Euxton Villa 0-5 Atherton Laburnum Rovers, Tuesday 24th March 2026

Euxton Villa 0-5 Atherton Laburnum Rovers, North West Counties League Premier Division, Jim Fowler Memorial Ground, att. 181

Talk about a last minute decision. Kev and I were off to Ashton Town, till it was postponed half an hour before kick-off, as we arrived. But, knowing Euxton Villa kicked off at 8, we knew we were in plenty of time to get to the Jim Fowler Memorial Ground. And, unbeknownst to us, this game would almost certainly be on, despite the rain. They have a plastic pitch.

Mind, tonite’s game is apparently a replay of an earlier, postponed or abandoned game. Why was that called off? Medical emergency? But we’re not complaining, tonite’s entrance fee is the princely sum of three pounds, or less than the can of beer from their canteen (I hesitate to use the term ‘social club’ as it was a bit small.)

My first impression as I entered the ground (canteen to our right) behind the goal, was ‘where’s the cover for standing,’ The rain was coming down at a pace and, although I could see a couple of stands, these were seating only. We could barely see the small structure on the far right touchline, and with virtually half the crowd in here, it felt quite busy. (Note: the crowd was 181).

On the opposite touchline, there was a brand new ‘off the back of a lorry’ stand, made super smart by the seats in alternate Euxton colours of orange (amber?) and black. There was more seating the other side of the canteen, in a tiny structure with about 20 seats, and wheelchair space. But the overall impression was of a club on the up. Everything was spick and span, from the perimeter fence to the plastic pitch. A walk around the ground showed the next improvement: flat standing, the limestone underlay already in place. Sadly, thids meant no circumference. No wonder the only spectator behind the goal in the opening half was a club volunteer. Maybe their next move after that could be filling in some of the potholes in their sizeable adjacent car park? But I’m nitpicking.

As I said, the social club was small and there were no beers on tap. Cruzcampo felt the best of a bad bunch, if you’re not one to drink Guinness or Strongbow Fruit. (I’m not.) Signed Bolton and Wigan shirts adorned the wall, rather than a telly showing Sky, while even the pennants were hanging off some trophy atop a cupboard. Still, it was warm and dry, and provided welcome respite from the rain.

And it poured. A temporary lull allowed us our walk, but the second half was played in constant rain, so shout out to the Euxton photographer, there to the end on the offchance her team would produce something worth photographing. She’s a better man than I am.

The game itself turned into a rout. Laburnum Rovers (who’d brought a few, btw) scored early and always looked superior, despite spirited home resistance. A couple of goals just before half-time made it 0-3 at the break, and when Laburnum went 4 up after 47, it looked like it could be anything. Mind, 3 of the goals came from corners, including one that was tapped in on the volley from 3 yards out. Truly appalling defending. The 5th came in the 90th minute, after Euxton had made the Rovers’ box several times. Typical. But that’s why one of these teams is lower mid table, and the other is right in the play-off hunt. Maybe there’ll be time to visit Atherton yet, this season.

The Damage:
£3 ent
£4 can of Cruzcampo
£2 tea
= £9

Ashton Town P-P MSB Woolton, Tuesday 24th March 2026

Ashton Town P-P MSB Woolton, North West Counties League First Division North, The Bartons Group Stadium

Having given Kev the options of Darwen or Bacup Borough tonite, I realise mid-afternoon that I’ve got the wrong day – those are tomorrow. I look up the fixtures again and narrow it down to Ashton Town, Euxton Villa or Prestwich Heys. The latter is closest to Kev, and it’s also where Cousin Chris lives. Maybe he fancies it too? Chris is unavailable, so we decide to leave Prestwich for another time.

We decide on Ashton, partly cos Euxton is an 8pm kick-off. 8pm? Whatthehell’s that about? As we head north on the motorway, the rain is lashing down. ‘It’s not gonna be on’ I say. Kev keeps checking Twitter. So far, so good. We make it to the lane leading to the ground, but I’m not keen. Especially not now we’ve seen a ‘parking full’ sign. We park up across the road and head down to the ground.

As we edge closer, I notice the floodlights aren’t even on. There’s only about half an hour to kick-off. ‘This match is off’ I say. Besides, the main gates are wide open. Kev checks Twitter for the umpteenth time. ‘Match off. They sent a message 4 minutes ago.’ So, roughly as we were parking. Still, the social club is doing good business, as both teams are in there enjoying a not very well earned drink. It is also the second time this season I have attempted to see MSB Woolton, and the second time it has been postponed (the other being Thornton Cleveleys). They are proving to be my nemesis.

Still, Euxton Villa kicks off at 8. Shall we? (We shall.)

BFC 0-1 Doncaster Rovers, Saturday 21st March 2026

’Do they have sarcasm in heaven?’

Is there ANYONE we can’t lose to? After relegation certs Rovrum and Port Vale humiliate us on our own patch, it is now former relegation certs Doncaster Rovers’ turn. Only we could lose a goalless draw. They were rubbish. We were rubbish. The game was rubbish.

Still, the day was enlivened by a quite remarkable interview post-match on Radio Sheffield, where Coach Conor told us we had no chance of a top 6 place, never had a chance of a top 6 place, and neither would we next season. Honesty? Negativity? Stupidity? Or all 3? Honesty, well yes, it’s difficult to get into the top 3 without a centre forward under 82 and no defence. Negativity? It’s one thing to be saying we’re not coming close this season, but next season too? And stupidity? Season ticket renewal begging letters will be out soon, and a strapline of ‘we’ve got no chance’ is a bemusing way to convince us to part with £400. It was a manifesto for being pessimistic. I can get onboard with that! But if your own manager can’t be a cheerleader for the team’s prospects, who can? Granted, I couldn’t stand the bullsh*t that came out of Little Lee’s big mouth, but you have to talk up your chances, don’t you?

Also, whatever we think of the current crop of players, it is the head coach’s job to get a tune out of them. Is Conor accepting how limited he is? This week we learnt that the Super Reds spend £11.5m (that’s MILLION) on wages in 24-25. I’d have thought that’s enough to put a challenge in this season, even if we’ve managed to offload Benson For Beds (The Glassman) and Watters off our wage bill. (The latter, I’m pretty sure IS on our wage bill, there’s no way Dundee United are paying him £6k/week.) I’d like to think that paying out 10 million+ in wages (I know, I know, it includes non-playing staff too, but surely you’re paying your players the most) would be enough to form a football team capable of beating one of Port Vale, Rovrum or Donny.

Master tactician Coach Conor had a new one on Satdy: he’d outfox Donny by playing our star winger as a centre forward. As A. Jones of Sidcup said, it was like when Davey played JCR centre mid. It didn’t take anyone in the stands longer than a quarter of an hour to see that Cleary clearly had no idea what he was doing. It took Conor 45. The answer? Hauling Banks, putting on The GOAT and reverting to the usual 4-2-3-1 with the Undynamic Dup holding fort on the halfway line. While I think about it Luca Connell has TWO deliveries: underhit and overhit. Is there NOBODY at Oakwell who can kick a deadball better than this shyster. If I see one more gently dinked outswinger from a Connell corner, I think I’ll explode. Or chunter on about what a waste of space he is. (He also had one of our…2?...shots in the 1st half, a typically weak effort dragged wide.)

That said, after nothing of substance happened in the opening half, we regained our mojo for 10 or 15 minutes. Kelly was driving forward, taking players on. Yoganathan was winning it, losing it, winning it...and losing it again (but had at least gained some territory) while McG flitted about in his inimitable way. Then we switch off. A ball comes in from their right, and Corey O’Keeffe ends up the wrong side of the forward before ‘a silly tug’ (The Yorkshire Post). I couldn’t really see, but the Donny fans certainly felt it was a pen. On looking at it on telly, I’m surprised O’Keeffe didn’t get a red card too, preventing a tap-in. Another week, another failure to keep a clean sheet.

Worse, former useless Red Elliott Lee pokes a low one just to the keeper’s left. Sadly, the keeper goers right. Story of Crapman’s season. Still, the award was a slight surprise. The ref had been letting plenty of challenges go, which pleased everybody. Then he gave Donny 3 cheap free kicks in 5 minutes for their equivalent of the ‘Shepherd Flop.’ As for the winning ticket for our own ‘Shepherd Flop’, we’ll never know. Donny scoring broke the scoreboard. I’d say Jack’s latest effort was around 83 (minutes in, not marks out of 100).

A goal down, at home to local rivals, we piled forward for the last 20 and had them pinned in their box, keeper making save after save. Or b) our only effort was a smart move in the last minute that led to Kelly stabbing it goalwards and the keeper turning it around the post superbly. (Not sure it was going in, mind.)

The season is officially over. Anyone who thought we’d ever challenge for a play-off place is an idiot. Conor says so.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Kelly. I don’t know how this lad keeps up his morale, constantly driving forward while all around stand and watch.
** O’Connell. There must be some reason they’re not getting near our goal. (‘Cos they were crap?’)
* Lennon. Had a positive 20 mins after coming on for Cleary, wide left.

Official MOTM: Kelly

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Kelly 2. O’Connell 3= Lennon / McGoldrick

Despatches:
I tried resisting temptation to be positive pre-match, but the sun shone down, and I’d not seen queues like this at Oakwell for a while. Suspiciously long queues. ‘Searching people for tennis balls’ was the theory. Why else would there be lines of folk snaking from each turnstile? I’m presuming it had nothing to do with the box office being shut. Maybe BFC are just like the rest of us – beholden to when a tradesman can actually be bothered to make it. There must be some reason they’re not doing this work in the summer. Oh, and writing ‘POLITE NOTICE’ on a notice DOES NOT MAKE IT SO. So we now have a portacabin for a ticket office till some Polish bloke pops round to sort it out. (Actually, if he was Polish, the job would already be done.)

The players? I love the idea that we were hit hard by Bradshaw’s late withdrawal. Guess what? Donny were without their star player, Luke Molyneux, and their star former Blunt pensioner centre forward Billy. Maybe Rovrum can bring in Keith Edwards and all these crap League 1 South Yorkshire sides can have one. Let’s not also forget that Donny’s defence was marshalled by Matty Pearson, considered not good enough at Oakwell seemingly 20 years ago. (He was a crap left back, but played alright centre half.) I never noticed Elliott Lee, either with us or against.

Goodman had nothing to do in goal, but did it very well. Shepherd was back for MdG at centre half, another outlandish decision from Coach Conor. Sadly, he only miscontrolled it and nearly fell over once, nearly putting them clean through. I know MdG isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but at least he can control a ball, and run forward with it. Watson was this week’s ‘right footer at left back’ (while we had 2 left footed left backs on the bench). The highlight, possibly of the match, if not his own performance, was when Tennai messed up a throw-in and hoofed the ball 60 yards upfield in a hissy fit. He scored as well. Yellow card, hilarious. O’Keeffe...well, he settled the game, so well done him.

Connell, I’ve nothing new to expand on. Bit like his game, really. Bland did ok coming on, even making a run forward (just the one). Banks was unlucky to be dragged, possibly putting his hand up at half-time when Conor asked ‘who wants to be pulled off?’ McGoldrick had a nightmare opening 20, giving the ball away 4 or 5 times, while Cleary continues to show he needs a fortnite off.

Drink du jour: Verdant Lightbulb at Spiral.

Away: 2,824 (13,026). ‘Your support is f***ing sh*t’ the away end sang…not realising that at the time (1st half), it was our best atmosphere in months. We soon put an end to it though, and by the end were chanting against the board (of course).

The Damage:
£7 petrol
= £7

Mansfield Town 2-2 BFC, Saturday 14th March 2026

’I haven’t had a shower for 2 weeks.’

‘That joke isn’t funny anymore’ sang The Smiths, presciently. How did they know they’d be describing Barnsley FC’s efforts at defending over 40 years later? How many more times do we have to throw away a two goal lead against third division opposition? (4 and counting.) How many more points are we to throw away from a winning position (20 and counting, only worsered (!?) by Doncaster Rovers, a side who I don’t remember even having a lead this season). Yes, we can blame penalties that weren’t awarded, and penalties that were, but at the heart of it is a back 4 (and 2 defensive midfielders, and a goalkeeper) unable to keep the ball out of the net against Mansfield Town.

Still, it’s not all doom and gloom. We actually IMPROVED in our result against The Stags, having managed to LOSE the corresponding home fixture (2-3) after being two up. Progress! By the season after next we might eke out two draws against them. And maybe a couple of years after that, keep a clean sheet. Cos this bunch can’t. 21 consecutive matches without stopping the opposition scoring. And after being serenaded positively throughout, the players left with the away end chanting ‘two nil up and we f***ed it up’ while Coach Conor looked a sorry figure coming to the away support on his lonesome to clap our efforts. Brave.

We went 2-0 up a few minutes after half-time. Given we’d looked superior in every department, first half, it looked like more of the same. Banks zig-zagged into the box before cunningly putting his shot straight at former Reds haplessee Liam Roberts. It was impossible NOT to save it, but he managed. Not to save it, that is.

The opening half, Yoganathan pounded one off the bar before POTY Kelly (Phew! He’s back!) drove forward, played it to Bradshaw (I think) who played it perfectly for McG to drive home low from 25 yards. EVERYTHING is going in for him (apart from that tap-in at the Ponty End recently). Where would we be without him? I’ve read he’s now top scorer, which is pretty incredible considering he had 3 months off.

It has to be said, I was probably 3 sheets to the wind when they pulled one back. (I’d sobered up, I was 4 sheets to the wind before that.) Penalty, at the far end. Was it a penalty? It looked like somebody tripped over, and Banks looked sheepish. 1-2. Well, nobody wants a one-sided game. 10 minutes later, Coach Conor makes his decisive move. The GOAT and Phillips on for Kelly and Banks. Now it really was one-way traffic, not helped by Bradshaw’s inability to hold a ball up. Why’s he not chucked Cleary on, give us some outlet?

He does. Finally. 86 minutes in, and we show more up top in the last few minutes than we had since Banks scored. There’s a big shout for a penalty (handball), but it’s fine, we’re still winning. We’re 94 minutes in, one more long throw to defend. One more chance for two of our own defenders to go for the same ball (Shepherd and...O’Connell?), leading to a poor header out, which is picked up and drilled home. Two-nil up and...

Onwards and upwards!

*** McGoldrick. Another quality goal and boy, does he work hard. This includes helping us to DEFEND. So how DO we concede so many?
** Yoganathan. Always looking to drive forward.
* Banks. Could be anyone, but he scored, and we were winning till he got pulled.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. McGoldrick 2. Yoganathan 3. Banks

Despatches:
I’ve not been insulted as badly as this for ages, but while Reedy and I were in the Mallard at Worksop Station, it was said of us that ‘they look sensible.’ How very dare they. Mind, we were so described by some of our idiots, and the landlord and his sidekick did extremely well in keeping them under control. ‘Were you happier when they arrived or when they left?’ I asked the bossman. ‘When they left’ came the instant reply.

Credit in despatches for Loko recommending The Brown Cow too. Thank goodness we’ve booked our place back there next season.

The players? My main remembrance was of being quite pleased with Coach Conor for hauling a previously booked O’Keeffe before he was sent off. But on the minus side, I can’t blame Corey for either of the conceded goals.

Drink du jour: Kirkstall Virtuous there and back at The Mallard, Worksop Station, DEYA Into the Haze at The Brown Cow before and after, Brew York Lupo Lion at Heaven and Ale.

Away: c. 1,500 (8,538).

The Damage:
£7 petrol
£15 train
£30 ent
= £52