Blackpool 1-2 BFC, Saturday 19th October 2024

‘Coke must have been on special offer in Barnsley that day.’

Is this how it’s going to be this season? Play poorly, but eke out just enough results to stay on the coat tails of the play-off pack, before finally succumbing to 8th? Cos if you haven’t seen this victory before, see also ‘Lincoln City’ and ‘Burton Albion’. The fans have obviously lost belief. We barely took a thousand on Satdy, one half of the stand completely empty. This is Blackpool away, FFS. One of the jewels in the crown of away games (stop laughing at the back). It was a turgid game lightened up with 3 goals that all came out of nowhere.

For those who hadn’t heard, we caught in-form Blackpool at the right time, manager Steve Bruce away on compassionate leave following the death of his four month old grandchild. He was replaced by perma-sidekick and former Reds legend Steve Agnew. The match was accordingly disjointed and lacking in both skill and excitement. Mind, a couple of Londontykes watching it on telly thought it was alright. Maybe the drink had taken its toll (on me). It was RUBBISH.

Still, we went ahead after something approaching half an hour of nothing happening. A smooth move began in our half ends with DKD cutting inside and stroking it home, a carbon copy of his debut strike. I said it was out of the blue. Where did THAT come from!? Blackpool missed a few half chances and there was no way we deserved a lead, but a lead we had. Could we build on it?

No. The teams swapped ends and proceeded to give us the same dirge we had 1st half. I pity the poor neutral (not for the first time). Blackpool were in the slight ascendancy, nothing unduly worrying, when a free kick was lofted over and none of our 3 centre halves dealt with it. I think it came off the forward’s foot eventually. A ball into the danger zone allowed to drop for someone to sweep it into the corner. P*** poor. Another timely substitution, as Coach Clarke had hauled Russell (for Craig) and Phillips (for Yoganathan) a minute earlier. He really is unlucky / s*** our manager, isn’t he?

Nothing continues to happen, until injury time. Coach Clarke hauls Humphreys for Jalo (I didn’t realise the latter was back from his hurty shoulder at Burton) before sending on Pines for Gent, presumably to get the winner. Well, it’s not Pines, but a minute later Connell sends a hopeful corner to the backpost and Marc Roberts loops a header back to the other post, where the defender has gone AWOL. (Have a look at it on youtube, the defender’s efforts are very funny. Indeed, it’s criminal he doesn’t deal with it.) We have STOLEN another away win. I can’t pretend the match was anything other than awful, it really was. Can we go home now?

Onwards and upwards!

*** Roberts. Apart from their goal (and I think Roberts bears most blame) he was solid. Oh, and scored.
** DKD. I have absolutely no memory of anyone else playing well, so DKD for the Litmanen (quality finish).
* Slonina. Reedy can hopefully vouch for me commenting that Slonina hadn’t put a foot wrong and couldn’t be to blame for the goal.

Londontykes’ MOTM: TBA

Despatches:
On the way out, I saw a couple of fans being handcuffed (‘fancuffed’?)...damaging seats...but the way the copper explained it to me, he thought I didn’t think ripping out seats and attempting to abscond with them was a crime. He should have been at Man City home the other year when their fans nicked an entire toilet door!

Pre-match was great. Beer on the pier with Andy, beer in the market with Andy, beers in the Tap room with Andy. An Oirishman explaining to me how he was from Oiland, as if I didn’t know what an Oirish accent sounded like. Being complimented by Tangerines for getting off the beaten track to find quality beer (but of course!) It was a world away from the promised coke fuelled aggro that follows Nice Guy Chris to Blackpool (he was boycotting it).

The players? I have no memory of any of ‘em. I’ve just looked at the line up and have zero reminisces of Phillips or Humphreys. Did they REALLY play? Ditto O’Keefe and Gent. And I just presumed MdG and Earl played, cos they always do. Was Connell his normal s*** self? I have no idea. I can tell you we had 2 shots on target (cos that’s what the BBC website tells me), so I’ll let youse work out how many saves their keeper made. For the record they had 5 shots on target. It was meagre gruel. Pls sir, don’t give me more.

Drink du jour: Beavertown Neck Oil on the pier, Mango Unchained in Abingdon St. Market, Lichfield Pale Ale, Sundown IPA, Thistly Cross Whisky Cask cider at the Cask & Tap. Leffe on the train home, Leffe and Elvis Juice on the train there. Come to think, there’s a reason I can’t remember much beyond ‘this is s***’.

Away: 1,598

The Damage:
£30 ent (!)
£20 train
= £50

Blackpool 3-2 BFC, Saturday 20th April 2024

‘Can’t gi’ anywhere with that c*** at t’wheel’

I am still fuming. With play-off qualification yet to be achieved, we roll over and die at Blackpool, who themselves needed a victory to stay in the hunt. Is no-one at Oakwell aware of the importance of this game? We’ve gone from challenging for the top 2, to nailed on play-offs, to falling to get top 6...in the space of 6 weeks. Is today a new nadir? Reedy described Stevenage as ‘a truly dreadful performance’ so I don’t know what to say here. At least we took the lead at The Lamex. Here, we were battered from the start. ‘A matter of time’ was 12 minutes in, as a Tangerine skipped inside from the right and laid it off for some other orangey fella to sidefoot a 20 odd yarder past Roberts. That’s 4 in the last few weeks he’s conceded from distance. And there was only one place this bloke was going to hit it.

Ah, yes, our recent form. From having the best away record in the division, we’ve now lost the last 4. FOUR. Against Blackpool, did we win a tackle that first half? A second ball? Did a striker hold a ball up? Did Kane even manage a 6 yard square ball to a red shirt? (Yes, he managed that.) Coach Collins left McCart on the bench to play Jordan as part of a back 3, again. Today’s right wing back of comedy choice was Cotter. I wouldn’t mind, but I heard the bloke behind me say ‘at least he’s had some good games this season’. He’s had some good MINUTES this season. Luca Connell is out. Birthday treat (his, not mine). Not sure if the BFC tweet machine is particularly clever telling us it’s his birthday before he’s mysteriously missing from the line-up. In his place comes Grant. Now, you know I said last game he must be bad if Coach Collins can’t contemplate picking him ahead of Kane and Russell in midfield? He was terrible. Hauled off at HT.

HT? Yes, we limped towards the interval lucky to be one down. But in the 3rd minute of injury time the Super Reds righted this wrong, as Earl loses his man from a free kick. Good job we don’t concede from corners. An earlier free kick from an identical position had them hitting the bar. Another round of Collins-baiting ensues. His football was s*** or sh*te depending on where in the stand you were chanting. At my side, towards the corner flag, it was ‘Neill Collins, your football is sh*te’. But I think s*** is much more succinct. Catchy, even.

Still, half-time is when The Big Man earns his corn. Cosgrove is on for Grant and we’re going 2 up top. Oh yes, did I say Cole was up front? Rumours of his return to form were greatly exaggerated. He has a chance after 20 seconds (1st half), but his usual level of ball control sadly intervened and normal service resumed. Who will rid me of this incompetent fool? (Collins or Cole?) The change pays an instant dividend. 1 minute 22 seconds into the 2nd half we are three down. It’s at the far end so all I can see is carnage in our defence, the ball laid across and someone coming in and rifling home from 12 yards. It’s all so, so easy. ‘WE WANT COLLINS OUT, WE WANT COLLINS OUT.’ First time I’ve experienced that, and fair play to those calling for the manager’s head. I’ve always said the problem at Oakwell is that we’re TOO patient, TOO apathetic. (See: ‘Lee Johnson’). We normally prefer to watch the slide in silence, or chunter on, and, to be fair, silence did generally break out thereafter as demoralisation set in.

Coach Collins sends on Jalo and O’Keefe for Cotter and Cadden. He really doesn’t like Cadden, does he? I have a vague recollection of Jordan ending up at left wing back. Will no-one rid me…etc But it works! Well, McAtee scores. The beautiful game is laid to waste as a massive punt is flicked on by Cosgrove for McAtee to do his business. Takes me back to my Sunday League days. Collins isn’t finished though, and he gains our 2nd biggest cheer of the day as he hauls Cole for Aidan Marsh. The latter brings us back to 3-2, as he whips in a great cross. Cosgrove shoulda buried it, but his header is saved and Jalo puts the rebound in. At least I reckon it’s behind the line, as it’s cleared, cos I’m in line with it. While we celebrate it escapes my notice that the ref has disallowed it. Apparently handball. All I can say is that he’s got f***ing good eyesight this ref, cos I’ve just watched the ‘goal’ 3 times and it’s not even near Jalo’s hand. Or Cosgroves. And it’s never been near Roberts’ all match. I’ve heard of people not knowing their ar5e from their elbow, but this ref appears not to know the difference between a foot and a hand. (My mind has now wandered into wondering what the ref would choose from the old conundrum…a knob for a nose, or a nose for a knob?)

If I said we pull another back in the 94th minute (Phillips), it sounds like we’re all over them. And we are, for the last 2 minutes. Jalo goes down in the box and there’s a half-hearted appeal. In these days where it’s perfectly legal for defenders to obstruct players, it’s not a penalty for me. But it does afford Collins the opportunity to say the officials cost us a point. Listen, Neill, conceding three goals has cost us a point. Your tedious, boring, nothing football has cost us a point. Your bizarre team choices, your odd strategies (‘strategies’???), your s*** s*** football has cost us a point. Don’t hide behind blaming the officials, or ‘moments’, Football is about moments. 90 minutes worth of them.

Onwards and upwards!

*** No-one.
** No-one.
* Jalo. Looked interested.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1= McAtee / No-one 3= Jalo / Phillips / No-one

Despatches:
I write this listening to some drum n bass, hearing the refrain ‘Is it even worth it to go through all this pain?’. Is it? I dunno. We might yet make the play-offs and yet the support is thoroughly downhearted. Or at least the match-goin support is. I dare say it looks alright on Ceefax*. ‘Still 5th! Come on you Reds!’ Maybe we can lose next week, put us out of our misery. Save us some money. The other week I asked where we’d like to celebrate promotion. Now we are hoping 2 of Lincoln, Oxford and Blackpool don’t win next Satdy. Where did it all go wrong? Where, eh Neill?

*yeah, yeah, whatever.

Still, I had a lovely day out. Treated myself to the train so I could drink copiously. Or as copiously as a sipper can. Had a beer on the North Pier, though Blackie was strangely quiet. Was that cos the coppers wouldn’t let supporters coaches in before 1? I was expecting the train to be packed but the only Reds fan I saw was...me. Mind, there were plenty in fancy dress at the ground. Willy Wonka and his oompah loompahs were there. And I saw a few clowns and donkeys on the pitch.

Oh, and a trip into the Blackpool club shop found you have to be over 18 to buy a replica shirt! I guess it’s cos they’re sponsored by a betting company...but they had kids’ sizes, so where’s the sense in that? Good luck in the play-offs lads.

I’ll leave youse with this. Remember when we beat Port Vale 7 nil and we shoulda been 2 down? I said then the result was false and that Port Vale would be relegated before we’re promoted. Guess what?

Drink du jour: Leffe on the train, Beavertown Neck Oil at Blooms on the North Pier, Astral Voyage session NEIPA and CLWB Tropica at The Cask & Tap, more Leffe on the train, Scheiderweisse at Piccadilly Tap.

Away: 2,135 (sellout)

The Damage:
£25 ent
£3 prog
£33 train
= £61