Burton Albion 1-1 BFC, Friday 3rd April 2026

‘Where DO wookies s***?’

I think Burton Albion are metamorphorsising into Luton Town, the number of ex-Reds in their line up. Brad Collins in goal, Jasper Moon shoring up the defence, Kyran Lofthouse on the wing and Toby Sibbick benchwarming. On the latter, the manager said he’d been playing well lately, out of position at left back, but (get this!) he wanted a left footer there against the Super Reds. As for Lofthouse, he achieved his 10th assist of the season, while Brad Collins does what Brad Collins does: timewaste. His options are limited, what with the change in rules regarding the 6 second rule, but his (not so) subtle timewasting at goalkicks was bringing out the PTSD in me. Moon, I never noticed, probably cos we barely attacked.

I’d made a lateish decision to travel to Burton, based purely on convincing Sarah that it might be the done thing to occasionally visit her parents in nearby Lichfield (we only stayed one night). Besides, I like going to Burton. Laidback, loads of great places to drink, steady walk to the ground. Easy parking too, if you’re sent around a one-way system and somehow end up outside one of the two pubs one had earmarked (Cooper’s Tavern). Love this place. Ye olde worlde, with beer served from the barrel. Plus a pork pie. Pre-match was complete with pub chat about the latest American space exploration. As you do.

I also bumped into a couple of Reds’ fans too. ‘Optimistic?’ I asked. ‘Optimistic? I’m not even interested. I’m only here for the beer.’ These lads later beat me to the ground, even though they were ordering a pint as I left. Did a Lord Selwood and ordered a taxi. I bet they wished they’d stayed in the pub.

I got there in time for kick-off (brisk pace!) and it started well. Flavell in goal was serenaded by the faithful ‘he’s one of our own’. A change is as good as a rest. Perhaps Canada can call up Crapman more often? MdG (or ‘De Vagina’ as I heard him referred to) and O’Connell had the job of protecting Flavell, and this lasted all of 7 minutes, till O’Connell got injured. On comes the GOAT at right back, the right footed right back (Watson) going to left back and the (alleged) centre half moving from left back to centre half. We’re so fluid!

The opening 45, we barely got out of our half, yet arguably created the best 2 opportunities, both squandered by T. Bradshaw. If he’s not scoring, he’s not contributing in my book. The first, he’s unlucky, as he diverts a shot and it hits the keeper. The second, from a lovely cross by McG, he can pick his spot. He did – a yard wide. He really needs to retire, or play a further rung or 2 down (he might get his chance, if he stays!).

Still, at least we weren’t losing. Flavell fumbled a shot across goal and also dropped it, being cleaned out by 2 Reds defenders. Do we do ‘practice’? Thankfully there was no-one to tap home on either occasion. I start mulling on the possibility of our first clean sheet in forever being when we put this season’s 3rd choice in t’nets. If so, would Coach Conor retain his place? I needn’t have worried. I also note MdG getting a few points from the tellybob viewers, but all I remember about his performance was making 3 mistakes in the opening 10 minutes.

On the hour, a neat give-and-go leaves Lofthouse the simple option of squaring it for an open goal. Too easy. It’s down their right, but on seeing it on telly, the only person in a position to do owt (Yoganothing...sorry, Yoganathan) trips over his own feet. Ah well. This is the cue for the away end to turn toxic. ‘Sacked in the morning, you’re getting sacked in the morning.’ He wasn’t. But the worm has turned. This lot were the ones singing summat about Conor returning us to glory earlier in the season.

Then, I dunno what happened. Someone had the idea to stop it with the negative chanting and for the rest of the match it was all ‘we’ve got Super Daniel Stendal...Mads at the back, Cauley in attack’ etc Si senor, give the ball to Woodrow he will score. Always believe in...Devante Cole. COLE! Even an appearance by Bambo Diaby and his large appendage. (I mean a chant, obviously, not the actual physical specimen.) That the chants were all based on players in the last 10 years somewhat showed the age of those contributing. Where’s ‘can you hear the Ponty roaring, Ronnie Glavin’s always scoring’? I guess ‘can you hear the Bapp for Bolts Pontefract Road End roaring, David McGoldrick’s always scoring’ doesn’t scan so well. Still, good to hear Jalo is still ‘better than Christiano’. Last time I looked, he couldn’t get a game on loan at Oldham.

Coach Conor rang the changes, sending on the ineffective Cleary for the ineffective Banks, Phillips for Kelly (ditto) and then, on 74, the GAME CHANGER. Roberts and Farrell on for MdG and Watson. All out attack! Well, certainly fewer defenders and more forwards. And as injury time loomed, Connell curled a beautiful free kick (credit where credit is due) over the defence for Roberts to head across goal and McG finish from about 3 yards. Burton have been robbed. We celebrate not losing.

Onwards and upwards!

*** No-one. Like the Super Reds, I am struggling.
** No-one. Ran No-one very close for 1st.
* Roberts. Saved us a point from the bench.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Shepherd 2. MdG 3= McGoldrick / No-one

Despatches:
I read a stat on the BBC website, pre-match. In 10 Good Friday games, Burton have won only once – against the Super Reds a couple of years ago. Part of me would’ve been ecstatic if we’d extended that to 2 teams in 11 games – both of them Barnsley.

I walked back to the station, to pick up Sarah. A helpful attendant (AKA crowd control) was obviously worried about me lurking. ‘Where would you like to go?’ I thought. ‘Australia, maybe New Zealand.’ She looked at me like I’d said something about her mum.

Drink du jour: Joules Krush Smash pale ale (very average) and Jaipur at Cooper’s Tavern.

Away: c. 1,200 (4,203)

The Damage:
£19 ent
c.£30 petrol
= £49

Burton Albion 1-2 BFC, Saturday 21st September 2024

‘They’re not letting pies in? You’re kidding me!’

Another poor performance, another victory. I love division 3. Win our next home game and we’ll be on 16 points after 8 games. 2 points a game. Top 2 form in most seasons, and we’ve barely gelled. On Satdy we went in at half-time a goal to the good despite barely being in their half. I’m surprised the fans weren’t singing ‘are we Lincoln away in disguise?’ In the end, we concede late, score the winner later and it’s pandemonium in the away end. A bit like Millwall away the other season, when that faceless (Austrian?) centre forward scored the winner, the one I always said was crap. (He was.)

Of course, if you want to win games, scoring a 2nd...or a 3rd...might help, and the way we tossed away chances in the second half made it look like we were happy to squeak through. The more Burton desperately searched for an equaliser, the more we were left 3 on 3, 2 on 2...and in not taking our chances on the break, we nearly paid the price.

That we went ahead was thanks to a 30 yard free kick from Connell. I’m not sure we can rely on that every week. It was a good hit, low into the corner, but would I be accepting that from our keeper? Not a chance. Their best (half) chances came in the opening half hour as Roberts managed to blunder once, twice...thrice times. He really is a liability with the ball at his feet. If I were the opposition, I wouldn’t even bother hitting it into space, just look for Roberts on the floor. My God, he’s meant to be the experienced hand bringing calmness and solidity to our backline, not chaos and calamity. I wouldn’t mind if he was domineering in the air, but was that Roberts that their bloke ghosted past to head in the equaliser? (Answer: yes.)

Still, it was a peach of a cross. But with 2 minutes left (plus injury time) it looked like we’d thrown it away. Not that Burton didn’t deserve it. They’d pressed heavily that last 10 minutes, as well as the opening half. So we took a leaf out of their book and replied in IDENTICAL fashion...a right footed in-swinger from the left wing back (O’Keefe). Only our centre forward (Humphreys) has to work harder for it, dominating their centre half to head home. Why doesn’t Cosgrove do this? Or Watters? Win a header in THEIR box?

Humphreys thereafter shows his true class by miscontrolling a ball 10 yards when clean through, but by then it was pelting it down. That’s fine though. One of us has left his rainjacket in the car but has his sunglasses with him. Still, it’s a beautiful day...(am I coming over all U2?).

Onwards and upwards!

*** Cotter. Ran at people, beat people, got crosses in. It didn’t always work, but I’d say he’s earnt the right to lose a ball he’s carried 50 yards up the pitch.
** (My Name is) Earl. Strong at the back and enjoyed a run of his own.
* De Givigny. If you’re in a back 3 with Roberts, you need to be on top of your game.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Cotter 2. Earl 3= Connell / De Givigny

Despatches: Mr Tickle is right. Connell’s ability to draw a foul and slow the game down IS underrated...cos I don’t see it. I didn’t think Connell did owt aside from score. Bafflingly anonymous, aside from when he bore down on their goal 2nd half, ignored the overlapping wingback (O’Keefe by that point?), who’d have been clean through, to put his greedy glasses on and send a shot wide. That’s the second time this season I’ve seen him ignore an overtaking wingback who’s in a far superior position. Lots of space, a simple pass to make. Season before last, Connell was my favourite player. He’s not been the same since. Will we ever get him back? (Is he the new Woodrow? ‘Off form’ for TWO years.

DKD...superb debut and done nowt since. Brought out a conversation on players who’ve done same. Great start, turned out to be rubbish. I can’t remember which player was mentioned, but the one who stands out for me was a B. Dire. Was Sunderland away his debut? He was amazing. I spent the next 5 years (sorry, 25 years) cursing the day, etc. Anyway, DKD. Anonymous. I never saw him last week at Stevenage, but those who were there didn’t either. Honestly, I didn’t realise he was playing till I saw him trot back to help defend a corner.

The rest? Not worth a mention. O’Keefe was a having a bit of a mare at left back, 1st half…but HE’S NOT A LEFT WINGBACK. I am sick of going on about this. Left back and right back are NOT the same. Managers ought to get their heads around this. The best left backs are LEFT footed. Cadden got brickbats for having a poor ‘cross completion rate’ (WTF!?) last season but a) he got crosses in and b) it wasn’t his fault Cole et al hid behind defenders and wouldn’t break to the front post. Now, there’s nary a cross put in (so it’s ironic that’s how we got the winner).

Oh, Benson’s hair came on as sub. I love his hair. I wish I had a full head of the stuff like him. He looked alright, again. Jalo, meantime, came on and got broken by an opposition arm. He was virtually clothes-lined, like something out of Wrestlemania. Not even a free kick, let alone a card.

Still, another great day. Met up with Reedy, Nozzer and Special Guest Ozzy at The Last Heretic, before dragging them to a micro brewery under the railway arches that had a blackboard out advertising itself. Sat outside, sun blazing, beer in hand, the football not yet kicked off. Lapping up the last of the summer vibes.

Drink du jour: Thornbridge Crux IPA in The Last Heretic; Tasted weirdly of ginger to me. Thornbridge Astryd at Outwoods Brewing Company. OK, I s’pose. (Will I ever get that gig reviewing beer?)

Away: 1,161. First time (I think) we’ve never sold out here. Still 2 away games in a row (scored 0, conceded 10) can’t have helped. Youse missed a treat (ish).

The Damage:
£18 ent
c.£35 petrol
= c.£53

Burton Albion 1-3 BFC, Monday 1st April 2024

‘Get off the f***ing pitch you s*** c***’

The atmosphere in the away end started positive. The fans were getting behind the team, albeit there was some mystification behind Coach Collins’ selections and strategy. No Devante Cole (no argument here!) or McAtee. Or Phillips. Jon Russell was in the starting line up, a fact I learnt as some bloke started singing ‘it’s all Jonny Russell’s fault’ in the bog, pre-match. Collins has morphed into Gary Flitcroft, changing a winning (away) set up to demonstrate his continental appeal. Russell, in front of a back 4. Cadden pushed further forward and Earl playing left back. McCart and MdG centre halves. O’Keefe in front of Jordan on the right and Cosgrove up top on his own. 4-1-4-1. This’ll do well when we’re playing at Camp Nou.

One obvious advantage to all this is that Kane sees very little of the ball. Pushed further forward and without the safety net of 4 unmarked defenders to play it back or square to, he’s not in the game. (It took me a while to realise he was playing, as I scanned the field for changes.) However, with only one player up, the ball didn’t last long in their half and I don’t remember us having a sniff at goal.

Burton, meantime, looked poor but were allowed 2 or 3 snapshots at our goal. It’s ok though, I get it, the players are getting used to a new formation. But the lackadaisical attitude is summed up in Connell losing the ball on the halfway line goal and their player being allowed to run forward 25 yards before burying it into the bottom corner. The negative energy in the away end, thus far bubbling under, bursts forth. ‘Neill Collins…your football is s***’. And it is. This is woeful. Still, I am amused to hear the old Bambo Diaby chant, a surefire sign Washday are losing. I feel much better knowing he laiks for them and not us. Half-time comes with our fans chanting for the coach’s head, though I didn’t hear that. Maybe I’d blocked it out.

Truth be told, I was already in a bad mood. My back is killing me and I’ve made the mistake of standing. My second mistake is in not getting there early enough to bag a crash barrier to lean on. (Miraculously, my back doesn’t feel so bad later on, as we start scoring. Go figure.) I’ve also had a bit of a mare, pre-match. Driving to the outlaws in Lichfield, the A38 turnoff is closed (HS2! Yes, work is still on going in certain non-northern parts of the country!) and my satnav gets lost. At one point, I’ve turned the suburbs of Lichfield into the countryside with a sign saying ‘Lichfield 3½’.

Later, I arrange to have a pre-match drink with Chris. Let’s just say it didn’t go to plan as I allow Chris carte blanche. He’s near the station, he’ll find a place. I drive past the ground, park up near town, and find he’s wandered towards the Pirelli, past a couple of pubs (closed). I end up back where I was half an hour earlier, in a crap pub (The Beech) by the ground reserved for the away fans. In the home of brewing, I enjoy a...Cruzcampo. Spanish lager. Brilliant. I said I was in a bad mood. (It appears it was my fault for mishearing Chris, and it probably was. This is what happens when there’s no Andy Reed to orchestrate drinking.)

Where was I? Oh yes, half-time. Does Coach Collins stick with the experiment, have a word with the players, explain what they’ve done wrong, what to change (everything?) Or does he make actual changes? Bl**dy hell, it’s b). Phillips and McAtee (tee tee) are on, Kane and O’Keefe hauled. (I have to admit, I hadn’t realised O’Keefe was playing, nevermind Kane.) We are back to 3-5-2. You can imagine my disappointment, as if we start scoring, I’ll have nothing to moan about.

We start scoring. Less than 10 minutes have been played and McAtee has already put 2 dangerous crosses into the box (where’s Cosgrove?) before he takes matters into his own hands and smashes in the rebound after Phillips hits the post with an open goal header. 10 minutes later, he’s put us in the lead. The goal is both bizarre and brilliant. Cosgrove plays him in near the halfway line and, with the keeper in no-man’s land, McAtee hits it early and bamboozles the custodian from around 35 yards out. Anyone else would try controlling the ball first. Anyone else would NEED to control the ball first. Pure class.

The coup de grace is administered by Connell. In a finish reminiscent of Burton’s goal, defenders back off and back off before Luca hits it low from 20 yards across the keeper. And there’s always something sweet about being right behind a shot you can see the keeper is never getting to. I could have jumped around long before the ball hit the net, but I’ve a crippling back injury. Have I mentioned it?

By now, it’s a procession. The fans are onside, though an attempt at ‘EIEIEIO’ stalls before it gets to ‘Collins is our king’. But fair play to the coach. He doesn’t want to embarrass Burton, so sticks on Cole to stop the scoring. He has one chance, as another defensive aberration sees him up against the keeper on the edge of the box. Can he drop a shoulder, feint one way, go the other, and leave the keeper on his backside for a tap-in? No, he gets tackled.

Onwards and upwards!

*** McAtee (tee tee). Came on and turned the game. I wish he was ours.
** MdG. A magnificent performance. MOTM any other game, he won every physical battle, made interceptions, brought the ball out. Got done once, and that was at 3-1 up.
* Cosgrove. Created the first two goals with a flick on and pass.

Londontykes’ MOTM: TBA

Despatches:
I have a theory. You see all them home defeats? It’s that comedy home shirt. The players are embarrassed. Our only away defeat this season? Derby County. What strip were we wearing? That comedy shirt. I rest my case, m’lud. No further submissions. The opposition can’t take us seriously when we wear that shirt.

That said, I think I read this is the most number of away wins by a Reds side EVER (with 4 to play). Most points, most all sorts. Longest unbeaten away run. What have we lost at home? 6? 7? Mind, maybe SUPPORT helps too. The away fans generally get behind the team, and at home...well. We’ve had decent support in two home games...Derby and Bolton. We won one and were seconds away from winning the other. However, I’d argue CRITICISM helps too...we turned it around at Lincoln and Burton (and maybe others) after the fans turned on the players. So maybe just some NOISE from us makes a difference, instead of the usual chuntering on and leaving early (all home games). Or telling the yoofs off for singing about the Pope and the IRA. Who cares? (It was allowed today, and they only did it once.)

Finally, Connell. I know it’s blasphemy to criticise (potentially) our best player. But I was amazed to learn his goal was his 1st of the season. No wonder we’re struggling, if the centre forward isn’t bagging and our 2 central midfielders (Connell, Kane) offer such few goals. Thank goodness for McAtee (tee tee) and, to a lesser extent, Cosgrove.

Drink du jour: Cruzcampo.

Away: c.1300. Didn’t look a sellout, which shows the lack of belief at the moment.

The Damage:
£20 ent (£2 admin fee)
£3 programme
c.£30 petrol
= c.£53

Burton Albion 0-0 BFC, Saturday 5th November 2016

‘Shut up you Kentish Town wan*er’ 

Welcome to ....

One advantage of promotion to the Championship; we are not being defeated today in the first round of the FA Cup by a side who prove inadequate for the Conference.  A year on and only 4 Reds’ players start from that Alty defeat – Scowen, Watkins, Winnall and Davies (yes, I looked that up).  The other 7 are currently playing for sides in divisions…actually, I can’t complete that sentence cos I’ve no idea where 3 of them are.  Non-league or Lidl, I suspect.

Burton.  A treat of an away day. Great pubs, friendly town, no bother.  So obviously our pub of choice is closed till 2 (‘sorry for any inconvenience’).  Rumour has it that it’s cos Brumingham City were in town last.  Seriously?  Have we been lumped in with those knobheads?  Does last season count for nought?  Oh well, good job we have at least 2 Londontykes working in the brewery trade (and numerous others with indepth knowledge thereof) and we’re off to the Burton Bridge Inn.  The -------    ------ can do without the £300+ our contingent spent today.  I am less than impressed, especially as we were trying to show a German girl a good time (Katrin).  The Bridge showered us with fine bitter, a fabulous breakfast butty (inc. black pudding) and pretty much a room of our own.  Ok, so the lager was a bit average, but as long as most peeps were happy, so was I.  But we simply HAVE to book out the skittles alley next time.  (Note to ------- ------, you’ll have lost yourselves £600 now, cos you’ve problies lost us for next year too, promotions and relegations notwithstanding).

So, we drink and drink and then catch taxis to the stadium, passing the landlord en route, wearing a beautiful hi-viz vest as he cycled.  Good on him.  And we even see kick off, despite birthday boy Hicks ordering cabs for 2:40pm.  (Did he tell you it was his birthday?)  We also hear the world’s worst bugler f*** up his big moment…folk having to try not to laugh during the Remembrance minute’s silence, as he murders The Last Post.  Bless.

The Main Stand

We see Armstrong break early doors, bursting clean through only to curl it wide.  Christ, he’d done the hard work.  Then Marley hammers in a shot from the right and we fail to nail the rebound.  Tis Armstrong again – Winnall having laid the original ball out wide.   Even Super Sammy can’t be in two places at once.  And that’s it.  Our attacking capabilities finished after a quarter of an hour.  (Marley heads a weak one into the keeper’s arms off a corner, 2^nd half).

Otherwise, it’s a one team show.  Ok, the 1^st half was fairly even, but the second half was diabolical from us, unable to string 3 passes together, or keep it in their half for longer than a few seconds.  Meantime, Davies was enjoying a one-man show keeping them out.  He used to be a dee dah but he’s alright now.  Managerial genius Heckingbottom (he used to be a dee dah but he’s alright now) contributes by going all gung-ho (sarcasm!), dragging off Armstrong for Scowen and going 4-5-1.  Davies makes some more brilliant saves before fans’ favourite Hammill is forced on to win the game for us after 5 mins of fans chanting his name.  It must be these East Stand morons who worship his stepovers (views courtesy of P. Waddington, Oxspring) but they had the look of Ponty Enders to me, the kind of folk who would vote Brexit and whine that the EU is trampling over Parliamentary democracy while bemoaning that the latest court ruling upholds Parliamentary democracy and ignores the will of the people.  (Our political debates have changed somewhat since the vocal Tories amongst t’Londontykes upped sticks and moved to foreign climes).
We aren’t just lucky we don’t lose.  We’re lucky it’s not 6.  Some fantastic saves, coupled with some unbelievable misses, contribute to us sneaking another point closer to staying up.  And Burton still haven’t scored against us in 4 matches (and Loko and I still haven’t seen a goal between these 2 sides, nil-nil away for a 2^nd season running).

The Pirelli, not yesterday (my phone isn't actually working at mo)

All we are left with is a pint on the way to the town centre, a rousing Reds’ chorus at the station (oddly, no police, despite their pre-match worries) and the vagaries of the journey home.  This week, we shall be mainly telling parents to ‘Control your kid’ (Andy), telling their kids to turn down the bleepy s*** on their computer game (Katrin) or sitting elsewhere to avoid the inevitable conflict (Selwood).  Me?  I sat there grinning at the row, still gobsmacked at arch-non racist Gandhi telling someone to ‘SPEAK ENGLISH….SLOWLY’. But I knew what he meant.  It took dad 3 goes before I understood what he was saying; it brought back less successful forays into my GCSE French oral.  Andy failed to hear the wife referring to him as a cnut (thank goodness), but he did hear the dig about him not knowing what it was like to be a parent.  All it needed was a panto ‘oh yes I do’ and my evening would have been complete.  Nothing vexes a parent like being told you don’t know what it’s like to be a parent.

Only 3 players come out of today with any cred; 5 if you include the centre halves.
*** Davies.  Top notch.  Ok, got lucky once or twice, inc. one which hit him in the face, but he deserved it (the clean sheet that is).
** Yiadom.  Fast becoming a favourite amongst the Londontykes.  Athletic, calm, good tackle (!). He’ll do for me.  Worryingly called up by Ghana.  So that’s another one AWOL for international duty.
* Hourihane.  A welcome return, tho’ spent most of the match doing a passable impression of Darren Sheridan, breaking down opposition moves on the edge of the box, or nipping in to nick the 2^nd ball on the edge of our box.  Delivered little attack-wise.

Londontykes Top 3: 1. Davies 2. Yiadom 3. Hourihane
Despatches:Armstrong looked the most likely up front, so we took him off.  Winnall never had a look in but raised a smile when he fell over in comedy fashion in the box.  Only one person shouted ‘PENALTY!’ but it’s difficult to persuade the ref when you’re laughing.  Watkins was right midfield again, but played alright, 1^st half.  Where he needed to be played was UP FRONT cos everything came straight back at us without anyone to hold a ball up.  Bree had a mare 1^st half, or was Lloyd Dyer just too good?  At least Bree stopped being skinned 2^nd half.  Or did Burton stop giving Dyer the ball?

One bleat about my day…those Burton toilets.  Now, I appreciate it’s a small ground (perfectly formed) but, really, is it enough to have space for 8 males to p*** in the gentlemens?  Really?  I don’t condone men p***ing in sinks, but what choice do folk have if they’re desperate? 
Fashionwatch: today, Loko will mainly be wearing a Chicago Cubs’ rounders t-shirt.  He’d ditched the lady’s coat and his mum’s shoes for a more casual approach.  Keep trying.
Will Winnall get 10?  ‘Just’ (Ozzy)
Onwards and upwards! 
Drink du jour: Seems I’ve never understood how to pronounce ‘Erdinger’ or ‘Lidl’ until I met Katrin, and I still don’t.  So inbetween average lager, I had Erdinger, and a bottle of red on the train.  But the MVP of alcohol today must surely be the individual little bottles of cherry wine that Selwood treated us to on the train.  ‘Mint’ (in Hicksy parlance).
Away: 1300 odd (ausverkauft).  Another good atmosphere, tho it says something when the player with the most chants is sat on the bench.  Altogether now…’ADAM HAMMILL IS A RED….’
The Damage:
23 ent
3 prog
14 train (a rare bargain!)


The Tunes:
Four Calendar Café (Cocteau Twins)
Music in Exile (Songhoy Blues)