). And South Yorkshire’s finest made it all ticket...for this?
The Damage:
£8 petrol
£4 prog
£31 replica shirt
= £43
One more thing. Official POTY was McGoldrick (despite having 3 months off). Londontykes POTY was the supreme Patrick Kelly (2nd Cleary, 3rd McG). Not everyone let us down this season.
We have finished 15th, below the mighty Doncaster Rovers. I also notice that we’ve swapped positions with Mansfield Town (now 10th) since a certain Jon Russell was deemed ‘surplus to requirements’. Oh well. Roughly 30 games of Connell and Bland neither setting owt up, nor scoring, nor protecting our defence. Shepherd being the WOAT (Worst of all Time) centre half, his partnership (is that the right word?) with Roberts being the worst in memory. Why have 2 centre halves who can’t defend, can’t control a ball, and can’t pass a ball, when you can have 2? At the same time!? And left backs who can’t kick it with their left foot? It’s been so bad that Earl returning at fullback has been a RELIEF. And he’s poor as well.
Which is as close as I can get to a link back to the game. We’re however many minutes in when Earl plays a suicidal ball across the back straight to their player. Why the mad Hatter elects to control it, rather than simply sidefoot it past today’s ineptitude in goal (Flavell) I know not. The extra touch costs him and MdG is in on the block. Flavell then makes a couple of routine saves, and you start thinking, hang on, he might just have the basics, when…he lets an innocuous cross slip through his grasp for a tap-in on the line. Awful. This is why he can’t be trusted with being our first choice. Though blaming him for not being good enough is like blaming Shepherd for being picked. God apparently loves triers, so he must adore this pair. (Mind, who’s on the backpost losing his man? Why, it’s Captain Marvel himself, but I can forgive him this one. You expect your keeper to be able to CATCH a ball...don’t you?)
We settle back, expecting Stockport to run riot now. They need a win to make sure of a play-off place (having been turned over at home to relegated Port Vale midweek) while we have nothing to play for, beyond new contracts for those facing unemployment in the summer (MdG, O’Connell and Phillips of those on display). But Cleary is showing glimmers of what he was before February; a winger who can beat a player and put a ball in. We may get something yet.
And so it is we equalize. Phillips has already had a header saved when he flicks another one goalwards from a Connell free kick. The keeper pulls off an absolute WORLDY, but is slow to get up as O’Keeffe hooks the rebound back across goal for Adam to head in on the goalline. 10 minutes later, Phillips’ reward for being the most likely to score (indeed, for being the one to score) is to be hooked. A good chance to see sub Lennon on the wing. Or getting lost in the middle (cheers, Conor).
We go behind on 71 to one of the most bizarre decisions of a season of bizarre decisions. O’Connell clearly tackles their guy. It’s not even in dispute. The ball trickles towards the wing. Their guy goes down and I’m not even sure why. I am as perplexed as anybody when the ref points to the spot. As is my Blunt mate, who expresses his surprise in greater vocality than I. I’m just dumbfounded. Maybe I’d open my mouth if there was something riding on it, but I’m just in shock. Who cares? It makes no difference to our season. 1-2. For all the penalties awarded against us this season, have we saved one?
Thereafter, Coach Conor sends on Marc Roberts to save the game. Or give us his last hurrah. There is no ‘we all dream of a team of Marc Roberts’. A pity, as this is our 2nd funniest chant after Luca Connell ‘putting on a show’ (where’s that disappeared to?) MdG is pulled. Goodbye Mael. I don’t suppose we’ll give you another contract, not that you’d want one. I liked you, even if plenty found in you a scapegoat. (Still, difficult to blame him when he wasn’t playing!) Farrell is also on for Bradshaw; like Roberts, another player who’ll be fondly remembered only for his 1st stint with us.
The changes make no difference, so off go the Undynamic Duo (Connell and Bland) with Nwakali and Banks coming on. I’ve no idea what the formation is, but we put everyone in their half, so when Nwakali loses the ball in injury time, their player is clean through from his own territory. And while it’s cruel to compare Flavell to the likes of Luke Steele, the one thing I can say about the latter is that he always saved one-on-ones. Flavell doesn’t, and he doesn’t. 1-3. Thank goodness that’s all over.
Anyway, goodbye to this team. If you need a reason to be cheerful, we’ll never see this line up again (4-2-3-1):
Flavell O’Keeffe MdG O’Connell Earl Connell Bland Phillips Kelly Cleary Bradshaw
Onwards and upwards!
*** Cleary. Beat players, whipped in crosses. Hopefully will tempt clubs into dangling a few mill our way.
** Kelly. Not his strongest game, but he’s that far ahead of what we have...Patrick, it’s been a pleasure seeing you develop, put your all into every game, having some personal and professional pride in every appearance while attempting to drag the team up by the scruff of its neck. I also apologise that you’ve had to bear such responsibility on your young shoulders. I can only wish you well in your career development and hope you do your new club proud, whoever it might be. So long, and thanks for all the fish. But if you’re still with us in September, you need a new agent. (Note to BFC: don’t sell him cheap.)
* Phillips. Scored. Nobody else did (for us).
Official MOTM: Kelly
Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Cleary 2= Kelly / MdG / Phillips
Despatches:
I see we gave McGoldrick the POTY trophy. Not bad for 3 months off, plus another month at the end. Nice to see it being awarded at some exec function, midweek, too. Must make an extra few hundred quid out of it, rather than have it unveiled pre-match in front of the whole crowd. The club are always on the lookout for ideas of how to get fans to Oakwell early, in the hope they buy an extra pie. I can look back on the anticipation I used to feel with fondness.
In other moans, the club announce the game as all-ticket 2 days before the match. 2 days! Presumably this was a SYP directive, normally attuned to a capacity away end. Some of us DON’T actually hang on every word that comes out of Oakwell, so big thanks to whichever Londontyke informed me, cos it meant I had to buy a ticket for my mate. I realise we we wouldn’t have sold too many tickets on walk-up sales, but still.
And who next for our manager/head coach? Hugo Colace was in the crowd, but I can’t see it being him. You don’t go from Bangor City to Barnsley. (Mind, we gave Coach Conor the job, and he’d not managed ANYWHERE!) Of the runners and riders, I’d accept a Staniel Dendal back. Correct, he couldn’t defend either, but that was in a division higher than this. Though admittedly, it’s gonna be a mammoth task given the players we currently have. But one has to be optimistic. We’re shipping out a lot of chaff (while keeping plenty more). A new manager...ANY new manager...can only improve on this season...can’t they?
See you in August.
Drink du jour: Beartown Inception in Spiral.
Away: 2,609 (12,940). And South Yorkshire’s finest made it all ticket...for this?
The Damage:
£8 petrol
£4 prog
£31 replica shirt
= £43
One more thing. Official POTY was McGoldrick (despite having 3 months off). Londontykes POTY was the supreme Patrick Kelly (2nd Cleary, 3rd McG). Not everyone let us down this season.
Monday, 27 April 2026
Luton Town 2-1 BFC, Saturday 25th April 2026
‘It’s made of long cod pieces.’
I love Kenilworth Road. The low roof. The acoustics. The entrance through someone’s backyard. And the paying of 26 quid to not be able to see EITHER set of goalposts. Still, good job it’s ‘safe standing’ (as opposed to their previously ‘unsafe seating’, where anyone over 5 foot tall couldn’t get out of their seat cos they were jammed in) as this allowed peeps to move around and crane necks around whichever stanchion was in the way this time. Consequently, over the course of 90 minutes, I think I dropped my shoulder left...or right..then left again, more often than Maradona in his prime. And yet I still couldn’t avoid watching another defeat.
Yes, we’re back to playing well and losing, which is what poor teams do. Who was this week’s defence failing to keep a clean sheet? Was it MdG and O’Connell in the middle? I know when push came to shove, it was some bloke called Mads Andersen winning the header off the corner for them to scramble in the winner. I wish we still had him (though probably not on the wages he’s now on).
And it’s not just the defence, is it? We are all of 15 minutes in before Luca Connell fouls their man for a penalty. The very epitome of 'a rash challenge.’ 1 nil. Was there anything more depressing this week than reading Connell is contracted to us for another season? (Yes! O’Keeffe’s here till 2028!) So is Nwakali (2027, that is). But what’s the odds that a new manager will do exactly what Coaches Collins, Clarke and Conor have done, and pick Connell anyway? He’s barely had a decent game since Duff left. (Can we have him back as well?)
Still, we equalised. Kelly picks it up on the halfway line, drives forward 30 yards and the interception falls to Cleary and although his shot is saved, Phillips heads the rebound into an empty net. Oompah loompahs, peaky blinders and a 6 foot shark behind me go wild. Well, it is what should have been the last game of the season.
And then, during our period of being the better side in the second half, we have the obligatory penalty shout turned down, as Phillips rounds the keeper then crashes to the floor after bumping into their covering defender. Not for me, this one, but if you don’t ask, you don’t get. And you don’t get, even if you do.
Then, before the hour, Coach Conor goes for the jugular, sending on Gent and McGoldrick for Earl and Bradshaw. Then it’s Nwakali for Bland on 70, and Farrell and Banks for Phillips and Cleary. It does the trick – we concede. Still, at least it’s not Devante Cole, given a 26 minute trot out for the Hatters. Apparently, they think he’s useless. (I know he is.)
The match winds down with us camping on the edge of their box but refusing to do owt with it. Same old, same old. Is the season over yet? It can’t come quick enough (again). And with Conor telling us there’s no hope next season, I wish it was this time next year already!
Onwards and upwards!
*** Kelly. Everything good about us going forward stems from Kelly.
** Phillips. Most likely looking goalscorer (apart from the fact he WAS our goalscorer).
* No-one. I have no memory of anybody else impressing me. But then again, I was drinking till 3 in the morning.
Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Kelly 2. Phillips 3. MdG
Despatches:
Special mention to Nice Guy Chris and Equally Nice Wife Jane, who put me up Friday nite. (Considering my train ticket was 90 quid, this was a welcome respite from losing my fortune.) And cheers to that there Andy Jones, who not only bought my train ticket* (generous of him!) from Kings X to Luton, but came laden with bottles of Leffe. He can come again!
*I think he actually wants paying for this.
Indeed, I continued the Leffe theme at Luton Wetherspoons, the Super Reds reputation preceding them as we were barred from 1st choice, The Bricklayers. This is a real shame, as I’ve not had a fight with a Luton fan in ages. Has anybody? Everyone was in good spirits in Spoons (as the kids call it), whether a Hatter or Tyke. They still had something riding on their season, while we were just glad it’ll soon be over.
On that note, I was wavering on Satdy. Should I go to Northampton on Tuesday nite? I’ve only been once, and we lost. And I know it’s crap (a new build in an out of town retail park) but they’re going down, and I don’t know when we’ll see them again. (‘Season after next...unless they come back up!’) But, you know what? I think Luton was my 37th game of a long season. And this game should have been played on a Satdy, weeks ago, but both teams have too many internationals and called it off. So, if they can’t be bothered playing it on a Satdy, I can’t be bothered coming down for it.
Oh, and we had a guest in the away end, Satdy – Vimal Yoganathan. Good on him. I think Vimal even got a selfie with Jonesy.
Drink du jour: Leffe in Wetherspoons.
Away: 1,179, sellout. (11,781). ‘We’re off to Bromley...you’re going as well!’
The Damage:
£90 train (Wakefield to London rtn)
£10 train (Kings X to Luton rtn)
£26 ent
= £126
Yes, we’re back to playing well and losing, which is what poor teams do. Who was this week’s defence failing to keep a clean sheet? Was it MdG and O’Connell in the middle? I know when push came to shove, it was some bloke called Mads Andersen winning the header off the corner for them to scramble in the winner. I wish we still had him (though probably not on the wages he’s now on).
And it’s not just the defence, is it? We are all of 15 minutes in before Luca Connell fouls their man for a penalty. The very epitome of 'a rash challenge.’ 1 nil. Was there anything more depressing this week than reading Connell is contracted to us for another season? (Yes! O’Keeffe’s here till 2028!) So is Nwakali (2027, that is). But what’s the odds that a new manager will do exactly what Coaches Collins, Clarke and Conor have done, and pick Connell anyway? He’s barely had a decent game since Duff left. (Can we have him back as well?)
Still, we equalised. Kelly picks it up on the halfway line, drives forward 30 yards and the interception falls to Cleary and although his shot is saved, Phillips heads the rebound into an empty net. Oompah loompahs, peaky blinders and a 6 foot shark behind me go wild. Well, it is what should have been the last game of the season.
And then, during our period of being the better side in the second half, we have the obligatory penalty shout turned down, as Phillips rounds the keeper then crashes to the floor after bumping into their covering defender. Not for me, this one, but if you don’t ask, you don’t get. And you don’t get, even if you do.
Then, before the hour, Coach Conor goes for the jugular, sending on Gent and McGoldrick for Earl and Bradshaw. Then it’s Nwakali for Bland on 70, and Farrell and Banks for Phillips and Cleary. It does the trick – we concede. Still, at least it’s not Devante Cole, given a 26 minute trot out for the Hatters. Apparently, they think he’s useless. (I know he is.)
The match winds down with us camping on the edge of their box but refusing to do owt with it. Same old, same old. Is the season over yet? It can’t come quick enough (again). And with Conor telling us there’s no hope next season, I wish it was this time next year already!
Onwards and upwards!
*** Kelly. Everything good about us going forward stems from Kelly.
** Phillips. Most likely looking goalscorer (apart from the fact he WAS our goalscorer).
* No-one. I have no memory of anybody else impressing me. But then again, I was drinking till 3 in the morning.
Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Kelly 2. Phillips 3. MdG
Despatches:
Special mention to Nice Guy Chris and Equally Nice Wife Jane, who put me up Friday nite. (Considering my train ticket was 90 quid, this was a welcome respite from losing my fortune.) And cheers to that there Andy Jones, who not only bought my train ticket* (generous of him!) from Kings X to Luton, but came laden with bottles of Leffe. He can come again!
*I think he actually wants paying for this.
Indeed, I continued the Leffe theme at Luton Wetherspoons, the Super Reds reputation preceding them as we were barred from 1st choice, The Bricklayers. This is a real shame, as I’ve not had a fight with a Luton fan in ages. Has anybody? Everyone was in good spirits in Spoons (as the kids call it), whether a Hatter or Tyke. They still had something riding on their season, while we were just glad it’ll soon be over.
On that note, I was wavering on Satdy. Should I go to Northampton on Tuesday nite? I’ve only been once, and we lost. And I know it’s crap (a new build in an out of town retail park) but they’re going down, and I don’t know when we’ll see them again. (‘Season after next...unless they come back up!’) But, you know what? I think Luton was my 37th game of a long season. And this game should have been played on a Satdy, weeks ago, but both teams have too many internationals and called it off. So, if they can’t be bothered playing it on a Satdy, I can’t be bothered coming down for it.
Oh, and we had a guest in the away end, Satdy – Vimal Yoganathan. Good on him. I think Vimal even got a selfie with Jonesy.
Drink du jour: Leffe in Wetherspoons.
Away: 1,179, sellout. (11,781). ‘We’re off to Bromley...you’re going as well!’
The Damage:
£90 train (Wakefield to London rtn)
£10 train (Kings X to Luton rtn)
£26 ent
= £126
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