The opening goal, I’ve heard everyone else blame it on the keeper. And now I’ve seen it back, I understand why. A bouncing ball is lifted over MdG for the striker to bundle home, yet it’s seemingly in the air long enough for Crapman to step out and catch it. My problem was that I was following Shepherd during this move. I could see what was going to happen...Mdg going across to their guy who would arrive first and lift it over or across him...so Shepherd HAS to mark the centre forward. Has to. I think he realises too late the trouble he’s in and never gets close to the guy, allowing an easy finish (once Crapman has rooted himself to the line, as per). In fact, while the defenders all bark at Crapman about how crap he is, here’s a thing: we’ve seen Crapman refuse to come off his line countless times before so ALLOW FOR THAT and STOP THE CENTRE FORWARD FROM SCORING YOURSELF. (Equally, message for Crapman: you know how absolutely USELESS Jack Shepherd** is, so be ready to come off your line and claim. But I care less about Crapman. He’s on loan and come the end of the season, he’s someone else’s problem.*)
*PLEASE don’t be stupid enough to sign him. (Altho we signed Watters after a similarly unimpressive loan period.)
** PLEASE don’t be stupid enough to re-sign him. (His contract’s up in the summer, innit?)
The second goal will have the usual suspects barking on about a push. Yes, there’s contact, but MAN UP. Shepherd gets a nudge, their player gains a yard, and slams it in. Consider the respecting opinions of Donny manager Grant McCann on similar in his game, slating his player for not being stronger. Hourihane, meantime, mumbles on about it being a foul. Let’s ignore the fact Shepherd has spent his season going down under minimal contact. Who else in the team has a move named after him (the ‘Shepherd Flop’.) He has lost the...what? Will? Ability? Wherewithawal...to stand up to his man and not be bullied. Christ, he’s 6 foot 3 and built like the proverbial. Problem is, he IS the proverbial.
The 3rd goal, as I saw it in real time, I thought Shepherd was a tad unlucky as he accidentally clipped the opponent as he ran past him. I have since booked my appointment with Specsavers. Shepherd absolutely, and for no reason, absolutely cleans the guy out. Not quite GBH, but definitely common assault. But by now, I wasn’t angry. Just disappointed. Resigned. Oh, and all this from a nominal left back position, though all the incidents mentioned occurred in the POFSS (Position of Frequent Shepherd Sh*tness, ie, in and around the 6 yard box). (I put my special Little Lee Johnson hat on for that one, POMO, etc) Anyway, if Lee Johnson had a hat, I know which hat it would be... Oh, and who gave the ball away on the edge of his own box to start that Plymouth attack? Step forward J. Shepherd. Have I said I don’t rate him? Crapman dives the right way and gets a good hand to the penalty yet somehow...somehow...fails to save it. The limp-wristed fool.
As an aside, didn’t we beat Plymouth Argyle away (opening day) AFTER Shepherd was sent off? Conclusive proof, m’lud. We are better off playing with 10 men than that imposter playing in our team. Listen, I get it. He’s cheap, and if we play him enough it boosts his value. But that ship has sailed. I don’t know what the peak market value of Shepherd was, but I feel like those investors who lost their money in the 1929 Wall St. Crash. If only I’d sold my stock in ’28...
Onwards and upwards!
*** Kelly. Ran around, never gave up, and had a couple of promising runs.
** McG. Ran around, never gave up, and kicked a couple of shots into the crowd.
* MdG. For the block preventing a definite goal in the 1st half. And the other block preventing a possible goal in the 1st half. It’s called DEFENDING.
Official MOTM: McG.
Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. MdG 2. Kelly 3. Connell
Despatches:
We are SLEEPWALKING TOWARDS RELEGATION. It is that time of year when sides facing the threat of relegation pick up points against midtable sides with nothing to play for. The problem is, we think we’re one of those midtable sides. But if you look at the table, what are we? 5 pts above the bottom 4? I think 5 pts can be hauled in the remaining games, especially if we don’t get any.
One criticism I heard of Hourihane (who appears to have lost his sainthood) was that ‘he’s playing players out of position’. I think the guy on Praise or Grumble was referring to the GOAT playing at right back. But, apart from Shepherd, I also raise you a Tom Bradshaw. He can’t be a centre forward, can he? He gives ‘doing nothing’ a bad name. He scampers around, being second to everything, can’t hold a ball up if it gets to him, and lacks the ability to beat a player and create an opportunity of his own. So with him and The Kitchen Fitter, we’re down to 9 men. Add in Class of 2024-26 Luca Connell, and a Sri Lankan giraffe (I didn’t know Sri Lanka HAD giraffes) trying not to trip over his own feet, and I don’t see how we’re ever going to win another game of football again.
Coach Conor did, at least, bring Banks and Phillips off the bench to save the situation (they didn’t) but what must these 2 think? Not getting a game behind THAT. (Again, Coach Conor wants to play Yoganathan to increase his value, while I want us to win games. This is the dichotomy we currently face.) Another one is Crapman’s continual involvement, to everyone’s bemusement. After Flavell didn’t disgrace himself at Burton on Good Friday, Crapman is back in the team after his international sojourn. (I would LOVE to see him in goal for Canada in the World Cup, preferably against somebody half decent. They will score TEN.) Solid rumour has it that loan club Crystal Palace are paying his wages and if we don’t play him, WE pay his wages. Which, according to a member of the Supporters’ Trust, is £12k/week. Breathe that in. Six hundred thousand pounds a year to be THAT crap. That means I should be on at least 100k, for all the good I’d do in goal. (I wouldn’t be rooted to my line, for a start. Mind, I think that’s my main problem when I’ve played in goal, I’m not rooted to my line enough!)
Other passing mentions...O’Connell was there, or thereabouts. Let’s just say Plymouth weren’t scoring when the ball was in his and MdG’s vicinity. The GOAT was ok, after the opening minute when he was caught out of position, allowing Argyle to attack down that side. I noticed late on though, as we chased the game, he didn’t kick the ball forward once. Standard.
Cleary beat the odd player, but we didn’t give him the ball till 25 minutes in. Missed a great chance to make a chance by not passing it, with plenty of Reds in the box. Needs to stop believing his hype. (He’s another player whose value is decreasing the more we play him.) Have I missed anyone? The subs, Phillips, Banks, Leo Farrell...were suitably anonymous. I’d love to blame the referee for the defeat, but they scored more goals than we had chances. Scored more goals than we had shots on target. Scored more goals than Bradshaw had touches in their box. Etc etc.
It was awful. (63% possession, btw, so anyone not there can imagine what that looked like.)
Another player who sadly missed the game was former Reds walking footballer Herbie Kane. A hamstring tear means he’s been sent back to Hudds. A pity, I’d have liked to have seen the Battle Royale: Connell v Kane.
Drink du jour: Leffe in Bramahs. Talking of which, was A. Reed more angry at the slowness of the service, as he waited for his drinks courtesy of the Wetherspoons app (Spiral was closed) or at Oakwell? Andy? Andy??
Away: 1,242 (10 thousand summat. I heard it, but can’t find the attendance anywhere online.) ‘Can we play you every week?’ Arf.
The Damage:
£8 petrol
= £8
