Sheffield United 0-6 Arsenal, Monday 4th March 2024

Sheffield United 0-6 Arsenal, FA Premier League, Bramall Lane, att. 29,980.

‘What’s it like to see a decent team?’ texts an Arsenal mate. I should tell him I often see a decent team – every time Man City are on telly. Tonite I’m with a mutual friend, PC Chris (and the ‘PC’ does not stand for ‘politically correct’). He’s back up home on a break due to his shift work and he wonders if I fancy a bit of Blunts v Gunners. Yeah, go on then...been a while since I’ve seen a Premiership game in the flesh.

I’m surprised there are tickets left, but it’s Monday nite, it’s on telly, the Blunts are going down...and the fans are suitably depressed. Oh, and it’s forty four quid. Forty four quid! For little hope of a result. Quietly though, I’m excited, a chance to see a game from a different part of the ground. As an away fan, I’ve spent countless occasions in that there two-tiered stand behind the Bramall Lane goal. So it comes as mild disappointment that that’s exactly where our tickets are, though at least it’s the upper tier, which has a fabulous view. The away fans these days are only given the lower tier.

All hail the view too, as 3 goals in the opening 14 minutes put the game out of reach. Can Arsenal better the 8 (eight) Newcastle put past them at Bramall Lane earlier this season? Sadly not. Nil five, half-time, the Gunners make several substitutions and settle for 6. Indeed, the battering has thousands leaving early. Still, when you have a £100m midfielder against opposition whose whole team didn’t cost that, what do you expect? ‘Best league in the world’ etc.

It’s a(nother) chastening experience for the home faithful, watching a team destined for relegation with over two months of the season left, the desperation most keenly felt by the PA announcer at half-time, exhorting the fans ‘to get behind the team...please’. Still, it was nice to see a decent team. And it was nice to see PC Chris. Commiserations.

The Damage:
£44 ent
c.£10 petrol
= c.£54

Arsenal 1-0 Bournemouth, Sunday 6th October 2019

Arsenal 1-0 Bournemouth, Premiership, att. 60,326 (allegedly)

Welcome to ...

Same as every other Arsenal match I've seen, comfortable home win, comfortable seats, no atmosphere.  Still, good to hang out with a few mates, as well as see an old face over from Oz.  Otherwise ....

The Damage:
free ent (cheers Geoff!)

Luiz makes the difference.  No, really.

The players mob the goalscorer.

Home time!

Time flies when...

Wenger Emery Out!

Match action in front of a packed Emirates (60,326!)

Stoke City 1-2 Crystal Palace, Saturday 5th May 2018

Stoke City 1-2 Crystal Palace, att. 29,687

Welcome to ....

The end is in sight (in so many ways: the season; Stoke’s tenure in the Premiership) and Stoke is my 91st of the 92. Or is it 90? I shan’t count Spurs (for now) since their new stadium is pretty much on the footprint of the old one. But with Macclesfield back in the league, I’m technically back down to 90. Still, it’s good to have an aim. As my partner says ‘what will you do when you’ve completed the 92?’

A 3D map of the Britannia / Bet365

Stoke is an aberration on my part, in that I can’t quite understand how I’ve never been there. In the good old days they were second division regulars with Barnsley. And I’ve been to Port Vale 4 times (it has a charm). But, with their Premiership heartbeat running out, and Barnsley’s last match of the season just down the road at Derby the following day, I took the plunge: train and match tickets booked. Furthermore, The Captain was coming up from Southampton. Well, until I told him the week before that the kick-off time had changed: it was now 12:30. Bloody Sky! Fair dues to Stoke City FC, who took back the ticket (ripped in half and sellotaped back together by the Royal Mail) and gave me a full refund at 12:28pm.

£30 to see Stoke relegated.  Bargain.

I’d also made the mistake of booking one of them there ‘plus bus’ tickets you always get offered when you purchase rail tickets. I thought the stadium was about 4 miles away, too far to walk, but on further deliberation it was only about half an hour’s brisk walk away, along the canal. Turn right outside the station, turn right again at the lights, onto Leek Road, cross the canal and follow it to your left. Considering the fine weather, it was rather empty. But, along with Wigan, a traipse along the industrial waterways of England is just the job. No pier in Stoke though.

An old pottery kiln along the canal.

I’d gone for a ticket in the home end for this do-or-die match with Palace. Weeks ago it looked like ne or the other, but with Palace pulling off a couple of good results, it was simply s*** or bust for Stoke. I s’pose I was hoping for a Stoke collapse (given I’d come to a Prem game thinking they were going down), but, if Barnsley stayed up and Stoke went down, I’d be here anyway next season…thereby negating the need to come this time. Quandaries, eh?

My 1st glimpse inside the stadium.

The ground was virtually full and Stoke were in full song. Great noise from the Boothen End and the roof nearly came off when Shaqiri hit a free kick home. Just a point re: the Palace keeper (Hennessy?) Listen, Shaqiri only has one foot, and there’s only one place he’s going to try and put that free kick: just there. Where you should be. Nevermind the slight deflection off a Palace head.  If Stoke won their last two games, they’d probably stay up. So they only have themselves to blame; you take Peter Crouch off at your peril. 30 seconds later Palace were level, McArthur sidefooting in on the overlap after a lightning break. The Stoke players were broken, their crowd was broken. All hope seemingly extinguished, yet 22 minutes to play. Some started leaving early and, to be fair, they were right, the writing was on the wall. With 4 minutes left, and gaps everywhere in the Stoke team, Palace broke again and a despairing Shawcross interception diverted into the path of Van Aanholt to slide the ball through Butland’s legs.

Looking towards the Main Stand.

This was the cue for hordes to leave, which was a blessing to my ears, since the screamy bloke next to me was one of them. If I’ve heard the words ‘in there lad. IN THERE’ a hundred times, I would not exaggerate. Most of what he screamed was unintelligible, save for threatening Palace with death should they win, calling them ‘cockney c**ts’ and calling South London a ‘s***hole’. Has he been to Dulwich Village? I wouldn’t mind, but for the most part he reminded me of Get Carter: you’re a big lad, but you’re out of shape. I hope he enjoys his summer.

A disgruntled fan's shirt is thrown onto the pitch.

Still, I’ll give it to those who stayed. Despite defeat, they roared on their heroes, promising to be ‘Stoke until I die.’ And despite one fans efforts, shouting ‘Lambert Out’, the vast majority still seemed onboard.

I toyed with the idea of a bus back, but looked up the old Victoria Ground, walked halfway back to town along the canal, then turned off for the Victoria’s previous site. Having laid dormant for several years, it’s finally being developed. I hope it encompasses a suitable ‘memorial’. And walking back a different way brought me to an incredible pub, the Glebe, where I sat on a Chesterfield leather chair and reminisced with an old Stoke fan about music and football. He’d visit more often, but, guess what, football is too expensive these days, £34 in his bit. Should Barnsley stay up, I’ve promised to visit him again next season! (Note: Barnsley didn’t.)

Also, has anybody else noticed the Stoke accent is a mixture of Brummie and Scouse? It’c certainly…interesting.

England's Jack Butler is inconsolable.

The Damage:
£30 ent
£3.50 prog
£1.50 fanzine
= £35

The Tunes:
Singularity (Jon Hopkins)
Song For Alpha (Daniel Avery)
Claustrophia (Scuba)
Foxbase Alpha (St. Etienne)
Garlands (Cocteau Twins)

Bet 365 panorama v Palace.

Looking towards the away end.

Former England manager Roy Hodgson looks on.

Crouchy subbed.  Dearie me.

The Stoke tunnel...and changing rooms.

Lovely pitch.

The thin green/yellow line.

Match action.

Some people think it's all over....

The Stoke 'lap of (dis)honour'.

You'll not see his ilk for a while....a regretful Shaqiri.

Full time.

When they changed the name, did they change the seats?

Outside the Bet365.

See you in the Championship!